If you're inspired to grow your leadership and communication skills, lead your teams with certainty and mutual respect, and foster a highly collaborative team environment, then read on for a few of Dr Demartini’s top leadership and management skills.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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If you are not seeing how what they're

dedicated to is fulfilling your life,

you're going to talk

down to them carelessly,

and you're going to be an autocrat and

you're going to be trying to project them

and motivating them with

all kind of incentives,

which is going to increase

the cost of managing people.

If you are a leader or aspire

to be a leader and manage

or lead organization or teams of people,

I'd like to share with you some things

that can be of a help in that management

process or leadership process.

No human being goes and joins

an organization or a company

or any association unless they

feel that they're going to fulfill

their values. They don't join organization

for the sake of the organization.

They join it because they feel that

they're going to fulfill what's most

meaningful and most important to them.

The same thing in any relationship.

People are in a relationship with you

because they feel somehow they're going to

fulfill what's important to them

in their life by being with you.

If they don't feel that anymore, they

move on. Well, if you want to lead people,

if you want a team spirit, if you will,

then knowing the values and what's

priority and what's really most

important to the people you're

going to lead is crucial. You know,

people as they, they're

not dedicated to you.

They're dedicated to the

fulfillment of what they value.

And if they think that what you're

up to is helping them fulfill that,

they look dedicated to you.

But I've proven that in

working with clients and

customers and people working in

business,

and I assure you that they're loyal to

their own values more so than loyal to

you.

So if you care enough about

the people in your team,

or in your organization, that

you may be managing or leading,

just know that if you don't know

what's really most important to them

you're going to have

more challenge doing so.

I did a very interesting study,

where I took 33

groups or couples that

did not know each other,

and we had an exercise where,

these people never met each other,

didn't know each other, they just

happened to be at one conference together,

and they met each other to conference.

They didn't know each other prior.

And I had them identify with my

Demartini Value Determination process,

which you can go on my website

and look up and see, it's free,

it's complimentary, it's private.

It's a series of 13 questions

to ask yourself to help discern

and narrow down what objectively your

life is demonstrating that's most

important to you, most valuable to you.

Because if you ask somebody what they

value in life and what's important to

them, many times they'll

give you skewed answers.

I've been doing this 46 years

on just Value Determination,

and I assure you that people

don't always know what they,

what they say is important, is

not what their life demonstrates,

let's put it that way.

But by going in and

answering these questions and

identifying what their values

are and what your values are, this

is very crucial. So in this group,

I took 33 pairs and I had them go

and do the Value Determination,

which you can get on my

website, and had them go through

and it took about 30 minutes,

to go and identify what their life was

demonstrating was most valuable to them.

Once we identified that, both

these people had their values,

then we spent almost two

hours asking this question,

how specifically is the very top

highest value in this individual

helping fulfill the very top

highest value in this individual?

So in other words, you're with your

pair, your partner, and you go,

so whatever your highest value is,

raising children, building a business,

growing wealth keeping

fit, whatever it may be,

how specifically is it

helping me fulfill mine?

Which in my case would be teaching and

research. Now my job is to find it.

If I can't see how what they're dedicated

to is helping me fulfill what I'm

dedicated to, I'm going to devalue them,

I'm going to talk down to them,

I'm going to project autocratically

my values onto them to try to

correct them and fix them and change them.

And nobody wants to be changed.

They want to be loved and appreciated

who they are and who they are revolves

around what they value most.

Your ontological identity revolves

around what you value most.

Your teleological purpose

revolves around what value most,

your epistemological area of knowledge

and core competence is around what you

value most. So knowing what's

highest on their value is crucial,

but if you can't see

how what their values,

their highest value and what

they're dedicated to is serving you,

you're going to want to fix them.

And you're going to be perceived

non charismatically as an autocrat

dictating and manipulating

people with, you know,

force to get them to do things.

And this is not the most

powerful leadership or

management style, if you will.

Most people do that because they don't

know how to communicate in people's

values,

and don't take the time and don't value

the person enough to want to take the

time to do that. But if

you can do this, ask,

how specifically is their top value,

their top one, first highest value,

helping you fulfill your top highest

value? And answer that 20 or 30 times.

And at first you're going to say it

doesn't, but your job is to find the link.

Because if you find the link,

the amount of effort to manage

and lead and govern teams,

goes way down.

You just liberated yourself because

now you're articulating fluently and

congruently what you want

in terms of what they want.

And caring enough to do that makes a

huge difference in the leadership style.

So you ask, how specifically is their top

value, what they're most dedicated to,

helping me fulfill what I'm most dedicated

to, my top value? And answer that 20,

30 times. Then I ask, how

specifically is my top value,

what I'm dedicated to helping them

fulfill what their top value is,

what they're dedicated to, answer that

20 or 30 times. The more you answer that,

the more communication, the

more dialogue you have. See,

if you don't see how what their values,

their top value is

helping you fulfill yours,

you're going to have an alternating

monologue. You're going to be speaking,

they're not listening, because they're

only interested in what they value,

or they're going to be

speaking, you're not listening.

But by linking top values together,

you enhance the communication and you

have dialogue, not alternating monologue.

Then you go to the second highest value.

How specific is their second highest

value helping you fulfill your first?

And how is your first

helping them in their second?

And then how is their

first helping your second?

And how is your second helping their

first? And if you go even step further,

how is their second highest value helping

you fulfill your second highest value?

And vice versa, 20 or 30 times. Now,

we had a two hour session where

people were linking values together.

When they started, they

didn't know each other,

they didn't even relate to each other.

