Life is like a big play, and whatever role we most resist is the one we get to act in next. We draw in those things to teach us to love ourselves and the world. We're not here to judge, or be positive or negative thinkers; we're here to be love that embraces both sides. Discover how the more we edit ourselves, the more like and dislike we receive from others; and the more we reveal our whole self, the more we are loved. Everything you do, good or bad, positive or negative, serves to teach you about love.
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When somebody says, 'I will always do this', 'I would never stop doing that',
Speaker:or 'I would never do that', 'I'll always this way',
Speaker:you can guarantee that's an illusion. Nobody's one sided.
Speaker:I want to start out by saying that, imagine
Speaker:you have in front of you a magnet,
Speaker:which has according to physics,
Speaker:a positive pole and a negative pole.
Speaker:And you're given that magnet and somebody offered you a billion dollars if
Speaker:you can cut that magnet in half and give them only the one pole back,
Speaker:not both poles, but a one poled magnet, a mono pole,
Speaker:not a dipole or bipole.
Speaker:And if you're not aware of Maxwell's, James Clerk Maxwell's, you know,
Speaker:laws of electromagnetism or magnetism, you'll actually think, 'Well,
Speaker:I'll cut that thing in half and grab that positive one and hand it to them and
Speaker:get my billion dollars.' But that's not how it works.
Speaker:If you cut the magnet in half, you end up with two magnets,
Speaker:because the arrangement of the atoms,
Speaker:they are dipole moments and they have one side is positive, one side negative.
Speaker:So arrange them all they're organized in a magnetic form.
Speaker:They've been magnetized.
Speaker:So what happens is you end up with a positive and negative and a positive and
Speaker:negative, two of them. And you think, 'Oh,
Speaker:I didn't do it fast enough.' So you grab that small half,
Speaker:that positive negative pole and try it faster to get that positive without the
Speaker:negative. And then you do is you end up with positive and negative.
Speaker:And so no matter how many times you break that down,
Speaker:you keep getting a positive and negative.
Speaker:And trying to get a one sided magnet is futile.
Speaker:And so you don't end up with the money. You get enticed by it. And life,
Speaker:people in life are telling you, you know, 'Be positive, don't be negative.
Speaker:Be kind, don't be cruel. Be nice, don't be mean. Be giving, don't be taking.
Speaker:Be generous, don't be stingy. Be peaceful,
Speaker:don't be wrathful.' They're always telling you to be one sided.
Speaker:But like a magnet, you tend up to have both sides.
Speaker:And no matter how hard you try to get rid of half of yourself,
Speaker:how you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half yourself?
Speaker:You want to be loved for the whole, not just one side of the magnet,
Speaker:you might say. And so many people go around and say,
Speaker:'I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am.
Speaker:And I want to improve by getting rid of half of me and getting only one side.'
Speaker:And the pursuit for one sidedness is futile.
Speaker:The Buddha says the desire for that which is unobtainable (the one side) and the
Speaker:desire to avoid that which is unavoidable (the other side) is the source of
Speaker:human suffering. Which is interesting.
Speaker:And yet we're taught in society,
Speaker:mass solutions of trying to be one-sided.
Speaker:I call it the moral hypocrisies that we're inundated by,
Speaker:trying to be always one sided. We go around and say,
Speaker:because we're trying to get one side, or nobody's perfect,
Speaker:because they're trying to be one side,
Speaker:instead of actually realizing the real perfection of the whole of who you are
Speaker:and embrace both sides. And what's interesting is,
Speaker:people go around and say,
Speaker:'I would never do that.' 'I'm always this way.'
Speaker:But that's not real. If I went to you and I said, 'You're always positive.
Speaker:You're never negative. Always kind, never cruel. Always giving, never taking.
Speaker:Always generous, never stingy. Always peaceful, never wrathful.
Speaker:Always considerate,
Speaker:never inconsiderate.' Your own intuition inside you would go and shoot off a
Speaker:BS meter and say, 'No,
Speaker:not really.' You can never have certainty you're one side.
Speaker:You'll always have a little uncertainty in the whispering in your head.
Speaker:And you'd be thinking the moment I said that about you,
Speaker:you'd be thinking about the times you've been mean and cruel and stingy and
Speaker:wrathful.
