The focal point of this episode revolves around the notion that conflict, when approached with the right mindset, can serve as a constructive force within both business and personal interactions. Hosts Ben and Syya expound upon the idea that individuals often recoil from conflict due to a pervasive fear of negative outcomes, yet they assert that embracing conflict can lead to enhanced problem-solving and innovative thinking.

Through candid discussions, they highlight personal experiences that illustrate the necessity of confronting challenges head-on rather than avoiding them. Furthermore, the conversation delves into the importance of emotional intelligence and self-reflection as tools for navigating conflicts effectively, encouraging listeners to recognize their own contributions to discord.

Ultimately, the episode serves as a poignant reminder that conflict, rather than being an adversary, can be harnessed to foster growth and collaboration in various contexts. In this enlightening episode, Ben and Syya dissect the multifaceted nature of conflict, advocating for a paradigm shift in how individuals perceive and engage with disagreements. They argue that conflict, rather than being an inherent evil, can be an essential component of growth and innovation within both personal and professional contexts.

Ben and Syya’s insights serve as a powerful reminder that effective conflict management not only enhances personal relationships but also fosters a culture of collaboration and innovation within organizations.

Takeaways:

• The unpredictable nature of people in both business and life serves as a significant X factor.
• Conflict, when approached constructively, can lead to innovative solutions and improved collaboration.
• Recognizing personal responsibility in conflict situations is crucial for emotional maturity and growth.
• Embracing conflict as an opportunity for dialogue allows for the exploration of diverse perspectives and ideas.

Links referenced in this episode:

• IAmBenBaker.com
• BrilliantBeamMedia.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• HP
• benbaker.com
• brilliantbeammedia.com

If there's one thing we've learned about business and life is that people are the X factor.

They constantly surprise us, both in amazing ways and not so much.

We're Ben and Sia, and welcome to the Gnaw this Business Bites podcast.

This show is all about real life, things we all deal with every day, how they relate to business, and how to make some sense out of our daily chaos.

Welcome to the show.

Foreign.

Welcome back to another episode of Non this Business Bites.

I'm Ben and this is Sia.

And here's something to think about.

Conflict can be constructive if you let it.

Let me say that again.

Conflict can be constructive if you let it.

I know the majority of people out there.

Everybody raise your hands in the audience.

Let's get.

Let's get a hand raised.

He says people hate conflict.

People walk away from conflict.

I'm hearing about people today that leave jobs and go.

Go work for somebody else because they're afraid to ask for a raise.

They're afraid to ask for a raise.

They're afraid to ask for.

For a title bump because they're afraid that somebody might say no to them.

So instead of asking for it, they go find another job.

Somebody else.

This is the world that we live in.

The world of, you know, people breaking up over text, people, you know, people just ghosting each other because people are afraid and uncomfortable with conflict.

But conflict, ladies and gentlemen, can be a good thing.

Conflict lets us get better.

Conflict lets us expand ideas, solve problems, get to the root of a problem.

We need to think of conflict as not as the enemy, but something that is brought together where two various ideas or ideologies attack a problem from different sides of the table.

But you're both looking at the problem, not at each other.

This is a.

This isn't an attack against the individual.

This is attack against the problem.

And sitting there saying, how can we elevate this together?

How can we make everything better?

How can we take what you think and I think find some symbiosis in there and make something is better that's better than one plus one equals two.

So, Sia, let's not this.

You know, we talk about conflict a lot, my friend.

Yes.

And I'm a conflict avoider.

I am such a conflict avoider.

I am like.

I mean, no one will ever accuse me.

I am aggressive, but I'm a conflict avoider, which I know people don't understand that.

And they think, you know, for people who don't know me, think that my assertiveness means I like conflict.

That I like to get in people's faces and whatnot.

That's not the case at all.

Right.

But it's interesting that you say that because there are times you have to stand up for yourself, right?

There are times you just have to set your boundaries.

You don't have to be aggressive about it.

You don't got to be like low eq, getting each other's faces and all that stuff, but understanding and having the wherewithal to know that hey, we're, I'm entering the world of impasse with another individual.

There is something to be said about a catching it while it's happening and being aware of it, right?

Which usually means slow the F down.

Right.

Second thing is, is look at yourself.

Are you the cause?

Are you contributing to this conflict?

Because whatever it is that you're feeling conflicted about, are you contributing to it?

Because let's be honest, it's so easy to blame others for things that maybe you might have had a hand in making, right?

And at the same time on that is standing back, reframe, repurpose, re look, re swizzle and be like, okay, in as I'm in this situation, is this a learning lesson for me simultaneously?

And every single step that I just mentioned is not easy.

No.

And every single step in that situation I just mentioned, Ben, is a lot of emotional maturity.

We keep talking about EQ when it comes to conflict.

You, it's really to me, based on all of our various conversations, this is a test of how really emotionally intelligent are you.

And it's okay if the answer is while you are still a 12 year old SIA and you better frickin right that ship and that's okay.

