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Dating Skills Series (2 of 4) - Juicy Conversations
Episode 27 • 8th October 2024 • I Love You, Too • Relationship Center
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Are you struggling to keep conversations flowing on dates, Dear Listener? Rest assured, you're not alone – one of the most common questions we receive is, What should I talk about on a date? Join us for part two of our four-part dating skills series, where we are here to guide you in improving your conversation skills.

In this episode, we delve into 'juicy conversations' and explore how to keep a conversation going and build rapport effectively. Learn five key skills to enhance your dating conversations:

  1. Tapping into Your Senses: Engage your senses to stay present and responsive.
  2. Asking Open-Ended and Deep Questions: Learn what deep questions to ask to foster connection.
  3. Active Listening: Show genuine interest and understanding in your date's responses.
  4. Lingering in Conversations and Silences: Embrace pauses to allow deeper connections to form.
  5. Using 'Yes, And': Build connections by affirming and expanding on your date’s ideas.

Practical demos highlight what to do and what not to do on dates, giving you actionable insights and equipping you with the necessary tools for creating and sustaining meaningful relationships. By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away prepared and confident, with practical strategies to improve your conversation skills, ensuring your dates are engaging, meaningful, and successful. Tune in and transform your dating conversations into deeper, more rewarding connections.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:20 - #1: Sense

06:26 - #2: Open

18:09 - #3: Listen

27:16 - #4: Linger

36:41 - #5: Yes, And

45:02 - Summary and Conclusion

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Transcripts

Jessica:

From the Relationship Center, I'm psychotherapist, couples counselor, and

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dating coach Jessica Engle and this is I

Love You Too, a show about how to create

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and sustain meaningful relationships.

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Josh: I'm dating and relationship

coach Josh Van Vliet.

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Welcome to part two of our

four part dating skills series.

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This episode is all about

juicy conversations.

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We're so happy you're here and please

remember that this show is not a

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substitute for a relationship with a

licensed mental health professional.

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Welcome

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dear listener to part two of our

four part dating skills series.

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If you missed it in our last episode,

we introduced you to this whole

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series all about dating skills.

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Go check that out for the overview of

what we're doing here, as well as a

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deep dive into our foundational dating

skills, positive nonverbal communication.

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And we also give you some ideas for how

to apply what you're learning throughout

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the series in that first episode.

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So check that out if you missed that.

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Today, We're diving into

juicy conversations.

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Jessica: Yes, we are.

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Before we get started, though, if you

love our show, dear listener, will you

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please share an episode with a friend?

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By doing so, you'll help us

help more sweet humans like you.

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So thank you in advance.

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Okay, diving into juicy conversations.

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Josh: Juicy conversations.

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And so for this episode, like

our first episode, we've got

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five different dating skills.

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We're going to be talking about and

doing some demos of today as well.

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So should we just dive

in with the first one?

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Or do you want to give a little overview

of All five before we, before we jump in.

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Jessica: Yeah, good question.

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Well, I also want to say we have

a handout that we'll link you to.

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So if you are a visual learner, pull

that on up and, uh, follow along with us.

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And yes, I think, uh, let's

kind of give the overview first.

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The five skills are sense, open,

listen, linger, And yes, and.

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So let's go through these one by one.

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Josh: Let's do it.

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Jessica: And the first one is sense.

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Now sense actually is a

bit of a two part skill.

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First and foremost, it really is

referring to tapping into your five

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senses to ground and self soothe.

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Okay?

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So noticing a color nearby,

noticing smells, listening for

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the sounds in the environment.

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You, dear listener, may have been in a

conversation with maybe a love interest,

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but maybe just someone else, where

you've realized, oh, this other person

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doesn't seem particularly present.

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They don't seem like they're here.

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And I'm imagining that

that felt disconnecting.

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Um, so this is, we like to start

each of these sets of skills with

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something that helps you arrive

here and now, because we tend to

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just come across as more, you know,

Connectable when we are really present.

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Josh: Yeah.

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Absolutely.

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And for me, and maybe for many of

our listeners, anxiety can be one

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of the things that takes us out of

being present and focusing on our

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senses and what's happening here and

now is such a great way to help us.

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be present and refocus away from

whatever anxiety or other internal

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dialogue may be happening in that moment.

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I love personally just feeling like

the texture of my pants on my hands.

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Like if I'm sitting down with somebody,

you know, you can just like have a hand

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on your, on your leg and just feel that.

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And it's very subtle, but

it can be very grounding,

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focusing on one of these senses.

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Jessica: Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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I also, you know, a lot of people

go out for food or drinks on a date.

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And so I really love like savoring

Whatever it is that I'm, um, eating.

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So that's The first part of sense,

this first skill, the second part is

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to really tune into your sensuality.

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Uh, and I included this because I saw

over and over again with a lot of the

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singles that we work with, that there is

this tendency to, what's often referred

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to as get stuck in the friend zone.

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Music: And

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Jessica: for a lot of these people,

when I really dig into what might

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be happening there, it sounds like

they are trying, particularly men

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dating women and They're trying really

hard not to come across as creepy.

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Yes.

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And the way that they're doing that

is by kind of dissociating from their

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own attraction to the other person.

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So, for my, like, nice, nice guys, nice

people out there who are maybe afraid of

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tuning into their attraction, this might

feel a little edgy, and just start to

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notice, like, yeah, how does my body feel

in, in the presence of this other person?

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Is there a little bit of excitement?

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Is there something in my body

that points to, like, yeah,

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no, I'm, I'm into this person.

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Or not.

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Which is also good information.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And when you are able to tune into

that, I think we naturally start

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to express it through our body

language, through what we're saying.

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And if you are still really anxious about

coming across as a creep, I recommend

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our Flirt Like a Feminist episode.

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And we also have a nice blog post,

uh, really digging into like, how do

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you flirt in a way that's respectful?

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Yeah.

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Josh: Beautiful.

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So this first one is all about tuning

into your senses, both The physical

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senses of what's around you to help

you be present and tuning into your

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sensuality and your sense of interest and

engagement or, or lack thereof, right?

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Getting, but tuning into whatever signal

is there for you about who you're with.

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Jessica: Yes.

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Yeah.

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And you know, something we touched

on in the last episode is it's

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really great to practice a lot of

these outside of dating situations.

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And what I'm referring to here is an

ability to really track your own body.