Speaker:Your intuition will bring it out because your intuition is attempting to make
Speaker:you fully conscious of both sides and love both sides of yourself.
Speaker:You want to be loved for both sides.
Speaker:Your intuition is trying to help you get there. And if I said to you,
Speaker:'You're always mean, you're never nice. You're always cruel, you're never kind.
Speaker:You're always negative, never positive. Always wrathful, never peaceful.
Speaker:Always taking, never giving. Always inconsiderate,
Speaker:never considerate.' You would immediately go, 'No,
Speaker:no that's not true either.' Your intuition would pop up and start thinking of
Speaker:the nice things you're done.
Speaker:It would immediately show you the upsides to what you were being labeled as a
Speaker:downside. And you would never have certainty being one side. But if I said,
Speaker:'Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're mean. Sometimes you're kind,
Speaker:sometimes you're cruel. Sometimes you're positive, sometimes you're negative.
Speaker:Sometimes peaceful, sometimes wrathful.' You'd immediately go,
Speaker:'That's true.' You can only have certainty when you're authentically
Speaker:embracing both sides of your own being.
Speaker:So trying to get rid of half of yourself and only be one sided is futile.
Speaker:Trying to expect somebody else to be one sided and not both sided is futile.
Speaker:Expecting the world to be one sided and not both sided is also futile.
Speaker:And anytime you have an expectation of a one-sided event and you have a fantasy,
Speaker:unrealistic expectation and delusion you're going to get a one-sided magnet,
Speaker:depression, frustration, aggravation,
Speaker:futility is a symptom you're going to experience,
Speaker:to try to wake you up and associate that pain with that fantasy pleasure.
Speaker:And as long as you're looking to try to get a one sided world,
Speaker:the other side's going to smack you. The more you try to avoid it,
Speaker:the more it pops you.
Speaker:I even say that the more you're addicted to one side and try to be subdicted
Speaker:from the other side, the more the other side follows you. It's like a shadow.
Speaker:Jung called it the shadow following you around after what you think you're going
Speaker:towards the light, the one side, you keep getting banged by the other side.
Speaker:As an old proverb that says what you resist persists,
Speaker:what you try to run away from you run into, what you try to avoid shadows you,
Speaker:follows you.
Speaker:So to say 'I would never do that' is almost inevitably, it's just a matter of,
Speaker:and the more emphasis, the more you would say, 'I would never do that',
Speaker:the faster it comes upon you.
Speaker:And the more you attract event in your life to force you to get that repression
Speaker:to the surface.
Speaker:How are you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half of
Speaker:yourself? So I'm interested in helping you love both sides of yourself.
Speaker:I went to an Oxford dictionary 37 plus years ago,
Speaker:and I realized that when I was pointing my finger at people,
Speaker:I had three fingers pointing back at me.
Speaker:Every time I was judging somebody both admired or despised, looking up or down,
Speaker:they were me. And I noticed that, I observed it in myself,
Speaker:and many times what I was emphasizing to them I was talking to me.
Speaker:Chomsky even says that much of the language is internal
Speaker:you can hear what you say to others to help yourself.
Speaker:And so in the process of doing that,
Speaker:I went through the Oxford dictionary and I actually went through page
Speaker:by page by page and underlined every possible human behavioral trait that a
Speaker:human being could have.
Speaker:It's a big dictionary with very tiny print and very fine paper.
Speaker:And I went through and I found out that I had literally
Speaker:4,628 traits listed and underlined when I got through.
Speaker:And then I went out to the side and I thought,
Speaker:who do I know that exaggerates and lives that trait out the most?
Speaker:And I wrote the initial out. And then I looked in myself and I went okay,
Speaker:where and when do I display and demonstrate that? Where do I do that?
Speaker:When do I do that? And I found out that every single trait, nice, mean, kind,
Speaker:cruel, honest, dishonest, you know, playful serious,
Speaker:every possible trait that you can find in a dictionary about human behavior,
Speaker:I found it. And sometimes I didn't want to face it.
