Have you ever felt like the traditional DSM criteria overlook some of the most impactful ADHD traits? You're not alone! 

In this solo episode, in honor of ADHD Awareness Month, I will be sharing five common ADHD characteristics that aren't included in the DSM, yet affect our daily lives, including some cringe moments from mine! 

🔍 Historical Insights:

• Did you know that ADHD was first described by Sir Alan Crichton in 1798?
• From being labeled a "deficit of moral consciousness" by Sir Frederick Still in 1902 to being officially recognized by the American Psychiatric Association in the 1960s, the understanding of ADHD has come a long way.

📈 Recent Trends:

• Increased awareness, driven by social media platforms like TikTok and the challenges posed by the pandemic, has led more individuals to seek an ADHD diagnosis.

🗂️ DSM Focus:

• The DSM emphasizes extreme behaviors, dividing ADHD into three subtypes, each with it’s own criteria
• To get an official diagnosis, you must have not only the behaviors but impairment in 2+ areas of life as a result of them.

💡 Traits Beyond the DSM:

Clumsiness

I’m sharing some personal anecdotes, including my most recent mishap, to illustrate how common clumsiness is among those with ADHD.

Teeth Grinding/Clenching

High mental effort to suppress ADHD impulses and to create a state of focus results in physical manifestations like grinding teeth. Listen for my practical advice to manage this.

Change for the Sake of Change

A low tolerance for boredom means many are quick to change jobs, homes, hobbies, friend groups and even hair colors!

Self-Deprecating Humor

Laughter, despite impulsive mistakes, helps in coping and building resilience. Quite a few comics have ADHD, you know!

Intense Curiosity

This drives many with ADHD towards roles that satisfy their need for novelty and exploration, whether in their careers or personal lives. Where do we think most innovation comes from?

💬 Join the Conversation! 

We want to hear from YOU! What are some ADHD traits you've experienced that you don't find in the DSM? Share your unique or quirky traits with us. 

The first five submissions will be featured in a future episode, with credits given.

• Email me:  diann@diannwingertcoaching.com
• DM me: Instagram or LinkedIn
• Leave a voice message on my SpeakPipe 

Remember, being different isn't just okay—it's what makes you extraordinary! And, at least you aren’t BORING! 

Mentioned during this episode:

Episode #228 with Becca Groner - she teaches improv! 

Episode #230 with Bri Seeley - what radical self acceptance looks like for entrepreneurs 

Don’t  forget to Follow/ Subscribe to ADHD-ish NOW, so you don’t miss a single episode! 

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© 2024 ADHD-ish Podcast. Intro music by Ishan Dincer / Melody Loops  / All rights reserved. Outro music by Vladimir /  Bobi Music / All rights reserved. 

Hello, friend, and welcome to another solo episode of ADHD-ish, the podcast for business owners with busy brains with or without an official ADHD diagnosis. If you are listening during the month that this episode was released, it's October, and that means it is ADHD awareness month. So I wanted to include a little bit of ADHD infotainment this month, and that's what this episode is about. So whether you have been officially diagnosed with ADHD, identify with the traits without getting all official about it, or simply curious, I'm going to share 5 traits associated with ADHD you won't find in the DSM. But first, a quick ADHD history lesson.

I mean, it's complicated and a little confusing. Not only are there 3 different subtypes, there's also mild, moderate, and severe specifiers for mental health professionals to use. So why are so many more people figuring out for themselves that they have ADHD or ADHD-ish tendencies? Well, I would say in the last few years, a big push is that more people are simply talking about it, especially on social media and most prominently on TikTok. TikTok has really spread the word all over the world about ADHD because I think it's the most addictive platform, and people with ADHD are always hopping on whatever the newest coolest trend is. And right now, that happens to be TikTok. So a lot of people are figuring it out because that's where they're spending time, and there are a ton of creators on TikTok who are sharing really good and very entertaining information about ADHD traits. I also think another reason is the pandemic.

