Shownotes
In this episode of the Inside Out Entrepreneur® Podcast, Suzi Belmont delves into the topic of overachieving and its tie to self-sabotage for women, especially those within the entrepreneurial, business and leadership world.
Drawing on her own extensive experience as a multi 7 figure entrepreneur, coach, mental health and psychology expert, Suzi explains how overachieving often masks deeper emotional patterns and beliefs rooted in childhood and societal conditioning. Suzi's goal is to give you actionable steps to identify and begin to shift these patterns, emphasizing the significance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in overcoming self-sabotage. Suzi also (formally) introduces her Emotional Survival Patterns® (ESP) quiz, designed to help all women, includign entrepreneurs, leaders and high achieving women to recognize their own self-sabotaging behaviors. After all, awareness is the very first step!
The episode aims to help women and entrepreneurs in any industry to give themselves permission to lead themselves authentically from the inside out, balancing important financial and life ambitions with emotional and mental well-being.
Who is Suzi Belmont?
Suzi Belmont is a multi 7 figure entrepreneur (15 years), therapist, coach, mental health and psychology expert known for ‘creating seismic shifts in women and entrepreneurs’, causing ‘quantum leaps in their abilities’ and ‘completely transforming confidence’ in her clients. Her work has been described by clients as ‘mind-blowing’, ‘like having a fairy godmother around’, ‘the most extraordinary coach’, ‘pure gold’ and ‘absolutely life changing’.
She blends her 15 years entrepreneurial experience with psychology, emotional intelligence, leadership, energetics, consciousness, early childhood development, trauma, mindset, neuroscience and a touch of ancient wisdom (she can read Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs fluently) to help you understand how you inner world REALLY operates so that you can harness it to create massive success as an entrepreneur.
Free Resources
Take the Emotional Survival Patterns® Quiz
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Suzi's Current Programs
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Suzi's YouTube: If you want videos to help you with your inner journey, see Suzi's youtube channel.
Suzi's Linked In: If you like the Linked In way, this is your place.
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Transcripts
This week, I'm talking all about overachieving.
Speaker:This is one of those really sneaky things in that you are often
Speaker:aware you're doing it, but you kind of don't know how to stop.
Speaker:And that is often because there's a lot more going on beneath the
Speaker:surface than you might think.
Speaker:So take the next.
Speaker:20 to 30 minutes just for you.
Speaker:This is your time now.
Speaker:Okay, let's go.
Speaker:Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi seven figure entrepreneur with 15 years
Speaker:experience, as well as a psychology expert, qualified coach, and therapist.
Speaker:This podcast is your secret resource to help you grow from the inside out.
Speaker:It's like personal development for entrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
Speaker:up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
Speaker:So, pull up your chair and get ready to change your life and
Speaker:your business from the inside out.
Speaker:This is the Inside Out Entrepreneur Podcast.
Speaker:Hello everyone.
Speaker:And welcome back to the show and to this week's episode.
Speaker:If you are new around here, don't forget to subscribe to the show on whatever
Speaker:player you are listening on, or just come and say hello and follow me on socials.
Speaker:And if you've been around in my world for many years, then thank
Speaker:you for tuning back in today.
Speaker:Just a quick reminder that there is also a secret episode of the show
Speaker:that you can get for yourself over on my website at www.suzibelmont.com.
Speaker:You'll find it on the podcast page there.
Speaker:When you access that VIP show, you also get added to a special VIP list
Speaker:for other future secret episodes.
Speaker:So that's a list you probably want to be on.
Speaker:It's all over on www.suzibelmont.com at the top of the podcast page.
Speaker:Right onto today's show.
Speaker:And hello?
Speaker:Hello?
Speaker:Hello.
Speaker:And let's jump into this week's topic, which is all about
Speaker:overachieving and self-sabotage.
Speaker:And the reason I'm kicking off with this topic is because it is near
Speaker:on impossible to be a coach and a therapist working on the inner worlds
Speaker:of female entrepreneurs, women.
Speaker:leaders and high performing individuals without having a very
Speaker:deep understanding of the emotional life of entrepreneurs, women
Speaker:and leaders.
Speaker:And in particular, self-sabotage I have seen masses of ways
Speaker:that self-sabotage manifests.
Speaker:And I've personally experienced the vast majority over the past 14
Speaker:years as you will have heard if you listened to episode one of the show.
Speaker:One of the most common ways self-sabotage shows up is
Speaker:overworking and over achieving.
Speaker:But overachieving in your business is one of those really sneaky things
Speaker:in that you are often aware that you're doing it, but you still
Speaker:can't seem to get a handle on it.
Speaker:You kind of know what I mean if you're nodding along there, and that's because
Speaker:there's often a lot more happening below the surface than you might think.
Speaker:For example, although overworking is one way that entrepreneurs self sabotage, you
Speaker:aren't usually doing it because you want to overwork or you want to overachieve.
Speaker:The overworking and the overachieving is actually more of a side effect of
Speaker:something else that's going on deep inside of you, connected to your inner
Speaker:beliefs, your past experiences, stress, trauma, your emotions, and a lot more.
