Artwork for podcast Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals
Mastering Holiday Stress: 3 Strategies for Thriving in the Chaos
Episode 51 • 17th November 2023 • Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals • Stephen Box
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Are the upcoming holidays stressing you out? In this episode of Unshakable Habits, host Stephen Box shares three practical ways to not just survive but thrive during the holiday season.

Topics Include:

  • Causes of holiday stress
  • Signs and symptoms of stress
  • Stress prep vs active de-stressing
  • What does research say about "Wearing Stress as a Badge of Honor," and it's effect on us?

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Transcripts

Stephen Box:

The holidays are here and for a lot of our listeners that

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means stress and if you are one of the people that find yourself getting

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really stressed out during the holidays Today's episode is going to be for you.

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Intro/Outro: Are you ready to break free from your old habits and create a better

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life for yourself and those around you?

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If so, welcome to Unshakable Habits, the podcast dedicated to helping

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men be better husbands, fathers, and leaders by prioritizing their

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physical and mental well being.

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360 degree perspective.

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perspective with inspiring stories and practical strategies

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for building unshakable habits that'll transform your life.

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Join Stephen Box, a board certified health and wellness coach, and let's change

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the world together, one habit at a time.

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All right, guys, welcome to unshakable habits, the podcast dedicated

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to helping men reclaim their health.

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So that they can create a better life for themselves and those who depend on them.

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I am your host, Stephen Box, board certified health and wellness coach.

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And today guys, we are going to be talking about stress during

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the holidays, what causes it.

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I'm going to talk to you guys a little bit about what I see most

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people try to do to solve it and why it's not working for them.

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I'm going to give you some really practical suggestions on things that you

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can do that are going to help with that.

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also today we're going to...

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dive into a little bit of some scientific research.

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Don't worry, I'm going to keep it super basic, so if you're

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not a science nerd, you're not going to be overwhelmed by this.

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But I do want to start breaking into some of these different research studies

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and give you guys some information.

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And today it is going to be about What really happens to you when you

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wear stress as a badge of honor?

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And I'm going to tell you guys, you might be surprised by the findings.

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So we're going to talk about that as well today.

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But first of all, let's start with this conversation about stress.

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Maybe you're a guy who acknowledges, Yes, I get super

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stressed out during the holidays.

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And I just want to say it's totally normal because here's the reality.

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A lot of times the holidays means travel.

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It means getting a lot of work done before you leave.

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Possibly knowing that you're going to come back to a pile of work.

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Even if you are working late nights and everything else to

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get stuff done before you leave.

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Because you're taking an extended period of time off of work.

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It also means for some people maybe having to deal with family coming in.

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Accommodating extra people in their house.

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It means having things like office parties to go to.

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It also means getting out of your normal routine and having to adapt

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to what's going on around you.

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So with all that guys, it's understandable that stress is something that a lot of

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us are dealing with this time of year.

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And the good news is there's something we can do about it and that's what

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I'm going to be giving you today.

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first of all, how do you know if you're stressed?

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Because I think for a lot of guys, They know, but sometimes the signs of

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stress aren't always obvious to us, we might attribute it to other things

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outside of stress, and sometimes it can be attributed to other things, so we

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really want to look at combinations.

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So for example, In your body, you might notice a lot of extra fatigue.

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maybe like headaches, really tight muscles.

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especially I find for a lot of guys it's like the upper

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shoulders, upper back, neck area.

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But some people also get really tight legs.

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It when they start to get a lot of tension or people start noticing things like their

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hands get really tight or their feet.

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Because they're clenching their hands or feet as they get tension built up.

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So these are just some things to look for.

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Also, mentally, maybe you worry a lot more.

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maybe you become more indecisive.

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If you're normally a really decisive person, all of a sudden you're

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really struggling to make decisions.

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you start finding yourself using a lot of negative language.

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Things that are not positive.

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And especially if you're including words like, Always and never in your sense,

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as in like, I never catch a break or I always have bad things happen to me.

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These are signs of stress.

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You may also find that your thinking is a little bit foggy

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or you have impaired judgment.

