Shownotes
ADHD Coach Katherine Sanders - ADHD Coach Katherine Sanders AACG
In this episode, ADHD Coach Katherine explores the unique challenges and changes women with ADHD may face during pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenthood. She shares her personal journey, emphasizing the impact of hormonal changes on ADHD symptoms and mental health, such as increased sensitivity to estrogen and progesterone levels, which can affect mood and brain function. Katherine also addresses the inequalities in healthcare and maternity leave, particularly affecting women of color, and the additional strain these disparities place on mental health. Offering practical advice, she suggests strategies for managing ADHD symptoms postpartum, such as adapting household organization to suit ADHD needs. Importantly, Katherine encourages open communication about mental health, the benefits of structured routines, and the importance of self-care and exercise for new parents with ADHD. This episode aims to empower women with ADHD through their pregnancy and parenting journey by acknowledging the challenges they face and providing supportive strategies to navigate them.
00:00 Welcome to the ADHD Journey: Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Beyond
00:08 Understanding ADHD's Impact on Pregnancy and Childbirth
02:50 Navigating Hormonal Changes and Their Effects
06:47 Preparing for Birth: Mindfulness and Expectations
09:19 The Postpartum Experience: Challenges and Support
12:49 Breastfeeding, Sleep, and Adjusting to New Parenthood
16:26 Navigating Motherhood with Neurodivergence
16:55 Finding Your Tribe: ADHD-Friendly Support Groups
17:36 Embracing Change and Seeking Support
17:49 Therapeutic Activities and Art Therapy
18:50 The Joy and Amazement of Parenthood
19:33 Managing ADHD as a New Parent
22:40 Household Organization and ADHD Strategies
23:57 Flexible Parenting and Meeting Your Child's Needs
25:28 Self-Care and Wellbeing for ADHD Parents
29:34 Looking Ahead: Next Episode Teaser
Connect with Katherine here:
ADHD Babes - A peer led group for black women & non-binary people with ADHD - https://www.adhdbabes.com/
Post-Partum Support International - includes group for ADHD parents as well as Black, BIPOC, Hispanic and minority women in a large number of groups throughout the week - https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/
- ADDISS (www.addiss.co.uk)
- CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) (www.chadd.org)
- Attention Deficit Disorder Association (www.add.org)
- ADHD Australia (www.adhdaustralia.org.au)
- Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (www.caddac.ca)
- United Kingdom:
- ADDISS http://www.addiss.co.uk/
- ADHD Foundation https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/
Scotland
Scottish ADHD coalition - https://www.scottishadhdcoalition.org/
Ireland:
ADHD Ireland - https://adhdireland.ie/
United States:
CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) https://chadd.org/
ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) https://add.org/
Australia:
ADHD Support Australia https://www.adhdsupportaustralia.com.au/
ADHD Foundation Australia https://adhdfoundation.org.au/adhd
Canada:
CADDAC (Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada) https://caddac.ca/
New Zealand:
ADHD NZ https://www.adhd.org.nz/about-us.html
Europe:
ADHD Europe https://adhdeurope.eu/ - Offers resources and links to national organizations across Europe.
Hypnobabies (active birth and pregnancy self hypnosis) - https://www.hypnobabies.com/
La leche League - ‘take what is useful, leave the rest’ - https://llli.org/
Lactation Consultants - UK - https://lcgb.org/
Lactation Consultants - USA/Internatinoal - https://uslca.org/
Life Edit home organisers (Scotland) - https://life-edit.me/
Dr Kathleen Nadeau - ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life: Strategies that Work from a Professional Organizer and a Renowned ADD Clinician
- I apologise for not formatting these in my usual way - I'm just too sick to tidy up the research.
Uchida, M., Driscoll, H., DiSalvo, M., Rajalakshmim, A., Maiello, M., Spera, V., & Biederman, J. (2021). Assessing the Magnitude of Risk for ADHD in Offspring of Parents with ADHD: A Systematic Literature Review and Meta-Analysis. Journal of Attention Disorders, 25(13), 1943-1948. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054720950815
Cognitive functions of regularly cycling women may differ throughout the month, depending on sex hormone status; a possible explanation to conflicting results of studies of ADHD in females, Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, Vol. 8,2014- https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00191
Roberts, Bethan & Eisenlohr-Moul, Tory & Martel, Michelle. (2017). Reproductive Steroids and ADHD Symptoms Across the Menstrual Cycle. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 88. 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2017.11.015.
