The Real Life of Foster Care: What People Don’t See

May is Foster Care Awareness Month, and while a lot of people are familiar with the idea of foster care, far fewer understand what it actually looks like inside a home that is living it every single day. In this episode, we wanted to slow things down and offer a more honest picture of that reality, not to overwhelm you, but to help you see what is often hidden and to invite you into it in a meaningful way.

When most people think about foster care, they tend to picture the big, visible pieces. They think about court dates, caseworkers, home visits, and the system as a whole. Those things are certainly part of the experience, and they can be difficult in their own right. But what often goes unseen are the quieter moments that carry just as much weight, if not more.

It shows up in a child filling their plate at dinner and not taking a single bite. It shows up in tears late at night and questions that do not have easy answers, like “Why can’t I go back to my mommy?” These are the moments that don’t make headlines or get talked about often, but they are the ones that shape a foster family’s daily life.

There is also a layer of unpredictability that is hard to explain unless you have lived it. Schedules change at the last minute, visits get canceled or rearranged, and communication is not always as clear or timely as you would hope. In the middle of all of that, you are still trying to create stability for a child who has already experienced significant disruption. That tension can be exhausting, not just physically, but emotionally.

One of the biggest shifts foster care requires is learning to see behavior through a different lens. What might look like defiance on the surface is often rooted in fear. What looks like anger may actually be grief. Even withdrawal can be a form of protection for a child who is trying to make sense of a world that has not felt safe or consistent. There is no simple formula for responding to those moments well, which means you are often learning as you go, relying on patience, grace, and a lot of prayer.

Another important piece that we talk about in this episode is the purpose of foster care itself. Many people assume the goal is adoption, but in most cases, the goal is reunification. The hope is that families can heal and that children can safely return home. That reality creates a unique tension for foster families, because you are called to love a child deeply while also preparing your heart for the possibility that they may leave. It is a kind of love that requires both openness and surrender at the same time.

Even with all of the challenges, there is still so much beauty woven throughout the experience. There are moments that feel sacred in a way that is hard to fully describe. A child who begins to trust after weeks or months of uncertainty. A small expression of gratitude that carries far more meaning than expected. Watching your own children develop compassion and awareness in ways that would not have happened otherwise. These moments do not erase the hard, but they give it purpose.

We also spend some time challenging the idea that foster care is only for a specific group of people. While not everyone is called to open their home, we do believe that everyone is called to care in some capacity. There are many ways to step into this space, and they do not all require becoming a foster parent. In fact, some of the most impactful support comes from people who are willing to come alongside foster families and help carry the load.

If you are not sure where to begin, it can be simpler than you think. Bringing a meal to a foster family can create margin in a day that feels overwhelming. Offering to help with transportation or childcare can relieve pressure in a very tangible way. Even small acts like helping with yard work or providing groceries can communicate to a family that they are not alone. There are also opportunities to support biological families when it is safe to do so, which can play a role in preventing children from entering foster care in the first place.

As we move into this month, our encouragement is to take a step, even if it feels small. Learn more about foster care, ask questions, and look for ways to get involved. You do not need to have everything figured out before you begin. Often, it is simply a willingness to say yes to what is in front of you that makes the biggest difference.

If this episode encouraged you or gave you a new perspective, we would love for you to share it with someone else. You never know how one conversation or one small action might impact a child or a family in need.

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Music Credit

"Paradise Found" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons

What you don't see is the kid filling their plate at dinner time and not eating anything. The kid crying for no discernible reason, coming down the stairs with tears coming down her cheeks, saying, I miss my mommy.

Why can't I go back to live with my mommy? Welcome to Dream Small, where we believe God does big things through the small and everyday faithfulness of his people. I'm Jason.

And I'm Whitney. We're a family of eight who's fostered, adopted, and stumbled our way through learning that small, everyday choices can change lives.

In a world that tells you to chase big, we dare you to dream small.

Because you know what? It's not about chasing fame. It's about choosing faithfulness. Hey, everybody, thank you for joining us for another episode of Dream Small.

We are creeping into the month of May. Depending on when you're listening to this, it might be the month of May.

This will release right before the month of May.

Yes.

Yeah.

Deer is flying.

So May, and you may or may not know that May is Foster Care Awareness Month.

So we're kind of gonna go back a little bit, roll, roll it back, and kind of get back to basics for you guys for the month of May, for Foster Care Awareness Month. And we have a lot of great upcoming episodes planned. Some of them may feel like a repeat to some of you, but maybe not. You never know.

And we're always going to fun, like, throw fun.

They're not repeats. They're going to be incredibly insightful and interesting every single day.

But you also might feel like you heard some of this before, but, you know, maybe you have, but maybe you'll hear it for the first time. I mean, we all read the Bible more than once, right? So there's that.

