Let’s talk about love! In this episode, I speak with Christine Hassler, a master coach and spiritual psychologist who is also my personal go-to for self-development. Both Christine and I are proof that wonderful partners can be manifested when you do the work. Christine has a beautiful way of weaving together different healing modalities with psychology that offers a unique and effective way to help people find love!

Romantic love is an essential part of health and wellness. Christine emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, inner child work, and understanding past experiences to attract meaningful relationships. She offers a super simple yet actionable tip for integrating your inner child. We discuss how getting crystal clear on your desires for a partner is crucial, how to more deeply surrender, and the role of self-love in attracting the right partner. Christine reminds us that, as women, receptivity is our superpower. If you’re ready to receive your soulmate, don’t miss her upcoming offering, Love Magnet!

Want FREE access to my brand new four-week strength training plan, Strength Without Stress? Head over to hollyperkins.com/review where you can upload a screenshot of your review and gain immediate access. This is a limited-time offer before it sells for $197, so be sure to grab it now!

Topics covered

• How Christine found self-development
• The importance of working with your inner child
• Ways the inner child may show up
• Tapping into self-love makes all the difference
• The Queendom Program Christine created to attract her partner
• What real surrender looks like
• How to become a love magnet

Resources Mentioned

• Sign up for Christine’s free Love Magnet workshop being held virtually on February 11, 12, 13
• Transcripts can be found on the official blog page for this episode at hollyperkins.com/blog

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Disclaimer: Content and information as part of The Holly Perkins Health Podcast is for general interest, education, and entertainment purposes only. The use of information on this podcast or materials or products linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Holly Perkins [0:00]

If you're single and motivated to manifest your perfect guy, this one is for you. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain to share how I met the love of my life and the tools that helped me along the way. You've been asking, and I am ready to share. I'm thrilled to interview the incredible Christine Hassler as she shares invaluable tools—some of which I personally used to call in my husband. If you've been looking for love in all the wrong places and want to get it right and become a love magnet, keep listening.

Hello and welcome! I am so glad that you're here. If you're a new listener, welcome. I'm Holly Perkins, and I help women over 40 use strength training and strategic nutrition to create the muscle and the bones you need to stay in the game of life and out of the rocking chair as you get older.

If you spend any time learning about self-development, you may know that romantic love is often a reflection of self-love. Often, you'll find romantic love only after you've cleaned up some of the other aspects of your life. This was so true for me, and in this sense, I believe romantic love is a piece of the puzzle to your optimal health.

Someone I learned a lot from is Christine Hassler. Christine and I have been friends for more than 10 years. We go way back—back to a time when we were both single and looking for love in all the wrong places. Since then, both Christine and I have been able to manifest our dream guys and create the partnerships we always wanted.

I thought it would be fun and different to share Christine's wisdom with you today, especially if you can relate and are wanting to find your guy. In this episode, you'll learn:

How your inner child influences your love life and your health,

How to cultivate self-compassion so that you can find big love,

What to do if you feel anxious about dating,

The ways we seek out relationships that mirror our family dynamics, and

How to address criticism and control so you can step into your feminine energy.

Christine Hassler is a master coach, spiritual psychologist, facilitator, and speaker with 20 years of experience. She is the bestselling author of three books, most recently Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself from Your Past, Change Your Present, and Get What You Really Want. She’s also the host of the top-rated podcast Over It and On With It, where she coaches people live on the show. Christine is known globally for her ability to identify what’s holding someone back and for compassionately guiding them to clarity. Let me tell you—she’s a master at this.

She also works with companies and organizations to increase productivity and decrease the stress of their employees. Christine and I share a master’s degree in spiritual psychology from the University of Santa Monica. She incorporates elements of NLP, psychology, spirituality, science, and her own diverse life experiences into her work. Christine believes that once we get out of our own way, we can show up to make the meaningful impact we are here to make.

I know you're going to love this conversation, so let’s get into it.

Holly Perkins [5:20]

Christine, I am so excited to have you on the show today. This is such a full-circle moment for me. Just to share with our listeners for a moment—Christine and I go way back, 10 to 15 years, back to Los Angeles, back to when we were both navigating finding our partner in life and dating and such.

It’s really just an incredible full-circle moment to have this conversation with her today because we share so many things, and it’s so relevant to my community. People in my community who know me know my story over the past couple of years. I’m just really excited to talk about how this relates to health and wellness and also about cultivating yourself so you can truly live the life you love.

If that involves finding your partner, this conversation is absolutely for you. Christine, welcome!

Christine Hassler [5:57]

Oh, I’m so happy and honored to be here. Thank you for having me on and interviewing me, and for doing something a little outside the norm for the show. I feel really grateful.