And at that point then what is it that's triggering you to get to that point?

Like something else is going on in your life that you're not able to handle it.

And that's also another bigger, not just EQ thing, but real self analysis of like, you know, trauma is real.

You might, for people who have gone through therapy like and they've identified it and it worked for them, it's been a like a total life changer.

For those that don't go through therapy, you know, try to figure out what it is.

And I know it's not good to self therapy, whatever, but at least own the fact that there are things that trigger you.

If you don't want to get help for yourself, that's your own prerogative.

But know that those triggers, it's because you won't work through them.

Understand that your response to it could be the cause of a lot of that friction.

Oh yeah.

I mean, we all.

Have.

Something to do with our own minutia.

We all do.

We all the muck that we mire through has something to do with our own.

With our own.

It's usually because it's something we've done or something we haven't done or something we've acquiesced to letting somebody else do.

And that's a challenge to just sit there and say, what is, what is my emotional material?

What.

What is the hill I'm willing to die on?

What.

What is my, what is my values?

What is my purpose?

What is my vision?

What are the things that I hold dear in my life?

What are the.

What are my ride and dies?

You know, when I wrote my book, funny, I wrote this book originally for university students because university students are horrible communicators of their own vision.

And I wrote a book called Powerful Personal Brands, A Hands On Guide to Understanding Yours.

And I wrote it because I was, I was doing a lot of volunteer work at the universities, teaching people how to communicate, how to network, how, how to interview.

And they had a very horrible sense of their own self, you know, and they, and they were, they were conflict avoiding.

They were, they were just like, you know what?

I don't want, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to toot my own horn.

I don't want to, I don't want to tell people how, you know, the things I've done because they may think it's weird.

They may think it's bizarre that I've, that I'm actually into doing this.

Yeah.

And I went, you know what we need to realize each one of us is unique.

Each one of us has our own hopes, wants, fears, needs and desires.

Each one of us has our own biases and, you know, in weird parts.

And that's okay.

We do.

We, we all have things within our personalities that other people go, okay, I either still like this person or I'm just going to back away slowly and just make sure that I keep eye contact as I back away.

But we need to embrace that about ourselves and realize that it's important to be able to have, be able to stand up for our own beliefs.

Because if we don't stand up for our own beliefs, we become insular and we become, you know, we become stuck in our, in our, where we are and we, we have no ability to evolve.

We have no ability to be promoted or to be, you know, or to be seen as more than.

Because people want to hear what you have to say.

They may not like it at times, but if you can articulate it and you can sit there and say, I believe this because.

Or I see this and this is why I think we should do this, and you can articulate it in such a way that's conflictual.

That is conflict, because you're taking a point of view that you may know might not be the popular view, but it needs to be said.

I mean, I'm a consultant.

I get paid to tell people their babies are ugly.

My job is to tell people and say, hey, listen, this is probably not going to work because of this.

Or have you thought of this?

Or what about looking at it this way?

That's.

That's what I get paid for on.

On a daily basis.

And none of that endears me at times to C suite because they think that they've thought through all the ideas and all that, but if they had, they wouldn't be paying me.

And sometimes having a point of view that is completely off payroll, that doesn't have that political sense of, oh, my God, I'm going to get fired if I say something is a healthy thing for any leader to have, to have somebody that can sit there and say, hey, listen, you know what?

Maybe you need to look at things this way.

Maybe you need to take three steps back and let's refocus on this, because I think you're moving too quickly, and I think we're going to run into trouble if we keep going in that direction.

That's all conflictual.

That's all conflict, but that's conflict in a positive manner.

Explain not only the the what, but the why behind it and how we can get beyond that.

You know, I can tell people that their baby's ugly, but it says, you know what?

We could put a really cute sweater and hat on that baby.

And you know what?

It's gonna look great in the photos.

And it's a matter of going to the point of just not just being, you know, belligerent for belligerent sake, but saying, I'm taking a contrary point of view.

Because I think this is.

This is the right thing to be done.

And I think we're going to be able to help the organization or the person be better and find their better angels by doing so.

So you.

Gosh, I just love listening to you because you always, like, generate, like, memories, like, up in my head.

And, you know, I just remember there's one opportunity I.

This is years Ago.

Just heads up, if anyone's wondering.

Years, years, years ago.

And I was.

I was helping out a reseller partner.

So for those that are not in the tech world, just imagine like a.

A shop that does the services on behalf of, like, you know, hp, for example.

Right.

So anyway, they had an event, a little party, if you want to call it that they were doing.

And even though I'm quote the vendor, I. I have a tendency to help behind the scenes.

I just want to be helpful.

I want their event to go well for them.

Right.

And it was so interesting because I'm, I'm helping them on the setup and the.

We're kind of like, you know, getting things together.

And just as, as, as things do, the.

The stuff wasn't coming together well.

AV wasn't working.

Oh, well, the positioning of this or food didn't come on time.