Did you just compare us to the Bible?

No, I didn't.

Pretty bold. Wow.

But did you know I don't read books more than once? I can't do it.

I'm actually right now listening to an audiobook that I've already read, and I was really excited to listen to it again because a friend is also reading books.

Fiction or nonfiction?

It's Christian fiction.

Oh, you reading the Wellspring Book? Yes. Okay.

It's so good.

Yeah, I'll allow it.

Yes. It's so good.

So is that what you're grateful for today is reading Souls Gate again?

Probably. Yeah. I'm really excited about it. If you guys have not heard of the author James L. Rupert? I highly recommend him for Christian fiction.

My first introduction to him was the Five Times I Met Myself and all of his books that I think I'm currently reading another one of his books and then listening to this other one that I'm actually listening to for the second time, which I don't ever do. But I think after that, after the one I'm reading, I've actually read all of his books now. I'm a big fan. I'm grateful for James. Me and Jimmy.

We're tight.

I'm grateful I had a couple hours yesterday to clean out our atrocious garage.

I don't know what you're talking about. Atrocious?

Yeah. We look like hoarders. We look like the people when you open their garage, you go, oh, my gosh. That's what it looked like.

It felt like that. Yeah. I felt judged.

I felt judged by myself. I didn't care about anybody else. I was disgusted.

You know, I had. When I mowed the other day, it was back in the far corner. I literally had to lift up the lawnmower above my head. The whole lawn.

I don't think you had to lift it up above your head for whatever you wanted.

I did because the gymnastics bar was there.

Why don't you move the gymnastics bar?

It was like there was everything around everywhere. I just couldn't do it. I felt like the best case from point A to point B was like, deadlifting the stinking lawn mower. You're welcome.

And I did remember that. Like, I could actually collapse it and make it smaller, but I didn't do that. Like, I just. I didn't want to bother.

I just wanted to get it out and mow because I had a very limited time frame. You're welcome.

For what?

Mowing.

Oh, good. Good job.

Thanks.

And mulching. Give yourself credit.

I know I mulched. I'm like, nesting before the surgery. But when you're listening to this, I'll be, like, a week into recovery and hating worthless.

You'll be hating life. When people listen to this, you're going to. You're going to feel terrible.

It'll be great.

Yep. Can't wait.

Hopefully there'll be lots of sleep and it'll be fine.

Just as long as your hip feels better when all of a sudden, we'll be good. Okay, so what are we talking about today?

So just so you guys all know how we joked last time, Whitney says she doesn't read the outlines till we Sit down. She developed this one, and it's like, I'm not going to read it till we sit down, because I want you to experience a little bit of my world.

What it's like when you build these and work on them, and then your spouse basically says, I don't care about your work.

No, it's not that I don't care. I don't have capacity. My capacity is sitting down and talking to you and recording it. Beyond that, I don't have much.

This is the first time I've sat down all day, and it is 8:27 on a Sunday evening.

You napped today.

Okay, that doesn't count. That was necessary, and it was for, like, 40 minutes. Stop it.

Oh, that doesn't count. Okay.

Besides that, have I stopped? I literally can't stop unless I'm napping and I tell everyone to leave me alone.

All right, go ahead, kick us off.

So, like I said, Foster Care Awareness Month is maybe.

So today's episode is one that is obviously close to our hearts, and it's certainly not because we have all of the answers, but because we have and do live in the middle of it. We've held babies in the middle of the night who weren't ours. We still do it to this day.

We have loved many kids deeply, knowing that they would leave someday. We've walked through really, really beautiful and special moments, and also a lot of moments that felt like they might break us.

So if we're honest, there's just a lot about foster care that people don't get to see, because a lot of it happens in the quiet moments that are really personal and just really in our home. So today, we want to take a moment to pull back that curtain a little bit.

Not to overwhelm anyone, but to invite you into a deeper understanding and maybe even into a little action. How do you like that for an intro?

Great job.

Thank you.

Still don't know what we're talking about.

Oh, my goodness. Jason, Are you kidding me right now?

I know the title of the notes are Foster Care Awareness Month episode. Are we talking about the real life of a foster family? Is that what we're talking about?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Like the real life of a foster family.

You open a podcast, like, you tell stories.

I love you so much.

Stinks, doesn't it?

So the thing about foster care is you're loving on these children.

Children that have experienced a lot of trauma and a lot of pain and a lot of sorrow and a lot of grief and a lot of heartbreak, and children that have sometimes seen so much more than we as adults can ever even fathom. And the thing is that that child never asked for any of it. They didn't ask for the trauma. They didn't ask to be separated from their family.