Hormonal Changes and Their Impact on ADHD Symptoms in Women
Mu E, Kulkarni J. Hormonal contraception and mood disorders. Aust Prescr. 2022 Jun;45(3):75-79. doi: 10.18773/austprescr.2022.025. Epub 2022 Jun 1. Erratum in: Aust Prescr. 2022 Aug;45(4):147. PMID: 35755988; PMCID: PMC9218393.
ADHD and Pregnancy
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Pregnancy: Prevalence, Treatment, and Implications for Mothers and Offspring by Erika F.H. Saunders, et al. in American Journal of Psychiatry.
Baker AS, Freeman MP. Management of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder During Pregnancy. Obstet Gynecol Clin North Am. 2018 Sep;45(3):495-509. doi: 10.1016/j.ogc.2018.04.010. PMID: 30092924.
Obstetric complications in mothers with ADHD ,Walsh Caroline J., Rosenberg Sofie L., Hale Elijah W., Frontiers in Reproductive Health, vol 4; 2022., https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frph.2022.1040824 , DOI=10.3389/frph.2022.1040824
Nichole L. Nidey, Allison M. Momany, Lane Strathearn, Knute D. Carter, George L. Wehby, Wei Bao, Guifeng Xu, Francesca A. Scheiber, Karen Tabb, Tanya E Froehlich, Kelli Ryckman, Association between perinatal depression and risk of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder among children: a retrospective cohort study, Annals of Epidemiology, 2021
Volume 63:1-6, ISSN 1047-2797, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annepidem.2021.06.005., (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1047279721001563)
ADHD, Parenting, and Family Life
Parenting Stress and ADHD: A Comparison of Mothers and Fathers by Mark A. Ellen and Patricia J. Links in Journal of Child and Family Studies.
The Impact of Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder on Parenting and Child Behavior" by Andrea Chronis-Tuscano, et al. in Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology.
Postpartum Depression and ADHD
Postpartum Depression in Women with ADHD: A Comparative Study by Maria A. Oquendo and Barbara L. Milner in Psychiatry Research.
The Intersection of ADHD and Postpartum Depression: Clinical Considerations by J. Russell Ramsay in ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders.
Strategies for Managing ADHD in the Context of Parenting
Efficacy of Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Attention and Executive Function in Adults with ADHD by Lidia Zylowska, et al. in Journal of Attention Disorders.
ADHD and Parenting: A Systematic Review of the Literature by Sarah E. Hall and Ellen L. Mickelson in Child: Care, Health and Development.
Transcripts
What's up my friend, it's ADHD.
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:Powerful possibilities.
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:I'm your friend and host ADHD.
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:Coach Katherine.
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:This week.
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:We're looking at the impact.
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:Pregnancy and childbirth
on women with ADHD.
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:And then we're going to
offer some supportive.
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:Practical ideas that you can take away.
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:I'm going to apologize again in
advance for my continued croaky throat.
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:It is.
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:Virus city.
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:It's not a great time to
be recording a podcast.
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:Let's be honest, but you know,
this is important stuff and
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:I want to share it with you.
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:I will edit as many of the
coughs and throat clearings
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:and squeaks as I possibly can.
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:Bear with me.
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:If some of them make it through
into the final recording.
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:And thank you again to everyone for
your support, especially over the
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:last couple of weeks, looking at the
impact of ADHD on women and girls.
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:After looking last week.
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:How ADHD may affect her path through
work and school and education.
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:I thought what's the next
big stage in your life.
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:And what I've noticed
with clients is that.
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:The stages we reach.
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:Tend to increase the challenges
on our executive functions and
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:we reach a point sooner or later.
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:Where we just can't do it.
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:When the executive
functions are so overloaded.
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:That we have a meltdown.
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:I found that pregnancy and childbirth.
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:Whereas the real crunch points for me,
education was tough and education was
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:not always fun, especially at university.
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:But the impact of
pregnancy and childbirth.
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:Was off the scale from my brain.
