Feeling sexy an any size is a struggle for many, and yet body positivity has created an environment where “Victoria’s Secret” no longer dictates sexiness.  In this episode I am joined b Joani, a SHINE member, who shares her experiences around sexiness, confidence, comfort, and joy as she navigates the realities of life as it happens.  She shares that SHINE was a program that changed her intentionality, presence, and awareness with some real-life change and challenges. Joani also describes her experience of the SHINE community as a re-set, accountability, and special place for connection and support.  In the the end, she shares that SHINE isn’t really about weight loss because  “the best weight you’ll ever lose is between your ears.”

We also talk about:

-   Wearing what you want for YOU vs. another

-   Size/health/fitness myths

-   Accountability

-   Motivation versus momentum

-   The importance of “feeling” goals

-   Navigating the inner critic in various parts of life

-   Spreading love and light through acknowledging others

About the Guest:

Joani is spectacular soul!  As a married mother of two, working multiple jobs and in the beginning stages of building a business, she struggled to make time for herself, and part of that has included a battle with weight most of her life. She proudly owns her days, lives with intention, and is grateful that SHINE came into her life when it did.  When asked what the best part of 2022 was, she said, “Finding SHINE.  It changed my life.”

To join the program or learn more: www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf/shine

Talk to Tanya about SHINE tanya@perfectlyimperfect.wtf

Love yourself BRIGHT!

Xo Tanya

About the Host:

Tanya's mission is to create a legacy of self-love for women that reinforces trust in themselves through our programs, coaching, podcast, and book, The Trifecta of Joy! As Founder and creator of the Trifecta of Joy Philosophy, she combines over 30 years of research and work in various helping fields, to help you achieve your greatest successes!

Using her philosophy of the Trifecta of Joy, her mission is to empower people through their struggles with the elements of awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibe. This podcast is about sharing stories of imperfection moving through life to shift toward possibilities, purpose, and power in your life!

Having had many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families, Tanya is committed to offering you inspiration and empowerment – body, mind, and spirit!

As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.

Order your copy of the Trifecta of Joy – HELP yourself in a world of change right here.

Get in touch with Tanya and follow the fun and inspiration in other places too!

www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf 

https://www.facebook.com/PerfectlyImperfect.wtf

https://www.instagram.com/perfectlyimperfect.wtf

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-gill-695aa358/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCH9VaHVMPa-Vk0l4LTuc_lQ

https://www.tiktok.com/@perfectlyimperfect.wtf?lang=en

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Go ahead and SHINE!

Xo Tanya

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It is so special to me when I can have someone that is a client who's open to coming on to the trifecta, do a podcast, and just have a really awesome kind of reiteration of a conversation that we previously had about our bodies, and about feeling sexy. So my friends without further ado, I want to introduce you to Joani. Joani, thank you for being here.

Thanks, Tanya. I'm excited about this. This was totally fun. Things are happening.

You know what, and it's so cool. But let's get real about this. We were having a conversation and you said that you've been out shopping, and you had bought yourself some things.

Bought some sexy underwear,

you bought some sexy underwear. And you were so excited about it, and like it, and so we ended up having this conversation about like, how nice it is that there is sexy underwear available in every size in every shape and in every color. Instead of the and that's what I said, I'm like Victoria's Secret, right?

Yeah, I mean, I am openly honest about being a plus size woman and I shop predominantly because that's what's available in Lethbridge is up Pennington's and so yeah, Pennington's often doesn't have pretty underwear, it's your standard granny panty is and don't get me wrong, I love my granny panties, too. They're comfortable, and they're great.

There's a place there's a time and a place for a granny panty, nobody's gonna

be able to go in and find a matching bra and panty set that makes you just feel good about yourself. Whether you know, it's for yourself, maybe you're buying it to impress somebody else, maybe you don't know, just feel like sexy underwear. It's just nice to not have to go and not pay like an arm and a leg. It's like, I mean, I've found in like lingerie stores, but then you're paying like 60 bucks for a pair of panties. And it's like, yeah, no. Yeah.

Okay, let's be honest. How often do most women our age, wear matching bra and panty sets? Do you think?

Um, well, it's a good question. I only have a couple things that match. So like maybe two, three times a year, like maybe,

right. And what I know has, and this is having never been heavy chested, like so. So here's the thing, like, so you would probably consider yourself heavy chested. And when I was heavier, the challenge that I had was that I had a wide ribcage, but still in a cup. So I would go into like plus sized stores and try and get brought there and they look at me like I was insane. But then I go into a regular store. And they're like, oh, yeah, like, we don't go to that past 36 or 38. And I was just like, What the hell? Like, how hard is it to figure out but bodies and boobs come in different sizes?