They didn't ask to be put into the system. They didn't ask to go to another family with different expectations and food and rules and traditions. And it's just.

There's just so much there that people don't see.

And it's just one of those things that unless you personally experience it, you will never fully understand it, which is why we're talking about that today. Does that help you at all, Jason?

Sure.

Oh, my gosh. I think I'm going to be on my own. You should just, like, turn off your mic. Let me talk. No, you need to talk, too. Stop it.

You just told me not to talk.

You're just staring at me with this grin. Why aren't you talking about foster care?

You told me not to talk.

Okay, talk. Your turn. Go.

Foster care has been a wild ride for us.

We've experienced, obviously, not all of it, because nobody, not one single family, foster family, regardless, can experience every little aspect of it. But I feel like we've gotten a pretty solid dose.

Well, just like every adult human being has their own story, their own life story, their own testimony, so do these kids. So do all of the stories that come into our home and how our lives intertwine with them and walk alongside them. Right.

It's kind of like it's joking here. So if you don't have a sense of humor, just skip this part.

Oh, boy.

But we joke about. And when I go to my summer away with my friends.

Your hillbilly races.

My hillbilly races. It's a buddy from here and a buddy from college. The buddy from college happens to be a black guy, and we talk about everything.

And he's like, look, man, I'm not the spokesman for the black people, so I'm not real sure. Because we talk about everything. That's kind of the same sense I feel for us.

I want to make sure people understand we don't speak on behalf of all foster parents. No, we're speaking from our experience.

Yeah. So please understand that, like, we are not the pros by any means.

I mean, we're kind of pros.

We just like to talk. And this is an area that we feel capable of talking into a little bit and sharing some experience and essentially, lessons learned.

All this podcast is, is to help people somewhere else in their foster Care journey. And hopefully just a little bit of what we share helps them. That's the entire.

And to raise awareness, like, during the month of May.

Right. But that also. I don't think we're going to say anything where somebody's like, oh, I didn't know that.

I think we will tug on heartstrings that are already there.

Yeah. What would you say if you could put foster care into one word, what would you say it is? Yeah, he's looking at me like, from crazy service. Okay.

Sacrifice, love. Those are good ones. I think one of the big. What are you laughing at?

Vinny just walked by going like this with his finger on his lips, like the shush.

Like he's telling himself to be quiet.

He's lumbering around like the moose flopper that he is. It was fantastic.

One of the biggest misconceptions about foster care is that a lot of us. And I say us because I've been there too, a lot of us think that foster care is about adopting kids.

And a lot of bio families think that foster cares about adopting kids. And that's why biofamilies automatically don't like foster families, because they think that the foster families want to take their kid. Right.

But that's not the goal. Adoption definitely can be part of the story a lot of the time.

I don't know percentage wise, but I don't even think it's half the time, typically speaking.

I mean, based on our experience, we've had 14 kids total in our home. Foster kids that were ours. Not respite, not anything else. We've adopted three.

You do that math.

It's about. It's just over 20%.

Okay. Yeah. And. And we also know people who fostered like 50 kids and adopted one.

Yeah.

Right. So it varies, but. And I also know people who've fostered two and adopted two. So it. It varies. Right. But adoption is not the goal.

The goal of foster care is reunification. The goal is to help families heal. And when our kids were little, when we first started fostering, you know, we discussed it, Jason and I.

How do you explain to a two and a three and a half year old what foster care is? Right.

And I just broke it down the simplest way, and I said, it's our job to take care of and love these kids until their mommy and daddy are able to take care of them safely.

We get to take care of their kids until we get to love their kids, keep them safe until they're ready.

Yeah. Until they can do it. Right. Like, that's the goal. And that's what we've told our kids from the beginning. And it's beautiful to be able to do that.

And it's really hard. You're asked to love someone else fully while holding them loosely.

You're loving kids recklessly with the goal of being goodbye. You know, there's a couple episodes. I forget which one we did. We talked about the goal of foster care is goodbye. That's it.

Yeah.

But you're still gonna love these kids like they're your own.

You have to, right? And if I've heard of some foster families that don't do that, that's heartbreaking.

That makes me.

They're not fostering for the right reasons or they shouldn't be fostering anymore if they do that. Because.

Do you remember when we were going through training and they asked us all why we wanted to foster? And most people gave really meaningful answers and one young girl said she didn't want to get a real job. No. Yeah. She was like three over from us.

I wonder if they ever, like, licensed her.

I don't. I hope not.

Holy cow. But yeah, I mean, apparently our son.

We were just talking about per diem, and I was reading a prior comment from a friend in Pennsylvania, and she said that the per diem In Pennsylvania is 15 a day for a child. And my son was like, whoa, you get paid to foster? And he asked Alexa to do the math. And then he told me how much annually that is. And I'm like, yeah.