Speaker:So for the rest of the show today, I want to talk a little bit more about
Speaker:how you know if you have this pattern of self sabotage and some of the steps
Speaker:you can take to start to unravel this.
Speaker:But I want to be clear that by focusing on this particular overachieving pattern
Speaker:first, I'm not ranking it as the top one or the only one, or the main one
Speaker:that entrepreneurs use to self sabotage.
Speaker:It's not that at all.
Speaker:In fact, there are at least 13 very common patterns of behavior that I've
Speaker:identified from my own experiences, my own journey, my own study, including my
Speaker:master's in psychology, mental health, and wellbeing, my work into trauma, and so on.
Speaker:And these are patterns that entrepreneurs adopt that limit or
Speaker:sabotage Your success in business.
Speaker:And if you want to get a little bit more visibility on what those 13 are,
Speaker:then head on over to my emotional survival patterns quiz on my website.
Speaker:So this is a new quiz up on my new website, and you'll
Speaker:see it at www.suzibelmont.
Speaker:com under the quiz tab.
Speaker:I think it's on the homepage as well.
Speaker:You'll see it there.
Speaker:It's called the emotional survival patterns quiz.
Speaker:And that quiz will show you your top emotional survival patterns, many of which
Speaker:are linked to self sabotaging behaviors.
Speaker:Lots of other behaviors that are linked under there as
Speaker:well, but that's not for today.
Speaker:I will also put the link to the Emotional Survival Patterns quiz
Speaker:in the show notes to this episode.
Speaker:Now I'm going to switch to calling it the ESP quiz because Emotional Survival
Speaker:Patterns is a long sentence and there's a lot of syllables in it, so just ESP quiz.
Speaker:For today though, let's dig a little deeper with this pattern of
Speaker:entrepreneurial behavior where you overwork and overachieve and usually end
Speaker:up in a state of burnout as a result.
Speaker:It's kind of counterproductive.
Speaker:You don't really get out of it what you're supposed to be trying to get out of it.
Speaker:So I have to start with this one because not only was this my story in 2012,
Speaker:when I hit a mega burnout after making The first million in my business in,
Speaker:in just under two years, but because overworking overachieving and overdoing
Speaker:is a pattern that is often there from very early childhood for many entrepreneurs.
Speaker:It doesn't start in your entrepreneurial journey.
Speaker:It starts way before that.
Speaker:And it forms part of an adaptation that you make when you're very, very
Speaker:young to compensate for areas in your life where just accepting yourself as
Speaker:you are was just too difficult to do.
Speaker:On top of that, overachieving is also almost perversely encouraged
Speaker:in the way that society, especially in the West, tends to set up
Speaker:life in the first 25 years.
Speaker:And what I mean by that is both schools and employee life, if you go into the
Speaker:corporate world, which is where schools kind of tend to direct most of the
Speaker:children, promote and applaud a culture of overachieving, overworking, and the
Speaker:consequent long hours that go with that.
Speaker:So not only is this an inner pattern that you may now hold as an
Speaker:entrepreneur, and that may have been there since you were very, very young,
Speaker:but it's also one that's hard to to break, not just because it's inside
Speaker:of you, but because you see it being glorified externally across the globe.
Speaker:Now let's hit this one head on.
Speaker:You're an entrepreneur, right?
Speaker:You're a high achieving person, you're an entrepreneur, and actually you
Speaker:probably have no big problem with doing something differently to other people,
Speaker:at least theoretically, because that's the very essence of entrepreneurship.
Speaker:Albeit some of us struggle with that as well.
Speaker:And to be honest, if you are an entrepreneur and you aren't happy to
Speaker:go out on a bit of a limb on your own, you've got some other issues usually
Speaker:going on around that that also need addressing on your inside world.
Speaker:But what really makes the overachiever pattern so much harder to then manage
Speaker:is even when you really, really want to change it, the roots are so deep
Speaker:inside, embedded in your inner world.
Speaker:Inner Emotional World.
Speaker:That conscious change in willpower, determination, and, well, being
Speaker:honest, trying to do or achieve or work your ass off until you
Speaker:destroy this pattern won't work.
Speaker:You can't beat an overachiever pattern by overachieving.
Speaker:That's not how you get out of it.
Speaker:So think of your overachiever a bit like this.
Speaker:Imagine you have this programming set up.
Speaker:It's then causing you to show up a certain way in your business
Speaker:and your personal life as well.
Speaker:So in that case, how would you know that it's there?
Speaker:How would you know that it's in your core?
Speaker:And this is where you can start to become your own detective.
Speaker:So what I'm going to suggest you do is think for a moment about your life
Speaker:and your business and how you show up, because this pattern shows up not just in
Speaker:your business, but in your life as well.
Speaker:And just think about whether any of the following things that I'm
Speaker:going to read out now apply to you.
Speaker:And I'm going to go through about 10 different things and you can
Speaker:kind of mentally tick off yes that's me or no that's not me.