And will want to wear different colored bras as opposed to black, beige and white?

Oh, my God was and that is the other thing, right? Like that, you know, for years, especially in the panty world. It was if you were, you know, a larger size woman, you were confined to that black, beige, and white. Yeah. And and I think the other thing, oh my god, okay. Let's be honest about bras too. Okay, because that's the other thing. I'm thinking about underwear, right. So, like now, everybody's, I think everybody's probably got their standard, like, a bra. Like I do. I think we all have kind of our standard base bras. And then we also have our go to bras. Right? Like, those are the ones that we wear throughout the week. Like some people wear fresh bra everyday, I will be one of those people who admit I do not wear a fresh bra every day. You don't. And then the idea that there are so many people who as soon as they get home, what do they want to do? Take off the bra. Take off the bra. Why? Three the girls just confining?

I mean, I actually so I had my first mammogram a couple weeks ago and I asked the tech I was like, Do you like are you able to like weigh the weight of one breast while you do this while you're squashing it and whatever and can you tell me how much one boob weighs? Because my shoulders ache, my back aches. I mean then you get like Then you have the choice of underwear or no underwear. And I'm like, Yeah, I am. Let's see what am I think I'm currently at 42 G is my bra size. So if you are one of those wonderful women that is able to stay in a single letter cup, that's amazing. But once you go past Double D, brows get to be like, super expensive, but like I straight up want to know, I'm like, how much just one way because I have dents in my shoulders, you know? And I'm you always do the I mean, because we're on Zoom. I'm like, trying to vision How do I explain that I'm trying to adjust my broadband but like you do it right, you're like, Oh, I'm a little uncomfortable. So you kind of pull the band a little lower, and then you snap it like I just did here like now, they weigh a lot. They pull on your neck, they depending on what shirt you buy, if it has buttons across, like right up the front. It's like, it fits everywhere, but not my breasts. And so now I'm gonna be gappy. So either

you're sewing it up, or you're pinning it, or you're leaving it at the store knowing that you'll never be fuckin comfortable in it. Yeah.

Yeah. 100%. But yeah, the man was like the tech at the radiology place was she thought that was amazing. She said, No one has ever asked me that. And I'm like, well, it was the first thing I thought because I'm going to have to, you know, well, let's, if you've ever had a mammogram, it's like, hey, get naked from the waist up, and I'm going to manhandle your breasts, and I'm going to put them here, put them there, squash, you don't breathe, hold it, and then they take a picture. Right? So it's a very procedure. Okay, and

so here's the interesting thing about mammograms, so the mammograms that you're describing, I also recently went for a mammogram, now, we are on Zoom. And so I, I'm actually gonna peek. Oh, I'm not, I'm wearing a slightly padded bra. And we can see that Tanya does not have a lot of breasts. And Tanya has never had a lot of breasts. So where they were, they take your flesh, and then like flop it on the glass pane. That's what they do is they grab what little tissue they can, and they grab what little tissue they can from this side of your, your, your ribcage, and they try and push it in there. Well, they're screwing down the thing. And I gotta tell you, if there was a picture that I wanted to take more than ever, I wanted to take a picture of my squashed tit. Okay. And it sounds crazy, but it was like, this is an experience like none other. It's, um, yeah.

And I think it's funny because when we talk the first time we talk about the Victoria's Secret, you know, and how their secret is that it's, it's a man in Ohio and I'm like, the mammogram was clearly created by a man as well, because if they had to do this with their scrotum, it would like it would happen once and they'd be like, Oh, hell no. Oh, hell now. Tested for like, like testicular cancer, they had to get squashed in a big glass. Like pancake machine. No, no.

Right. Okay, now the visual of that one is also like, that's a whole other.

Yeah, it's a whole other and, you know, maybe we've created a whole new torture system. I don't know, for men.

But you know, back to the, you know, the other thing though, is back to the underwear. The thing that we were talking like, Okay, this conversation is all over the place, and I love it. But back to the underwear thing. The Underwear thing is really interesting, because it has nothing to do with the size of the body in the underwear. It has everything to do with how that person feels in themselves. Yeah. And you were talking about how cute you like you were like, You were you were well,

I felt it was like I bought a cute pair of boys shorts. And they were kind of a Valentine's Day print. And it was like, I'm wearing them today. And I just felt good. And I was like, no one wants to know why I'm like, that's just a good day. You know? How are you doing today? Oh, it's great. Why? It's good day. I don't need to be like I have worn cute underwear. Doesn't matter. It just made me feel good. And then you know when you feel good, you you share your happy with other people.