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Which for some people is very hard.

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We've really been taught to

disconnect from somatic experience.

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So, if you're sort of on a date

and you're like, I, I feel nothing.

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You're not alone.

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And just know that it may

take a little bit of practice

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to really build that muscle.

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Josh: Perfect.

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Anything else on sense?

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Jessica: No.

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Josh: Let's talk about open,

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Jessica: then.

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Josh: And before we even talk

about, shall we give a little demo

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of what we're talking about here?

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Jessica: Let's do it.

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Okay.

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Josh: We'll do, we'll do what not to

do first, and then we'll, we'll demo

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the skill that we're talking about.

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Jessica: Beautiful.

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Josh: All right.

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So, we've got an imaginary date

here, uh, my character is Paul.

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Jessica: And I am Petunia.

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Josh: And let's imagine we're on

a first date, and maybe we're at,

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at dinner, let's say, or maybe at

a coffee shop, something low key.

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Jessica: That's typically what we

recommend for first dates anyways.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beautiful.

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So Paul, uh, where do you work?

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Josh: I, um, I'm a dance teacher.

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Jessica: Oh, okay.

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Great.

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Um, do you like it?

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Josh: Uh, yeah.

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Yeah, it's

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Jessica: fun.

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Josh: And, uh, Petunia, uh,

how many siblings do you have?

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Jessica: Three.

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Yeah.

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Josh: Great.

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Are you, are you close with them?

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Jessica: Somewhat.

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Yeah.

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What'd you do this weekend?

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Josh: Uh, I, um, I didn't,

didn't do a whole lot actually.

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I was pretty low key,

just kind of hung out.

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I went, I went down to the river

for a little bit to just sit by

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the river and, and watch the water.

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And that was nice.

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Jessica: Oh, great.

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Josh: Yeah.

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What about you?

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Jessica: I, I mostly just

hung out with my dog.

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Josh: Nice.

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Yeah.

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I love dogs.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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Me too.

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Me too.

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What's your favorite dog?

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Josh: Uh, oh, um.

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Jessica: Dog breed, that is.

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Not individual dog.

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Josh: Yeah.

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I wish I had a dog.

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That would probably be my

favorite dog if I had a dog.

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Uh, but, um, I, I mean, the Golden

Retriever is, is what I had growing

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up and that, I love that dog.

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And so Golden Retrievers have a special.

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Special spot in my heart.

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Jessica: Mm hmm.

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Very good.

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End scene.

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Josh: Dear listener, did that

sound familiar to you at all?

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Have you maybe been on that date?

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Mm

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Jessica: hmm.

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Yeah.

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Kind of stilted.

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Kind

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Josh: of stilted.

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Not a lot of energy or like

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Jessica: momentum.

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Josh: Momentum.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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Josh: Kind of like, we're just here.

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Yep.

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We were just kind of on a

little bit on autopilot, right?

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Almost.

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Or like

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Jessica: searching around.

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Josh: Searching around.

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There's

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Jessica: something here we can, there's

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Josh: something we can talk about.

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Yeah.

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Just so we don't feel awkward.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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Josh: Yeah.

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Jessica: Not a lot of flow.

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Josh: Not a lot of flow.

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Jessica: Shall we try what to

do and then we'll explain what

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exactly the difference was.

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Josh: Let's do it.

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Well, it's so nice being

with you today, Petunia.

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Let me try that again.

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A little nervous today, apparently.

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But yeah, I'm just really, I'm

really excited to be with you.

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Excited to get to know you further.

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Jessica: Yeah, me too, me too.

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You're coming from work?

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Josh: I am, yeah.

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Jessica: And I'm recalling

you're a dance teacher.

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Josh: Yeah, good memory.

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Jessica: What drew you to teaching dance?

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Josh: Um, I love the way that it gives

people a way to connect really deeply,

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uh, and, and in a way that like we

don't do much in our everyday life,

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Music: you

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Josh: know, uh, something about

moving our bodies together that

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can be very like intimate, very

sweet and, and just really fun

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Jessica: also.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I love that.

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It's, it's unusual to see people,

like, connect in that way.

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Josh: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's really, it feels really

special and I, I, I love getting

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to help kind of facilitate that.

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'cause I think you see, um, people

have real, like, interactions

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that we don't normally have.

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Mm-Hmm.

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. Mm-Hmm.

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. Yeah.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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Josh: And remind me, what,

what do you do for work?

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Jessica: I'm a tutor.

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Josh: You're a tutor?

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Yeah.

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Beautiful.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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And.

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Josh: Is that something that you enjoy?

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Or like, how do you, how

do you feel about that?

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Jessica: Yeah, I feel kind of mixed.

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You know, I think the academic system,

I have a lot of mixed feelings about.

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And, you know, I think a lot

of kids really struggle in it.

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Music: Yeah.

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Jessica: But I love,

love working with kids.

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So the one on one work just, I don't know.

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I, I just adore the littles.

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Josh: Oh, I can see you light up

even as you're talking about the

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Jessica: littles.

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Yeah.

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Josh: And I totally get that mixed

feelings about the educational system.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I have ADHD, so I, I

have a lived experience of

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the system really not serving.

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People who are neurodivergent.

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Josh: Totally.

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Totally.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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And scene.

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Josh: Awe.

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Jessica: Awe.

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Okay, dear listener, so I wonder

what you picked up on there.

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The skill that we are talking

about or we were demoing there

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is what we refer to as open.

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And that is asking Open ended, heart

opening questions, and sharing in kind.

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Okay.

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So, let's take that piece by piece.

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Open ended questions.

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These are questions that you can't

answer with just one or two words.

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How

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Josh: many siblings do you have?

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Three.

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Close ended question.

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Jessica: What's your favorite dog breed?

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Josh: Golden Retriever.

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Close ended question, right?

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It's got an answer.

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It's short.

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It doesn't have much room for

exploration or, uh, or nuance or depth.

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Jessica: Right.

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Open ended question.

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What drew you to becoming a dance teacher?

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I

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Josh: How do you feel

about the work that you do?

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Jessica: There are so many different

places somebody can go with that.

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We have an article we're going to link

you to, uh, about open ended, heart

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opening questions, and it includes the

36 questions that lead to love, which

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you might have come across at some

point, dear listener, and it's a set

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of questions that researchers, uh, used

in a lab to see if you can basically,

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um, facilitate deepening intimacy

in relationships through basically

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open ended, hard opening questions.

