Dr. Kent Corso speaks with Amber, a suicide loss survivor, about the importance of open dialogue surrounding mental health and suicide. She opens up about her profound sense of loss and her post traumatic growth after her son Teagan's suicide in 2021.

Amber shares her the details of her own journey for healing following the tragic death of her son. She introduces the concepts of ‘clean grief’ and ‘messy grief,’ providing listeners with a framework to understand the different facets of their emotional experiences and suggesting how they might consider coping with it. Her journey underscores the importance of managing feelings of guilt and regret while also affirming the potential for growth and healing in the aftermath of loss.

Amber's heartfelt account as a suicide loss survivor reveals the complexities of loss and suicide and the imperative need for open dialogue surrounding mental health. She discusses a few ways that people treat suicide loss survivors differently than those who lose a loved one to other causes of death. Her reflections emphasize the importance of connectedness and talking about suicide with one's family and community. As Amber recounts her experiences, she confronts the societal stigma surrounding suicide, noting how it often overshadows the lives of those who choose that permanent path. She offers hope, encouraging those suffering from loss and from suicidal thoughts that everything is "figureoutable."

Excerpt from Ambers Eulogy to Teagan

Teagan struggled with things that as a society, we don’t talk enough about. Mental health, substance abuse, addictions and eventually suicide. There’s a stigma attached to these things. There is shame, there is judgment. By ones self and toward them from others. I know that Teagan was desperately seeking a peace that he had tried so hard to find here on earth. I know he felt then there was no other answer, but I know he would not want anyone else to ever take the same actions he did. I feel a personal responsibility and that Teagan too, would want to spread awareness for the sake of every struggling human, especially teenagers and young adults. You are loved. You have worth. You have potential beyond your wildest imagination. There is hope. There is help. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that isn’t figuroutable. In Teagan’s name and on Teagan’s behalf, I will do my best to spread awareness, to love, to help and to lift and I invite all to do the same. 

Takeaways:

• The podcast underscores the importance of open dialogue surrounding suicide and mental health challenges, emphasizing that such conversations can foster understanding and healing.
• Amber, a suicide loss survivor, shares her journey of grief and highlights the necessity of recognizing the underlying pain behind seemingly defiant behaviors in children.
• The episode discusses the distinction between 'clean grief' and 'messy grief', illustrating the importance of managing one's thoughts and emotions in the aftermath of loss.
• Listeners are encouraged to acknowledge their feelings of regret and guilt, while also recognizing that they did the best they could with the resources and knowledge available at that time.
• Amber emphasizes the power of creating community and connection as a means of support, advocating for a proactive approach in discussing mental health issues.
• The conversation concludes with a poignant reminder that every life is valuable, and those struggling with suicidal thoughts should be reminded of their worth and the impact of their absence on loved ones.

For more information on mental health support, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

For more information on Prosper, go to the website

Foreign.

My name is Kent Corso, and I'm your host for this episode of One Minute Can Save a Life.

While I am a licensed clinical psychologist, none of these guests are my patients, nor does anything I say constitute medical advice.

The views conveyed during our conversations do not reflect the views, positions, or policies of any private or public organization.

This is simply a series of conversations with people who have some connection to hardship, suicide, mental health, or loss.

There's so much we can learn from one another.

So let's get started.

Today.

Our guest is Amber, a suicide loss survivor.

Amber, please introduce yourself.

I can't.

Thanks for having me.

My name is Amber.

I live in Star Valley, Wyoming, and I've been married for almost 23 years, and I have seven kids and one granddaughter.

She's amazing.

And I am a suicide loss survivor.

Thanks so much for your willingness to talk about this, Amber.

I know that you're in a unique position as a lost survivor, and it's also difficult to not only accept that kind of loss, but then to go out and talk about it.

So I think it speaks volumes about your character and your intentions, and we certainly appreciate you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's been on my heart since very soon after his death to create more dialogue and have more conversation around it.

So I am honored to be able to have this opportunity, honestly.

So thank you.

You're welcome.

And I'm sure our listeners appreciate you as well.

On that note, tell us a little bit about what life was like before Tegan started struggling and before his death.

