“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

0:07

Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, you know that 50 something who is delighted to talk to you about life, love, and a heaping of other topics. Today I want to discuss the lyrics of one of my favorite songs by Envogue and how it can apply to our lives. The song is entitled Give It Up, Turn It Loose. If you don't know the song, the basic gist of it is this is young lady is being strung along by her boyfriend. Her friends have tried to encourage her to give it up and turn it loose because it's not a healthy relationship for her. Tonight, I want to focus on some things that I have to give up and turn loose. There's nothing healthy about holding on to these three things.

0:52

Every now and I'm going to show a little of my nerdy side and guys just bear with me. This is one of those nights. One of the things that I've learned I have to do is let go of past trauma. I want to explain what not working through past trauma can do to us and why it's particularly harmful. Recently, I read that you can think of past trauma as shrapnel in your mind. That's right, it's leftover harmful fragments of an injury. When you don't remove physical shrapnel, it has an impact on the body. Mental shrapnel has an impact on the mind that can prevent you from experiencing your best life and happiness. I believe this problem exists among many people in our society today. It's definitely difficult to work through traumatic experiences, but healing from them offers a fuller and richer life. Negative events tend to stay in our minds 10 times longer than positive events. The implications of that just blow my mind. How many of us at the end of the day can recount more negative experiences than positive? When I think about children who are growing up in this pandemic.,I wonder how much trauma they are experiencing and absorbing? There is so much secondary trauma that piles on top of what they already are dealing with personally. I'm on a mission to give past trauma up and turn it loose.

2:16

The second thing I have committed myself to giving up and turning loose is self-doubt. Wayne Gretzky once said you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I am super guilty of this because I often suffer from analysis paralysis. I would think through a situation so deeply that I convinced myself I don't have the tools to carry out whatever the task is at hand. Has that ever happened to you? You were presented with an opportunity and you convinced yourself that you don't have the knowledge, skills, or abilities to handle the task. Dunning Kruger effect is real, but here's the irony regarding this. People who boast about being confident and competent, often are not. People who do have the acumen for a task, often shy away from it because of self-doubt. It is important to take honest stock of what you have to offer in this situation. I'm the first to say I never want to be promoted past my competence, but you do have to give yourself credit for the things you do know and are able to do. Moving forward I'm willing to take an honest assessment of my skills and not knock myself before I even give myself a chance to prove that I can't do something. I have to give it up and turn it loose.

3:34

The last thing I need to give up and turn loose and I am so ashamed to say this ya'll is holding grudges. This is one of the most pointless and fruitless things that exist in my life. If a person angers me, the recovery period is pretty fast. Hurt my feelings and well that's when a grudge might just sneak up and appear. Voltaire said, "We are all formed of frailty and error, let us reciprocally pardon one another. "That's easier said than done, my friends! When someone injures me emotionally I must admit my first thought is not how I've been guilty of the same offense before. When I do come to my senses, I realize that holding a grudge hurts me more than the other person. I am confining myself to a negative space. Forgiveness is the only way to liberate myself, friends from being tied down by a grudge. It is a useless burden and that is why I have to give it up and turn it loose.

4:34

What do you need to give up today? What have you got to turn loose? Thanks for listening this evening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune, and a good night. Cocoa Griot out.