HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE

HOST: Beverly Price, Divorce & Empowerment Coach

GUEST: Tresa Leftenant, CFP, Author, Speaker, Reinvention Mentor

SUMMARY:

Claiming our financial power isn’t the only step, but it’s among the most critical when it comes to securing the post-divorce life we envision and deserve. On this episode of Her Empowered Divorce, Host Beverly Price welcomes a financial adviser, author and reinvention mentor with actionable tips that will enable you to move forward with confidence. Tresa Leftenant, a Certified Financial Planner and author of "Reinventing Her: Helping Women Plan, Pursue, and Capitalize Their Next Chapter," helps us prioritize the primary building blocks for negotiating a successful divorce and financial independence. She explains the elements we want to put in place to support peace of mind as well as her perspective on financial abuse – a pervasive dynamic that all women need to consider. You’ll come away with both pragmatic advice and a stronger sense of your agency before, during and after the process of divorce. It’s all about laying the groundwork for a future that reflects your heart’s desire and putting in place a pragmatic, manageable plan to get there. “Anybody can learn this,” says Tresa. “You just have to be willing to take the time and have someone explain it to you in a way that is on your wavelength.”

You can find out more about how to connect with Tresa at her website or sign up for a free download of "The Money Stress Solution: Self-Confidence Checklist."

If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at this link. You can also join her Empowered Divorce Women’s Meetup Group here.

Visit this link to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate and review our show!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·      Questions your CFP should be asking:

o  What exactly do you want in your future?

o  What is your vision for your life?

o  What steps are you taking to actually improve your life?

·      Word to the Wise: Make sure your financial planner is a licensed fiduciary, which adds a layer of responsibility to their decision-making.

·      Niche Focus: About Tresa’s commitment and attention to women – and in particular those navigating divorce or widowhood.

·      Why the Fear?

o  Women receive messages growing up that discourage them from believing that they can be financially independent – and get there on their own!

o  No one wants to fail or make the mistakes necessary to learn.

·      That Important First Step: Women need to understand their reality and process what they want in the context of their situation before embarking on a divorce.

·      Baseline Financial Planning Questions:

o  What are the short- and long-term goals?

o  What is the timeline for taking action to reach those goals?

·      Ongoing Support: Because money is always in motion, the savvy woman constantly monitors her financial plan and stays regularly in touch with her adviser.

·      Social Conditioning: Not unlike sexual abuse, Tresa believes financial abuse diminishes, disempowers and traps women.

·      Word to the Wise: You can call upon your feminine power and demand equal access to financial education, resources and agency to make decisions.” (Tresa)

·      Word to the Wise: Insist on having the tough financial conversations and access to decisions around money from the outset of your relationships. It’s a trust thing.

·      Things to Prioritize in Divorce:

o  Have a spending plan that takes into consideration who you really are and what you really want?

o  Find your purpose and passion and let that guide you.

o  Get clear about who you are if not married and what song you want to sing.

·      Three Actionable Tips:

o  #1: Commit to (and get excited about) being 100% intentional and responsible for every single financial decision.

o  #2: Put your emergency fun in place as soon as possible so that you don’t have to rely on borrowing or credit cards.

o  #3: Transition your mindset from budgeting to a spending plan that focuses on what you want, what it costs and how to get there.

NOTABLE QUOTES:

·      “Twenty years ago I started my own company because I wanted my clients to be my boss instead of having a company be my boss.” (Tresa)

·      “Women like to talk to women (about financial planning). We speak the same language.” (Tresa)

·      “We get cultural messages that women need a man to help us make the really complicated decisions around investing or estate planning or insurance … (but) anybody can learn this. You just have to be willing to take the time and have someone explain it to you in a way that is on your wavelength.” (Tresa)

·      “When money is in movement, that’s when you have to be critically careful about the timing of certain decisions.” (Tresa)

·      “To be a successful woman and grow wealth on your own requires that you make it a priority.” (Tresa)