Speaker:So, number one, you are always doing something and you feel
Speaker:uncomfortable if you stop doing things.
Speaker:Number two, you You spend all day at your desk but actually only work a tiny
Speaker:bit of that time, yet you feel really bad if you go away from your desk,
Speaker:or you leave the office, or you just take a break, even though you're not
Speaker:really working when you're at work.
Speaker:Number three, you use work to stop you feeling something.
Speaker:For example, if you're feeling a bit empty inside or a bit low, you turn to
Speaker:work to kind of plug that gap because you don't know what to do with that feeling.
Speaker:Number four, you do too much.
Speaker:You know that you do too much, but you can't seem to stop.
Speaker:Like you've got this kind of internal program that's
Speaker:making you operate this way.
Speaker:Number five, you drive yourself beyond limits in pursuit of your goals.
Speaker:Number six, one that I'm really guilty of, you overcomplicate things.
Speaker:Number seven, you're really hard on yourself and you push yourself to
Speaker:the absolute max all of the time.
Speaker:Number eight, your relationships may be difficult to sustain as you impose
Speaker:your really high standards on others, or you don't value your relationships
Speaker:as much as your achievements , even if you don't want to admit that.
Speaker:Number nine, you feel safer and calmer in your life If you do well
Speaker:at work or you do well academically, that might have always been there.
Speaker:You just feel better if you do well.
Speaker:You really achieve high grades, for example, at school or you
Speaker:achieve a lot in your business.
Speaker:Number 10, I think we're up to number 10.
Speaker:You easily get addicted to work or other things, actually, but you
Speaker:get easily addicted to your work.
Speaker:I'll give you a couple more.
Speaker:Number 11, you take.
Speaker:All of the courses on a topic, as one doesn't feel enough.
Speaker:You're not okay with just learning about something, you have to
Speaker:learn all of the different kinds of things about everything.
Speaker:Number 12, you need to be, and it's a real need, the best entrepreneur, the
Speaker:best client, the best podcaster, the best course creator, the best anything, really.
Speaker:As long as you're the best, it doesn't really matter what it
Speaker:is . Number 13, I think we're up to, you work excessively long hours.
Speaker:And I'll give you two more.
Speaker:Number 14, you judge work by how many hours you spend at your desk and the jobs
Speaker:that you're ticking off a list rather than things that actually move the needle.
Speaker:That's a really hard one to admit that you might be doing.
Speaker:And then the last one, just by way of example, because there are loads
Speaker:more of these, is You are highly competitive, so sometimes you might
Speaker:struggle with collaborating, even though you want to, you want to build
Speaker:a business network and with people, but it's actually really hard because
Speaker:you're really competitive and need to be better than everyone else around you.
Speaker:So that's just a really short snapshot list of some of the classic traits of
Speaker:this emotional survival pattern, the overachiever emotional survival pattern.
Speaker:And if you want to know for sure whether this one applies to your life
Speaker:and your business, as I mentioned earlier, head on over and take
Speaker:the quiz at www.suzibelmont.com.
Speaker:And you'll find out whether the overachiever and overworking
Speaker:ESP is one of your top patterns.
Speaker:There's a whole load of others that you can find out there as well,
Speaker:but for the sake of this podcast, let's assume for the moment that
Speaker:you do have the overachiever ESP.
Speaker:Well, first up.
Speaker:Congratulations for recognizing that you do.
Speaker:The awareness alone is a huge step.
Speaker:Actually admitting that to yourself is a massive step forward.
Speaker:So huge congratulations if you're right now thinking, yeah, that's me.
Speaker:Or maybe you don't see it in yourself, but you can spot it in your business
Speaker:partner, or your spouse, or your kids . But turning back to you, so
Speaker:much of this pattern, if you do have it, is rooted in your childhood.
Speaker:So, it may have become so normal that you don't actually realize
Speaker:that it's the thing that might be sabotaging some of your success.
Speaker:Not the only thing, there are lots of other things, but it might
Speaker:be one thing that's causing you to sabotage your own success.
Speaker:Now, let's just briefly address the potential elephant in the room here,
Speaker:because I can hear in my head some of you saying, but wait, Suzi, surely
Speaker:working hard and achieving lots is what entrepreneurship and high performance
Speaker:and leadership is all about, right?
Speaker:If you didn't do that, then how would you be successful?
Speaker:And to a certain degree, I'm with you here, but this is where it gets hard.
Speaker:You see, there's a huge difference between working hard and achieving because
Speaker:you're really in alignment with your work and that doesn't feel like work and
Speaker:you're going through things, delegating properly and so on and moving forward
Speaker:in your business and moving the needle.
Speaker:You aren't exhausted, you can take time off when you choose, you might
Speaker:feel like you're achieving with this almost unbelievable ease, and
Speaker:achievement feels like it's fun.
Speaker:Business feels like pleasure and fun.
Speaker:And then there's the other kind of overachieving, which is where there's a
Speaker:constant struggle, feeling like you're trapped in a hamster wheel of achieving,
Speaker:afraid to let go of anything because you're overachieving is like the.
