This week incredible professional speaker, respect expert, and dear friend, Mike Domitrz is in the booth with me! Age has hurt Mike’s ability to do a lot of late-night eating so we quickly moved past that. We did bond over being in charge of the morning announcements in grade school and getting in trouble for something we said. Then Mike shared the moment he decided to drop his dream of Broadway and decided he wanted to be a family man. Tragically his youngest sister had been raped and it completely, and understandably, rocked him. Mike talks a lot about respect and hearing how he absorbed it was fascinating because the way we learned it was completely different. We talked about the different ways one comes to respect someone else: etiquette and honor-focused vs. role-modeled and earned respect. Mike went on to create the Center for Respect and discussed the work they do. He discussed the unintentional ways we sometimes disrespect others. A powerful part of our conversation was when we talked about how can we get individuals to know that just because they themselves may not be the problem, they can and should be a part of the solution of important issues such as sexual violence.  This was a great one, y’all, enjoy!

About the Guest: 

As the Founder of The Center for Respect, Mike Domitrz speaks around the world. You may have seen him quoted in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, or maybe you’ve seen him as a featured expert on the Dateline NBC Special “My Kid Would Never Do That.” For 3 decades, businesses of all sizes, organizations, schools, and the US Military have been bringing Mike, his passion, and his high energy for helping them build a culture of Respect. Mike believes "Respect is not the standard of excellence. Respect is the bare minimum requirement." AND he loves to dance, he loves being a husband, he loves being a dad to 4 grown men, and he LOVES being a grandpa.

Connect with Mike and learn more:

http://www.CenterForRespect.com

https://www.YouTube.com/MikeDomitrz

https://www.Instagram.com/MikeRespects

https://www.Facebook.com/MikeRespects

https://www.Twitter.com/MikeRespects

https://www.tiktok.com/@mikerespects

https://www.amazon.com/Can-Kiss-You-Thought-provoking-Relationships/dp/0997286601

About the Host: 

Friends! Here's a somewhat stuffy bio of me:  

I am an author, professional speaker, coach, host, and entrepreneur. My first book, Leading Imperfectly: The value of being authentic for leaders, professionals, and human beings, is available wherever people buy books. I speak internationally to willing and unwilling attendees about authenticity, vulnerability, and leadership. My clients include American Express, General Electric (GE), Accenture, Yale University, The Ohio State University, and many others. As a speaker, I am doing the two things I loves the most: making people think and making people laugh! 

I host my own events multiple times a year. They are 2-day events called Living Imperfectly Live (and sometimes they are 1-day virtual events). They are a space where humans from every walk of life can come together to be part of a community in the pursuit of badassery. The goal is to help attendees start living the life we say we want to live.

Alas, you're here because of an idea I had a number of years ago and didn't think I was good enough to pull it off. I finally acted on it and alas Diner Talks with James was born! As you can see from what I do in my professional life, Diner Talks is aligned with everything I believe in and teach.  If this wasn't dry enough, and you would like to know more info about my speaking, events, or coaching feel free to check out my website: JamesTRobo.com.

Let’s Be Friends on Social Media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamestrobo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamestrobo

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesrobilotta/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/JamesRobilottaCSP

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/JamesTRobo

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Welcome to diner talks with James. Slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be.

My friends what is going on? Welcome to another episode of diner talks with James. I'm James and I am super pumped to be here with you all y'all. I'm really pumped also about the community that we are forming here in the diner and I need you to do me a favor. Have you eaten at a good diner recently? What is the best late night spot that you have eaten in? Just maybe in the last couple of months? I would love is it you know, are you at a diner in the northeast? Do I have for you at a steak and shake? Are you at a waffle house you got a great taco truck on the West Coast or something like that. I would love to know because we're back traveling again as speakers and I am on the road. And I'm always looking for some greasy spoons in some places with stories to spend time and so if you could do me a favor go to diner talks with James on Instagram and and just shoot me a quick dm over there. And let me know what is the spot that you think I need to check out as I get back on the road and get to explore this heck of a United States we got here and hopefully soon we get through some international stuff. Y'all let's jump in. We got my boy Mike Domitrz coming in to the diner slide into the squeaky booth with us today. And I'm pumped. He's someone who I have known for a long time but only recently met in person for the first time. And he was everything that I want him to be. Mike is the founder of the center of respect. They've educated hundreds of 1000s of folks about overcoming negative societal influences and assumptions, consent, respect relationships, bystander intervention, supporting survivors building healthy relationships. This place is incredible. And I'm excited to have Mike tell us more about it. He speaks in over 70 cities a year around the globe. He's been featured on dateline, he's also got a really great podcast called the mutually amazing podcast exploring work life and love. He also passes out shirts that say Can I kiss you just in case you wanted to know more about Mike Domitrz? That pretty much says it all. But I am excited to bring him out right now. Come on out here, Mike. Hey, brother.

I'm doing great James. I love that you paused when you said he passes out? And then you pause? When do I pass out? And then you said t shirts. I just love that little moment for the audience.

You know, it's the power of the pause that we as speakers have. But it's a matter of where we put it. Very, very true. It's like It's like those those classic memes about where the where the comma goes in the sentence and how quickly it can change. Oh, yeah. What's up Mike, how you doing today?

I'm doing wonderful. I'm just thrilled to be here with you James I you know, when we it was Vegas of all cities that we met in for everybody listening. And it was such a joy to get to know you there because I have seen you in you know, both social media and we have we have mutual friends galore, and yet never had that opportunity. And I just love your energy, your presence. And all you're doing out there.

Thank you brother. And I love what you have done for what does keep the compliments circle going. I love that you have done for the for the speaking industry. And more importantly for the individuals that you've been able to touch to the center of respect. It's just I've just it's always been something that I've watched from afar. I was like, Yo, this dude is doing really cool work. And so I'm pumped to have you here. Well that's in the diner but my here's the thing, this show this shows called diner talks with James that dinner talks with James is a lot of people who introduced me on stage like to say, but diner talks with James and and so the reason why it's called that is because I think some of the best conversations in our lives occur late at night with the friends that you never want to leave over the food you probably shouldn't be eating. And so if that is the case, I'm wondering, do you have any late night, guilty pleasure eating spots or foods that you like to eat? You know, I know that you're a father and that sometimes changes what the hours of the day look like and what late night means. But I'm wondering, do you have a late night food pleasure, guilty pleasure?

Well, I the irony of this is everything because the first time you and I actually talked talked was at a late night sitting next at a restaurant with a group of 10 people I think that was like 10 o'clock at night we all were you were sort of wrapping up there we joined you then. And here's the thing, so I I'm from the dad stage to the grandpa stage. So all my kids are out of the house. I'm empty nest it for them. Part. So my schedule is not in the federal parenting schedule. However, however, he has changed my body's willingness to eat certain things. So it has changed my ability to diners. Because I found out recently I have to be gluten free. Oh, yeah, the diner max out the diner world pretty dramatically the bar so I used to be an ice cream late night person. And then and I still can be is the chips. So I love to dive into some good guac and chips. That's my thing. And so that's my my weakness.