·      “When you’re in a partnership, the way to negotiate a future is to have an equal input – … You deserve to be informed. You deserve to be an equal partner in the (financial choices).” (Tresa)

·      “Financial abuse is abundant, it’s huge in most marriages and it’s probably the reason for a lot of divorces.” (Tresa)

·      “The bottom line is that a woman has to step in and claim her power in her financial decisions.” (Beverly)

·      “If a husband is withholding information or putting you down, hiding things or saying you don’t need to see this, that’s when alarm bells should go off.” (Beverly)

·      “Budgets are limiting. Spending plans are expansive.” (Tresa)

FURTHER RESOURCES/RELEVANT LINKS:

·      Beverly’s personal Facebook page can be found here.

·      Women’s Divorce and Empowerment group discussion available here.

ABOUT OUR GUEST:

Tresa Leftenant is a Certified Financial Planner™ and founder of an independent financial planning and investment management company in Bellevue, WA. She is a Certified Trainer of Jack Canfield's Success Principles and author of Reinventing Her - Helping Women Plan, Pursue, and Capitalize on Their Next Chapter. Tresa is passionate about guiding suddenly single women to find their voice and step into a better financial future. Her signature coaching program is The Reinvention Blueprint - 7 Essential Inner Habits for More Confidence, Clarity and Financial Wellbeing

FOLLOW OUR GUEST:

WEBSITE | COACHING |FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN | EMAIL

ABOUT YOUR HOST:

Beverly Price is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®️and Women’s empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience. Her passion lies in supporting women through every aspect of separation and divorce. She offers a comprehensive coaching experience that goes beyond just empowerment work to help clients develop their communication, conflict management, boundary setting and negotiation skills. Beverly also provides expertise on the technical, legal, and financial aspects of the divorce process. Women will learn how to evaluate whether they want to stay or go in their marriage and how to make the best possible decisions for themselves and their families. With a holistic approach that combines goal-oriented strategies with emotional support, Beverly’s coaching helps clients build a positive and fulfilling future for themselves and their families during and after divorce.

CONTACT YOUR HOST:

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | SPOTIFY | YOUTUBE | LINKEDIN | EMAIL

CHECK OUT MY FREE EBOOK:12 Steps to Empowerment https://herempowereddivorce.com/12-steps-to-empowerment-1



 A Warm Shoutout To Our Amazing Sponsor:

SOBERLINK

As parents, we often have gut feelings when something just isn’t right. 

This can be especially true in co-parenting arrangements where one parent is struggling with addiction. 

If you’re co-parenting with an ex-spouse who abuses alcohol, Soberlink can help. 

Soberlink’s alcohol monitoring system is the most convenient, reliable, and reasonable way for a parent to provide evidence that they are not drinking during parenting time. 

The system’s real-time alerts, facial recognition, and tamper detection ensure the integrity of each test, so you can be confident your kids are with a sober parent. 

With Soberlink, judges rest assured that your child is safe, attorneys get court-admissible evidence of sobriety, and your kids are able to maintain healthy relationships with BOTH parents. 

To sign up and get $50 off your device, visit www.soberlink.com/empowered 

As parents, we often have gut feelings when something just isn't right. This can be especially true in co-parenting arrangements where one parent is struggling with addiction. If you're co-parenting with an ex-spouse who abuses alcohol, Soberlink can help. Soberlink’s alcohol monitoring system is the most convenient, reliable and reasonable way for a parent to provide evidence that they are not drinking during parenting time. The system's real-time alerts, facial recognition and tamper detection ensure the integrity of each test so you can be confident in your kids are with a sober parent. With Soberlink, judges can rest assure that your child is safe, attorneys get court admissible evidence of sobriety, and your kids are able to maintain healthy relationships with both parents. To sign up, we have a special offer for Her Empowered Divorce listeners. To get $50 off your device, visit www soberlink.com/empowered.

