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Goal Setting Is a Two Spouse Exercise! | Series 6.1
Episode 13rd January 2022 • Enjoy More 30s: Family Finance • Joseph P. Okaly
00:00:00 00:12:56

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Get your list of goals for this New Year to find out where you both want your ship to sail.

  • Goals are to give you a better chance of achieving something more quickly than you otherwise would have without goals. (04:50)
  • What makes each of you happy now? (06:04)
  • What would make you happier? (07:15)
  • What keeps you up at night? (08:41)

Quote for the episode: "So goals overall can be things to add to your happiness, or things that can also stop detracting from your happiness." (10:08)

Securities offered through TFS Securities, Inc., and Advisory Services through TFS Advisory Services, an SEC Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA/SIPC. TFS Securities, Inc., is located at 437 Newman Springs Road, Lincroft, NJ 07738 (732) 758-9300.

Transcripts

Voiceover Audio:

Welcome to the EnjoyMore30s Family Finance

Voiceover Audio:

podcast. The only podcast dedicated to making life more

Voiceover Audio:

enjoyable for young families by hitting on the financial topics

Voiceover Audio:

that tend to weigh on us, stress us out, and distract our focus

Voiceover Audio:

from simply enjoying life.

Joseph Okaly:

Hello, and welcome to this next series that we've

Joseph Okaly:

put together for you on the EnjoyMore30s Family Finance

Joseph Okaly:

podcast. It's really exciting after a couple of weeks here to

Joseph Okaly:

be back, to be able to bring you some new content hopefully be

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able to help you in a new way in a new year. And so you know,

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being a new year, this is the time where we all get kind of

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energized. You know, we have new beginnings, new improvements,

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new steps that we can take forward that we didn't quite get

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to maybe the year before. So we're going to help you focus

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all that energy in this series when it comes to your finances

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specifically, so you can get off to that great start in this new

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year.

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As always, if you do like what you're hearing, please make sure

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to subscribe, follow us on Apple podcast. Really wherever you

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listen, clicking that star, leaving the review, it really

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really helps us reach the quite literally millions of other

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young families out there just like you. If you want to hear a

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focus on finances related to your mindset, your parent's

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mindset or even helping your kids with their own mindsets

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growing up, then check out some of our past seasons that dive

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really deep into those various areas. This series though, like

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I said, is about getting off on the right foot for this new

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year, and is why we titled this series, Setting Your Compass For

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The New Year. We'll have lots of great nautical references and

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puns just to you know, try to tie that in as much as possible.

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And there will also be lots of exclamation points flying around

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in the titles to try and help leverage that energy, right?

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It's a new year, and we want to harness that energy to do good

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things. So we're going to cover how to set that financial

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compass for the new year, putting yourself first, using

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what we call a bucketing strategy to help organize and

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prioritize your goals and really much much more exclamation point

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on top of that.

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Today's title specifically is titled Goal Setting Is a Two

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Spouse Exercise!, where we're going to talk about the very

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first part in setting that compass, which is really

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figuring out where exactly you want to go, right? And really

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not only where you want to go, but more accurately where you

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both want to go. The goal for today's episode is for you to

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walk away with clear questions to get that list of goals for

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this new year, we need to know where that ship is sailing. So

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when you're married, you have one ship, you're two people, but

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you're floating on one ship. You may decide to have separate bank

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accounts, split up who's responsible for you know the

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electric bill versus paying the mortgage. But you cumulatively

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have one ship still. You're agreeing maybe to have separate

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chores to upkeep and separate closets even to keep all your

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tools in that you're going to do it with. But a ship can only

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sail in one direction at one time. It has one steering wheel

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that you and your spouse have to sit together and you know, over

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my almost 15 years of working with families, I've seen

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countless times that spouses kind of look awkwardly at each

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other, when we ask them about their goals, and their spouse

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gives maybe a totally different answer than what they expected.