What was a snapshot of life?

You said seven kids and a grandchild.

Oh, my goodness.

That sounds like a little village.

It's awesome.

It is a little village.

We do.

We have a lot of kids.

I was a teenage mom.

I got pregnant in high school, and I had a baby when I was 16, and so that relationship happened and then it ended.

And so when he was four, I met my now husband.

Teagan was our first child together.

Teagan was number two of seven, and so he was the oldest in our little family.

And then there were.

There were his siblings that followed.

My husband's self employed.

He's.

He's a building contractor.

We've had a hunting camp since Tegan was 2 years old and his sister was 6 months old.

And so we live in rural Wyoming and we live that.

We live that lifestyle.

I homeschooled for many years, playing into when Tegan started struggling a Little bit.

You know, I would say he was around 12 when we.

He really started to struggle, and our family moved.

We moved just a short distance.

It.

It was only.

I think it's eight miles from town to town right here in Star Valley.

But it was hard on him.

And at the moment, I. I didn't really give it much thought.

I was like, you're going to be fine.

It's within driving distance.

But knowing what I know now and looking back, I wish I kind of would have given that a little more empathy and compassion because it was hard for him.

You know, the friends that he grew up with and he left, those just weren't in his neighborhood anymore.

So did he move schools then?

Nope, he stayed in school.

So actually, when we moved, I have to think.

Let's see, he started public school as a freshman, and so it was right around that same time the move happened.

He transferred from homeschool to public school for one year, and then he went to online school.

That all happened around the same time.

And in Tegan's situation, we had a lot of family trauma.

There was.

There were situations to where there was extended family.

Um, there was some abuse, and there was some trauma, and that deeply affected Tegan.

He also had somebody who was very close to him that had also experienced some trauma.

And Tegan was a lover.

Teagan was a fixer.

Tegan was a make it all better.

He.

He wanted justice for the people who had been hurt.

And that.

That, looking back now, I can see that that affected him deeply.

And he also.

He got involved in substances.

There were drug and.

Drugs and alcohol involved.

And so lots of just things that kind of happened.

Okay, one question.

Just going back a little bit, it sounds like.

Just to make sure I'm following you, it sounds like the move happened.

He had sort of a shift from homeschool to public school to then online school.

I assume that's because of the COVID pandemic.

No, this was before.

He just didn't like school.

Tegan was very to himself.

He wasn't.

I mean, he had his group of friends, but large crowds were not.

Not his jam, for sure.

That's okay.

It's not everybody's thing.

Right.

And then when you say there was some abuse in the family, are you saying he witnessed it or he was the recipient of it or both?

He was not the recipient of it.

He had close family members who were.

And so that was, you know, it was a ripple effect for him.

He was not a victim of abuse.

No.

And what I'm hearing, you say is that I didn't know Teagan, unfortunately.

But it sounds like what you're saying is he was a sensitive kid, and he wanted to protect or defend those who he cared about.

And so when he detected that someone was being treated unfairly, or maybe even worse, that there was abuse, he would take it upon himself to maybe assist them or try to absorb some of it.

He really did try to.

I mean, I. Absorbing it would be a good way to state it.

We'd had conversations where I.

You know, I just remember telling him, like, Tegan, you're not.

You're not qualified or equipped to help in this situation.

Just love and support.

But, like, this isn't your.

This isn't your problem to fix.

But he just.

He was such a lover when.

When Tegan loved you, he loved you deeply.

And if he didn't love you, he also.

He didn't love you deeply as well.

But.

But if he loved you, you were his person, and he did.

He absorbed a lot of that hurt from other people.

So on top of his own.

On top of his own struggles, you know, so.

So.

So he was a man of many Young man of many passions.

Whether it was loving something or disliking something, he.

He would let you know.

He definitely was decisive.

And my goodness, where did he get that loving disposition from?

I can't imagine.

With.

With, you know, your family and the way you are.

Well, in that same note, when Tegan was stubborn, he was so stubborn, and I don't know where he got that either.

I. I can't say our audience can't see your sarcastic facial expressions, but I'll.

I'll just make a note that you.

Very sarcastic right now.