Beverly Price: Hi, beautiful. I'm so glad you're here with me today. I'm excited to bring you my guest, Teresa Left Tenant. She is a certified financial planner, and she's going to talk with me today about taking 100% responsibility for your financial future during and after your divorce. Hi, Tresa, thank you so much for being my guest today. It's so good to have you here.

Tresa Leftenant: Hey, Beverly. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm excited about our conversation.

Beverly Price: Yeah. Can you tell the audience a little bit about yourself, your background, what kind of qualifies you to speak on this topic?

So that's why I became a CFP. And then 20 years ago I started my own company and I did that because I wanted my clients to be my boss instead of having the company be my boss. And that's worked out really well for the women that I work with.

Beverly Price: So how long have you been working with divorced women?

Tresa Leftenant: I would say most of my career as a financial advisor, but more specifically in the last 10 years. Because women like to talk to women, we speak the same language. And so women would find me. And then the other thing that happens when you kind of desire a relationship with a professional who can give you advice is that usually something happens in your life. You either receive some money or you have a life change. So I began to attract divorced women and also widowed women. And that made me want to get better at understanding what their particular problems were, what their needs were, what their concerns, their goals, their dreams, and so that's a big part of my practice now.

Beverly Price: That sounds fantastic. So you work with an individual. Do you work nationally or locally?

Tresa Leftenant: Isn't it great that we can work nationally? I can't work internationally, but I definitely can work nationally, and that's because I do carry licenses to talk about securities and educate people and make recommendations. And so those licenses are national and of course with video calling like you and I are doing, we can meet with pretty much anybody anywhere in the country.

Beverly Price: That's fabulous. This is a question that just bothers me all the time. Why are so many women afraid of getting involved in their finances?

Tresa Leftenant: Well, I think it starts from the messaging that we receive when we're growing up. And for a lot of women, maybe the majority, they are not taught that they can become financially independent on their own. We get messages even now from our cultural messages that women need a man to help us make the really complicated decisions around investing or estate planning or insurance. And it's true, there are details that it's important to learn about. But what I tell my clients is, anybody can learn this. You just have to be willing to take the time and to have someone explain it to you in a way that actually is on your wavelength so you could actually hear it, you could actually let it in. Which unfortunately, that is a little bit harder for a man to do. Men don't necessarily communicate the same way women do. So I think that's the main reason why women are hesitant. And then the second reason I would say, Beverly, is because nobody likes to fail. When you're making decisions with money, you sometimes have to make mistakes in order to learn what you need to learn. That's true about anything in life, right?

Beverly Price: In life, yes.

Tresa Leftenant: Boy, with our money, it can really sting because if we make what we think is a great investment choice and we end up losing some of our hard-earned money, it makes us really hesitant to do something like that again. Whereas that lesson of perhaps the reason that the situation didn't turn out okay, when you learn about that, then you have a better opportunity to make it better the next time to make better choice the next time. So those are a couple of reasons.

Beverly Price: Are you in the middle of or struggling with life after divorce? Do you ever find yourself feeling angry, overwhelmed, lonely, or sad? It's completely normal to experience a range of emotion, but here's the good news. You are not alone and help is available. Hi, I'm Beverly Price, host of the Her Empowered Divorce podcast. As a certified divorce and empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience, I help women navigate divorce, feel supported and built more fulfilling life afterwards. Every week, I feature industry leading guests who share their expertise and provide practical tips. I offer valuable insights and empowering strategies that will help you regain your confidence and create the life you deserve just like I did in my divorce. I also address the rollercoaster of emotions that often accompany this journey. So join me every Monday as we release a new episode of the Her Empowered Divorce Podcast. Tune in for the help you need to make informed decisions, find the right support, and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. Subscribe today and never miss an episode. So what do you think when we go back to divorced women? What do you think a woman starting in the divorce or thinking about a divorce, what's the first thing she should do?

