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Help them Rise in their Strengths with Jessica Bundy
Episode 143rd November 2021 • The 6570 Family Project • Nellie Harden
00:00:00 00:40:08

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Jessica is a loving, giving, hilarious human and I can’t wait for you to listen to her. While still in her 20’s she offers insight and wisdom that will move you to immediate action, warm your heart and invigorate your mind. She has worked with kids of all ages from around the world and traveled with a group of men and women for a year while navigating personalities, relying on one another, and growing in a way you only can in that kind of experience. She is a teacher and business owner and someone you will love immediately.

About the Guest:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessbundyphotography/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jessbundyphotography

Website: jessbundyphotography.com

About Jess:

Hey! My name is Jess! I love lighthouses and Christmas Lights. I live in messy buns and an old pair of pearl earrings. Summer is my favorite time of year and I am always down to go to Target! (Anyone else come out of that store with so many extras?!?)North Carolina will always be my favorite place. I love whipped cream, corner brownies, and strawberry ice cream. I am a teacher and I love kids! Please show me your favorite meme when we meet! I can't wait to learn about you as we work together!

I want to give you, your family, and your sweetie, a great experience at your session! I deliver bright, colorful, and warm images and I hope to see you soon! I shoot all over North Carolina, so let's start D R E A M I N G about your session!

About the Host:

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family LifeCoach& Mentor. 

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world.

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™& Leadership Into their homes, set their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. ) 

LINKS:

Family Success Vault-https://www.nellieharden.com/vault

Website-https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community-https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram-https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/

Facebook-https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

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Transcripts

Nellie Harden:

Hello, everyone. I am so excited for today's guest, Jessica Bundy, she is not only one of my very closest friends in the world, but she is stack full of wisdom that she is going to share with you guys. And you know what? She doesn't even have kids yet, but you're probably like, I don't get it. Well, I thought this was about parenting. And it is. But you guys, this woman is amazing. She has traveled the world invested in at least 11 cultures 12 Actually, that I know of, through language barriers and just using compassion as a language working with kids around the world. She was a teacher for several years, doing ESL teaching in lower income schools. She has started her own thriving business and she is about to start another just truly an amazing, spectacular human. I can't wait for you to meet her and hear her transparency on how she grew up what she learned along the way, what she is seeing out in the workforce with the younger crowd today. And how all of us can reach into our own families, and how we can help our own kids rise up to be leaders of themselves. I can't wait to get started. Let's go. Hello, and welcome to the 6570 family project podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the family and individuals of the world. My name is Nelly Hardin, big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front porch mama who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570 family project. Let's go Hey, everyone, we are back with the 6570 family project podcast. And I have a very special guest here today. It is just Bundy. And I couldn't be more excited to have everyone be introduced to her today. And she knows a lot of people. She is huge in her world. But she doesn't know many people in this world yet. And so I've already told you a little bit about her. But just first of all welcome and incredible, I would just tell us a little bit about yourself.

Jessica Bundy:

Thank you. Yes, I would love to introduce myself. Hi, everyone. My name is Jess, I have the privilege of knowing the hardened family and have gotten to know them a lot over the last few years. And see their girls grow up a little bit, which has been a real treat for me. I was a teacher, I was a missionary for a while I run my own business. And I recently made the jump to corporate America. So I've been a lot of things to a lot of people I think but I've learned a lot about myself in the process. So I'm excited to talk today.

Nellie Harden:

Yes. So I think you can see maybe why I have her I have her on here just as a very, very, very close friend. Family really, to us. And she is much younger than I although we're mentally and emotionally the same age but totally you know, chronologically, I suppose she is much younger than I am. But we are so my husband and I are both so drawn to Jess, we always have been we were instant best friends I feel like and it really is because I've always seem just as a leader, always from the very beginning, even when she probably would not have agreed with me that she was a leader. We saw just as a leader in every capacity that she was showing up in. And besides the fact she is so fun, and to be around. And I don't know if I laughed so much as when we are around just but because you've been around and done so much and we will definitely get into those as we're going along. And you're still leader minded. I want to know did you have those things like, like, cemented in you when you were growing up? Did you collect them along the way? Where did this hunger and interest come along to? I'm going to do this and I'm going to find a way and I'm going to go do it. Okay, well Now I want to do this. I'm going to go go ahead and do that. Now. Where did that come from? For you?