So for those out there who are listening, who might have a child or a niece and nephew, you said when he started to struggle, you noticed the signs.

What are the types of signs that you noticed?

He openly talked about his struggles.

Looking back, what I wish that I know now that I wish I would have known then that I could tell somebody.

When I.

When you see a behavior in kids that is like what I classified there as defiant behavior or just being a rotten kid or whatever, I wish I would have recognized that there was a need unmet underneath, that there was a pain, and there was an unmet need that I wasn't recognizing at the time, that is one of the hard things that, you know, I try not to live in regret, but that's one of the things that I wished I would have done better is really try to hear Teagan and hear what it was that he was expressing and really get more curious about what he really had going on and what he was trying to tell me in those behaviors and.

And in those things that he showed.

Tegan was defiant.

He was a stinker, you know, And.

And in my.

The way that I was raised, I raised him that.

That way.

Like, hey, you know, you do as I say, and these are the rules, and you follow them.

And at the time, I didn't have the tools or the skills to know, like, this kid is suffering, and.

And this is the only way he knows how to show me.

And so to me, that's a big thing.

Like, if you're seeing a kid that's struggling and.

And.

And Tegan openly talked about not wanting to be here.

You know, life was hard, and he held pain.

Just.

It was hard for him.

And so he.

He had those talks.

I remember a specific conversation in my.

In my kitchen, probably, I would guess maybe 12 to 18 months prior to his death, where we were talking about suicide.

And.

And I said.

I said, it's selfish.

I know this.

I know I feel differently about it now, but.

And he was so angry at me, and he's like, people who die by suicide aren't selfish.

He's like, they hurt so much, you don't even know.

You know, you wouldn't even understand.

And.

But I remember having that conversation with him, and.

And in all of his struggles, I remember telling my husband one night, like, I don't even dare say this out loud, but I knew that it was a possibility, that.

That.

That is how we could lose Tegan.

That's gotta be hard for a mother to acknowledge and to realize.

It was terrible.

It was.

It was a really, really, really difficult stage of life.

Can we go back for a minute?

I just.

There's a little bit to unpack there.

Would that be okay, Amber?

Sure.

So you talked a little bit about the signs you saw and how you knew he was struggling.

And one thing that I think often happens when someone loses a loved one to suicide is they say, what could I have done differently?

Or they start to have regrets, whether it was a conversation they had with the decedent, whether it was an interaction they had with the loved one who has ended their life.

It's so common because we think of suicide as a preventable death.

And it's true that many suicides are preventable.

Not all, but many are.

What would you say to parents or others out there who might feel that regret?

How have you coped with it?

How have you transcended it or gotten through it.

So this is a really big part of my journey.

Soon after Tegan died, I felt very strongly that I didn't want any other mother to have to feel what I was feeling.

I did not want anyone to have to experience what that felt like.

And I kind of started talking about it, and I kind of started creating some things online.

And one of the things that I noticed was there were moms who had lost their children two or three or five or even ten years prior, and they were still living in that really deep, dark place of grief.

And I just thought to myself, like, I can't be in this place for that long.

Like, I want to be okay in that moment.

You don't know how.

How that's even possible, right?

Like, the grief is so unbearable that you can't even explain it.

But I knew that I didn't want to stay that way.

And one of the things that has helped me so much is that I feel as a mom that I am responsible for some of the ways.

I can look back to the times when Tegan was really tiny.

And knowing what I know now, I wish I would have done things a little bit different, right?

But I think I've really taught myself to have a really clean space about how I think about that.

Like, yes, I have regrets, and yes, I have sadness and things that I wish I would have done.

But after he died, I knew that I had to grieve properly.

And this is just my version of how I did that.

And I have some coaching skills and some things that I've learned after this, but there's normal sadness and grief when we lose somebody.

Suicide, obviously, can complicate that a little bit, right?

But I could feel myself when I was living in that guilt in the could have, should have, would haves, wish I hadn't.

Wish I had said it, wish I hadn't said it.

That.

That was a spiral for me, and that was a deep, dark, dangerous place for me to go.

And so I classified as my clean grief and my messy grief, right?

It's all messy.