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Emotionally, you may have a lack of confidence.

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You may lose some of your confidence.

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you may feel indifferent or maybe even depressed or irritable.

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you may also notice that you have some trouble sleeping, so

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there may be some mild insomnia.

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If that's not normal for you, then all of a sudden you're experiencing that.

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and then behavior wise, maybe you have a lost appetite, or maybe

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you're always hungry, right?

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you become more accident prone, or you're really restless, or you

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start feeling like you're lonely.

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or maybe you are abusing substance, and I want to be careful when I say

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abusing because I think some people, when they hear the word abusing

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substances, think, like, we'll just use alcohol as an example here, but they

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go, you know, I'm not an alcoholic.

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I don't drink that much.

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And the thing I would say is, where are you at compared to where you normally are?

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are you drinking more than normal?

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And that's not to necessarily say that you're drinking too much.

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It's just being noticed, or taking notice of the fact that you are

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drinking a little bit more than normal.

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If any of that is happening for you, then more than likely

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you are experiencing stress.

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Whether you think of it as stress or not, those are all warning signs that

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stress exists inside of your body.

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And I think a perfect picture of that, and it's very appropriate

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for the conversation today.

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One of my favorite holiday movies, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

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If you go back and really watch that movie, first of all, if you haven't

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seen it, you need to go watch it.

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Absolutely hilarious.

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Movie, one of my absolute favorite movies.

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I could probably honestly see here quote thing to you word for word

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because my wife and I watch it at least five, six times every holiday season.

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That aside, if you go back and just really watch the movie and just pay

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attention, you'll start to see, slowly through the movie, that Clark Griswold

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just becomes more and more stressed, and a lot of his stress stems from the fact

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that he wants to give his family away.

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This perfect holiday and I think for a lot of us guys, that's

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a very common thing, right?

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We want everything to be perfect because we've been taught and a lot of us have

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lived out this idea That we need to put ourselves last we need to put everybody

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else first And even if you don't explicitly think that, I think that's just

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something that we intuitively do, right?

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I mean, I know even myself, I have a lot of barriers, or

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boundaries, excuse me, in place.

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I have a lot of times where I communicate with my wife and I say,

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Hey, I need this time to be able to focus on doing this thing, and

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she's totally supportive of that.

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But if my wife needs something and I know that's going to make her happy,

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I mean, I'm still going to drop what I'm doing and, you know, make sure

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that she's taken care of, right?

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I think it's.

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You know, something that we just do as men, but we just have to make

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sure that we are leaving time for ourselves and we're taking care of

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ourselves as that is actually happening

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let's talk about what happens when we try to get rid of stress.

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Because what does everyone tell you to do if you're stressed out?

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They tell you to reduce your stress.

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And the thing is, there's actually two things that happen

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when dealing with stress.

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One is active de stressing.

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Now this is what most of us are already familiar with.

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So this is things like doing some meditations, or taking the time to,

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you know, do some breathing exercises, or doing some visualizations, or...

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Things like that, right?

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Like, just doing something, like going for a walk.

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Like, something that's actually going to actively de stress you.

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And de stressing has its place, okay?

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Don't get me wrong.

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But here's the analogy I like to use for de stressing.

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Actually, I'm going to give you two different analogies here.

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So the first one is, compare it to being thirsty.

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Now, you've probably heard people say, By the time you feel thirsty, you've

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already started to get dehydrated.

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And stress is a lot like that.

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By the time you start to notice the physical signs of stress, you've

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already gone into the red zone.

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And I'm not talking about football.

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So when you get into like this danger zone of stress, to the point where you're

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actually feeling it, and you do something to eliminate it a little bit, there

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is a temporary feeling better period.

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So it's very much like when you're thirsty, you drink a little bit of water.

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That thirst goes away, but you haven't actually rehydrated your body yet.

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You've just taken care of the thirst.

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You've given yourself just enough to make that feeling go away and a lot of the

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symptoms of stress can be the same way.

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Where we basically get the needle move just enough back past the danger

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area to where or what we'll call the overwhelm area just to make it simple.

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You're not necessarily in any danger at this point.