Speaker:Scaffolding that's holding up your business and kind
Speaker:of holding you up as well.
Speaker:And this is the side where it becomes a sabotage.
Speaker:So it's really important to distinguish between those two things.
Speaker:There's nothing wrong with achieving per se and achieving lots of things in your
Speaker:business, but there's a difference between the first example I gave and the second.
Speaker:The second one, where you have this sense of achieving due to constant
Speaker:struggle and feeling like you're trapped in this hamster wheel.
Speaker:This is where I hear my clients saying things like, I made 10, 000 or 100, 000 in
Speaker:my business, but I don't really like it.
Speaker:Or I'm so exhausted I'm wondering why I'm even doing this in the first place,
Speaker:or I work all of the time and I put so much effort in and nothing seems
Speaker:to work, I'm just working, working, working, but I'm not making the money
Speaker:that I want to make, or I've plateaued at a certain level even though I'm
Speaker:working and working and working.
Speaker:These are the things that kind of indicate that the overachiever ESP is showing up.
Speaker:For some of you, you may also be seeing it in a different way in that you might
Speaker:be having success in your business.
Speaker:A lot of success, potentially, but your health isn't great.
Speaker:All your relationships are going down the toilet, because you're essentially
Speaker:running in a constant state of semi exhaustion, not feeling free to stop
Speaker:and take time off, or to reorganize your business in a way that works for you, not
Speaker:just a way that works for your customer.
Speaker:Another flag, another big flag that you might notice is that you just
Speaker:don't have the energy to create something new because you're so
Speaker:stuck in the overachieving mindset.
Speaker:This is where the hamster wheel analogy comes in.
Speaker:And then when your inner radar says, Hey, there's, there's something wrong here.
Speaker:You start to then look outside for validation that
Speaker:you're doing the right thing.
Speaker:And this is where the culture and society that I spoke about earlier.
Speaker:almost stops you breaking free.
Speaker:As you ponder how business could be different for you, how it could be more
Speaker:accepting of your needs, how you could get off the hamster wheel a little and
Speaker:feel some inner freedom whilst also making lots of money, you might be hit slap in
Speaker:the face with messaging from the outside world saying, work hard, play hard.
Speaker:You might recall how you were told whether at school or at work or
Speaker:in a corporate life that hard work produced results or only those who
Speaker:work really hard succeed in life.
Speaker:That was certainly my experience of corporate life, and childhood actually.
Speaker:So it becomes really difficult to reconcile the outside messaging you're
Speaker:getting with the inside feeling that you have that this isn't right, this isn't
Speaker:how entrepreneurship was supposed to be.
Speaker:And for those of you who don't know a little bit about my background,
Speaker:I'll give you an example here of exactly where I experienced this.
Speaker:As some of you already know, I used to be a lawyer, way way back, before I was
Speaker:an entrepreneur, so 15 years ago or so.
Speaker:And I was almost brainwashed into thinking that long hours were
Speaker:everything when it came to success.
Speaker:I had the same experience in school as well.
Speaker:So the long hours took precedence over my health, my mental wellbeing,
Speaker:my nervous system regulation, which by the way, no one had even heard
Speaker:about back then, my relationships.
Speaker:And it showed up in really clever ways, whether being assessed as a
Speaker:lawyer on how many billable hours I had done, what time I had arrived
Speaker:or left, how long I took for lunch.
Speaker:The measure of my success was based on putting time in.
Speaker:And my gosh, this mentality was so strong that I would leave my jacket on
Speaker:the back of my chair when I went home.
Speaker:I would go home even in the middle of winter with just a shirt on my
Speaker:back, so it looked like I was still working if anyone came into my office.
Speaker:My jacket was there, a drink was half drunk on my desk,
Speaker:and a paper was half opened.
Speaker:It was set up to look like I'd just popped to the toilet or out for a quick coffee.
Speaker:Now, before you think I was a total unique weirdo at work, I wasn't.
Speaker:Everyone did this.
Speaker:It was the corporate culture.
Speaker:There was a heavy, Emotional connection to the lowest frequency emotion of shame.
Speaker:Resting, leaving the office, going home, and sleeping were shameful.
Speaker:The good lawyer, the good lawyer that they promoted, was the lawyer who did
Speaker:3, 000 hours a year, ate their lunch at the desk, ideally in 10 minutes maximum,
Speaker:sacrificed everything, including holidays, relationships, family time, for the job.
Speaker:This was the working culture I spent my 20s in.
Speaker:But what I found even more curious when I started to study this was that
Speaker:this overworking, overachieving mindset started even earlier than in my 20s.
Speaker:It was also there in school.
Speaker:It was also there a lot before that.
Speaker:I'm going to stick with school for the moment.
Speaker:And it's still there in many schools.
Speaker:You see, we have this really weird phenomenon in society
Speaker:today where As adults, we now talk about work life balance.
Speaker:We're getting a lot healthier.