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"You think I'm working til 65?! There's no way I'm going to do

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this for that long. I don't like my job!" So things like that. If

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you haven't had a goal conversation with your spouse,

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this means you're certainly not at all alone. But this is still

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the first step now where you may want your journey to take you

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determines on how you build and pack this ship to help take you

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there. To aid you in this conversation, I have a list of

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three different questions that I want to run through. And it's

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really a lot of the same questions I asked the families

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that we work with, to help them gain clarity on what actually

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would make them happy, what goals they should set. So that's

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a key point here that we want to make sure we don't forget too;

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goals are things that would make you happy, not what you think

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you need to do kind of goals. You don't have to retire early

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if you enjoy your job. Or if you'd rather just take more

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vacations and work longer, that's cool too. Or if retiring

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early is the only thing you think about then great, let's

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look 100% go for that. You don't have to move to say a bigger

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house and work really hard and more hours to help pay for that

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bigger house if you're happy in your current home. There's no

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right or wrong with any of this. There's just what would make you

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both happy and what wouldn't, so clear your mind of those

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supposed-to's as much as you can. The other point I'll give

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you ahead of time is that goals are not at all to make you feel

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like a failure. That's not the point of goals. They are to give

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you a better chance of achieving something more quickly than you

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otherwise would have without goals. So I've shared before how

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goals used to petrify me. I don't want to fail, right? But

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even the best goal setting gurus out there, they may hit 50 to

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60% of their annual goals in the best of years. So we all set

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tons of goals, we don't necessarily hit right away, but

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we hit way more than we would have without them.

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So last year, I wanted to travel as an example to five new

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places. Five places I've never seen before in my life, and I

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only traveled to two. However, if I didn't set that goal, I

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probably would have traveled to zero new places last year. So

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hopefully that helps you see what I mean here. I have a whole

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episode on this topic, if you really want to dive into it

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more. That's really how important I think goal setting

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can be for you, and how happy you can be in your life, how

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many things you can add to your happiness list that you

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accomplish. So check out Episode 4.4, Schedule Goals, Achieve

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Goals, if you really want the whole rundown.

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Alright, so now let's jump into some of those points that I

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promised you to get that goal conversation started. So number

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one, it's pretty easy. What makes each of you happy now?

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Now, this seems like an easy question. But it's a great point

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to kind of start at to help build off of the today. You

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know, what makes you happy today? Is it vacations? Is it

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being home with family? Is it coaching? Is it going to Disney

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World? Is it even just going to the park? So you know, for me,

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when I sat down and did this, it was kind of harder than I

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thought it was going to be. What actually makes me happy. And I'm

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so involved in the day to day and going to work what actually

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makes me happy today. And when I stopped and think thought about

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kind of like the last year, it was visiting and traveling to

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some new places. And you know, for my wife, Lauren, it was

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coaching was her favorite thing to do. At the time she was a

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teacher and going to Disney World, obviously. So you know,

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when you stop and kind of think what actually has been making me

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happy today, it may be a little bit of a harder exercise than

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you you would think, but it does really help gain some clarity to

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okay, if these things make me happy today, then obviously, you

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know, I'd probably want to do more of these things.

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The second question is, what would make you happier? So maybe

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things that you're not necessarily doing today, but

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things that if you could do them, it would make your life

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better? So it's kind of like a building off of that first

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question. So for Lauren, I had mentioned that she loved

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coaching, she was a teacher at the time. And she wound up

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getting an opportunity to make coaching and social media work

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as well off of the coaching her full time job. So doing

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something that she absolutely loved every day. She also set a

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goal of one day getting a pool, because when she was growing up,

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her parents had a pool and she just loved that as a kid. Those

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are like some of her best memories growing up, where you

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know, being in the pool and playing with friends. So she

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wants to give that experience to our kids as well. And so that's

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not something that we're doing right we had right now. But that

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was something that would make her happier kind of a thing. Now

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for me, it really made me think about what you know, what do I

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want my business to be that I want one that kind of just went

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you know, to maximize income? Or did I want one that really

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maximize more living? And again, there's no right or wrong with

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any of this. But for me, it was being home for dinner every

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night and available to coach you know, soccer on the weekends or

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softball, you know, all those things my kids would remember.