But my messy grief is when I'm in a place that is not serving me.

And it's not doing anybody any favors.

Not myself, not my family, not Tegan, you know, and this place of just being sad because I miss him, and.

And I wish things were different.

That's okay.

That's like a normal part of grief.

But I had this place where the guilt and the regret consumed me, and it made me feel like it's as if I'm Creating more misery for myself than I'm already in.

And this over here, and the regret and the guilt, that's not.

That's not necessary.

We don't have to do that to ourselves.

So I make a conscious decision every single day, sometimes to the minute, like, you're spiraling.

You're in a space that's not serving you and not helping you, and I just have to pull myself out of it.

Because while I was his mom and I did influence his life hugely, I also did the very best that I knew how to do at the moment, in the time, with the tools and the skills that I had.

And that's the sentence that keeps me going day to day.

I did the best I could.

I really, truly did.

Of course you did.

So just to sort of put a point on that and clarify it, it sounds like what you're saying is there's.

I love your words.

There's clean grief and messy grief, and clean grief is missing someone, being sad about it, longing for them.

All of the sort of negative feelings that go along with loss.

And especially when you love someone so dearly, like your child, all of that is part of messy grief.

But on top of that, we start talking negatively to ourselves or we start treating ourselves negatively, whether it's blaming ourselves, whether it is feeling guilty, would have, should have, could have, those sorts of things.

And I love the words you used, Amber.

You said I have to pay attention to when I'm doing that to myself.

In other words, it can seem very automatic, but what you've recognized is it's something we can sort of mitigate.

It's something we can sort of turn up or turn down, right?

Yes, a hundred percent.

I have a really strong belief in just especially in a situation of grief and suicide in particular.

Like, we have to manage our own minds around it so that we can stay in a good place.

I mean, there were moments after Tegan died that the only reason I cared to be on this earth was because I had other children who I knew needed me.

The pain was so deep, you know, it made me have so much compassion for Teagan, because I'm like, I don't want to be here right now.

I get it, dude.

I get what that felt like.

But at the same time, I'm still here.

I'm still here, and I'm still breathing, and I still have another day.

So my choice is to make that be the best experience I can make that be in the circumstances that I'm in now.

I stayed in bed for a really long time I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that this was pretty the whole way.

It wasn't pretty.

But I have four years later, almost, I've.

I have to be very conscious about where my brain leads me and what choices I make as to how I'm going to navigate that grief.

I guess.

I guess the message is.

Is like, yes, there's grief, but there's also some choices within that grief.

Yeah.

What you're saying is there's what happened to me and my family, and then there's how I'm handling it.

And one way to handle it is to allow some of those sort of negative habits, those negative mental habits to creep in.

And what I hear you saying is that you actively manage it, and one of the ways you actively manage it is to reassure yourself that I did the best I could at that time.

I also hear that you've sort of found a place within your heart to have empathy for where Tegan was when he was in so much pain.

And that's really interesting that you're sort of like, I feel so much pain and a disinterest in being on this earth that now I know how he felt, and that helps me be compassionate for him.

Yes, yes.

So much so.

And so, like, earlier when I said, you know, that I had told him that it was selfish.

Like, now I feel very differently about that.

Like, I wish he had chosen differently.

Absolutely.

I do.

And I also.

I have some.

I get it.

Like, I get that he.

In that moment, he didn't think there was any.

He didn't think there was any other way.

I get that.

You know, and what's great about how you describe that, Amber, and I know you're not looking for kudos, but what's incredible about how you describe that is you are drawing a connection between your son's pain and your pain about losing your son.

And what's so interesting about that is it describes that suicidal mindset very accurately.

Most people who are thinking about ending their lives don't really want to die.

They just want to be out of their pain.

And so, in the same way Teagan wanted to be out of his pain, you wanted to stop feeling such grief and remorse and guilt, right?

Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely.

When I say that I. I don't want any other mom to have to feel what I was feeling.

I don't want that.

There's no way I could have this conversation with you if I didn't manage my grief in a way to where I wasn't just completely, completely consumed by by guilt and regret, you know?

Right.