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:And if I had known then what I
know now, Things would have been
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:very different for the first few
years of my parenting journey.
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:I want to make sure you have that
information, or you can share
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:that information with other people
who are going to go through it.
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:And who have the chance.
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:To experience things differently.
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:Let's acknowledge there is an inequality
in childbirth specifically for women
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:of color who are much more likely to
experience medical problems during
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:pregnancy and after childbirth.
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:And also that there's an inequality
globally in terms of access
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:to health care and support.
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:That being said, there's another
inequality, which has the
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:difference in maternity leave or
parental leave after childbirth.
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:I know many of my friends in the states
have told me it's officially two weeks
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:postpartum, which frankly shocking.
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:How does that affect ADHD?
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:We will come to that folks.
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:but I just wanted to head up
at the start of the episode.
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:That we cannot have this conversation
without acknowledging that inequality and
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:the impact it has on maternal mortality.
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:One of the first things to
say is that pregnancy is not
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:a easy ride for 90% of women.
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:Whether that is the
change in your hormones.
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:You may normally not experience, much
of a difference in your monthly cycle.
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:You may, if you have ADHD,
Be somebody who experiences
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:significant changes in hormones.
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:Particularly PMDD.
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:And you might think, well,
pregnancy is going to be great.
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:I will not have that monthly cycle.
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:True.
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:but you might have
something else to deal with.
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:And that's because
estrogen and progesterone.
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:Reach new higher levels during pregnancy.
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:And they're not just important
for helping your body to grow
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:a baby, which let's face it.
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:It's amazing.
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:They're really important
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:in your brain function
and your mood regulation.
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:Often, if you have ADHD.
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:A higher level of estrogen
would mean that you've got more
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:dopamine, a more serotonin.
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:It's one of the reasons why
most of my clients are women
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:in perimenopause and menopause
because the estrogen is going away.
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:It's taking the dopamine and serotonin
and they're leaving the party.
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:And we're just being left with
all the cans and the crisp bags
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:and things to pick up at the end.
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:It's not fun.
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:But during pregnancy, your estrogen
level becomes very, very high.
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:So you will have more
dopamine and more serotonin.
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:Regularly for those nine months.
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:The problem is that progesterone can
be very difficult for some of us.
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:And although it's meant to keep you calm
and it can improve things like sleep.
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:For some people, it can also create a
low mood and depression during pregnancy
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:is more common in the ADHD population.
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:in the neuro divergent population.
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:and, one of the things I found
during pregnancy was not only did
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:I have daily migraines with auras.
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:Not only did I have a daily
nosebleed after about four months?
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:But I also found that my mood was very
fragile and it was incredibly stressful.
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:Bebe was fine.
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:Relationship is fine.
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:Everything was great.
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:But my mood really took a beating.
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:so don't worry that something is wrong.
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:If your mood is going up
and down during pregnancy.
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:That is normal.
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:but bear in mind with ADHD brains
we might be more sensitive to the
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:fluctuation in hormones during pregnancy.
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:Also.
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:As pregnancy progresses.
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:Sleeping becomes more difficult
physically, mentally you're
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:anticipating the birth.
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:Lots of people worry about the birth and.
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:Physically it's harder
to sleep right you're
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:you may be too hot.
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:You may be too cold.
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:It's hard to get comfortable your joints
are all nice and loose, which is perfect
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:for delivering a baby through your pelvis.
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:But it does mean that your back and
your hips can become very painful.
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:To physical pain can stop you sleeping.
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:And as we know.
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:Sleep, affects, ADHD, significantly.
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:The other thing we don't
talk about so much.
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:Is the impact to an
emotional dysregulation?
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:ADHD executive functions.
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:One of them is emotional regulation.
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:If we're pregnant.
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:That is going to be much harder,
not just because of the physical
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:difference in our brain.
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:But now the hormones are coming into play.
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:So it's more common to experience
mood swings, anxiety, to feel weepy.
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:And even experience episodes of
depression, as I mentioned before.
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:And if you are feeling depressed
during pregnancy, Don't worry that
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:you have to keep it to yourself.
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:Please tell your doctor your midwife.
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:If you've got one and let them
know that this is affecting you.