And that's like, for a full. Not like, way more than full time job. Like, yes, there's money that comes to fostering to help support that child.

It absolutely helps.

It absolutely helps. And it serves a purpose. But it's not an income. It's not for the parent or the benefit of the parent.

It's to assist the parent in supporting the child. Period. End of sentence. So, Jason, let's talk. I keep using my mouse even though my mouse isn't working. I need Benny, help me put my battery.

Put a battery in a mouse. You need.

He's my battery boy. Yeah. Towel boys. Battery boys. So talk to me about the hidden realities of foster care.

You have the obvious things. The extra visits from caseworkers, court cases, meetings.

What about when they all get, like, pushed back or postponed or canceled?

Could I finish? Yeah, finish my thought.

Yeah.

Thanks. I know you like to talk. Let me.

I just wanted to, like, encourage you to keep going.

I wasn't doing great. I hate it here. Blink twice if you need help. I just blinked Everybody, twice.

Mayday. Mayday.

You see the obvious stuff, the very visual stuff. What you don't see is the kid filling their plate at dinner time and not eating anything.

The kid crying for no discernible reason, coming down the stairs with tears coming down her cheeks, saying, I miss my mommy.

Yeah.

Why can't I go back to live with my mommy?

Yeah. Those have been some of the hardest questions because there's no good answer.

Well, also our kids. Hey, dad, where's Mom? She's at the hospital with the other with foster kid, Leah. When is she coming home? I don't know.

Yeah.

Those type of things don't get seen a lot, don't get understood.

Like, Lainey's missed sixth birthday because I was at the hospital.

I don't think it's six. I think we keep inflating it. She's only 12. I don't think you've missed half of her birthday.

No, six, as in when she turns six.

That makes much more sense.

Yes.

Is that the unicorn?

Yeah.

Costume party.

There was another one that I missed completely.

You missed more than. You missed more than one.

And then there was a Christmas. Yeah.

Halloween.

Yeah. I let. Yeah. I didn't do trick or treating with you guys. Yep.

It was gross weather.

Anyway, I got lucky. I got to hold a baby in a hospital room.

Those things, those more subtle things people, I think, understand, the meetings, the court cases, the visits, the struggles with the system. It's those more subtle things I don't think people see or appreciate.

I would challenge that. People understand those meetings and appointments, but people don't see the nuances that surround them.

Correct.

Like a team meeting that has been scheduled for months. This literally just happened to me all of a sudden. Moved the day of the meeting, moved to virtual, which is fine.

You know, that's actually more convenient. No big deal. Moved to virtual because a bio mom could not get a ride to said meeting in person.

And then during the virtual meeting, this mom is shopping at Walmart while the meeting's happening. It's like, what? So just a real life example, but, oh, my goodness.

So, like, my biggest pet peeve is when people don't do their job right or don't adequately, adequately, adequately communicate when things aren't going to go as for their job and respected, respectful of other people's time.

There have been times I've literally waited hours for a caseworker or a visit supervisor to come to our house for a visit or to pick up a child, and I never heard. Heard from them, like, hours later. I cannot stand that.

If I'm scheduling my whole day with six children going to three different schools and appointments and needs and children schedules, I need to know that you're going to be here when you're going to be here. Right.

And there has to be a lot of flexibility because you're also depending on, like, for a visit, for example, you're depending on a parent to do their end of the deal and show up for that visit, because otherwise, guess what? You get a text a half hour later, hey, I'm bringing the child back. And then if it's an older child, you have to console that child. Why?

They didn't get to see their mommy. They just left with a random person and came back.

Why did I get picked up early from school somewhere? I enjoy to go to a visit that causes me anxiety and stress, only for that visit to be canceled and for me to miss school.

And why don't they love me? Why don't they show up? Like, that's.

But they can't verbalize it, right? Yeah, they can't verbalize that. That's the tricky part.

So not trying to rant, but there are just so many unseen. Stop laughing at me.

There are so many unseen realities that happen with foster care that the average person doesn't see, doesn't know about, wouldn't know about. Right.

Like, it's impossible.

No one has time to complain about this stuff.

So that's why we started a podcast so we can complain about it. And here you are listening under the guise of helping people.

Yes. Another interesting reality is navigating ways to support a biological family while also protecting your own heart and your own family.

When you're caring for, loving for their child and figuring out how to support them, how to encourage reunification, if it's possible, that can be tricky.

It's a fine line you have to walk.

You know, like any parent would say, like, we don't really know what we're doing. Right. Like, we're just learning as we go. Like, parenting does not come with a handbook. Neither does foster care. One would argue the Bible.

