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We're diving into some serious stuff today as we shift the podcast's vibe from Stillness in the Storms to Living Deeper Lives. I want to explore what it really means to be 100% human, especially when it comes to dealing with our emotions. Life throws curveballs at us, and how we handle those moments—like hearing bad news or feeling overwhelmed—is crucial. We're talking about riding the emotional waves instead of trying to calm the ocean. Join me as we figure out how to accept our feelings, embrace our humanity, and live those deeper lives we’re all searching for.
Living Deeper Lives takes a fresh turn with a new name and a broader focus. The podcast, formerly known as Stillness in the Storms, is now about embracing our humanity and the full range of emotions we experience. I want to dive deeper into what it means to be human and how we can navigate the tough stuff that life throws our way. Today, we're tackling those unexpected phone calls that change everything; you know, the ones that leave us reeling. We share personal stories, including a heartbreaking moment I faced when I learned of a friend's passing. It’s about acknowledging those feelings and understanding that everyone reacts differently to loss and grief. We explore how to sit with those emotions instead of shoving them aside, and the importance of allowing ourselves to feel. Emotions are like waves, and rather than trying to calm the ocean, we learn to ride those waves, letting them come and go as they please. This episode sets the stage for what’s to come in Living Deeper Lives, where we’ll learn to live more fully and authentically.
Takeaways:
Hey, welcome to Living Deeper Lives.
Speaker A:Yeah, you're not on the wrong podcast.
Speaker A:I'm changing the name.
Speaker A:I used to be called Stillness in the Storms, but from now on, it's going to be Living Deeper Lives.
Speaker A:And over the next few weeks, you're going to see the rebranding of that.
Speaker A:It opens the doors up to more of what I want to talk about, more of the conversation, and where I want to move it to.
Speaker A:You see, Stillness in the Storms will still be a large part of the podcast, but I want to have some guests, and I want to dive deeper into what it means to be a full human, what it means to be 100% human.
Speaker A:And I really want to tackle the topic of human emotions and how we deal with the deeper human emotions.
Speaker A:And very often from a young age, we're told to suppress our emotions.
Speaker A:We're told to wipe them away.
Speaker A:And our parents do it to us because they don't want to see us in pain.
Speaker A:So they try to prevent our pain when we're crying or upset or angry.
Speaker A:They don't want to see that because that triggers a reaction in them, and nobody likes to feel bad.
Speaker A:So I want to steer the show more in that direction, and I hope you'll understand that it's where the conversation needs to go.
Speaker A:And on today's show, we're talking about how do you deal with life when it suddenly gives you that curveball, when suddenly somebody phones you up and says it's over, or you get a call from the doctors and your blood tests are not what you expect them to be?
Speaker A:You suddenly get a phone call from somebody that says, your friend's passed away or something.
Speaker A:How do you deal with those times?
Speaker A:And also, how do you deal with when you're watching the news and something triggers you and makes you really mad?
Speaker A:How do we stay in that moment and we're able to hold that emotion without losing our senses and without reacting in a bad way that makes things a whole lot worse.
Speaker A:I want to start with a story about when I was sat here.
Speaker A:Virtually where I'm to now is just facing the other wall.
Speaker A:And I've had my room redone since then.
Speaker A:I was facing the wall and with my monitor and all in front of me, and the telephone went.
Speaker A:And my partner at the time was sat behind me on a sofa in the other room, and the phone went.
Speaker A:I picked it up and, hello.
Speaker A:And someone who I had never spoke to before was on the end of the line.
Speaker A:They said, hi, is that Stephen?
Speaker A:I said, yes.
Speaker A:You don't Know B.
Speaker A:But are you Claire's friend from down in Cornwall?
Speaker A:I said, yeah, I am.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:And she said, well, Claire passed away last night.
Speaker A:And I said, okay, thank you for letting me know.
Speaker A:And I put down the phone and I just sat there in complete silence.
Speaker A:And after what seemed an age, it was probably only 10 seconds, Emma looked up and said, who was that?
Speaker A:And I said, oh, it was Claire's friend.
Speaker A:Because Claire was away at the time.
Speaker A:She was training to be a nurse.
Speaker A:I said, it's Claire's friend.
Speaker A:And she went, okay, what does she want?
Speaker A:I said, claire passed away last night.
Speaker A:And I carried on with my work.
Speaker A:And Emma burst out in tears.
Speaker A:She had a friend here at the time, and her friend started crying, and I just carried on my work.
Speaker A:And it wasn't for a good 15, 20 minutes that it suddenly occurred to me that I just lost my best friend.
Speaker A:I lost somebody that I'd spent a good part of the last 10 years at that point with in regards to.
Speaker A:We laughed together, we cried together, we were miserable and lonely together.
Speaker A:It was like dating without the relationship.
Speaker A:She had the most infectious laugh.
Speaker A:And what do you do with that?
Speaker A:How do you cope with that?
Speaker A:Because here's me not being able to deal with it, not being able to cope in any way, just carrying on my work.
