Throughout our lives, we crave the opportunity to be listened to in a variety of different ways. No matter of it is for personal or professional business, being able to learn and grow with what others have to say is the sweetest language you can ever appreciate. In previous episodes, we have discussed the concept of active listening, but what does it mean to give yourself to being intentional to this action? Is it worth the time and energy in this day and age, especially with the advancement of technologies, to no longer pay attention? This episode approaches this evolving discussion, particularly when Artificial Intelligence (AI) could easily replace this all important activity.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 103 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today, we're going to talk about

compassion, the ability to relate to

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others, to be able to feel like we are

not only connected with one another,

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but to have that sense of caring, that

ability to know that that person that

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might be going through something might

need to have our ears to be able to listen

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and inspire them to take some sort of

other action that is necessary for them

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to grow and create best relationships,

confidence, and even determination for

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that matter, to keep moving forward.

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I feel that throughout our lives,

we have this opportunity to listen,

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but even more than ever, that

disconnect of being able to have that

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connection with somebody, that ability

to listen to someone, is missing.

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Whether you're thinking that you can get

it from social media, such as Facebook,

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X, formerly known as Twitter, Snapchat,

TikTok, whatever that is that you utilize,

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you have to realize that whatever social

platform you want to try to instill

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yourself in doesn't necessarily mean that

you're going to garner that connection,

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and even if you think that you are being

listened to with the millions of followers

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that you have, instead, you might be

getting the opposite reaction of not

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being listened to in the first place.

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Whether you have the personal,

professional connections to be able to

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learn and grow from others, and be able

to have that sweetest language to be able

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to speak to another person, it doesn't

necessarily mean that it's appreciated,

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or even valued for that matter, so today,

I want to talk about how we can do that.

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How can we listen with compassion

without sacrificing not only our ears,

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but our ability to be able to help

others in their greatest time of need?

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Boy, oh boy, do I ever have so much

that I could talk about with this sort

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of subject, especially with the fact

that I hate dealing with social media.

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That's right; a podcast host who

relies on social media to even

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infiltrate businesses and be able to

get new opportunities through them, I

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absolutely despise the social media.

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Now I might be one of those millennials

that has always advocated for the

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fact that I've seen the best of both

worlds and I know what each benefit

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can provide in terms of not only the

content that we create, but also the

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opportunity it provides, but the drawbacks

are so much more than ever before.

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I keep reading more and more about how

teens, even Gen Zers for that matter,

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are the most depressed, the most anxious,

and even the most suicidal that they

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have ever been than any other generation

that has been recorded seeing this.

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Even the start of the millennial

generation has even seen the uptick of

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many different types of mental illnesses

that have created this issue of are

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we really listening with compassion.

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Are we able to garner and gain

strength from all the opportunities

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that are available to us?

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I think what we are often missing

is that ability to understand

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what it means to be compassionate.

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What does it actually mean to have that

meaningful connection with someone,

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whether that is somebody that is really

getting on your nerves and you're

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really trying to get away from them,

or, you're trying to reach out to

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somebody that is refusing your help,

but you know that they need your help

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because they keep on saying things

that are red flags over and over again?

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Truth be told, I did a lot

of that when I was younger.

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Having that reliability of social media

to be able to get my message out there

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very quickly without having to talk to

someone directly, made me feel a sense

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of comfort, but at the same time, It

was dangerous in more ways than one.

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As a matter of fact, the day in which I

wanted to end my life, which, for many

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of my listeners that have been following

for the longest time know about this

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story, some of you that didn't know,

you might be able to learn a lot more

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about what it means to just shout to the

mountaintops to not feel like you're not

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good enough, and then yet, you're using

social media to advocate your messaging

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and then ignore everybody for that matter,

to feel like you are absolutely connected

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with someone, to actually feel like you

give yourself that intentionality, to

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be able to learn and grow from someone

else means that you have to give a little

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bit of yourself, and that was something

I absolutely refused doing which led

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me into what I ultimately dealt with.

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We don't have to rehash that story.

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I encourage you, if you are new to the

podcast, check out some of my earlier

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episodes, in which I do talk about

what it meant for me to go through

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those struggles in the first place.

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Really, it's about not only having that

listening ear, whether that is through

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social media or other means, it's actually

having that meaningful connection.

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What does it mean to have meaningfulness?

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What does it mean to have humility?

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What does it mean to actually

connect in more ways than one?

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I feel that in this day and age, we are

always speculating as to whether the time

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and energy that we're providing, let alone

the advancement of the technologies that

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we have at our disposal, is really helping

us to feel like we are able to grow.

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I even have some clients of

mine using AI to give themselves

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pep talks every morning.

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"Please, AI.

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Let me know what I should feel today."

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"Oh, absolutely, Client X.