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:Because it does put you at more
risk for depression after the birth.
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:Assuming that you are supported in
a loving family or relationship.
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:Let them know that you are
experiencing a little bit.
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:Don't keep it to yourself, whether
you're pregnant or afterwards.
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:So think about.
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:The positives and the negatives of
pregnancy for people with ADHD, for women.
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:The most important one is that.
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:We can experience more clarity
with extra estrogen and our brains.
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:It could be something you've
waited for for a long time.
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:It could be a time of great hope.
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:Great possibility.
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:So use pregnancy as a time to
practice giving yourself compassion.
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:Giving yourself permission to create new
possible ideas and stories and routines.
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:And if you can try to start a
mindfulness practice that works for you.
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:I've said before.
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:I do think that being in the present.
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:Is incredibly powerful and very useful.
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:Especially during pregnancy when we
quite often run ahead and think of all
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:the things that are going to go wrong.
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:how bad things are going to be.
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:Practice being in the present.
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:And not . Having any expectation
about the past or and future?
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:And when you're pregnant,
especially for the first time.
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:And you spent a lot of time
thinking about the birth.
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:If you've had a negative
experience of birth.
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:You may be very anxious about that.
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:This is your second or third child.
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:So it's normal to be preoccupied with the
idea of what happens when you give birth.
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:I can only speak to my
personal experience in this.
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:I used a program called hypno
babies, which I will include
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:a link to in the show notes.
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:And I don't know if it was just my type
of brain or the fact that I practiced it.
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:Diligently because I was so determined to.
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:Do well.
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:, having a textbook birth.
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:But I practice every day.
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:And I had exactly the birth that I
wanted with an extra intervention
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:at the end, which isn't a big deal.
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:I had a 12 hour labour
with no painkillers.
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:I didn't need any.
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:It was incredibly powerful individually.
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:Empowering.
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:And.
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:My baby was healthy.
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:So for me, hypno babies
made pregnancy manageable.
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:But it also made childbirth
something that I wasn't scared about.
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:Because I understood the
physiological process so much better.
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:So obviously within the context
of your personal experience and.
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:Of and always keeping
safety of parent and BB.
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:Mother and child at the top of
our list of what's important.
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:You could experiment and think about
what would a good birth be like for me?
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:So let's not worry about
births more than we have to.
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:Instead let's think about what
happens after birth, because after
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:birth is when the real fun begins.
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:Now if your birth has gone well, and
you were back at home and you're safe.
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:And it's still going to be
completely different because now,
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:your entire day is focused on this.
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:Tiny helpless human being.
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:Who has only one way of
communicating with you.
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:And that is quite loud..
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:On top of that.
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:There will be many women
who have experienced.
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:Complications.
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:in birth.
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:And they may be recovering
from serious surgery.
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:or they may have stitches,
which are uncomfortable.
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:So we have the physical impact of birth.
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:As well as the emotional, one of being
responsible for this tiny, tiny human.
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:Then, add in the massive drop
in estrogen and progesterone.
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:Which is frankly, a bit shocking.
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:And it is very, very normal.
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:For you to feel completely overwhelmed,
exhausted, tired, weepy, what
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:they used to call the baby blues.
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:And there's a difference between
that, which is the product of
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:a drop in our hormone levels.
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:And postnatal or postpartum depression.
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:And.
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:It's really important that you
have a few people around you.
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:Who knew you well from before pregnancy?
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:Who you trust and who have got your back.
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:When you're going through this
first couple of weeks as those
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:hormone levels, even out.
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:. Bearing in mind, what we suspect,
which is the sensitivity of the
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:ADHD or neurodivergent brain
to changing hormone levels.
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:On the plus side.
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:We have a massive surge
in oxytocin, which is a.
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:Wonderful warm bonding, chemical.
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:And it can help us to
regulate our emotions.
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:And some people are more
sensitive to them than others.
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:So you may feel that the oxytocin is kind
of balancing things are a little bit.
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:It's not all negative, obviously.
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:And hey, you've got this incredible
human being, who you are going to
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:know for the rest of their knives.
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:But bearing in mind.
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:That research shows women with
ADHD are 40% more likely to
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:experience postpartum depression.
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:You need to keep an eye
out for those symptoms.
