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“The Reason Why” by J.S. Hawthorne (read by William Dingo)
17th June 2022 • The Voice of Dog • Rob MacWolf and guests
00:00:00 00:32:41

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Today’s story is “The Reason Why” by J.S. Hawthorne, who can be found most recently in Found Footage, a horror anthology by Thurston Howl Publications. Keep up to date with her work by checking out her Twitter @JSHawthorn3.

A fantasy story, about a trans rebel taking on a fascist regime to protect the vulnerable and make a better world for everyone, told as a story within a story to someone who needs it.

Read by William Dingo, the Sunrise Spectator

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If you have a story you think would be a good fit, you can check out the requirements, fill out the submission template and get in touch with us.

https://thevoice.dog/episode/the-reason-why-by-j-s-hawthorne

Transcripts

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You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.

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This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,

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and Today’s story is “The Reason Why” by J.S. Hawthorne,

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who can be found most recently in Found Footage,

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a horror anthology by Thurston Howl Publications.

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Keep up to date with her work by checking out her Twitter

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@JSHawthorn3.

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It is worth asking ourselves, as we tell eachother these stories,

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which goal we are pursuing.

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Are we aspiring to worlds where bigotry does not exist,

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and living as ourselves is not brave because it does not need to be?

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Or are we acknowledging the hardships we have faced,

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the struggles to get even as far as we have,

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and the determination to face those still to come?

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We’ll not presume to answer the question for you, listener,

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but instead offer

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a story that, by being both,

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asks the same question.

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Read by William Dingo, the Sunrise Spectator, Please enjoy

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“The Reason Why” by J.S. Hawthorne

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“You seek to travel the changing ways, my child?”

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The dragon, serene and inscrutable as the ocean,

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sat on its haunches near the entrance to the deeper forest.

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It was hard to make out in the gloom of the forest,

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a sentinel of dark scales

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and luminesce blue eyes.

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The boy, a young skunk not yet into his teen years,

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frowned up at the great creature towering over him.

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It did not appear to be hostile,

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but appearances, the boy had learned in his short existence, could be deceiving.

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Could he, the boy wondered,

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trust this keeper of the gate?

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Maybe it would be better,

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he thought, to tell it what it wanted to hear.

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The dragon cocked its head at him,

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reminding him of nothing so much as a curious bird,

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and the boy resolved on honesty.

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“I do,” he said. His long, striped tail swayed behind him.

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“Will it,” he hesitated,

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then plunged on, “Will it make me who I want to be?” “My child,” said the dragon in its gentle, patient voice,

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“Only you can make you

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who you want to be.

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We all may be influenced by others,

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but in the end, we decide who we are.”

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He was not entirely sure that made him feel better.

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The dragon sat, staring down at the boy,

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as though waiting.

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He swallowed. “Will it hurt?”

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he asked. The dragon shook its great head.

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“Not a bit. It is a slow change and you might feel some discomfort,

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but it will not hurt.”

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“What if I’m wrong?”

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“About wanting to walk the changing ways?”

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the dragon asked.

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When the boy nodded, it smiled at him.

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“Then you will have learned something valuable about yourself.

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As with many things in life,

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there is no point along the ways where you cannot decide to turn back.”

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The boy nodded.

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“I… they said I would have to convince you that I really needed to do this.”

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The dragon’s smile turned sad.

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“Oh, my child. I am a guide, not a guardian.

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The only person you need to convince is yourself.”

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“Oh.” The boy fidgeted a little bit,

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looking past the dragon at the small break between the trees that marked the beginning of the path.

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He did not step forward.

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The dragon laid itself down next to the path,

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not blocking it but merely settling nearby,

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and indicated a well-worn stump not far away.

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“If you wish, I can tell you a story while you decide if you are ready.”

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The boy hesitated, eyeing

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the deeper forest,

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then sat carefully on the stump,

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arranging his dress as he made himself comfortable.

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“What sort of story?”

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“It is a story of the changing ways.” * * *

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Once, a very long time ago, there

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was a girl. She was a skunk, like you,

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and, like you, she wished to travel the changing ways.