I mean, think about it, the pandemic forced millions of people to work from home. Often right alongside their spouse and children, many of whom probably also have ADHD. Now for those who are easily distracted, have trouble regulating their emotions, and get restless and disorganized, the stress of a global pandemic, which affected everyone, and the sudden change in circumstances were just the perfect storm that pushed so many people from getting by to going under, and a lot of them ended up with an ADHD diagnosis, official or not. Parents are often diagnosed shortly after 1 or more of their children, and I also think over the last few years, most pediatricians and child psychiatrists are now aware that ADHD tendencies are passed along genetically from one generation to the next.

As little as 10 years ago, you would have a conversation with a parent about their ADHD child without asking the parent, so which one of you is responsible for this? Now it's much more common, although they probably don't say it that way. So that's our little history lesson now we're gonna go on to why these traits don't make it into the DSM. But in case you don't know what the DSM is, we should probably talk about that first, or I should say, I should probably talk about that first. The thing is, the DSM, you can learn a lot about what to expect about what gets in and what is left out from the purpose and the name. The DSM is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Now, not only is that a mouthful, it's stigmatizing just by nature.

If it's a personality trait, if it is an unfair advantage, if it's just a different way of being and isn't really considered pathological, it's probably not going to make it into the manual. The manual is by design only talking about the more extreme versions of human behavior. So the examples that are listed in the DSM are going to be phrased in a way that is both negative and problematic. So I'm gonna do a quick little, discussion about the different types and what gets into the manual, and then I'm gonna conclude with the 5 things, at least for this episode, that are never going to be in the manual and that I think apply to a lot of people with ADHD, certainly been my experience.

Okay, so you know there are symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity, that's one subtype. You know there are symptoms of inattentiveness and distractibility, that's another subtype. And then there's combined, which is some of both. So these are the traits and tendencies that you'll see in the hyperactive impulsive section, you can't sit still. Now that's a problem when you're a little kid. It's also a problem if you're a judge or an air traffic controller or you just have to stay in your seat all the time. But a lot of jobs don't require that anymore, so you might have this tendency and it's not a problem, unless you have to be in meeting after meeting after meeting or lecture after lecture after lecture.

But not being able to sit in your seat when it's expected to is considered a symptom. So is talking excessively, or you might just start a podcast. Interrupting and talking over others, blurting out answers, and completing other people's sentences. Now some people just think that's annoying, but it is actually considered a symptom of hyperactive impulsive ADHD-ness. Struggling to stay quiet when you're supposed to do so. I used to have a hell of a time taking my 3 kids to church with me back in the day when they were expected to sit still, keep their hands in their lap, and be quiet. It was painful. It was even painful for me.

Fidgeting, tapping the hands, tapping the feet, clicking the pen, you know, tapping your fingers on the table, just doing something, anything, to just keep your body moving when you have to sit still. I've had episodes of this podcast, guest interviews, that I could not release. Because while the person was talking some really good stuff, they spent the whole time moving things around on their desk or clicking their pen or cracking their knuckles and it really was shit audio quality. So it just never saw the light of day and never got into your ear holes, I'm sorry about that, but that's a symptom. Constantly being on the go, constantly needing to do something, needing to have your schedule filled to the brim and overflowing, that was me for years and years and years.

I could not have downtime. I could not even see downtime on my schedule without going into a panic. And one of the other symptoms is trouble waiting your turn. People who refuse to shop anywhere in person, they will only order things online because they cannot stand to wait in a line. They cannot stand to wait their term, that's probably a person with ADHD. Now let's talk about the inattentiveness and the distractibility and, again, this tends to be more women. But if you're combined type like I am, you're gonna have some of this too. Not paying attention to the details, oh, bane of my existence. It's why I have a team now because I still make careless mistakes with respect to details. So a lot of people I work with, that's kind of one of their first goals when they become self employed, is to earn enough in their business to hire someone to do the detail work. I'm not gonna lie, I think that's an excellent motivation.