Yes, I saw Jason's face. But parent. We don't automatically have a child and know how to parent. Right. We learn as we go. We do our best, we learn, we evolve.

Same with foster care. But when you throw in all these extra dynamics, we still don't know what we're doing. Right.

We don't know what we're doing, but now it's on fire.

Yes. And you're dealing with people who have a. Can Potentially have a really different view of the world.

You know, we've dealt with families who have been angry and hateful. We've dealt with families who have been accepting and kind and loving that we've been able to have over to our house.

We've dealt with families who have blamed us. We've dealt with families who have manipulated and lied about us.

I know a lot of foster parents have dealt with families who have called DCS and reported on those foster families just for the sake of reporting.

That's an unseen thing that happens and that is stressful. Frequently.

Yeah.

Bio parents will call DCS and make a child abuse claim against the foster parent. 95% Of the time is completely fabricated. There's no truth at all.

And sure, sometimes it is, it does happen. Right. Like you hear those horror stories, but for the most part all it does is create another layer of stress for that family.

Like why am I doing this? Why are we stepping into this hard.

For an example, we were in court for a child along our journey and the therapist shared some struggles she was having. And Biomom said, I've never seen that. That must be because of the foster home.

Yeah.

And the struggles are very significant.

Extremely.

And this was in court, our caseworker immediately spoke up and said, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then the judge quickly spoke up and said, oh, I'm not considering that at all. So basically, yeah, this person said this.

I'm dismissing it as a non legit thing.

But.

But that's still.

Even hearing that was like a dagger to the heart. Yeah.

Yeah. It's hard to understand how somebody who you've loved their kid for so long would be willing to throw grenades at you like that.

Completely unfounded. Right. Like no reason, but it's just some. This was, for example, is a really narcissistic pattern of behavior. And that's just where we landed.

Yep.

Huh. What about the child's perspective? Want to talk about that a little bit? Pull back the curtain on that. Through our experiences, we haven't had.

Kind of the stereotypical foster kid because we've had mainly young kids. Right.

I'm thinking of the older ones that we've had. I'm thinking of the 10 year old boy that we had and the 6 year old, the 5 year old girl.

I think the 5 year old girl was the most stereotypical foster kid.

Yeah. Even the 10 year old boy. I mean, you know, just looking at things through a trauma lens, which we've.

Talked about before, which is learn this is not something that comes naturally, nor Quickly.

I'm aware that what looks like defiance could actually be fear. What looks like anger might actually be grief.

What looks like withdraw could be a child protecting themselves, because that's the only way that they know how. We had one kiddo who would dissociate from stressful events.

Can you explain what that means for our friends listening that aren't.

Well, I mean, this kiddo could be in the middle of. I'm trying to think other people crashing out or thinking that she's going to get in trouble, and she just, like, goes into a shell.

And it's almost like she's physically present but not present. Like, it's like her mind goes elsewhere.

It's like her operating system, if she was a computer, shut down.

Yeah.

The service is there, but the operating system is not running.

Yes. And that's a coping mechanism.

Sure is.

So just being aware of things.

If you've seen Forrest Gump, you know, when Jenny and him are hiding, she talks about I want to fly when she's getting beaten by her dad.

Look at you being like a psychologist right now.

No, it's not psychology. That's like a metaphor. Like, it's teaching. It's. People learn from metaphors.

Okay.

Duh. Being like Jesus using a metaphor.

Dr. Jason.

Oh, but yeah, it is a way for kids to just. It's like that scene from Forrest Gump. She just. They. They mentally and emotionally fly far, far away.

Yeah.

I mean, I had a. One of our children was telling me about a really sad, scary situation that happened with her bio family, and she was hiding under a bed and she.

There was a bad man around, and I won't go into, like, detail, but she was telling me about this just very matter of fact. Like it wasn't an emotional attachment. Just very, very matter of fact. And just as if she was telling a story. But, you know, it's real.

Like at that age, that child. Like, children that age don't just make up stories. This was a lived experience. But she says to me, but I knew Jesus was with me.

And this was after months of being in our home. And I'm just so glad that we were able to plant those seeds, that there is a daddy who loves her more than anyone, more than she could ever imagine.

And it helped change her perspective a little bit as she was working through some of these memories. And she said I was okay because Jesus was with me. Oh, that's heavy.

The kids perspective, it's so hard. There's no linear rule book. There's no consistency from kid to kid. There's no playbook. There's no.

And there's no playbook for parents of kids.

That's what I'm saying. There's no. You think raising kids you birthed and have been with you since the get go and you haven't exposed to trauma or challenging.

Because they are.

They are kids. Middle schoolers, man.

Somebody else. Somebody else's kids who's been through hell. And they don't know why and they don't know what.