Tresa Leftenant: Well, and this is sometimes the hardest thing to do. But it's like when you go on the trip and you're going to put the, the information in the GPS, you want to know what the destination is so the GPS can calculate how you're going to get there. Well, that's a simple example of why a woman has to start asking herself, what do I want? What do I want for my life? Now, it's true. Sometimes we don't always have a full choice. We have things we have to do especially if we're mothers and we have a job. So there's things that we have to do. But what do you really want within the context of the have-tos? And then you can start making financial choices. It's very important to know where you're going and I've mentioned this to you before, I think that's why it's important to have a divorce coach that can really help you process what's going on in your mind, help you understand your emotional experience and then get to those, okay, I think I really want this for now. What are those short-term goals or those long-term goals? And that's really what a financial planner needs to know. We need to know what are we planning for and how much time do we need to take action to get you where you want to go?

Beverly Price: Gotcha, gotcha. So when a woman divorces, and she's going through the process, as we said, and then her divorce is final--let's say she started working with you and has a plan but now the divorce is final, is it important for her to talk to you at that point too?

Tresa Leftenant: Yes, definitely and I'll tell you why. Because usually when the divorce is final, that's when money is in movement.

Beverly Price: Right.

Tresa Leftenant: And you can't make any assumptions about who's getting the money because it depends on what the couples’ arrangements are and what the settlement says. But when money is in movement, that's when you really have to be critically careful about the timing of certain decisions. Is it the right time to liquidate an IRA and send half of it to the other partner? That's an a pretty normal thing that happens in the state of Washington where it's a community property state, assets have to be cut in half. And so if you're sending an IRA balance to another account, is it the right time and how is the best way to do it? Because there's a lot of different potential solutions to that challenge. So I guess that's really the bottom line is. Financial management is something that has to be a priority or should be a priority on everybody's to-do list.

And I mean, regularly. And that's something that women have a hard time getting into their schedules. Because there's so much more that we either have to do or we want to do. But to be a successful woman and to grow wealth on your own, it requires that you make it a priority. So I talk to my clients regularly, monthly in many cases because money is always in motion. I tell people, money's a flow. It's like a river. It's coming in and it's going out. And if you want to have some sort of control as a word or influence, shall we say, then it requires that you pay attention to when that flow is coming in and the decisions about where it's going out.

Beverly Price: Gotcha, gotcha. I think back to kind of the whole subject of the male patriarchy. And how many women over generations were taught that finances and money were man's stuff, man's area. And so that we should defer to them and give them all that. And what I've seen happen and tragically is that from that can come financial abuse. And most people think of physical abuse or verbal abuse, but what is financial abuse?

Tresa Leftenant: Oh, it's kind of hard to talk about it, isn't it? Because it's as destructive as sexual abuse in my mind. And I've just recently had a client who really suffered from it and didn't realize it. So here's an example of financial abuse. I'll take care of the money and I'll give you a little account over here and I'll put some money in there and you get to just exist on that. I don't know how many times I've heard of that circumstance happening with couples. And so the woman is almost forced. And this particular client, whenever she brought it up with her husband about -- I'd like to know what's happening with our investments. I'd like to be involved in the meetings. No, that's not something that you can understand. That's financial abuse right there. When somebody tells you that you can't do something and it's actually something that you instinctively know you want to and that you can, that's abuse. It should be Okay. Should I have a, I have an issue with the word should, but I think when you're in a partnership, the way to negotiate a future is to have an equal input and especially around finances. Actually. I know some couples who successfully separate their finances and they do fine with that. But I'm in the camp that there must be conversation about money if there's no conversation about money. And this happens a lot with women. I try to talk to my husband about our finances, but he doesn't want to, that's financial abuse. Because you deserve to be informed.

You deserve to be an equal partner in the choices you deserve to be educated at the financial advisor's office. And I know of so many circumstances over the years, Beverly, where women go into financial advisors’ offices and they never even get a look that, that the information is never even directed in their direction.

Beverly Price: Yeah. That's not too different than some medical doctors or like that too.