Unknown:

Yeah, I? That's a great question. So I think that as you get to know your kids, and as they grow up, they show you who they are. And at the beginning, that might be a lot like a wrecking ball. But I think that one of the best things parents can do is show kids how to own who they are. So for me, I have always been very curious. I've always been somebody who wants to try a lot of things I like to learn. I like to try new things. But when I was a kid, that that came off sometimes as like impulsivity, or like a little ADHD, so when you like, look at your kids, I think that they show you who they are, it's just a matter of like, are you going to teach them to own who they are, and walk in that in like, a really powerful and responsible way, or just be a victim to it. So I think that that's something that like people have given me in my life, but I've also had to take responsibility for and learn how I operate who I am, what's important to me and live in those aspects of my life. So both I would say,

Nellie Harden:

yeah, yeah, I think that is that's so true and true to who you are. And I find it amazing, probably, mostly, because when I was your age, I did not know I mean, we have what 1516 I don't know, something odd years separating us. But, um, when I was in my 20s, I was definitely in survival mode. I was shooting out babies every like year, I felt like and I, you know, as newlywed and I was still very much living as, like I used to say before, before 2010, really before everything went down with my husband's heart, and he went into cardiac failure. And then I had to rise up and I really had to come to the forefront. And then I started my own business in 2012. But before that, I was really just known as Brian's wife, you know? Not because I was being demeaned or put down or anything like that. I just was like, this shadow looks super comfy. So I'm gonna stay here and go make my home here. Yeah, I was super happy. They're like, well, our Yep, sounds good. And that was my introvert side totally dominating me. So I love what you said, is, discover who your kids are, and help them live in there live that way in a big way and responsibly, because I was a super introvert, but then I, you know, I was comfortable in that way. And it took something pretty like, earth shattering for me to get me out of that mode. And then I started really, you know, living life and discovering so much more about my potential and what I had inside of me and my gifts and talents that I was just like, super happy to hide before. So love that and really getting to know your kids and who they are, and what their potentials are and honing them into being the best version of themselves. So cool. All right, well, in the 6570, which, of course is the that's how many days are in 18 years, that is our training zone, if you will, as parents in this parenthood childhood dynamic of the 6570. We talk a lot about in this project, the one thing being self led discipline and leadership. So Jim Rohn, who I absolutely love, I've done a lot of studying under him over the years. Of course, he's passed away now, but all of his work is still out there. But anyway, his definition of discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. And I really see that as what if you want to put that into context of self led discipline, then that is the person and I, me and you are my kids, you don't have kids yet. But everyone, really making a goal, walking the bridge, have that discipline and then coming to an accomplishment on the other side. And sometimes that accomplishment is failure, which is still an accomplishment because you've moved and you've done something. And so in all of the stuff that you've done, you you need to be a leader, whether that's just a leader of yourself, what you've done before, or you've led other people, which you've done before as well and all of your world travels and things and where you are now and so whether no matter where you were in life, how in what ways have you purposely built in this self led discipline into your life and really kind of honed that skill?

Unknown:

So I think that you can't lead anyone else until you can lead yourself. So, of course, when we're talking about this self led discipline aspect of things, even you, as a parent, you can't lead your kids, if you can't lead yourself, right, you can't give someone something you don't know, in your heart not know in your head, like, you know, in your heart, you've lived it out, you have experienced the highs and lows of it all. And there's no way you can lead other people, if you weren't leading yourself, which I think a lot of people try to jump to that they're like, Yes, I'm ready to lead a team, I'm like, you are not ready to leave.