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:and have a plan in place.
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:First of all, you can
monitor your own mood.
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:And I think it would be really, really
strange if we didn't experience a
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:massive shift in how we feel given
that we've suddenly become parents.
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:And we may have fairly difficult
or mixed ideas about what that
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:means, what that means for our work
for our family, for our love life.
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:For a future.
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:So anticipate that your mood
is going to be variable.
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:But also keep in mind that there has
to bea level at which you get support.
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:If you go down and you stay down.
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:And if your ADHD.
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:Becomes almost unbearable and let's face.
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:It would because you've now got
less estrogen and a huge, huge
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:demand on your executive functions.
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:You may need.
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:To start your medication earlier.
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:You might want to switch to a
non-stimulant type of medication,
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:especially if you're breastfeeding.
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:Because.
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:It's more important that your baby has
a healthy, happy functioning parent.
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:Than you struggling.
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:And becoming depressed with breastfeeding.
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:Now I know having done a lot of research
because it's me that breastfeeding is
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:the most miraculous thing for babies.
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:I also know from personal bitter
experience, how difficult it can be.
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:I persisted probably way
beyond what I should have done
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:but it did work in the end.
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:I went to the LA Leche league.
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:I had a lot of support from
my partner, from my family.
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:But it was hard going.
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:I think with hindsight.
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:I might have chosen something different.
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:If I had known.
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:What the impact would be on me not being
able to sleep, not being able to feed.
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:The problems that it caused for all of us.
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:But that's my personal choice.
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:And nobody else has a right to
tell you how to feed your baby.
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:Yes, breastfeeding is incredible.
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:But if it's hard, And you have
had support And you've had
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:lactation consultant support.
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:And it's still difficult.
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:Please focus on being the most.
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:Cared for most happy, most fulfilled.
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:Person.
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:You can be because that's
what your baby needs.
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:They don't need a doormat.
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:They don't need somebody who's
so exhausted and worn out.
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:And who's miserable about who their
body is or is not performing because
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:we know with ADHD, we ruminate?
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:We are.
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:Olympian champions.
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:Of rumination.
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:And I can tell you that.
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:That path is not one.
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:You want to go down.
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:And of course we need to talk
about sleep after childbirth
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:sleep is going to be affected.
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:There are some people who can sleep.
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:While their partner
takes care of the baby.
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:And that is of course easier.
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:If they're able to feed.
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:And if you're expressing your milk.
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:They can do it with that.
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:Or you can offer up a feed.
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:You can combine them.
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:But.
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:One of the reasons babies don't
sleep so much with their moms is
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:because they can smell the food.
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:So if you have somebody
who can help at nighttime.
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:It's worth it.
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:I'll be honest.
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:If I had unlimited wealth, I
would employ a night nanny.
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:Because I know that if I
don't get enough sleep.
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:Oh, my goodness.
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:And over time.
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:That really affects your brain,
your mood, your cognition, your
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:focus, because you have ADHD.
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:Bear in mind.
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:When I experienced pregnancy
and childbirth, I did not know
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:why it was so difficult for me.
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:now, With all my training.
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:Information.
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:Well, Oh, goodness, of course
you were going to find it.
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:Really challenging.
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:And I would say.
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:I would do it again in a heartbeat.
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:Because the human who emerged
from that pregnancy and who
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:have the joy of living with.
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:Made it all worthwhile.
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:Even when I'm up at three in the
morning, cause she's vomiting..
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:But think about how sleep is going to
affect your ADHD as well as your mood.
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:And ADHD and mood cannot
be separated at this point.
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:Can you share duties with your partner?
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:Can you get somebody in to help overnight
somebody that you trust from your family?
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:Somebody who's going to stay awake, or do
you want to try and sleep during the day?
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:When the baby sleeps.
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:There is the theory that you can do that.
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:It didn't work for me, but if
you can, that's another option.
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:Think about how you're going to bulk
up your sleep as much as you can.
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:One of the ways you can think about.
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:Making this passageway from
one type of life to another is
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:to build a network of support.
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:I found.
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:Typical mother and baby
groups very difficult.
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:Because I don't really do small talk.
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:Or if I do it's in a way that
neuro-typical people find a bit confusing.