Speaker:We talk about not taking the office home, ensuring that we switch off when we're at
Speaker:home, that we turn our work mobiles off, and that we're present with our children,
Speaker:and that we eat mindfully and slowly.
Speaker:We're all becoming aware of this and the benefits of doing this.
Speaker:But at the exact same time, do you notice how children are not treated the same way?
Speaker:We send them to school to work hard, but then almost universally, they're We
Speaker:tell them to bring the office home and work in their bedroom or in their home
Speaker:after school, sometimes for hours and hours, especially when they're teenagers.
Speaker:And a large part of the evening becomes homework, especially for those teenagers.
Speaker:It's really upside down.
Speaker:And you may have seen this, and it often gets justified in a really
Speaker:flimsy way by saying, well, homework encourages independent learning.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Independent learning encourages independent learning, and that can
Speaker:take place within the office hours.
Speaker:Homework, by which I mean work that is designed to be done after dinner,
Speaker:when you get home, in the evening, any time between, for example, 6 p.
Speaker:m.
Speaker:and 11 p.
Speaker:m., is the complete opposite of what we tell adults to do.
Speaker:We tell adults to avoid this.
Speaker:for their health, for their mental well being.
Speaker:And so why is this happening?
Speaker:Well, because homework is focused around promoting a culture where hustle,
Speaker:overworking, long hours are glorified.
Speaker:Meanwhile, self care, rest, emotional and mental well being
Speaker:are almost seen as weaknesses or things that you have to justify.
Speaker:And we have a long way to go in correcting this, but as
Speaker:entrepreneurs, we get to take the lead.
Speaker:This is what typically entrepreneurs do.
Speaker:Now just for a moment, come back into sort of corporate life because I know
Speaker:many people have experienced that.
Speaker:So compare if I was talking to a new corporate business, or your business,
Speaker:let's say it was your business and you're running it with your team as
Speaker:an entrepreneur, and you have a policy that every employee takes around two
Speaker:hours work home with them per night, which is about the same as what most
Speaker:teenagers end up with at homework.
Speaker:Your employees and people and your peers would say, well, that's not
Speaker:really promoting a work life balance.
Speaker:I wouldn't expect my own employees to do it.
Speaker:So why don't we start all humans out on this path?
Speaker:And if you think about it, think about why schools were created.
Speaker:You know, go back to schools.
Speaker:They are institutions designed to prepare children for working life in
Speaker:a factory where long hours mattered.
Speaker:Being able to work 15 hours a day made the factory owner a lot of
Speaker:money a hundred, 150 years ago.
Speaker:But you, you are an entrepreneur.
Speaker:You're not working in a factory.
Speaker:And so the school system that you went through will have played into your
Speaker:mentality and your inner world to let you believe that productivity and success
Speaker:was linked to the hours that you put in.
Speaker:But it isn't.
Speaker:That is not how it works in entrepreneurship.
Speaker:Now I'm not saying that you don't have to get really good at what you're doing.
Speaker:You have to get good at your skill and putting in your 10, 000
Speaker:hours or whatever it is to get good at your skill is one thing.
Speaker:But I'm talking about when you've got good at your skill and
Speaker:you are running your business.
Speaker:Putting in all of the hours isn't how your inner world works, if you really want to
Speaker:enjoy your life and your business as well.
Speaker:You see why I've gone into all of this, you see why this is such a hard pattern
Speaker:to break, and I haven't even touched upon the true core, the origin of the
Speaker:overachiever pattern, which is rooted in your inner emotional world, and that's
Speaker:something I dig into in my programs.
Speaker:The point I want to make for today is there is a big difference in how you need
Speaker:to show up as an entrepreneur and how you were taught to show up in school, which
Speaker:was geared towards being an employee.
Speaker:And frankly, as an entrepreneur, you get to set the rules.
Speaker:You are the leader.
Speaker:You get to lead yourself.
Speaker:You get to choose to do a four day week or three hours a day or a six day
Speaker:week, if that floats your boat, or a five day week, whatever you want to do.
Speaker:That's up to you.
Speaker:You get to choose what prices you want to charge, you get to set
Speaker:prices that match what works for you.
Speaker:You get to place a high value on family time, on relaxing, on presence
Speaker:with your spouse or your kids.
Speaker:You get to choose it all.
Speaker:You get to choose to stop working each day.
Speaker:You get to choose to take a sabbatical if you can afford it.
Speaker:And then if you're like me, you realize that this is the least entrepreneurial
Speaker:move ever and super, super hard, way harder than running a business.
Speaker:More about that in the secret podcast episode that's over on my website.
Speaker:Every single part of your business is a choice, but when you have conditioning and
Speaker:societal influence, and when you have core emotional survival patterns running the
Speaker:show that are rooted in your inner world, it doesn't feel like you have a choice.
Speaker:So if you're hearing what I just said about choice and thinking, well, I
Speaker:don't feel like I have a choice here.
Speaker:I really try.
Speaker:I really try and not do this, but it's like the choice isn't happening.