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Um, and it's fascinating.

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If you look it up, there's some really

great material out there about it.

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There were a couple of people in the

study who ended up getting married.

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Josh: Amazing.

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Jessica: So, but that, that article

will give you a lot of information.

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Uh, an in depth review of these,

as well as actual specific

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questions that you might ask.

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But let's go ahead and dive into

the heart opening part of these

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open ended, heart opening questions.

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Josh: Because you're listening, you

might be thinking to yourself right

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now, but wait, in the first example,

they asked some open ended questions,

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like, what did you do this weekend?

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Music: Mm hmm.

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Josh: It's an open ended question.

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Mm hmm.

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Did it lead to much heart opening, though?

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Jessica: No, I mean, I think we maybe

could have gotten there if I really

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dug into, you were by the water.

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It seemed like there was

something you really enjoyed.

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Why

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Josh: was that important to

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Jessica: Paul?

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Who knows?

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Who

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Josh: knows?

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We never asked.

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But yeah, like, we could have

asked follow up questions that

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might have gotten us there.

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Right.

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That, on its own, is not a very

heart opening question, and it's

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the kind of thing that we just

say in kind of small talk every

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day, like, how was your weekend?

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It was fine.

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And it almost is answered as a closed

ended question a lot of the time.

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Just kind of socially.

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Yeah.

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Jessica: Yeah, you said earlier the word

autopilot, which I think is really key

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to what we're trying to point out here.

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You really want to get into a

conversational flow that takes you

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out of, and the other person out of,

the, like, scripts that we're in day

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to day because those scripts tend to

actually disconnect us quite a bit.

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And on a date, the last

thing you want to feel

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Josh: is disconnected, right?

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Yeah.

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Jessica: Yeah.

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So what

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Josh: makes something a

heart opening question?

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Jessica: Yeah, I think of it as a

question that really tries to get

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at values, dreams, or feelings.

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So when I asked Paul, or when Petunia

asked Paul, what drew you to dance?

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That's really kind of like trying to

get at what is it that motivates you?

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Josh: Yeah, it's like a values

question, maybe a feelings question.

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Jessica: That's right.

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And maybe also a dream question,

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Music: right?

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Jessica: The Gottmans, who we reference

a fair amount on this show, have done

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a lot of research on really happy

couples and, and Wonderfully satisfied

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couples know one another's inner

worlds deeply, including their values,

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their emotions, and their dreams.

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So you are, in this skill, practicing,

basically building a very solid

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foundation for the long run from

maybe a first date, which is

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really where we want to get you to.

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Josh: Yep.

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Absolutely.

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Jessica: Yeah, and you asked me,

how do you feel about tutoring?

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Yeah.

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And so, that is also a

heart opening question.

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It's a very, obviously,

a feelings question.

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Josh: Yep.

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Jessica: Right?

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Josh: Straight up.

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Jessica: Now, I want you to notice, dear

listener, that Petunia shared vulnerably.

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Music: Yes.

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Jessica: In response.

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So, she could have taken, how do

you feel about tutoring, to a not

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particularly vulnerable place.

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You know, it pays the bills.

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Music: Right.

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Jessica: But instead, she chose to self

disclose that she has mixed feelings

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and also that she has a lived experience

that fuels her motivation for the

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work and her ambivalence about it.

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So that is another piece

of this open skill.

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You want to come in as much as

possible with an open heart, with a

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willingness to be more vulnerable than

you would be with Um, an acquaintance.

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This person is actually an acquaintance.

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Um, so it would be understandable

if that's kind of where you stayed.

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And That does tend to lead

to kind of stale dates.

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Music: Yes.

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Josh: Yeah, for sure.

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Yeah, and, you know, I'll just

say, see our pacing episode

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for more in depth information.

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You know, because it's not that you're

going to the first date, sharing every

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most vulnerable tender part of yourself,

you know, that would not be well paced.

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Right.

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Uh, but like you're saying, if we

aren't vulnerable at all, if we

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aren't willing to share in a way

that is a little, maybe a little bit.

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Edgier, a little bit more uncomfortable,

but still like appropriate to our context.

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If we don't do that, it's

a lot of boring dates.

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Jessica: That's a really important point.

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You know, you are pointing to, we

don't want a trauma dump on a date.

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And for my character, Petunia, naming

that she had ADHD and was really impacted

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by that was like Definitely beyond what

she would say to a normal acquaintance,

405

:

but she wasn't going into all of the

specific traumas related to that.

406

:

Here's what

407

:

Josh: happened to me around

ADHD when I was in school.

408

:

Right.

409

:

Here was the

410

:

Jessica: humiliation I

experienced and all of that.

411

:

Josh: Like you could imagine.

412

:

If these two people continue

dating a while, she might disclose

413

:

more of that at a later date.

414

:

But that was like, still a vulnerable

share, and it was something that she

415

:

could share without being so vulnerable

that she wasn't able to be present.

416

:

Jessica: Right.

417

:

Yeah.

418

:

Great point.

419

:

Beautiful.

420

:

So that is open.

421

:

Ask open ended, heart opening

questions and share in kind.

422

:

Josh: Beautiful.

423

:

Should we talk about listen?

424

:

Jessica: Listen.

425

:

So, our next skill probably

won't be super surprising.

426

:

We want you to listen

wholeheartedly to your date and

427

:

specifically actively listen.

428

:

So, we want to show that you're engaged

through your body language, your

429

:

sounds, and your verbal mirroring.

430

:

Now, you may remember mirroring

from our last episode.

431

:

We talked specifically about

physical mirroring in that episode.

432

:

Verbal mirroring is where You actually

take sounds or words that the other

433

:

person uses and you use them when

you're responding to the person.

434

:

So we're gonna go ahead and

demo this one for you and we

435

:

will start with what not to do.

436

:

Josh: Great.

437

:

Great.

438

:

So back with, uh, Paul and Petunia.

439

:

Mm

440

:

Jessica: hmm.

441

:

Josh: On their first date.

442

:

Mm hmm.

443

:

Jessica: You mentioned that you

really loved being down by the water.

444

:

Um, why?

445

:

I'm kidding.

446

:

Josh: Um, well, I, uh, yeah, it

just, it feels soothing to me.