Unknown:

And obviously, I don't say like that. But ways that I have incorporated self discipline into my life is, number one being really self aware, that has helped. Because if you don't know your weaknesses, you don't know where you're going to need extra help. So I have worked on self awareness a lot, since I was like 17, realized I was totally on self aware, that's when I started working on it. And it's a process to like, it's not done in one day, you just this is a path that you go down for the rest of your life from the moment you realize you need to go down it, and then it never ends. There really is no ending. But I get self awareness. I outsource the places in my life that I have tried to manage on my own and have consistently not managed well. So for me that looks like dieting, sometimes. I'm like, anything that requires a lot of details done in small amounts over time. For some reason, I just can't do it like budgeting that's one of those things, dieting, that's one of those things, sticking to a bedtime, that is also one of those things. So because of that I number starting with the self awareness, you learn what those things are for you. And then you start building and support systems on those things. There's no shame in that at all. For me, that looks like a meal kit that's planned out in portion for me when I'm busy. In busy seasons, I'm like, if I try to do this, I'm not going to do it well. So let me let someone help me. That's a big part of it. A meal kit, a financial planner, and I got one of those hatch clocks that like lights up was trying to get up and then it like, you can portion out what you're like bedtime is and your reading time and stuff. So for me, I have to add things into the holes where I know my weaknesses are, which is really great. I read this book a couple of years ago called Four Hour Workweek, I think this quote is from that book, it might not be but I'm gonna give him credit. And it was basically talking about this thing where in your life, you have all these strengths and weaknesses. And a lot of people talk about spending time getting better at your weaknesses. But that's not a great use of time. And I was honestly, so fried when I heard that because I've spent my whole life number one trying to be a morning person and number two trying to be a runner. And I have failed every single new year's resolution cycle I fail. And I'm like, so frustrated at myself. And then I like feel this like shame and judgment towards myself. Because why can I do this? Right? Why can I get this together, you know, trying to just stronger myself into being a different person, basically. But that's what I'm talking about self awareness, you have to learn that like, Okay, I'm actually not a morning person, and then accept that. And building the support for that. That's where I'm at in life right now. And it is so freeing and amazing. But back to this quote. So he said, Don't worry about making your weaknesses stronger, strengthen your strengths, which I think is amazing. Because really in life, the people who are known for things and are famous for things, those are not the weaknesses they've been working on since they were two in most cases, obviously, you know, there's like stories of like, veterans who they go on these amazing triathlons after an injury. And that's incredible. And that's amazing. And we love that kind of like courage. And it's really inspiring, but us as ordinary people in life, your strength that's already your like Maverick zone. So whatever that is for you. That's where you need to pour on the resources that you already have the cake, just add the icing, we don't need to spend all of our time learning how to make a really good exercise plan or learning how to be really good at budgeting. If you're bad, those pay someone to help you with those. Because even if you spend the next 30 years trying to be good at that, most likely someone who's already good at that is still going to be better than you. So the way that this comes about with your kids is don't try to make them somebody that they're not. I think that that really is huge. Because I mean, obviously like, especially being a girl that happened to me as a kid sometimes and not necessarily if my parents just like people in our community or whatever they would say like, oh, you need to be more like this way that you're not than you are and you're just like okay, well that's kind of defeating because you're not acknowledging anyone My strengths. And you just want me to be a different person basically, that it really lacks a lot of awareness and a lot of acceptance. So we know that obviously, your kids too, they need to feel accepted before they can thrive. And in that same space, like you can honor just like you're doing yourself. So starting with yourself, explore this with yourself. And then you can pass that along to your kids and let them really understand, like, this is something I'm really good at. And maybe this is something I'm not, if I'm not really good at honoring my homework time, I'm gonna sit down with my parents. And obviously, this is a very grown up conversation, you work up to this, this is not something you try to do next Thursday, you know,