And now we're scrambling to find, you know, who.

Who's got like, a bag of chips in their car, bring it out.

Because we got no food for these people.

I mean, it was that level of, like, stress, right?

Yeah.

And I remember one of the individuals, like, like, I had.

I had offered something which was, hey, knowing that we don't have something, do we want to just get, like, it.

Just order delivery now?

Like, we've got 30 minutes.

Like, it's.

Yeah, the first 30 minutes might not have food or whatever, but at least we know food's on the way.

And.

And I should have known better, too, on the timing, on things.

But I tried to be helpful and all that.

Well, the person snapped at me, and I just looked at them and I, I knew.

I knew they weren't mad at me, they were mad at the situation.

And I might have maybe asked a question that was kind of like a not now kind of vibe, right?

Which I can fully respect.

But they totally snapped at me.

And I just looked at him, I said, hey, you're mad at the situation.

You're not mad at me, but you might want to readjust that tone because other people are going to hear it.

And it was so interesting.

I.

It snapped them out.

And in the past, I would have not said anything.

I would have just taken it, and I would have been like, oh, they're mad.

You know, they're stressed with the situation.

I would have just walked away and been like, ooh, you know what?

Many people do?

Like, I don't deal with that anymore.

Right.

But I, I just said, hey, you got this.

But you're mad at the situation, you're not mad at me.

Watch the tone.

I didn't say watch the tone, but I said, hey, people can hear us, right?

And hear you talking to me this way.

And so it was really interesting because it snapped him right out of it.

They did apologize and then they kind of.

We all went and did the thing.

But yeah, you just totally just reminded me of like, how many times in business have we been snapped at in the high stress moment of the job?

And then we take it and walk away.

Well, what that does is, is it probably builds resentment over time of, like being mistreated.

Right.

Or.

Or it could also be, if you are someone that does self reflection, why didn't you stop it?

Why did you allow yourself to be touched that way?

So, I mean, there's so many different facets on this.

And I think again, when conflict can be good is recognizing the conflict will happen.

But what do you do out of it?

How do you react to it?

What is your take from it?

That I think is the win.

Yeah.

And I think that's so important.

I think that it's important to sit there and say, when is the time to just back off and have that conversation with them after the fact that says, you know what?

I realized you were, you were stressed out.

But you know what?

We can't talk to each other like that because it puts us in a bad situation in front of the clients.

And when is it, hey, wait a second, we need to deal with this right now.

Yeah.

And obviously, you know, this person, if left to their own devices, probably would have continued down that path.

And, you know, you don't, you don't want them to look bad in front of their clients.

And by, by saying something and by stepping up and by, you know, creating that level of conflict, you were able to situate and create a residual or make the situation better and be able to sit there or at least change.

At least change the conversation to a point where everybody was refocused and focused on the customer and say, all right, how do we move forward?

You know, stuff has hit the fan, it's hit the fan.

There's nothing we can do about it.

It's hit the fan.

How do we move forward from here?

How do we fix this?

You know, you totally remind me of, of.

God, I'm such a visual.

For those that know south park, it's.

Or.

Or anyone that ever watched Caesar Milan, it's like getting people out of the red zone.

Yes.

I just did the equivalent of like, you know, calm down.

But I think that's.

I think maybe that is a Great skill too, to learn is like, okay, usually when there is time of conflict, people are in that pink and red zone.

How do you get out of it gracefully and.

Because it's going to happen.

I mean, I think, and I think, I think that's the other thing people don't like to address in business is the fact that red zones happen.

It will happen.

And, and, and it's not anything that like anyone intends to go into that, that frame of mind.

Yeah.

And of course HR would love to say it never happens.

Don't lie.

Come on.

Come on.

I think we need to talk and I think it's time to land this thing, but I think we need to talk about conflict with Grace.

And I think that's, that's a great place to land this thing is that, you know, you need to think of the other person on the other side of the conflict from you as an individual and human being.

Yeah.

And we, and we always need to be humanes, acting humanely.

We don't want to embarrass people.

We don't want to, we don't want to, you know, we won't want to put the person in a situation where they, where they feel less than.

You don't want to put people in a position where they feel that they've done something stupid.

You know, we all, we all know if we've messed up.

Trust me, no one is a worse critic about something than yourself.

You know, 99 of people have got that self talk going at 100 miles an hour at 100 decibels in their, in their minds when they, when they've messed up.

So you don't, you don't need to be piling onto that, but you also need to be in a situation where you say, okay, how do we fix this?

And it might mean, you know, giving people a suggestion that is, that is contrary to what they think they could do.

But hey, listen, how do we, how do we put ourselves in a situation where we can take something that's, that's bad, something that's not working, something that's ineffective, and be able to move forward with it and be able to turn lemons into lemonade?

So let's leave, let's leave it there.

I'm Ben.

I'm Sia.

And we'll see you soon.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for listening to another episode of not on this Business Bites.

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