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4. My Enneagram Origin Story
Episode 4 • 30th January 2024 • Upleveling Work • Michelle Kay Anderson
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This unscripted episode is a raw reflection on why I use the Enneagram personality system as a coach. Learn a more about me, my personality style, and the work that I'm personally doing with the system. I even share my hesitation with using personality tests at work and self-coaching I'm working on.

It is not an exaggeration to say that my life changed when I found the Enneagram and started using it for my own personal development 15 years ago. It helped me to come home to who I am and more clearly see the ways that I was conditioned as a woman in leadership growing up in an evangelical environment.

🔗 You'll find everything mentioned in the complete show notes at https://uplevelingwork.com/4

Connect with Michelle:

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Transcripts

Michelle:

Hello and welcome to Upleveling Work, a podcast about the strategies

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and solutions that real people are using

for improving their work life so they

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can make a bigger impact and find more

connection and fulfillment along the way.

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I'm your host, Michelle K.

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Anderson, and I'm an executive

coach and the creator of the

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Conscious Leadership Framework.

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I'm on a mission to increase the

diversity of leadership at organizations,

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and the work that I do as a coach is

all about empowering women and other

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marginalized people to become leaders

who gracefully navigate complex

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work environments with confidence.

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Join me here each week to learn

how to create high performing teams

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without working more or burning out.

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This is Episode 4, Why I Use

the Enneagram Personality System.

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This episode is a little bit

different than most of my episodes

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in that it's completely unscripted.

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I had a conversation with a friend

that made me think about you.

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And that a lot of the things

that we were talking about, you

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might also be interested in.

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So I woke up the next morning with

some thoughts on my heart and just hit

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record in a voice memo on my phone.

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And what we ended up with

here is Something a little

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bit more raw and intimate.

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You're gonna learn a lot about me and

my personality style and some of the

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work that I'm doing personally using

the Enneagram personality system.

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And you even get to hear me coach

myself towards the end of the episode.

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Enjoy!

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I wanted to make a recording on

why I use the Enneagram at all.

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And share a little bit about my

personal experience with the Enneagram

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system, how I came to find it.

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I think one of the reasons why I wanted

to make this recording is because,

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frankly, I feel a bit conflicted about

using personality systems at work.

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Historically, personality tests

have been used to perpetuate

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stereotypes and even to discriminate

in the hiring process itself.

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Screening for certain traits that

may indicate mental illness or

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lower socioeconomic status or even

ethnicity that can be implied by

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some of the questions and the way

they're framed in personality tests.

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And I just want no part of that.

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I do find, however, that the Enneagram

personality system has been very

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different to work with and I will only

use it professionally on a team that is

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committed to doing the self awareness

work and understands the ethical

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implications of gathering this data and

starting to use it within the workplace.

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I don't mean to freak you out or scare you

away from doing this, not at all, because

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when I found the Enneagram system, I

feel like my life forever changed, right?

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It felt like this huge lightbulb moment

for me, and I literally think about my

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life before I found the Enneagram system

and started using it to understand

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myself and the people around me and

After and that's not hyperbole there's

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only a couple of other events in my

life that I mark like before that point

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and after that point and Enneagram

is definitely one of them and that is

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because it really was a first major

step that I took to get out of a victim

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mentality and Giving away my authority.

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So it really was like me on into

self sufficiency as a person, my own

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empowerment, especially as a female

growing up in an evangelical environment

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where I absorbed a lot of messages

around the role of women and what my

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potentiality would be and what was wrong

about me or sinful about me as a person.

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See, growing up, I had always

been Appreciated for my attention

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to detail and that I was a

strong leader and a workhorse.

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And that was continually

validated at home, at work,

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and even in my first few jobs.

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Rewarded with promotions or extra pay.

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But really that was about extra

work because as an Enneagram One,

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I know how to make things happen.

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I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves

and dig in and get into the dirty work.

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I will work long and hard.

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I am Looking for that gold star because

of my strong to wing and wanting to

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be helpful and Just a general people

pleasing vibe That I thought was really

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fulfilling But once I understood about

my personality type I could see that that

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was a form of me in Brene Brown's words

hustling for worthiness and being stuck

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in a constricted and Ego structure that

was trying to keep me safe in my head.

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The story I was telling myself is that

this is what's needed to get ahead or

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this is what's valued or the world needs

me, they need me, you know, whatever,

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or the potentiality of what could be.