Unknown:

but you work up to this, and you really like, let them explore their strengths, let them live in those, spend money on those, if they're great at dance, send them to a good ballet teacher, like really show them you're honoring them in that way. And then, as they see that they are good at things, they're celebrated for things like they are valued for, like who they are, and not just what they can do, but like you are good at this, this is something that's built into you, it's who you are, and we're gonna let you like be the man, that's your Maverick zone, you can be the maverick in that area, we're gonna like put you in the ring. Go ahead, be who you are, you know, it's so free. And then, you know, after they've been living in that for a while and after you, yourself have been living in that for a while, say, Okay, so here's what we're not that good at, you know, I've tried to stronger myself to be better at this, but it's not really working. So what little things can I start doing, and they can be a big investment of money, or they can be really small, like my hatch clock, that's a very small investment of money, but it helps me a lot. And, you know, you can invite the kids to come up with those solutions to like, if I'm really bad, honoring my homework time, maybe I get a hash call for my homework done. And it is a bright yellow light the whole time, I'm supposed to be doing my homework. And that's how long I have to do it. I think I can do it in an hour. So it's always on for an hour. And that I know is going to help me build discipline for it. Obviously, something else I really feel like people need to know is like discipline is an on ramp. It's not like gas pedal to the floor, we're not going to go from zero to a million in like 2.5 seconds. Like, we're going to start with little things. And as we succeed, or as we pivot because of failure from those things, and we learn, we get better at doing it. So for me a lot of like, the discipline I've seen in my life, is because of okay, here's my strengths. I've honored myself in those. And here's my weaknesses. And now I'm going to start building some guardrails in, and I think talking to your community, Nellie and just the listeners and everybody here, that's what you have to do is as you do that for yourself, your kids see that it's, there's no shame in asking for help. There's no shame in setting boundaries, there's no shame in being that that helps you be a trustworthy person and be a safe person to know what your boundaries are and honor those. So if I'm not good at budgeting, I'm not going to go be a CPA, because I have no business doing that. And people can trust me in that when I say no, I mean, no, you know, so it's like, when you as the adult do that you set the tone for the whole household and for your kids to have. Okay, here are your strengths. We love that about you. And what do you think we can or you can do? Let it be on them? Like, you know, what can you do to help build this area of your life, whatever that is chores, homework, relationships with siblings, whatever. Let it be what it is, you know what to be what it is, and then ask them what kind of solutions do you think would be good here?

Nellie Harden:

Oh my gosh, like, seriously dropped the mic. Like, there you go. There you go. Yes. Wow.

Unknown:

I love I love to come at things from a place of empathy and acceptance. We love that.

Nellie Harden:

That is so amazing. And oh, okay. Well, now I just want to like slide in, I guess. You know, it's so true. You see, do you guys see why I you know, we were attracted to just so long ago. She literally has this. You know, Thing One and Thing Two? Well, she has a thing seven because she has seven targets. Pardon? Yeah. And my kids still talk about all that that all the time. Like, oh, well, where's just she's the seven. Pardon mom and you know, and so, um, yes, yeah. Now you see why, I mean, just amazing, truly amazing. Okay, well, now with all of the things that you've done. I mean, you traveled literally around the world and you can share a little bit more about that. And we were following her for a year and not literally following her just so fun. Oh, that would have been fun. We got to add some

Unknown:

greater kids around the world would have been so fun.

Nellie Harden:

Um, but with all of that, and now you're in corporate media. Erica, and you've done teaching here in the stage. You were ESL teacher, and even beforehand and some of the work that you've done in ministry work. So in all of that, what what do you see in? Not necessarily you, but what do you see in the community of young people out there? Like 20? Something people out there? Do you see? Abundance? Do you see lack? Do you see confusion? Do you see leadership? A lot? A little? What do you see out there?