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:And when I have met other
mothers that I get on with.
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:Turns out.
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:They're also neurodivergent.
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:If you're finding.
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:These kind of mum and baby groups
or pregnancy groups difficult
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:don't feel bad about it.
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:It's just a.
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:Being pregnant on its own or
being a parent on your own.
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:Isn't always enough for us
to be able to fit comfortably
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:socially into these networks.
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:Thankfully, no.
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:16, 17 years later.
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:There are more ADHD, friendly or
neuro- divergent, friendly groups.
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:If not online.
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:Then maybe in your local area.
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:And I will, of course include links
to any of them that I can find below.
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:If you run one of these groups
or you would like to set up one
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:of these groups, let me know.
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:I would be delighted to help
with doing that for you.
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:And remember this is new.
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:And although we tend to think people
with ADHD get bored very quickly.
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:We actually quite like
things to be the same.
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:And to be predictable up to a point.
359
:Because there is safety right there,
safety in things being the same.
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:And now that you're a mother now
that you have this tiny human in
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:your house, everything's different.
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:But you will get used to it.
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:And it might be worth exploring.
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:How can you process that change?
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:I ended up going to art therapy.
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:I had postnatal depression.
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:I didn't recognize it
as such for six months.
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:It was very difficult.
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:And when I finally got help,
I went to an art therapy group
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:provided by a local charity.
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:Which was the best thing I've ever done.
372
:It worked for me because it took
the pressure off producing a
373
:perfect picture, a perfect painting.
374
:And it just allowed me to.
375
:Process what I was feeling inside.
376
:So if you're needing that kind of
support, Have a look around and see if
377
:there are different kinds of therapy.
378
:That you might be able to access.
379
:You might want to do something
like a practical activity.
380
:I found art therapy.
381
:Good.
382
:But there are also groups who do
therapeutic gardening or therapeutic
383
:walking, where you have the
space to process your feelings.
384
:While you're doing something because
that does make it easier sometimes.
385
:And as time goes on, don't forget.
386
:You're going to be.
387
:Amazed and amused by the small person.
388
:I remember being amazed
when I started to get.
389
:Um, we did baby signing when she
started to do sign language back.
390
:And.
391
:I suddenly realized this incredible
small person was going to be.
392
:My companion.
393
:for.
394
:The next few years, and I would get
to see them learn all this stuff.
395
:And as someone who's top one or two
of my strengths is love of learning.
396
:That was brilliant.
397
:So I get to watch and enjoy
them learning at the same time.
398
:And let's think about what your life.
399
:As a new parent, especially a new mother.
400
:Because let's be honest, women still
do most of the work with tiny babies.
401
:It's going to look like and how
that's going to affect your ADHD.
402
:We've spoken a lot about
executive functions, planning.
403
:Organizing time awareness.
404
:Managing all these thoughts, the working
memory, the emotional regulation.
405
:As you can imagine that is intensified.
406
:When you are also doing
it for somebody else.
407
:And the first thing that I found.
408
:And that I hope you find.
409
:Is that.
410
:Nobody's happy unless you're happy.
411
:So early on.
412
:Recognize that.
413
:Maybe the models you saw growing
up, aren't going to work for you.
414
:You're going to have to
do things your own way.
415
:But you can figure it out.
416
:I 100% believe we can all figure it out.
417
:With enough support.
418
:And once you've emerged from the
first awe of the six to eight weeks.
419
:After baby's arrived and come home.
420
:The main things you're going to find.
421
:That you have to manage our things
like planning food, laundry.
422
:Appointments meetings.
423
:So that time piece.
424
:You're also going to have all this
extra stuff and babies come with
425
:an incredible amount of stuff.
426
:If you let them.
427
:So the household organization
is also going to be.
428
:Increasingly demanding.
429
:And then there's going to be the
question around, how do we parent.
430
:Do we allow the baby to
cry themselves to sleep.
431
:And the data suggests that it's
not great for their brains.
432
:But that should have choice.
433
:Or are we.
434
:kind of, co-regulation,
very bonded parents.
435
:Are we picking them up?
436
:Are we making sure that they're.
437
:You know, there's this
attachment style of parenting.
438
:That's the executive function piece.