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When she was born, she had been assigned a name

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and a role that were not hers,

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growing up in a body that did not function as her brain told her it should.

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In those days, the changing ways were lost and wild.

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That was a time of great upheaval,

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where jealous and angry people fought to seize power no matter the cost.

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The entrances to the ways were jealously guarded by individuals who had no use for it.

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Some of them had good intentions,

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an honest desire to protect and study the ways.

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Others saw power in being the arbiter

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of who was worthy enough to walk the ways.

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And yet others convinced themselves that to be different was to be dangerous:

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a deviation, something to be feared.

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Or, worse yet, they saw that by controlling the ways,

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they could manipulate those who saw a threat in people

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who wanted nothing more than to live freely

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and honestly. This fight over access was a small portion

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of a larger cultural war,

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and the changing ways were treated, at the time,

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as a minor, unfortunate casualty

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in a more important conflict.

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This woman, she wanted to walk the changing ways,

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but found her way barred.

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The victims were treated, not as people,

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but as allegory, a cautionary tale to warn others who were not so squarely in harm’s way.

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Few fought for her,

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so she fought for herself,

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and for others like her.

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In the beginning, it was a battle of words.

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She spoke with everyone she could,

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trying to convince them that the changing ways were meant to be used,

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that they existed for a reason.

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Frequently her pleas would go unheard.

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It took her years to find someone who was willing to let her travel the ways,

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and another year on top of that to perform all of the tasks that person demanded

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before they would permit anyone to enter the deeper forest.

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She did all that was asked of her,

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and more. She persuaded those who had the power to stop her that she was worthy.

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She was an adult when she was finally allowed to walk the ways.

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There, every step of her path was watched.

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Any deviation, she was told,

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would result in her access being revoked,

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being forced back into the role she had tried so hard to escape.

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She was forced to trade one uncomfortable body for another,

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albeit one closer to what she needed.

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If she tried to explain that she needed a different path,

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another way, she was chided

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and warned what would happen

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if they strayed from the way outlined for her.

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The people who told her this, they said,

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may even have believed,

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that the rules they set out were for her protection.

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They said they wanted to be sure no one walked the ways accidentally,

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that no one regretted their choices.

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They told her there were dangers on the ways,

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fearful creatures, pitfalls,

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things waiting to hurt her.

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They said that the rules were to protect her.

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And while there are dangers to the paths one must walk through the deeper forest,

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she found, over time,

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that the rules did nothing to protect her from those dangers.

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But she followed the rules,

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as she was made to,

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and she walked her path.

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It is strange to consider

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how serendipitous life can be.

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Had this woman been born a little earlier,

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she might never have had access to the changing ways.

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Had she been born a little later,

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she might never had had the difficulties she faced,

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and wouldn’t have had the fortitude to do what she had to.

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She was born at the right time,

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and in the right place,

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and with the right circumstances.

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So when the world tilted,

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suddenly and frighteningly,

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she was ready. It was and wasn’t a surprise.

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For years, life had been, for the most part, improving.

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These big battles, fights over the levers of power,

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had little effect on the day-to-day existence of most people.

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People pushed back against the gatekeepers who sought to control the changing ways.

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They educated others about what they needed,

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and who were able to explain to others

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how the systems of control had no value.

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There was growing support

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and opportunity for people like her.

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For people like you.

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It seemed, to many,

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to be inevitable that justice should prevail.

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Justice is not, however,

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inevitable. Those who sought power, to rule uncontested,

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resorted to darker and fouler means to achieve those goals.

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They grabbed hold of whatever they could,

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and twisted it, steadily,

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to suit their own desires.

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They broke every facet of the social contract,

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violating every norm and custom so blatantly

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that few could believe that it was happening,

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and so many simply did not believe.

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The corruptible became the corrupted.

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The corrupted became

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rulers. It is a sad truism

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that the most evil of individuals will scapegoat and target those with the least protection.

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So it happened that,

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after years of befouling every basis of government,

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one particularly loathsome individual took hold of the reins of power.

