Ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same relationship patterns, even when you promise yourself you won’t?
Why you overthink texts, chase emotionally unavailable people, shut down when things get serious, or feel anxious when someone pulls away?
In this episode of Campus Chronicles, Brooke sits down with Bev Mitelman, founder of Securely Loved and a relationship and attachment trauma specialist, to break down attachment styles in a way that actually makes sense for students.
This is not pop psychology.
This is not social media buzzwords.
This is real, grounded understanding of how your childhood experiences shape the way you connect with people today.
Bev explains the four attachment styles, how your nervous system plays a role in your reactions, and why so many students feel confused, overwhelmed or stuck in unhealthy relationship cycles. Most importantly, she reminds us that attachment styles are learned patterns, and learned patterns can be changed.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What attachment styles actually are (and what they are not)
• Why attachment has nothing to do with being “broken”
• The difference between anxious, avoidant and secure attachment
• Why anxious and avoidant people often end up together
• How childhood experiences quietly shape adult relationships
• The role your nervous system plays in emotional reactions
• Why awareness is the first step toward healthier relationships
• How to start rewiring patterns that no longer serve you
• Three powerful pieces of advice Bev gives to university students
This conversation is eye opening, validating and empowering. If you have ever thought, “Why am I like this?” in relationships, this episode will help you understand yourself with more compassion and clarity.
About Bev:
Bev Mitelman, M.A. is the Founder of Securely Loved and a certified relationship and attachment trauma practitioner. With over 25 years of experience, Bev works with individuals, couples and families to rebuild healthy self esteem, emotional safety and secure attachment. She is also a certified menopause specialist and former executive leader, university lecturer and published author.
Explore more:
Website: https://securelyloved.com
(Upbeat Music)
2
:Campus Chronicles is the ultimate podcast
3
:for college students seeking real
4
:stories, honest advice and empowering
5
:insights to thrive in
6
:student life and beyond.
7
:Hosted by Brooke Young and the Campus
8
:Chronicles team, this weekly show
9
:features inspiring interviews, practical
10
:tips and conversations that tackle the
11
:challenges, wins and personal growth that
12
:comes with university life.
13
:Perfect for college students, campus
14
:leaders and young adults looking to make
15
:the most of their
16
:journey, one episode at a time.
17
:Subscribe now on Apple Podcast, Spotify
18
:or YouTube and join the community
19
:redefining what it means
20
:to thrive in university.
21
:(Upbeat Music)
22
:Today we're here with Bev Middleman who I
23
:am personally excited to talk about.
24
:Bev, thank you for being here.
25
:Thank you.
26
:I'm excited to be here
27
:with you and your audience.
28
:Well, before we begin to get into, cause
29
:I know this is a very nuanced, very big
30
:topic, give us the context into what you
31
:do and then our viewers are gonna know
32
:why I am so excited.
33
:(Bev Laughs) So I work with attachment styles.
34
:I'm a relationship and
35
:attachment trauma practitioner.
36
:So my job is to work with individuals and
37
:couples, help them identify their
38
:attachment style and how that may or may
39
:not be impacting the relationships in
40
:their life with their romantic partners,
41
:their friends, their colleagues, family
42
:members and also the relationship to
43
:themselves and to help them work through
44
:that so they can move towards what we
45
:call secure attachment.
46
:And I'm sure we're gonna get into that.
47
:Of course we will.
48
:Thank you for pointing out too that this
49
:is so important for the relationship to
50
:ourselves because even if we're not in an
51
:intimate partnership, it's easy to write
52
:this topic off but it
53
:is so crucial to know.
54
:So anyone that's been listening to the
55
:podcast may or may not have collected
56
:that this is my weak spot.
57
:So there's so much I wanna ask you but I
58
:wanna dive in with this first.
59
:What is it that people most misunderstand
60
:about attachment styles?
61
:There's a couple of things.
62
:So first of all, what's so fascinating is
63
:that everyone has an attachment style.
64
:So everyone in the world has an
65
:attachment style which means it's simply
66
:a way and a set of patterns and behaviors
67
:for how we form emotional
68
:bonds with other people.
69
:And we have scientifically been able to
70
:identify four specific styles.
71
:Now rarely do people fit like right in
72
:one little box but they
73
:sort of lean in a direction.