Unknown:

I see parents who are really secure and who they are, number one, and really good at leading themselves. I see their kids do it, they have these traits. I see. And obviously, it's correlated. A really sad thing about teaching is you see this kid, and you think to yourself, I wonder why you are the way you are? And then by the time parent teacher conferences come around that question answers itself. Yes. So they definitely are, look, they're watching you all the time. And that shouldn't be something that like gives you like pressure, like you can never mess up, it's fine to mess up, they need to see you mess up actually, or else will never know how so right? It's just all about how you handle it. And from what I see, just in the world, that is always true. And what they need, I think, is, and also this is very fresh. So I'm reading this new book called Keep your love on it is so good. So far, it's all about this. So parents read this author, Danny. So he also does, I think he also writes one about how to love your kids. And so I've only read chapter one. But from what I love about it's very aligned with what your goals are in your community. So I'll tell you a little bit about a takeaway from chapter one that I feel like applies to this question because he's talking about how with your self, though, in your life, to have good relationships, which extends to your kids, obviously, we know that you want connection, you want to be able to have confrontation in a healthy way. And you want to be able to set boundaries and hold them. And that's the real, those are the building blocks of discipline, like discipline sounds big and scary. But when you take the recipe and look at it, that's pretty much what we're talking about here is like, how do I honor the people in my life and build a relationship with them and maintain it? How do I have healthy confrontation. And when we say confrontation, we're not talking about a big fight, we're talking about like, hey, earlier, when you said this, it really made me feel sad. And it made me feel like it wasn't important to you can we talk about that for a minute. That's what we're talking about with communication. And boundaries. Like I said earlier, knowing what your own boundaries are, and holding them allows other people to be who they are like being who you are, allows other people to be who they are. And it shows your kids that you know what you can be yourself, you can have boundaries. And it's okay. And so that's really important, I think, for just everything in this conversation, knowing who you are honoring your strengths and weaknesses, protecting your connection with people in your life. And what that looks like, obviously, I haven't gone past chapter one yet or more. And then knowing how to have healthy confrontation in your life and how to have boundaries. Honestly, when you get all that together, call me because I want to talk to you. But that I feel like that's just the recipe for it. You know. And obviously, when we talk about parenting, we talk about like, kids and says me not as a parent, which is hilarious. But I feel like from what I've heard, anytime someone like gives out parenting advice, it makes me just not want to listen, because it's coming from this, like, don't make mistakes kind of place, right? But what kind of what kind of life are you setting your kids up for if they've never made a mistake? Because what's that's teaching them is when you do make a mistake, you need to hide it. Right? Exactly. There's never any learning in that. They never learned anything about themselves, or what happens when you make a mistake, what happens when they grow up and make a mistake at work. So I think that a lot of this just comes from what I would say would be success, like a marker for it in this situation. And this conversation is don't forget to pour into yourself as a parent, and read and like invest in things like this and like, talk to other parents, like who are really like minded or who you want to be like they have something in their family that you want in yours. Talk with them because everything you invest in you is going to come back for your kid as a multiplier. So with this, invest in yourself, and then let your self just live and your kids will see that that's like part of what it is. Obviously it's intentional, but you can make mistakes, like you can, you can do all of that because kids need to know what to do in those situations. They're going to have their own life too.

Nellie Harden:

You know, certainly vulnerability is key, just being guessable, and being able to say, hey, so I don't know everything. And I'm trying here, because parents, parents are learning how to parent as kids are learning how to live. And so it's this convergence of everything coming together. And vulnerability has to be there. And you say that you're not a parent in which you are not a parent, but you have had more child experience, then I would say, 90% of parents when they become parents, between what you've done with, with being a teacher, and especially ESL students, and then all of those kiddos that you met around the world. So can you explain a little bit more about the trip that you went on, because I knew you before we knew you before we've known you afterwards. And the trip really changed your perspectives on things. But I was amazed that it didn't change you because you were already the kind of person that could have went on the trip and thrived before you went on the trip and thrived. And then you came back. And you had all of this experience that you just added to your repertoire and your amazing leadership and self discipline. I don't know library that you hold within yourself. And it grew you so much, but it didn't change you only because you were already that kind of a strong person before you before you went. So anyway, just tell people a little bit more about your trip.