That vibrating thing and then exactly. It's like sharing your light. It's like what we talked about, right? Like what we talked about in shine. Yes. It's really about loving yourself where you're at and like and doing the shit that feels good. Yeah, like wearing like wearing the Valentine panties and nobody needs to know.

Yeah. And I didn't buy them because I'm married and I wanted my husband to I want pretty panties for my husband to see me and yeah, that was very much a secondary. Whatever it was. I wanted cute underwear. I will buy myself sexy underwear for me. Because I like how I look at them. I like how I feel in them. I mean, that's the other thing is that thank goodness, they've gotten better about making sexy underwear comfortable. Because, yeah, I want to be able to put on a pair of sexy underwear and wear them all day and not just wear them for you know, 15 minutes before getting busy with somebody. And then I remember, actually just seconds, I remember when I was engaged, and we were doing laundry shopping. And my mom made the great joke of Oh, it doesn't matter how it fits, just, you know, drop it on the floor. That's how how does it look on the floor, that's how it has to fit right. Like, that's the point of wearing a sexy underwear is just to take it off. And I mean, 15 years ago, when I got married, there wasn't a lot of sexy lingerie for me to get and especially and it was what there was was not comfortable. So yeah, it was like wear it for like, Hi, honey. I'm wearing pretty things take it off and you know, go to bed. But no, I can do stuff and wear it if I want all night long.

And like thank God. So you know, you talk about the the your mom's that? Oh, you know, all you do is just meet me. There's there's there's pretty much right? Is that to me, that's really interesting, because when when I got married the first time which was all the way back in 1992. I happen to know that I weighed 275 pounds when I got married because I was obsessed about my weight. When I went lingerie shopping, I was met with zero options. So I ended up purchasing a shear night gown that didn't quite close around me. And that was my wedding night lingerie. And I'll be honest, I mean, did I feel sexy in it. At that time, I was totally consumed by the story that I could get no other lingerie to fit my body. So even on my wedding night, I felt that self consciousness and that kind of there's some deja for you, right? Like she had plenty to say. But fast forward, you know how you're talking about. It's not just about underwear that you like, it is also about comfort. It's about feeling sexy, and it's about being comfortable. And without disclosing too much of my own personal life. The truth is that, since my dad's disclosure, sometimes intimacy is difficult for me. And so it has to be quite intentional. And so as a result, a few nights ago, I decided to get really intentional. And I found this this really cute piece of lingerie that I actually had purchased for a boudoir session that I did that I never actually have done anything with the photos though. And so that's, that's a whole other thing. Because, you know, there's lots to be said about boudoir. And I think we could do a whole podcast about what boudoir is or what it's intended to be. But so I pulled this thing and I'm like, when I say thing I say that like it was nothing but basically blazoned string, it would very easily fit balled up in the palm of your hand. antastic right, so so this is my first time putting this thing on, because I didn't end up using it in the, in that boudoir session. But when I put it on initially, the first place that I wanted to focus on was the excess skin in this day, eggs and the the like, and all of a sudden, it was like, I caught myself. And I shifted. And I was like, You know what? I'm okay. Like, like, this is my body. And it's actually kind of cute. And like, my body's not going to change but the way it looks on me It's cute. And I own it and, and it was comfortable. So, so what's so funny about it, the whole thing about it is that I actually end up chose choosing to sleep in it that night because it was comfortable enough to sleep in. So that was interesting, too. But so funny, right? Like our relationships with our body at whatever size we are. It's really about like that comfort within and and rather than letting that inner critic own us we're like, and, and me do me. Yeah.

Well, I got so I mean because it was recently Christmas. I bought our family matching onesies, which was a lot of fun because I figured my husband because he loves me dearly. He's willing to go along with one of my crazy ideas. So I mean, my daughter, my son, my husband, I all got matching onesies. The fake butt flaps all say different things. But mine says I must be dreaming because there's moose and whatever on it. And I was putting it on because I was feeling like I just wanted some comfort and so I was like I still had like my bra and stuff on because I don't like going completely breathless all the time because I'm big breasted. I don't need them hanging solo. So I was wearing my bra. And I was doing up the zipper. And I stopped and I kind of look dumb, like, well, that's kind of a hot picture with a zipper half done my boobs and my in the bra, right? And I was like, I was like, Hey, honey, look at him. He's like, he goes, That's pretty sexy. I'm like, Oh, thanks. He's like, but the onesie in general. I just thought was sexy, too. And I was like, really? And he was like, Yeah, because we're cute, and you're comfortable. And I was like, Oh, and you know, like, it's he like, I yeah, like I said, We've been married for 15 years, and the ups and downs in our relationship. But it was just really sweet. And like this, like he's like, Well, it's totally just the ones in general is pretty sexy on you. And I'm like, Oh, wow. And I'm comfortable. And you know, and it's fun to match your kids. I mean, I find it fun to match my kids. So you know, I love that. I