That's the weakness, right? Yeah. Are you making your own guacamole?

No. I get the mini little finger rip off and you have its back and right here for the dish. I'm lazy when it comes to that.

I mean, if you decided to make guacamole at 10 o'clock at night, I'd be impressed. So I don't blame you for doing what you're doing. That's my philosophy with Exactly, exactly. Now. Your accent isn't hiding anything, brother. Unfortunately, I don't have an accent because I speak perfectly yorkeys but but you are from the Midwest. You born and raised Wisconsin, Chicago land like where do you Where do you claim home?

So yes. And yes, born in Illinois, but raised in Wisconsin at age six moved to Wisconsin, and I've been here southern Wisconsin ever since?

Yeah, yeah. I love it. So when you were growing up, man, what? What was the dream? What did what what did young Mike want to be what

young Mike knew what he wanted to be on? Oh, yeah. He was going to be an actor on Broadway. Okay. And so that's what I pursued. And that's what I went to college for and studied in college. So that was the that was the dream, the pursuit, and I loved it.

That's awesome. Now, we're so on Broadway. So you are so you got the singing the dancing?

Oh, no. I so I have. I have the dancing. I'm I to this day. I love to dance. So I live to dance if I get the opportunity. So the dancing Yes, the acting was my major thing. And the singing was the struggle of those categories. So I was not likely going to be found in a musical on Broadway.

Yeah, yeah. Or if you were it wouldn't be in the singing. Exactly. That is incredible. What is growing up? Did you have a dream role that you wanted? Like, were you like, Oh, I want to be Nathan Detroit. And guys? No, no, I

didn't have that what I would do so I was the youngest of four and I was four years younger than everybody else. Somebody else was like two years apart than me. So I wouldn't be home alone a lot because by the time I hit 14, everybody was gone. So I would I know that sounds weird, but I would mimic being a talk show host and I would play both characters. So I wouldn't be the interviewer interviewing the actor and IPv actor performing answering the questions and just have fun trying to be creative that way and and do silly different things. I would do morning you know High School morning announcements. Yep. I did them in characters.

Incredible.

So it to the point I got in trouble but I had a blast doing it.

Yeah. Here's a fun fact that we didn't know about each other. I did the same exact thing. The talk show thing I know I didn't do that. That's weird. Though it is my dream to be a talk show that's the that's the ultimate dream for diner talks. okay to have this like get shot with three cameras and stuff like that like that. That is That's the dream for diner talks with James and that's what we're trying to build towards but so I do love the talk show idea but no, I also did the morning announcements in school and did them and characters and and got in trouble. What character gets in trouble? Well, this is ashamed to admit publicly but here we go. So I did the Pledge of Allegiance in a Latino Hispanic accent. Gotcha.

And the irony of that with what you do today right? I'm Yeah, yes correct. No, and I think we can both have moments like that we can look back and going oh my gosh, my current Mike would be appalled of that. Yeah, absolutely. We've been there that's that's so intriguing. And and

the unfortunate part is that I didn't get in trouble because of like the social justice angle right inappropriate angle. It was the defamation of character out of the pledge allegiance, right like that right issue with my with my principal. So yeah, it is Yeah, what a time what a time but I got a feeling it because because the boys got charisma and I schmooze them into let me keep going.

I add to the got me in trouble. I remember the church lady. Yeah. So I did a church lady impression advertising school dance. And I mentioned gyrating, your buttocks. A knife. And then I did this whole little thing. And by the time the sentence got out of my mouth, the Assistant Principal was on my side, out of their office, and right there in my face waiting for that thing to get shut out, shut off. Had some choice words for me about words that can be used on a microphone. And I'm like, it was binocs it wasn't, you know, I didn't swear I didn't. And then the other time I got in trouble was Good Morning, Vietnam. And I did I did. Good. Morning. Why were I school and I did it full volume into the mic. I didn't even know it. The windows were shaking in the cafeteria.

Pull back.

I didn't pullback. And people either loved it, or hated me for waking them up. Yeah. Because, you know, this is a start of school. So I didn't get in trouble with the school for that one. I got more of backlash from students, because what are you doing? It's 8am. So it was you know, just funny. You have to you have to laugh.

But you have to laugh and it sounds like it worked. I mean, you know, it was supposed to do especially a fitting a fitting thing to talk about too, as I believe yesterday, or the day before was the seventh anniversary of Robin Williams passing. No hard to believe it was he was he was a hero of mine. And still is really And so yeah, that's one that still gets me. But yeah, I would say he was the first celebrity the first celebrity yet that really like truly impacted me like I remember like truly being somber and mourning and, and just yeah, it was he was the he was the first one others others have been very sad as well. Don't get me wrong, but I think yeah, I mean, just speaks to the impact that he had had made on me and the one that I'd look forward to him continue to have. That's powerful.

I, I remember, his mentor had a major impact on me. Do you know who his mentor was early on? There was I don't know who his mentor is. Jonathan Winters, Jonathan Winters,

okay.

But he would bring Jonathan Winters on Mork and Mindy, because he was his mentor. Remember Jonathan Winters played like the baby in the diaper kind of thing, the huge of that's the way they played it, right, that type of a thing at the time. And he that was one of his early mentors, in Jonathan Winters had written a book of short stories, that were just wildly creative and unique and different. And that was one of the first books I ever read by anybody creative. In any way, shape, or form. I think it was in high school, maybe beginning of high school. I don't remember the year but maybe even sooner than that. But it Yeah, blown away by Jonathan Winters.

That's incredible. And I forgot that he was Robbins Robbins mentor.

One of I don't know, I don't want to say D. But I know that he had a big influence on him.