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You could be, but not necessarily.

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we're in this overwhelmed area, and we've basically moved the needle back just

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enough where it's outside of that area.

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We're not feeling overwhelmed.

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We just feel maybe a little bit of stress, but it's not that bad.

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It feels tolerable, like we can handle it, like it's under control,

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but it doesn't take much to drive us right back into the bad area, right?

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when I look at this, I look at it from the example of a phone battery.

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Let's say you, you charged your phone all the way up, and then

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you ran your phone down 10%.

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Okay, so your phone was at 100%, now it's at 90.

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And then, you plug it in.

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It gets to 95, you pull it back off the charger and then you use it.

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And then you run down another 10%.

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Now you're at 85 and then you plug it back in.

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You charge it up another 5%.

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And so now it's at 90%.

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Whoa.

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You're still 10 percent below where you started.

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You're still in the negative.

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And that's really what happens a lot of times when we are trying

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to actively de stress ourselves.

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Is the amount of de stressing we're doing is less than the actual stress we have.

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And again, I go back to the water example.

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The reason for that is, we've only moved the needle just far enough to where

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we're not feeling the stress anymore.

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But it's still there.

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It's still being accounted for.

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So that is the reason why all of a sudden we feel like, oh, I'm okay now.

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But the reality is, we haven't fully recharged the battery yet.

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The battery is still operating at a negative.

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that's what happens when we try to actively de stress.

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And that's why most people, even though they're trying to do those

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things, they don't feel like those things are really working for them.

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Okay, so to this point, we've talked about How the stress builds up.

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We've talked about how to recognize if you have too much stress.

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I've explained to you one of the big things that people try to do is actively

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de stress themselves and how that can make you feel better for a little while,

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but it's not really solving the problem.

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So now what I'm about to share with you is the second part of the equation,

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which is preparing yourself for stress.

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So let me give you a few different examples here and I'm going to

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give you three tips that you can actually utilize this holiday season.

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So for me, I worked retail for 13 years and as a result of that,

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I have some leftover, anxiety.

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I don't want to call it PTSD.

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But that's honestly, the best comparison I can make to it.

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and the reason I don't want to say it that way is I don't want to make

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light of anyone who has PTSD whatsoever by comparing my situation, but it's

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very much like that because I can be around crowds, like at a football game

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or a concert, and I'm totally fine.

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But if you put me around a crowd, like, in a environment like a grocery store or an

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apartment store, it just drives me crazy.

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Like, I don't want to be there.

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what I find is, I have to prepare myself to go into those places.

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Mentally, I have to prepare myself.

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Physically, I have to prepare myself to be able to walk into those environments.

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and not get really anxious and really irritable with people.

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And that's because Actively de stressing in those moments can help, but it's so

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much better if I walk in with a plan so that I'm not now trying to figure

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out in the moment how I want to react.

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Because remember, I said one of the signs of stress is things

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like foggy thinking or indecision.

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So if you are at a point where you're indifferent, your thinking

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is foggy, And you are really struggling with decision making.

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Does that sound like the time you want to be making decisions?

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Of course not.

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You want to already know how you're gonna handle those situations.

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But prepping goes beyond just that.

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And that's the three tips I'm gonna give you guys today that you're gonna be able

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to use throughout the holiday season.

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number one is exercise.

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Now, exercise, a lot of people think of it as an active, de

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stressing thing, and it can be.

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for example, say you're doing something like some yoga, or you're going for

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a walk, those absolutely can be part of a great de stressing program.

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However, exercise also prepares us to deal with stress.

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I'm going to read a quote here from Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Probably heard of him.

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Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress

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and thus it tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body when

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we exercise, what we do is we teach our bodies how to deal with stress.

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And we can actually do certain types of exercise that build up

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our stress resilience better.

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It actually teaches our body to activate our parasympathetic systems, and that is

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the rest and digest system that we have.

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Which helps to counteract stress and the more that we do this the more it benefits

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us and the more that we are able to withstand and be resilient towards stress.

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Because remember, a stressor is not in and of itself a bad thing.