Coming into your brand new home and helping them navigate the world. It's tough for those kids.

Yeah. And for those parents. So be. Be extra kind to those foster parents. Please. And if it's. If you're one of them. Be kind to yourself.

Yeah. That's good. Be kind to yourself.

Yeah. Have grace. You're not alone. And I say all that to remind everyone that there is still so much beauty in the brokenness.

That was some heavy stuff that we just kind of like glossed over right there. And it is hard. It is so hard. But there are also so many sacred moments in foster care. Like.

Like I said that story of that little girl who was terrified. And she said, but I knew Jesus was with me.

What's the one moment from our. Almost exactly eight years at this point.

Yeah. Happy anniversary.

Yeah. It's close. It might. It's not exact. Is it exactly eight years?

Facebook memories will tell us soon enough.

Yeah. It's fun.

But within the next week or two. It was like April twenty something. I want to say.

What's your favorite warm memory over the eight years?

Warm.

Warm. Happy. Heart warming.

Do you have one to think about? I'm really bad at on the spot stuff like that.

I have two.

Okay. Go.

Leah.

The smile.

The smile.

Yeah.

Let's call it the smile. Leah hated everybody and everything when she was a baby. She was in pain. Like we. It was a long journey for her. She was just miserable.

She wasn't puking up her feed. She was crying because she wasn't fed. Just awful. She was given. It was over a long weekend. I was changing her on our ottoman and I don't know why.

She just paused, looked up at me and her entire face lit up with a giant smile.

Yeah.

Almost to say, I know I'm tough. We're going to be okay. It was amazing. Yeah. Like, I love you, dad. I'm sorry for being a jerk. And then back to.

But it was enough to sustain you for a while. That one.

And then when that little girl we were just talking about who had been through so much on her birthday this past year, when she looked at us and said, thanks for celebrating my birthday, that made me want to cry. But it was also really warm because this child wasn't naturally tilted for gratitude and to say thank you.

Right. So what comes to my mind is that, honestly, moments where our bio kids were seen through the heart of foster care.

One specific moment that comes to my mind is we were sitting in the lobby of a children's shelter waiting to pick up a baby that was at a children's shelter, like an orphanage, because he had Covid.

During. COVID Yeah.

And we were sitting there and, gosh, Benny and lainey were probably 4 and 5 or 4 and 3 somewhere around there.

Yeah, they're. Yeah.

And they were just sitting there. We had our little baby carrier waiting for this little guy to come out to us.

And one of the workers walked by, and these workers are seeing the hardest of the hard. Right. Like, they're working in an orphanage. And, I mean, they call it a children's shelter, but that's what it is. Right.

And she comes out and she goes, these are your kids, aren't they? I said, yeah, they are. She goes, you're doing great. These kids are going to change the world.

And just her seeing them and her noticing that, like, how special their hearts were, that they were a part of this, that they drove with me to downtown India to pick up this baby that we could take care of. Right. And they saw that. Their excitement started about it. Yeah. They weren't like, oh, here we go again. Like, they were genuinely excited about it.

We would have 25 kids right now if it was up to, literally, if the kids made the decision, if we said yes or no to placements.

Yeah, we would. And then we'd have to stay up all night, all the time, forever and ever and ever and ever and never, ever get rid of diapers.

Like, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that right now we have three and a half kids in diapers. I just want to vomit.

We've been changing diapers for 12 years straight.

Yeah. But that. That came to mind. And then, honestly, I don't know why God put these on my heart. Because there's been so many special, like, foster care.

Warm memories, too, about foster kids.

But the other thing that came to mind is shopping at Walmart and I was with Laney and one of our foster kiddos, and this sweet old lady just saw Laney, and she saw her interacting, like, in the checkout line. It might have been with Leah as a Baby. It was like a little baby in the. The seat and the cart. And she watched Laney interacting with her.

And then she just stopped and she gave Laney cash and she said, I just want to give you this. You are such a good big sister.

There's just been really sweet moments that our kids have received such affirmation and validation from complete strangers that it's just so nice to be seen. And they do. They've made a lot of sacrifices over the years, and I don't think they've ever complained, even in the hard moments.

We've had conversations with them, but it's been genuine conversations. Right. Like, I don't think they've ever actually completed.

They don't. They were so young when we started this. They don't know any different now.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is a beautiful thing, and I'm really thankful for that.

And the way God has worked in their hearts already through foster care, the things they're going to do as adults.

Yeah.

Is going to be incredible.

Well, Laney's told me that she's not sure if she wants to have her own kids, but she wants to adopt. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

And then he just.

She's going to have.

Being a daddy.

She's going to have, like, 12 kids. Like, she's a mother has.

She's going to be a special needs teacher. I think she has a heart for kids with special needs.