Huge influence for sure. Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. So Mike, we're growing up in in Wisconsin slash Illinois. We are. We know that we want to be on Broadway. And that that's what we're pointing the ship at. That doesn't pan out or maybe it did pan out. And I don't know about that part of your history that didn't pan out. So

here's what happened. It was it was rocking. So I go to Chicago. I go to Loyola University of Chicago and I go into beautiful campus. I love it there. I will right on the water. That's the campus we were on. And I love it there. I love the people. I love the professors. And right away, I'm getting cast, and like, all right, and I was really excited because I was way behind the other kids. So the other students in the theater program had theater programs. And our high school had theater productions that were very successful, but no theater classes. Right? Yeah. So Chris, oh, they were way ahead of me on Shakespeare on everything. So the fact that I was scrappy enough to get these parts and do things I was feeling really good. And then my sophomore year, I became a stage manager of the first opening show as a sophomore, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is this is really racking right? This is going incredible. And then I received a note on my door when I came back to my dorm room. This is really just starting the semester, but we had to be there two weeks early because of the show. call home immediately. That was the note on my door. I'm like what the heck so I go into the dorm use dorm rooms we call them dorms. Now now it's back to dorms remember when you weren't allowed to say that on a campus you had to say residents the downward Yes. And now it's now it's they're saying it regularly but for you know about 10 years ago you're like if you said that you get in trouble. But by the way, when I'm in my dorm I pick up the phone because you actually had to pick up a you know, a phone that you touched and dialed and called home to find out the I have three older sisters the youngest of those three older sisters had been raped, and everything would change overnight. I would strike me, to my core, I was lost, I was confused, I was filled with rage and anger. And over the next few months, one of the things that would really bother me is, how can I be in this career be a family person. Because my family had been rocked. And I remember we had gone to my grandmother would pass away a few months later, several months later. And I remember coming home from that, thinking, this isn't the right field for family. And I started questioning that that's when I started questioning, but I was still rocking. That was my freshman year, I started to take that back. Yeah, that was my freshman year that that happened. I get the call after that. So first, I'm thinking that and then that call rocks me into thinking. One just lost confusion. But over the months, this, I can't be the person I've been to want to be as a human being for that actor. If I stay this route, that's what I sold in my mind. That doesn't mean that's true at all. But that's what I sold in my mind. And so I transferred home to university, Wisconsin whitewater, and everybody who knew me thought something else was going on. Not just my sister salt, which is plumbing, obviously, tragedy wise, but they thought you're living your dreams. What is your gambling going on? Is your addiction issues going on? Right, something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, No, no, no, no, I, this, I need to make a change. And so I transferred back home. And I, my mom was the college coach of the team. They're the swim team. And I was a swimmer. And I joined the team. And we were mandated to go see a speaker. And that speaker was on sexual assault. This is in 1990, which was very unheard of at the time. Very, yeah, very unheard of. And I heard him speak. And I thought, Oh, my gosh, I can do something about this with my voice. And I went up to him and I said, Hey, I want to speak and you know, as a speaker, how many times we hear that? And he said, Well, you show up at my place. I'll give you what I got. I got lucky as a national speaker that was in Madison in less than an hour. I showed up. And he said, no one shows up. No, no, that's true. No one you know this to be true. That's correct. He said, You showed up. And he gave me everything they had. I went out, wrote my own program, went to my local high school teachers I knew I said, Can I give this in your classroom? I did. They said, This is what you should be doing. This is what we need in the world. And that's where it all began.

Brother, what, what a, what a series of events that eventually led to something really powerful and beautiful. But Damn, what a journey to get there. There's a number of things that struck me First off, I want to thank you for your candidness and sharing something so vulnerable, you know, with me, now with us and and I really appreciate that. And I know even though Yes, you tell that story on stage, then you talk more about it and whatnot, that doesn't necessarily mean that it just rolls off the tongue Easy peasy. Now I'm in so I just I just want to acknowledge and thank you for that. I also and I will also come back to some more a little bit more of that as well. And talking about sexual assault, I think specifically we as men, now I'm going to have some really powerful conversations that we need to be having and are not necessarily doing it right now. So we will certainly come back to that. The one of the things that struck me as as I was listening is that you immediately knew in that moment how important family was to you. And not just current family but future family. Right? Like your brain immediately jumped into this and I'm trying to think about I don't I don't know when I knew that family was like super critical to me. I always say I mean unfortunately I didn't have a crucible moment like that. That would that would snap me into it. Now I'm but just that idea that you knew at that moment that my future family, my current family, I need to be in the mix and I don't want a career that is potentially going to take me out of it. What was it that I mean? Was your family unit super strong? growing up? Is that something you kind of always had where you're just like family's everything was done that was instilled in you. Now I'm from a very young age, it's a cultural thing. Or was it something where all of a sudden you made the choice really like families everything I'm doing this

I think a lot of the first and a little the second so I grew up in a family where we were very close with my mom's side, just location geographically, everything and the culture of their family unit. So my mom was the oldest of four girls for women. And they were as tight as tight could ever be throughout life. Two of them still here with us thankfully to have passed unfortunately, their kids are cousins and us we're always like this, we were close. Now we didn't have the ability to be next to each other, like mobility has now our current our kids generation has we didn't have that. But we were close. And so there was only one other guy, somebody identified as a male in that mix and was very women dominant family. And, and he so for me, I felt like there's almost like a brother, you know, because he was six years younger, but it was like having, you know, sort of like younger brother. And it was it wasn't that my parents preached family it was just the way it was lived. So I remember going to my sister's cross country meets there were my sisters were incredibly successful athletes. Incredibly, I mean, the Sherry the speed they I think that the the sister that I spoke up the survivor was a division one big 10 athlete, you know, so they were incredibly successful athletes. And I would be screaming my lungs out at them as they ran by cheering them to the point, they got annoyed. Like, Hey, little brother, cut that out. So I'm saturating unfortunately,

you ruined you are ruining my stride.

Exactly. So I just think annoying more than anything, but. And that's just the way you know, we grew up. So that was a big piece of it. I grew up with a mom and her sisters that were super tight, that created the cousins to be tight. That I looked up to my sisters. That was huge. I did, I looked up to my sisters. And, and my grandma was very somebody that I really loved and adored. She loved to dance, I love to dance. So keep in mind, Remember when I said the story a little backwards are there because she passed away? Before I get that phone call, that's what I tried to reverse the order. And that was one of the one of the first moments it was driving home from them when I thought Can I family? And then this rocked my family. Yes. Right. And so that would change that now I'm going to jump ahead 30 years, because I don't want to forget this part. Keep it this is maybe what I love most, the pandemic hits. My mom and dad have 16 grandchildren. So my four young men, sons, they have 12 cousins, the pandemic hits, they immediately start doing Hangouts on zoom as cousins, since nobody can go out and party, right, everybody's in their 20s or 18 to 24 inch, that group, about 10 of them to this day, are still getting together every month still doing things with each other. One of my sons lives in a home that they bought with his cousin. So this gives you an idea of how close they are when they turn 21. That group is all celebrating together, that person's they're going out partying with their cousins. So it's really cool to have watched what my mom's generation built, be now passed down that many generations further. So yes, there's there's a cultural element without a doubt.

Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, that's awesome. And then every family is different. Everybody does what they need to do for them. It's right. It's cool to hear. It's cool to hear about yours. So when we think about the role that, you know, like the mom played with the matriarch and and that, you know, I don't know what the role that your father played in this as well. But in you, you establish something called the Center for respect. And we'll talk a little bit about what what you all do. But I want to focus on this word respect first. Now, that's a big one. And I'm wondering, with respect to something that was taught to you something that was expected of you something that, you know, was was given to you, was it something that you had to earn your like, what, like, how did respect happen? or How was it talked about and taught in your household growing up?