447

:

I think when I'm a little anxious,

uh, there's something about the sound

448

:

of the water and watching it move

that, uh, helps me feel present and,

449

:

uh, kind of reconnect with myself.

450

:

Did

451

:

Jessica: you want to get a drink?

452

:

Josh: Uh, I think

453

:

Jessica: the waiter's coming over.

454

:

Oh.

455

:

Josh: Um, uh, no, I, I, I'm

still finishing this one.

456

:

I'm, I'm fine.

457

:

Uh, did, did you want something?

458

:

Jessica: Uh, no, no.

459

:

I, I'm good.

460

:

I'm good.

461

:

Cool.

462

:

And what kind of dance did you teach?

463

:

Josh: Um, I teach, um, swinging

and blues dancing, social

464

:

partner dancing, um, to waltzing.

465

:

Uh, yeah.

466

:

End scene.

467

:

So uncomfortable.

468

:

Oh God, what's happening?

469

:

Music: I

470

:

Josh: feel so disoriented.

471

:

Jessica: Yeah, I mean, say a little

bit more as Paul, like, what was your

472

:

experience and what were you noticing?

473

:

Josh: Yeah.

474

:

Well, I, as I think Paul was experiencing,

like, uh, I, I feel a little bit like

475

:

I'm being interviewed, number one.

476

:

It's kind of like this relatively rapid

fire series of questions coming my way.

477

:

And the questions don't really feel

like they're related to each other

478

:

or something that I just said.

479

:

I mean, the first one was a little

bit related to something that Paul

480

:

said earlier, but then it moved

on very quickly without responding

481

:

to anything that I had just said.

482

:

I felt a little bit like I

was being assessed or pulled

483

:

around in different directions.

484

:

And it was hard to feel like we're

building on something together.

485

:

It's more like, uh, we're over here.

486

:

Oh, we're over here.

487

:

Oh, we're over here.

488

:

Jessica: Yeah.

489

:

And you had shared something like a little

vulnerable about being near the water.

490

:

Josh: Yeah.

491

:

Jessica: And there was no acknowledgement

of that or kind of reception in

492

:

terms of, you know, that makes

sense to me and thanks for sharing.

493

:

Josh: Yeah.

494

:

I think Paul's, Paul's response

to that would be to Pull back.

495

:

Like, oh, I don't think this

person is really gonna be

496

:

receptive if I'm vulnerable.

497

:

Right.

498

:

So I think I'm just gonna kind of

resort back to my default, like,

499

:

pretense, kind of small talk.

500

:

Mm hmm.

501

:

Jessica: Yeah.

502

:

So not a, not a pleasant

experience overall.

503

:

No.

504

:

Josh: No.

505

:

Not my ideal.

506

:

Not my ideal first date.

507

:

Jessica: Yeah.

508

:

Okay, great.

509

:

You know, I would like to add also

that in this, um, what not to do,

510

:

what Petunia would have been doing

non verbally is she would have been

511

:

probably darting her eyes around a bit.

512

:

Yes.

513

:

She would have been noticing the waiter.

514

:

She would have not really been,

uh, focusing her attention on Paul.

515

:

Yes.

516

:

She might have also had,

uh, closed body language.

517

:

So her arms might have been crossed.

518

:

She might have been sort of leaning away.

519

:

And those would also be pretty strong

signals that she's not actually receiving.

520

:

Josh: Should we demo what to do?

521

:

Jessica: Yes, please let me redeem myself.

522

:

As a therapist that was painful.

523

:

Josh: Alright, so back

to Paul and Petunia.

524

:

Jessica: So you mentioned that you

really love being by the water.

525

:

Okay.

526

:

Tell me more.

527

:

What do you love about that?

528

:

Josh: Yeah, I, uh, you know, something

about the movement of the water

529

:

and the sound of the, the stream.

530

:

I just find it very soothing.

531

:

It's like, I was a little, feeling

a little anxious this weekend and,

532

:

uh, it's kind of like a, a place

that I can go to feel a little

533

:

bit nourished and restored and

534

:

Jessica: help

535

:

Josh: me be present.

536

:

Jessica: Yeah, I love that.

537

:

nourish and restore.

538

:

That's how I feel by the water too.

539

:

Music: Yeah.

540

:

Jessica: Yeah.

541

:

Just that sense of like, I don't know.

542

:

There's like a sense of being whole and

I really get that piece about, you know,

543

:

feeling anxious and then going into nature

and then suddenly just everything shifts.

544

:

Josh: Do you have a, uh, a

nature spot that brings you joy?

545

:

Jessica: I do.

546

:

I go on a hike usually once a week

up to an outlook near my home.

547

:

And there's this like beautiful Oak tree.

548

:

And I just sit under the oak

tree and I often feel like

549

:

I'm being like kind of held.

550

:

Josh: Oh, I love that.

551

:

That's so sweet.

552

:

I can picture it.

553

:

There's something that's so, so soothing

about really big trees like that.

554

:

I

555

:

Jessica: just like,

556

:

Josh: kind of can feel like, oh,

there's something that's so, uh, almost

557

:

transcendent, like bigger than us.

558

:

That's, we can tap into.

559

:

Jessica: Yeah, absolutely.

560

:

and Seen.

561

:

Yay!

562

:

Yay!

563

:

So much better.

564

:

Josh: Paul's like,

565

:

Jessica: Oh,

566

:

yeah.

567

:

What worked for Paul in that?

568

:

Josh: I mean, You were also demonstrating

the things that our listener can't

569

:

see, which are the non verbal cues.

570

:

You were making eye contact.

571

:

You were smiling warmly with me.

572

:

Things we talked about

in our first episode.

573

:

And then in particular, you were

demonstrating that you were not only

574

:

hearing what I'd said, but like connecting

it to yourself and relating it to

575

:

something that was meaningful to you.

576

:

And it felt like, oh, there

is, there is a connection.

577

:

Something that we're building upon here.

578

:

I can feel that you are with me.

579

:

Music: Yes.

580

:

Josh: Not just like on a content level,

but like on an emotional level as well.

581

:

Jessica: Mm hmm.

582

:

Yeah.

583

:

Beautiful.

584

:

Yeah, and same for Petunia.

585

:

One thing that you and I were doing

that we didn't do in the first go around

586

:

was we were using paraverbal language.

587

:

Right.

588

:

Paraverbal language are

those sounds like, mm, oh.

