Skip The Dinner is CareImpact’s year-end Christmas campaign, a fundraising non-event. You keep your time, and you give from wherever you are.
Right now, every year-end gift or pledge is DOUBLED by a generous donor, so your giving goes twice as far to help strengthen CareImpact’s work with churches and community partners across Canada.
Today’s question: “I want to help, but sometimes I wonder if I’m actually trying to take control. How do I know if I’m truly supporting someone or just making it about me?”
On this quick-and-punchy Summer Speedos edition of Journey With Care, your messy adviser, Johan, wades into the blurry waters where compassion turns into subtle micromanaging. With a dash of wit and a generous serving of honesty, the conversation explores how our well-meaning efforts to lighten someone’s load can sometimes accidentally become a full-scale project takeover. Drawing on a familiar biblical tale, relatable stories, and Johan’s signature charm, listeners are invited to reflect on the difference between genuinely supporting others and colour-coding their healing process. Settle in for a candid, good-natured look at navigating care, boundaries, and that fine line between being helpful and being the bossy friend in a cardigan—perfect for your summer stroll or lazy day in the sun.
DONATE! Help connect and equip more churches across Canada to effectively journey well in community with the most vulnerable: careimpact.ca/donate
Mentioned in this episode:
Skip The Dinner-Double Your Impact
Skip The Dinner is CareImpact’s year-end Christmas campaign, a fundraising non-event. You keep your time, and you give from wherever you are.
Right now, every year-end gift or pledge is DOUBLED by a generous donor, so your giving goes twice as far to help strengthen CareImpact’s work with churches and community partners across Canada.
Each donation will be matched before January 1, 2026.
Transcripts
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This one's for anyone who's ever offered help, then immediately started
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rearranging someone's kitchen just to make it more functional. You
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weren't trying to judge their spice rack, but now you're holding it.
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Let's be honest, Helping sounds noble, but
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sometimes it's just low key micromanaging in a cardigan.
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If we're honest, the line between compassion and control gets
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blurry fast. Someone says they're having a hard time time and you offer
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to help. Great, noble, loving,
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but somehow, let me know what you need turns into
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prescheduled check ins, unsolicited resources, and
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mild anxiety when they don't follow through. You didn't mean to become
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their personal project manager, and yet here you are color
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coding their healing journey like it's a work retreat. This
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is messy advice for people who care, for those who try to lighten someone's
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load and accidentally take over the entire moving truck.
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Hey. This is Johan on the edge of helpful here to talk
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about care, boundaries, and why it's okay that other people do things
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differently even if those things are wildly inefficient and
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spiritually questionable. Today's question gets into the
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heart of something a lot of us helpers struggle with. Let's get
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right into it. I want to help, but sometimes I
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wonder if I'm actually trying to take control. How do I know
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if I'm truly supporting someone or just making it
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about me? If you've ever confused
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being helpful with being in charge, you are very
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much not alone. According to a 2023
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Abacus data survey, one in two Canadians say they feel
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pressure to fix situations rather than to simply offer
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support, especially among caregivers and faith based volunteers.
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Apparently, we're a nation of well intentioned problem solvers
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who sometimes forget that compassion doesn't always require a clipboard.
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We're not trying to run anyone's life. We just want them to
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know that we have printed resources available. Helping
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can start as care and quietly drift into control.
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That line is thin. The heart is good. The
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result, debatable, and that's what we need to
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check. Helping someone doesn't mean becoming their life manager.
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And as much as I love Google documents and Google Sheets, you
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don't need to build one every time someone says, I'm struggling,
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unless they ask, then spreadsheet away. Here's
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a scenario. A friend shares that they're having a rough
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week. You say, anything I can do?
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They hesitate. So you suggest five things.
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You follow-up two days later with, did you try that podcast I
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sent? Unless, of course, it's this one, then it probably would be helpful.
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But suddenly, the vibe shifts from support to subtle
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pressure. You wanted to help, but now it feels like you're
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managing their outcome. Let's take a look at what
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scripture has to say. Let's get biblical.
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Biblical. The famous story in Luke 10,
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Mary and Martha. Jesus shows up at Mary and Martha's house,
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and immediately, that familiar dynamic kicks in.
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Mary drops everything, sits at Jesus's feet, and Martha
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kicks into hosting mode. She's chopping, tidying,
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reheating something that probably didn't need reheating. Martha is
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doing the right things, at least according to most of us raised
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on hospitality and casserole theology. But the longer Mary
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stays seated, the more agitated Martha becomes.
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Eventually, she explodes, and not at Mary, but at
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Jesus. She says, lord, don't you care that my
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sister has left me to do all the work for myself? Tell her to
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help me. You can practically hear the resentment simmering in
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her voice. She's not asking for support. She's demanding
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backup. And what's Jesus's response?
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Martha. Martha. You are worried and upset about many things.
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Okay. I don't think this is a rebuke. I think it's a gentle
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naming of what's underneath the bustle. Jesus sees that
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Martha's care has tipped into control. Her helpfulness has
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become anxious managing. Her hospitality, though well
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intended, has become a performance of responsibility
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over relationship. And Mary, she's not lazy.
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She's just chosen to sit in the moment undistracted,
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present with Jesus. This isn't a scolding of
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people who like to clean kitchens and organize schedules. Bless
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you. It's a reminder that sometimes our need to help
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can crowd out the people we're trying to care for, that we
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can do all the right things for Jesus and still miss
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being with him. Jesus isn't asking Martha to abandon her
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personality. He's inviting her to lay down her
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pressure. Not everything has to be held together.
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Sometimes the most spiritual thing you could do is sit down.
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So helpful doesn't have to mean hands on. Sometimes the
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most faithful thing you can offer isn't a solution. It's
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space. Space for people to be where they are and who
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they are. Space for them to ask. Space to sit
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without fixing. Sometimes presence is the ministry.
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Silence is the support. Love doesn't need a manual.
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So if you've been trying to help and it's starting to feel a little
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forced, maybe it's time you loosen your grip, not
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your love. And, hey, if you wanna join a
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conversation of like minded caregivers, join us on our Care
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Impact podcast group on Facebook. We'd love to hear where
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you're wrestling, where your help got a little too helpful. And
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until next time, keep loving, keep laughing, and if you've
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accidentally took over someone's healing process, maybe give