love that. I saw lots of families do that. And we've done that in the past too. And it's it's fun to have the matching things and whatever. Again, though, like, thank goodness industry has gone far enough that they now have onesies that Dart in extra small, small, medium and large.

This was the first time I'd found a onesie that would fit me that I could match all my family because I mean, I mean, my youngest is four. And then there's me I just turned 40 and like to find matching pajamas that fit our family's diverse size. Like my son is 12. But he wears he got larger ones, even my husband because he's just tall and whatever.

Right. But to just be able to have all of that and then, but the magic is the magic is, is you Joani, right, like this sense of confidence that you have built in yourself, and that you have fostered in yourself like it's You My Love. Sexy is what someone's wearing for about two seconds, perhaps. But it is who's in it, how it's being worn and the energy of it. So you know what you took that onesie, gave it the half step, gave him a little bit of cleavage cleavage, like hello, hello, extra super sexy, you could have done the exact same thing and just been like, half dipped it and turn them in like moon, whatever. It wouldn't have been sexy. It's the energy of it, right? Yeah.

When I think too, like, one of the things that shine is definitely like you would set it to like, you caught yourself, right? Like you're hearing danger, and you caught yourself. And I think since doing shine, I am learning how to catch myself more. And so instead of like doing that spiral of doom into the negative inner voice, right, that's just like, oh, no, you're you know, you're too fat to be pretty, or, you know, whatever that inner critic has been like, she's a real bitch. And so, but learning how to hear it in the moment and go, Oh, no, and then carry on. Like, that's something that new to me in making sure like, I can apply that on all areas of my life, not just how I feel about my body, but being able to say, oh, no, I don't believe that. That phrase, whatever. What that saying, I don't believe that anymore. And like, that's the ability to recognize that has been a big change and shift to for me.

Yeah, and I know like that, like, we've had conversations about how the awareness and then really that changing your relationship with your inner critic has impacted so many different parts of your life. It's kind of incredible, right? Like, you joined shine, because you thought well, this might be a way to lose some more weight or and just kind of make sure that I'm staying on track like, like, let's go back to when you did start shine. What was your motivation initially,

um, I wanted to lose like 10 pounds was probably like, a scale thing, but I wanted to find like, the main things was like peace and calm, joy and motivation, which I shifted partway through the momentum. Because like, the motivators are not so well. But peace and calm and joy was what I wanted. I mean, I did pick up a number on the scale, I wanted to go like get to 250 Did I get there? No. Do I feel like shine hasn't met its goals? No, I think it's done like a bajillion times more than I ever expected. Did I hit my scale number? No, but I don't care.

What is so awesome is that it was peace and joy. And then you change the third one to be momentum motivated from motivation, right? Because we talked we've talked about motivation being something that is kind of like that kickstart where momentum is taking the little steps to keep going right. So peace and joy momentum, were your goals, and so in shine, if people choose to do a number goal there Welcome to, and there are tools to help create, like more conscious eating and pay attention to that stuff. But we focus on feeling goals. Yes. So it's been actually I know, I know how many days it's been, it's been approximately 92 days. So, like with those goals, really, how do you feel with about those having been your goals over the last 90 days? And what is that? What has that been for you was that broken? Like,

finding peace has been challenging, because it has been like 2022 was a year of, I guess, change transition challenges. And so finding like peace and calm, and that has been challenging, but the Thursday night, like when we get together as a group, that anchor, like I call like an anchor, because it's like, I know that I'm going to have that Thursday to be like, okay, and we're going to talk about whatever the universe spirit, whatever wants us to talk about, because that's what we do. And we just connect with each other. And that Thursday night, then, like, rejuvenates you for the following week. And so that's been amazing. And we do these sheets, in the morning, and in the evening, or once a day or whenever you get, but prioritizing that and to give myself me time with understanding that it might only be two minutes, it might be 10 minutes, it goes back and forth. But like finding, and taking time that suits me, and my schedule has been, that's been really helpful for the peace and calm part. Joy has been, I'd say, like, Joy has been something that I've been working on for most of my life, to be perfectly honest. But yeah, the connection with the women that are in shine, just it's like, as soon as I see a text from them, or a comment on the Facebook page or something, it's like, oh, that's my people. And it's, you know, it's just right away, like, Oh, I know them, that's who they are. This is you know, it's sacred. And so those have been really super valuable.