Except her siblings.

Except her siblings.

Other than those.

So true.

Oh, she really loves Bray. Bray. Well, not. He's kind of annoying her now.

Not the current phase we're in.

The beauty without hard good is so much more shallow.

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Good. If everything is easy all the time and nothing's ever challenging it. Good. The good times aren't that good.

You can't appreciate the good times without the hard times. Right. You can't appreciate the sun without the rain.

The depth that foster care has built in all of us, spiritually and just emotionally, has been incredible. It's not. You can't teach this stuff in a Bible study in a small group. You have to do this stuff through. Walking it out in your life.

Right.

I mean, it doesn't have to be foster care, but foster care is one heck of a way to do it.

I mean. Yeah. There's many ways that people do it. Right. That they choose to sacrificially serve and grow, and it strengthens their faith.

Romans 12, 1. I share every opportunity I get. Our lives should be a living and holy sacrifice to God.

If you haven't yet found that way that God is asking you to make your life a living and holy sacrifice. Pray on that. Talk to people, find accountabilities, partners, find mentors. That's what he wants. That's what he wants from all of us.

Maybe now to shed some do the awareness portion of the program. People have indicated to us before they think foster care is this really unique calling upon our lives. And we challenge anybody that believes that.

We don't think that's accurate.

No.

Yes. We have a call that we were obedient to, but I don't think it's a unique call.

We all have a call.

It's similar to when I taught some middle schoolers on what the Bible teaches about foster care. Sharing the gospel, the Great Commission.

Yeah.

Some people have very unique gifts and skill sets to do that.

Right.

But they aren't the only ones called.

They're not the only ones responsible for that.

To do that.

Yeah.

Generosity, giving. Some people just live in a way that they get to be.

Outrageously generous.

Outrageously generous. They either make a lot of money or they have lived, learned how to live and become content frugally. But all of us are called to give.

Right.

And I will tell you, all of us are called to serve vulnerable kids, the orphan, the widow in their distress. Like James127 says.

Right. I think sometimes we think that we have to be ready or qualified to step into foster care. Right. Or something.

We thought that some kind of calling, but the truth is, and we've talked about this before, and it sounds so trite, yet it's so true, that God does not call the equipped. He equips those he calls. And I feel like that's something that said a lot, but it's true. You don't have to be equipped. First, he will equip you.

You step out in faith. You answered that call.

You have to walk in obedience.

Yes.

If God lays out all of the answers in front of you ahead of time, you're not being obedient. You're not being faithful. You're just.

Which is how we got our whole say yes until God says no. Right.

You dream small. You take one step at a time until God closes the door. You say yes until you hear a no.

Yeah. That's what I tell people all the time. Just pray that God makes it abundantly clear if this is a yes or this is a no. But don't.

You don't have to wait on it. He doesn't tell you to wait. He doesn't. He wants you to Act I. I believe that.

Yeah. He calls us to be the hands and feet of Jesus, not the thoughts and prayers of Jesus.

Right.

Don't get me wrong. Prayers are important.

Prayers are so important. The thought part, they're.

They're invaluable.

I never understand what that means. Sending you good thoughts.

It's people who aren't religious that I don't. I think it's stupid too, but I.

Always kind of giggle.

I'm like, you can be praying while you're being the hands and feet.

Yes, absolutely.

You can be praying while taking action.

Be the hands and feet and still figure out.

Take action. Yeah. You don't have to have the exact perfect answer to start doing something.

And there are just so many little things you can do to be the hands and feet. Right.

What are some examples? Great segue. Good job.

Well, I'm just thinking, like, go mow a family's yard.

Go. Yeah. Give people practical ways they can serve foster parents and foster kids.

Right.

And I would also challenge. We talk a lot about foster parents and foster kids. If bio parents are safe.

Yeah.

Go serve a bio parent.

They need support. They need community. That's our goal. We want to be able to wrap around bio families as much as possible so that they can be with their.

Children, so that kids don't get pulled into foster care.

Yes. If you can preserve a family, preserve that family.

And don't. We don't have to do. But what if, like, of course, we mean, if the mom and dad are safe for the kid, there's no abuse. Yes, of course.

And in our experience, most of the kids aren't pulled because of abuse.

It's neglect. And sometimes all that family needs is one or two willing people to step into their mess with them and say, I see you. You're not alone.

I'm going to help you break the cycle.

100.

Yeah. And I've said that multiple times with not so in the past. Bio parents of children that have been in our home.

If we had the capacity to take in their parents to our home and teach them how to be a parent and kind of be their parent too, we would if we had that space. If anyone wants to buy us, like a compound that we can do that.