Amber, one of the things that always strikes me when we talk about suicide is that when we lose someone to, I don't know, cancer, a heart attack, just old age, we will very easily reminisce with others who knew our loved one, and we'll talk about all the wonderful things they did or things they said.

We'll just sort of have these positive memories.

But when someone dies of suicide, we seem to characterize their entire life not by all those stories which also exist, but rather by the way they died.

And it's just such a weird thing that we do as humans that if we're talking about, I'm totally making this up, Uncle Charlie who died of a heart attack, we're like, oh, my gosh, you know, Uncle Charlie was so funny.

And remember that time where he wore that thing for Halloween and the kids were laughing or whatever.

But if it's Tegan died by suicide, we don't talk about any of the funny things Tegan did or any of the charming or any of the giving, loving things.

It's sort of like we zero in on that event of how he died.

And I think it's such a disgrace and it does such a disservice to those loved ones who have died that the only thing we focus on and in fact, the way we sort of characterize them is by their cause of death instead of the life they lived.

It's true.

And it's interesting that you say that because for me, personally, like, I don't really give people that option.

I talk about Tegan and, like, in our own family, right?

And like.

But you are so right, because anytime the topic comes up, it's immediately about Tegan and his struggles.

It's not about, you know, Tegan and how he.

Whatever, like, he.

His Amazon tattooing skills were amazing and how he, you know, like, it's always about Tegan and his struggles.

And so it is interesting.

And I think as a whole, when I look at it so many times, people aren't even willing to admit that that was the cause of death.

You know, like, that's not even.

It's just so taboo.

We just don't talk about it.

Well, I think they feel responsible, Amber.

They feel like, you know, shame about that or somehow that that loved one suicide reflects on them when clearly it doesn't.

Right.

I mean, if my son died by suicide or my daughter killed herself, it's sort of like, oh, well, that must mean you were parent, or you couldn't stop them.

And none of that is true.

When someone chooses to end their life, we can't own their decision.

That decision is on them.

Yes.

And that is an important distinction to make in your grieving, or, I think, as prior to losing my own son.

You know how you don't really understand an experience till you experience the experience?

You know, when we'd have a suicide or when I knew that that was somebody's cause of death, I. I was probably guilty of that.

I'm not really sure what to say.

I'm not really sure how to act.

I'm not really.

But I don't know.

That's such a good point, because the grief process, as you described, is different when it's suicide.

But people treat you differently if.

Let's go back to Uncle.

My fake Uncle Charlie.

If Uncle Charlie died of a heart attack a few weeks later, someone might come up to me at the grocery store, or my neighbor might say, hey, Kent, you know, how you doing?

I know you lost your Uncle Charlie.

How are things going?

Can we do anything for you?

But when your loved one dies by suicide, they don't approach you, Is that correct?

They treat you almost like.

Like.

Like a leper or like.

Like, oh, let's not even touch that.

Let's not go near that person.

Right.

Yes.

I did experience both sides of that.

I have an amazing support system.

We have an amazing community.

The amount of people who rallied around us was amazing.

Okay, great.

That being said, I also really didn't give people a chance not to.

I spoke at Tegan's funeral, and the last paragraph that I spoke was, Teagan struggled with things for many years.

And I know that if he were here to tell us today, that he would say that there is help, there is hope, there are options.

I told everybody that Tegan died by suicide.

Well done.

Because I didn't ever want.

That's what happened.

That's the reality of the situation.

And Tegan died by suicide.

And I didn't want.

I didn't want to cover that up.

My baby was four at the time.

My three little kids were four, six, and eight.

Oh, my goodness.

The conversation that I had on my back porch with those little kids, like, I have to be very real about this situation.

Like, they lost a sibling to suicide when they were 4, 6, and 8.

And I had teenagers.

And that was hard in another way because they were closer in age and closer to him.

But when I say I didn't really give people the opportunity, I mean, I really haven't given people the opportunity to not talk about it.

And what an incredible teaching moment for your children to be toddlers or teenagers and to understand, holy mackerel, this can affect us.

And this is a real thing.

What an amazing opportunity to take a tragedy and absolutely pivot and use it as a learning experience for them, whether it's to help themselves or for them to be aware of how their friends or other siblings or family members are handling life.