Thank you for that. It makes me want to cry. Because when I see the impact that has happened for for everyone in that group, and the mat growth, and then the community. While it feels like magic, sometimes we go in with a little bit of an agenda. And sometimes it's like, okay, who's got something gone going on that they need to talk through. And there's coaching, but there's space held, and there's just this beautiful community, and it's a community that's beyond description. It really is,

when it's the intention to be together and the intention to hold each other and light through whatever's going on. I mean, like, as a group, like, there's a lot of shit that's happened in our lives, like, I mean, 90 days, sounds really short. But

it's fluid. And we've had big things. We've had big things we've had. We've had massive health challenges, relationship challenges, home, like living challenges, like actually moving homes unexpectedly, like we've had people with big stuff. Yeah. And, and nobody is free of that. Unfortunately, we all have stuff going on. But that's totally true. Like, as, as we've moved through it, there's been a presence in it instead of I don't know what the option would be. Alternative is.

Yeah, there's like an intentionality and we extend each other grace when, because we haven't all been able to be at everyone, you know, we might have to catch up on a recording. But we, you know, someone has to come late. So it's like, oh, what's been going on? We'll kind of all popcorn in the how we've interpreted what's been happening. And yeah, this intentionality, there's a grace this community that I think as a world and as a culture, we're just, we crave that connection, and it's so hard to find it and so to, to be pulled together and like strangers. It's not like we knew each other beforehand, a couple people knew each other beforehand. But like, you put a whole bunch of strangers in a room and we're like, Hey, we're gonna be a community. It's like, oh, it probably took like, what? 10 minutes in the first one. I was like, okay, okay. And then it was like, I need to see you. I want to meet you. How do we do this? And yes, Strangers on a plane, train on Zoom strangers on Zoom, becoming friends.

It is pretty incredible. It is pretty incredible. I also love though, that, that you guys, and this is something that again, I set up the platform, I'm the support, I have the tools, but at the end of the day, it's you guys who show up for yourself and I'm not gonna say you do the work, because sometimes it's work and sometimes it's play But but one of the other things that you have to own is the way that you have been committed to your accountability, buddy. So I give you an option of having an accountability buddy, I kind of just strongly encourage you and say, Hey, here's your accountability, buddy. And the idea behind it is to check in with each other just daily really quickly. But I mean, for some people, it works really well. For others, you learn really quickly their own limitations and commitments to themselves, if they're not checking in with their buddy. Like, what's your experience been? Like?

We have, we're a funny group. So there's three of us in our accountability, grouping. And we kind of go in and say spurts and waves were like, load up, like, here's five days of sheets, because we've been crazy. We've got some shift work, though, which plays into it. But I think the part that's been solid is, when he posts put the sheets up, it'd be really easy just to be like, oh, yeah, there they are. But to go in and take a look and be like, Okay, so this happened and being able to be like, Hey, I saw that this happened on Tuesday. How are you doing? Or even? I don't know, last month, it was before Christmas. I don't even remember what it was. But I was we've been renovating our house. So I was super frustrated with something and just feeling the chaos was overwhelming me and I just message them. I'm like, okay, sheets haven't been done. I don't really want to do them. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. And right away. The answer came back. Well, how could What would you like it to look like and it's like, you know what? I'm gonna do my sheets tonight. If I don't text you by eight o'clock. Can you just text me and be like, hey, and it was great. So then I got a text at eight o'clock, it happened that I we ended up being invited over to my mother in law's for dinner. And so I replied back, I'm at the in laws will be home in like half an hour. And it was great, because it was just a Hey, you said I should text you at eight o'clock. I haven't seen anything. But it was enough to let someone out there sticking with me that me that I could go home, pull up my binder, sit down and write it and send it off. And it's just

can we be honest, Joani? Like, let's be really honest. Because one of the, like, one of I actually had a conversation with someone yesterday about it and and they were like, I hate the fucking sheets. And I'm like, Okay, hang on a second, though. Those sheets are so incredibly intentional. It's about keeping you focused on what matters most to you. It's about expressing gratitude and love to yourself, which by the way, is high vibration and Law of Attraction shit. So I have you doing a ton of law of attraction ship just by showing up for yourself every day. And let's be really, really honest. How long does it take to fill one? How long does it take to fill it out? For real?