589

:

Mm hmm.

590

:

Music: Mm hmm.

591

:

Yeah.

592

:

Jessica: Yeah.

593

:

And they basically signal to the

other person, I'm with you still.

594

:

What you're saying is impacting me in

a positive way, uh, you're not alone,

595

:

and without necessarily interrupting.

596

:

Yeah.

597

:

And, verbal mirroring wise,

when Petunia responded, she

598

:

used a couple of the same words.

599

:

Yeah.

600

:

Oh, yes.

601

:

Comforting.

602

:

Nurturing, anxiety, um, and

in that was also paraphrasing.

603

:

Mm hmm.

604

:

So, I'm showing you that I'm really

listening by basically feeding back

605

:

to you a condensed version of what

you said and then adding to it.

606

:

Yeah.

607

:

Josh: Yeah, that's great.

608

:

Jessica: I think that a lot of

people go into dates wondering,

609

:

what am I going to talk about?

610

:

And I would really encourage

you, dear listener, to consider,

611

:

how well am I listening?

612

:

Yeah.

613

:

Talking is also part of it.

614

:

We do want you, as we said, to

be sharing, ideally, vulnerably,

615

:

where it's appropriate.

616

:

Um, it does need to be Pretty, like,

it doesn't need to be perfect, but

617

:

like, about 50 50 in terms of sharing.

618

:

And I think that a lot of people

can set down the anxiety about not

619

:

having interesting things to say.

620

:

Because when you're really tuned into

the other person, and you are able

621

:

to use some of these active listening

skills, they're, they are fascinating.

622

:

Most human beings are fascinating.

623

:

Like how I said most.

624

:

It's interesting.

625

:

Well,

626

:

Josh: it's interesting because

I think the truth is all human

627

:

beings are fascinating to someone.

628

:

To

629

:

Jessica: someone.

630

:

Josh: And, you know, because

we've all been on dates that

631

:

just aren't the right fit for us.

632

:

And it's maybe harder to find

those people fascinating.

633

:

It doesn't mean they're

not fascinating humans.

634

:

It's just maybe they're not

the right person for us.

635

:

Jessica: Right.

636

:

And, I think my point there is like, if

you listen closely enough, you're gonna

637

:

find something that's really interesting.

638

:

And then you don't have to worry

about manufacturing something that

639

:

is entertaining for the other person.

640

:

Right.

641

:

Because, I mean, that is a dynamic

you do not want to set yourself

642

:

up for for the rest of your life.

643

:

Oh, God.

644

:

Josh: I need to entertain my brain.

645

:

Yeah.

646

:

Yeah.

647

:

Great.

648

:

So, let's listen.

649

:

Listen.

650

:

Listen.

651

:

Jessica: That's listen.

652

:

Our next skill is linger.

653

:

And this one is where you are

doing your best to avoid asking one

654

:

question immediately after the other.

655

:

If your date really seems engaged in

a topic, you want to linger there.

656

:

In addition, you can use silences to

linger in your desire for your date.

657

:

So, let's go, let's go through those

two different pieces one by one.

658

:

So this is kind of a two parter.

659

:

You probably remember from the first

demo that we did, the hopping from

660

:

question to question to question.

661

:

Josh: Where do you work?

662

:

And how many siblings do you have?

663

:

And what did you do this weekend?

664

:

Jessica: Right, and it does have this

experience of we're not really able

665

:

to get the kind of get any shared

ground or rest together or go deep.

666

:

A lot of people complain in dates

that they feel like they're being

667

:

interrogated or interviewed.

668

:

Music: Yeah.

669

:

Jessica: And so instead of hopping from

one question to the next, really sticking

670

:

with Any topic where it seems like there's

still some energy to talk about it.

671

:

Mm hmm.

672

:

Shall we demo that?

673

:

Josh: Let's demo that.

674

:

This is the good version, right?

675

:

Jessica: Yeah.

676

:

Let's, let's do the good version.

677

:

Josh: We've demoed the

bad version already.

678

:

Jessica: That's right.

679

:

So you have, you know, made dance

a huge part of your life, and I'm

680

:

wondering, does creativity play a

big part in your life in general?

681

:

Josh: Yeah, I, I, I am

hesitating a little bit.

682

:

I think the true answer is yes.

683

:

And I think sometimes I get a little

anxious about, uh, claiming to be

684

:

like super creative or, you know,

I, uh, certainly dance feels like

685

:

a beautiful creative outlet for me.

686

:

Uh, and I also love playing music,

687

:

Music: uh,

688

:

Josh: which is not something

I do professionally.

689

:

It's just, just for fun.

690

:

Um, but yeah, it feels like a very, I

think that, that one in particular feels

691

:

like a very sweet way to just express

things that are on my heart or like

692

:

process something that I'm going through.

693

:

Um,

694

:

Jessica: yeah.

695

:

Hmm.

696

:

Yeah.

697

:

And I have so many questions.

698

:

What what kind of music do you play?

699

:

Josh: So how would I describe it?

700

:

Um, it's kind of like.

701

:

You know, a little singer songwriter

y, but a little bit, like, with

702

:

some kind of Motown soul influence,

uh, I really like things that,

703

:

like, are groovy, have a good beat.

704

:

I mean, that probably makes sense

since I'm a dance teacher, you know,

705

:

like, something that makes me want to

706

:

Jessica: move.

707

:

Mmm, yeah, sounds really enjoyable.

708

:

I, I, I would love to hear some sometime.

709

:

No pressure.

710

:

Josh: Oh, well, it'd be

fun to share with you.

711

:

Jessica: Yeah.

712

:

What was, like, the last thing

that you expressed through music?

713

:

Josh: Mm.

714

:

Um, I mean, uh, to be honest, it was

a song processing my last breakup.

715

:

Music: Mm hmm.

716

:

Josh: You know, which, uh, which was hard.

717

:

It was a hard breakup, and, uh, but

yeah, it felt, it felt sweet to have,

718

:

you know, A song I'm pretty proud

of came out of it that felt like a

719

:

way of kind of being complete and

letting go of that relationship.

720

:

Jessica: Yeah.

721

:

Yeah, music can be, or just

creating things in general can

722

:

be such a great way to grieve.

723

:

Josh: Yeah.

724

:

Jessica: Yeah.

725

:

And scene.

726

:

Josh: Beautiful.

727

:

Beautiful.