74
:And the way in which we form emotional
75
:bonds with other people is directly
76
:correlated to the type
77
:of childhood that we had.
78
:So what we saw, felt, experienced,
79
:learned as a child becomes a template for
80
:how it is we grow up and
81
:interact with the world, right?
82
:It becomes our lens.
83
:Right.
84
:Yeah, so I hear some people sometimes
85
:conflating attachment styles with mental
86
:illness or personality disorders like
87
:narcissism, not the same thing at all.
88
:No, no, it's certainly not.
89
:If you have come into contact with a true
90
:narcissist diagnosably, you'll know.
91
:Oh, you'll know.
92
:You'll know.
93
:(Both Laughing)
94
:Well said.
95
:Yeah, and the other thing that I wanna
96
:point out is that attachment styles are
97
:learned behavior, right?
98
:So with like anything else in our world,
99
:in our body, in our mind, what we learn,
100
:we can unlearn and relearn.
101
:So even if you have a set of patterns
102
:that's falling in one direction, let's
103
:say you're more on the avoidance side,
104
:you absolutely can learn to undo some of
105
:that thought pattern and some of that
106
:behavior and to operate in
107
:a much more secure fashion.
108
:And that is the work that I do.
109
:I help people move in that direction.
110
:Curiously, what role does body and
111
:somatics play in the unlearning process?
112
:Such a great question.
113
:You might be the first one
114
:who's ever asked me that.
115
:I'm huge on somatics,
116
:it's a passion for me.
117
:Yeah, it's great.
118
:So when we're gonna talk about the two
119
:different broad categories, secure
120
:attachment and insecure attachment,
121
:there's a whole bunch of subsets of
122
:categories and insecure attachment.
123
:But what they have in common is that
124
:their nervous system
125
:is dysregulated, right?
126
:And so we see a whole bunch of patterns
127
:of behavior that people are trying to use
128
:to regulate their nervous
129
:system and find a sense of safety.
130
:So when we talk about doing the work
131
:towards secure attachment, somatics is
132
:very important when we're talking about
133
:nervous system regulation.
134
:So that's a great, great question.
135
:So for someone that's curious, wants to
136
:explore, what's my attachment style?
137
:They want to wade into these waters.
138
:What's the first thing you
139
:would suggest someone do?
140
:So, you know, awareness
141
:is always the first point.
142
:There's a little quiz on my website
143
:people can take, it's a
144
:free quiz at securelyloved.com.
145
:You answer a couple questions, it'll give
146
:you a general sense.
147
:But I'm also going to dive into what
148
:these categories are now and oftentimes
149
:people go, oh yeah, that sounds like me.
150
:A little bit of
151
:realization, maybe some familiarity.
152
:Yeah, yeah, or sometimes people go, oh,
153
:that sounds like my boyfriend, or that
154
:sounds like my ex or whatever.
155
:So I'll give sort of a broad view.
156
:And I think a lot of people will be able
157
:to self identify where they might sit.
158
:So we have two broad categories.
159
:Originally I said there were four, but we
160
:start with the two main categories where
161
:we have secure attachment
162
:and insecure attachment.
163
:Now secure attachment is really the label
164
:that we give to individuals that feel
165
:comfortable being independent and in
166
:connection and
167
:closeness with others, right?
168
:These are generally people who grew up in
169
:homes where there was a fair degree of
170
:emotional attunement from their
171
:caregivers,
172
:predictability, warmth, caring.
173
:Not, we're never talking
174
:about perfect parenting, right?
175
:That doesn't exist,
176
:but the child felt safe.
177
:They felt safe to express themselves.
178
:They felt safe that their caregiver would
179
:respond in a calm and respectful way.
180
:And so they learned about their emotions
181
:and they learned about being authentic.
182
:And they grew up understanding that life
183
:is all about connections,
184
:right?
185
:They felt safe in that.
186
:And so these are the individuals that go
187
:on to often seek out
188
:long-term partnerships.
189
:They do very well in
190
:long-term partnerships.
191
:They're pretty good with boundaries.
192
:They understand respectful communication.
193
:Emotionally, they're quite stable.
194
:Like these are not the
195
:folks who are like volatile.