Holly Perkins [6:07]

Yeah, as I said, I think this episode is so relevant, partially because of my journey and my history, and really because I feel like I've hit my stride here in my early 50s. My life, honestly, in many ways, is what I always dreamed of. And as some listeners know, I have a pretty wild love story. When I manifested my husband, Dave, it was truly nothing short of a miracle, and I know it’s in part because of the things I’ve learned from you, Christine, over the years.

To my listeners, Christine is one of my go-to—let’s call it—gurus, or voices I turn to when it comes to personal development and the other half of my life that’s not related to nutrition and fitness. It was through my journey of really struggling with my health and getting clear on what needed to happen there that I was able to arrive at the place I needed to be to cultivate this partner—this incredible human who is now in my life.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that over the past two years or so, my life has gotten so much better. Number one, I got my health in check. And number two, I found my person. He has enriched my life so much.

Some of that, Christine, is because of what I’ve learned from you over the years. So, I know that what you teach has been so influential to me, and I know listeners today are going to love this conversation. Thank you so much. Tell my listeners a little more about what you do, who you teach, and some of the basic concepts to get us started.

Christine Hassler [7:59]

Well, I’ve been doing this, in some way or another, professionally for 20 years, but I saw my first therapist when I was 11. So, I’ve been in the world of personal development and psychology since I was a child. My mom’s a therapist, so I’ve always been interested in humans, the psyche, and how people work.

When I was 11, I was actually put on Prozac. I had this huge story about being depressed and thought I had a chemical imbalance. I was on antidepressants until my late 20s, and it took me about two years to get off them. Around age 30, I did. I’d always been health-minded, but in my 20s, I found coaching and personal development, which felt a little different from traditional therapy. I started to challenge the belief that I had a chemical imbalance and began shifting things through diet, exercise, and most of all, personal and spiritual development.

I was able to get off medication, and I haven’t looked back. I do want to say that this isn’t an anti-medication stance at all—I absolutely believe it has its place. But for me, it was a huge part of my journey in realizing how much power I had over my health, especially my mental health. I also realized how much my past had been affecting me, and once I dealt with those things, my brain changed.

That’s one of the biggest reasons I’m so passionate about this work—I have a completely different identity than I did in my teens and 20s. Back in my 20s, I went through a lot of stuff: the whole quarter-life crisis, a broken engagement, a failed career, debt problems, estrangement from my family, and a lot of drama. I really had to look at myself and ask, “What’s the common denominator in all of this?” The answer was me.

Those experiences made me so passionate and curious about personal development and about how our childhood, our past, and our beliefs affect everything in our lives—from how we think and act to how our bodies respond, even in terms of diseases, ailments, and diagnoses.

My practice is a blend of life coaching—things like mindset and belief work—spiritual psychology, developmental psychology, inner child work, and nervous system healing. The nervous system is a huge part of how our subconscious is wired.

As for who I help, when I first started, it was people in their 20s. But 20 years later, it’s really anyone. I help people who’ve tried a lot of things but still feel stuck and are searching for the core issue at the root of their challenges.

We all have a couple of core issues that drive many of the challenges in our lives. When we can heal those core issues, everything opens up. We can start attracting things that align with our present and future values instead of repeating patterns from our past.

For many of us, we’ve been in relationships, careers, or situations that were really just learning opportunities—things that challenged us but didn’t align with who we are now or where we want to go. Our past is important, but not in a way that we need to dwell on it endlessly in therapy. It’s important to have compassion for our past, to hold it sacred, and to do the inner work—whether that’s developmental psychology, inner child work, or nervous system rewiring.

Otherwise, we end up as adults with a wounded inner child still running the show. For instance, a 45-year-old could have an 8-year-old inside who’s still upset about something and keeps attracting things that aren’t aligned with what they truly want.

I love that. Let’s touch on that inner child concept a little more because it’s so important, yet not many people outside of the personal development space are talking about it. In my community, it’s such an important concept that informs how we live. And, by the way, it’s also incredibly relevant to our health, fitness, and lifestyle habits.

Let’s dive into the inner child. When you say we don’t want to be a 45-year-old living with an 8-year-old, explain that a little more.

Recently, I coached someone on my podcast who was in her late 30s or early 40s. She was having issues at work, feeling like she wasn’t being consulted on decisions despite being in a leadership position. She wasn’t being heard in meetings, and when she did speak up, it wasn’t taken seriously. She was feeling frustrated, and this frustration was spilling over into her relationship, impacting her confidence.