Right, sure.

Yeah.

And that is one thing that is just part of our family.

Those conversations are.

They're dinnertime talk.

It's normal conversation here, because it has to be.

I feel like, you know, it has to be.

Well, we've tried the alternative, which is not talking about it, and we know that's not working.

Suicide rates have never been higher than they are now, so we know that's not working.

One or two other questions.

I appreciate you being so forthcoming.

And we can print that last paragraph in the podcast notes on the website, if you'd like.

Sometimes when we talk to lost survivors, they say something they learned is that you can hold on to joy and grief at the same time.

How would you respond to something like that?

I see you smiling.

I love that, because one of the things that I really held onto after was a concept that I call the power of.

And I can be in my deepest despair, and I can feel grief and joy at the same time.

And I remember being at my younger son's football game just weeks after Teagan died.

And he normally played defense, but they put him in on offense and they pitched him the ball and he made some.

He made a run and he got some yardage.

And I remember I didn't have it on video, but the friend behind me sent it to me.

I screamed so loud, like, my kids were mortified, they were so embarrassed.

But I can honestly tell you that I.

In those weeks after, when I was feeling like, more despair and grief and hopelessness than I'd ever felt in my life, my experiences was that I felt joy more intensely.

And I'm not sure I've talked to other people.

And I understand now that that's not everybody's experience.

I thought that was just part of it.

But I felt joy and gratitude so deeply.

Like every breath my other children would take was like, such a gift.

And I was so grateful for that.

I remember just asking and praying, like, can this just last forever?

Can I just feel this forever?

And I don't know, maybe that was just a gift I was given to survive it.

I don't know.

But joy and grief can exist at the same Time.

And even now, as.

As the years have gone by, I don't have that same depth of it, unfortunately.

And I don't cherish every moment like I did, like I had hoped I would.

But I still have immense sadness and grief, and I still cry multiple times per week.

It's not daily anymore, but it's multiple times per week.

And.

And I still have joy in life, and I'm still grateful to be here, and I'm still grateful to be raising these kids and.

And watching them grow and progress and do things.

So, yes, simultaneous emotions at once are definitely a thing that are opposite.

Simultaneous opposite emotions.

Yeah, polar opposites.

So there's so much there.

It sounds almost like post traumatic growth, which is when a tragedy happens and people learn how to behave and think and feel and interact differently.

So it sounds like.

And again, this is what it sounds like to me is that you were so aware of having lost Tegan that the emptiness almost became space for you to fill with appreciation and gratitude for the wonderful children you still had.

And so that made every positive experience so much more raw and potent and powerful.

But you know yourself best.

So that's just.

Do you think that describes what was happening?

I do.

I. I do think that's accurate.

And when you say post traumatic growth, like, I didn't know that was a thing at the time, but I really wanted to do something about it, like, weirdly soon.

Like, I'm talking on the scene, I was like, this can't happen.

Like, this can't be a thing.

And I remember I would just lay in bed at night and I just felt called to do something, but I was like, I have no idea what that's going to be.

I have no skill set.

I have nothing.

So I started an Instagram page and I just started talking about my love for Teagan.

And I connected with tons of people.

I connected with people who had lost children.

I connected with people who were like, I don't want to be here.

What do I do?

You know, I connected with a lot of people just organically, kind of by accident.

But this post organic growth thing, like that term has been said a few times, and I think that's what I did.

I don't.

I didn't really mean to, but it's kind of just what happened.

That's how it happens.

Yeah, it kind of what happened.

But what got me through my grief the most was something like therapy.

Obviously, I had a lot of trauma to work through, and I worked through all of that, but then I got to a place to where I felt kind of like.

I kind of just felt stuck in it.

Like, I wasn't really progressing.

But I was like, everybody's like.

My therapists were like, this is normal.

What you're feeling is normal.

You're fine.

But I was like, hey, but I'm not content where I am.

I want something else.

And so I had been a student of life coaching a little bit, so I picked that back up.

But I loved it so much, and it helped me through my grief.