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He was not the first of these types of people to gain power,

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nor will he be the last,

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but he built an empire on a legacy of hatred and cruelty.

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Among his very first targets,

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even while he was still clawing his way to power,

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were people like her,

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like you. That should have been enough to stop him there,

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but while people are fundamentally good,

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they are also trained to ignore pain when it does not affect them personally.

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He attacked those who simply wished an honest life as who they were

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and others wrote it off as unfortunate

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but ultimately irrelevant to their lives.

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A temporary problem that would remedy itself

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when he was no longer in power.

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Yet, each position he secured

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he used to cement his power,

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to make it harder to remove him from office.

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And with each step,

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he found himself needing more victims to appease those who supported him.

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So this man, as he became more powerful,

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became more horrible for the individuals forced to live under his despotism.

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The woman could have done nothing.

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She had walked the changing ways,

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had sufficient access and privilege

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that she could have lived out her life, as safe as

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anyone else, as free

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as anyone else. She could have had her life,

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at the cost of those who would come after her.

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Indeed, many of her peers told her

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that was what she should do.

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After all, they reasoned,

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others would have to do no more than she had had to do,

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at least then. They said,

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even if things became truly horrible,

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as though they had not already,

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she could just leave

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and go somewhere else.

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My child, it was beyond her to simply let these injustices pass..

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She saw suffering and

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could not abide it.

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Instead of fleeing from oppression,

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she rallied others under a banner of blue and gold,

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which bore the scales of justice,

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balanced on the tip of a sword.

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Her fight brought her first to the halls of power,

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where she railed and cried against those who had permitted such cruelty to take root.

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She took to the streets and gathered others who had awoken to the hatred that pervaded her nation.

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This evil had already leaked out to other kingdoms,

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infected them, cowing those who sought peace,

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emboldening those who flew flags of hate.

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She showed them where to be,

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how to yell and be heard,

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how to fight without raising a sword.

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And this vile man,

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he took notice of her,

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of her threat to the comfortable,

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ordered pain on which he sat.

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He branded her an enemy,

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accused her of the direst crimes,

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charged her with sedition and treason.

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He tried to turn the people away from her,

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and when that failed, tried to destroy her ability to speak.

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Where she went, she found the halls of government closed to her.

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When she spoke, those who had power were warned not to listen.

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So she spoke louder.

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She was arrested,

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punished, threatened with worse.

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And so she railed

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all the harder. When doors were barred against her,

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she broke them down,

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sometimes literally.

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When government attempted to shut her out,

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she ground it to a halt, by any means at her disposal,

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until it had to stop and listen to what she said.

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I wish, my child, I could tell you that that was enough.

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In other times in history,

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it had been enough.

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Perhaps if more people had stood with her,

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if more had understood the threat one man can be.

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Perhaps if more had recognized the paths that had led this man to power,

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or the dangers of suffering a group so dedicated to personal enrichment

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that they are willing to destroy everything,

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including the land itself, to get what they want.

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Perhaps. We can never really know how things might have been different,

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only how they were.

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Perhaps this could have ended differently.

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But it ended, as perhaps

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it was destined to,

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in blood. The man,

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so infected by his own ego,

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could not back down.

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He could not relent,

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even the tiniest bit,

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on the cruelty that he inflicted on everyone around him.

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He had, after all,

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a long line of predecessors,

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each more arrogant,

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more horrible than the last,

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each who had never faced consequences for even the worst abuses of their assorted offices,

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to look back on. Hatred like his does not just exist statically,

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it grows, like a twisted thorn,

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unless rooted out.

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And this man’s roots ran deep and strong.

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When he could no longer ignore her,

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he abandoned all pretense.

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No longer was his a government of law,

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but a government of,

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by, and through him

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and him alone. The woman was branded an enemy,

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to be killed on sight,

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her supporters and followers to be dealt with as harshly as possible.

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Even then, she could have left.

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Many did. Many did not and died,

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martyrs to the cause of justice and equity.

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We may never know the true numbers of the dead,

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nor will we ever have a true tally of the dead’s names or lives.