I don't remember conversations around the word respect. Okay. I know. I do remember role modeling it. So and what was expected of us, I remember just the understanding of that. So you brought up the mother father relationship. I grew up in a unique home for its time, I think now would be a not as maybe unique, but I had two parents who are highly successful in their careers. Okay, which is, you know, in the 70s and 80s. That was a tough road. For a lot of women to have success in their careers. It doesn't mean there weren't a lot of women having sex. It was just a tough road and can still be a tough road for many people today. So I grew up with two very strong personalities who had achieved at a very high level, very different paths. So my dad was the Dean of a business school and In fact, at the time, he when he retired, he's one of the longest standing Dean's United States. Wow. Yes. And at one time, one of the 10 largest undergrad business schools in the country. So I had watched him go from a family of nobody going to college till he did. And accomplishing all he did. My mom from a family where nobody were college was not an option, going to becoming a college head coach, without a college education, which is, again, almost unheard of. Yes. And so I saw these people and the way they operated and the expectation of how things work, when my mom set a rule, it was the rule. So let me give you an example by that you show up late to practice. That's 100 pushups. You show up late two days in a row, that's 200 push ups. And you know what, you knew you were going to do them. And her philosophy was, if you're not going to be in the water, I'm at least getting stronger. Yeah, so and everybody knew that she would hold you to it. And the weird part was, and the sad part was, if that's a male coach, they're like, Oh, he's tough. He's this right. But if that's a woman coach, there's other words that aren't as, as celebrated. And what's interesting is, I nominate because those are my teammates over the years. And so I know them now in the 30s, and 40s. And how many still speak to the discipline she taught them in their lives, and how much she impacted their lives. She is still coaching today. That's crazy. So she is, yeah, she's 79. And she is still coaching today. And that's kind of impact she has on lives. So both my parents had a great impact. I was a swimmer. So my mom was my coach. My mom was my coach growing up, my mom was my little time I swam in college. It wasn't much. My mom was my coach, I wouldn't go on to coach. So I mean, at the high school level, and that was a built off what I learned from my mom. So there's a there's absolutely a very strong influence from both sides. And it was about the way they handled situations. I think that role modeling. Respect was built in there, even though we didn't talk about the word.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. That true true leadership, by example. Yes. No, that's awesome. Respect, was something is something that was talked about in my household. My dad was very big on respect. And I said still is, you know, to the point where, you know, I am I'm 39 now, and if I get introduced to one of his friends that I haven't met, that's, this is Mr. Anselmo. Right. Right. If Mr. And Somoza, you can call me Rick, my dad's like, No, we can't. At the age of 39

I'd love to dive into James on that. I find it I always find these interesting. What did you how did your dad define respect?

So I mean, respect. He's very big, very big on generational respect, right? Like you respect your elders, you respect individuals who have come before you so very big on that and so it's everything was Mr. Mrs. Miss, like that kind of stuff. And also the way that you talk to other individuals, like you carry yourself at a place that is that is respectful, right? So like, the tomfoolery in the joking around like that has to be earned. And but you don't you don't just start with that you start with very respectful conversations. Yes, sir. No, ma'am. Kind of kind of situations. And that's, that was really big of how he defined it. I think also, the way that he like there were there were moments where he would literally Tell me, you will respect me. I don't know if you can tell but I'm dashingly witty, and sometimes, sometimes my voice can get me a little bit of trouble. And by sometimes, I mean all the time but still, so sometimes that wit comes back to bite me because it's at the wrong time or place I'm in there are a number of times where my dad he would like kind of like pop me in the sternum just a little bit right and I'm not like creating take my breath away or like that but at the start you have popped in the sternum you feel it. You just kind of like with his fingertips as prime minister and a couple of times you'll you will respect me. And so whether that was because I was making jokes or being fresh or whatever. Um, so respect was definitely something that I was told to do not necessarily something that was earned right as expected. And that's kind of how that's kind of how he led and I

would love to dive in on that if we could I just do it so good. Because so much of how we have these conversations is around etiquette. Right? Listen to how dad taught it right. It was etiquette focused. Yeah, you will say mister you will say I was raised in the same you said Mr. And you said yes. You always said please and thank you. We I remember cousins from an on the outside the country we're hanging out with on Sundays. How do you guys get in trouble? If you don't say yes, please, because this is crazy everything going down at the dinner tables. May I please Thank you. And you didn't you didn't get up from the dinner table? This is I mean, my sister's why we're watching this, they'd be agreeing. And my mom that'd be laughing about this. They know it's true. Thank you very much for dinner. May I please be excused? Thank you. Yeah, that was that kind of a. That's how you left the dinner. That's how you got an opportunity to meet the dinner table. Yeah. You know, something along those lines. It was etiquette based. And it was honor based, which is different than how do you see me? Yeah. Which is a very different discussion of respect, right? How do we see ourselves? How do we see the person talking in front of us? Mm hmm. You know, our dad's generation time does, you'll respect those was something they were taught. Right, that that was a message you will respect me, versus what's it gonna take for you to respect me? And then imagine a dad looking their kid in the eye and going, what's it gonna take for you to respect me? Yeah. Which is a very different conversation than you will, because the will is actually an honor, you will honor me is really what that means.

Yeah, yeah. That's a powerful switching words.

Yeah, because that's what they want. They want you to honor their role, right? So so it goes back to the discussion of, and we all do this. So it's not about our dads, right, we all can do this different times. Even if we don't say it out loud to someone, you will respect me, almost all of our subconscious at some point in a month says they will respect me like somebody saying something and in being dismissive. And our subconscious might not say it out loud, might not even say it in those words, but it's acting with an attitude of you better respect me right now. Right? Even if we don't say it out loud, and in, but what we tend to be talking about is honoring, you better be honoring me. When I ask people what respect means to them, corporate offices, students, the same two words show up everywhere to be seen and valued.

Hmm.

Yep. Which is very different than to follow the protocol of hierarchy.

Right? Yeah. To be put on a pedestal or whatever. Right.

Right. So Doc, I love where this conversation can go. Because I and I realized that level of respect later in life, I wish I understood that better when I when my kids were younger, because I think would have changed. Now I also use the word. Yeah, early on, and in its own use parenting, because I think that changes everything. I don't I hate the statement. You will you have to earn my respect. Yes, it is. It is one of the few times I would ever use the word hate, but I despise it. And because it's all hierarchy based, right? So that's about power that has nothing to do with respect. Because the moment you say, Hey, Mike, you, you have to earn my respect. Oh, so you get to choose whether I'm a value or not. Yeah, that's how this works. Oh, so then when I get to your position, somebody above me will also get to choose again. So this is all who's above who to choose whether you're worthy.

Versus I'm going to always give you respect. Now whether you treat me with a back, that's your call, but I'm always gonna give you respect. That doesn't mean I have to trust you. That doesn't mean I have to like you. That doesn't mean I have to believe a word you say. But I'm going to see and value you as a human being. Every time you're in front of me.