Tresa Leftenant: Yes. And so, as part of my practice, I have a lot of empowerment exercises around standing in your female power. We don't have to be masculine. We have plenty of feminine power to draw on and to stand up for it, to demand it, and to learn how to communicate in a way where you get what you want. You know what, what do they say? You know the statistics. How many marriages fall apart over money. And that's because there's no communication about it. If were taught communication tools and both people were willing to go into it with equal exuberance, then so many divorces wouldn't happen. It's frustrating for me. Financial abuse is abundant. It's huge. It's probably in most marriages and it's probably the reason for a lot of divorces.

Beverly Price: Right. And then I think you kind of enter in that path of hidden things, assets that are hidden and accounts that you didn't know about. And some things might be joint and others are set up and there's just horror stories and forensic accountants have to be brought in and that kind of thing. So, the bottom line I think is a woman has to step in and claim her power in her financial decisions. A husband is withholding information if he's putting you down. But mainly if he's hiding things or says, you don't need to see this, that's when the alarm bells should really go off.

Tresa Leftenant: I totally agree. And hopefully there's some women listening who haven't gotten married yet and or want to get married again and they can hear us when we say, these are the conversations to have before you walk down the aisle to get clear about this and to know that there's trust. This is a trust thing. And if you don't have trust in your relationship, it just isn't going to last.

Beverly Price: That's true. So what other kinds of decisions should a divorced woman make a priority?

Tresa Leftenant: Here's something that is almost like the beginning 101 decision making with money and that is what is the spending plan? And what it does, the spending plan. Now notice I didn't say budget. Because budgets are limiting, spending plans are expansive. A spending plan takes into consideration who you really are and what you really want, and has the element of your self-confidence and self-esteem that as a single woman, you deserve to have the life that you want. Now, it does mean that you may have to take some action that you're uncomfortable with in order to have what you want, but you can grow into what you want.

Beverly Price: Can you give us an example?

Tresa Leftenant: Yeah. Big dreams are a really good thing. So I'm working with a divorced woman right now whose dream is to buy a house in France and to be a travel guide in her late. She's in her fifties so she's working on creating that dream and she has some big steps that she needs to take and she will have to grow herself as a person in order to take those steps. But as long as she has the vision in her mind and in her imagination and she holds it close and keeps it alive, that will provide her with the motivation that she needs to grow into that dream of living in France and being a travel guide and having people come and stay. It makes gives me goosebumps when I think about the possibility of it for her.

Beverly Price: Oh, that sounds fantastic.

Tresa Leftenant: That's what makes financial decision making easier. Beverly, it’s when you find your purpose and passion in life. Like, who am I really about? If I'm not married, who am I? What am I here to contribute? What's my song to sing in the world's-- my verse in the world song? So I think that's what we all need to get in touch with and when we do, making financial decisions gets easier.

Beverly Price: That sounds fantastic. So I always ask my guests to bring three actionable tips that our audience can use that the women can take and implement right away in regard to their responsibility with money. What would you say they are?

Tresa Leftenant: So I would say the first step is to make a decision inside yourself to have the intention that I am 100% responsible for every decision that I make with my money. I take it on. And even if it feels really heavy right now, if it feels impossible, I'm going to get the resources I need to grow into that responsibility. I know that about my money and I'm married. I mean, I love the fact that I'm responsible for my financial decisions because it gives me the power. It gives me the opportunity to have whatever I want, right? So that would be the first thing is to just mentally prepare for the journey ahead and to take it on as something a, a great journey, a fun adventure that they now have to grow into and to learn. And then the second thing is on a more practical level, is to gather that emergency fund as soon as you can. Do that first. Have that cushion, whatever that amount is, that gives you the knowledge that if something happens, you can dip into something and get some thousands of dollars.

Beverly Price: Right.

Tresa Leftenant: And you don't have to rely on credit cards and you don't have to rely on borrowing money from your mother or whatever. Get the emergency fund together. And then the third step would be the idea of transitioning your mindset from budgeting to spending plan. What do you want? What's that going to cost? Come to a financial planner so that you can understand how much your dream will cost and then you can make plans on how you want to spend your money to be able to live it, to have that life that you dream of.