Difficulty focusing, now in the DSM, it says difficulty focusing, paying attention through meetings, lectures, lengthy reading discussions, but it doesn't tell the whole story. A person with ADHD has difficulty paying attention if the topic is not interesting to them. If it's interesting, they may be hyper focusing. They may be thrusting their hand up in the air and asking a million questions so that they can focus even more intently. It all comes down to whether they are interested, challenged, whether there's novelty or a sense of urgency in the information. So it's just not so simple and primitive, I think, as the DSM describes difficulty focusing. I can hyperfocus when I'm interested, which means, if I wanna be successful in life, I have to make sure I'm doing things that interest me and not too many that don't.

Trouble listening is also on the list and you'll see people who they're looking at you. Their eyes are pointed in your direction. They may even be smiling and nodding their head, but they look like they're a million miles away. That may be a person with ADHD you're talking to, and you may be guilty of this. I was really proud of the fact that I could perfect the art of appearing to be listening when I was a million miles away. Eventually, I got focused but, you know, when you're masking and you don't want people to know you're not really paying attention, that's kinda what you do. You'll also see people who will bring up unrelated matters during a conversation.

So it's obvious that even if they were listening at some point, they have not been listening continuously. So when it's their turn to talk, they may bring up something from 2 or 20 minutes ago, and then people look at you like, what the hell so this is definitely a trait. Failing to complete tasks is probably one of the reasons why people hire me the most because when folks have great ideas, but they get sidetracked, they fail to finish, they don't make it all the way to the finish line. They're always gonna be passed by people who are less brilliant, but who know how to complete what they start. So I think this is a key area for people with ADHD. You don't have to feel shame about it. Just get yourself some help and get some systems in place to keep you on task, and then outsource the stuff that you don't enjoy doing.

Everybody talks about poor organizational skills if you go into many people's homes that appear really disorganized, cluttered, chaotic, like borderline hoarding, these are probably people with ADHD. Because we tend to be disorganized, and we tend to be impulsive. And so impulsive people will buy another thing instead of looking for the one they can't find, especially when you're always in a hurry. You're always doing everything at the last minute, and you honestly don't have time to go look for that thing so you just buy another. Doesn't take too many times doing that when you got clutter, and then you don't know where to put things. This is all related to our challenges with executive functioning, and there are so many incredible books, podcasts, organizational coaches.

Like, we're not gonna talk about this now, but this is a thing that causes people a lot of pain, especially women, because we're the ones who are expected to kind of manage the household, and that's where a lot of the disorganization happens. We're less likely to be really disorganized at work because there's a lot more public scrutiny, and there tend to be a lot more systems and accountability in place that actually help us be more organized. And by the way, the organizational thing includes not only getting your task done, but meeting deadlines as well. And can we talk about time blindness? Being forgetful, being late, doing things at the last minute, losing things you need to do something, misplacing documents, files, folders, glasses, wallets, keys, phones.

This is another sign, and it causes people a great deal of pain because these things tend to be bring you a lot of negative attention. People who are easily distracted with ADHD, sometimes it's a matter of getting, interrupted by others, or we are just as, skilled at interrupting and distracting ourselves. This can be really challenging if someone's talking about something that maybe you're a little bit interested in, but they're taking too long to get to the point. Maybe some of you are thinking that I'm taking too long right now. Or there's just saying something that you can't relate to, or they're saying it in a way that you don't relate to, or you already think you know it.

And so you will just go off on a tangent in your mind, and maybe by the time they get around to saying something you really are interested, they've completely lost you. Now folks who are combined type, they're gonna have some of each of these types of traits from the hyperactive impulsive list and from the inattentive distractible list. But I will also say, even though combined type sounds like, oh, wow, they must have a really bad case. Actually, in my experience, people who are the combined type often tend to be professionals and entrepreneurs, even though they have traits from both lists. It tends to be the folks who are either very hyperactive and very impulsive, who struggle the most, or the ones who don't have any physical manifestations of hyperactivity. They just have a lot going on in their heads.

