Have you recently checked in on your goals and intentions? Is 2023 the year you make a career move or leap to escape workplace toxicity? If so, this episode is a must-listen for you! This week, Aoife's solo episode is coming to you live from sunny Tenerife, focusing on the issue of toxic workplaces and the practical steps you can take to improve your working situation.

Aoife delves into the task of maintaining a happier working environment, shares tips for dealing with frustrations at work, and unpacks the importance of aligning your core values with your chosen workplace. Aoife also reminds us that if you're feeling stuck at work, you have options and that leaving is okay. Further key points throughout include:

- How to eliminate toxic work behaviour

- What does a toxic work environment look like?

- The traits of a toxic boss

- How to handle micromanagement and break the expectations of overworking

- The impact of toxic colleagues in the workplace

- A reminder: It's okay to quit your job!

- Take back your power and boost your confidence

- Making time to focus on what you want

- Aligning your core values with your needs and strengths

"People are ten times more likely to resign from an organisation if they find themselves in a toxic environment, compared to their likelihood of resigning due to pay-related matters." – Aoife O'Brien.

THE LISTENERS SAY:

Do you have any feedback or thoughts on this discussion? If so, please connect with Aoife via the links below and let her know. Aoife would love to hear from you!

Resources:

Listen back to previous Happier at Work episodes:

https://happieratwork.ie/101-the-squiggly-road-to-happier-at-work-with-aoife-obrien-cathal-quinlan/

https://happieratwork.ie/happier-at-work-49-aoife-mollin-on-fitting-in-at-work/

Connect with Happier at Work host Aoife O'Brien:

https://www.happieratwork.ie

https://www.impostersyndrome.ie

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aoifemobrien

https://www.twitter.com/HappierAtWorkHQ

https://www.instagram.com/happieratwork.ie

https://www.facebook.com/groups/happieratworkpodcast

If you are a longtime listener to the Happier at Work podcast, you will have heard me speak previously about my signature Happier at Work program. The program has now moved beyond the pilot phase. And it's for organisations who want to maintain a really great culture that they already have. They know that their staff are really, really important and they want to retain staff for as long as possible, and drive a sense of better engagement at work. Overall, ultimately, what the program does is create a happier working environment using research backed methods. What that means as we look at the current state of play, what needs to change, and then we measure the effectiveness of that change during the program and also When the program finishes. The program itself is very practical. It is designed with coaching as well, in order to embed the learning into the organisation.

You're listening to the Happier at Work podcast. I'm your host Aoife O'Brien. This is the podcast for leaders who put people first. The podcast covers four broad themes, engagement and belonging, performance and productivity, leadership, equity, and the future of work. Everything to do with the happier at work podcast relates to employee retention, you can find out more at happieratwork.ie. Hello, and welcome back to another solo episode of the Happier at Work Podcast.

So for the purpose of today's episode, I suppose I want to bring that notion of toxicity back to back to kind of day to day language and day to day thinking, too. And the reason I'm doing it is because it's that time of year, because a lot of people are thinking that they might find a new role this year. So that's number one.

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And the other reason is because people reach out to me so often about understanding more about how to create happier working environments for themselves, as well as for other people. And I thought it really worth addressing this issue of toxic workplaces, because at its core, and it's taken me a while to really find this language. I'm not really sure why it's taken me so long. But it's at its core, it's really about eliminating this toxic work behavior, eliminating toxic workplaces, by educating people by supporting people by consulting by coaching, and really stamping out this this type of behavior because there's no need everyone. You know, as I've said before, everyone deserves to be happier at work. And when you're not happy at work, it trickles into other aspects of your life as well. You take it into relationships, you take it into, you know it trickles into your health as well. So it's something I've really really wanted to address. So I suppose if we take a kind of a broader look and as I mentioned a little bit earlier in today's podcast is a kind of this more general toxic environment, and I have experienced that where there is around 50%, staff turnover, you know, really poor leadership. So there's that kind of general toxic environment. But then there's this other maybe feels toxic to us because we're not able to thrive in that environment. But it's not necessarily toxic to other people as well. So thinking about those different types of toxicity and addressing them equally, because they are both toxic. If we're experiencing that toxicity, ourselves on this concept of that not fitting in that work or feeling like it's just you who maybe is in the wrong environment, and it's not necessarily toxic for the other people who are there as well. Again, this is addressed in previous podcast episodes, so definitely go and check those out. The first one to check out is the interview based episode I did with Aoife Mollin, Aoife looked at this concept of fit in a qualitative perspective, or at least the concept of fit came through from the qualitative research that she did. And I conducted by research on this concept of fit from a quantitative perspective. And again, I shared that in previous episodes, both with Aoife - the interview based episode, and also talking about happiness at work and what it means and how to achieve a sense of happiness at work. So go and check those out. If you haven't already, I want to share some insights from both myself and clients in relation to what a toxic environment is, what it looks like, what it feels like. So some of the things that that have come back to me and that I've experienced firsthand as well is this general toxic environment. So it's kind of you're just in this environment where it's, it's toxic, and, and for me, that always comes from the top as well. So it's leadership responsibility, poor communication, poor leadership, unclear expectations, and sometimes deliberately under resourced. So they know that there's more work to be done than people they have. And so the expectation is that you work all of these long hours, you work late into the night, you work weekends, and there's no sign of that letting up. It's not the end of quarter issue or end of year, you need to do a sales driver, you need to, you need to do the books or something like that. This is purely, you know, a constant, we know that we have more work than we have people, but we want to maintain profitability. And I certainly have been in that that environment, at least once that I know of where we were under resourced, and the morale around the rest of the team was really low, because we had to put in all of the extra hours. And we knew that there were gaps in the team, but they weren't proactively being filled. So really, really frustrating from, from our perspective, the other than is the idea of a toxic boss. And I certainly have experienced this as well. So this is the kind of boss that will maybe compare you to other people owe, you know, Jane was able to bring in 10,000 euros last month. How about you? Why couldn't you do the same and comparing you unfavorably to people, even if they have more experience than you do? So comparing you to colleagues unfavorably. Another thing is micromanagement. And I know certainly from the comments I got a lot of people can relate to this when they have a micromanaging boss. And

