Wisdom-Trek / Creating a Legacy

Welcome to Day 190 of our Wisdom-Trek, and thank you for joining me.

This is Guthrie Chamberlain, Your Guide to Wisdom.

Overcoming Conflict

Thank you for joining us for our 7 days a week, 7 minutes of wisdom podcast. This is Day 190 of our Trek, and yesterday we explored why it is wise to always discuss issues and not argue. Today on our trail to success, we will learn how to overcome the obstacles of conflict that may be blocking your trail. If you miss any of our Wisdom-Trek episodes, please go to Wisdom-Trek.com to listen to them and read the daily journal.

We are recording our podcast from our studio at The Big House in Marietta, Ohio.  Saturday I spent over 9 hours taking down acoustical ceiling tiles, trim, and wallpaper.  It required a lot of going up and down on the ladder and removing hundreds of staples that were holding up the tiles using needle nose pliers. Fortunately, the wallpaper came off easily. To say that I was exhausted at the end of the day would be an understatement.  The Marietta grandkids came over for the evening and assisted with some final wallpaper removal, and Paula and her mom were a big help picking up most of the tiles and wallpaper.

On Sunday, I spoke at the morning service at Putnam Congregational Church.  The lesson was the 5 Principles of Planting and Harvesting, which compared farming to planting and harvesting in our own personal lives. If you would like to hear a similar lesson, listen to Day 15 of our Wisdom-Trek, which is the outline that I used for the lesson today.

After church, we finished packing up the car and headed to Home2 in Indian Trail, North Carolina. We will remain there until Christmas Eve when we will head back north again. We will be at Home2 for about 2 ½ weeks with much work and many activities already planned.

It is now time to head out on our Trek for today, and it has been reported that there are some major obstacles on our trail. The obstacles seem to be caused by conflicts that we are having with other people as well as conflicts that people are having with us. In both types of conflicts, we need to come up with a solution that will get us around or through these obstacles.

Overcome Conflicts Which Block Success

Anytime you are making ground and moving toward success, there will inevitably be the opportunity for conflict. That is just a fact of life. You put two people or more in a group, and there is potential for conflict. And conflict, improperly handled, can destroy your ability to continue on and achieve your goals.

This is true in many areas of life from home, to work, and even with school. It can happen in marriage, and it can happen to family members, friends, and business associates. And when conflict goes bad, success will be limited. The good news is that conflict, when handled properly, can be healthy and actually move you closer to success. Success is based on relationships and relationships offer the chance of conflict, so to get success, you must master conflict. With that in mind, here are some ideas for handling conflict.

When you are the one who is confronting the problem with someone else:

1. Don’t assume. Don’t assume the worst. Don’t assume that they meant what you think they did. Don’t assume they know any better. Don’t assume they did it on purpose. The fact is that most of the time our assumptions are incorrect and all our assumptions do is cause us to get into a deeper hole.
2. Ask questions. Since you can’t assume anything, you must begin your confrontation by finding out the facts as that person sees them. Some questions to ask include What was your intention in saying or doing that? (Maybe they had good but misguided intentions.), What were the thoughts behind those words or actions? (Maybe they actually have a well thought out position that you hadn’t thought of.), and Are you aware of how that might have been perceived? (Maybe they just missed how that would be seen. Everybody is entitled to blow it.).
3. Tell them how you perceive things, or how you feel, rather than what they did. It is never good to start out with telling somebody, “You did this!” Instead, you can say something like, “I feel like your action may have been better if you would have…” Or, “I think that the way that came across may have been…”
4. Deal with one issue at a time. If they battle back a bit, you may be tempted to say, “Well, that isn’t all! As a matter of fact, a number of us here think that you also need to work on…” If there is another issue, then deal with it at a separate time. Too many conflicts go around and around and don’t end up solving the original issue. Stick to one point and see it through to understanding.

When someone is confronting you:

1. Don’t take it personally. Worst-case scenario, you blew it. But that doesn’t make you a bad person. So don’t act like they have accused your character (unless they have, in which case you should try to get the conversation back to the facts). When we take things personally, we become even more protective and we tend to become defensive and in the end escalate the conflict even more.
2. Don’t counterattack. This gets back to dealing with one issue at a time. Don’t try to justify or hide from the conflict the person has with you by showing him or her their problems. If they have a problem, fine. But, talk about it later. Don’t muddy the waters with debate about who is better, or as the case may be, less guilty. As hard as it may be, let the conversation run its course until it is solved.
3. Ask for some time to give it objective reflection. One way to stop conflict from escalating is simply to ask for time to consider it. Most of the time when people confront us, we had no idea it was coming. Our natural tendency is to fight out of reaction. If we go and think about it, we can be objective and approach the situation objectively, or at least more so.
4. Set a time to get back with them and discuss the issue. Let the person know that you take their concern seriously and that you want to deal with it promptly. Set a time, no more than three days away, to get back together. You will keep from reacting, and they may even find that they had confronted too soon themselves.

Either way, here are three points that may help you over or through the obstacles of conflict that are on your trails of life:

1. Keep your eye on the big picture.
   • 1 Peter 4:8 – Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.
2. Always respect the other person as a person.
   • Colossians 3:12-14 – Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.
3. Be solution oriented.
   • Romans 12:16 – Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Conflict doesn’t have to end in a bad way. In fact, it can cause you to develop a deeper and more trusting relationship with the person you have had a conflict with. So the next time you have to confront or you are being confronted, follow the advice above, and you will be much further along toward getting through your conflict in a positive way.

As we trek through life each day, overcome the obstacles of conflict which will block your trail to a rich and satisfying life. Be willing to work through all issues and focus on what is most important in life. As you travel each day, please share Wisdom-Trek with your friends and family and encourage them to join us and come along tomorrow for another day of our Wisdom-Trek, Creating a Legacy as we conquer Alibi Mountain.

That will finish our podcast for today. Remember to listen to your daily dose of wisdom each day. Please share Wisdom-Trek with your family and friends through email, Facebook, Twitter, or in person so they can come along with us each day.

If you would like to be added to our weekly email update and special publications from Wisdom-Trek, just text the word “Wisdom” to 44222 on your phone, and you will receive a message asking for your email address. It is very quick and easy to do.

Thank you for allowing me to be your guide, mentor, and most of all your friend as I serve you through the Wisdom-Trek podcast and journal each day.

As we take this Trek together, let us always:

1. Live Abundantly (Fully)
2. Love Unconditionally
3. Listen Intentionally
4. Learn Continuously
5. Lend to others Generously
6. Lead with Integrity
7. Leave a Living Legacy Each Day

This is Guthrie Chamberlain reminding you to Keep Moving Forward, Enjoy Your Journey, and Create a Great Day Every Day! See you tomorrow!