728

:

I love the way that Petunia

stayed with that topic.

729

:

Jessica: Yeah.

730

:

Josh: It felt like, it felt juicy.

731

:

It felt like, oh, we're kind of

exploring something more deeply

732

:

where maybe you're maybe asking some

questions that made Paul feel a little

733

:

bit vulnerable in a good way, right?

734

:

And like, oh, this is maybe something

I haven't shared As much with people

735

:

or don't necessarily talk about all

that often, but the fact that Petunia

736

:

was staying with Paul brought that out.

737

:

Jessica: Yes.

738

:

Josh: Which is great.

739

:

Jessica: Yeah, I mean, I think

this was a really interesting one.

740

:

I loved that you shared or

that Paul shared the anxiety.

741

:

up top because Petunia very easily could

have heard that and been like, well, I

742

:

should definitely change the subject.

743

:

Music: Right.

744

:

Jessica: And what I was picking up as

Petunia was when you said, I also play

745

:

music, there was a very like kind of

slight micro expression and increase in

746

:

energy that told me that there's more

there that you are Or that Paul was

747

:

not entirely being transparent about,

but that there was some joy there.

748

:

Music: Yeah.

749

:

Yeah.

750

:

Well, Petunia is sharp.

751

:

Jessica: Yeah.

752

:

Yeah.

753

:

So I think that this is one skill it's

worth noting that Well, you know, we're

754

:

going to talk about neurodivergent skills

in our fourth episode in this series.

755

:

And I do think that linger,

as well as open, we might even

756

:

consider them to some degree

neurodivergent skills for this reason.

757

:

Neurotypical people often.

758

:

Cycle through a lot of topics

and eventually get to the

759

:

depths, but some don't.

760

:

Some stay on the surface.

761

:

Two HSPs, like you and I, like Paul and

Petunia, I'm guessing, they're going

762

:

to want to go deep pretty quickly.

763

:

So, just to name a few.

764

:

You know, I am biased as an HSP

that getting into the depths is

765

:

helpful and some people are not

going to be as Comfortable with that.

766

:

Music: Right.

767

:

Jessica: So it is really good to notice

when and if you do try to linger go

768

:

deeper How does the other person respond

if they would seem to want to stay?

769

:

In the shallows.

770

:

There's nothing wrong with that.

771

:

And it is good to attune to that.

772

:

Josh: Right.

773

:

Rather than like, continuing to

ask piercing, deep questions that

774

:

they're like, Uh, uh, it's fine.

775

:

Jessica: Like,

776

:

Josh: how do you feel

about your upbringing?

777

:

What's your relationship

with your mother like?

778

:

It's great.

779

:

Uh, so, do you want a drink?

780

:

Jessica: Yup.

781

:

Yeah.

782

:

Yeah.

783

:

Exactly.

784

:

Tune in to those signals.

785

:

It's like with the eye contact that

we went over in the last episode.

786

:

Match, and if you'd like more

intimacy, go a step further, you know,

787

:

ask a deeper question, but notice,

notice their, their cues if you can.

788

:

Josh: So that was the first part of

Linger, which is kind of staying with

789

:

a topic, allowing there to be a little

bit more exploration, some more depth,

790

:

and then the second part of Linger.

791

:

Jessica: The second part of

Linger is to really use silences.

792

:

To connect to your desire for

your date and potentially even

793

:

communicate that non verbally.

794

:

So this came out of us working

with a lot of singles who

795

:

talked about awkward silences.

796

:

And so this is one way that we like

to reframe and reclaim silences.

797

:

So if you can, and sometimes anxiety

makes this hard, but if you can,

798

:

instead of, um, coming to a silence and

moving quickly into another question

799

:

or to wondering how they're perceiving

you, can you take a nice deep breath?

800

:

Maybe hold eye contact with

the person across from you.

801

:

Notice if there's desire in

your body for that person.

802

:

Allow that desire to Maybe reach your

face in terms of a smoldering look

803

:

or a smile, whatever it is for you.

804

:

Um, and in that way, that's a really

great way to build some sexual tension.

805

:

Yeah.

806

:

Rather than, again, filling the silence

is such that everybody leaves feeling

807

:

kind of like, I mean, they're nice.

808

:

Josh: Right.

809

:

Oh, yeah.

810

:

Jessica: I've

811

:

Josh: been on that date.

812

:

Jessica: Yeah.

813

:

Josh: Yeah.

814

:

I'm sure there have been other people

who've been on that date with me

815

:

that are like, I mean, he was nice.

816

:

Yeah.

817

:

Jessica: Yeah.

818

:

Exactly.

819

:

Josh: Yeah.

820

:

I, I love this.

821

:

There's something about it also that just

like allows the conversation to breathe.

822

:

Music: Yeah.

823

:

Josh: In this way, that doesn't

happen if we're feeling every silence

824

:

asking question upon question.

825

:

That Yeah.

826

:

Allows room for that desire to kindle to,

for that connection to deepen, like to.

827

:

Express non verbally your interest

and feel maybe their interest

828

:

back if they're interested.

829

:

I feel like linger is one of the

skills that maybe is most often needed

830

:

to help people build attraction.

831

:

Music: Mm hmm.

832

:

Josh: And so if that's what

you're struggling with, this

833

:

might be a good one to practice.

834

:

Jessica: Yeah, absolutely.

835

:

I agree.

836

:

Josh: We've got one skill left.

837

:

Jessica: Yes, we do.

838

:

And it's yes and.

839

:

To improv nerds.

840

:

Josh: Alright, should we demo

this and then we'll talk about it?

841

:

Jessica: Sounds great.

842

:

And we will first demo what not to do.

843

:

Josh: Yeah,

844

:

Jessica: this has been so fun

to talk while we're having tea,

845

:

I would love to go for a walk.

846

:

Do you want to?

847

:

Maybe, can I get, move

around a little bit?

848

:

Um,

849

:

Josh: I think I, I think I

want to stay here a little.

850

:

I don't really like walking all that much.

851

:

It's just kind of,

852

:

Jessica: that's

853

:

Josh: not really my thing.

854

:

Jessica: Okay, no worries.

855

:

Yeah, we can, we can hang.

856

:

Josh: Cool.

857

:

Jessica: Cool.

858

:

Josh: Uh, do you want to get more tea?

859

:

Jessica: Um, no, I'm okay.

