Description: When doctors, engineers and tech experts are all panic-buying bunkers and learning subsistence farming, maybe it's time to put down the phone and pay attention. A savage takedown of how society's brightest minds are collectively losing their shit while the rest of us scroll through cat videos.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Maximum heat because we're watching Harvard's finest collectively shit themselves while color-coding their anxiety in spreadsheets. Not your typical bunker-bros—these are PhDs stockpiling heirloom seeds and learning to make penicillin from bread mold while their Tesla stock implodes. When the smartest people are panic-buying farmland faster than toilet paper in 2020, maybe the apocalypse has better credentials than we thought.