196
:So in North America, we talk about,
197
:it's hard to get an exact number, but
198
:it's probably in between 40 and 50% of
199
:the population is secure.
200
:Wow.
201
:Yeah.
202
:That's a bigger number than I suspected.
203
:That's what people always say.
204
:It's hard to get, because this is
205
:self-reported, right?
206
:So it's hard to get the number, but in
207
:between 40 and 50% is
208
:where the estimate lies today.
209
:So what does that mean?
210
:That means that the other 50 to 60%, the
211
:bigger cohort of people when they grow up
212
:into adults have formed an
213
:insecure attachment style.
214
:So they have an insecure way of forming
215
:emotional bonds with other people.
216
:And within that insecure
217
:realm, they're subcategories.
218
:So the first subcategory is the anxious
219
:preoccupied or the anxious attacher.
220
:And along the spectrum,
221
:because it's like a continuum, right?
222
:Along the spectrum on the other end is
223
:the avoidant attacher or
224
:the dismissive avoidance.
225
:And then there is a cohort, a smaller
226
:group of people who actually have both
227
:avoidance and anxious.
228
:And we call those,
229
:they are known as disorganized attachers
230
:because they have like a little bit of
231
:both or fearful avoidance,
232
:those two different names.
233
:So why do we form these?
234
:Well, again, it has
235
:to do with the type of,
236
:caregiving that we
237
:received when we were younger.
238
:So typically someone who is anxious
239
:preoccupied would have experienced very
240
:unpredictable love
241
:when they were younger.
242
:These are the folks that often get sort
243
:of called out on social media and in
244
:memes as being needy in relationships,
245
:the chasers, right?
246
:They're the ones who are constantly
247
:seeking closeness from their partners
248
:because they don't have
249
:the ability to self-soothe.
250
:They're quite, they can be quite
251
:emotionally volatile and they're heavily
252
:reliant on their partners and their
253
:friends to help them
254
:soothe their nervous system.
255
:Right?
256
:So they would have experienced as a child
257
:a parent who was emotionally unavailable
258
:or someone, maybe a parent who was
259
:alcoholic, unpredictable.
260
:They would have gotten
261
:a little bit of love,
262
:but not consistently.
263
:And so they get trapped in this roller
264
:coaster of emotions of like chasing after
265
:love that's a lot of times not available.
266
:So I'll pause here and say, do you know
267
:anyone in your circle of friends who
268
:chases after unavailable partners?
269
:Of course.
270
:Right.
271
:And it's interesting, right?
272
:Because we always turn around and we go,
273
:but it's obvious this person can't give
274
:you what it is that you
275
:need and desire and want.
276
:Why are you chasing after them?
277
:And the person most often
278
:doesn't have a clear explanation
279
:because the patterns that I'm describing
280
:are in our subconscious mind.
281
:So they guide our behavior,
282
:but not at a conscious level.
283
:So if you ask someone, why are you
284
:wasting your time running after this guy
285
:who's clearly emotionally unavailable,
286
:giving you breadcrumbs, they're likely
287
:not going to understand
288
:what's driving their behavior.
289
:Right.
290
:It just feels necessary.
291
:They're just like, I'm
292
:just so attracted to him.
293
:I know there's something about him.
294
:Well, I'll tell you what's about him.
295
:(Laughs) It's a really simple answer.
296
:The dynamic is recreating what you know
297
:to be familiar from your childhood, where
298
:you were chasing after
299
:the love of your caregiver.
300
:Right.
301
:It might've been your father,
302
:it might've been your mother.
303
:They're there one minute,
304
:the next minute they're not.
305
:And you develop this sense of, if I just
306
:try harder, I can make them love me.
307
:And this cohort of people start at a very
308
:young age to develop
309
:people pleasing tendencies.
310
:Right.
311
:And they give away from themselves
312
:because they're so focused on pleasing
313
:the other person all under the guise of,
314
:I'll be perfect, I'll be
315
:perfect, don't leave me.
316
:Right.
317
:And so they're over givers
318
:and they're also over feelers.
319
:They tend to feel their emotions in a
320
:really, really heightened sense, lots of
321
:volatility in that group.
322
:Absolutely.
323
:Yeah.