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And just put, if I just put my

head down and work hard enough,

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I'll be able to get there.

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Now, Enneagram ones are not the

only, the feel this way at all.

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And that's part of the nuance

of the Enneagram system, right?

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Other personality typing structures will

categorize people based on behaviors,

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often, or maybe feeling states.

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But the truth is that why we think

a certain way, why we behave a

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certain way, why we feel, like what

we feel can be the same, but the

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reasons why can be very different.

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And the Enneagram personality types

are based off of the motivation,

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the underlying motivation of

why you do the things you do.

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It's deeply rooted in psychological

theories about humanness, personality

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development, adult development, why we are

the way we are and what forces of nature

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and nurture work together to form your

sense of identity, your worldview, the

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things that you are drawn to naturally,

the things that you avoid, all of these.

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These are determined in part by

your early formative experiences and

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something inside of you that is this

natural orientation to the world.

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So that's what an Enneagram type is to me.

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An Enneagram type is

a style of protection.

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There are nine flavors of that type

of protection, the way we armor

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up when things don't feel safe.

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And it's based off of the messages

you received and how you see the

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world and the information you take

in, what you pay attention to.

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All of those things work together

to reinforce a belief about

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how things are and what you

need to do to protect yourself.

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And once you can see that ego armor,

you start to have a whole bunch of

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choices about, is this serving me?

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Am I safe here?

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Can I try something else?

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Because the truth is, at some point

in your life, your usual way of

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doing things stops working for you.

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Typically that happens in midlife.

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And so when I started working with the

Enneagram, so many years ago, like, let's

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think, probably, oh my gosh, I feel old.

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When I started working with the Enneagram,

it was like 15, 16 years ago, and

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there weren't a lot of young people.

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Doing this work.

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But the Enneagram found me at a mom's

group where I had just, I was in

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the throes of postpartum depression.

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And I had a kid with colic, an infant,

who, let's be real, had colic for like

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almost the first two years of her life.

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And I was struggling with

postpartum depression and just

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knew that I needed connection.

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And the thought of having someone take

care of my baby for a couple of hours

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so that I could have a cup of coffee

and talk to another mom was like, I

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don't know, comfort home, felt like

rainbows and butterflies, honestly.

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But at one of these talks, my mentor,

my now mentor, um, introduced us

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to the idea that there were nine

different ways of being in the world.

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And that once you understand your

way of being and how it is different

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than the other ways of being,

especially for people that you are in

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relationship with, like your spouse.

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Or your best friend or your in laws.

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I think that was Kind of the vibe

that we were going off of like, how

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do you improve your relationships?

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using just the simple idea

that there are nine different

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Colors of rose colored glasses.

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Do you know I mean nine different?

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Ways that people orient themselves to

time and space and the environment That

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creates a different Set of default ways

of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

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And as soon as I understood this,

it literally felt like this woman

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gave me x ray vision into people.

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I could instantly see why certain

things were so important to my husband

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that I felt like he was bringing

up continually just to annoy me.

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Do you know what I mean?

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Like I could see how

these were related to.

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core fears that he had and needs

that he was trying to express.

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Or like with my mother in law, I felt

like she was constantly criticizing me.

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But once I understood that she was an

Enneagram six, I could see that this

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was related to her own underlying

insecurity about the world and my kids,

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you know, and once I could see all of

that, it like depersonalized conflict.

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Like I stopped making it

mean something about me.

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And almost instantly a level of

irritation and frustration and insecurity,

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like melted away, it was magical.

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I felt immediately this sense of

like, clarity that turned into

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levity and lightness pretty quickly.

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It wasn't instant levity, like

I'm not going to lie to you.

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There was like me going down the rabbit

hole of the Enneagram types and having

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to learn and work with this information,

but also confronting the ways that

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I contribute to the situation that I

was blaming on other people, right?

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So I think one of the most profound

things about this tool is that it

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helps you not only understand yourself

and your patterns and the ways that

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you might be holding yourself back.

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It helps you understand your own

strengths and like, really delineate

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between what's me and what's them.

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And that's related to the second

thing that I really appreciate

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about the Enneagram is that it

helps you understand other people.

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By understanding myself, and what

makes me me, and what my potentiality

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is, what my The polarities of my

particular type, meaning the tensions

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between opposites or extremes that I'm

constantly navigating that I think are

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binary, but are actually polarities.

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Once you see them as such.

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You can start to work with and

allow them instead of resist them.