Yeah. Yeah, that's like the I mean, I'm sure you've heard the stories of the people that will sit down at a restaurant and their server will come over and they'll put like, $100 bill on the table right away, and they said, that's your tip, every single time you do something wrong, or that I don't like I'm gonna take some money away. Right? Like, it's that that again, that that that that thirst for power, power is such a fascinating entity that, that we all that we all deal with and are impacted by both our own internal struggles with it and externally, right. I mean, we look at we we look at any politics, it's about power. We look at, you know, all of the isms, racism, sexism, ableism, age, like all the isms, right? That's about power. Now, what about people being afraid of losing power, right? The US Census just came out and the country is now 10%, more diverse than it was in 2010. It was like 36%. And now it's like 46 or 44, or something like that. There are a lot of people that are going to read those numbers and think, dammit, we got to figure something out right now because of insecurity around losing power, but really the perception of power. And so this idea of power and Respect there, I love. I love I love the way you spoke about this idea of like, you will honor me. And this question that you asked, I want to come back to of what do I have to do to earn your respect that I'm trying to think I'm a new parent, as you know, and you're very new parents? almost eight. And I'm like what I ever. This is a conversation that will remember for a long time, I can already tell, but it's like what I ever sit my son down at whatever age that that was a question that could actually have a conversation around it, and say, What do I have to do to earn your respect? Right now? I think my answer is no, but I'm willing to have my mind changed.

Why don't I'm not saying that's a question you should ever ask. I'm saying that that's a more real question, then you will respect me, I don't think either should be in play. I think I think the ideal conversation is, no matter how mad you get at me, no matter how frustrated you get with me, I am going to treat you with respect. And all I'm going to ask is that I'm going to ask you because I believe every human being deserves that, that you do the same for me for your mother for whoever the partnership situation is that you do that for your siblings that in with everything goes wrong, that respect is still the foundation. That's what I'm gonna ask of you. And and that will be a standard of expectation in this house. And so when respect is people do not treat each other respect. There's consequences. And here they are. There's nothing wrong with setting a cultural expectation.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Another family values. Yeah. You got it. Yeah, setting them is really important. Tina, and I talked about that. moisten you matter? Yes. You know, she rocks. And she rocks. We've talked about like, Hey, you know, where in our house? Are we gonna write some of our values? Some of our, you know, we have rules is too strong of a word, but you don't I mean, like that kind of thing. And so what what's gonna go on that list? That is memorable, because it's got to be short and tight. A strong mission statement. So yeah. That is that, that's it's just interesting to think about, and I love the I love being by everybody on this earth deserves to feel seen, heard and respected, and, and valued. And I think we can also agree that in our country, right now, there's a lot of individuals that are more interested in being right than what is right now. Right. And that, and that's hurting us, it kind of also comes back to, to power, it also comes back to it's easier to assert, assume than it is to learn, right, those kinds of things. And so you built this, this center for respect, to teach this gigantic concept, which is simple in theory of I want to be seen, I want to be valued, but is so much deeper, and how we actually arrive at making someone feel seen, heard, respected, valued. And so I'm wondering, you know, what, like, how I've tried to think about how to phrase this, I'm wondering, it's like, how does how does one teach that? Like, how, how are you all trying to teach that right now with the the opportunities that you have with the audience you interact with?

Well, I had to go backwards, because being totally transparent, I was didn't start as the Center for respect. I started as the date safe project, okay, so that when I first started creating my own organization, where we realized, hey, this, we're going to full time, I just don't want to be booked my damage, I want to create something that creates curriculum and other things. And more than we were the data side project, because we were working in schools and universities, by far the most. And then we started working with the military. And then in the last few years, some business level were like, Hey, can you help us transform our culture, what you do with the military, if you can do it there, you can do it for us. And we realized the date safe project, the name alone is going to make people think who would bring that to a company who would bring that to? So in 2019, we became the center furthers Okay, yes. And what was interesting about it, James was that as I was sitting there going, it was an I was at this big event with all these business influencers, nobody in my field, a high level internet marketers, business influencers, and somebody on stage made a comment that made me think we're, we're not we're so much more than what we've been saying we are. And right there, the moment happened if center for respect. And I actually thought, Oh my gosh, I'll never be able to call myself that. Clearly. There's probably 100 Center for respects. This isn't just 19 right? There's got to be a million of them.

Not one in the world. Got the.com and everything.

Now one in the world of all the center fours, yes, there was no center for respecting the entire world, the only close thing to it was a place that was center of center for respect and, and, and, and like it was all these things. And it's through a university. And we're like, oh my gosh, this told me even more this is needed if there isn't even somebody addressing it this directly. And I always knew that respect was the core of everything I did. We just didn't lead with it. But it was the core foundation of everything I did. So that moment would change my perspective on how much we can be positively impacting the world, just directly, let's talk about what we're talking about. And that is respect. So how we do that, for me is through speaking, keynote training, the two most common ways we make the impact, that could be anything from an association bring me and talk to companies, to corporate leadership, bringing me into their CEOs and their leadership team. And putting me we're in there for three hours, all 1012 of us diving deep into the things they're already doing, they're not aware of, and that doesn't make them monsters. So one of the biggest problems in this line of work, and you're probably aware of this, James is that if we have this conversation, then I'm admitting I've done something wrong. And that makes me on the same plateau as the predator out there. And therefore, I don't want to have these conversations, because I'm not the predator out there. So they run from the conversation. So if I say, hey, you're acting with some disrespect? or What are you saying? I'm the next Cosby. Are you saying the next this? That's sort of the self defense mechanism, the world right now 100%. And what we realize is, I was able to come up with a formula before the even the name change, I created this in about 1718. called the nine daily displays of disrespect that almost all of us engage in at least one of if not four of them. Every week, if not every day. Yeah. And I would say these people like oh, I do four or five and six. I do 137. And they're and what was beautiful about it is nobody was shying away from it. They were saying I do these things. I'm seeing myself as you talk. Yeah, I don't want to be that person anymore. So then we give them the nine daily choices for respect. Hmm, so this is very subtle. This is not the what people expect when they hire see the name or what I do. Oh, you do sexual harassment training? No, because we're already too late to the discussion.

Right? Yeah. That's true.