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What we do know is that this woman did not flee.

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She did not hide.

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She took up a sword to match her banner,

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and she marched. She fought, and her allies and supporters

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and friends fought by her side,

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but the man had allies as well.

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They had the benefit of power,

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of money, of control.

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From the very beginning it appeared that the woman could not overcome what the man, and those like him and who had preceded him,

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had built. It is a terrifying thing,

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to be so overwhelmed.

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But there is a curious thing about cruelty.

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When one lives an entire life without ever facing any resistance,

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when one builds a world premised on hurting the most vulnerable,

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one forgets that power

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is not invincible.

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An individual ignores the consequences of their actions at their own peril.

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The man had a government,

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but it was a government weakened by graft

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and corruption. He had money,

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but he could not buy skilled strategists,

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or an army willing to die for him.

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He had control, but could not understand why he couldn’t control others

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when the risk to them

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became greater than he.

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He built a world of cruelty,

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and found that it could just be as cruel to him.

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Which is not to say that the outcome of this war was predestined.

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There were many times when a bit of chance could have turned the tides.

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It is perhaps easy,

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and tempting, to say that men like that cannot survive forever.

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Even if that were the truth, though,

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it is not a guarantee that any one person could have done what the woman did

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in the end. And the longer a man like that remains in power,

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the more harm he causes.

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No one should ever

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permit hatred to rule,

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even for the shortest time.

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Hatred causes harm that can never be erased.

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And if nothing else remains with you, my child,

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the loss of even one life is a tragedy that can never be repaid

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or remedied. Their war raged across this land,

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from the seas to the mountains.

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The woman led her people into battle, fighting at their head.

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The man sent others to do battle in his stead,

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unwilling or simply incapable of showing any interest in his own war.

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It is said that his wrath was fearsome,

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and that his generals began to lie to him about the state of the war,

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so that they would not have to face his rage.

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More than a few of his most talented soldiers defected,

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or simply left the war behind to live beyond the edges of battle.

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It is said that when her army arrived at the capital city,

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ready for the final conflict,

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he was completely surprised.

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His last advisors had told him that he was completely safe,

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that the woman was safely contained in some remote part of the kingdom,

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unable to raise an army large enough to do more than sit

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besieged. They lied to his face

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and then fled the city.

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It is said that so great was his anger

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that the last of his officers fled in the night

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and he was left with no one to die in his place.

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But do not think that this was an easy victory.

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He still had an army,

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one made of those who did not realize that they fought to support a regime built on pain

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or who did realize this

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and believed it to be the best possible world

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or, worst of all, those who realized it and simply did not care.

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Nor was the woman’s army untouched by the horrors they had experienced.

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War is a terrible thing,

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even a just and necessary war.

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It haunts those who live through it,

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whether fighter or witness.

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The woman, who had seen the war from its inception,

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from the twisted roots that gave birth to it as surely as they had given birth to the man,

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had no desire to force more pain on those who fought at her side.

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The man, who had turned away from war

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and therefore never had to experience it,

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had no ability to force his army to fight on his behalf.

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In the end, the woman set the rules for their final battle,

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and she chose a personal fight,

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between herself and him.

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It was a proposition that appealed greatly to him,

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because he had long ago begun to believe in his own lies about his invincibility.

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He thought that by removing this one woman–a

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woman he could not even refer to by her true name–he

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would win and his world would revert to the comfortable cycle of abuse and cruelty that he had so

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carefully cultivated.

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It also appealed greatly to the woman,

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being the wiser of the two.

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She knew that both armies wished for nothing more

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than an end to the fighting,

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but her army fought to protect,

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while his fought only to save itself.

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If she won, then his army would fall apart,

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held together solely by dedication to him.

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If he won, on the other hand,

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then her army would continue on in her absence,

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and she had lost nothing but her life.

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That was the great secret of her victory,

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in the end. She won because of the reason why she fought:

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to protect and save others,

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to build a better world for those who would come after her.

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She did not fight to serve herself

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or ease her own hardships.

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Those she had already overcome.