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So that's kind of what we came up with, with, you know,

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happier.

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So the last question is what keeps you up at night? For some,

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you know, it's really just not knowing what path they're on

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that can be scary, right? Unknowns are scary unknowns are

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scary. For others, it's a fear of saving enough for college.

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This albeit is not yet as much fun of a question as the happy

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question. But this can be keeping you back from feeling as

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happy as you could be feeling. If you have anxiety over you

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know what path you're on or anxiety that you aren't saving

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enough or anxiety of what would happen to your kids if you or

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your spouse died or became disabled or something like that,

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well then that is weighing on you probably every single day.

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And the great thing about this question is that these items can

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generally be addressed pretty quickly and easily, especially

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when you're young and healthy. Life or disability insurance for

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example, can you remove anxiety over your family being

Joseph Okaly:

protected, just like that. Saving a little more every month

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has as long as you know 30 years to grow and make just a huge

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difference while you're young. So removing fears and sleeping

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better at night can really often be easier items to check off

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than you know some of the happier items that like for my

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instance like a pool, you may have to ya know work a couple

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years to go get that. Whereas life insurance, you could

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probably get in a couple of weeks, and completely get rid of

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that anxiety that's coming from it.

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So goals overall can be things to add to your happiness, or

Joseph Okaly:

things that can also stop detracting from your happiness.

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But the end result for both is more overall happiness. When you

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have this list of goals, hang it up somewhere. That would be a

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one of the first recommendations I would have for it, so that you

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can look at it from time to time, I have my goal list right

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on my cork board in my office. So I don't look at it every day.

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But I see it, I glance at it now and then, and I check in with

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Lauren about it every few months or check in with your spouse

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about it every few months to kind of keep it in the front of

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both of your minds. The more that you have it on your mind,

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the greater chance again, of some of these goals being

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achieved. And remember, if you achieve even one of those

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things, I don't care if the list of goals is 10, or this list of

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goals is 50. If you achieve even one of those things that you

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hung up, now you're better than you were before. Your compass

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has more of a route, your ship more of a direction. As you go

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along the way, don't beat yourself up because they are

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going to be delays. Again, we're not expecting all of these goals

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to be completed in every year. So if you want to get a life

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insurance evaluation by March, and it doesn't happen, that's

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okay. Let's shoot for April now, or May. At least you have it on

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your mind, and you're still much much more likely to achieve it

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than before you set any goals at all.

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Thanks so much for tuning in today, as always, and join us

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for next week's episode called Pay Yourself First exclamation

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point where we're going to talk about how you can work towards

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having the funds to start achieving now some of these

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goals that we just set and how the biggest problem most people

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face is giving all their hard earned money away to other

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people. So overall, if you're able to implement what we cover

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today, that's fantastic. You have less to worry about than

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before and you can focus more on enjoying life. If you're wanting

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help with these things though or have any questions you need help

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in clarifying, check out the ASK JOE section on the show's

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website. www.enjoymore30s.com. That's enjoymore30s.com. Until

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next week. Thanks for joining me today and I look forward to

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connecting with you again soon.

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The conversations on this show are

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Joe's opinions and provided for general information purposes

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only. They do not constitute accounting, legal, tax, or other

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professional advice for your specific situation. You should

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always seek appropriate advice from a financial advisor,

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accountant, lawyer, or other professional before acting upon

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any content or information found here first. Joe is affiliated

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with New Horizons Wealth Management LLC, a branch office

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of TFS Securities, Inc., and TFS Advisory Services an SEC

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Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA/SIPC.

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