Speaker:And some of the traits that I looked at,
Speaker:I thought were negative or some of them I thought were positive,
Speaker:and it was easier to own the positive, but I didn't want to own the negative,
Speaker:I wanted to avoid that part. But when I looked honestly, I discovered by God,
Speaker:I had that trait too. I found out I had both sides.
Speaker:And no matter how hard I tried to deny that I could find places in my life where
Speaker:I was playing out these traits. So after going through 4,628 traits,
Speaker:I discovered I had all of them, nothing was missing in me.
Speaker:Nothing in human behavior was missing.
Speaker:And going and studying back classical writings,
Speaker:back all the way to Sumerians and Egyptians and Greeks and stuff,
Speaker:I found it in the writings there that the same behaviors were going on there.
Speaker:And if you're trying to get rid of some part of yourself,
Speaker:it hasn't gotten rid of in all these 2005, 3000 years.
Speaker:And if it was really not serving you, it would go extinct. But it must serve,
Speaker:it has to have some other side. So the traits I thought were terrible,
Speaker:I looked for the upsides to. And the traits I thought I admired,
Speaker:I looked for the downsides to, and I leveled the playing field.
Speaker:And then what happened is instead of me running into people and having my
Speaker:buttons pushed, I didn't react to them as much because I go, I do that too.
Speaker:Who am I to judge them?
Speaker:I plucked the mote out of my own eye before I plucked it out of theirs.
Speaker:It was really helpful to me not reacting to people,
Speaker:not judging people and jumping impulsively to a conclusion and label people
Speaker:one sided, because that's not the truth about human behavior.
Speaker:So when I finally owned all those traits and realized I had them and I took the
Speaker:traits I admired and I found some of the downs,
Speaker:and I look at the traits I looked down on and found the upsides,
Speaker:which is what I do in the,
Speaker:what I call the Demartini Method today that I teach in the Breakthrough
Speaker:Experience, it leveled the playing field.
Speaker:And I noticed instead of that individual hooking me with an admiration,
Speaker:an infatuation where I'm conscious of their upsides and unconscious of the
Speaker:downside. And hooking by the resentment where I'm conscious of the downside and
Speaker:unconscious of the upsides.
Speaker:And now I'm run because everything I was infatuated with and resentful to
Speaker:occupied my mind and created noise in my brain and distracted me and ran my life
Speaker:extrinsically.
Speaker:But the moment I leveled that and found that I had that and owned it and leveled
Speaker:it and found the downsides to what was up and upsides to what was down,
Speaker:and balanced it, neutralized it, I ran me.
Speaker:I didn't have the external world dictating my reactions.
Speaker:And instead of me trying to get rid of half of myself and be only one sided,
Speaker:I started embracing both sides of my life. You know,
Speaker:if you want to be loved for who you are, how are you going to do it
Speaker:if you keep trying to get rid of half of yourself?
Speaker:How are you going to love the spouse, your kids, your friends,
Speaker:people in society,
Speaker:if you immediately look at them and having a moral hypocrisy that you're
Speaker:supposed to be on one side and then judge them because of these injected
Speaker:hypocrisies and then end up resenting them because they're not this perfect
Speaker:person. You know, the real perfection is both sides.
Speaker:And when we finally wake up to the perfection of that,
Speaker:we can love and feel grateful for all the people,
Speaker:including the one we see in the mirror.
Speaker:So I'm not interested in trying to get rid of some part of yourselves.
Speaker:I'm interested in loving all parts of yourself.
Speaker:That's why I teach the Breakthrough Experience program and teach the Demartini
Speaker:Method, which is a science of how to love all parts of you.
Speaker:How to love all parts of the people you care about, your spouse,
Speaker:because a lot of times you end up sitting there self-righteously judging and
Speaker:putting them down and they're doing the same thing back and you're both
Speaker:expecting each other to live in each other's values instead of being honest
Speaker:about who they are and they're honestly living according to their own,
Speaker:and trying to fix them and change them, instead of love them for who they are.
Speaker:When you love them for who they are, they turn into who you love.
Speaker:And that's what's something amazing. And what's interesting about the brain.
Speaker:I rarely go through a talk without talking about the brain as you would expect,
Speaker:but everybody has a set of priorities in life, a set of values in life.