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interestingly, I always assumed that micromanagement sort of happened at entry level where you know, you're managing people for the first time, but from the conversations that I'm having with my clients, it sounds like I don't know, it's it once a micromanager, always a micromanager. But you can be at senior levels and still be micromanaging people. And, you know, I suppose from as an aside, I do wonder how those people manage to get promoted, if they're micromanaging people is that they're not, you know, are they not receiving that feedback? Are they being promoted after their death? So they leave you know, there's all of these things that could be going on. The other thing with a toxic bosses? Or could be these are just some examples. By the way, I've been talking an awful lot about this. On LinkedIn, especially, you know, I wrote an article on LinkedIn, I've done several posts on this addressing specifically toxic workplaces. So if we're not connected on LinkedIn, definitely go and check that out. And the other area that I wanted to address in relation to toxic boss is the expectation of working long hours. So you could get a text or an email or some sort of a notification out of hours and the expectation is that you're going to respond and the expectation is that you're going to carry out work maybe at that time. So when these expectations are placed on you, and you know, when you're feeling that sense of being in a toxic situation, it's sometimes it's really, really hard to escape from it because you don't see you don't see an alternative. You don't feel like you can say no at that stage.

The other kind of broad area that I wanted to talk about is toxic colleagues. And again, I've had to deal with toxic colleagues in the past. So this can look something like bullying, where you're being excluded or being gossiped about, you're being actively bullied or, you know, people are, whether it's they're making fun of you, or they're talking about you behind your back, they're leaving you out of conversations or leaving you out of situations deliberately, they're not including you. So you've kind of been left to your own devices. And the other thing is lying. So I've worked with people who've told blatant lies about their personal life. And as if they're true, and we later found out that it was completely made up. So someone who is, by the sounds of it, you know, just a, someone who tells lies all the time, which personally I don't really understand. insubordination is another one. So this comes up a lot, I think. And certainly in my own experience, having managed someone who was formerly up here and being managed by someone who was formerly up here is this concept of insubordination. So when you're not following the instructions, or the advice that your manager is directly given to you, and, you know, I'm always looking to address specific topics that will help people on the podcast and maybe, I have, you know, I have covered this the idea of how to manage up and how to deal with a difficult boss. But I haven't specifically dealt with the issue of how to handle the situation, whether you are the person being managed, or whether you're the manager, when you have to manage someone who was formally a peer. And I've been in that situation on both sides, and it is really difficult. From the conversations that I've been having recently, there's not really an easy answer to it. So maybe that's something that you want to learn more about. And do let me know, feel free to reach out. Another thing from toxic colleagues is when they're feeling really unmotivated, and they're not really pulling their weight, and you have to kind of carry them or you're kind of feel like you're doing all of their work for them as well.