Speaker:Then this is another clue that your ESPs are running the show,
Speaker:not the true inner leader and the powerful human that you are.
Speaker:But what is really important to remember is this can change.
Speaker:This pattern can be broken.
Speaker:This ESP that's inside of you, the emotional survival pattern can be changed.
Speaker:So this is where you kind of hit the jackpot and the paradigm
Speaker:shift, because once you realize that you, and only you, have.
Speaker:to change your way of thinking and being an entrepreneur, then you have to start
Speaker:to recode yourself from the inside out.
Speaker:And this is where I tend to help entrepreneurs, as
Speaker:I mentioned in my programs.
Speaker:But on your own, you can start to recognize and become truly aware just how
Speaker:much society is rewarding overworking.
Speaker:That awareness is such a big step.
Speaker:Awareness will also help you understand that the original
Speaker:seed for this, is in you.
Speaker:was not usually school.
Speaker:It is usually even earlier than school
Speaker:. So please don't blame yourself if you're struggling to beat this pattern because
Speaker:everything is kind of stacked against you in the society that we live in.
Speaker:So why is this relevant to entrepreneurial self sabotage?
Speaker:Well, the problem with overworking or working after work or around the
Speaker:clock or in the evening after a long day in the office is that all of that,
Speaker:that way of being, those beliefs, that pattern, is about glorifying
Speaker:nervous system dysregulation.
Speaker:If you look at what's happening inside of you when you're
Speaker:overworking, it's not pretty.
Speaker:Your nervous system isn't happy, but your brain is confused.
Speaker:Because society creates this message that long hours, hustling,
Speaker:pushing yourself outside what you feel is your limit is normal.
Speaker:Society teaches you to literally ignore what your body is telling you.
Speaker:But you know what?
Speaker:Your body will tell you.
Speaker:It will tell you the moment your head hits the pillow.
Speaker:By not letting you sleep because you're exhausted, it will send
Speaker:your mind into overdrive trying to think about how to resolve issues.
Speaker:Or if you do crash into bed, you'll wake up at 3am and be constantly
Speaker:in this 3 to 5am wake up schedule.
Speaker:It Even when you're really, really tired.
Speaker:Or, you might keep getting sick with mysterious illnesses you can't explain.
Speaker:Now, I'm assuming that if you did get sick, you would have gone
Speaker:and checked with a doctor that there isn't any actual illness.
Speaker:But if it's an illness, there's nothing showing up and you keep getting the
Speaker:same thing, this is probably linked somewhere to your nervous system.
Speaker:And if you ignore it long enough, you will end up with physical pain as a
Speaker:result of ignoring those inner needs.
Speaker:Your body is pretty amazing and communicating from the
Speaker:inside out all of the time.
Speaker:And the problem is that you are trained from this really early
Speaker:age just to not listen to it.
Speaker:A great example there is my daughter told me literally this morning on
Speaker:the way to school, she said, she was telling me that yesterday she was really
Speaker:proud of herself because she didn't go to the toilet all day at school.
Speaker:And I said, well, why did you do that?
Speaker:You need to go to the toilet when you need to go.
Speaker:And she said, yeah, but the teachers don't like it when we go to the toilet.
Speaker:So we were told to hold it in until the end of the day.
Speaker:And I said to her, no, that's not okay.
Speaker:You listen to your body.
Speaker:If you need to go to the toilet, you've got to do what your body's telling you to.
Speaker:So I'm kind of reverse teaching her the message that she's getting from society.
Speaker:This very early training, not to follow your intuition, not to follow
Speaker:your bodily needs, but instead to follow the rules, the regimes, the
Speaker:work rules, the cultural rules, the society rules, and push through.
Speaker:Maybe it's what your parents said as well.
Speaker:Maybe they pushed you this way as well.
Speaker:This is what makes this problem an ongoing thing.
Speaker:You're ultimately trained to measure your success not on how you feel,
Speaker:but on how many hours you're putting in or how much money you make.
Speaker:Let me say that again.
Speaker:You're trained to measure your success not on how you feel, but
Speaker:on how many hours you're putting in or how much money you're making.
Speaker:Think about how you measure success.
Speaker:Which one is it?
Speaker:And worse, you end up feeling inadequate so frequently that this can end up
Speaker:driving you to overwork even more as it kind of makes you feel better.
Speaker:Your inner world is telling you that there's an issue, but
Speaker:instead of addressing the emotions inside, you reach out for a fix.
Speaker:And that fix is to overwork.
Speaker:And then to neglect your self care and what is so sticky about this and
Speaker:why I class this as a hidden sabotage is because when you really dig into
Speaker:the inside world of what is happening inside of you, that causes you to
Speaker:overwork and to overachieve, there is so much self rejection behind this.
Speaker:This is why so many of my clients tell their friends about my programs, because
Speaker:once you've worked with me and I show you what's going on inside of you.
Speaker:You realize that unless you remove the sabotaging patterns within your business
Speaker:and within your life, your business is just not going to work in the long run.
Speaker:Even if you're making money, you're not going to feel that you're successful.