That's so insightful, and it makes so much sense. Food is often so deeply tied to emotions and our past experiences. And when you frame it that way, it’s not about denying yourself or saying no because you're "bad" for wanting it—it's about exploring what that craving is really signaling. Like, what need is going unmet, and how can you address it in a way that’s more aligned with what you truly want for yourself?

So let’s talk about the actual practice of this. For someone who’s just starting out, how does she even begin to recognize these patterns, whether it's with food, relationships, or self-care? How can she start identifying what she’s really craving or needing in those moments where she feels pulled toward something that might not be in her best interest?

That’s such an important question. And the first step, always, is self-awareness. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. It’s about being willing to pause. Let’s say you’re standing in front of the pantry or you’re in the middle of texting someone you know you probably shouldn’t be texting—whatever the behavior is, just pause for a moment. That pause is everything.

In that pause, take a breath, and ask yourself a few simple questions:

What am I feeling right now?

What am I really needing or wanting?

Is this behavior going to give me what I need, or is it just a quick fix?

And, again, it comes back to compassion. If the answer is, “Yeah, I just want to feel comfort,” you can acknowledge that. You can say, “Of course, I want to feel comfort. That makes total sense.” The act of pausing and questioning allows you to get out of autopilot mode. It gives you the opportunity to make a conscious choice rather than reacting from a triggered place.

I love that so much because it’s about being curious rather than critical. That shift from judgment to curiosity opens up so much space for self-compassion. Instead of, “Why can’t I stick to this?” it becomes, “What’s going on with me right now?”

Exactly! And when you approach it from a place of curiosity, you learn so much more about yourself. Over time, that practice of asking yourself those questions builds trust within yourself. And trust is a huge part of self-love. You start to feel like, “I’ve got me. I can count on myself.” That’s a really powerful place to be.

It really is. And as you build that trust and self-awareness, you’re also rewiring your brain, right? You’re creating a new habit of checking in with yourself instead of just acting out of old patterns or impulses.

Absolutely. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And here’s the thing: self-love doesn’t have to be this grand, overwhelming thing. It’s in those small moments of choosing to pause, choosing to be kind to yourself, and choosing to listen to what you really need. That’s where the transformation happens.

This has been such a powerful conversation. I know so many women are going to take so much away from this. Thank you so much, Christine, for sharing your wisdom and insight.

Thank you, Holly. It’s been a pleasure. And to anyone listening, just remember: you are so much more capable of self-love and compassion than you might think. It’s just about taking it one step at a time.

Yes! One small step at a time. Thank you again, Christine.

You’re welcome.

So I was introduced to him, and then three months later, we met in Europe. We literally moved in together that day. Three months after that, we were married, and now we’ve been together almost seven years, married for six, and have a nearly three-year-old.

What’s so interesting—and this is part of what we’re going to teach in Love Magnet—is that there’s a process of surrender we focus on, which is much different from how you probably think about surrender or how you’ve been taught it before. A lot of women say they’re surrendering, but they’re not. As we discussed, women are exceptional at two things: criticism and control. This isn’t about bashing my fellow sisters—I think we can all admit, “Yes, I do that.”

We also have incredible, amazing qualities, but because of our hypervigilance, trauma, nervous systems, and the way it is to be a woman in the world, criticism and control are big. It’s not just a female thing, but women tend to excel at it.

What was interesting about Stef is that there was a big item on my list that I ultimately let go of during my “Be the Queen” process. We support women in doing this because there’s a reason behind it, and it’s part of the whole process. This wasn’t something trivial, like “he doesn’t like Coldplay.” This was about money—a huge deal for me. It wasn’t just a preference; it was a real value and a big issue.

When I met Stef that summer and discovered this about him, I almost backed away. It was such a process of surrender. I had to learn to listen to my body, not my mind. I had to discern red flags from green flags, and even orange or yellow flags from green ones. I had to choose how I wanted to feel in a relationship versus what my mind thought I needed or wanted.

It’s been an incredible journey, and the issue I was concerned about when we met is no longer an issue in any way, shape, or form. Really stepping into my feminine energy and embracing being a muse, rather than trying to control or change a man, shifted the entire dynamic in our relationship.

I share this because I want women to pay attention to red flags—especially the ones your body notices. Sometimes your body will say no, or something will feel off. Other times, your body might be saying yes—you’re really attracted to them, the intimacy is great—but when you don’t hear from them for a couple of days, or you feel nervous when they don’t text, or something just feels off, you have to pay attention to that.

That was huge for me. So, yes, pay attention to those red flags, especially the ones you feel in your body. But also be open to it looking different than you imagined.

Ooh, yes. And this is a great opportunity for a little humor, but it’s so on point. What you just shared was my exact experience, so I can totally relate.