324
:Sounds like some of your friends, we all
325
:have friends like
326
:this in our peer groups.
327
:Oh, I'll just call myself out.
328
:I would lean towards that.
329
:(Laughs) I'm not too bold to say it.
330
:(Laughs)
331
:You know, it's okay.
332
:Like again, these are just patterns that
333
:we absorbed from our childhood.
334
:But again, I wanna remind you that once
335
:you become aware of this and that you're
336
:chasing after love because that's what's
337
:familiar to you and you realize, like the
338
:interesting thing is
339
:once you start to heal,
340
:the people that you would have once found
341
:extremely attractive,
342
:they're no longer attracted to you.
343
:I'll tell you something
344
:that will make you laugh.
345
:One of my closest friends is a
346
:professional somatic practitioner.
347
:And she calls me the professional safety
348
:recruiter because I like to recruit in a
349
:friendship sense, not
350
:in a romantic sense.
351
:I don't do that as much romantically
352
:actually, but in a friendship sense, she
353
:likes to call me the safety recruiter.
354
:I like to know that
355
:people are on my side.
356
:I like to recruit their support, their
357
:love and their safety.
358
:So she always laughs and she'll say,
359
:"You're recruiting again."
360
:(Laughs)
361
:So do you feel best when you're
362
:surrounded by lots of people?
363
:Yes.
364
:Okay.
365
:Now, if something happens, something
366
:emotional happened, I don't know, you get
367
:a phone call from
368
:someone that really upsets you.
369
:Is your tendency to sort of take a walk
370
:and think about it or to pick up the
371
:phone and call multiple friends and air
372
:it out over the course of the
373
:next six hours?
374
:My tendency is always to pick up the
375
:phone and call a bunch of people.
376
:Yeah.
377
:So I knew what you were going to say.
378
:So human behavior is so fascinating
379
:because it's predictive, right?
380
:Like these are predictive behaviors that
381
:people have based on
382
:what they've learned.
383
:And so if I was working with you, I would
384
:work on specifically teaching skills so
385
:that you could learn how to rely more on
386
:yourself on self-soothing.
387
:Because there is a reason that you reach
388
:out to that many people to
389
:sort of help you process.
390
:Because essentially what you're trying to
391
:do is you're trying to downgrade or
392
:regulate your nervous system, which has
393
:been jolted by that event.
394
:Absolutely, that absolutely describes me.
395
:Yeah, yeah, it's very, very common.
396
:Like 25% of the population has this
397
:particular attachment
398
:style, super common.
399
:So it's one of the more common ones.
400
:Let's dive into the other two.
401
:Okay, so on the other end of the scale,
402
:also about 25% of the population has
403
:this, is the avoidance.
404
:So we have the anxious
405
:and we have the avoidant.
406
:And as luck would have it, it's not
407
:really luck, but they often find each
408
:other in romantic relationships.
409
:This is where we get the push-pull thing.
410
:So the avoidant typically grew up in a
411
:home where there was emotional neglect or
412
:they were really overburdened, let's say
413
:by a mother that was
414
:very controlling or whatnot.
415
:They learned that closeness, emotional
416
:closeness was not safe.
417
:And so they developed a lens of, I'm
418
:safest when I'm
419
:alone, I can trust myself.
420
:I don't really trust others.
421
:And so behaviorally, they really thrive
422
:being hyper independent.
423
:It's quite difficult for them to trust
424
:others and to move into
425
:long-term relationships.
426
:This cohort of people will often favor a
427
:short-term casual
428
:relationships because vulnerability,
429
:intimacy is very scary for them.
430
:It makes them feel unsafe,
431
:right?
432
:Whereas the person who's anxious really
433
:craves and desires that closeness for the
434
:avoidant, that closeness actually makes
435
:them feel unsafe and so
436
:they push it away, right?
437
:So these two end up dating very often and
438
:that's why we have so many of these memes
439
:on the internet that talk about the one
440
:that's chasing and the
441
:one that's running away.
442
:And this is a true dynamic that happens
443
:all the time if a couple is in conflict.
444
:Usually there's one partner that's like,
445
:"We need to talk about it now.
446
:I can't go to sleep upset."
447
:We need to like, they absolutely have to
448
:resolve it to be able to calm down.