Perfectionism, overthinking, second guessing, analysis paralysis, distractibility, trouble focusing, trouble finishing what they start. I think these people, especially when they're female and they have anxiety and they're entrepreneurs, I think they oftentimes have the biggest struggles. Now here's the thing, we're gonna get to the good stuff. Because the DSM, remember, it's the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, because it is the manual that dictates whether someone gets an official ADHD diagnosis or not, that individual must have not only the requisite number of symptoms, they have to experience them in at least 2 different domains of functioning, aka 2 different areas of life, such as home and work. And they also need to have had them by at least the age of 12. In my experience, it's usually much sooner and they need to experience impairment in functioning as a direct result of these traits.

So one of the reasons why I rebranded this podcast as ADHD-ish is because I think there are a lot of people who meet the criteria, but there are a lot of people who are just never going to go find out and they're struggling too. And there are even more people, I would estimate 2 to 3 times as many, who have these traits, but don't wanna go to the doctor, don't wanna get on medication, don't identify as having deficits and disorders, don't wanna be in the DSM. They just want to feel and function better than they are now, and I am totally here for that. In fact, I think we have far too much negativity and pathology seeking in our culture in general. So I'm gonna give you 5 traits that I have often observed in others and in myself and heard about from many people who have ADHD or identify as ADHD-ish. And I don't think we're ever gonna see these in the DSM.

Although, hey, never say never right? Alright, number 1, clumsy. Now I'm not saying all clumsy people have ADHD, but many people with ADHD are clumsy, and I've never seen it in any diagnostic workup. Kids with ADHD have more accidents, get more stitches, take more trips to the ER, wear more casts than those that are neurotypical. I have 3 kids, I passed on my ADHD to all of them, and I got some real stories for you, including the time I hit my son in the head with the car door by accident when I was trying to load 3 kids into the car when it was raining, and he slipped on some oil just as I was loading him in. Clipped him right in the forehead, and, man, does it bleed there.

As for me, I had so many bruises and scrapes growing up. I'm surprised to this day no one ever pulled me aside to ask if I was safe at home. So if you know yourself to be clumsy, you're in good company. Just this week, I drove from the Oregon coast all the way to the California desert. Took two and a half days, I drove by myself. I drove with my 2 dogs in their crates in the back seat. I felt like a real badass, let me tell you, that is a long ass drive, and I have never driven that far by myself. But everything went great, I stayed focused. I stayed on time, on task. Everything was great. But when I got back, I returned the rental car. I'm walking down the street to text my daughter-in-law, who's coming to pick me up after I return the car.

And I'm walking down the street and texting her on my phone, walking up the street, the sidewalk. However, there's a certain sidewalk near the Burbank airport that has a big dip. And because I was walking and texting, I didn't see it. Next thing I know, I am sprawled out on the sidewalk. Got a I took the skin clean off my left elbow. I scraped up, banged up, and bruised both of my knees and one of my pinky fingers. And my phone bounced out of my hand on the sidewalk and into the gutter. So now my phone has double vision, and I will be probably getting a new one.

I just have to look up and make sure my insurance is still in effect so the clumsy doesn't go away. You're not gonna outlive it. You're not gonna outgrow it. And it's at the very least embarrassing, and it can be expensive. Like, all I can say is I hope my phone has insurance. So if this is you, no shame. But I do have 3 simple suggestions for you. Do not walk anywhere with your phone in your hand. I mean, you can have your phone in your hand, but please don't look at it. Let my example give you a chuckle and then a reminder. It's not worth it. Suggestion number 2, let your friends in on the fact that when you're walking down the street with them, what walking anywhere with them, especially if you're talking, storytelling and using your hands to gesture, you are going to drift. This is part of the clumsiness.