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The point that I want to make around toxic work environments is that oftentimes people stay in this environment, because they think they have no option, they think that there's, they have no choice that there's nothing else out there that they won't find the same thing. Or that they're overly focused on one thing that they do, like whether it's the flexibility that they have, where they have a good boss, or they have a friend at work, something like that. But I want to remind you that if you're in this toxic situation, it is okay, if you leave, you know, a lot of people do stay in these situations for a long time. And it can get worse, you know, a lot of the time it gets worse rather than getting better. So it just wants you to remind you that it is okay to leave. If you want to leave that toxic situation. That's okay, too. If you do decide to stay, it's worth looking into any policies or procedures that exist in the workplace to address the type of issue that you're having. So if that's a bullying issue, if you have a kind of a grievance with your boss, maybe talk to HR, can you speak to your boss, can you speak to your boss's boss, have a think about what steps you can take to try and change the situation, if you feel it's worth changing, if you think that you'll be okay from it. Another thing to do is to rebuild your confidence because I know certainly in the experiences that I had, my confidence was really in the floor, it really was at an all time low. And I had to take some very proactive steps to try and rebuild that confidence, especially when it came to work. But it also crept into other areas of my life as well. So if I was feeling particularly in confident at work, it was kind of trickling into those personal relationships that I had as well. The other thing to do is to focus really on what it is that you can control. So you can control things like the behavior that you demonstrate and the reactions that you have, and Don't stoop to their level. So focusing really on what you can control what you can't control are other people's behavior, other people's opinions other people what other people say you can't control other people you can need really need to focus on yourself and what you can control. And another thing, and I kind of alluded to this earlier, is focusing on one thing that you do like at work, so maybe you like your boss, maybe you like the flexibility, or the location or the fact that you can work remotely, maybe like your colleagues, maybe you have a friend at work. So focusing on those kind of core areas, I suppose. Now, if you do decide to leave, there are obviously a few different steps that you can take and if you want to leave without anything to go to, and I've done that on two occasions, I didn't have anything else lined up. But in one situation, I just thought I have to really, really have to get out of this situation for the sake of my own mental health. And at the time, I probably didn't even know the term mental health. It's not something that was often spoken about. But for my self and my sanity, let's say I needed to leave that situation and in another when it kind of escalated and escalated until it got to the stage where I decided, it's going to be just easier if I get out of this situation, I didn't want to stay in that situation any longer. So maybe have a look at your finances and see if you can get out of the situation immediately, if that's what you want to do. Or if you know, how long do you need to stay, what kind of process you need to put in place in order to find something new for yourself, have a think about all of these different things on the options, maybe, you know, you need to update your CV, you need to update your LinkedIn profile. But also talk to a recruiter who might be able to support you talk to friends and colleagues reach out to your network to see if there's anything else that's happening, I think, more from an internal perspective than focusing on what is it that you actually want. And you probably are very aware of what it is that you don't want at the moment. So you're like I don't, I don't want that situation again. But you're also going to be hypersensitive, to not want to go into that situation, again, and it's really important not to go into that same type of situation, because then you may you might start blaming yourself and think there's something wrong with you, as well. So really focus on what it is that you actually want, you know, whether that's industry, whether it's a company size, the company type the type of manager that you want to have how you want to be managed, think about as well, your values. So what are your core values? Do you know what they are already, and seek out companies that reflect or are similar to the core values that you hold? Talk about understanding your needs as well? What are your needs at work? What do you need from this work from this job? Is that going to be used as a stepping stone to get you to your next place? Are you looking for something a little bit longer term. And also, think about your strengths. And again, the values Needs and Strengths piece, I have addressed these and previous episodes of the podcast, I also wrote very detailed information on my LinkedIn newsletter, if you want to check that out on my LinkedIn profile covers all of these different things of how to find out what your needs are, how to find out what your strengths are, as well as your core values and why they're so important when it comes to work. If any of the issues that I talked about are affecting you, and you want to reach out and have a chat with me absolutely no obligation chat, if it's something that I can support you with, if it's something to help you to to transition. I know certainly when I was first looking at leaving my job, essentially my most recent corporate role, I spoke to several coaches to see but what I was really looking for it was a quick solution. And so I picked something that was really quick and easy. And going through that process made me realise what I really needed was permission. And permission really could only come from myself. So I gave myself permission to not earn a salary to potentially disappoint my colleagues and my friends. And you know, all of these other things that I was going on in my head about the impact that was going to have in my life. So I know, the stress that it can feel like I know the lack of confidence that I felt, leaving those toxic situations twice, remind you that it was twice that this happened. So if there's something that you want to talk to me about, then absolutely feel free to reach out, in addition to the work that I do with organisations about maintaining those happier work environments, so that that people don't leave the organisations that they're in. And it really is a job to maintain that type of happier working environment. Because you have to actively do that it's not a case of it's just gonna take care of itself. If you have that that environment already, then it's about actively managing that. But if you're not in that situation, if you're in the situation where you feel that it's toxic, and it's gone too far, and you want to do something about it, you're and you're not looking for a quick fix, which is what I was looking for previously. And you want to kind of go through a process of working through that. Definitely feel free to reach out to me to connect, get in touch and see if it's something that I can support you with. So that's what I wanted to share on the podcast today.

As I mentioned, I am on LinkedIn, I would love to connect you connect with you there, feel free to reach out but do let me know where you heard of me or where you saw me I do receive quite a few connection requests. So it'd be really great to know that you've listened to the podcast and that's why you want to connect with me if you have any questions. If you have any suggestions for future episodes, then do feel free to reach out. And I'm also on Instagram so you can check me out on happieratwork.ie over on Instagram and I look forward to connecting with you. They're always open for a chat about happiness at work. So do reach out if you would like to get in touch.

That was another episode of the Happier at Work podcast. I am so glad you tuned in today. If you enjoy today's podcast, I would love to get your thoughts - head on over to social media to get involved in the conversation. If you enjoyed the podcast, I would love if you could rate, review it or share it with a friend. If you want to know more about what I do or how I could help your business, head on over to happieratwork.ie