449
:And the other partner's
450
:like, "I need a day to myself.
451
:I just need to think about things.
452
:I need to process."
453
:And we see this very often.
454
:But I will point out actually that we
455
:often see on the internet these tropes
456
:and these memes of the girl being anxious
457
:and the guy being avoidant,
458
:which of course can happen.
459
:But attachment styles are not gendered,
460
:which means that we have plenty of women
461
:who fall into the category of avoidant
462
:and plenty of men who fall into the
463
:category of anxious.
464
:And so I myself grew
465
:up far more avoidant.
466
:And so the behaviors that I'm describing,
467
:you know, I've lived through and I'm
468
:dating someone now who is
469
:much more on the anxious scale.
470
:How fascinating.
471
:Oh, and the people
472
:that are sort of the mix.
473
:Yeah, the people who are sort of the mix,
474
:the fearful avoidant or the disorganized.
475
:These people came out of homes often
476
:where there was just a
477
:high degree of chaos.
478
:There was no stability to the home.
479
:And oftentimes there was abuse as well.
480
:And so these children developed a
481
:template in their mind whereby they
482
:really very much wanted the closeness
483
:like the anxious, et cetera, but they
484
:feared it because
485
:that also came with pain.
486
:And so in a lot of cases, for example,
487
:they were really yearning for the love of
488
:a parent, but the
489
:parent was also harming them.
490
:So the child becomes confused in their
491
:psyche, disorganized with how to create
492
:emotional bonds with people because they
493
:desire the closeness as all people do.
494
:We all want to form connections, but
495
:they're deeply afraid of it because in
496
:their mind that comes with pain.
497
:Right.
498
:Yeah.
499
:Right, and none of us subscribed to
500
:wanting to put ourselves through pain.
501
:So it makes perfect sense.
502
:Yeah, it really does.
503
:And that particular group
504
:is the fearful avoidance.
505
:They're the least understood.
506
:They carry around deep wounds of betrayal
507
:and they're often, it's an interesting
508
:group because oftentimes they've
509
:developed a set of skills that are very,
510
:very helpful for them because they're
511
:trying to keep themselves safe.
512
:So you'll find that fearful avoidance,
513
:for example, are hypervigilant.
514
:So if you've ever been around someone
515
:who's hypervigilant, walks into the room
516
:and scans the room right away, is trying
517
:to feel everyone's emotionality and it's
518
:because they're trying to
519
:pick up on where's the danger,
520
:right?
521
:Can I trust the group
522
:of people that I'm with?
523
:And because they've just, they've
524
:experienced such high degrees of betrayal
525
:that they don't trust at all.
526
:Really difficult to sort
527
:of penetrate that shell.
528
:They're good people.
529
:Like that's the thing is is that they've
530
:just been traumatized
531
:in childhood, right?
532
:So it's more difficult to form a healthy
533
:relationship with them if they're unaware
534
:of their patterning.
535
:And the key word that you're using is
536
:aware because I think it's so important
537
:to know that awareness to your point is
538
:the first step of really starting to make
539
:some of these changes that are gonna move
540
:you into having more satisfying
541
:fulfilling partnerships.
542
:Yes.
543
:Yeah, and all of this really starts from
544
:first really understanding yourself.
545
:So what are the wounds
546
:that you're carrying, right?
547
:What are your triggers?
548
:What are the things that you really need
549
:to feel content and satiated?
550
:Like what are your personality needs?
551
:What's really important
552
:to you in relationships?
553
:With the man that I'm dating now, I
554
:remember on one of our first dates, I sat
555
:down with him and I said, what's really
556
:important to me is
557
:trust, loyalty and honesty.
558
:So I can give that to you, but I need
559
:that back in spades.
560
:Which means that if I get a sense that
561
:you're being
562
:dishonest with me, we're done.
563
:That's beautiful to have that degree of
564
:self-awareness that we
565
:should all be working towards.
566
:Yeah, and that's where I think that
567
:that's part of the, the work that we do
568
:because once you understand your own mind
569
:and what you need to feel safe, then you
570
:learn how to communicate that to someone
571
:else clearly, right?
572
:We stop expecting people
573
:to read our minds, right?
574
:And you can sort of set these parameters
575
:for relationship when we talk about a
576
:healthy relationship.