Very similarly, once I got clear on what I wanted in my life and who I needed to be for that person, I had my list of non-negotiables, as well as qualities I wanted in my partner. I went through a full-on manifestation process to create an image and idea of who this person would be.

So I had my list—an actual physical list—of qualities and attributes my perfect person would have. When I met Dave, it’s so funny because out of the 30 things on my checklist, he was a strong green checkmark on every single one of them—every single one except for one.

And the one thing is quite comical, which I’ll reveal in a moment. But he checked off all the big, strong, definite qualities on my list. I kept thinking, “How is it possible that this one thing, which is a big deal, is a red X? What are we going to do about this?” How could it feel so right in so many ways but miss this?

It wasn’t something small, like a preference. This was a major value for me and a real issue. But my body kept saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” In so many ways, I could see he was my perfect person. I was his perfect person. There was so much magic, and it felt like such a gift that I thought, “There’s no way this would be delivered to me if it wasn’t perfection.”

So I said, “You know what? Let’s move forward.”

That thing on the list? I was looking for someone who was a peaceful and silent sleeper—and he was not.

This is a real problem for me! Sleep is a major value, right? No surprise. But he had terrible, really bad sleep apnea.

The first night we spent together, I stayed up the whole night in sheer terror because I thought, “This guy’s going to kill himself with this sleep apnea!” It wasn’t just snoring; it was full-on apnea, which is a serious health risk.

I told myself, “We’re going to take this day by day.” And, being the amazing human Dave is, the conversation came up naturally within the first week or two. He already knew he snored, but I told him, “Listen, as your now de facto health coach, I’m going to tell you this isn’t snoring. This is sleep apnea, it’s a real problem, and we need to fix it.”

And he said, “Tell me what to do.”

That’s when I knew he was my guy. He said, “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

I made him stop eating cold boxed cereal before bed, which he loved eating every night. I had him cut out dairy and got him exercising more consistently. And I’m not kidding—within about a month, his snoring was 100% gone.

Doing what I do as a coach, I was able to guide him toward being healthier. He now sleeps like a peaceful little angel, and we laugh about it all the time.

It’s such a relevant example, Christine. That red mark—what seemed like a dealbreaker—wasn’t really an issue. It was something we were able to work through. That’s when I knew he was my guy. It’s also a funny story!

I totally agree with you. It’s about listening to your body when it’s saying yes versus when it’s signaling a true non-negotiable. All of this ties back to self-love and self-respect so that you can find your perfect match.

Exactly—your perfect match, not a perfect person. Everyone comes with their stuff; there’s no getting around it.

People look at my husband and think, “Oh, he’s attractive and does personal growth work.” But there are challenges with that too! No one is perfect, and we’re completely open and honest about that.

The key is that both of us are committed to the relationship. At the end of the day, we choose the relationship over our own defensiveness or need to be right.

You don’t have to attract someone who’s in the personal growth field like my husband is. Your person could work at a bank. The point is their willingness.

That’s the kind of side-by-side partnership we teach you how to draw in. And I really want to emphasize draw in because a lot of women, especially high-achieving women, think they have to go out and find the person.

But even in your case, Holly, you didn’t have to. He showed up.

He literally showed up. And we want to help women get back into that superpower of receptivity. I mean, basic anatomy, ladies—we are the receivers. It’s about really being able to receive love, both in drawing in your man and in letting the love in.

Because that’s another thing. A lot of times, you’ll draw in someone who’s actually so healthy it scares you, and then you’ll push that away. So it’s all about being that love magnet, so you can draw love to you and put down the searching, the finding, the seeking, and the swiping.

I love that. I think one of the things that was a real shift for me was reading somewhere—it might even have been something of yours—and it clicked.

It was, I’m not finding my person. He’s already out there. My person is already out there. It was about bringing him to me—or me to him—and being the person he needed as well, right? So that we were magnetized to each other.

Exactly. He’s already on the planet. He’s not like an embryo somewhere.

And so, it’s about being magnetic—not through any strategy or some specific thing you have to say, or a certain way you need to walk, or a set number of mantras you need to do. It’s not about any of that. It’s actually way simpler.

Let’s talk about this concept of being the Queen and the idea of searching for or calling in your King. It brings up a broader conversation about societal expectations and pressures regarding the roles we play, femininity, and relationships. Talk to us a little bit about that and how it applies here.

One of the things that was a huge eye-opener for me was hearing people tell me, “You’re too in your masculine. You’re too alpha. You’re never going to find someone.”