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Stress can be a positive.

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When we have the right amount of stress, it actually is very motivating

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and moves us towards our goal.

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We'll talk a little bit more about that in our...

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Science section later, but when we start to get too much stress, when

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it starts to become overwhelming, then we start to get burnt out.

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And what we're doing with exercise and by doing the right types of exercise

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to build resilience towards stress is we're giving ourselves two advantages.

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Number one, We're pushing the needle a little further over.

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It takes longer for us to hit that stress point where we

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start to become overwhelmed.

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The second thing is, I gave you the battery analogy earlier, and when we train

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our bodies to be more resilient towards stress, What we do is, we start, it's like

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plugging your phone into a fast charger, all of a sudden, instead of you getting

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the slow charge, now you're getting the super fast charge, so for those of you

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who have a newer phone, and it tells you can fully charge your phone in like 30

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minutes or whatever, this is what I'm talking about when I say plugging it

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into a fast charger, and that's exactly what training our bodies to be resilient

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to stress can help us do as well.

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Okay, so now that is what we're gonna do, For situations that we don't

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really know what's gonna happen.

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that's just getting our body prepared for situations in advance.

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And, the second area that we're gonna look at, the second step

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we're gonna look at is Anticipate.

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Now, when I talk about anticipating, I kinda referenced this a little

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bit with my story example.

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Where I get myself mentally zoned in, I think ahead about how I'm

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gonna deal with the situation.

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I'm anticipating the things that are going to trigger me, the things that are going

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to cause issues for me and I decide on a plan of action of how I'm going to get

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around those before they ever come up.

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And I love this quote by Tim Ferriss who says, I think that whenever you

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feel reactive or being reactive as opposed to proactive, that inherently,

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consciously, or subconsciously, that creates a lot of stress.

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And he's right.

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Because the reality is, when we just try to wing it, when we say I'll just

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figure it out in a moment, we're hoping that the stress has not gotten to the

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point that we become indifferent, or that we become indecisive, or that we

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start making poor decisions because we're so mentally and physically fatigued.

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And unfortunately, guys, that's usually what happens, right?

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So you have to have a strategy in place to go, Okay, when I start to

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feel myself getting overwhelmed, this is what I'm going to do.

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Or if you know specifically what your triggers are, then if you find

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yourself face to face with that trigger, what am I going to do?

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I want to be very clear here.

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This is not medical advice.

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Some people may have deeper traumas that trigger them, things

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that they need to deal with.

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I want to encourage you to seek the help of professionals.

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This is not just something that I'm like, Oh, just think your way out of it.

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I just want to be very clear about that because for some people you may need,

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professional assistance with this.

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And there is no shame in that.

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It's totally understandable.

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But if that's not you, if you don't have like a major trauma that you're

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dealing with, and it's something that as long as you can come up with a

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game plan and get it, get yourself out of that situation and you're good.

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And then the third thing is actually just focus on something else.

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Usain Bolt actually says, and I'm just going to read this one to you guys.

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Says, I've learned over the years that if you start thinking about the race,

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it stresses you out a little bit.

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I just try to relax and think about video games, what I'm going to do after the

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race, what I'm going to do just to chill.

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Stuff like that to relax a little before the race.

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Usain Bolt.

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is the fastest man on the planet, right?

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And has won a lot of races.

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it's interesting, you hear a lot of athletes talk about visualization and

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how they're thinking only about the race and all that kind of stuff, and you

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hear he's going, Look, I find I get a little bit stressed out when I do that.

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And so I actually focus on things that are gonna happen after the race.

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Or, you know, whatever.

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And I think we can use that same thing here.

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So rather than trying to be like Clark Griswold, and trying to make

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Christmas perfect for everybody, or Thanksgiving perfect for everybody,

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if instead, we say, you know what?

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I can't control the outcome.

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I can't decide if everyone else is happy, or whatever.

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All I can really do is the best that I can do.

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And then we can turn our attention toward the other stuff, right?

