Thrive series: Get rid of physical and mental clutter - Thriving Woman Project

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Thrive series: Get rid of physical and mental clutter

Episode 5 • 20th April 2022 • Thriving Woman Project • Wendy Griffith

THIS TRANSCRIPT IS COMPUTER‐GENERATED. IT IS POSTED TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND OR FIND CERTAIN PARTS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN. ALTHOUGH THE TRANSCRIPTION IS LARGELY ACCURATE, IN SOME CASES IT IS INCOMPLETE OR INACCURATE (COULD IT BE BECAUSE OF WENDY’S SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT?). SO, IT MIGHT GIVE YOU A LAUGH HERE AND THERE!

00:03

You're listening to the healthy and thriving career moms podcast where every week you will learn about healthier habits and how to create and support a healthy and thriving lifestyle as a busy mom. I'm your host Wendy and I truly believe that the best gift you can give to your family and the world is a healthy thriving you. Let's dive in

00:27

Hi there and welcome to today's episode where we're gonna be talking all about Carter, and I'm not just talking about physical clutter. I'm talking about the mental clutter, the mental load that comes with being a working mom with busy mom who's just got so many things on their plate.

00:45

So today I'm going to be sharing with you my three core things that I do and manage every day to help me with being able to reduce the mental load as a busy mom and save time ultimately, because I know we all have the same 24 hours in the day, but why is it that some people just seem to get more done than others and I firmly believe that comes down to these three core things.

01:10

So let's get stuck in today's topic. So first up, I'm going to talk to you about the number one thing that I feel really defines this perception of all the clutter that we've got in our lives and I'm not denying that there is so much we've got physical clutter, we've got stuff everywhere kids stuff. Oh my goodness, I have a five year old and I don't know how I swore I wouldn't be that mom with like, all the stuff, but it just, I don't know there's like fairies that come in the middle of the night and just make more stuff or

01:38

just like it's everywhere, and only have one child so goodness knows when you've got more than one like how you deal with all the stuff and my daughter really loves crafting. So she's forever like picking bits of paper and there's just craft stuff everywhere. And it's just like, oh my goodness, I'm such a tidy person and it really stresses me out. And when I say I'm tidy, it's because actually it's such a coping strategy for me because

02:01

I win this mess and then when there's disorder, my brain gets very muddled, and I don't cope very well in that kind of environment. So that's why I like things to be very tidied and ordered. But these tips will still work even if you're not that person. But let's just talk about mindsets. Firstly. So mindset is such a core part of how we approach most things. In life.

02:24

And so much of the time our mindset is dictating so much of the environment around us. So sweet, give you a little example of this little exercise day to day. So I'm going to use an example. So my mom and I used to play this game when we were when I was a kid. We were driving home from school, and it used to be like every person who spotted the certain model of car and you call it out the name was called a Jetta. Did you have chances here in the UK?

02:50

I can't this is obviously in South Africa. So it was it you know the Volkswagen VW as we called it and yeah, Jetta. And so you drive along and if you saw a Jetta, you shouted jet and you got one point. So it sounds really random. But it's so interesting because when we used to play this game, it's amazing how you tune into your environment you tune into the surroundings, and whereas you probably have previously driven past a jet car and not even thought about it actually,

03:18

when you're playing a game where to win, you've got to spot jetters it's amazing how your brain and actually specifically and scientifically your reticular activating system, which is if you can imagine right now I'm pointing at the front of my forehead just up here at the top. And that is essentially where your brain tunes in. to its environment. So why is it when you are looking at potentially a new car, and suddenly then you see that car everywhere you go.

03:44

It's because it's you brought it to the front of your mind's eye. That's the sort of the mind's eye piece and it's something that you're focused on. So I share that anecdotally because I remember just being able to find jet is everywhere and still to this day I still see jet is not like Jetta in my head even though I don't do it with my family.

04:03

I should actually it will be quite a fun game. And then I Spy every road trip that we do. So I'm gonna start doing that actually but I think nowadays we so many different cars on the road you'd be like how do you do that? But anyway, that was my fun game and it was the bringing it to mind site. So why I share that is because the mindset is so important when what we focus on expands.