You're gonna drift into their lane, so to speak. I've run so many people into walls, into trees, right off the sidewalk because I'm talking, I'm gesturing, I'm entertaining, and I'm drifting the whole time. It is part of the clumsiness. It is just simply not being aware of where we are in space. It's a form of not paying close attention. So invite your friends to let you know when you're drifting. Maybe you can have a word or a gesture, or maybe they can just tell you, hey shove over. Whatever you think will work and not send you into a rejection sensitivity fit.

And the 3rd suggestion, if you are clumsy like me with ADHD, if your car has sensors, the newer ones all do, for when you get close to, let's say, another car, people, other objects, like a bicycle or a shopping cart or anything. Do not disable the sensors just because they're annoying. I know they're annoying. We recently got our first electric car, and this thing alerts me every freaking time I even take my eyes off the road for a second, much less all the cameras and all the backup lights and, like, there's no way. Unless I was completely drunk, which I don't drink and drive, there's no way I'm ever gonna be able to run into anything with this car because it is constantly minding me. It's actually one of the reasons why we bought it. My husband says, oh, we need this.

I really do wanna disable this feature, I won't lie. But instead, I decided, okay, I need to be safe. I know I drift, I know I'm not paying attention, and I know I'm clumsy and the last thing I wanna do is run my car into something or someone. So I decided instead of giving into the impulse to disable this feature that I'm going to make it a game to see how long I can go on each drive to avoid hearing that meeeee sound. Anything we can gamify, we are winning okay? Are you ready for the next one? Teeth grinding or clenching.

Now again, for each of these five things, it doesn't mean if you do this thing, you naturally have ADHD. But if you have ADHD, chances are you are going to be more likely than not to be a grinder or clencher. Here's why it makes sense, hyperactivity is real even if you are quiet, introverted, an inattentive, distractible dreamer. Because curbing those impulses to do something other than what you were expected or obligated to do, curbing the impulse to just stare out the window or daydream or doodle or, I don't know, write something. Curbing those impulses so that you can stay on task and finish what you're supposed to be doing requires a lot of effort to be suppressed. It requires a lot of masking so that we don't draw attention to ourself, but it also requires an inhibition of energy.

I was completely unaware of the amount of sheer force I was applying to my poor teeth all those years that I was trying to sit still, keep my mouth shut, avoid interrupting others in meetings, stay on task from beginning to end. By the time I found out, I already had 5 root canals. Now listen if anybody listening is a dentist or an endodontist, I would suggest a niche where you specialize in treating patients with ADHD. Talking gold mine but, again, it would be much more ethical if you would give them all a mouth guard. And if you're listening and you clench or grind, if someone who sleeps in the same room as you tells you make all kinds of mouth noises at night, do yourself a big solid and get a mouth guard now. They are so much less painful and far less expensive than root canals. And by the way, this whole clenching situation, it can also be a little bit of an act of self soothing, even though it causes a lot of soreness in your jaw and even headaches.

All behavior is habit forming, we are used to what we're used to. So don't wait until you got 5 root canals before you do something about this, please. I have so much regret that I didn't learn about this sooner. And I'm also still really butthurt and angry at the whole lineup of dentists who never even asked me if I clench or grind. Still mad about that. Okay, ready for number 3? This is the one I call change for the sake of change. Changing jobs, changing careers, changing residences, changing cities far more often than is typical, this is probably related to your ADHD.

If you are a gen-xer or a boomer, you grew up hearing that you need to pick and stick, pick a career, pick an occupation, pick a path and stick with it. But those with ADHD tendencies get bored so easily. We have a lower threshold for boredom, which means it's easier for us to get bored, and we have a lower tolerance for boredom, which means we're willing to do whatever it takes once we get bored, which includes leaving a perfectly good job or career path once it leaves little to no room for novelty, or we feel like we've mastered it, and we're not learning. We're not being challenged. We're not growing. We're just dialing it in.