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She fought to prevent others,

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to prevent children,

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like you, from having to face those same hardships.

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They met, their swords drawn,

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in a great plaza on the edge of the capital,

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what had once been a bustling marketplace but that the man had rebuilt into a monument to himself and his heroes,

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those who had paved the way

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for his ambitions,

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who had shown him how to refine cruelty

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into a needle-sharp point

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and to forge a path to power

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out of the blood of the vulnerable.

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The man made a grandiose speech

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about a perfect world,

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a world in his image,

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a world free from deviation.

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His words were not pretty,

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it had been a very long time since had had to make them pretty,

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and there was only the thinnest veneer of respectability to his speech.

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Whatever his words,

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his intent was plain.

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He promised a world of cruelty

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and the destruction of the things he had worked so hard to convince others were a threat:

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honesty, equity, love.

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When he was done,

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the woman raised her sword

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and said, simply, “A perfect world is one free from the petty hatreds of petty cowards.”

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They fought. My child,

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it is a glorious

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and terrible thing to see a true battle between masters.

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The woman lacked formal training in the sword,

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but she had had many long years of bitter experience to learn how to handle a blade.

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The man had no experience in a true fight,

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for until the woman had come,

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none would have dared to take up a sword against him,

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but he had had the best tutors that money could buy.

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He scored the first hit,

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a deep one against her thigh,

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under the edge of her armor.

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She landed the next hit,

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a scratch along his neck,

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not deep enough to win the fight,

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but enough to show that she did not think this a game.

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For him, her blood represented a prize to be won,

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a story to tell of his invulnerability.

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For her, though, his blood, and hers,

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was the cost of safety.

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Perhaps the blow had shaken his confidence.

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Perhaps that scratch had forced him to realize that he could be injured,

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that he was a flesh and blood person after all.

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Perhaps he finally was made to recognize the difference between staged exhibitions,

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where his opponents feared what would happen to them

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if they allowed any harm to befall him,

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and a true fight to the death against someone who no longer feared him.

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Or perhaps it was simply fate.

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Whatever the reason,

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her first hit was not her last.

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Her sword flashed out with all the fury of an avenging angel.

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She caught him between the segments of his pauldron on the right,

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her blade severing the mail underneath and fouling the armor.

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On the backstroke,

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she dented the couter

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and rerebrace, rendering his right arm immobile inside his armor.

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He was forced to switch his sword to his offhand,

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and she pressed the attack.

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Another strike dented his helmet,

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and another slipped between the gaps of his armor, drawing blood again.

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He fell back, hoping to get to the safety of an army that was no longer there.

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He did not break before her, though,

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and his counterstrokes blooded her arms and shoulders.

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A lucky thrust took her eye and left a scar on her muzzle

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that she wore for the rest of her life.

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While they fought,

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her army liberated the city.

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His effigies were pulled down and shattered,

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his visage defaced wherever it appeared.

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It was a brutal battle,

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but a short one. In the end,

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she drove her sword through his throat,

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and he died, silenced by the wound,

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in the streets of the city he had tried to strangle.

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The war did not end there, of course.

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There is no shortage of individuals who feel entitled to absolute deference,

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who will not hesitate to fan the flames of hatred to secure power.

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But the war did not last much longer.

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Without their figurehead,

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without a standing army,

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the forces of oppression flittered

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and died, at least for the moment.

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New laws were drafted,

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designed to protect against the excesses of the previous era.

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As for the woman,

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she refused to accept any position in the new government.

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She was honored, of course,

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but largely she eschewed such things.

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In the few statues she permitted to be raised in her honor,

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and every painting made of her,

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she insisted that her scar

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and missing eye be prominently shown.

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A reminder, she said,

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that there is no price too high to pay to fight

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if it means that others may live more freely.

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She designed only one monument,

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which stands now when her blood first spilled in her fight with the man.

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It was, and is, a pillar of steel,

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representing her sacrifices

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and the lengths to which we must go to protect those who cannot protect themselves.

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She spoke, on occasion,

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and traveled so that others might see her

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and know her story from her,

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but after a few short years,

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she retired to live out the rest of her life in peace.