If I am like, on task and like, I'm just gonna fill it out, it probably takes me max two minutes, maybe. Like it can be done probably 90 seconds. If I'm like, Okay, here's this, this, this and this. The longest part will be if I haven't been thinking about my meals, because there's a spot to write what you're gonna eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And so if I have leftovers or something, it's really easy. It'll take me like 90 seconds to two minutes. If I have to go, oh, I need to eat today and think about it, then maybe it takes me five minutes. Right. And then in the evening, the afternoon sheet probably takes me five to 10 minutes, because there's just a couple more thinking questions to be like, Hey, we're using any excuses. Why not? You know, and sometimes those if you're I think doing it, well are doing the sheets to the best of their intention. It'll take a little longer because you you've got some stuff to distill, like, maybe you had a really shitty day. And you need to figure out well, what am I grateful for today? That's like that I get to fucking go to bed right now like that, you know? And so sometimes you have to like, think hard about short answer, 90 seconds to two minutes to maximum 10 minutes. It's not long. And when I do them, my day is better when I don't do them. It's like, oh crap, I haven't thought about this or haven't thought about that.

It's about intention, right? It really is. It's about giving yourself two minutes of time to set yourself some intentions for the day and start a day with clarity and focus and a sense of control. And at the end of the day, it's an opportunity to reflect on the day that was and be like, whether it was shit, and I just want to go to bed. Yeah, or it was a day that was spectacular. To be able to honor yourself where you're at and be able to say hey, that was another day of my life. Yeah, like when you think about it, we don't have infinite days of our life. So to be able to take a couple of minutes for ourselves to be able to number one do some awesome Law of Attraction stuff. Number two, live intentionally and number three, celebrate and fucking enjoy. Be able to really If the good stuff in life, like, Oh my God, that's what it's about. Yeah. Right? So much. And it's about doing it in a way that builds trust with yourself, because you can write shit down and be full of crap. And then send off a beautiful plan and a beautiful everything, you can send off all these beautiful sheet pictures to an accountability, buddy. But at the end of the day, the most important person you're accountable to is you. So it's also about being honest. Which is why like when you are asked like your mood, and like describe your mood in a word and rate it, that's how you start by being really honest with yourself, like, how was your like, ok so yesterday? Do you remember what your number or word were was,

um, my number was like, in the morning, I would have been like a four in the afternoon. It probably was a two and then I finished the day around like, three, four, because we're starting to unpack and like arrange things in the kitchen. And so of course, my husband and I had this fantastic argument over Tupperware, because what else do you do? And I was like, and so if I had, if I'd done my sheet, like three o'clock, it was gonna be a two, or maybe a one. So I was just mad. But by the end of the day, it's like, you look back my overall, I think I put four because we got to eat at a table in our kitchen on the main floor and not at the table downstairs. I mean, obviously, your mood changes throughout the day. But then when you sit and look at the overarching day, the overall day, what's my mood, like? It's a four had some rough patches. And then you think about well, what's the best? What was the best thing that happened? I think Did you read my kitchen table?

Right? Yeah. And that's the funny thing, right? Like, we asked you questions like, what was the best thing? You know, what was the best part of your day? And what is something you learned? Because those are the questions we often ask our kids at the dining room table, right? But actually giving yourself the opportunity to celebrate like, holy shit, Joani, you got to eat at your table. At your, in your dining room in your actual dining room? Not in your basement. Yeah, like this has been a month long renovation. And that is we're celebrating.

Yeah, it was great. I was like, I had this I really wanted to cook in my kitchen. I was like, cooks up and I was like, No, we're ordering pizza because I'm so bad. I was so mentally exhausted. And I think too, like if I were to like distill, like, what I learned yesterday, that setting up a kitchen is so mentally exhausting. That like you just don't think organization should be that exhausting. But it really is. Yeah.

Yeah. And so those are things that you learn along the way. And that that's the kind of stuff like shine is really about learning so many things about yourself along the way of real life, including those ups and downs throughout the day with all the numbers like I mean, I remember one time I filled it out, and I circled 12345 Because I was like, I've been all of those today. And I can't pick one. But it's mine. So who cares? Like, you know, it's so funny, right? At the end of the day. We really have one life to live. We don't know what when it's going to end. And it's like, how can I live with the most love and joy and intention? And feeling really good about myself? And that's what I like feel like shine has brought for you guys.