577
:We talk about, okay,
578
:tell me what you need.
579
:I'm gonna tell you what I need.
580
:And for some people that's just so hard
581
:because they really don't know.
582
:Right.
583
:So for any listener, cause this is my
584
:signature question, I'm
585
:gonna adapt it a little for you.
586
:So I wanna keep your
587
:advice within this realm.
588
:So if you were gonna give three pieces of
589
:advice to university-age students about
590
:attachment style, what are
591
:those three pieces of advice?
592
:Okay, let me think about
593
:this for a moment, okay?
594
:I know, it's a good juicy question.
595
:Yeah, it really is, hold on.
596
:And I'm taking notes because it's a good,
597
:I wanna, a good question
598
:deserves a good response.
599
:Well, thank you.
600
:And I think too, I'm just so excited on
601
:the personal front and the
602
:professional front to have you.
603
:It's been a pleasure.
604
:And I know we discussed before we
605
:started, we're gonna have
606
:you back for a deeper dive.
607
:So today is just our overview listeners.
608
:Don't worry, she'll be back.
609
:Okay, I think I have
610
:a pretty good answer.
611
:So what's interesting about the younger
612
:folk when they start dating, right?
613
:So we're talking about like students who
614
:are like 20 to 25 in that age group.
615
:Absolutely.
616
:Yeah,
617
:oftentimes they are very unaware of how
618
:their childhood has impacted them, mostly
619
:because they can still very much be
620
:integrated to their home of origin.
621
:So when you get
622
:older, see, I'm almost 50.
623
:So I've been out of my
624
:home of origin for 30 years.
625
:So when you get distance and you get a
626
:little older and you have
627
:some more life experiences,
628
:it's easier to build perspective and to
629
:see things from a different lens.
630
:But someone, for example, who's attending
631
:university and still living at home and
632
:still in that milieu, it might be a
633
:little bit more challenging,
634
:but all that more important.
635
:So I do think, number one, the most
636
:important thing to do is
637
:to learn about yourself.
638
:So your subconscious mind is absolutely
639
:driving the show here.
640
:Your subconscious mind, the patterns,
641
:like a computer program, you've been
642
:programmed over those 20 years, and now
643
:your thought patterns, your emotions, and
644
:your behavior is being guided by a set of
645
:rules that you've
646
:inherited from other people.
647
:We all like to think we have free agency.
648
:You're running on autopilot through all
649
:of these sort of rules
650
:that you've learned, right?
651
:Rules of engagement.
652
:So learn about yourself.
653
:Why do you do certain things?
654
:Why do you enjoy being around people all
655
:the time or not enjoy
656
:being around people?
657
:Why are there certain situations that
658
:make you anxious and yet other situations
659
:you really desire and crave?
660
:What really feeds your soul, right?
661
:Where are your passions?
662
:And the university time period is the
663
:best time to explore all of this, right?
664
:It is.
665
:On so many levels, academically and with
666
:friends and sexually and like, it's your
667
:time to explore and find yourself.
668
:So, you know, do a dive into your mind as
669
:well, trying to understand
670
:what are my thought patterns.
671
:And that's simple as right before you
672
:make a decision, ask yourself,
673
:what am I thinking right now?
674
:Bring your thoughts to
675
:your conscious awareness.
676
:I'm about to say no to go to a party,
677
:but I really do wanna go.
678
:So why am I gonna say no?
679
:What am I thinking?
680
:Oh, okay, I'm thinking that the group
681
:isn't gonna like me.
682
:So that's why I'm not going.
683
:This is the stuff that you have to
684
:uncover, the reasonings, right?
685
:So learn about yourself.
686
:Then I would say, take the steps either,
687
:you know, through reading or watching
688
:videos or working with a counselor to
689
:rewire some of this conditioning that is
690
:no longer serving you.
691
:So you might still be repeating behaviors
692
:from your childhood that you once needed
693
:in order to feel safe and protect
694
:yourself that you no longer need, but
695
:you're still on autopilot and you're
696
:repeating these things.
697
:So call yourself out, be honest with
698
:yourself and do the work
699
:to, and we can do this.
