Guilt after a tragedy can convince a man he doesn't deserve to be happy, and letting people in helps him move through it. My guest Danny Bader was almost 29 and working on a roofing crew. A metal ladder he was lowering hit a high-voltage line. His friend was killed. Danny was dead for about eight minutes before he came back. The burns in his hands and feet healed in about a month. The voice in his head took much longer. It told him it was his fault, that his friend's kids didn't have a dad, and that it should have been him. He drank too much and kept his family and friends at a distance. He came close to ending his life. Today he is married to his wife Lisa and is a father of three. He's also an author and speaker who teaches people how to move through hard times.
Danny built his recovery into five principles he calls Jackrabbit. Develop vision. Be still. Seek support and be support. Know yourself. Keep evolving. His vision tool is a letter he writes every fall about the year ahead. He imagines it's December, the year went great, and he writes the story of what happened in past tense. It covers his health, his work, his money, and his relationships, and he reads it every week. Stillness looks like meditation and a daily journal. Knowing himself means watching how he thinks and how he shows up in each role. He also cut back on drinking and keeps a close eye on it. Danny says to look at the past only to learn from it and to enjoy good memories. When someone says the wrong thing in a hard season, he chooses to be thankful they cared enough to say anything.
The turn came from a phone booth. Danny had gone away planning not to come back. That evening he called his mom. She knew he'd been drinking and didn't scold him. She just told him she couldn't wait to see him. After he hung up, the voice in his head changed. It asked what life would be like when he got better. He went home, and over time he finally let people in. Mike Forrester lives and teaches that a man can change on his own. It's just much harder and much slower without people in his corner. Mike also admits he gets so focused on putting out fires that he misses what's going on around him. Danny saw the same thing in himself when his wife needed more from him during a hard year at work. This one is for the dad carrying something heavy behind a brave face while his wife and kids wonder where he went.
What You'll Learn In This Episode:
- Use the five Jackrabbit principles as a simple plan for moving through a hard season.
- Walk through how to write a vision letter for your health, work, money, and relationships.
- Recognize the voice that says you don't deserve to be happy, and notice when it starts to shift.
- Learn to look back at your past only for lessons and good memories.
- See why people who say the wrong thing usually still care about you.
- Spot who in your own home needs a little more of you right now, starting with your wife and kids.
The key moments in this episode are:
00:06:03 - the five Jackrabbit principles for moving through hard times
00:13:13 - when you're not as present for your wife as she needs you to be
00:14:40 - how to focus on your wife's best qualities
00:18:11 - why beating yourself up over the past keeps you stuck
00:18:43 - how a near-fatal accident changed everything
00:21:01 - carrying guilt and believing you don't deserve to be happy
00:23:10 - the phone call to his mom that turned things around
00:25:35 - why men keep people out when they're struggling
00:26:25 - what to do when people say the wrong thing
00:28:09 - how to notice who in your life needs you more
00:36:57 - how to write a vision letter for the year ahead
00:43:11 - learning to accept hard times as part of life
Connect with Danny Bader
Website:
https://www.dannybader.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/dannybaderauthor
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/_dannybader
Connect with Mike Forrester
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike
