The holiday season can feel particularly isolating when you're raising children alone. If you've been struggling with chronic loneliness or feeling disconnected during what's supposed to be a joyful time, this message is for you.
Drawing from personal experiences of abandonment and the emotional aftermath of divorce, I share insights from day three of my Courage to Believe 21-Day Devotional for Single Moms. This isn't just about seasonal sadness. It's about understanding how past wounds of abandonment can resurface and create patterns of isolation that keep us stuck.
Many of us carry deep-seated feelings from childhood abandonment, whether through death, divorce, or parents who simply weren't present. These experiences create emotional imprints that can manifest years later, especially during challenging seasons of single motherhood. The sting of divorce adds another layer, regardless of who initiated it, leaving us with feelings of failure and profound loneliness.
Breaking Free from Chronic Isolation
There's a crucial difference between healthy solitude for self-care and the dangerous territory of chronic loneliness. When we start avoiding PTA meetings, steering clear of neighborhood connections, or keeping ourselves at arm's length from church groups—not because we're busy, but because we're protecting ourselves from judgment or further hurt—we've crossed into harmful isolation.
This self-imposed distance can extend even to our relationship with God, especially when we feel He's abandoned us too. But what if reconnecting could be as simple as asking, "How can I reconnect with you today, Lord?"
Practical Steps Toward Connection
Building meaningful connections doesn't require becoming overwhelmed or overcommitted. Whether through church groups, local community organizations, or even online communities, there are ways to create bonds that honor both our need for rest and our desire for authentic relationships.
What You'll Gain from This Message:
Recognition of how past abandonment affects present loneliness
Understanding the difference between healthy solitude and harmful isolation
Biblical perspective on God's promise never to leave us orphaned or comfortless
Practical approaches to rebuilding connections without overwhelming yourself
Encouragement that you are worthy of love, friendship, and community
The scripture foundation comes from John 14:18: "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." This promise reminds us that even when earthly relationships fail or disappoint, our Heavenly Father remains constant and present.
You deserve good friends, wise counsel, and a community that embraces and empowers you. This season of loneliness doesn't have to define your story—there's hope for connection, healing, and the courage to believe in your worth.
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Transcripts
J. Rosemarie Francis (:
Hi, so today I want to share with you day three of my Courage to Believe 21 Day Devotionals for Single Mom. It is the holidays and it can be a time, I know from experience, it can be a time of loneliness and feeling a little forlorn in this season. So I want to share this with you,
about loneliness and how to release the stigma of abandonment. So in this day three devotional, I talk about being left at nine months old with my grandfather, my maternal grandfather, and how he passed away when I was 12 years old. So he raised me alone My mother was in another country. I didn't know who my father was. So I was practically left alone on my own, but in my aunt's house. And so this kind of abandonment for me first, didn't know, didn't recognize abandonment, obviously, from my mom because I was nine months old. But I experienced this thing of abandonment. when my grandfather died, I felt alone. I was bullied a lot in school, so I felt really alone. And it took several years before I went to live with my mom. But in the meantime, this loss that I experienced from my grandfather's and from not having parents really sat in my psyche. And so I share this in day three, I said, this devotional, because I wanted to point out that a lot of what we're feeling now has a lot to do with our past. Now, the other feeling of abandonment comes also from divorce, because even whether or not we chose to be divorced, that sting of failure is still there and loneliness can set in, especially for the season, for seasons, know, Valentine, Mother's Day, Christmas, especially because the holidays are meant to be happy, a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ for many. And so it can be a very dismal time, a time that is supposed to be full of joy, can be a very dismal time for single moms who are raising their children alone and feeling isolated. So the scripture for this is John 14, 18. I'm gonna read it. I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." So imagine that your father, your heavenly father is explaining to you that he won't leave you. So though you feel alone, he's not gone anywhere. He's there with you. And I want to add that this leaving as orphan is also inter can also be interpreted as leaving you comfortless because it does say in other versions that I will not leave you comfortless. I won't leave you without comfort. other version say bereaved or fatherless. And so you see how loneliness can express itself from these experiences. The death of a spouse, the divorce. Abandonment of parents, even if it happened 30, 40, 50 years ago, unless healing takes place or even recognition takes place, then this feeling of melancholy can come on us when we least expect it sometimes. So I want to encourage you today that this feeling of abandonment and loneliness doesn't have to permeate your life. Okay. And I want to switch to the life application of this verse and this text and this devotional. So abandonment often leads to loneliness and it can worsen if we self isolate, right? Because This self isolation can come because we're ashamed or for different reasons. And sometimes it's necessary to isolate yourself for self care, to recalibrate your life, to rejuvenate and refresh. Sometimes it is necessary and there's a season for that. For everything, there is a season. But when this self isolation leads to chronic loneliness, that's when it can get dangerous. And I'm gonna say that this prolonged isolation can be harmful in the long term. So for example, consider if a parent decides to just stay away from PTA meetings, don't connect with the neighborhood association. Not because you're busy, but because you just don't want to you don't feel like it you you feel like maybe they'll judge you you may have church you may go to church, but you may keep away from Church groups because you know you don't want to get too close I've been there where I just want to isolate myself. I don't want anybody to Realize that I'm alone or you know the different things, right? So we might even distance ourselves from God, because we, for whatever reason, maybe it's guilt or maybe it's because you're mad at him, you know? So you may distance yourself from him because you feel he's left you, he has abandoned you, not just your earthly parent, but your heavenly parent has also abandoned you. But, I'm saying to you today, think about talking to God, something simple like, how can I reconnect with you, Lord, my father? How can I reconnect with you today? Just something that simple. And that will help you rediscover and sense his presence because he's just waiting. He's just waiting y'all to hear you say, I need you. So isolation can make loneliness after abandonment even harder, leaving you to care for your children alone in this world. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are many ways that you can learn to build connection and yet you don't have to be all up in everything because yes, you're busy and you need your rest. It's not only that you have a lot of things to do. but you also need your rest. But whether it's a church group or a local group or, you know, even if it's an online group, you know, when I remember when I got through the emotional trauma of divorce, I spent some time volunteering at church. I went to group meetings, you know, anything that sounded like it would Involve connecting with people. I did it at work. I joined group. I led groups. I involved myself because I Didn't like to be lonely. It wasn't it wasn't my choice to be alone. I didn't like to be lonely now there's a big difference between hating to be alone and Not wanting to be alone because you want to build connection. And so I encourage you to read the scripture and find out more about how Jesus wants to connect with you today. And if you can and you feel like it, the devotional will be published tomorrow. It's called Courage to Believe 21 Day Devotional for Single Moms and it will be available on Amazon. And there I just address the emotional trauma that we sometimes go through. and how scripture connects us to our loving father. And so I just wanted to talk to you today about being alone and loneliness given the time of year we're in. I appreciate you listening, watching, and I really had a cathartic moment.
writing this devotional as a divorced mom of three sons, I went through a lot of trauma and I found that writing helps me to relieve a lot of the tension that has been accumulating for decades. So I hope this brings you some encouragement and help you to have the courage to believe that you are worthy of friends, good friends, good counsel. You are worthy of being.
embrace and empowered to be loved and to love. And so I wanted to share this with you. I'm J. Rose Marie Francis. I really appreciate you. Thank you.