439
:And.
440
:We are going to look at time
management in a few episodes.
441
:I think it's maybe kind of May, we're
looking at time and time management.
442
:But think about.
443
:What is essential.
444
:Because there's going to be a hundred
things that you could do - . But
445
:what is the essential thing to do?
446
:Right now.
447
:Don't worry about anything else.
448
:Babies are joyous.
449
:They live entirely in the moment.
450
:What can we learn from them?
451
:And if you've got somebody
else around to help you.
452
:What can they take on?
453
:Partner's parents.
454
:This is your chance to step up.
455
:Don't forget your working
memory is going to be impacted
456
:by the oestrogen disappearing.
457
:So.
458
:Makes the most use of.
459
:Visual supports.
460
:Whiteboards.
461
:Chalkboards.
462
:Calendars.
463
:Reminders on your phone, reminders
on your wrist from your watch.
464
:Lean into that scaffolding
as much as you can.
465
:Because that takes the pressure
off your working memory.
466
:And although we might not
feel like we like routines.
467
:There are studies that show.
468
:ADHD parents experience less stress.
469
:If they have a highly structured routine.
470
:So what kind of routine works for you?
471
:Obviously begin with the foundations.
472
:When do we get up?
473
:When do we go to bed?
474
:How are we going to be providing meals?
475
:Are there ways that you can
access prepared meals so that
476
:you're spending less time?
477
:Doing that and that maybe
somebody else offers to.
478
:Take that task on in the household.
479
:When you're thinking about all the
extra stuff that the baby comes with.
480
:Use ADHD, friendly strategies.
481
:This is very personal.
482
:But there are two almost competing things
happening in ADHD household organization.
483
:One is if we can't see
it, it doesn't exist.
484
:Or we forget about it.
485
:I have three copies of one book.
486
:But the other side of that is.
487
:Visual clutter.
488
:Not only drains your energy, but
it stimulates your stress and your.
489
:Agitation.
490
:There are very few people
who don't feel calmer.
491
:in a decluttered calm environment.
492
:The my favorite tip.
493
:And I use this doesn't
matter what age you are.
494
:have what you need.
495
:At the point that you need it.
496
:That might mean that you have scissors.
497
:At each point where you
need a pair of scissors.
498
:And have them in a box.
499
:And they don't leave that spot.
500
:Because you don't need to
take them somewhere else and
501
:put them down on the way.
502
:they are where you need them.
503
:And that's the one thing that I would
recommend everything else is up for grabs.
504
:Work out what your
personal balances between.
505
:I need to be able to see things,
but I also need no clutter.
506
:My favorite is curtains
in front of wardrobes.
507
:I know where things are, but
I'm not overwhelmed by the
508
:clutter and the visual noise.
509
:And the other thing to think about is.
510
:And parenting.
511
:Ideally, if you are sharing parenting
with somebody else, you've had
512
:this discussion before BB arrives.
513
:Be aware you might need to be
flexible to meet your child's needs.
514
:I had a wonderful, , lactation consultant.
515
:She's very famous in the local
area called Carla Napier.
516
:And she said there are
two kinds of babies.
517
:There are fireball babies
and potato babies..
518
:I had a fireball.
519
:Personally, I'm more of a potato.
520
:So you can imagine how that went.
521
:Uh, it was quite a shock to the system.
522
:But if you have a fireball.
523
:Trying to force them into a routine
that suits a different kind of baby.
524
:Is going to great stress for both of you.
525
:So, how can you meet
the needs of the baby?
526
:while also making sure that you meet the
next things we're going to talk about.
527
:Which are looking after yourself.
528
:And that's a game.
529
:That's a dance is something
that's going to develop.
530
:as they go through different stages,
but try to allow some flexibility
531
:into your approach to parenting.
532
:Whatever your ideas were before BB
arrived, they're going to change.
533
:Most importantly, Communication
between you and your partner.
534
:If there is one around.
535
:And your baby, keep it open.
536
:Keep it consistent.
537
:Keep it calm.
538
:And focus on c0- regulation.
539
:If you start co-regulating
with your baby early.
540
:Things going to be a much easier
when you get into the toddler years.
541
:I
542
:finally think about maintaining yourself.