Beverly Price: Oh, that's fantastic. Tresa, this has just been incredible. How can our listeners find you? Because I'm sure they're going to want to know more.

Tresa Leftenant: Well, I have a financial advisor website through Ameriprise Financial, that's my broker dealer. And so it's ameriprise.com/ tresa/leftenant. I'm sure you're going to have that in the show notes, but it's an Ameriprise website. But you can just get Google my name, Tresa Leftenant and you will find me.

Beverly Price: That's awesome. Is there anything else we haven't talked about that you'd like to share?

Tresa Leftenant: I guess I'd like to say that having a team of professionals is so helpful to the navigation of this very and unfortunate and somewhat complex experience. But the other thing is that life does go on, and hurt and pain can be processed and let go of. People can forgive and get back to that life of being in gratitude and living it the way you want to. So I guess that's what I would just reassure women going through divorce. I will tell you, I've been through three of them. Now, part of that reason is because I wasn't a very good chooser but my fourth marriage is the one that stuck because I learned from the other three. So That's beautiful. So life is great. You'll get there.

Beverly Price: Absolutely. Thank you so much for being my guest today.

Tresa Leftenant: You're welcome,

Beverly Price: This has been informative and enjoyable. I appreciate it.

Tresa Leftenant: You're very welcome. I had a great time. Thanks so much, Beverly.

Beverly Price: And thank you to those in the audience for joining Tresa and myself today. All of Theresa's information will be available in the show notes along with mine. You can find them at herempowereddivorce.com on the podcast page or wherever you listen to podcasts. The video version is also on my YouTube channel. So join me in our next episode where I'll be diving deeper into what other expert professionals can share to help you on your separation and divorce journey. And remember, please like, subscribe and share the podcast. It will help us reach so many other women and help them through their pain and on their journey. If you'd like one-on-one support for your process, sign up for a free consultation with me at herempowereddivorce.com. Thank you and take care.

Thank you for listening to the Her Empowered Divorce Podcast. Remember, divorce doesn't have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills and confidence, and it can also be a time of growth and empowerment. A divorce and empowerment coach is an invaluable member of your divorce team. I help you understand and navigate the process, come to terms with your emotions, avoid costly mistakes, find your true voice and create an empowered life post-divorce. If you're interested in learning more, schedule a free consultation at herempowereddivorce.com. And be sure to check out my other episodes of Her Empowered Divorce Podcast and resources on my website or wherever you listen to podcasts. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. This will help me reach out to more women in the same space so you are not so alone. I appreciate your support. Until next time, take care and stay empowered.

About Tresa Leftenant

Tresa Leftenant is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and founder of an independent financial planning and investment management company in Bellevue, WA. She is a Certified Trainer of Jack Canfield's Success Principles and author of Reinventing Her - Helping Women Plan, Pursue, and Capitalize on Their Next Chapter. Tresa is passionate about guiding suddenly single women to find their voice and step into a better financial future. Her signature coaching program is The Reinvention Blueprint - 7 Essential Inner Habits for More Confidence, Clarity and Financial Wellbeing.

Connect with Tresa Leftenant

• Website reinventingher.com/mss-salon

• Tresa Leftenant broker dealer - ameriprise.com/ tresa/leftenant

Connect with Beverly Price, the Podcast Host & Divorce & Empowerment Coach

● Website - www.herempowereddivorce.com

● Email - beverly@herempowereddivorce.com

● Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/herempowereddivorce/

● Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/beverlyprice365/

● Facebook Group for Women: Women’s Divorce and Empowerment Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcerecovery

● Instagram - www.instagram.com/her_empowered_divorce

● LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-price/

● Meetup Group for Women https://www.meetup.com/womens-divorce-and-empowerment-group

● Schedule a private consultation: https://Beverly-Price.as.me/Consultation

SUBSCRIBE TO THE HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE PODCAST

● Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@herempowereddivorce/