Speaker:And whenever you're living by your highest values, the executive center,
Speaker:the medial prefrontal cortex particularly, that center is about objectivity,
Speaker:about seeing both sides,
Speaker:about being neutral by mitigating the risks and calming down the
Speaker:fantasies and centering yourself and not reacting and having more
Speaker:equanimity within yourself and equity between you and other people.
Speaker:And there you learn to love, you're a master of your destiny,
Speaker:you're not reacting. But if you live by lower values,
Speaker:attempt to live in injected values,
Speaker:ideals from others and be part of the herd instead of being heard,
Speaker:and inject the values of these people you've given power to that you've put on
Speaker:pedestals because you haven't seen both sides to,
Speaker:and then try to be somebody you're not, inauthentic, the blood, glucose,
Speaker:and oxygen goes into the amygdala, down in the limbic brain,
Speaker:which is a subcortical nucleus,
Speaker:in that area we're dealing with avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.
Speaker:And we're in survival mode, not thrival mode like the executive center.
Speaker:We're now in mass consciousness.
Speaker:And mass consciousness is basically avoiding predator, seeking prey,
Speaker:avoiding challenge, seeking, ease, avoiding, you know,
Speaker:the negatives and seeking the positives, and the entire movement,
Speaker:the false movement of trying to be always positive
Speaker:all the time comes out of that amygdala,
Speaker:it doesn't come out of the executive center where objectivity.
Speaker:Comes out of the subjective bias world of the amygdala.
Speaker:This subjective bias world of the amygdala is an amazing area because what it
Speaker:does in order to survive, we have to have what they call false positives.
Speaker:When you're out in nature as an animal and you've got a camouflage prey and a
Speaker:camouflage predator,
Speaker:you've got to be able to discern through that camouflage a pattern and see if
Speaker:that's actually food or see if that's actually something that's going to eat
Speaker:you. And as a result of that survival mentality,
Speaker:it's automatically going to accentuate that with a false positive,
Speaker:to get your adrenaline kicking into gear,
Speaker:to make sure that you actually get to run faster,
Speaker:to capture the prey and to avoid that predator.
Speaker:And so it accentuates things and makes them absolute in order to make sure
Speaker:that you survive. Instead of having a poised and present objectivity,
Speaker:you have now a subjective bias that's highly polarized into all positive and no
Speaker:negative, which is the prey, or all negative, no positive,
Speaker:which is the predator. That whole polarization process,
Speaker:that whole subjective bias system,
Speaker:makes us try to get rid of half of ourself and gain only one side,
Speaker:get rid of half of people and gain only one side, and that is not possible.
Speaker:So if you want to go and make sure that you're being more objective,
Speaker:it's important to live by priority.
Speaker:It's important to make sure you know how to dissolve the emotional baggage that
Speaker:accumulates when you're seeing life as a prey and predator,
Speaker:which is distracting you from being present. As a result of that,
Speaker:one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience
Speaker:and the Value applications and the Demartini Method in
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:is to make sure that you learn how to identify what you really value,
Speaker:make sure that you identify what's highest on your values,
Speaker:make sure you're prioritizing your life accordingly,
Speaker:and make sure you're delegating lower priority things and make sure you're not
Speaker:subordinating to outer authorities and making sure that you're planning and
Speaker:strategizing your life, because if you don't, other people will.
Speaker:And if you don't fill your day with high priority actions,
Speaker:it's going to fill up low priority distractions.
Speaker:And if you don't empower your life, other people are going to overpower you,
Speaker:and you're going to end up in the amygdala if they do.
Speaker:And when you're down in the amygdala, you're going to be polarized,
Speaker:you're going to put false labels on things,
Speaker:you're going to exaggerate yourself or others,
Speaker:you're going to end up trying to get rid of half of yourself or other people's
Speaker:halves.
Speaker:And you're going to be searching for that which is unobtainable and trying to
Speaker:avoid that which is unavoidable. And this is the source of your suffering.
Speaker:So to say I never, you know, I would never do that. I'm amazed.
Speaker:Sometimes people in my Breakthrough Experience come
Speaker:oh, I would never do that,
Speaker:my father was never there for me or my mother was never there for me or they
Speaker:were never nice to me, they're always mean to me.
