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01: Ingredients of Great Sex
Episode 129th August 2023 • Great Sex Podcast • Heather England
00:00:00 00:20:53

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Some people want to have great sex but they just don’t know how. And as a sex therapist, I frequently get asked how couples can improve their sex life. As such, it’s necessary to know that beyond communication and other factors, lies a journey of self-discovery and mutual exploration.

If you want to learn more about great sex or if you wish to add spark in your sex life and achieve great sex experience with your partner, this episode is for you.

What do we mean by great sex?

When we talk about great sex, we are referring to great sex in a committed relationship, not just the fleeting encounter of a one-night stand. It is through the intimacy of great sex in a relationship that couples or partners get to build a deeper connection with each other, that is not just constrained to their physical bond.

Each touch serves as a confirmation of fondness and every tender kiss an expression of deeper affection. This bond ignites pleasure and embodies an unspoken promise of mutual care, trust and respect.

We also have to note that sex is not like those movie scenes that mislead us into believing that all sex is magical. In reality, sex can sometimes just be average or sometimes, a dud due to reasons like erectile dysfunction, difficulty in having orgasms, issues with sexual arousal, and lack of emotional connection and erotic intimacy.

What are the ingredients for great sex?

One of the biggest ingredients for great sex is being attracted to your partner. When you’re in love with your partner, it makes you desire them in a romantic and intimate way because that’s a way of expressing love. 

Sex with your partner is something that is special. I want couples to start considering sex as an avenue to explore and have fun freely rather than thinking of it as a chore that needs to be done. 

The foundation for great sex is a foundation of strong love that is built on trust and mutual respect. It’s the love between you two that keeps you interested in having sex. For women, what gets them interested in having sex with their partners is that feeling of being closely connected to their partner. For men, on the other hand, they often feel loved through the act and experience of sex with their partner.

Trust is an equally important ingredient in having great sex, as the foundation of strong love is built on trust and mutual respect. When you trust your partner, you know that you are fully safe and accepted for who you are. Being in a safe space lets you express yourself more freely, further allowing you to explore more of your sexuality. 

Communication is key to having healthy relationships. 

Being able to talk to your partner about sex significantly affects your sex life, as you’re able to discuss your sexual preferences and interests, as well as your dislikes. 

Another ingredient for great sex is your mindset. This holds true as the brain is referred to as the biggest sex organ. It’s your mindset about sex that can either make or break your sexual experiences. The thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes you hold towards sex wield a profound influence on your intimate experiences and interactions.

The level of comfort that you have with your body also affects your sex life. We are our own harshest judges on how we look and how others perceive us. But often times, it seems that this issue matters more to us than it does to them. We have to instill in our minds the importance of self-confidence. It is what makes us attractive to other people and what makes us love ourselves better. 

Knowing yourself sexually is essential for you to be able to enjoy your sex life. Otherwise, if you don’t know what you want, how you want to be touched, or what feels good for you, then you’re less likely to have great sex. You have to know what you want and what you need, in order to communicate your desires with your partner. 

Be open to exploring more to spice up your sex life.

While routine can offer a sense of security in your relationship, being open to exploring more during sex can inject a sense of excitement and unpredictability into your sexual dynamics. This is about delving into your own desires and understanding what truly arouses you.

Exploring more is a conscious commitment to establishing and nurturing a fulfilling sex life. However, in order to be comfortable in exploration, there must be a good foundation of mutual trust, love and respect. It's also important to establish clear boundaries and to always prioritize consent. 

Setting up the right context for sex.

Having sex in the right time, place and head space will make your sexual experiences better. Context is more than just the environment, but it also covers how you’re feeling about yourself and your partner. 

These factors are significant because it dictates your energy levels, stress levels, and overall readiness for intimacy. The intersection of timing, setting, and head space amplifies the pleasures of physical connection, enriching the experience on both an emotional and physical level.

Evaluate the aspects of your sex life and identify which ones you have to strengthen to improve your sex life. Your active involvement, combined with your partner's, fosters an environment of shared growth and intimacy. Remember that you’re in control of all these ingredients of great sex.


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