Speaker:Sure, you might push through for a couple of years or get some
Speaker:financial success as a result.
Speaker:You may be into multi six figures or whatever it might be.
Speaker:But ultimately, what I see over and over again is bloody good entrepreneurs and
Speaker:leaders not realizing that their inability to understand their emotions, their inner
Speaker:world, and the big signals it is sending them cause them to create a business they
Speaker:end up not really liking very much, or one where they almost feel trapped in a cycle
Speaker:of overachieving, like a hamster running on a wheel that it just can't get off.
Speaker:Emotional intelligence is so important when it comes to business.
Speaker:And understanding your own emotions and your own emotional survival patterns.
Speaker:These are the things that I've created.
Speaker:These things called ESPs is vital.
Speaker:It's what I help
Speaker:Women and.
Speaker:entrepreneurs with because it's a total game changer in your business and in
Speaker:your life and in your relationships.
Speaker:So if you want to learn a little bit more about how to handle your
Speaker:emotional inner world and stop that self sabotage cycle, have a look at my
Speaker:programs over on www.suzibelmont.com.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:For now though, for those of you who are just beginning to realize that you
Speaker:might be caught in an overachiever trap, what can you do as your first step?
Speaker:This is what I want to give you as an actionable takeaway from today's show.
Speaker:So grab your phone and your notes in your phone or a piece of paper and a pen,
Speaker:whatever works for you and I'm going to give you three steps that you can take.
Speaker:Step number one, that's to become aware.
Speaker:So that's sort of what we've been doing for part of this podcast.
Speaker:So start to notice and record the times when you're using work and highly
Speaker:masculine doing energy, where you're just doing, doing, doing all of the
Speaker:time, to get through difficult times.
Speaker:And some of the things you want to try and notice that you might
Speaker:be doing might be driving yourself beyond your normal, natural, healthy
Speaker:limits in pursuit of your goals.
Speaker:Overcomplicating things, being really hard on yourself and pushing
Speaker:yourself always to the absolute max.
Speaker:Your relationships are another area to look.
Speaker:Are they difficult to sustain because you're putting such high standards on
Speaker:other people and you're valuing your achievements more than your relationship?
Speaker:Do you feel safer and calmer in life if you do well in work?
Speaker:or you're achieving a lot, or you're excelling academically, or
Speaker:was that how you used to be in the past and have you changed from that?
Speaker:Do you think others will be impressed by all of the things you are achieving?
Speaker:Are you easily addicted to work or other things?
Speaker:Do you find that when you take courses, online courses, on a particular topic,
Speaker:one course about it doesn't feel enough?
Speaker:You have to take three or four different courses to make sure that you've
Speaker:covered every single possible angle?
Speaker:Do you find that you're constantly trying to be the best?
Speaker:The best entrepreneur, the best client, the best creator of courses,
Speaker:the best parent, the best child, the best sister, the best whatever.
Speaker:Is it always your goal to always be the best?
Speaker:Being the best really matters to you or if you can't achieve that, you actually
Speaker:end up being focused on being the best at rejecting what needs to be done.
Speaker:So maybe being the best at being the worst becomes your goal.
Speaker:Does that happen to you?
Speaker:Do you work excessively long hours?
Speaker:Do you find that when you're stressed, maybe you've got stress with your
Speaker:children or your friends or your partner, that you go to work to calm down?
Speaker:That's a really big red flag for the overachiever ESP kicking in.
Speaker:Does your self worth come from what you're doing and what you're
Speaker:achieving in your business?
Speaker:Do you sit at your desk for hours on end even when you know you
Speaker:aren't really being productive?
Speaker:Do you find you're losing touch with your inner emotional world?
Speaker:Because all of your energy is spent on what you're trying to achieve
Speaker:in your outer business world.
Speaker:Do you find it really hard to say no?
Speaker:Do you find that no level of achievement appeases you?
Speaker:You always want more, no matter how successful you get, you
Speaker:always feel that it's not enough.
Speaker:Do you find yourself going after goals purely to achieve them, even if you aren't
Speaker:sure you really need them or want them?
Speaker:It's kind of a collector of achievements.
Speaker:Do you fear being seen as a failure by other people?
Speaker:I'm going to stop there because otherwise this will go on for a long time.
Speaker:But if you find that you're recognizing a fair few of these patterns, this is where
Speaker:you're going to have to step up a bit.
Speaker:These patterns stem from a complex inner world that you will need help to unravel,
Speaker:but you absolutely can unravel them.
Speaker:And if you've made it this far in the show, you know, you know that there
Speaker:is something that's been blocking you from achieving your success.
Speaker:or the success that you truly would deserve.
Speaker:And you know that it's probably time to start to address that.
Speaker:But this is not about fixing you.
Speaker:It's about unwrapping the true you inside of you who's currently blocked from
Speaker:showing up in the most powerful way for you because of this overachiever ESP.
Speaker:You are self sabotaging and it's causing you not to be aligned with
Speaker:who you really are on the inside.