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Which means that you stop buffering, maybe

with food, maybe with shopping, maybe

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with alcohol or overwork or you know,

there's all, you know, exercise for some.

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There's all kinds of ways that we

buffer against negative emotion.

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Often I would set like a New Year's

resolution to try and resolve these

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negative habits, but once I could see

why I was doing those things, what

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role those behaviors were filling for

me, like what I was getting out of it.

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Enneagram helped give me a shortcut

to understand those things.

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And so, I immediately started projecting

it out into the world on other people.

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Typing everyone I knew, in my head.

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But It became a very oversimplified

way of understanding the world really

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quickly, and I think that's normal as

you try to integrate this information,

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and it's normal for the stage of adult

development that I was in at the time.

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But this is the place where people

start to make assumptions about

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other people and where it can

become a little problematic at work.

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This is the part that makes me kind

of cringe inside because you think

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you know something about someone.

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But as you continue to work with

the Enneagram, you see there

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aren't just nine types of people.

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There are actually 27 subtypes.

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Once you layer the nine

types with the three.

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instincts, and you figure out which

of your biological instinct is more

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dominant than the others, it flavors

the way your type shows up in the world.

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And then you start working with tri types,

and you can see that you really are a

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combination of the dominant style that

is in your body or action center, the

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dominant style that's in your heart or

feeling center, and the dominant style

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that's in your thinking or head center.

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And so I'm a self prez one.

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As it's called in the Enneagram

world, which means I'm oriented

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towards, like, physical safety,

resources, you know, feeling

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supported and resourced personally.

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More, that's like where my brain goes

and pays attention to them first.

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I'm a 1 2 5 tri type, which is

called the mentor archetype.

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And And that means that the combination

of the one, two, five means that I

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like to go really deep on topics.

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That's the way my brain works.

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And I'm also a really private person.

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And that's the five part.

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And then the one part is

like highly ethical and

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idealistic, um, and wise, right?

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There's a certain type of wisdom

that comes out of the oneness

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that's related to what could be.

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And then there's the two part,

which is very caring and helpful

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and supportive and, and even loving,

but oriented towards other people.

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And so the culmination of those things,

being able to sense the needs of my

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people and the environment around me with

the idealism of the one of what could

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be what should be really realistically

is a better way to talk about that

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idealism for one, the injustices of

the world and the way things ought to

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be, um, driving my focus of attention

combined with a deep sense of purpose.

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Wisdom and knowing and thirst

for knowledge and understanding

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and desire to be private.

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You could see how when I go to

start a podcast, for example, some

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of my perfectionism, of course,

is inevitably going to come up.

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In part because I'm putting myself

out there as an expert, right?

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Um, in a way, I mean.

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Starting a podcast is definitely putting

a stake in the ground and saying,

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I know something about something.

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And the five slash one part of me really,

really wants to make sure I'm ready.

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And I'm doing no harm and that I'm

giving you everything you need.

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And I really, really want to get it right.

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And that two part of me

wants to be super helpful.

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So, of course, I want to make

it as actionable as possible

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or as short as possible.

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Anyways, you can see how knowing my

tri type, my Instinct and all of these

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different nuanced connections of the

nine types normalizes my behavior

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so that I can be with that feeling

instead of trying to resist it.

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I can allow it and I can channel

the energy of the good side of

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all of that combination into

trusting that it's enough.

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It gives me breadcrumbs

to embrace who I am.

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Allow negative emotion and get

on with my life because I've

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got big things to do, you know?

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According to the creator of the idea

of a tri type, the life purpose of

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the 1 2 5 mentor, um, is that your

mission is to use your wisdom to provide

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the information needed to manifest

ideals that could help those in need.

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A true mentor, this type is happiest when

you can help others improve themselves.

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And I think that's in part

because I feel like I've been on a

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continual self improvement project

for my whole life as a woman.

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And the work that I had to do and start

to open up to in coaching is letting

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go of my need to perfect myself, being

really gentle, taking action before

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I feel like I'm ready and focusing

on being in service of others and

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trusting that it's enough right now.

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And that there's always going

to be the gap between where

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I am and where I want to go.

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But if I look backwards at all of the

ways that I've grown, all of the things

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that I've already gained and acquired

the skills in my life, I can give myself

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credit for those things, give myself

all the gold stars that I need, so that

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I stop looking for them outside myself.

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And I stop hustling for worthiness.