Speaker:And they're really black and white.
Speaker:In the Breakthrough Experience I have in the Demartini Method a question of
Speaker:asking where were they doing the opposite behavior to break these exaggerated
Speaker:labels you have on people.
Speaker:Because as long as you have a false label on people and false label on yourself,
Speaker:you can't be authentic.
Speaker:How are people going to love you for who you are if you're not being who you
Speaker:are? If you're not actually centered and able to be yourself and be authentic.
Speaker:I'm a firm believer that everything that's going on in your physiology,
Speaker:all your symptoms of your body, is trying to get you authentic and whole.
Speaker:Everything's going on in your psychology and your psychological soundness and
Speaker:wellness, is trying to get you whole.
Speaker:All the symptoms in your sociology and your friends and enemies and things,
Speaker:supporters and challengers, are feedback systems to get you whole.
Speaker:When you get cocky, you attract criticism to bring you down., when you get down,
Speaker:you get lifted by people who support you,
Speaker:to try to get you back into equilibrium where you embrace both sides of
Speaker:yourself. And also, even tragic events and comical events are really mechanisms,
Speaker:feedback mechanisms to get you authentic to where you can embrace
Speaker:the whole of yourself.
Speaker:The second you get cocky and exaggerate yourself and try to deny one half,
Speaker:you get humbling circumstances, hubris. And the second you minimize yourself,
Speaker:you get people lifting you up,
Speaker:to try to get you back into the center where both sides are embraced and
Speaker:honored. So I'm not here to teach you how to get rid of half of yourself.
Speaker:I'm not here to try to make you one sided.
Speaker:I'm not here to teach you positive thinking.
Speaker:You need positive thinking if you're down,
Speaker:you need negative thinking if you're up,
Speaker:you need balanced thinking if you want to master your life.
Speaker:How you going to have a balanced physiology if you
Speaker:How are you going to have a balanced bank account if you don't have a balanced
Speaker:mind? You know, it's interesting,
Speaker:the banks will loan you money with a credit card.
Speaker:You'll go out and shop and you'll have the pleasure of shopping, retail therapy.
Speaker:Then 30 days later, you'll have the pain of paying the bill.
Speaker:They've separated pleasure from pain.
Speaker:And anytime you separate pleasure from pain, you think you can get this,
Speaker:without this.
Speaker:When you go out and shop and you actually don't have a credit card,
Speaker:but you actually have cash and you buy it immediately,
Speaker:you immediately feel the pain of that going out of your pocket,
Speaker:as you pleasure is of buying.
Speaker:And then what happens is you immediately start and think more rationally about
Speaker:your purchase instead of impulsively. So the second you separate the pairs,
Speaker:you immediately go into impulsive amygdala behavior and you immediately think
Speaker:you can get a pleasure without a pain with immediate gratification.
Speaker:But the second you put the pain and the pleasure together and put the pairs of
Speaker:opposite together,
Speaker:you're more rational and objective and you go into the forebrain and then you
Speaker:stop and go,
Speaker:'Is this really a priority?' And then you buy by priority instead of buy by
Speaker:impulse. So anytime we separate these inseparable's, divide the indivisible's,
Speaker:label the unlableble's polarize the unpolarizable's, and name the ineffable's,
Speaker:we have a crazy aspect of life.
Speaker:And we end up saying 'always' and 'nevers'. When somebody says,
Speaker:'I will always do this, I would never stop doing that.'
Speaker:Or 'I would never do that.
Speaker:I'll always this way.' You can guarantee that's an illusion. Nobody's one sided,
Speaker:no event's one-sided there's certain laws in the universe that may show that,
Speaker:you're always going to fall if you jump off a building,
Speaker:you're always going to probably react if you put your hand on fire,
Speaker:but not when it comes to the general principles of human behavior,
Speaker:you're a two-sided individual. Every pair of opposites come together.
Speaker:Heraclitus 2,600 years ago wrote about this and said,
Speaker:there's a unity of opposites and anytime you separate them you eventually get
Speaker:humbled to find out that they're actually comes a pair. And quantum physics,
Speaker:particles and antiparticles are entangled.
