For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Understanding the crucial distinction between anger, abuse and violence is essential for fostering healthier relationships. This episode of the Anger Secrets podcast delves into these concepts, highlighting that emotional abuse often leaves deeper scars than physical harm.

Listeners will learn about the five main types of abuse and discover why taking responsibility for abusive behaviors is vital for personal growth and change.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger is an emotion while abuse and violence are actions that cause harm.
• Understanding the distinction between feeling angry and acting abusively is crucial for relationships.
• Emotional abuse can leave deeper scars than physical abuse, impacting mental health significantly.
• Taking responsibility for abusive behaviors is the first step towards meaningful change and healing.
• Seeking professional help for anger issues demonstrates courage and a desire for growth.
• Recognising that abuse and violence are fundamentally the same can help address personal accountability.

Links referenced in this episode:

For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.

To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.

Do you act as if anger, abuse and violence are all the same, or do you assume that if you become angry, you will automatically also become abusive or violent?

These misconceptions are more common than you think, but they're dangerously far from the truth.

In today's episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, we'll dive deep into what anger, abuse and violence really are, how they intersect and why understanding their differences is crucial for healthier relationships.

You'll also discover the five main types of abuse, why emotional scars often cut deeper than physical ones, and how recognizing these truths can empower you to take responsibility and make meaningful changes in your life.

This isn't just another conversation about anger.

It's a roadmap to creating calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.

If you're ready to face these truths head on and start transforming your life, don't miss this episode.

It could change everything.

Hello and welcome to episode 121 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm your host, Alastair Dewes, and over the last 30 years I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.

In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.

For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honoured to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.

Now, let's jump into what anger, abuse and violence really are.

Let's begin with understanding what is anger?

As I have stated in previous episodes of this podcast, at its most basic level, anger is a feeling or an emotion.

This makes anger similar to feelings such as happiness, joy, shame, sadness, confusion or fear.

Also, as with any other feeling, physical changes usually occur when you get angry.

These may include an increased heart rate, feeling hot or flushed in the face, clenching your fists or gritting your teeth.

In theory, anger is a normal and healthy emotion, and it can help motivate people to act when they feel wronged or threatened.

However, anger quickly becomes problematic in practice if it's not managed or expressed healthily.

In fact, with the clients I work with, anger is very rarely a helpful emotion.

Instead, it often leads to unhealthy or destructive behaviour, such as losing your temper, shouting at others, or even becoming physically violent.

This brings me to my next point, which is what is abuse?

With clients I work with, I define abuse as any behaviour intended to control, intimidate, manipulate or hurt another person.

According to this definition, abuse can take many forms.

For example, in a relationship, the five most common types of abuse are verbal, emotional, psychological, physical or sexual abuse.

These forms of abuse often go hand in hand with anger, as when you get angry, you may often act in abusive ways, such as by yelling at, insulting or degrading your partner.

However, it is essential to note that while anger is a feeling, abuse is an action.

It is possible to feel angry at your partner and not act on it, and it is possible to act in abusive ways without being angry.

Summarising this episode so far, anger is an emotion and abuse is an action.

Understanding this distinction is essential for recognizing and addressing unhealthy relationship patterns.

Now let's delve into what violence is and how it relates to anger and abuse.

Again, with clients I work with, I define violence as any behaviour intended to control, intimidate, manipulate or hurt another person.

You may notice that this definition is the same as the definition I have used for abuse.

This is because I believe there is no difference between abuse and violence.

Basically, abuse and violence are the same thing.

Why is this?

The answer to this question lies in the impact of these behaviours.

For example, I often ask people I work with to think about their childhood.

Many of the people I work with have experienced abuse or violence as children.

For example, many of my clients have witnessed arguments between their parents while growing up.

They may recall one parent shouting at the other parent, belittling them or telling them they are good for nothing, worthless or hopeless.

Many of these people have also experienced physical abuse as children.

For example, they may have been hit by a parent, had things thrown at them, or been pushed or shoved.

At these times, the abusive parent would usually also say cruel things to my clients, including words that hurt, embarrass or humiliate them.

When I discuss these events with my clients, I often ask them which had the most effect on them, the physical abuse they suffered or the emotional abuse.

Almost always the answer is emotional abuse.

This is because emotional abuse often leaves deeper scars and causes more significant long term effects than physical abuse.

This is why I believe there is no real difference between abuse and violence.

Essentially, they are the same thing.

Behaviour intended to control, intimidate, manipulate or hurt another person.

I know that this may be hard to hear.

For example, if you have acted in abusive ways, such as yelling at, insulting or degrading your partner, you may not think of yourself as violent, but you may not be thinking about the effects of your abusive actions.

These effects are likely to be as bad as or worse than the effects of physical violence.

For this reason, if you have abused another person, whether it is verbal, emotional, psychological, physical or sexual abuse, then in my opinion, you have been violent towards them.

It is essential to take responsibility for this violence.

Accepting that you have been violent will allow you to seek help to change your behaviour.

It is an act of courage, not of weakness, to seek help for anger issues.

If you are willing to take this step, please seek a therapist or counsellor who can help you.

Or as an alternative, my life changing online program, the Complete Anger Management System will teach you the skills you need to control your anger, master your emotions and create healthier, more respectful relationships.

You can find more details about this course by visiting my website, anger secrets.com Remember, however, if you have acted in abusive ways in the past, you are not a bad person.

Instead, you have probably learned some unhealthy ways of relating to other people, either from your upbringing or from patterns in the culture that you were raised in.

Fortunately, you can change these patterns.

With help, you can learn new, healthier ways of relating to others.

You can eliminate abuse and violence from your life and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships that benefit everyone involved.

Please take the first step today to change your behaviour.

Remember, it takes courage to seek help, but it is worth it.

You deserve to create happy, healthy and respectful relationships in your life.

Okay, let's summarize what you have learned in today's episode.

You have learned that anger is an emotion, abuse and violence are actions.

There are five main types of abuse in relationships, namely verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse.

The effects of emotional abuse can be as bad or worse than than the effects of physical violence.

And for this reason I believe that there is no difference between abuse and violence.

And if you have acted in abusive ways, it is essential to take responsibility for your behaviour and seek help to change.

This will allow you to create healthier, more respectful relationships in your life.

Ok, that's all for today's episode on what is anger, abuse and Violence.

If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast.

Head to your favourite podcast app and leave a rating and review.

This helps other people struggling with anger to find and benefit from this show.

Remember, for free support on your anger management journey, including free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.

Call with me, visit my website angersecrets.com or if you would like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.

I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.

Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.