Most of us were handed a script about what to want before we were old enough to know we had a body of our own. Alexandra Beller has spent decades in dance and somatic practice learning to read the signal underneath it. She describes the body as a metric you can consult, and what changes when you slow down enough to hear the difference between your own desire and the one you absorbed.
About the Guest:
Alexandra Beller is a choreographer, director and somatic educator based in Brooklyn. She danced with the Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Company and founded Alexandra Beller/Dances in 2002. She teaches at the Laban Institute for Movement Studies.
Key Takeaways:
- Your body signals constantly. The tight chest, the tingling skin, the weight in the stomach are information, not noise.
- Treat it like a toddler you're actually listening to. Answer along the way and you avoid the meltdown.
- Much of what we call desire is inherited. Beller's view is that many women are conditioned to read someone else's satisfaction as their own.
- The disconnection starts early and isn't sexual in origin. Children are praised for sitting still and overriding physical cues.
- She dislikes the word consent, because agreement isn't the bar. Enthusiastic wanting is.
- If you're not sure, that's a no. Not yet, not maybe.
- Slow down, unapologetically. Practise it in low-stakes moments first.
Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://www.alexandrabellerdances.org
Her writing, free movement classes and contact details are all housed there.
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome To Pleasure Principles — the conversations most people avoid
[01:24] The Body As Your Main Metric — how the awareness built slowly
[03:29] The Toddler In The Grocery Store — what happens when you keep saying "not now"
[06:08] Whose Pleasure Are We Measuring? — the crossed wires nobody names
[11:18] Outside Metrics From The Start — how we learn to stop consulting ourselves
[15:12] Why She Doesn't Like The Word Consent — agreement versus enthusiastic wanting
[18:02] Slow Down, Unapologetically — the practice, and where to start
(approx.)
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