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You should feel happy and glad that

you're alive and breathing.", which by

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all means, I should be saying that that

is some meaningful stuff if you are giving

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yourself many thanks that you're able

to be happy and breathing, but are we

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really turning to technology, something

that hasn't yet developed emotions, to be

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able to give us that compassionate ear?

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To be able to really associate

and build a relationship with

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something that maybe we don't really

understand in the first place?

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Maybe, we're relying on something that

isn't as reliable as we might think.

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I think that we crave opportunity

in a variety of different ways.

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Whether that is something that we enjoy

doing more so than other things, or we're

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just trying to understand each other

by just acknowledging maybe some of the

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strengths and weaknesses that we each

have, but even in the environment that

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we live in today's culture, especially in

the United States for that matter, I feel

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that it's become more toxic, misogynistic,

and even racial for that matter.

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Don't even get me started about

the differences about LGBTQ, let

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alone all the other different types

of identities that are out there.

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Transgender is a very unpopular subject

in itself, but what if I told you that

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even with all those things said, does

it really give us a free license to just

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be not only condemning what other people

might think, without even understanding

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what the other side of it is all about?

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At one point or another in society,

we have lost our way of being able to

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understand what the other viewpoint is;

to be able to ask meaningful, thoughtful

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questions, and even give us some sort of

sympathy for that matter to understand

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with an ear or two, what it means to

actually be listened to, to feel like

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we are actually cared about, to feel

like we are actually part of this

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grand experiment called the human race.

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I think that we are often running around

like rats in a maze, or even on a wheel

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for that matter, just trying to get from

one day to the next, being able to make

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ends meet, although when we are making

ends meet, it might not necessarily be

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in the ways that we think should be the

way that we have our ends being met.

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In other words, maybe we're

turning to things that are

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not necessarily good things.

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In order to satisfy that

craving, that frustration, that

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concern that we often have.

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A few episodes ago, I talked about

some of the biggest things that I've

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been challenged in my own life and even

admitted to you, the listeners, about

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something that I've been dealing with

for the longest time, and if you want

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to be curious about what that thing

is, go back and listen to that episode.

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It was that episode where I let everything

go, and I became raw and emotional about

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why it's important to be completely

transparent, but we need to be able to

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understand that technology, being able

to pay attention to not only the things

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that are going on around us, but also

filtering out the mess that's involved

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with it, means that we have to listen with

carefree attention, be able to understand

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that we have something to say, that we

all have value that we're providing to

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the table, that we all have something

that we need to get off our chest, so that

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we're able to feel a little bit better,

whether that's through a medical issue,

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whether that's through a physical issue,

whether that's through a mental issue, or

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anything else that might be on your mind.

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It's all about really understanding

who that other person is.

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That's really it, and that's something

that even as children, we start to learn

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and formulate, especially from the role

models that we have surrounding ourselves.

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I'm sure you can think of at least one or

two people growing up that maybe had that

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science down and were able to communicate

effectively with each other, being able to

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understand and convey a sense of different

types of emotions and even frustrations,

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but they didn't lose their cool.

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They were able to be like Fonzie

from Happy Days, which if you

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ever watched the Happy Days sitcom

back from the 70s, early 80s.

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You'll certainly learn a thing or two

about what it meant to grow up, not

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only with having the cool kids, but

also having the geeks and the nerds,

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for that matter, associate and grow

as a family, because it doesn't matter

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what your background is, we're all

accepted in a lot of different ways.

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Henry Winkler's character has gone on

to be an icon of America, being able

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to understand not only the differences

between what it means to live in a society

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that might not have your parents around,

but also being adopted into a family that

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allows you to be cared for, and sometimes,

even when you're learning the hard

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lessons, there is a moral to the story.

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I think that's what we often

forget that when we have these

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conversations with other people,

there is a moral to the story.

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As you all know, I've talked about in

other episodes about the importance

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of Crucial Conversations, which by

Joseph Grenny, it has really opened my

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eyes of the opportunity that sometimes

we squander by having these tough

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conversations and not being able to

really get to the other opposing viewpoint

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and understanding why we need to make

some common ground happen, but one

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of the last things that the technique

talks about is being able to follow up.

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What are the things that we should be

held accountable for and when are we going

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to do those things that we're being held

accountable for at what time, at what

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date, and if those are not being met,

what can we do to keep moving forward?

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What is it that might help us to grow,

not only in our communication style,

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but our leadership style as well.

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Being able to have active listening

means that you also are creating an

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atmosphere where you're engaging,

you're sympathizing, you're summarizing.

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You're not only paraphrasing what

someone else says, but you're saying

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it back to them so that you understand

and you're acknowledging that you are

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trying, and that's what we have really

forgotten about in society today is to

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really try, to really be able to set the

goals that we set forth, and be able to

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help each other create that best value.