Speaker:They appear to be separated by a de-coherent measurement,
Speaker:but in actuality they're always paired with an opposite side.
Speaker:And the moment you see both sides and become present with both sides,
Speaker:you go back into your executive center, you get objective in life,
Speaker:you get appreciation, love, inspiration, gratitude,
Speaker:you end up having a whole nother state. You end up having mastery.
Speaker:So I'm not here to try to get rid of you, half of you,
Speaker:I'm here to help you understand and love all parts of you.
Speaker:That's one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:and one of the reasons I'm teaching the Demartini Method,
Speaker:to try to help people who have basically been dividing themselves up. You know,
Speaker:they say it in biblical writings that you divide your house,
Speaker:the house doesn't stand. And any time you divide yourself up, you can't,
Speaker:you'll fall. So you're not here to be one sided.
Speaker:You're here to embrace two sides of life.
Speaker:So I'm a firm believer that if you embrace both sides of your life,
Speaker:you're going to have more gratitude, love, inspiration, enthusiasm, certainty,
Speaker:and presence, more mastery, more leadership skills.
Speaker:And I've been demonstrating that and proving that in
Speaker:and with this method for many years now, decades, in fact,
Speaker:so I'm not here to say, get rid of something, I'm here to embrace all parts.
Speaker:So if you say never say never,
Speaker:you now understand that term and where it comes from,
Speaker:because it's not about a one sided world. It's about embracing both sides.
Speaker:So now,
Speaker:our brain is automatically designed to help us fulfill our authenticity.
Speaker:Everything that's going on in our life is actually trying to get us authentic,
Speaker:everything that's going on in our physiology, psychology, sociology,
Speaker:and even theology is trying to help us become authentic self, our whole,
Speaker:both sided being. So beware. If somebody says to you,
Speaker:'You're a mean person.' I immediately go, 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' I definitely have demonstrated things that other people have
Speaker:perceived as mean. If they say, 'You're a nice person.' 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' I've been honest. 'Yep. At times.' Been dishonest. 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' When I look at my life, there's nothing missing.
Speaker:At the level of the essence of the soul, which is the authentic you,
Speaker:the state of unconditional love, nothing's missing in you.
Speaker:At the level of the existence of your senses,
Speaker:where you judge things and be biased and subjective biased in the amygdala's
Speaker:response, you automatically think there's things missing.
Speaker:You're too proud or too humble to admit what you see in others inside you,
Speaker:and you end up judging people. And whenever you judge people, you feel empty.
Speaker:And whenever you love people, you feel full. If you want fulfillment in life,
Speaker:it's owning both sides, seeing both sides,
Speaker:honoring both sides and not living in a moral hypocrisy of trying to
Speaker:be a one-sided individual. It's not going to happen. You can try,
Speaker:you can lie to yourself. I have people that come to me and said, 'I never lie.
Speaker:I'm always honest.' And I just go,
Speaker:'Aren't you lying right now?'
more advantage than disadvantage about something, you'll do it.
Speaker:If you perceive more disadvantage, you won't.
Speaker:And we are both honest and dishonest at different times in our life,
Speaker:if we're really honest with ourself.
Speaker:We skew things and exaggerate things. In the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:when people come to me, I ask them to pick somebody that they resent.
Speaker:And each time they come in there with something they resent about an individual,
Speaker:I have them go through a series of questions. Okay.
Speaker:Where and when do you display and demonstrate that
Speaker:They first they define what they resent, the specific action that they resent,
Speaker:where do you do it? And then they find out my God,
Speaker:I've done it to the same degree they have, quantitatively, qualitatively,
Speaker:I've done the same thing. To their dismay, there it was.
Speaker:And I make them look and accountable and I don't make them make things up,
Speaker:I make them hold them accountable until they really look and they go, wow,
Speaker:I've been denying it and have been exaggerating me and minimizing them,
Speaker:I've been too proud to admit what I see in them inside me.
Speaker:And then I go and find out, how did it serve you? If a trait is on this planet,
Speaker:it must serve or it would've gone extinct.
Speaker:What's the benefit of that behavior that they did? How did it help you?
Speaker:Is it helping you realize what you're judging in yourself?
