Let’s dive into the juicy stuff! We’re chatting about the habits that keep couples close because, let’s face it, life can turn our loveboats into driftwood if we're not careful. You know, it’s all too easy to get wrapped up in the daily grind, feeling physically close but emotionally miles apart. But don’t worry, we’ve got some golden nuggets to help you reconnect and rebuild that spark! We’ll explore why emotional drift happens and how you can whip up some intentional habits to bring back that friendship vibe. So grab your favorite drink, kick back, and let’s get into how to strengthen those ties and make your marriage the best it can be! Navigating the ups and downs of marriage can feel like trying to ride a roller coaster blindfolded. One minute you’re soaring, the next you’re plummeting into the depths of emotional disconnect. Jeff and Teresa dive right into the nitty-gritty of why couples often find themselves drifting apart, and let’s be real, it usually doesn’t happen overnight. They break down how monotony, busy schedules, and the daily grind can sneakily chip away at that spark. It’s not just about sharing a roof or a Netflix account; it’s about maintaining a genuine friendship that keeps the emotional connection alive. They encourage us to get back to those little things that matter—eye contact, laughter, and simple conversations. It’s about redeeming moments and making a conscious effort to reconnect, one small habit at a time. So if you find yourself feeling more like roommates than soulmates, this episode serves up hope and practical advice to reignite that flame.

Takeaways:

• Couples often drift apart slowly, and it’s crucial to recognize the signs early to reconnect intentionally.
• Emotional drift happens quietly over time; without nurturing, relationships can feel more like a business partnership than a romance.
• Small daily habits can make a huge difference in maintaining closeness and connection in a marriage.
• Intentionality in relationships is key; strong marriages are built through consistent, loving actions rather than big romantic gestures.
• Friendship is the foundation of a strong marriage, so prioritize it over the stresses of life.
• Don’t underestimate the power of simple moments together—like eye contact and laughter—to reinforce your emotional bond.

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Welcome to Inspiring Marriages.

We're Jeff and Teresa Fields, and we are so thankful to have each and every one of you listening to us today.

This week, Teresa, we're talking about something that affects almost every Christian marriage at some point.

This is how couples slowly drift apart emotionally and how to intentionally rebuild connection and friendship again.

And honestly, this is one of the most important conversations we can have because many couples still love each other but no longer feel deeply connected.

That's right.

You may live in the same house, you raise children together, you go to church together.

You even handle responsibilities together.

But somewhere along the way, the friendship has weakened, your emotional connection has faded.

And many times it did not happen because of one major crisis.

It happened slowly, quietly, and little by little over time.

And this is what we're going to be talking about today.

We want to help couples understand why drift happens, how connections get lost, and how intentional habits can help rebuild closeness again.

And we want everyone to know this.

If your marriage feels distant right now, there is hope.

You are not powerless against drift.

Strong marriages are built intentionally, one redeemed moment at a time.

Our mission here at Inspiring Marriages is to help couples strengthen their friendship, grow spiritually together, and to experience the marriage that God has designed for them.

And one of the things we've Learned, Teresa, over 34 years of marriage is that relationships naturally move towards neglect if they're not nurtured intentionally.

Yes.

That's so powerful.

And no one plans to drift apart emotionally.

No.

You know what?

No one wakes up one day and says, you know what?

This is slowly becoming emotionally disconnected over the next 10 years.

That's not how it happens.

Usually it's much quieter than that.

Teresa, that's so true.

What some of the causes of that?

Everyone's life gets pretty busy.

You get schedules full of things for your kids, things going on with your jobs, activities you might have in clubs or sports or your church.

And children need attention.

They really do.

You have to pay attention to your kids and make sure everything is done for them that they need.

So it's like your schedules are so full that when do you have time for marriage and building your marriage?

And people get exhausted, too, we know, from jobs.

And most people are both working in their marriage and they're getting exhausted trying to do jobs at work and then come home and take care of all the jobs that need to be done there.

That's a lot.

And those who are serving in the church or they may even have their own ministry, that can take a lot of time.

Yes, it can come very Demanding and the stress increases and the energy decreases.

And gradually couples stop truly connecting.

Not because you stop caring, because intentional connection slowly gets replaced by the routine.

And we really believe that many couples, they are busy but disconnected.

We're physically together but emotionally distanced.

And that emotional distance usually develops through small neglected moments over long periods of time.

And we talked a lot about this in our ministry.

Because emotional drift is often subtle.

Yes, it is.

I love what you said about those neglected moments.

If we're missing moments where we could be connecting and we're not going to realize that it's happening, it sometimes you.

Couple couples, we don't even recognize them immediately.

Right.