04:21

So if you are constantly saying things like I'm so busy, I'm so stressed. You're affirming these things over and over and so your mind's eye, your awareness, your consciousness is going okay, let it be so and it's going to show you all the reasons why that is the case. So if you keep focusing on everything so cluttered everything so those are negative, negative, affirming that your brain's like, okay, it's gonna get that reticular active duty, duty duty duty duty is going to go out and it's going to focus on that thing.

04:56

So this is why I feel like as a busy mom mindset plays such a key role in how we manage day to day and how we manage that mental load. So I'm not saying that life isn't crazy, and that we don't have 1,000,001 things on our plate. My goodness, like, I just want a man to be in our brains for a day. Just see all the things that go we My husband used to say to me, I say What are you thinking it'd be like? Nothing I'd be like No You're lying. Like that cannot be true.

05:25

But does anyone else find that you'd like to kind of be drier? How can you be thinking about anything as my brain is always thinking about stuff, but I think it's very much dictated by our mindset. So if we're constantly Oh, it's so busy. I'm so stressed. There's so much clutter there's so what we can do instead is to reframe that. So we can be saying, why is it that I'm so organized?

05:46

Ask yourself those questions where your brain is now going to find solutions, which means it's going to focus on solutions to that it's gonna be like, yeah, why are you so organized? Why do I have so much time to be organized and get everything I need to do done? And this comes down to the power of affirmations. So I know you might think when I've got clutter, like how do I clean it up with my mind?

06:07

And it's like, but it is really important to set that intention in your mind what it is that you want to create for yourself. So I've actually got a lot of physical clutter going on right now because we're actually doing a bit of a jigger around in our house. As I've shared with Season One, my mum came to live with us last year from South Africa, and we had to kind of readjust rooms and spaces and we're going to be building her in Annex.

06:27

But in the meantime, we're all in the house together and we're having to find space for everything. So actually, we realized how it is now it's not really working. So we need to check things around and so there's a lot of moving and it's a bit of a jigsaw because as we move that that needs to move that needs to shift. So it's all just a bit crazy right now. But what I've had to do is chunk it down, chunk it down by steps and be like,

06:47

Okay, this week, we're going to focus on that and the next week we're going to do that and that that that that I've got that long term vision I've set the vision the intention, okay, well, that's what is gonna happen. But I'm going to set that realistic it's going to take us a couple of months to get it and these are the marker points each week that we want to stay on track like almost like project managing it why not we project manage our lives, our kids lives, our jobs, all that kind of thing.

07:11

Why not? project manage your personal life and dealing with your clutter. So for you that might look like just starting with one drawer, one drawer in your kitchen. I remember one of my fabulous community members have the healthy and thriving career moms because I've shared about this before and she posted on the Facebook group and so if you're not a part of that community please come join us it's so fun.

07:31

And she posted I don't clear the kitchen drawer of all the stuff and she was so delighted because for her her nemesis with these two kitchen drawers she had had just contained you know those drawers we all have those drawers that just have all the stuff that you like, I don't know where to put this just goes in these drawers. And she sorted it. And it's so funny because the chain reaction of sorting those drawers would then lead to after that was her being able to sort out, you know,

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the deep freeze and then sort out the utility room and then sort out and suddenly it built such a competence in her because she was like I'm doing it I'm doing it I'm doing it but it starts with the small steps and this comes back to the habits I teach about you don't need to do all the things you don't spoil the ocean. Just focus on one thing, one action that you can take that's going to build confidence.

08:17

So view that could look like setting your alarm to do a 10 minute tidy 10 minute tidy, set it at a realistic time as well not when the kids are running around and they need you and all the kinds of things but a 10 minute tidy before you sit down in front of the telly at nighttime. Right and it's been 10 minutes I'm going to focus on one drawer. Can you imagine the compound effect of those 10 minutes every day?

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And then after a month, and then after a year how you'd actually probably have sorted out your house because again, that competence and it's like action breeds competence. So so many times when we struggle to get started with something and we feel overwhelmed and we procrastinate it's actually because we think we've got to have the motivation to do it.

08:54

We think we've got to have all our stuff together. But actually it's the taking the action, the messy action that breeds the competence to keep going and that's something I've learned in my life. It's not I'm not going to feel ready to do it. I've just got to do take the first step do the first run. I'm training for a half marathon right now on that first run.