Speaker:You're an entrepreneur, you're a leader, you can lead yourself,
Speaker:you can find out what you love and grow that with ease without the
Speaker:overachieving hustle all of the time.
Speaker:And this is the first step about recognizing how you are showing up
Speaker:externally and how that is completely dictated by what is going on internally.
Speaker:And likely just by listening to this, you might be realizing that just by working
Speaker:harder or doing more stuff or achieving more or adding more things to your to
Speaker:do list in your business, you're not going to move the needle in fixing this.
Speaker:Equally, having someone say to you, just do less, will be about as appealing as
Speaker:being asked to cut out your own kidney.
Speaker:Too hard, too painful, absolutely no way you could do that even if you wanted to.
Speaker:Because it's not as easy as just saying, well I need to do less, because it's your
Speaker:inner programming that's driving this.
Speaker:So, just take the first step only and start to become aware
Speaker:of what patterns you might have.
Speaker:That's enough for this step.
Speaker:And remember, if you're not sure about whether you've got the
Speaker:patterns, you can always take my ESP quiz over on my website.
Speaker:Step two, document when you do this the most.
Speaker:So, the things that I've just been talking about.
Speaker:When are you showing up and acting like this?
Speaker:Becoming aware is one thing, but starting to notice any trends or patterns may
Speaker:help you realise when this pattern, this ESP pattern, shows up the most.
Speaker:For example, do you find that when your income dips, this creates a fear that
Speaker:makes you want to achieve more, but when your income is stable, you take
Speaker:the foot off the accelerator a bit?
Speaker:This kind of pattern will be a big clue as to how much your emotions are driving
Speaker:or sabotaging your success . Step 3.
Speaker:Start to take ownership Of your boundaries.
Speaker:So you are the one who is going to be responsible for changing your patterns,
Speaker:and absolutely someone like me can coach and mentor you around how to do this.
Speaker:But at the very get go, as you start to apply your awareness, start to look
Speaker:at the goals and boundaries you have in your business and your personal life.
Speaker:If you were employed by someone else and your boss was telling you
Speaker:to work evenings without pay, you'd have to set a boundary, right?
Speaker:This is no different.
Speaker:Your boss is you.
Speaker:You are the entrepreneur, you are the leader.
Speaker:You are the master of your own life.
Speaker:So, you have to be the one who starts to say no to overwork.
Speaker:Now, I'm not saying this is easy and there's a lot more inner work that
Speaker:goes with doing this, but this is the first step in the right direction.
Speaker:And in my programs that I do and I cover and they talk about on my website,
Speaker:there's a lot more that you can do here, but trying to take those first steps
Speaker:will show you where you are right now.
Speaker:You may find it quite easy to set boundaries to overachieving.
Speaker:You may find it hard, but until you try, you won't know.
Speaker:Either way, I'm here for you and any questions you have,
Speaker:you know how to reach me.
Speaker:So as a starter, think about how you are prioritizing things that you have to do.
Speaker:For example, do you have a big long list of jobs and then each day you just fill
Speaker:the day by picking off those jobs that are the easiest to do, but actually don't
Speaker:really move the needle in your business?
Speaker:Are you just busy looking busy?
Speaker:If you're doing this, one of the first steps you can do is ditch the to do
Speaker:list and start time blocking instead.
Speaker:This is something I'll talk about in another episode I've spoken about
Speaker:before in previous shows and it's a really good way to get on top of your
Speaker:work but I'm not going to say more about that here other than to flag that
Speaker:your boundaries and self leadership is going to need you to start recognising.
Speaker:what you're doing right now.
Speaker:Because without knowing that, it's hard to then notice when you've
Speaker:stopped doing it, or when you've moved forward and made some progress.
Speaker:And on that note, I'm going to set a boundary here.
Speaker:There's so much I can share with you about this topic, about sabotage,
Speaker:about all of the different ESPs, and particularly the overachiever ESP.
Speaker:And being honest, my overachiever ESP would love for me to keep going
Speaker:and tell you everything possible.
Speaker:But true Suzi, the real Suzi inside says it's time to stop and to let you know that
Speaker:that's it for this week on the podcast.
Speaker:So thank you for being with me here today and I will see you in the next episode.
Speaker:Oh, and don't forget, head over to the website and take the ESP quiz
Speaker:if you're curious to know about how emotional survival patterns
Speaker:are showing up in your life and in your business . See you next time.
Speaker:Oh, one thing before you go.
Speaker:If today's show helped you, please leave a five star review over on apple podcasts.
Speaker:for those of you who take the time to write a written review,
Speaker:I will be sending lots of lovely positive vibes right back at you.
Speaker:It's your reviews that really let me know whether you're enjoying this new show,
Speaker:whether you're happy for me to be back, and then I get feedback to produce more.
Speaker:So please do share any positive reviews.
Speaker:Over on iTunes, or wherever you choose, or you can even email me.
Speaker:Please also feel free to share the show with your friends and family.
Speaker:Let's help more women and entrepreneurs build their business from the inside out.
Speaker:Bye.