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So now instead of you worrying about perfect holiday season, you can think

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about like how cool it's going to be to like watch the kids open presents,

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or you can think about how good some of that food is going to taste on the

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table, or you can think about how, you know, much fun it's going to be

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sitting around watching football games with maybe some of the other guys.

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And you can really start to just focus on those things and get excited about those

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things happening without having to worry about any outcomes being attached to them.

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And I think that's one of the big ones for me, is when we attach a

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desire, an outcome to something, then it becomes stressful a lot of times.

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When we recognize that, hey, we don't necessarily have control over the outcome.

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But let's enjoy the process, let's think about what are the good things that are

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going to come out of this, regardless of what else happens, and we can enjoy that.

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And when we start to do that's going to help us start to reduce the stress.

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So guys, hopefully that gives you some really good guidelines to go off of

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for this holiday season, gives you some really good tools to work with.

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If you need to go back and listen to this episode a couple

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of times, feel free to do that.

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before we move on to our next section, did want to just remind you guys as always,

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that if you are enjoying the podcast, please consider giving us a follow.

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You can subscribe to us on our YouTube channel at Unshakable

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Habits, or you can also find us on your favorite podcast platforms.

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And we would appreciate if you could just take a second.

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on Apple, or on Podchaser, or on Spotify, and leave us a review for

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the podcast as well, because that helps other people to find it.

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with that...

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Let's jump into our new segment.

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Intro/Outro: Let's see what the science says.

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Alright guys, you heard it.

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We're going to see what the science says.

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And this segment is brought to you by Unshakable Habits, where we help men

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to reclaim their health, so they can create a better life for themselves

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and those who depend upon them.

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You can learn more at UnshakableHabits.

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com Book your free call today and see how Unshakable Habits

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can help you reclaim your health.

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Alright guys, so this particular study looks at the idea of having

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stress as a badge of honor.

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Now, I'm gonna actually read this on here for you, just so you guys have a

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clear understanding of what this is.

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stress as a badge of honor, according to the researchers.

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is the belief that a high workload is impressive in both

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personally and socially valued.

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in other words, people who have this mindset equate working long,

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hard hours with being a good person.

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if that's you, then you're going to really find this very interesting.

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the mindset consists of four factors, and each of those have their own definitions,

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so let me read those to you real quick.

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So the first one is relaxation remorse, and this is the

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discomfort and guilt someone might feel in the absence of stress.

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For example, when they take off from work, sleep in, or even put

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their phone on do not disturb.

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Stress as an achievement is when someone sees their high

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workload as a sign of importance.

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Stress related social comparison, otherwise known as SRSC.

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A tendency to compare one's workload to the workload of others.

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for example, someone might come in earlier or stay later because they notice

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coworkers or their boss doing the same.

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And then stress related impression management is when someone attempts

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to create a social image of themselves being a hard worker.

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So that's when you see people do, like the humble brag about like, Oh, you know,

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I worked so hard and stuff like that.

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So that's stress related impression management.

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Now to give you a snapshot of the study, 752 Amazon workers

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were a part of the study.

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54 percent were male, 46 percent female.

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the average age was 35.

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So pretty relevant to, to my audience here.

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because I know that's about the beginning, some of you guys might be a little older,

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some of you might be a little younger, but that's probably about the right age

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range for what most of my audience is.

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And then, the average number of hours they worked per week is 42.

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Which some of you might be like, That sounds wonderful, 42 hours.

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That's like nothing.

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And then some of you might be like, how do they get anything done?

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as some of you, that might be all you heard.

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Alright, so here's what the study found.

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That, interesting enough here, the Stress as Achievement group, and remember, stress

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as an achievement is people who sees their high workload as a sign of importance.

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They actually reported less perceived stress.

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And then people that were high in the stress related impression management,

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remember that's the people who humble brag about how much time they're

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working and things like that, reported fewer overall health problems.

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If you're in that category right now, you're thinking to yourself, yes,

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see, are you guys keep telling me to like stress less, but it's okay.

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But not so fast, my friend.

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to quote the great Lee Corso.

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Because the badge of honor mindset actually did harm the emotional,

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social, and physical health of this group when they also experienced a

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high degree of relaxation remorse.