Speaker:Is it making you wake up? Is it helping you become more humble?
Speaker:Is it helping you to communicate more effectively?
Speaker:Is it helping you get off your high horse and pedestal? Is it making you real?
Speaker:Is it making you learn how to communicate more effectively? As I said.
Speaker:All those things, there's a benefit to it. And the thing you think is down,
Speaker:what's the upside, if you balance it, find out where you've done it,
Speaker:where you've done it and how did it benefit the people you've done it to.
Speaker:Where has that individual done the opposite behavior? At that moment,
Speaker:when that was occurring,
Speaker:where were you infatuated with the opposite behavior
Speaker:magnet? Because anything you infatuate with a trait,
Speaker:the opposite comes in to balance it. If you're addicted to protection,
Speaker:you'll attract aggression. If you're addicted to peace, you'll get the warrior.
Speaker:You're addicted to order, you'll get chaos.
Speaker:If you're addicted to somebody that's free, you'll attract constraint.
Speaker:Nature always has pairs of opposites.
Speaker:And anytime you try to get a one sided world,
Speaker:you're automatically going to get feedback, it doesn't exist.
Speaker:So I went through that in the Demartini Method and I helped the people who come
Speaker:there with this resentment, and when they're done,
Speaker:they just actually have gratitude, they have love for this person.
Speaker:I even ask them;
Speaker:if this individual were exactly the opposite of what they resented,
Speaker:what would be the drawback? And I cracked the fantasy.
Speaker:Many people have a fantasy of trying to get a nice without a mean,
Speaker:and then the thing that they do that they perceive is now mean because they're
Speaker:comparing it to some fantasy they have. As long as you're addicted to fantasy,
Speaker:your life will be a nightmare. As long as you're addicted to elation,
Speaker:you'll feel depressed. Depression is a
Speaker:comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you're addicted to.
Speaker:Anytime we're addicted to one side,
Speaker:the other side smacks us because the magnet is whole. And if we are, you know,
Speaker:distress,
Speaker:the distress response is actually a result of being addicted to one side and
Speaker:being smacked by the other. That's called distress. When you embrace both sides,
Speaker:simultaneously, you have eustress, and distress is illness promoting.
Speaker:So embracing both sides of life is basically an empowerment,
Speaker:but trying to get rid of one side of life is futile. And I mean, futile.
Speaker:It will be futile trying to get a one side life.
Speaker:If you're in a marriage and you expect nice without mean, not going to happen.
Speaker:Kind without cruel, peace without war. If you look carefully,
Speaker:I've asked thousands of families, 'How many have you had peace and war,
Speaker:nice and mean, kind and cruel?' All the hands go up.
Speaker:'How many have had only peace?' No hand goes up.
Speaker:I'm talking about thousands and thousands of people. So don't live in a fantasy.
Speaker:The magnificence of the way life truly is,
Speaker:is far greater than the fantasies you'll impose on it. So beware.
Speaker:When you say 'I would never do something like that',
Speaker:take a look at where you're already doing it.
Speaker:Because you're already pointing your finger back at yourself,
Speaker:and own the traits. I always say, when you own all your traits,
Speaker:the world outside you doesn't run your life.
Speaker:When you embrace all parts of yourself and love all parts,
Speaker:it's easy for other people to do that.
Speaker:And when you realize that they have both sides,
Speaker:it's more realistic about your expectations on them.
Speaker:I don't have an expectation somebody's always going to be nice to me.
Speaker:That's completely delusional. If I want them to be nice
Speaker:I have to learn what they value and communicate in those values.
Speaker:And if I want them to be mean,
Speaker:I communicate in a way that doesn't meet their values.
Speaker:I can be nice as a pussycat, mean as a tiger. And so can they.
Speaker:So learning about human values,
Speaker:which is what I teach in the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:learning how to communicate in people's values respectfully,
Speaker:learning what your own values are,
Speaker:so you can communicate what's important to you in terms of what's important to
Speaker:them, changes the game. And embrace both sides of your existence.
Speaker:The world around you has two sides. You have both sides.
Speaker:The people around you have both sides. Even an objective has two sides.
Speaker:A fantasy is one side, and fantasies aren't going to get you anywhere.