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Those best values, the things that

were even the purpose driven values

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that we've talked about recently

in our previous monologue episode

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is really about understanding

how we can create that context.

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How can we use the values that we have and

be able to associate with someone else?

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How are we able to create that

opportunity for ourselves when those

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opportunities might be squandered?

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Even with other people that might be

treating us like shit, we need to be able

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to understand that that value that we

give ourselves and even to others for that

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matter is quite a lot, because we need

to be able to create that opportunity.

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We need to be able to feel

like we're listened to.

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Even if it means taking

someone out for dinner.

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Even if it means showing them

a compassionate gift or two.

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Even if it means just spending some

time out of your calendar, out of your

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busy schedule, and just being able to

sit down and acknowledge that they have

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a presence, those are the small things

that add up to massively big dividends.

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The very basis, the very core of

business relationships is about forming

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relationships, the very literal thing

in order to create not only the value

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for your business, but for the value

of yourself, and I've said time and

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time again on this show that if it

wasn't for this podcast, I would have

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never been able to make some of the

most amazing connections that I've

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ever made as part of this experience.

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Podcasting has changed my life

forever, and even if my end this

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show today, I know that I will get

so much out of it as I hope that all

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of you get something out of it too.

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Listening with compassion means taking

one big step forward and actually leaning

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your whole body into the experience.

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It doesn't mean that you half ass it,

and it doesn't mean that you just enjoy

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what's going on with that other person

and just shirking your responsibility.

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It means taking a little bit of yourself,

and extending yourself beyond anything

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that you could ever imagine into a

situation, or into an environment,

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that allows you to feel like you

are $1,000,000 to that other person.

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Those are the relationships

that I am talking about.

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Those are the things in which you

can create important context with.

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With not only the ears that you have,

which we're given two of, but we're

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also creating with compassion, that

experience of being listened to.

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I think that it's often difficult to

talk about this type of subject without

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having to sacrifice the quality of

what I am, and what most people are, as

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they're going through this experience

and thinking, what is it that I can do

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better and not only the things that I'm

doing, but what I'm trying to achieve?

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It might mean taking some

time to audit yourself.

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What are the things

that you're doing right?

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What are the things that you're doing

wrong, and if you're not doing them right

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or wrong, are you doing them just okay?

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Should those okay statements

be, "I am rocking this, and

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I'm enjoying what I'm doing?"

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"I'm really helping someone

to give themselves that value,

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and being intentional about

it on a day to day basis."

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We have to be reminded that sometimes

it's not just us that counts the most,

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it's what other people surrounding

us to help us get to where we are

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are what really counts the most too.

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There's an equal balance.

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In my coaching, I talk about with my

clients the importance of that self value,

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but it also means that they have to give

value to other people, so if they're

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not accepting of what they are giving to

themselves, and they're not accepting of

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what others have given to them, it will

never work to be able to create not only

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those relationships and confidence and

determination that I often talk about in

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my business, let alone on this show with

my guests, but it also means that you

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fall a little short on being listened to

yourself, because who will give you the

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time and day to be able to help you grow?

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It's all about duality.

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Looking at it from both sides,

and we have lost that art.

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If you are one of those people

today that you're listening to

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this, and you're feeling that you're

moved by the fact that, "Yeah.

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I am not doing that.

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I should be listening more

compassionately.", this is your

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opportunity to change that discourse.

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It's time to really have a solid

conversation about how we can best move

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forward and stop being stuck in our ways.

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Our ways are important, but it doesn't

give us a ticket to just keep on riding

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that same train, in circles, thinking

that we are going to be listened to every

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time that we go around the loop, because

as trains go along, people get off.

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They're reaching their destination,

but maybe the destination that

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we're all heading towards is

not compassionate listening.

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It might be something that we need

to do a little bit better with not

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only with our own self development,

but in the things that we're trying

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to achieve; the very goals that

we're all setting out to accomplish.

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Is it worth the time and energy in

this day and age, especially with

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AI, to keep working on listening?

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Yes, yes, and yes, because if we're not

listening, we are not growing, and if

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we're not growing, we're not achieving,

and if we're not achieving, well, you

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end up like me, but yet that was past me,

and that past me could be past you, too.

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You can move on from this.

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You might be able to step forward today

and listen just a little bit harder, and

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even if they're soft spoken, that other

person that you're talking to, ask them

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to speak up, because this time around,

you have something that you want to say

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to them, but before you say what you

have to say, you want to listen to what

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they have to give back, and I think that

might be the very first step in not only

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civil discourse, not only acknowledging

the differences, whether it's racial,

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societal, or even transgender for that

matter, but by appreciating somebody

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else's perspective, you might be growing

in your own ways, not only with your ears,

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but with your mind, and I think that's

pretty compassionate of you to do so.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 103 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.