860

:

I'm okay.

861

:

I wasn't actually that into the tea here.

862

:

Oh.

863

:

Josh: Cool.

864

:

Okay.

865

:

Um, well, uh, what are

you up to this weekend?

866

:

Jessica: Not a lot.

867

:

Um, yeah, just hanging

out with my dog again.

868

:

Cool.

869

:

Josh: Great.

870

:

Great.

871

:

Great.

872

:

Sounds like fun.

873

:

Jessica: Yeah, it'll be okay.

874

:

Cool.

875

:

and scene stop.

876

:

Josh: Oh gosh.

877

:

Okay.

878

:

Jessica: Shall we demo the alternative?

879

:

Josh: The alternative?

880

:

Yes, please.

881

:

Jessica: Paul.

882

:

It's been really fun to have

tea and I'm like so caffeinated.

883

:

I would love a walk.

884

:

Do you wanna go walk in the,

there's a park close by.

885

:

Josh: Yeah.

886

:

I love that.

887

:

That sounds great.

888

:

I, um, maybe we can.

889

:

I know there's a great ice

cream place along the way, on

890

:

the other side of the park.

891

:

We're gonna stop there after we've

done some laps to kind of, uh,

892

:

you know, build up our appetite.

893

:

Jessica: That sounds really good.

894

:

I have been obsessed recently with

mint chocolate chip ice cream.

895

:

Oh my god, yes.

896

:

I know it's a contested flavor.

897

:

But.

898

:

Josh: You will find no contest here.

899

:

Though I will say, mint chocolate cookie.

900

:

Yeah, that's, that's, that, if, if you're

going for mint ice cream in my, in my

901

:

book, that's like the one to go for.

902

:

Though mint chocolate

chip is also wonderful.

903

:

Jessica: No, no, that's fair.

904

:

Like if you're going to have chocolate,

why not, why not have chocolate cookie?

905

:

Josh: Yeah.

906

:

Yeah.

907

:

Oh, good.

908

:

Jessica: Oh, good.

909

:

End scene.

910

:

Josh: These two are so cute together.

911

:

Lord.

912

:

Jessica: Okay.

913

:

So, yes, and, dear listener,

it comes from improv.

914

:

You may have heard it before.

915

:

It is the golden rule of improv, and it is

essentially when you have a scene partner

916

:

that you're working with and they make an

offer, they're making something up about

917

:

the scene, you say yes to it, you accept

the offer, and then you build on it.

918

:

Okay.

919

:

So if, for example, if we're, Josh

and I are doing a scene, Josh,

920

:

go ahead and give me an offer.

921

:

Josh: Uh, would you like to,

uh, bounce on my bouncy ball?

922

:

What's in eyesight right now?

923

:

We have a large yoga

ball sitting over there.

924

:

Jessica: Uh huh.

925

:

Josh: Good defense, good defense.

926

:

Jessica: I would love to bounce on

the bouncy ball, and you know what?

927

:

I'm going to bounce so high

I'm going to get to space.

928

:

Josh: Whoa!

929

:

Jessica: Yeah.

930

:

Okay, so that is the yes and response.

931

:

Now the no response, go ahead

and give me the offer again.

932

:

Josh: Would you like to

bounce on my bouncy ball?

933

:

Jessica: No.

934

:

There's no ball there.

935

:

Josh: Oh, oh, my mistake.

936

:

Jessica: So as you can feel,

the scene just goes flat versus

937

:

we're building a world together.

938

:

Same principle on the date where

it is okay for your boundaries and

939

:

needs if you can enthusiastically

say yes to what the other person's

940

:

offering and then build on it.

941

:

So yeah, I would love to go on a

walk and there's an ice cream place.

942

:

That gives the connection a sense of Co

creativity, movement, enthusiasm, rather

943

:

than the first set of interactions.

944

:

What was your experience of those, Josh?

945

:

It was so

946

:

Josh: painful.

947

:

It

948

:

Jessica: was so

949

:

Josh: painful.

950

:

I mean, talk about awkward silences.

951

:

There was no lingering there.

952

:

There was no building upon.

953

:

It was like, Paul was like, no.

954

:

And you know, to be fair, it was probably

not a very attuned suggestion, do you want

955

:

to get more tea after we've just had tea?

956

:

But nevertheless, it was still

like, wah, wah, on both sides.

957

:

Jessica: Yeah, and I want to be really

clear here, when we advocate yes and,

958

:

we are not advocating that you cross

your own boundaries or you self abandon.

959

:

Nope.

960

:

Um, and there is a way to decline

an offer in a way that, that accepts

961

:

the bid for connection on some level.

962

:

Josh: Do you want to demo that?

963

:

Jessica: Let's do it.

964

:

Josh: Uh, so Petunia, would you

like to, I'd love to go for a walk,

965

:

and do you want to get ice cream

while we're, while we're going?

966

:

Jessica: Oh, I love that

you're offering that.

967

:

I, I'm lactose intolerant, and as

much as I would really love that, um,

968

:

I, I shouldn't, I really shouldn't.

969

:

Yeah, totally.

970

:

And, like, let's go together,

you get some ice cream, and

971

:

maybe they'll have other treats.

972

:

Let's go.

973

:

Josh: Okay, great.

974

:

Well, if that works for you, totally fine.

975

:

And also, I'm happy to not get ice cream.

976

:

I would just be delighted to

walk around with you as well.

977

:

Jessica: So, in that example, Petunia

physically shouldn't, can't say yes.

978

:

And yet she, A, affirmed that, you

know, Paul was even offering it.

979

:

And B, offered an alternative.

980

:

So, yeah, she was basically a yes to

connecting further and co creating,

981

:

even if she was a no to the specific.

982

:

Josh: I've heard this referred

to as no and sometimes.

983

:

Mm

984

:

Jessica: hmm.

985

:

Mm hmm.

986

:

Josh: Where it's like, yeah, you're

not interested in that, but you're

987

:

going to offer something else because

you are interested in connection.

988

:

Jessica: Yes.

989

:

And you might be able to see, dear

listener, that this also is Um,

990

:

sets you up well for conversations

around consent and touch.

991

:

No, I'm not ready for a kiss yet.

992

:

And I would love a hug.

993

:

Josh: Yeah.

994

:

Beautiful.

995

:

And it's, it's, uh, this

is such a good skill.