Unknown:

Sure, I did this mission trip called the world race. So not to be confused with the Amazing Race. That's very common. I would love to do the Amazing Race. But it is a 11 month mission trip where our host office pretty much in Georgia, they send out teams of 52 different countries around the world. So you go to a different country each month. And in that country, smaller teams of eight are paired up with hosts. So the hosts would be local pastors, local nonprofit, operators, workers, whatever, and you spend the month doing what they need you to do. Obviously, world race office maintains those relationships throughout the year, they schedule teams to come when the host need them based on what needs to happen at the different ministry sites. So it's a really, really special, really special program. And obviously, it's not perfect, nothing in the world is perfect, but I took a lot away from it. And probably the biggest thing I took away from it was the impact that one person can have in their local community. Because on the strip, obviously, it's like, it's a really cool thing, honestly, like you're going to all these different places like I'm in these villages in India, I got to go fly by Mount Everest, I got to go to Thailand and work with a pastor who had started a church pretty recently. And he was just like, hitting the pavement. He was just hustling to go talk to these villages. He was talking with people in his congregation, he worked so hard. And he was in a really cool season of growth. I talked with a it was a dentist actually from Canada, he has a children's home in Ethiopia. So he gets around. But he's amazing in a ministry there that takes in kids who, temporarily whose parents can't take care for them within the city or that region of the country. They take care of them with House mom's on this property for a while, and then they go back to their home. And it's really amazing. Like, I just saw lots of cool things like that. But really the takeaway from it was like, these people are doing this, and it's their neighborhood, it's their city. It's where they're from. So that's how you change the world. And that's how you really have high impact is you don't have to go all over the world to do it. You just have to see what needs to be done around me and what can I do about it, because that's essentially what they're doing. Yeah. And that was my biggest takeaway from it. And I have been really considering what that is going to look like for me in my life. And I'm really excited about some things I have, like I want to do in the next five years that I'm planning for now. And it's been really, really amazing. But also the thing is like, with this whole self discipline stuff, and something that really, I knew before and I obviously had to practice it before this but obviously in a trip like that there is accountability, but ultimately you have to be accountable to yourself. So when we're talking about self led discipline, you there is no discipline without accountability. And if you don't know how to do that for yourself, which starts by with other people doing it for you, as a kid, you obviously but when you're an adult, like you have to do that stuff yourself and you have to do what you know you need to do so like on the strip obviously, all day I had all these scheduled activities, but I knew if I didn't wake up and spend time in my Bible with God every morning, and I didn't somehow get like even a really quick little 15 minute walk or like some kind of workout workout as good as you can do while you're traveling no gym and stuff. If I didn't do those things like I wasn't going to be set up for the day. Well, in some days, I didn't. And I was not set up for the day well, so I had to deal with the consequences of that. That was my accountability. But it just built in me like, okay, these are the things I need to value because they're what mattered to me. So I have to let them matter to me. Yeah, and do those things.

Nellie Harden:

So I just want to point out the fact to before we close out today, that as me being a parent, and having these four young women that I am raising, finding people that you can surround not only yourself with, but our kids with to justice, very close to our kids. And I mean, not to be like you were a chess piece, because that's not it at all, we're all very close. But I it is a strategic move to make sure that your kids see young men and women out there that are leading that are making a difference that are doing good in the world. And so they can look at it's that carrot in front of you know, in front of the in front of the nose, and they can look, they're like, oh, I can do this, oh, look at what Justice doing. And I could do this. And so we have this series of young men and women that are in our lives on purpose. So that well, a my husband and I are like perpetual 20 year olds, even though we keep having been

Unknown:

true. For the record listeners, we had a Bachelor Fantasy League one. So we did, and that was not that long ago.