Yeah, and I like it. It's funny, cuz I was thinking we started out talking about like sexy underwear. And then like, we're now like, the light and stuff. And I mean, body positivity isn't what shines about weight loss isn't what shines about. It's like, I don't know, it's hard to distill it into like something but it's all these things working together. To. It's almost like it's a weight loss program for your brain.

Right? Yeah. The hardest weight you'll ever lose is the weight between your ears.

Yeah. And so how about did I reach the number goal? No, have I worked on that weight between my ears that I've been back and forth? Yeah. You know, like, it's

how do you feel sexy in your new skivvies.

I was thinking to like how much body positivity is related to, like the stream of consciousness or like the people around you, right? Like, kids don't look at someone and think, Oh, you're fat. But they start to hear a comment here or here, comment there? And I remember, oh, gosh, Caden is 12. So like, 989 years ago. We were at a playgroup thing. And I was sitting there, I was heavier than I am now. And this little kid was like, How come you're so big? And I could just see the mom look mortified? And I looked at him and I was like, Well, what do you mean? And he goes, Well, you're so much bigger. And I said, Well, I, you know, when adults sit on these little kid chairs, it really looks funny, doesn't it? And I could see the mumbling Oh, my gosh, I can't believe my kids said this. In my head. I'm going, he's repeating you. Like 100%, a little four year old is not going to think about it unless he's heard it. And he's like, No, he made some comment. And I was like, Well, do you know, why do you have eyelashes? And he's like, I don't know. No. I was like, yeah, so I'm like, I'm bigger. I, you know, I just am, this is who I am. And it doesn't, it's not who I am. It's just like, I'm not gonna be like, hey, eyelashes, what's up with you? He's like, Oh, yeah. Cool. And it's perspective. Right? Like, I mean, do I? Am I kind of happy? His mom was mortified. Yeah, a little bit, because I hope it made her think about what she's saying in front of her kids. And I, I remember

makes me wonder about her own relationship with herself. I mean, it. Honestly it does it. There's a part of me that goes, Oh, my God, like, what is this woman's relationship with herself? Is that, like, what kinds of conversations does she have? Externally because of the conversations she has internally? Yeah.

And I think around the same time, I was at, save on, and there was this, this woman who Yeah, like myself was a big woman. And my son made some comment. Wow, she's really big. And I said, Yeah, what do you think of her shirt, because it happened to be hot pink, and he goes, Oh, I love that color. And I made sure that I use the same volume that he had used. So like, I know, I saw her. He, She he made the comment, and I saw her just kind of go, like, you know, that like, pull into myself. And I'm gonna try and hide even though I'm a big person, I make myself as small and as invisible as I can be. And I just very perfectly in the same voice and like sound as him. I was like, Yeah, what do you think of her shirt? I love that color pink. And like, immediately, like her shoulders like had gone in and she just came? Oh, and how often do we like hush our kids, right when they make some? Because yeah, kids will make observations because he happened to notice her in a pink shirt. She was bigger. But how often we just kinda like, Oh, she don't see that. And it's like, well, no, you can observe life. But take the time to also shed light and positivity back. And because I'm a bigger person, and I've been the object of uh, oh, you know, I see it. And I've tried to make it learning things for my kids to be like, hey, what else? Like what else do you observe? What else do you see about that person that we can observe? You

know, though, and this is an interesting thing. Like I. I mean, I always talk about love spreading love, and light, and how I really feel like it's important to spread love and light. And one of the things that I noticed, with my own experience was that people were more complimentary to people who were smaller. And so I always was very intentional and still am very intentional in making sure that if I see something beautiful on or someone with great hair, makeup, lashes, nails. I mean, there's like, there are people out there, I don't even know how much how many hours they must spend doing their eyes because they are they were art on their faces. Like, when I see that kind of beauty in anyone of any size, or something that I authentically feel is beautiful. I'm, I'm always certain to express it. Yeah. What I've noticed in it is that when I expressed that often to someone who is a little bit larger, or heavier, I hate the word heavy, larger, whatever, who, who's probably just perfectly normal, but has excess body volume. I see the difference in the way they react. It fucking lights them up. Because a lot of people, I think that struggle with body positivity and body comfort also don't receive a lot of genuine, authentic compliments. They're not seen as much

when it's like we've been trained to try and make yourself small. If you take up a large physical space, you need to have a small personality or you need to, you know, don't pay attention to yourself because you're already using up the amount of space that you can have, it's ridiculous. I mean, I, when I look at there's some amazing people on social media who I look at them and go holy crap. I mean, you are like unfreaking believable with what the audience can do. And I'm like, Ah, let alone if they were.