543
:Care.
544
:Your personal wellbeing.
545
:When people say self care,
they tend to think about.
546
:bubble baths, Or.
547
:Candles and meditation journaling.
548
:For some people with ADHD, it might
mean making sure you have time to go
549
:for a walk every day or that you can
go back to the gym or go swimming.
550
:Exercise is so important for us.
551
:And it's something that I neglected
in the first couple of years.
552
:Don't do that.
553
:don't make a mistake guided.
554
:And make sure that you're making time.
555
:This isn't a uh, vanity thing.
556
:Exercise can be as powerful as medication
for people with ADHD in the short term.
557
:You know, just after you've
done it for a few hours.
558
:If you're not able to take
medication for awhile.
559
:Made sure that you've got time for
exercise because it's great for your brain
560
:as well as it being good for your body.
561
:And you can take baby
out with you if you want.
562
:Or have someone watch them and
have that time to yourself.
563
:It's not being selfish.
564
:As I said before, if you're
not well, and you're not happy.
565
:Baby's not going to be happy.
566
:And we know that.
567
:There's a constellation of genes
that are involved with ADHD.
568
:The idea is some, some changes in
the environment sometimes trigger.
569
:The impact of ADHD.
570
:To be felt.
571
:And it's why I often think people with.
572
:Really difficult, challenging,
traumatic, stressful environments.
573
:Can expedience ADHD so
much more intensely.
574
:And it is so much more disabling.
575
:Don't forget 25% of the prison population
meets the diagnostic threshold, ADHD.
576
:So you are protecting
your child's wellbeing.
577
:In the future by looking after yourself.
578
:And being able to take care of yourself.
579
:With exercise.
580
:Managing your sleep.
581
:Making sure you're keeping in
touch with friends as far as
582
:possible, making new friends, maybe.
583
:And of course.
584
:Getting in touch with
people who can support you.
585
:There might be a local
group and mercy local.
586
:I mean, And your ear or online.
587
:That is ideal for you.
588
:not just as a new parent, but as
somebody who has their own interests.
589
:Remember that your interest based brain.
590
:Needs to have that stimulation.
591
:And I have made a long list.
592
:I only have made a list of organizations.
593
:And support groups in the show
notes, and I will include them
594
:in the blog in due course.
595
:That you can contact.
596
:Before and after you become a parent,
597
:This has been quite a direct episode
and I've maybe shared a bit more
598
:of my own personal story here.
599
:Uh, I hope it was useful.
600
:And then usual.
601
:I do want you to remember.
602
:Being a parent.
603
:Can be the most powerful.
604
:Exciting interesting stage in your life.
605
:You do not have to do it
the way other people do it.
606
:Take what is useful and leave the rest.
607
:Learn about things like
declarative language.
608
:Learn about co-regulation.
609
:Personally, I would include baby sign
language because it was fantastic
610
:for us, but it's a personal thing.
611
:But if you're able to co-regulate
model self regulation and good care
612
:for yourself in front of your baby.
613
:You're going to have so much fun.
614
:With this we human being.
615
:I can guarantee you, they will amaze you.
616
:And you will amaze yourself.
617
:Because when you become a parent,
That's your opportunity to
618
:become a new, amazing person.
619
:It's your opportunity.
620
:To reach new levels of
insight into how you work.
621
:What you need.
622
:how the world works and share
that with somebody else.
623
:Don't forget.
624
:Think of your character strengths,
do your via character strengths test.
625
:I have it printed out.
626
:So you don't need to try and
remember it off the cuff.
627
:And think about that
when you're parenting.
628
:Use them every day as well.
629
:Most of all, remember to be compassionate.
630
:Thank you again.
631
:For joining me this week on ADHD.
632
:Powerful possibilities.
633
:Next week we are going through
perimenopause and menopause.
634
:Yes.
635
:I know I have spoken about this before,
but there are some different pieces
636
:of information I would like to share.
637
:I will include a link to the previous
one down below in the show notes as well.
638
:I cannot wait.
639
:To be with you again next week.
640
:Please share this episode, if it's
useful for you or for anybody in
641
:your family in your friend network.
642
:I remember.
643
:Think about what's possible.
644
:And take care of yourself.