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Oh my gosh, like, oh, it was horrible. But I had to get that first run out of the way in order to pave the way for the rest of my training. Are you ready to start or reset your healthy habits but maybe you're short on time or you're just not sure where to start? You're exactly the person I've created by thrive and five mini course for reset your healthy habits and just

09:34

five minutes a day so you can start to pride in all aspects of your life and health. And the best part is it's totally free to get it go to Wendy Griffith dot code at UK forward slash thrive and five or go to the link in my show notes for more information right back to today's show. So the second thing I want to talk to you about today is boundaries.

09:59

This is a biggie that we could do a whole episode on boundaries and we will be we'll get to this but I just want to touch on something about boundaries and clutter and I think a lot of the mental overload that comes with being a mum is because we say yes to all the things because we you know, we're human, we want to be liked. We want to be helpful. I was tagged in a WhatsApp group today on a fundraising group that I'm a part of and I was asked to do an action.

10:25

And of course I went back and said yes, of course I'll do it and then I'll say when the Seriously, why, why, why why. But what tends to happen is we tend to say yes to all these little things. And then suddenly we're very stressed and overwhelmed because all the little things add up to big things. So I want to challenge you today and I get it wrong too. I'm not perfect, but I just want to leave you with something that I'd like you to think about off the back of today's episode, which is when we say yes to something we're saying no to something else. So me saying yes to doing that little task.

10:55

I mean, it is going to take me all of three minutes to do which is why I said yes. However, if it had been any more than that it's kind of like that do delegate you know when something comes into your world. It's like right Can I do this right now and the next two minutes? Or do I need to delegate it? Or do I just need to delete it from my life? And so it's going to take me a quick couple of minutes. But anything that's going to take you longer than that you need to think right?

11:17

If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? And it's not selfish to say no, because we can only commit and do so many things. And what I have to remind myself as well is that I do make time within the parameters of my portfolio career to be able to do a lot of volunteering and things that bring me joy and bring me fulfillment in my life. But that means that naturally people are going to ask me to do more because they're like, oh, wait, do you will do it like when he does this

11:44

and that and he's like, oh god leader and she helps that in her church and does things and but it can suddenly become that you're doing so many things that actually you're sacrificing on the time to be present with your family or the time to soak in a hot bath even if it's already once a week and Papa facemask on. And so really, at the moment, I'm having to be very strict with my time

12:07

because I have undertaken to do a half marathon and I'm thinking right okay, I've got to fit an extra training now. Something's got to give. It's not that I'm going to add that in. It's that I have to be more efficient with my time and other areas. It's not trying to do all the things all the time. It's actually being very strict about what we do with our time and what we're committing to.

12:28

And as moms we just, we keep going and we keep going. We keep saying yes to everything and yes, and I'll do it I'll do it. I'll do it because it's just not in our DNA or our nature to say no, but just it is thinking about when you say yes to something you're saying no to something else, and that no, could actually be the thing. That's the most important thing. And as parents, we love our kids, we want to be happy and thriving and healthy.

12:52

We don't want to be stressed out and shouting at them and too much on our plates because we I've said yes to too many things, to help at school to do all the things. I mean, maybe your kids are older, they've left home but again, you're still very active, be involved in their lives and helping them and it's just being very protective. And as I get older I realized how important it is to protect my energy. And I mean my physical energy and also my mental energy.

13:18

And something that I also think to myself sometimes when I find myself triggered by things I'd say is it's gonna matter in five years. It was not going to matter in five years. I'm actually not going to spend five minutes Yes, I'm going to give I'm going to have a five minute rounds, my five minute pity party, but after that, I'm going to move forward. And I'm going to get my brain fixed on a mindset that has the intention, because I'm not going to sit there in where was me land.

13:42

I'm going to move forward. So for me boundaries are such a key one and it's something I've had to work so hard over my whole life because naturally I'm such a people pleaser. I mean aren't as mums just, you know, generally we are but really and truly, I've had to really and still do work consistently on this habit, which is it is a habit boundaries is a habit within itself. So the third thing I wanted to share with you today is that of habits, okay, there's one thing I talk about the most as a healthy habits coach for Korean moms.