Okay, my favorite Lizzo I'm sorry, but she is like, beyond the hottest. Like, she's beyond hot. And she's clearly incredibly fit, because she has a static, right? And she doesn't just have to run around the stage you have to fucking sing. Like she's.

And like, I like I look awful after like, half an hour walking and I like I sweat from my head first and I'm hot and whatever, let alone singing, dancing,

and sporting some crazy ass wig. Right? Like the other thing like she has the amazing hair pieces, right? Like, spectacular. But don't tell me like this is the thing. It's like the shape and the size of your body is is not the definition of your life or your worth. Or are your health

just like, let me tell you the number of doctors who like the first words every month. Well, if you lost 50 pounds, no shit Sherlock I shot I had no idea that I would be considered fat. That is newsflash to me, like come on domain time. It's like, oh, well, you know, you wouldn't have that issue. And then it's like, they get my blood test results back like oh, like, yeah, I've never had high cholesterol. Thanks.

Yeah, yeah. And sometimes, unfortunately, there are presumptions made about people health, based on their weight. And you know, at the end of the day, it really is about deciding where you're at in your life right now. And making the changes to live your best life. And if that means becoming more active, doing things you love, and nourishing yourself with more intention, but never fucking dieting another day of your life. Then that to me, is the ultimate fucking win. Yeah.

Yeah. Cuz like, it's not like in Shine, you're going and donate this and donate this and donate this. It's like, um, if you eat it, if you want to eat it, eat it. Think about it. And you know, and when we were five for crochets, every single day post Christmas, yeah, yeah, I did, because they're my favorite. And I love them. And I enjoyed them. Will I do that all year long? Eat five? No, no, I won't. And so I don't need to feel bad that I ate five of them three days in a row. I don't.

Right. And, and historically, historically, I can only speak for myself. There used to be a time where I believed that, that there were foods that were bad. And therefore they were foods that had to be hidden, or they had to be sneaky eaten, or I couldn't enjoy them. I had to just scarf them down.

Yeah. And they look, nobody sees right, inhale it.

So nobody seeds. And at the end of the day, it's like, no, it's allowing yourself in trusting yourself enough to be able to have the things that you want in volumes that are reasonable and understanding the choices you're making. Because they're choices that you've been intentional about. Yeah. Right. I plan for chocolate every single day. I don't have it every single day. But I plan for chocolate every day. Because I want that as an option. And I trust myself enough to say that I'm going to stick to a plan that I make that is honest and authentic. And so I plan for chocolate. And then sometimes I haven't sometimes I don't. But I know more often than not, I would rather plan for it, and then have it and be like, hey, this was part of my plan. No big deal. Rather than Oh, and I planned for it, and then I didn't have it and then it anyway, because you just get into some weird cycles of beating the shit out of yourself. And that is not the way of shine. Period. Right? Okay, now this conversation My friend has gone in like so many incredible directions. And I love if we were to like summarize it. It's been a conversation about real life in real bodies, doing real things. Yeah. And becoming intentional and having a great fucking time doing it. Right, like that's the joy part. The joy part is wearing the sexy underwear. The joy part is the onesie with the zipper. Right? The joy part is spreading love and light by giving a compliment to someone different or just authentically giving a compliment period.

Right? Straight up even smiling at somebody can change your day. Right? I love that. Because like when you drive down, like I drive the highway to work every day. And we I think everyone does it, it's like, as you pass somebody always kind of glance over it. And yeah, there's, like, of people that are just like, in their car. And I definitely know, there's days where I'm just in my car, like I can't just not. But every now and again, I glanced over and I'm able just to give a little smile a little whatever. And, you know, even in that, like microsecond that you see them. It's like, oh, I just got a smile. And I don't know, you wait, what, and then they're like smiling anyways.

And if it's if it's the little ignitions, and spreading of love and light, right. And then there are bigger opportunities to do it. Like when, when we connect as groups when we you know, and, and when we have those larger opportunities to spread love and light when we connect with the people we love or when we connect and shine, or when we connect in community, or when we connect in faith. But it doesn't have to always just be the big connections. It can also be the smile through the window as you're passing somebody who's clearly driving too slowly down the road.

Have a bit of a heavy foot and just saying you know what?

No judgment on my part and then whatsoever. Okay, my trifecta of joy, friends and listeners and people we love. Thank you for listening to this super cool conversation. Joanie, thank you for having just such a really authentic, fun conversation with us today. I am so grateful you're here and like, maybe we'll have you on again just to talk about life.

Cool. No, it was fun. I've never been on a podcast before. So thanks, Tanya, for something totally new.