Like, that is what helped me choose those thoughts intentionally and really start to clean up my thinking and grieve in a way that was healthy, but I could still progress.

And anyway, I was like, well, I kind of want to do this.

So I certified and I certified as a life coach.

I created a little organization so people could reach out and get help here in Star Valley.

And my favorite saying is that I hate when people say that everything happens for a reason.

It just rubs me wrong.

And I don't like it for some reason.

Like, I get the concept behind it, but for some reason, it just doesn't feel good to me.

Okay.

But when I say I can find purpose in my pain, I am all about that.

And that is what I just felt so strongly that I had to do.

And so there have been some things that I've chosen to do because I lost Tegan to suicide, and maybe that's post.

Post traumatic growth, I don't know.

But it's what I chose to do.

But it gives me purpose.

Like, this is so hard.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

So each moment that I can find some purpose in that and I can hopefully, like, bring some light to another person or some hope to another person, I'm all about that.

And so that's kind of what my mission has been and where it's where it's led me.

So is there an Instagram handle or a website that you can tell our listeners if they want to follow up and see what you've been doing?

Yeah, sure.

I go by Honestly Amber Coaching.

My Instagram is honestly underscore Amber.

And I think my Facebook page is just Honestly Amber.

That's a public page.

I keep my personal profile private.

Yeah.

And there's also another Instagram page that's very much Teagan.

It's called Tears for Teagan.

And that was the one.

It was just teaching.

I don't even know how long it was.

Just a few weeks after he died.

And when I couldn't sleep and I Just wanted to talk about him and remember him and feel him and like it was so painful.

And I just started posting.

The beauty of that account in particular is that so many people have reached out and told me they were struggling and I was able to have a conversation.

That's exactly what we need, is more reaching out.

Right?

And so we know that connectedness reduces risk and connectedness strengthens communities.

Whether that connectedness is through faith, whether it's just through friends, family, whether it's through shared pain.

There's a.

This saying that pain shared is pain divided.

And if we can talk with others who have common ground and common loss, it somehow lessens the pain.

It's just a human thing, It's a relational thing.

So I'm so glad to hear that you were able to pivot that way again.

I've used the word pivot twice.

It seems like the maybe that's a metaphor for post traumatic growth.

It's sort of finding yourself in a very horrible predicament and finding a way to thrive or prosper.

You know, the word you used is finding that purpose and meaning.

And what we know is that when people have meaning and purpose in life, they're at far lower risk for suicide.

And in fact, it's when people lose that meaning and purpose in life that they think about killing themselves.

So as a way to sort of wrap up, you described that you still have intense grief at times.

And I wonder if there's anyone listening to this podcast who has thought about killing themselves or is currently in a really dark place.

What input or guidance or advice would you have for them?

One of my favorite sayings is everything is figureoutable.

There's nothing.

I feel like sometimes we get to this place in life or people get to this place in life to where it seems so hopeless that the pain is too deep or the problem is too big, or, you know, it's just so messy and it's.

It's impossible that that's not a truth, that's a lie.

Everything is figureoutable.

And it might still be messy, and it might still be hard, and it might still be really difficult, but everything is figureoutable.

And I don't know, you're wanted, you're loved, you're needed, and you will be missed.

I had a high school girl ask me one time.

You know, I've never thought about what my.

What my parents would feel like.

Like, I've.

I've thought about suicide, but I've never thought about what it would do to my parents.

And it kind of took me by surprise, but I was like, I have no words to describe to you what it would do to your parents.

It will destroy them.

Like it is the most difficult thing to go through.

And I think if you're thinking about that, please take just a half a second and think about it because you are loved and you are needed and people want you here.

That's wonderful advice.

Thank you so much, Amber for sharing your personal thoughts and your story and your journey and really appreciate all the input you have and the wisdom for us.

Thank you so much for having me.

I appreciate the opportunity.

Thank you for listening to this episode of One Minute Can Save a Life.

Take care of yourself.

Take care of your neighbor.

Be bold.

Ask the hard questions.

Because if you don't, who will?

Production support for One Minute Can Save a Life was provided by TKB Podcast Studio.

To find out more about our services, go to tkbpodcaststudio.

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