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So in other words, the person who doesn't want to take vacation, the

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person who feels like they can't put their phone down, they might miss an

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email or a text message, they can't put their phone on do not disturb.

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If you are in that category, then that's when all the negative results come in.

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Okay, so very interesting findings there that the stress itself isn't

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really causing people very many issues, but your mindset, and especially

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when it comes to your mindset around being able to relax and turn things

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off, does have an impact, for sure.

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Alright, The, according to the researchers, relaxation remorse would

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be expected to be negative related to recovery experiences because relaxation

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remorse may result in fewer breaks or simply breaks that are less replenishing.

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So guys, here is the big takeaway for you.

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I want to make sure that you get this part.

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The idea here is very simple.

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It's not so much about the stress, it's about our ability to recover from

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it, which very much goes back to what I was talking to you guys about at

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the opening of the show today, right?

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It's not just about the active de stressing process, guys.

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It's about preparing yourself for stress.

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It's about being able to better tolerate stress, and part of being able to

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tolerate stress better is to have more recovery built into your stress routine.

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some of the elements that lead to more stress, you have poor nutrition poor, low

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energy intake, and extreme diets, which you guys know I'm very much against.

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Intense exercise, which hey listen, occasional intense

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exercise is good for you.

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We need a little hardcore workout every now and then, but if it's all you ever do.

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it's gonna become a stressor and it's not a good one.

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word stress, relationship stress.

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Are you guys starting to see why I'm focused on connected health here maybe?

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caregiving, financial stress, loneliness, negative emotions, environmental

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stress, alcohol and drug use.

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and illness and injury.

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So those are things that can increase stress.

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So what about that recovery?

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how do we get better?

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good nutrition, regular sleep, gentle movement, fulfilling activities.

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you know, one of my components of connected health is existential

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health, sense of purpose, right?

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So fulfilling activities, social connections.

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Environmental, Social Health, Positive Emotions, Emotional Health,

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Time and Nature, and Mindfulness.

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So when you can start doing all these things, what ends up happening is,

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again, I go back to the phone analogy.

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You start putting the phone on the rapid charger and it starts charging faster.

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So now you're able to get the battery fully recharged again to be ready to use,

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rather than constantly using your battery.

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at a deficit.

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Now one final thing I want to give you guys on this.

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For some of you, if this applies to you, that means that you really

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struggle with relaxation remorse and therefore this idea of just sitting

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around and doing nothing could actually make things even worse for you.

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And the good news is you don't have to just sit around and do nothing.

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You can look at this as a active process.

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So getting out, Spending more time in nature, doing more walks, having exercise,

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but maybe just having some lower intensity days, spending time with your family,

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things that are active, but they're things that aren't creating negative stress

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or creating positive stress for you.

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And so if we can do that, we can actually start to turn around this because again,

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it's not about the amount of stress.

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It's really about the amount of recovery.

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And that's something that a lot of people get wrong.

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So I wanted to share that with you guys today because the science I think a lot

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of times we don't really look at because it can be so complicated these papers are

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written in languages that only scientific researchers or people who have been

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taught how to read them even understand.

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So I want to give you guys some of this stuff and give you practical

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advice for actually how to approach it.

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So with that guys, that is going to be it for our show this week.

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did want to just really quickly let you know, I do have a few

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coaching spots open right now.

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So if you are looking for some one on one coaching over the holidays,

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you want to help come figure out how do I, you know, recover better, how

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do I get my stress levels in check.

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And how do I hit the ground running in January on the rest of my health goals?

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you can do that by helping to get started now, and you can go to unshakablehabits.

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com, schedule a free roadmap call, and I will be happy to sit down

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and talk with you guys about that.

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with that guys, As always, I want to remind you that while none of us are born

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unshakable, we can all become unshakable.

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See you next week and enjoy your holidays.

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Thank you for listening to the Unshakable Habits podcast with Coach Stephen Box.

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Be sure to hit the subscribe button and help us spread the word by

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sharing the podcast with other men.

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If you're ready to create unshakable habits, you can learn more and connect

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with us at unshakablehabits.com.

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