14:14

And within that I want to talk about the habit of book ending your day as a habit that keeps me on track for creating an efficient day. And what I mean by bookending my day is creating space on either side of my day, morning and evening, to have that opportunity to do the brain dump of what needs to be done, what is on my plate, what I'm committed to, and then ensuring that I'm picking the three most important actions that need to take place that day.

14:44

So for example, today, I needed to record these podcast episodes that I wanted to I wanted to batch a few episodes together because I got in flow I was doing it it was going to save me time. And that was one of my most important actions today because it needed to happen because of other deadlines and things that were going on around me. Now. I get that we have a mix of work, personal business, all the things that we need to focus on and that list that three most important action could be a mix of all those things. Here's the challenge.

15:13

You need to get the most difficult tasks done first, and it comes back to a really good book that I read years and years ago, which I still hold so dear to my heart which is called Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy. And it's a book where he talks about you know, if you think about a slimy big yucky frog, how would you eat that? I mean, it's a terrible concept. Because it's like one bite at a time. But it also talks about getting the big ugly frog out of the way first thing in the day.

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There's also that whole analogy of how to eat an elephant one bite at a time why we are eating whole animals via these analogies. But anyway, it just really it's like because once it's that whole way I was talking about about action breeds confidence. Once you've done that big, nasty, scary task. Everything else that comes afterwards is so much easier to do but what we tend to do

16:03

as human beings is because we're not drawn to pain and difficulty we're drawn to pleasure and ease, which is fair enough. So we do all the little itty bitty non important tasks because it's easy. And then we leave the big, ugly frog until the end of the day when we're stressed and we're tired, and we're overwhelmed. And then we wonder why it seems so impossible and impending to be able to do it. So my challenge to you is really to get the biggest ugliest

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frog out the way first thing in the day. And then what you'll actually find is that you achieve more with the rest of your day and you'll get through more tasks but having the three is the benchmark maximum five most important actions mis and that was a tip that was shared with me by a productivity coach. One of my dear friends and clients Joe Bendel, she's amazing. She's actually got a fantastic podcast as well that you can jump over and listen to me for more.

16:52

And she was the one who taught me this productivity hack. And it's been such a game changer in my life and helping me just to really assess right what's important what I need to do, and the same for the evening and preparing for the next day. So what I will do before I go to bed at night because I'm not one of those people who could just go to bed and fall asleep straight away. My husband can't it's so infuriating. But actually, I need to wipe my brain down. So what I'll do is

17:17

I'll have a journal notepad next to my bed where I just brain dump out my thoughts, feelings, any kind of negative emotions that are sitting in me from the day I mean, there might not be but if they are, that's where it that's the opportunity I'll use to get that out of my system. And then I'll visualize the next day like what needs to happen, what's going to be going on what I need to do and we probably all do this anyway, but just we don't attach a process to it.

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But my process is to brain dump it out. And then work out what those three most important actions are because actually, the thing that you fall asleep focused on the last thing in the day, visualizing a great day tomorrow, how that's all gonna go how that's gonna flow. That's actually what your brain that reticular activating system is going to work on overnight. It's going to be working on solutions to make that happen, which is why when you had that

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book into your day, it's going to set you up for the next day because you're going to wake up not thinking alright, what do I have to do today? Actually, you already know you've got your notepad there. You can hit the ground running, you can get on with your day you can crack on and it makes such a big difference. So if that's resonated with you today, I would love to hear from you because clutter and that mental load as a busy mom is just so prevalent in our lives.

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And it's really my goal that moms can enjoy their everyday life and not have this stress and overwhelm because life is meant to be enjoyed and I'm not talking about like every day is a party. Like everything's great. But I'm talking about that deep knowing within you that even when stuffs going down and things aren't always going according to plan that you've still got a deep joy in your life that you really are enjoying your life and that you're not just surviving it that you're actually driving it.

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So I hope this inspires you to say let me know reach out to me in DMS and I look forward to talking to you on the next step so speak soon. Thank you for tuning in today. I'm so grateful for you. If this episode has resonated make sure you visit Wendy Griffith dot credit UK to discover more of my content and my fantastic free resources to support you in private. Or if you'd like to continue the conversation further. Drop me a DM by Instagram at when you live healthy. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, keep thriving.