We don't even recognize it when it's happening.

We just feel less emotionally safe, less known, less pursued, less connected.

Our conversations drift into the functional talk about schedules and logistics instead of relational.

Exactly.

And that's when a relationship starts revolving around responsibilities instead of what it should be revolving around, which is your friendship.

And eventually couples can begin feeling more.

They feel like more like roommates than best friends.

And honestly, we understand how easily that can happen.

There were seasons, their own marriage, when life was incredibly full, busy, ministering seasons.

It seemed like there's some periods of the year which is non stop.

Yeah, non stop.

Non stop.

This and that.

It's long days, stressful seasons and time.

We really were exhausted.

Oh, yes.

And there were moments when we realized we were spending time together, but we really weren't connecting.

That's right.

And that's an important distinction because proximity is not the same thing as intimacy.

You can be next to somebody but not emotionally connected to them.

That's right, Teresa.

Oh, that's so true.

Yes.

So oftentimes we're sitting in the same room or maybe on the couch beside each other, but if we're both scrolling on our phones, we're not really talking.

We might be.

Hey, look at this.

Real.

Hey, so and so posted that today.

But that's not really talking about us and our relationship and things that we need to be sharing that will connect us emotionally.

So that's technically spending time together, but not really connecting.

And this really goes back to what we've been talking about, redeeming the time.

Because there is a difference between time that passes and time that's being redeemed.

Yeah, like you said, we spent two hours together distracted and disconnected.

Or we could spend those same two hours intentionally connecting, making moments, making memories, talking, praying, laughing together, listening, sharing feelings, asking questions of each other.

Dream together.

Yes, I like that.

Don't ever stop dreaming.

Together now, this is how these moments become meaningful.

That's how you time is being redeemed.

That's how you redeem time.

Yes.

I think that's just a new.

What do you call it?

Concept for a lot of people.

They don't realize that their time can be redeemed.

It's amazing.

And that's one of the greatest dangers in marriage.

Right.

Allowing life becomes so rushed and distracted that meaningful connection slowly disappears.

Yes.

I think it's very common.

One of the scriptures, if we become back time and time again in this series is Ephesians 5, 15, and 16, where it tells us to walk carefully.

Oh, yeah.

As the wise, not the unwise, making the most every moment, or redeem the time because the days are evil.

That scripture is not just about productivity.

It's about intentional living.

Intentional relationships.

Intentional.

Intentional connection.

Intentional priorities.

And we believe marriages become healthier when couples stop assuming connection will happen automatically.

That's right.

That's right.

Nothing really happens automatically when it's something valuable in a relationship, does it?

Marriages are not sustained accidentally.

They're only sustained intentionally.

And this leads us to another important part of our conversation.

Daily habits.

Many people think strong marriages are built primarily through huge romantic moments.

Those moments are important, but the vast majority of your life is not those big, giant romantic moments.

That's right.

Most healthy marriages are built too small.

Daily choices repeated consistently over time.

Because little moments matter.

Small habits matter.

Simple connection matters.

Yeah.

Eye contact matters.

That's right.

Shared laughter matters.

Gentle conversation matter.

Prayer matters.

Kindness matters.

Patience matters.

What?

One of the greatest things a couple can do is learn how to create rhythms of connection.

Again, that's not just existing together, but we are reconnecting intentionally.

Yes.

So it's like anything you need to be intentional about.

You've got to decide what you're going to do that will help you be connected and stay connected and turn those into habits.

Daily five minutes of conversation or looking into each other's eyes when you're talking and stopping what you're doing, putting down the phones, those things really make a huge difference.

They might seem small, but if that starts to become more of your habit than just ignoring each other or existing in the same place and not connecting, then you're going to see some change happening.

That is so good.

Now, these habits, Teresa, let's talk about these habits.

Now, these habits don't have to be complicated, do they?

No.

No, they don't.

That's what's so great about it.

Something sometimes is simply looking at your spouse, holding their Hands looking through their eyes and saying, how's your heart today?

That's right.

Yes.

And it's.

Sometimes it's sitting together without screens.

Sometimes it's praying together before bed.

Sometimes it's just laughing again.

That's right.

Sometimes it's choosing curiosity again.

Sometimes it's simply slowing down long enough to really see each other.

Make time for games.

Make time for just enjoyable parts of your life.

That's right.

Even if you want to play a game of, I don't know, you know, Uno, you can learn a lot about your spouse.

That's so true.

And you just have fun and just enjoy it and get out the old board games and start playing some board games.

Play Operation or Sorry or Trouble or Shoot some Ladders.

I don't care.

Maybe not Monopoly.

That takes forever to play that game.