Right? So the analogy I give people all the time, when they look at it, they'll go, let's say there's an organization, whether it's an educational institution, or it's a business, they have this, let's say they're building as a skyscraper that represents them. Okay. And on the 17th, floor is diversity. And on the 18th floor is harassment and sexual violence. And they're saying, well, we got problems on the 17th floor, we got problems on the 18th floor. No, you were cracked at the Foundation, it starts to show on the 17th and 18th floor. That's where it starts to show. The foundation it was is what needs to be in reinforced. And that's what we do we help them reinforce the foundation, and so that you don't have the cracks in the 1718. And when they even start to show everybody goes there's a crack and it's not okay. Yeah. So that we can do something about that. So to give you just a quick example, because people go What, what can these nine things be that don't insult people? interrupting? I do it, something I do. It's one of the nine. It's absolutely a sign of disrespect. I don't mean to disrespect. I'm in my own head getting excited. And I want to jump in. But I am disrespecting the other person's voice their opinions. Everything with that. That's one of the nine. Yeah, flipside of that silence. Somebody comes in the room is your partner, whoever is super excited to share with you. And you're like, Did I just talk for like, 30 seconds with all my passion in the world? And, and instead of telling you now they're an analytical thinker, right? So they're what they're thinking is I need to think this over, but they sit there in silence. So you're under the impression you're being ignored. Yeah. versus if they had somebody just taught them to say, I really want to give this some thought there's some real a lot there. Would you mind if I get back to you in an hour or tomorrow? Because I really want to think this out of everything you're sharing with me? That's a game changer versus silence. So those are two quick examples that are very opposite.

Yes. But both Yeah, both. I totally see how they are seen as disrespectful. Right? It's, I mean, a lot of time it's in 10 versus impact. So many things come back to that. Yes, they do. And so yeah, that is That's powerful. And you don't go back to your the building analogies. Great. You know, I've I do a lot of work in the university space as well and talk to a lot of fraternity men and out when we talk about just you know what's going on in the organization and accountability and stuff like that, you know, they're always like, Hey, we got a few bad apples. You know, we got steel, we got a couple of guys Ovie, you know, you know, they're not really doing the right thing they're making the rest of us look bad. And I was like, No, you're you're all making yourself look bad. You don't have a bad apple problem. You have a tradition problem. You have a power problem. You have an accountability problem. Right. And yeah, they don't want to hear all that. Because it's a way easier to blame Rick, than it is to blame us. And yeah, they won't kick Rick out. Absolutely not. No, no, it's the boy is one of the boys. No, okay. Right. Right. Would Rick go? Yeah. Yes.

And James, what I love about that you and I teach the same way this because same with the military or universities, you know, this time of the year, I'm You and I are on stages every day at a campus. And that that same mentality? Well, that's one out of 10 that are the trouble? No, it's the nine of you watching. It's the nine of you watching maybe even encouraging some of it, maybe even degrading the victim while it's happening. It's the nine if it was truly only the one everybody would be appalled and stop the one. But nobody's stopping the one which means it's the 10 because no one's stopping the one. And I love what you said about intent, because it's a major issue right now. Impact versus intent people come? Well, I can't control how other people hear my words. Well, why do you say it then? What in the world is the purpose of your words, if not to have impact? Yep. Yeah, well, I

mean, I do mean, and so it matters, what they what you're how you're impacting. And if you're hurting others, then you need to own it. I absolutely done it myself. And if anybody tries to go, oh, I've never done that's, there's no way you're a human being. So you'll love this one. Because it's a mutual friend. I met an event. And a fellow speaker says I believe the way to wealth and speaking is through writing. He's struggling at the time. And he says that he's very open about that. And I said, Are you sure about that? He said, What do you mean by that? I say, well, how's that working for you? And he's like, Yeah, well, this is what he said, I normally start on stage. But are you just trying to be an ass? Or do you have a point? It's what he said to me. Yeah, yes. Pipes up and goes Jess as mutual friend of Jameson, and says, Mike, if we didn't all know how much you how giving you are where your heart is. We might think you're an ass. But we know that you do all this to help us and out of love. And I have that bone in my life. This was a long time ago. This is like 10 years ago. I was like, Yeah, yeah, I'm loving. I'm giving. I didn't hear the last part. Like I just went right past it. Yes, I heard the words I wanted to hear. Right. And then I would go through this self development program a couple years later, where I would learn how self righteous that can come off. And that people saw me that way. And it destroyed me, destroyed me. And I would remember that day, that moment, where just said that, as where I should have seen the impact. But I was so blind to my intent, that I forgot about the impact. And that's when everything would shift for me and how I would language when I talk to people, instead of saying you're sure about that. Now it was what about this possibility? Right, which is just the same information in a much more loving manner of empathy versus telling you what to do.

It's leaning a little towards optimism as well. Yeah, yes, it's Yeah. What about this? opportunity? possibility? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I love that. And yeah, it's it's so funny the way I mean, again, I mean, I do this all the time, I put my foot in my mouth in my in my marriage and, and in regular conversations where I think I'm asking what is a helpful question, but I have asked the question in the wrong tone, or use, or our just added like that one extra word that didn't need to be I think if you just took out that one word, it would have sounded great. But like that one word, just like took it to snarky or ticket to whatever sarcasm Patel Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah, yeah, that's, that's some real stuff.

And what's real about it, it was that's not 90 activity. That's our subconscious showing it's real feelings in a way to hurt because we feel hurt, right? When we're using when we're adding those words. It's for a reason. And it's usually because we're hurt so we throw back right that that's what people do as human beings. And these are the conversations people aren't having. That's why I love you're doing this James because everybody tries to act like only those people do that this is human existence. Right. So how can we be more intentional about it moving forward?

Yeah, it's almost like hurt people hurt people. Right? that famous phrase. Yeah. And we all are hurt sometimes. Whatever. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Welcome to the human being club, right. Yeah, now acknowledge it and do something about it. That's so yeah. So let's, let's go back to this. A couple of things that you man, I want to I want to I want to tie some stuff together, you told us the you told us the very short version, and this is totally acceptable of what happened with your sister when you were in college. And, and now we're talking about, about the idea of the well, that's, that's not my problem, right? Like, it's, you know, like litter on the ground. I that's, um, I didn't leave it there, right. That's not my dish in the sink. That's not my whatever, right? Like that kind of thing. That's not I'm not the one that that that I don't go around raping people. I'm not a problem. I don't harass individuals, right? Like this. They're all they all sound the same. And so we know that when it comes to sexual assault, sexual violence, I forget, if it's, you know, eight out of 10, nine out of 10, you probably know the numbers, it typically is somewhat as a male to a female as far as doing that. But men are not immune to being assaulted themselves. But either way, I'd love to talk to you a little bit about men, and some of the work that we can do some of those bad apples scenarios, or are those moments where, you know, how can we get individuals who are not directly doing something wrong, they didn't do the thing that was illegal, they didn't hurt the individual. They didn't cause trauma, they didn't, whatever, whatever it was. But yet, they could have had influence in that moment. Before the moment, they it because of the patterns because of traditions because of silence. Because of not my problem. nothing ever happened. Meanwhile, if any of those accountability moments happened earlier, maybe there's one moment, you know, that this woman could have been spared a lifetime of trauma. And so I'm wondering how do you get individuals who are? Don't ever think that they're the problem to recognize that, okay, sure. You're not technically part of the problem. But by not doing anything, you are kind of the problem. But more importantly, we don't have to worry about whether you're a problem or not, let's do what we just did with what we're talking about, put a little optimism on it and be like, but you can be part of the solution. And the solution is not just Well, don't you yourself, don't do these bad things. The solution is so much bigger than that. How do we get individuals to get out of their own heads, and get out of their own defensiveness and realize like, I can be a part of change that is bigger than me, it's not just me picking up my litter, right? It's not just me not assaulting somebody,