Speaker:You don't have a fantasy to go to Mars,
Speaker:you have an objective and you mitigate the risks and you prepare for both sides,
Speaker:the challenges and the opportunities that are there,
Speaker:and the opportunities and the threats as they call it in business development.
Speaker:So embrace both sides and your life changes.
Speaker:So I just wanted take the time to understand that, never say never,
Speaker:because if you swear you would never do something, it's coming upon you.
Speaker:Or you always, the same thing, don't always say always, because if they say,
Speaker:I would always be that way, I would never do that,
Speaker:you can guarantee that it's just around the bend that you wake up and be humbled
Speaker:by this illusion. Embrace both sides of yourself.
Speaker:In the Breakthrough Experience that's what I'm teaching people to do.
Speaker:The person that comes to Breakthrough, they come in with a resentment,
Speaker:they go out with love. They come in there with an illusion,
Speaker:they go out with an understanding.
Speaker:Now they're prepared for an objective world and they can now not live in this
Speaker:fantasy of trying to get a one-sided world. Remember what the Buddha says,
Speaker:the desire for that which is unobtainable, one side of the magnet,
Speaker:and the desire to avoid the other side of the magnet, that which is unavoidable,
Speaker:is the source of human suffering.
Speaker:So I just wanted to take the time to address that, this this little webinar,
Speaker:hope you got a few notes out of it.
Speaker:And I'd just like to share with you something that I know will help you.
Speaker:And that is
If you want to master your mind and your life and you want to have personal
Speaker:tools that can actually transform your life,
Speaker:I guarantee you that this program is a powerful tool.
Speaker:I've been doing it 33 years. 33 years plus now, it's over 33 years.
Speaker:I've done it 1,146 times in many,
Speaker:many countries around the world,
Speaker:a hundred thousand people more have been to this program.
Speaker:And I am absolutely certain if a person comes to this program,
Speaker:will open their mind, open their eyes, help them be more appreciative of life,
Speaker:more grateful for life. They're going to end up having more love, inspiration,
Speaker:enthusiasm, certainty, and presence.
Speaker:I'm going to show them how to dissolve baggage.
Speaker:I'm going to show them how to empower each of the seven areas of life,
Speaker:because any of your life you don't empower, people are going to overpower.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to not subordinate to people,
Speaker:which injects values and distracts you,
Speaker:disempowers you and clouds the clarity of a mission.
Speaker:Show you how to define what a mission is,
Speaker:what's really important and how to have meaning in life,
Speaker:to extract that meaning out of whatever happens in your life.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to basically a manifestation formula,
Speaker:how to take what it is you dream about and put it into reality.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to wake up your natural born leader inside,
Speaker:so you can lead the way instead of being a follower of the herd,
Speaker:so you can get heard. I'm going to show you basically how to master your life.
Speaker:It's a very powerful two day experience. It's about 24 hours with me.
Speaker:You've got 30 minutes with me right now,
Speaker:but if you can imagine 24 hours of intense stuff and practicals,
Speaker:things you can actually take home with a manual that you can use the rest of
Speaker:your life. In addition to that, I also want to make sure you know,
Speaker:that you can also get,
Speaker:be part of a community from around the world of people that have been through
Speaker:that program that understand that and be able to use that and have a network of
Speaker:people that are more on the path of mastery.
Speaker:And so you're not surrounded by people that always want to keep you in,
Speaker:the crabs in the bucket syndrome. So if you want to grow from that,
Speaker:come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:One of the things I love doing is transforming people's lives.
Speaker:Just like I love doing these presentations. I love transform life.
Speaker:I'd love to help you transform your life.
Speaker:I'd love to show you how to master it and do something extraordinary with it.
Speaker:So come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:I know it'll make a difference and thank you for joining me for this little
Speaker:webinar. I know that each of these days,
Speaker:we wake up a little bit of an idea and stimulates you,
Speaker:but I look forward to seeing you next week,
Speaker:but come to the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:the people's lives that I've seen and the transformation,
Speaker:the letters I've received are tear jerking,
Speaker:mind blowing and amazing people out in the world are a result of that
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience of doing extraordinary things.
Speaker:I'll see you at the Breakthrough Experience.