Sometimes all it takes is loving adults sacrificing to the point of taking adults who were once kids in the system and loving them in a way that they have never been loved and taught. And that breaks the cycle for generations to come.

Back to foster parents. Some ways you can support your local foster parent. Take Them a meal.

That's such an easy thing, but pizza's like magic dust, you guys. Yeah. Taking a meal is so helpful, and people think, oh, it's just a meal. Like, it can't be that helpful.

Don't put the containers.

Explain why it's so helpful.

Well, I will. First, don't put the conditional just in front of anything you do. For a foster family, there is not just anything true. You are providing a meal.

That means the person who typically has to plan, prep, coordinate the meal gives. Has that time now to spend and invest in the kids differently.

Yeah.

Instead of, hey, guys, sorry we can't go to this kid's ball game tonight because I have to feed the rest of you. Oh, I can go watch this kid play ball tonight because I know Karen is bringing us pizza tonight. It's a huge cleanup.

It opens up availability and capacity to do more with the kids in the home or to do other things that an adult is called to do than feet. It is such a blessing.

Offer child care.

Offer to run a kid to an activity.

We have a woman from our church that every Saturday. I mean, okay, maybe she's missed two in the last six months because she, gosh, went on vacation or spent time with her family on a Saturday.

Home, and it is such a bless at that time. I mean, most weekends we can make it work to take her there, but that gives us so much time.

Leah gets to do what she loves, and we're both available to take care of the rest of the kids and get chores and errands and all the other things done right.

And Leah sees that this other person cares and has said, hey, kid, you're worth investing my time into. That should not be undersold.

Agreed.

I mean, I wouldn't. That's not in any way adjust. That's a big deal. What she does for us.

It's a huge sacrifice. It's a huge blessing. Yeah.

You can mow a foster family's yard.

Yeah. Plant flowers. No one has time to do that. Not in this season of life. Like, plant some pretty flowers outside for them or like hanging plants.

I don't know, things like, you know, little things that bring joy.

Put a boulder.

Boulder?

Yeah, a pretty boulder.

Benny actually wants boulders around our pool, like, really badly.

Of course he does.

I know, but yeah, I mean, there are unlimited.

Offer to clean the house, offer to clean the yard. Ask them Is there clean out their van? What? Yeah, everybody has the skill set of cleaning out a vehicle.

If you have another unique skill set, offer it to the foster family.

Think about your gifting and how you could lean into your giftings to bless someone else, whether it be a bio family, a foster family, a foster youth, a child aging out.

There are so many options out there, and I guarantee if you don't know where to start, you find someone in your church that's connected to foster care and the foster care world, and they will have plenty email options for you.

Go to ChatGPT, your favorite AI, whatever it is. Hey, AI, give me 20 ideas on how I can serve a foster family in my community.

I bet there'd be a lot of fun ideas that come up.

Yeah, tons.

I mean, give them money, you can give them movie tickets, you can offer respite, because I guarantee you that foster mom and that foster dad would love a night away with just their spouse.

Or just their bio kids. Honestly.

Or just. Yeah, leave the bio kids at home. We can go out.

We've done that multiple times, though. Not as much as we've wanted, but we've definitely, when we were able, intentionally taken just Benny and Laney to do things right.

And now Benny, Laney and Leah. So, yeah, they need it.

If by some weird chance this podcast has hit your ears and you're not really connected with foster care or adoption, you're not real sure how you got this podcast, start learning more. I would challenge you to start learning more.

Well, if you made it this far in this podcast, well done. If you fall into that bucket that Jason just said right before we wrap.

Up, can you do me and Whitney a favor? Wherever you're listening to us, could you follow our show?

If it's Apple, could you leave us a review, please and thank you and find somebody to share this with.

Or if you're on social media, just share our page or share.

Share an episode Post.

Share an episode. We would love for you to use your platform to help spread and maybe.

That's a way you could help spread awareness. In the month of May. I want to challenge everybody listening. Go out of your way to learn something about foster care.

Go out of your way to serve a foster kid. Go to your local DCS office or agency and say, how can I help? What do you need right now?

What a blessing those words can be to someone. It could literally change their day, their week.

Or here's car seats. Yeah, yeah, here's bags. Here's like luggage bags.

Here's toiletry items. Yeah, I love it. So many great ideas you guys. All right. I think that's a great time to end.

And Jason always laughs at me because I'm always really awkward when it comes to ending our podcast and yet he won't do it. So here we are again. So thank you for being here with us today. Thank you for listening.

We look forward to bringing you more ideas throughout Foster Care Awareness Month and I thank you for sharing. Until next time, keep Dreaming small.

Thank you for listening to the Dream Small Podcast. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, please tap that follow button and leave us a review. It helps other people find my mom and dad's show.

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