we have to be willing to address what's going on in their heads and the barriers, they the idea they want to be part of the solution is nice, it carries no weight. If a barrier says there's too much risk in being part of the solution, there, the risk will weigh over the solution promise any day of the week. So what the problem is, is most people out there aren't talking about that risk. They're painting the fairytale example of if you do everything right, everything will work out great. So be the hero. This is actually a phrase that I rant against. I think people in the basement invention world should stop calling people heroes are courageous, because that allows the audience to think I'm not courageous. I'm not a hero, therefore I don't need to intervene. That's not who I am. And people go, but I'm empowering them to be courageous and a hero. You're not with them at 11 o'clock at night or one in the morning when this is happening. Right. So if they made you have to be a hero, you've you've raised the stakes of what it's going to take for them to do anything. So what I do is the opposite. I say just as a human being.

It's a bunch of pieces of garbage, you know?

And here's the exact question asked from from the stage because my programs, I think you're aware, I'm not a lecturer, I am a conversationalist with an audience. And that could be 505,000 or 50. But I sit in the audience and I asked him to verbally respond. You're in a situation where somebody is vulnerable and dangerous to being harmed, and you have the opportunity to make a positive impact. Is it your responsibility? To do something as a fellow human being Yes or no? James? What do you think 90% of auditors yelled at that?

Yes,

Yes, that's correct. So what I just did was help them overcome their barrier. Because before that, they're saying none of my business but wait, let me be very clear. You're a human being. It's weird when you say human being people forget to be human. To be humane. So by bringing that forward, I'd love to be courageous. I just have to be human. Right? Humans care. And they go no p human beings don't care. That's not true. You'd be a sociopath if you didn't have empathy. That's a fact. So when we tell audiences that if you're going to I don't care about other people, I'm sorry, you do. And that's why you're telling us You don't care. Because somebody who doesn't care doesn't tell me they don't care. Right? Yeah. I don't care what you're saying, well, you're certainly fired up for not caring. Okay, so. So clearly you care. So what we have to do is help people understand that empathy is natural. It's built into our elements so that we do this for each other to survive as a species. So then you get people to say, yes, that is my business right now. Who are you choosing to be in that moment? And you just sit and be quiet? Who are you choosing? Yeah. And then they have to think about it. Who am I going to be in that moment? What's your fears that you're gonna embarrass yourself versus somebody being raped? Yeah, you fears they're gonna hit you, if they're going to hit you for checking in, what are they going to do to that person? So we have to have these real conversations and call it out. Yeah. So that they can see Yeah, I don't want to be I don't want to be that version of me. I choose to be the person who at least does something. Yeah. Because that's who I am. Versus it's because that's what Mike told me from stage. Right? Who are you at your core?

That's beautiful brother. It's beautiful. And it's I mean, yes, it's hitting me. It's hitting me right where it's supposed to hit me right now. It's it. It's a conversation that I often I talked to, I talked to men about mental health a lot. And and one of the ways that I put it is are you choosing cool? are you choosing great, right, and that person that's out here? That's like, wow, I don't I don't care. I don't have feelings about other people. I don't care. Right. It's like, Alright, you're choosing cool right now. Right? You're not choosing great. And, and saying that, it's not your problem. It's somebody else's, or you know, you've done all you can, that's cool. That's not great. And, and I love that, yeah, I love the way that you have just articulated things that can happen to actually get individuals to own it, that they can play a really powerful role. Right, that just not doing something is not enough, right? No, that's right. Yes.

Yeah. Well, and what I love about what you're doing, James is your naming and labeling, which is so important, right? By saying cooler, great. I have a choice. So everything, every ounce of my court, and what I teach is about choice. The moment somebody loses choice, they're going to feel they've lost being seen and valued. Right. So you're giving them a choice, which am I choosing? cooler? Great, right? Right, by naming and labeling. That's just awesome and powerful. How you do that?

Yeah. That's also why you wrote your book. Can I kiss you? Right? Yeah, that choice, right around consent. And, yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's also why you sell underwear on your website, Mike and or nuff.

said you want some action? Yeah, I think

let's go there. I love this conversation. So I created those A long time ago. So I started with T shirts that say Can I kiss you? And the front with the lips? And then on the back? It says do you ask take a moment to care? Then we created a shirt that says once a matching and people wear the front of the shirt, the back says take the time to ask respect yourself, your partner the answer? That's the back so really powerful educational shirts? Yes. And then I think somebody was joking. Like Imagine if he had boxers like that. And we so I immediately created them. And then we thought well wait, boxers aren't all inclusive. So then we had hot shorts, booty shorts, people call them all different words people want to call Huggies. You'd be amazed how audiences want to when of all ages. The boxers in the highcharts Now when I say all ages, those are not given out in high schools and middle schools. I don't want somebody watching this going. He's never coming to our high school. Those. Those are never ever ever near eyes or t shirts, their t shirts or khakis, your T shirt only Actually, yes, I'm now at universities, US military. I've got 50 year old people going I want bad shirts. I want that. I feel like we just had a school. I can't make this up yesterday, James who I've been at this school for, I don't know 15 straight years, they to say Will you please throw in more hot shirts or students just every year talk about them when you're gone. So what's great about the hot shorts and the boxers is on the front right where a pocket would normally be on a short it Don't say want some action, but on the back, right across the whole back rear end in huge letters, it says ask first. Hmm, and then right below that it says respect the answer. Now, why is this funny? Because think of the double entendre occurring if you're looking at someone's rear end, and it says ask first. And this is only you're only wearing it if you're choosing to wear it for a partner. So this is all consensual, and they get to have a ton of fun with it. So yeah, that that's why we do it. We want them thinking this is fun. Consent is fun. Respect is fun, because it is when it's lived properly.