And it didn't matter what their

values were. Once they linked this,

and some did the first to the

first, first to the second,

second to the first and

second to the second.

Some went even further into the first

to the third and third to the first.

Nobody got all the way third to the third.

But we got all the way to the second

and a couple got to the third.

And what was interesting, at the end of

it, in two hours we went, okay, stop,

they made all these links. Right now,

how many of you are deeply

appreciating this individual,

engaged in now deep conversation,

appreciating them and now actually

want to interact and become

connected to them? And the hands went up.

And we found out that out of 33 pairs,

27 of them started doing business

together with each other,

even though they didn't

know each other beforehand.

They literally started doing

interactive business with each other,

because they took the time to care enough

about another individual to find out

what's most important to them,

most meaningful, most inspiring,

and most priority, highest valued, and

link those to their highest values.

Anytime two people can

connect the highest values,

the engagement and

appreciation and reflection and

appreciation of each other go

up. And this is the way to

have a relationship. Now,

if you are not seeing how what they're

dedicated to is fulfilling your life,

you're going to talk

down to them carelessly,

and you're going to be an autocrat and

you're going to be trying to project them

and motivating them with

all kind of incentives,

which is going to increase

the cost of managing people.

If you minimize yourself

and exaggerate them,

you're going to sacrifice for them.

One is you're going to be

narcissistically telling them what to do.

The other is going to be

sacrificing altruistically for them,

walking on eggshells carefully.

And again, that's not the way,

you're not getting what

you want out of it.

They're not getting out the first

one when you're narcissistic,

you're not getting what you want

altruistic. But when you link those,

you have now caring, not careful,

not careless, but caring.

And that's the one that keeps

rings on fingers in marriages,

but it also keeps the dialogue

going in in the organization.

And if you do that amongst team members

and amongst the leadership role,

you can lead the teams way

more effectively because

you know what's important to

them. And you talk in terms of

what's their highest values.

You can lead, you can manage,

you can negotiate, you can sell,

and you can communicate what you

want in terms of their values,

their dominant buying motives if it's a

sales person and the thing that they're

engaged in most at work, if it's somebody

that's an employee. And if you do,

your team effort will go up. And

if the people in a organization,

a team in an organization will

do that amongst themselves,

they'll maximize their teamwork.

They'll have the benefits of

all of them working together.

I've been teaching this 46 years on

values and doing this in leadership and

management and communications

for decades now.

I already know it works.

We've seen the evidence and I just

wanted to take the time to share with you

that,

because if you take the time to care

enough about another human being to find

out what's most important in their life

and communicate what's most important to

you in terms of what's

most important to them,

the relationship dynamic flourishes.

You have sustainable fair exchange and

all relationships are striving for that,

whether it conscious or not.

And if you maximize that

potential between you two,

you both help each other

get what they want in life.

And this is a mutualism that's

makes everybody get more fulfilled.

And you take the time to

communicate differently.

I've seen what happens when all of a

sudden you get frustrated and you think

that what their values are are wrong.

I see this in schools with teachers.

I see this in relationships and parents

with kids. I see this in marriages,

they're on the blink.

I watch what happens.

I've done this with marriage counseling

where people are sitting there and they

identify the value of one partner,

identify the value of that.

We had this in Denver, Colorado one time,

a man and woman who were

about to go through a divorce.

They were already in the making

of it. And I had them go through,

they happened to come to this

program I did as a last resort.

I had them do just that exercise

and a bit on the Demartini Method.

And there was no end of the relationship

after that. They're still together.

Only because they didn't

know how to communicate.

They didn't know how to articulate what

they wanted in a way where the other

person was engaged in

assisting and helping.

So I just wanted to take the time to go

through that because if you're leading a

team, managing a team, organizing a team,

if you know what each individual

in that team's values are,

and care enough to communicate

what you value in terms of that,

and link the values so you can

respectfully communicate with dialogue,

it makes a huge difference in

the teamwork. And you know,

I made it in my book The Values Factor,

and I teach it every weekend in the

Breakthrough Experience how to do this.

And I'm absolutely

certain it's gold .

So just know that if you find out what

the top three values of the person that

you want to communicate with and your

own top three values and make links

between them, you can change

the dynamic of the relationship,

even if it's already on the edge,

you can bring it back into the center and

and enhance the relationship dynamics.

I've seen it over and over

again. Either parents to kids,

parents between each other, teachers

to students, students between students,

even bullies, you know how

to communicate in a bully,

you change the bullies

perspective. And people at work,

team effort. I mean, it goes on and on,

it's one of the most significant things

you can learn in your life is mastering

the art of communicating effectively

what you value in terms of what other

people value. It'll help you in sales,

help you in leadership, management,

communication, every area of your

life it's going to be enhanced,

with any human being that you're

going to be interacting with.

So I just wanted to share that.

Please go to my book The Values Factor

for more information on that or come to

the Breakthrough Experience. If you

come to the Breakthrough Experience,

I give you firsthand experience on

what that is and how to do that.

And also go online to my drdemartini.com

and go and do the Value Determination

process. Determine what your values are.

Don't make assumptions of what they are,

go through a methodical process

and look objectively what your life

demonstrates,

because If you just think of what

you suspect and speculate about it,

instead of really be objective about it,

you'll be linking things

that aren't really true,

and then you'll wonder why it backfires.

Care enough to help them know what's

important to them and find out what's

important to you. And master the

art of communicating what you value,

highest value, in terms of

what their highest value is.

It makes a huge difference in your

management and leadership of teams.