Speaker A:My partner's crying, and we all react differently.
Speaker A:We all react.
Speaker A:Respond differently whenever we hear news like this.
Speaker A:And as time went on over the few days and I started crying more and more, and it started to really come over me like waves.
Speaker A:And this is what I wanted to talk about, is these waves.
Speaker A:You know, feelings are like waves.
Speaker A:They're like the ocean.
Speaker A:And when we first sit in meditation, we almost want to calm this ocean.
Speaker A:We want to make everything smooth, and we want to get rid of all the ruts.
Speaker A:But that's not how it works.
Speaker A:You cannot get rid of all the ruts.
Speaker A:You cannot get rid of all the bends in the road.
Speaker A:But you get the point.
Speaker A:You cannot calm that sea.
Speaker A:No matter how much you try, the waves are going to continue.
Speaker A:So what do we do?
Speaker A:We learn to ride the waves.
Speaker A:We learn to allow that wave to come up, and we learn to just bob up and down with the wave.
Speaker A:I come from Cornwall, and I'm still in Cornwall.
Speaker A:I was born here.
Speaker A:And we're surrounded by beaches.
Speaker A:So before breaking my neck, I knew what it was like to sit on, like, a surfboard out on the sea.
Speaker A:And while you're waiting for the big break or the big wave to come, I wasn't because I wasn't a very good surfer at all.
Speaker A:So I wasn't really waiting for the big wave, but I was out there beyond the break.
Speaker A:And you didn't get annoyed by the waves.
Speaker A:You just allowed them to come and go and you'd bob up and down.
Speaker A:And that's what we got to do with emotions, is don't get annoyed by them.
Speaker A:Allow them to come and go and identify them.
Speaker A:Just, you know, that's grief, that's sadness, that's loneliness.
Speaker A:And the more we do that, the more we experience being a full human and the less we avoid it.
Speaker A:We really spend so much time trying to avoid these emotions that we don't like the emotions that we're trying to push away.
Speaker A:And the answer is not to avoid them.
Speaker A:You remember the Serenity prayer, and this is what reminds me of the waves and acceptance.
Speaker A:God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Speaker A:And I was talking to somebody today, and this is what made me think about doing this podcast.
Speaker A:And that is, we often think of that serenity prayer as something big, except the big things that happen in the world, the big things that happen to us, and the courage to change the big things within us and try to change the big things in the world.
Speaker A:But I think that serenity prayer is much more subtle than that.
Speaker A:I think it goes down to a single thought or a single emotion.
Speaker A:You imagine if you had the wisdom to feel the emotion arise and choose what to do with it, whether you choose to just allow it to flow through and then disappear, or do you fight it and end up annoyed by it, and then the wave gets bigger.
Speaker A:So I think we should look at this serenity prayer different.
Speaker A:You know, encourage, just change the things I can.
Speaker A:You can't change a thought once it's here.
Speaker A:Once an emotion has grown within you, it's there.
Speaker A:You know, if an emotion of loneliness is present, but you can't change that loneliness into a party animal.
Speaker A:You can't change that loneliness into gratitude.
Speaker A:That feeling is what it is.
Speaker A:It's like trying to change pots of paint.
Speaker A:You open it up and you go, I don't like that one.
Speaker A:Try to put the lid on it and put it to the side.
Speaker A:Well, it's still there.
Speaker A:It's still that color.
Speaker A:No matter how many times you put the lid back on it and put it to the side, at some point you gotta open that lid and you gotta paint yourself in that paint.
Speaker A:And when we do we accept it for what it is and then it moves on.
Speaker A:And I think that's a good message to start the new branding of the podcast on, because that's what the podcast can be about.
Speaker A:It's going to be about 10, 15 minute episodes.
Speaker A:It's going to be about living deeper lives.
Speaker A:And how do we do that?
Speaker A:How do we, you know, we've got all the span in the world.
Speaker A:We've got more friends than we ever have.
Speaker A:We've got more people in our span than in the whole of human history.
Speaker A:We used to have just a few people we knew in the village, maybe a few more in the school, and maybe you've been on holiday a couple of times or you went to stay with a friend in a nearby village.
Speaker A:But now you got the whole world.
Speaker A:And not only you got the whole world, you got the whole of your lifespan so far to collect these friends.
Speaker A:But are you living a deeper life?
Speaker A:Are you living a life with meaning and worthwhile and purpose?
Speaker A:That's what this podcast is going to be about.
Speaker A:So appreciate you being here, appreciate you listening.
Speaker A:If you could leave a review on itunes, that would be amazing.
Speaker A:Or wherever you listen to it to, if it's on Spotify, put a heart or subscribe, whatever you do on Spotify.
Speaker A:But until next week, live a deeper life.
Speaker A:Take control of those feelings.
Speaker A:Have the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Head over to my website, StephenWeb.com if you want to treat me to a coffee or download meditation that would help you through your anxiety.
Speaker A:Take care, guys.
Speaker A:Thank you.