What if the thing you call "healing" is actually just a well-practiced way of coping? In this episode of The Healing Mindset, host Ria talks with Pesa Shayo, co-founder of Live Your Best Marriage, about the quiet difference between surviving pain and actually working through it, a distinction he learned firsthand navigating 20-plus years of cross-cultural marriage.

Pesa shares why he stopped using the word "trigger" in favor of "activation," how a few seconds of pause can completely change a reaction, and why comparing your healing timeline to someone else's only adds anxiety. It's a grounded, encouraging conversation for anyone who feels like they should be further along by now.

About the Guest:

Pesa Shayo is an author and co-founder of Live Your Best Marriage, a ministry he runs with his wife, Whitney, helping cross-cultural couples navigate cultural differences that once nearly ended their own marriage of more than 20 years.

Key Takeaways:

• Healing isn't the same as coping, avoidance and distraction can look like healing on the surface without doing the actual work underneath.
• Reframe "trigger" as "activation," being activated doesn't mean you have to act on it, there's space in between to choose your response.
• A brief pause before reacting, even a few seconds, can change the direction of a difficult conversation.
• Journaling and walking (even without access to nature) are simple, repeatable practices that help build a healing mindset over time.
• Take a long-term view of healing instead of expecting quick results, comparing your pace to someone else's online tends to create anxiety rather than progress.
• Be kind to yourself when you slip back into old patterns, healing is built through small, repeated steps, not perfection.

Connect With the Guest:

Website: https://www.liveyourbestmarriage.com

Personal site: https://www.pesashayo.com

Books: 52 Prayers for My Marriage, Questions for Couples, Questions for Diverse Couples, and Live Your Best Marriage, available on Amazon

Episode Chapters:

[00:00] Cold open, the chapter versus the whole book (approx.)

[02:00] Meet Pesa Shayo, cross-cultural marriage and Live Your Best Marriage (approx.)

[06:00] The biggest misconception about a healing mindset (approx.)

[11:00] From trigger to activation, choosing your response (approx.)

[16:00] Why awareness and vulnerability feel so hard (approx.)

[21:00] Pausing, journaling, and walking as daily healing practices (approx.)

[27:00] Taking the long view to ease healing anxiety (approx.)

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