If that's you, it's just a matter of time before you are heading for the door or doing something impulsive that leads you to it. So change for the sake of change. Yeah, this is absolutely an ADHD thing, and it's probably never going to be in the DSM. Now if you happen to be in a creative industry, as many of us are, or you work remotely or for yourself, as many of us do, and you identify as ADHD-ish, change for the sake of change also means you have an excellent chance of having 1 or more of the following. More tattoos than you can count. You have lost track of how many previous employers or addresses you have had. You have colored your hair multiple times in shades that do not exist in nature or at least not growing out of a human head naturally. And use the expression, I wonder what would happen if and act on it regularly sound familiar, enough said.

I'm moving on to number 4. You probably have a great sense of self deprecating humor. You might even have become a stand up comedian or joined an improv troupe like one of my previous guests, Becca Groner, from Focused Space. Here's how it works, you have ADHD, so you do a lot of things impulsively. At least half of them are gonna be mistakes, probably more than that. So what are your choices? You're either gonna feel shame and embarrassment and become depressed and withdraw from people. You're gonna become secretive and defensive and really itchy and prickly, if anyone happens to point it out. Or door number 3, you learn to laugh at yourself and invite others to join you.

I am so grateful that this was the route that I decided to take. It is so much more fun to make fun of yourself than to flinch every time somebody says something about you that is not particularly complimentary. Now, obviously, you have to work on your rejection sensitivity in order to be able to learn how to laugh at yourself. And if you have extreme rejection sensitivity, this is probably not a reasonable goal. But if you're willing to try, I think it's worth it. Let's face it, the mental health benefits of laughter are significant. The professional literature is full of them. And as for me, some of the best friends I have ever had, and most of the people I am closest to now, are those who know that they can be really playful with me, and I won't get butt hurt too easily.

I love nothing more than witty banter and mutual pranking, which I consider other forms of this trait. And I love being that playful with other people. It's wildly stimulating for my ADHD brain. It allows some of the physical comedy that gets out some of my hyperactivity. And if the other person is like minded and like brained, you're gonna have a very strong bond. Now if you identify with some of this, but you're just not a get up on stage kind of person, you don't have to miss out on the fun. Just learn to laugh at yourself in a quieter way and invite the people that you feel safe to share that with you.

Okay. We're coming up on number 5, and this is actually my favorite. It reminds me also of Bri Seeley interview, number 230. Intense curiosity that drives focus, action, and effort. Now extroverts with ADHD tendencies may become investigative reporters or salespeople. It is that intense curiosity that drives their focus, action, and effort and makes them very, very successful as reporters and salespeople. Now, if you're more on the introverted side, chances are you're gonna become a researcher, a writer, an author, maybe even a thought leader. See, curiosity plus impulsivity equals risk taking, experimentation, trying new things to see what works. And if you can learn to not be overly concerned when it doesn't, this combination of traits, curiosity plus impulsivity, is not only not pathological.

I mean, there's no deficit or disorder here, but it's also what makes so many creatives and entrepreneurs with ADHD successful. Hey, I have a long list, a long list of ADHD tendencies that are never gonna make it into the DSM, but I would love to hear yours too. So I've added links in the show notes for sharing your favorites with me. You can email me. You can DM me on LinkedIn or Instagram, or you can use the Speakpipe widget and leave a voice memo on my website. So here's the question, if you have a trait that you think, oh, this is definitely my ADHD, but I don't hear anybody talking about it, I wanna know. And if you have a trait that you've been wondering, is this an ADHD thing? I wanna know that too.

So, because we all do better with accountability, if you are one of the first five listeners to share either, oh, yeah, this is a trait, but I don't hear people talking about it or is this an ADHD thing? Either way, if you are one of the first five listeners to share either or both, I will include it in a future episode and with your permission, I will tag and shout you out. In conclusion, happy ADHD awareness month wherever you fall on the spectrum. And remember, friends, it may not be easy being different, but at least it's not boring.