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That was, after all,

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all she had ever wanted. * * *

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“She did all that,” the boy wondered softly.

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“But she didn’t have to?”

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The dragon shook its massive head.

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“No. She was no longer beholden to the gatekeepers of the changing ways,

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able to take from them what she needed without having to be physically present.

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If she chose, though she rarely did,

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she was fully capable of passing as though she had never walked the ways.

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She was fortunate in life,

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and had both support and means to flee,

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though of course,

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in that time, there were few safe places to run to.

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Power, particularly power born of hate,

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does not content itself to what it has.

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It is like a fire,

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it consumes and grows,

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and must continue to grow

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or die.” “Why didn’t she run?”

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“I said, my child,” the dragon told him,

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though its tone was patient.

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“It mattered more to her that you would have the safety she was denied.”

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The boy looked past the dragon at the forest,

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his brow furrowed in concentration.

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“You’re wondering why I chose that story to tell you?”

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the dragon asked.

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The boy, sheepish, nodded.

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“Because it is important to know the history of this place,

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and that you appreciate what was sacrificed to give you the freedom you now have.

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“Do not mistake me,”

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the dragon continued when the boy opened his mouth to interrupt.

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“I didn’t tell you this to imply that you have any obligation to her

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or to the changing ways.

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If you decide this is not what you want,

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either now or after you have traveled the ways for a time,

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or that if you are not yet ready to walk that path,

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then that is a fine and valid decision.

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“You should know what it cost to make that option available to you, however,

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so that you understand that it is your choice.

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That is what she wanted:

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the freedom to choose

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and, more importantly,

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the freedom for you

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to choose, and all others who seek out the entrance to the changing ways.

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If you go no further than that stump,

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then all that I ask of you

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is that you remember the woman

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who gave her eye and her blood

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that everyone might have the right to decide for themselves

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what will best heal their soul.

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Remember her, so that, when evil individuals like him arise again,

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and they will, that you will know what is at stake

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and do what is right.”

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The boy hesitated, then said,

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“Can I ask another question?”

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The dragon laughed,

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a rich, sun-dappled river of a laugh.

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“My child, you may ask as many questions as you desire.

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My time is unlimited.”

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“Why didn’t you tell me their names?”

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“I did not tell you her name because she wished to be known by her actions.

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What mattered to her is what she did,

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and she wanted others to remember sacrifice

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and pain and, above all,

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how necessary it is to fight for each other before the fight becomes the

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only option remaining.

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I can tell you that she was a beautiful woman,

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tall and strong, with dark black fur

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and a long, bushy tail that she loved,

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even as she insisted that she was vain to love a part of herself.

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I can tell you that she was not vain,

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whatever she thought,

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but so selfless as to believe that her

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honest joy in existence,

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in simply being permitted to be,

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might be vanity. “I did not tell you his name, however,

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because people like that desire, more than

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anything else, to be remembered,

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whether as hero or villain.

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It is the greatest

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and last punishment we can inflict on someone willing to hurt others for their own self-aggrandizement

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that we condemn their memory itself to damnation,

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and remember only their crimes and their fall.

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Her statues, few though they are,

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still stand. Of him,

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no image nor description remains.”

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The boy sat back and digested this.

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These were heady thoughts for a boy

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who wished only to shed dresses for breeches,

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to cut his hair short

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but not too short,

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to choose a name that reflected himself

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and not the wishes of others.

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The dragon sat with him,

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not speaking, barely moving,

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a dark, scaly sentinel

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in the comforting gloom of the forest.

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At long last, the boy stood up

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and took a deep breath,

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facing the dark path into the forest.

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“I’m ready,” he said,

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and the dragon smiled at him.

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“But… do you think you could walk with me a while?”

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The dragon inclined its great head.

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“My child, I will be by your side for as long as you wish,

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however far down the ways you decide to go.”

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This was “The Reason Why”

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by J.S. Hawthorne, read for you by William Dingo, the sunrise spectator.

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You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Happy Pride, and Thank you for listening to The Voice of Dog.

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