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And I allow what is here,

right now, to be enough.

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Which brings me into the present.

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Which frankly is all I really have.

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And this is the big work of the Enneagram.

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Is that homecoming to who you

are in this present moment.

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And the wisdom that comes from not

having to think about things, but

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just knowing from a quiet mind space.

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The wisdom that comes not from, um,

having to always force things to happen

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for myself or other people or whatever.

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And just attuning to that intuitive gut.

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Pain, the yes or the no, the leaning

in or the leaning out that can be

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found in the wisdom of the body.

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And then the opening of my heart, both

to what I really need, what's going on

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for other people, that connection that

you could just sense energetically.

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The combination of those three things is

the heart of the work of the Enneagram.

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And what makes it so powerful is that

it is not just categorizing people

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into nine ways of being in the world.

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But it is laying a specific pathway out

of the box that you've trapped yourself

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in, out of the limiting beliefs that we

all naturally adopt, into a world where

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you trust that you are not broken, that

there is probably nothing wrong with you.

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And when we can operate from

enoughness, God, that opens

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up so much possibility, right?

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Like that is, for me, a big piece

of the key of stepping out of

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scarcity mindset and into abundance.

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And that is what I want for each of you.

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Till next time.

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If you are curious about learning

more about the Enneagram and the nine

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different personality styles, I made a

little PDF download intro that you can

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get on my website at michellekanderson.

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com forward slash free.

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Where I have a download called Learn the

Types that you can snag and get started

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understanding what even these things are.

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How are they related to each other?

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That download will give you a flavor of

the nine styles, what their strengths are,

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and How they're related to each other.

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That will serve as a reference

for you over time as you dig in.

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So I found that it's a really good

place to start on this journey.

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And if you're wondering how to find

your type, I will record another episode

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on that, but the fastest way to find

your type is to DM me and I will get

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you in touch with the test that I use.

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That is the most accurate test on the

market and gives you a full report on Your

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style so that you don't have to learn the

whole system to begin to work with it.

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That's the best part.

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And it puts it into, um, like

action, like how it shows up at

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work, how to communicate better.

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How do you communicate with a person of

this specific type based on your type?

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So it really helps you understand

also the like avenue of growth and

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development opportunities that you have.

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So if you're like at a goal

setting time of the year.

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And you want to stop like apologizing

for who you are, or you want to like

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develop like real useful ideas about

how you can grow as a person so that

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you can be more effective at work

or at home or in your relationships.

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This report provides a bunch of

clues, a ton of ideas, and you

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can pick one to begin to work on.

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You know what I mean?

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It makes it so much easier.

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It's like a shortcut to you personally.

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All of your particular quirks and

the unique strengths of your type,

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so that you can go all in on who

you are and to trust yourself more.

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And who doesn't want that?

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Alright, so send me a note if you're

interested on the testing side of things.

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But go download the freebie

and check out my blog.

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I have a ton of information on my blog

about the Enneagram and how it works.

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Next time I'll talk more about how I

use the Enneagram at work specifically,

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and the benefits that I've already

seen working with individuals on the

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executive coaching side and teams on the

organizational coaching side of things.

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I'm an executive coach who also coaches

teams, runs workshops and retreats,

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and helps you get more clear on the

things that are holding you back as

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a collective, using the data, the

Enneagram, and also just best practices

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from organizational development.

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So if you're interested in

working with me, reach out.

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I'd love to talk about what's going on for

you and figure out if we'd be a good fit.

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Thank you for joining me on

this episode of Upleveling Work.

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To view the complete show notes and

all the links mentioned in today's

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episode, visit uplevelingwork.

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com.

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That's where you can search by the

episode number in order to find the

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transcripts and any downloads or

resources mentioned in the podcast.

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That's also where you can find my

10 Mistakes Managers Make ebook,

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which explains the most common

mistakes managers tend to fall into.

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My intention is to save you

the wasted time and energy that

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these failed solutions cost you.

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That way you can become a more

effective leader while playing

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to your natural strengths.

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Before you go, make sure you subscribe

to the podcast so you can receive new

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episodes right as they're released.

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And if you're enjoying the

podcast, I'd love to ask you to

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leave a review in Apple Podcasts.

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Reviews are one of the major ways new

podcasts get noticed, and it would

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really make a difference if you could

take a minute to write a review.

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Thank you for joining me, Michelle K.

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Anderson, on this episode

of Upleveling Work.

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I'll see you next time.

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