Yeah. This is why I think myself and your fellow speaker friends always like to say, oh my Mike Domitrz puts the ass and ask for. So here's, here's the last concept that I want to that I want to end on, is that respect is something that can be learned at any age, right? I mean, our you know, we watch it. My parents just met their first ever transgendered person in real life, right. And we had a really cool, powerful conversation, because they were out here visiting us in St. Paul. And, and our friend came over, and and they had never met someone who was they them pronouns before. And it was really awesome, right? They just hung out, had a cool conversation. And then afterwards, my dad, and I play golf, the next day, we had like, a 45 minute drive to a course. And I was like, so Dad, how was that? Right? Like, how was that experience? And so like, you know, respect, you can learn it at any age. And, and so. And it is also something that is frequently taught to us when we are young, right? That's when that's when it's stablished. Like you said, that's when we start pouring the concrete in the foundation. And so, respect falls back to in my eyes, it's one of those it's one of the big components under the word character. And, and I noticed that we don't, we don't necessarily teach character a lot anymore. Now. And when you think about it, like is someone who I am, I'm someone who has a non church going individual or synagogue, or mosque, I don't, I don't, I don't go to church or anything like that. And so outside of religious institutions, and some of those kind of places, I don't know, where character and respect are being taught, besides obvious like, like we talked about as, as growing up leading, you know, leading by example, for sure. But there's power in the conversation, there's power in the critical thinking, there's power in, you know, what would you do? How would you handle a tie kind of kind of moments? And so, you know, I'm wondering for you, putting your parent and now grandparent hat on, I would just tell, I still can't believe. But, you know, in putting in putting those hats on, how do you how would you recommend that parents teach things like character like respect? Like, how do we how do we start those conversations in the home?

Well, I want to honor the conversation, because I love where it's heading. So how do you define it? What's your definition? When you ask me how I would teach character? What is character?

I think character is? That's a great question probably should have that one loaded.

character. character is someone who to use an improv term, somebody who plays to the top of their intelligence. Right, someone who that doesn't mean the full, the full, holistic intelligence, the full holistic, and, yeah, because I think a lot of times when we see people choosing to be cool, they're not playing to the top of their intelligence. Right, right. It's like,

Or I'm playing to my IQ intelligence and looking down on you.

Right, sure. 100% Yes. So yeah, but I think it is it is playing, playing with the top of your intelligence it is it's teaching respect, it's teaching humanity. You know, where do we fit into the world? And, and having great character is someone who carries themselves in a way where they, where they care, right, they care about their fellow humans. They care about what they care about. And, and they they life is done a little bit more intentionally. I think when you are living with character, respect, plays a huge role in it in the way that we talk and listen to each other. And so yeah, that's that's my loosely defined spur of the moment answer.

I love it. So for me, that means am I teaching my children, my get grandchildren? People I've asked to influence how to lead with love, and empathy for all human beings. And if I do that character always rise, but I have to lead with it, I have to choose it, I have to be intentional. And that's why I love that you brought up the word intentional. Am I operating from my soul? Or from my brain? Right? Those all operate? Or am I using both at the highest level? But am I leading with love and empathy right now, or with disgust or with the stain, or with proving, in our world of speaking, so many speakers are telling an audience instead of showing 100%? So how are you showing? What are what is being discussed on that stage and in your life? And that was a big wake up call for me. And when I realized what I'm doing a lot of telling, where's the showing? And so I think it's how are we showing not just others in our world how to live? How are we showing ourselves, our own character? Because if I'm proud of who I am, the choices I'm making each day, there's probably a good chance, and I'm leading with love and empathy and doing that, that I'm operating at a very high level, there's a good chance there's a better opportunity for that. Yeah, they won't. But now, where do we do that? We can only control the self. So that comes down to me as a human being. And how do I make that choice each day? How do I not just for my grandkids, but for any child? For any adult? For any person on the internet? There are people that trigger me by with the beliefs they sometimes Express. And Tim still lead with love for that person. That's a choice. Yes. And sometimes I fail, and hopefully more often I succeed.

Mike, this has been a Gosh, darn pleasure, brother. I love I love the way that you just put that. You know, a lot of a lot of what you said comes back to role modeling, which makes sense. It's the way you learned a lot of what you have learned as well. And and it does speak to leading by example, not to all the parents out there, myself included. It just feels like more pressure. And that's cool. That's fine. We'll handle it. It's like yeah, no be a better human. You want to raise better humans be a better human.

I want to use a more coarse phrase. Because a parent, alright, that we should be told more often as parents get over yourself. Yes, what that kid's going on? Yeah, get over yourself. And it's not that big of a deal. I needed to believe that more often as a parent than I did. I stressed way more than I should have. So when parents tell me, Hey, your kids are all teenage, what would you say? That it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. If you lead with love and empathy, it's going to be okay. And look, if your kids made choices that you don't agree with, you don't align with that, because they're a human being they're not a robot, you didn't do everything your parents wanted to do. So stop thinking it's about you. If they make choices that are harmful, even it isn't about you, it's about them. So you have to understand this isn't all about us. And that's why I went back to it comes about we only control the individual ourselves. So stop thinking we control all these other people. And we have to and all the drama around all of that and everything else that we all get sucked into. Wait a second. I don't have control over that. I can choose how I treat those individuals though. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. I want to add one other word that I think belongs in there of love empathy. That also continues to further heighten your point is curiosity. Yeah, love empathy and curiosity. So I right so

Blair Dudley. Yeah. Blair Dunkley is an expert that teaches these mind models and, and one of them is that the two basic human emotions that are key to human existence is curiosity to seek understanding. And that from infant, you do not grow without it, right? You try to walk because you're trying to get to the next place, that sense of understanding, you learn if you touch the, you know, your finger on the burner, it burns. So you have an understanding, I don't do that. But it took curiosity to get the understanding. Right. And and I teach this and I teach this Elvis concept, not his mind models at all, but he's brilliant, what he does, but I talked about this before, are you leading with curiosity? Or are you leading to prove, prove means I'm here to prove a point, curiosity means I want to understand where you're coming from, so that I have a better understanding of who you are, and how I can support you in this planet. And so I love that you brought up curiosity because it's all about it to seek understanding. Yeah.

Yes, brother. Yeah, curiosity is my my jam right now. A lot. Um, I think, yeah, I'm actually working on a brand new keynote around it, and stuff like that. Spoiler alert, but very cool. So it's, it's Stop top of mind for me. I'm trying to interject it in everything. So, Mike, it has been so awesome getting to hang out with you getting to know you better. Thank you again for being vulnerable. Listen a little bit more about your family and some of the trauma that's there and a lot of the love that is there. That's really it's really beautiful. And you're incredible at what you do. And thanks so much for hanging out with me in the diner here today, man.

Well, I love what you've created here, James. So thank you, I I look forward as having more weather, you know, on air off air, more conversations because I told you in Vegas and I'll say it again today. I just love your spirit your soul of both you and Tina. I think it's just a welcoming place to be.

Thank you, brother. I appreciate we were one state away so we really don't have too much of snow. Yeah, exactly. Five hours. That's all we are. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I love it. Mike tell people where they can where they can link up with you please.

Yeah, easiest way is just go to my website center for respect spell it all out just like it sounds center for respect calm or across social media at Mike respects. And the reason it's microspikes is because they nobody gonna spell my name, right. So it's at microspikes on Instagram on Twitter. I'm everywhere. I'm Facebook. You can find me in all those places. Awesome. Brother. Thank