996

:

I just wish everybody had this skill

because it, it, it allows for a

997

:

possibility for connection to flourish

that is authentic to both people, right?

998

:

You're, you're finding the, you're, you're

co creating, like you were saying earlier

999

:

in the scene, like we're co creating a

scene together, we're co creating what's

:

00:43:55,079 --> 00:43:59,550

happening in our, in our interaction in

this moment, in our relationship together.

:

00:44:00,290 --> 00:44:01,030

Authentically, right?

:

00:44:01,030 --> 00:44:03,500

I'm not saying yes to something

that I can't do or don't want to do.

:

00:44:04,030 --> 00:44:05,940

So we're finding that middle ground

where it's like, yeah, this is something

:

00:44:05,940 --> 00:44:06,970

that really works for both of us.

:

00:44:07,460 --> 00:44:08,070

That's so good.

:

00:44:08,110 --> 00:44:10,109

That's, I mean, that's like, it's

one of the skills that's at the

:

00:44:10,109 --> 00:44:11,320

heart of great relationships.

:

00:44:11,350 --> 00:44:13,110

Jessica: Yes, absolutely.

:

00:44:14,149 --> 00:44:14,549

And,

:

00:44:20,755 --> 00:44:22,725

It's something I love

about our relationship.

:

00:44:22,725 --> 00:44:23,565

I will say that.

:

00:44:23,645 --> 00:44:28,734

And it's something that I noticed about

you early on that we could co create

:

00:44:28,744 --> 00:44:31,304

in that way that felt so generative.

:

00:44:31,345 --> 00:44:35,005

I, you've probably been on one of these

dates and dear listener, you may have

:

00:44:35,005 --> 00:44:39,515

as well, where you're like showing

up with enthusiasm and offers and the

:

00:44:39,515 --> 00:44:42,554

other person's just kind of like, No.

:

00:44:42,555 --> 00:44:43,255

No.

:

00:44:43,325 --> 00:44:43,635

No.

:

00:44:43,825 --> 00:44:44,685

No.

:

00:44:46,175 --> 00:44:51,765

I just feel like, I feel like one of

those like gas station, like air dolls,

:

00:44:51,975 --> 00:44:54,104

you know, that like slowly loses air.

:

00:44:58,584 --> 00:44:58,914

Josh: Yeah.

:

00:44:59,834 --> 00:45:00,194

Beautiful.

:

00:45:00,205 --> 00:45:02,190

So that, That was a yes and.

:

00:45:02,580 --> 00:45:06,040

And, uh, let's get a little,

a little, a little wrap up.

:

00:45:06,220 --> 00:45:07,830

little summary.

:

00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:09,129

A little summary here.

:

00:45:10,140 --> 00:45:12,919

So, for our, our dating skills for

today, for Juicy Conversations,

:

00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:13,819

we started with sense.

:

00:45:14,350 --> 00:45:17,130

It's all about turning into your

five senses, as well as sensing

:

00:45:17,130 --> 00:45:21,040

into your desire, uh, or lack

thereof, for the person you're with.

:

00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:26,950

Number two is open, all about asking

open ended, heart opening questions

:

00:45:26,969 --> 00:45:28,720

and sharing vulnerably and kind.

:

00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,710

Number three is all about listening,

active listening in particular.

:

00:45:33,915 --> 00:45:37,765

Four is linger, which is about

both lingering on a topic, perhaps,

:

00:45:37,765 --> 00:45:41,965

and also lingering in the silences

and in your desire for your date.

:

00:45:42,895 --> 00:45:47,485

And number five was yes and, borrowing

from improv, saying yes to bids for

:

00:45:47,485 --> 00:45:49,644

connection and building upon them.

:

00:45:50,354 --> 00:45:50,724

Jessica: Beautiful.

:

00:45:51,645 --> 00:45:55,314

Josh: Coming up in our next episode,

a little sneak preview here, Dating

:

00:45:55,334 --> 00:46:01,595

Skills Series Episode Three, will

be all about building intimacy.

:

00:46:03,130 --> 00:46:05,640

So, good stuff coming up in

that episode, stay tuned.

:

00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:08,210

That's all for today.

:

00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:11,119

You can find the show notes with links

to all the resources we mentioned in

:

00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,960

this episode at relationshipcenter.

:

00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:14,360

com slash podcast.

:

00:46:14,740 --> 00:46:17,620

Jessica: And if you have a

question or comment, email us at

:

00:46:17,620 --> 00:46:19,309

podcast at relationshipcenter.

:

00:46:19,350 --> 00:46:19,730

com.

:

00:46:20,109 --> 00:46:21,310

We love hearing from you.

:

00:46:21,900 --> 00:46:23,970

Josh: If you'd like to work with

one of the talented clinicians on

:

00:46:23,970 --> 00:46:25,940

our team, go to RelationshipCenter.

:

00:46:25,940 --> 00:46:28,570

com to apply for a free

30 minute consultation.

:

00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:31,900

Jessica: You can also sign up

for a monthly email of our best

:

00:46:31,910 --> 00:46:33,600

content at RelationshipCenter.

:

00:46:33,630 --> 00:46:35,039

com slash newsletter.

:

00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,049

Josh: And if something in

this episode touched you, will

:

00:46:37,050 --> 00:46:37,959

you share it with a friend?

:

00:46:38,050 --> 00:46:40,210

That helps us reach more

sweet humans like you.

:

00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,830

Jessica: Lastly, we'd love it if

you'd leave us a rating and review

:

00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,530

wherever you listen to podcasts.

:

00:46:45,590 --> 00:46:49,350

And be sure to hit subscribe while you're

there so you never miss an episode.

:

00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:50,520

Josh: Until next time.

:

00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:51,600

We love you too.

:

00:46:52,285 --> 00:46:52,505

Bye.

:

00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:08,160

Jessica: Also, I wonder if our

dear listener can hear our cat.

:

00:47:08,310 --> 00:47:08,940

Josh: Oh, is she snoring?

:

00:47:09,030 --> 00:47:09,930

Jessica: I think she's snoring.

:

00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:11,880

Oh, I hate to wake you up Neshi, but

:

00:47:13,890 --> 00:47:16,320

and her whiskers are going crazy.

:

00:47:16,830 --> 00:47:17,545

Oh, she's the cutest

:

00:47:20,965 --> 00:47:21,185

Oh.

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