Nellie Harden:

So it was before the trip, though, forever young. But anyway, so we are we are forever young people. But it's also really important to set your kids up with those leaders that are around them that are not too far off from them. So that's definitely a strategy move as a parent to make as well. So just you've been incredible and dropped so many truth bombs, like I want to go back and re listen to this after we're done. So I can take notes. And but before we leave, is there any advice that you have to parents that our listening parents that are listening are anywhere in that 6570, right, they have somewhere, maybe they're 1000 days in 2000, maybe they're 6560 days in, but they're in there, and they are wanting to set up this platform for their kids to launch their lives from? and have it be the strongest platform possible of self love, discipline, leadership, integrity, and having all those things that they want them to have before they go off into the great big world? Because maybe they'll find themselves in Cambodia, or Colombia or Peru, and one day, you know, and so what can you tell those parents?

Unknown:

Well, as a non parent, I only have three plants. So I feel like I've raised some of the people I've dated sometimes I would agree with that. Sorry, if any of you are listening, but I don't care. My advice to parents would be to make it a very regular thing in your house, to celebrate who your kids are, learn who they are, and celebrate who they are. Because, like I said, even one of the reasons that I wanted to be involved with the hardens and around their kids is because I feel accepted there, I feel like I have a place there. So if your kids don't feel like they have a place in your home, or they always feel like they're not right or something about them is not right or should be different, then that's not really going to be a place where they can let their guard down around you and let their passion start to come out and flow. And really just, you can hone in and strengthen those things are already so good at like we're talking about today, they're not going to want to be accountable with you if you're always telling them that they're wrong. So that's not like a fun thing. Because it's like they already feel like they can't do anything, right. So why would they come to you with something they know they're not doing right? That doesn't make any sense. And you know, their kids, but they still have logic and they have good logic, which is even a little bit more twisted, to be clear about loving them for who they are. And even if there are things you wish were different or things that you know, they need to grow out of, if their attention span is not as long as you want it to be kind of deal with it. Honestly, I taught first grade, so it's fine. Everybody feels that way not to invalidate you, your feelings are totally valid as a parent, whatever they are, but, you know, let your kids be kids, and give them space to just know that within your family. There's a place for them to be exactly who they are. And starting there, you are going to have such a stronger foundation because if that's missing, it doesn't matter what kind of discipline you build in them, because it's probably not going to look like discipline, it's probably actually going to look a lot like self judgment. Yeah, if you're missing that piece. Yeah. And so nothing positive is going to come from that. Even if they do really cool things in life and have lots of accomplishments. If it's built on self judgment is not going to be that's not what the Lord has for them.

Nellie Harden:

Right How Don't feel when they're alone.

Unknown:

Exactly. Are they even proud of themselves? Have you taught them how to be proud of who they are, and not just what they've done? Right, you know, so we definitely want to start from that place. So that and investing in yourself as a parent and as a person, you don't stop being a person when you have a kid. So FYI, I don't know if any of you have heard that lately. But let me be the one to tell you that you are still a person with feelings, dreams, ambition, and desires wants strengths, weaknesses. So what have you done for you lately? Because if you're about to say nothing, then it's time to do something for yourself. And I'm not talking about going to get a manicure are those cute? Those cute little self care things? Wow, those are great and needs to be built into your schedule and your time. I'm talking about real self care stuff where you open that closet for monsters you've had for 20 years. That's what I'm talking about right now. Whether that looks like working on your debt, or talking to your kids about debt, or going to therapy for yourself, or asking for book recommendations from Nellie or someone else in your life that you trust and value. That kind of stuff, is what we're talking about here. Like what are you doing as a parent that's going to help you be a better person? Because every time you invest in you, obviously we know your kids get that too? So?

Nellie Harden:

Yes, so good. Well, thank you so much just for being me. Yes, this has been so fun. I love going out on a parenting podcast, no kids. Well, it's truly amazing what you can share with people even though you don't have kids, but you have a lot of kid experience and your own life experience too. So, all right, I will talk to you later. Bye.

Unknown:

Thanks for having me.

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