700
:We can reprogram, you know, these
701
:patterns in our minds so that you start
702
:adjusting your behavior into a way that's
703
:healthier and more conducive to healthy
704
:relationships with
705
:yourself and with others.
706
:And the third thing is, I think the most
707
:important is I would really advise and
708
:highly encourage people to find their
709
:authenticity and to
710
:live your authenticity.
711
:Too many times we are
712
:wearing masks in society, right?
713
:We are playing a role that we think
714
:others want us to play.
715
:Half the university students will
716
:probably say they don't even want to be
717
:studying what they're studying, but their
718
:parents wanted them to do it.
719
:And so they're doing it to
720
:please other people, right?
721
:People pleasing, we talked about this.
722
:Find your authenticity, figure out what
723
:actually makes me happy, what actually
724
:sparks me and through all
725
:different areas of life, right?
726
:So that might be your career, it might be
727
:the types of friends that you want to
728
:surround yourself with.
729
:It might be the type of romantic partner
730
:you want or the type of relationship that
731
:you may or may not want because, you
732
:know, in today's day and age, you can
733
:define your relationship in so many
734
:different ways, right?
735
:It's so find truly your authenticity and
736
:what makes you happy.
737
:And I promise you when you're authentic,
738
:you will naturally find your tribe, the
739
:people who naturally vibe with you, who
740
:have the same alignment, but that and
741
:that will be the biggest
742
:gift to find your people.
743
:Oh my goodness.
744
:I love all three of those.
745
:I can't pick a favorite though, because
746
:they're also vitally important.
747
:If I could encourage the listeners to do
748
:anything, it would probably be to listen
749
:to Bev because that was extraordinary.
750
:And you have not
751
:disappointed even whatsoever.
752
:You have exceeded my expectations by a
753
:million and I cannot
754
:wait to have you back.
755
:But if somebody wants to learn, they want
756
:to follow your social media and engage
757
:with your content, where do they go?
758
:Oh, thank you for that.
759
:So our website, securelyloved.com, we're
760
:actually a group of practitioners.
761
:So it's me and a group of practitioners
762
:who are working
763
:specifically with attachment trauma.
764
:So you can take the free quiz on our
765
:website if you want to get a sense of
766
:where you fall on that scale.
767
:You could also book a free 20-minute
768
:consult with me or with any of the
769
:practitioners that's securely loved.
770
:We are also on social media.
771
:My two sons who are in university at this
772
:point in time, they've helped me learn
773
:social media and so we are on
774
:Instagram at securely_loved.
775
:I'm just building a new YouTube channel
776
:too because I'm trying to get some of
777
:this information out there.
778
:So on YouTube, we're at securelyloved.
779
:Yeah, and I would love to interact with
780
:people if you have questions or comments,
781
:either through the
782
:website or YouTube or Instagram.
783
:I answer everything that comes my way.
784
:Well, I want to say a huge thank you for
785
:sharing your wisdom, your knowledge, your
786
:expertise for being so open about a topic
787
:that can be nuanced and it can be
788
:difficult and filled with
789
:misinformation and taboo.
790
:So thank you so much
791
:for the demystification.
792
:We are so grateful.
793
:Thank you.
794
:Yes, and thank you so much to everyone
795
:for joining us on another episode of the
796
:Campus Chronicles podcast.
797
:(Upbeat Music)
798
:So if today's episode gave you life,
799
:perspective or just a much needed moment
800
:to breathe in a busy world, I don't want
801
:you to keep it to yourself.
802
:Share it, tag us, please send it to a
803
:friend who needs to hear it.
804
:And if you're not on our
805
:newsletter yet, what are you doing?
806
:Go to
807
:campuscroniclespod.com and join the crew.
808
:We have all the behind the scenes things,
809
:unfiltered thoughts from me and the team,
810
:bonus resources and insider only invites
811
:to events, giveaways and things that we
812
:really don't post anywhere else.
813
:I promise I'm not gonna spam you.
814
:It's just the good stuff
815
:straight to your inbox.
816
:Being in university is wild enough.
817
:You don't need to
818
:miss out on what matters.
819
:Sign up now and let's make this next
820
:semester the one that you stop
821
:surviving and start thriving.
822
:Until next time, stay bold, stay curious,
823
:keep writing your own chapter.
824
:This is Campus Chronicles.