And I never felt masculine. I thought, “Just because I’m successful and I do a lot, why does that make me masculine?” This is another thing we’ll break down in Love Magnet—a lot of misconceptions around femininity and what it actually means.

I think we have a very surface-level understanding of what being in your feminine means. We might think it means being in flow, letting the man lead, allowing things to come to you, being creative, nurturing, or domestic.

Yes, those are parts of it. But being in our feminine also means being empowered. It means being the creator and the destroyer, being discerning about what we allow into our lives. It’s about saying yes or no—no maybes—and tapping into our intuition and body sensations.

Women are so gifted with this ability to connect to intuition, to know, to sense. That level of discernment and knowing is incredibly powerful. It’s about empowerment, not power over people.

When we can step into that version of femininity, it’s about being empowered to say, “Here are my desires, but I don’t need anyone.” It’s saying, “I desire this, and I long for this because I want to send out the energetic broadcast that I am open to this.”

We can’t be in the mindset of, “I’m independent, I don’t need a man. If one comes along, that’s great.” If that’s truly how you feel, fine. But if you genuinely want a relationship, that mindset won’t work because you’re not sending out the energy of, “I desire this.”

A Queen desires. She’s in her feminine quality of desire and longing, but it’s juicy—it’s not desperate. There’s no suffering, no judgment. It’s not, “My life would be so much better if I had this.”

There’s no panic or judgment, which so many women feel when they’re calling in their person. To me, that’s the feminine superpower—being receptive, being desirous, being discerning.

Calling in a King means drawing in someone grounded in his masculine. Someone who’s sure of himself and ready for commitment.

One thing my husband has always said, which I love and makes my nervous system feel so relaxed, is, “I find freedom in commitment.”

A lot of men don’t want to lose their freedom, but he said, “I find so much freedom in our commitment because I’m so free to be me.” There’s such a level of safety and acceptance that it feels freeing.

To me, that’s a healthy masculine, King-level perspective on freedom and commitment. It’s so different from the “guy, dude” mindset of “I need to sow my oats.” It’s a whole other level.

When we, as women, can be in an empowered feminine and when men are in an empowered masculine, we become magnets for each other. Then it’s, “Wow, now we get to be in this awesome side-by-side partnership.”

It’s also incredibly mature and conscious to have that kind of freedom in commitment.

Gosh, I dated for a lot of years, and there were so many immature men. Those behavior patterns are hallmark signs of immaturity.

Ultimately, as women, don’t we want a partner who’s truly mature, conscious, and developed within themselves? That’s the type of person a Queen would want as her counterpart.

Absolutely, absolutely. I love it.

You have a totally free three-day event called Love Magnet coming up, and it leads into your program, Be the Queen, which I think is so unique and relevant for people where this conversation applies. Who is this program for? Whether it’s Love Magnet or Be the Queen, who is the perfect woman for these events?

This program is for a woman who wants to call in a man.

It’s the only program I teach (with my husband) that’s targeted to a specific demographic because, from a place of integrity, this comes from my personal journey. I’m a heterosexual woman who called in a man. That’s the magic I know how to teach.

We wanted to create a like-minded, specific container for women in this demographic.

It’s for a woman calling in a man, and she can be at any stage—married but separated, newly single, or never in a relationship. It’s for any age, from anywhere in the world, because it’s taught virtually.

The free Love Magnet workshop runs February 11–13 and will be recorded if you can’t attend live. If you choose to join us for Be the Queen, it’s a three-month program starting in March with staggered calls for different time zones. There are bonuses like alumni coaching calls and a one-day retreat.

The program is for the woman who’s done a lot of work but hasn’t seen results. It’s designed to help you heal old patterns, clarify your desires, and transform your approach to love and relationships.

There’s so much love, support, healing, and safety in this container. For many women, having a safe space to work through past hurts, especially those involving men, is incredibly profound.

It’s huge.

I love what you said about some women walking away from this program saying, “I’m in love with me now, and that’s my perfect match.”

For a big part of my life, I didn’t think I wanted a relationship. But I still held onto the storyline that I should find a guy, get married, and start a family.

Programs like Love Magnet are incredible for getting to the root of the love conversation—whether that’s self-love or love with a partner.

I’m curious—do you talk about inner child work in these programs?

Yes, absolutely. Inner child, nervous system, embodiment, somatics, breathwork—all of it. It’s very multidimensional, but we do it in a way that won’t overwhelm you.

I love it. Registration is open for Love Magnet, right?

Yes, it’s open now. The live workshop is February 11–13, but it’s recorded if you can’t make it live.

If you decide to join us for Be the Queen, doors open in late February, and the program starts in March.

Thank you for sharing this conversation.

Thank you for having me!