Maybe not Risk or Monopoly could take a long time, but do stuff that's fun and makes you laugh.

And that's how we used to connect in our families and growing up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Think about the time when you were dating.

Think about those days.

Just take the time.

Just remember those days and how much effort you went into planning a date.

Now, guys, you probably picked out the restaurant and called ahead.

Called ahead.

Or you might have had a picked out suit or some nice clothes.

You probably pick some nice clothes out, not just some radial grape sweatpants.

No.

And ladies, you probably spent some time thinking about what outfit you were going to wear, what kind of earrings you were going to wear, what kind of necklace, what kind of bracelet, what shoes you were going to wear.

You thought about all those things and you planned that out.

That's right.

And.

And then some.

Somehow in marriage, our spouse gets what's left over.

You get whatever I haven't spent.

You get the emotion, whatever emotion.

Emotional energy I have that I haven't spent already today.

You get whatever energy I have.

That's all.

You get whatever's left over, what's ever left over.

And your spouse and you and your marriage deserve better.

Mm.

Your spouse deserves the best part of you, and you deserve the best part of your spouse.

It goes both ways.

That's right.

And we learned over the years that emotional closeness usually grows through consistency rather than intensity.

That's so true.

Small moments repeated consistently become powerful over time.

That's right.

That's right.

And we want to tell you something very true.

Friendship is one of the most overlooked parts of marriage today because so many couples, you're focusing on parenting, you're focused on surviving stress.

Your focus on handling responsibilities, your focus on paying the bills and you're focused on managing your schedules.

Yeah.

And friendship just takes a backseat to all of that.

Right.

And what happens is friendship quietly weakens underneath it all.

Now you have seen pictures of erosion and you've seen pictures of washed out roads and washed out bridges.

And you know how ugly it looks.

Yes.

How ugly makes, how ugly the landscape looks after there's been erosion.

Yes.

It does a lot of damage.

So when erosion happens under a, under a highway or a road, it becomes weakened and eventually somebody driving over it, it's going to cause it to cave in.

Yeah, caves in for real.

Where you lose your foundation of friendship, your marriage becomes weakened, and then when the distress comes and the storms come.

Just put it in the biblical way, but Bible tells us about storms and when the storm comes, Jesus told us about this, right?

Matthew, chapter seven.

He talks about the wise men who built his house upon the rock and the foolish man who built his house upon the sand.

Wise man who was one who heard and did the foolish man just heard.

So when you take the time to build your friendship, even when the storms come, your road is strong.

That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

When the storms come, your friendship will endure the storms without your marriage suffering from whatever the adversity is that you're going through, Whatever the disappointment or the struggle or the hardship that may happen, it comes to all of us.

But the friendship sees you through that.

It's just amazing what strength you have.

When you have developed that friendship and maintained that friendship, then romance is not going to help you in a time of disaster or distress.

It's just not going to be there.

So you've got to have that friendship that, that is like, this is the person who's going to stick with me through thick and thin and I'm going to stick with them through thick and thin.

We're not going anywhere.

And you can be determined to go through it together and see it come out well, not harming your marriage in any way.

That's the beautiful part about it, because.

Friendship is so foundational to long term closeness.

And one else.

One.

One of the healthiest things that a husband and wife can say is.

We.

I know the I doesn't make sense.

We.

Yeah, genuinely one of the healthiest things a husband and wife can say is we generally enjoy being together.

Not just functioning well together, which is important, but enjoying each other.

Because this matters spiritually.

Yeah.

This matters emotionally, this matters relationally.

And we believe fun is actually important in marriage.

That's Right.

Laughing together matters.

Creating memories matters.

Yes.

Shared experiences matter.

Friendship matters.

We often tell couples, don't stop learning your spouse.

That's right.

Please continue going through every season of life and.

And healthy marriages continue to stay curious about each other.

That's right.

So let me ask.

Let's ask you this question.

Think about your whole married life.

Is there one thing about your.

Your friendship that you miss?

Oh, I remember we used to do this.

Or I remember we do.

We used to have the best time when we go to this place.

Yeah.

Ms.

Doing that with you.

Yes.

Talk about those things.

So.

And healthy marriage, like we just said, healthy marriages, you stay curious about each other.

So if I would ask you this question, would you be able to answer this about your spouse today?

What encourages your spouse?

Do you know that answer today?

What burdens them?

What are they going through?

What are they dealing with?

Do you know that?

Have you talked about that?

What are their dreams?

What are your spouse's dreams?

You need to talk about those things and you need to ask them.

You guys gotta discuss this.

What are they carrying emotionally?

Do you know all this?

These things?

And do you know what brings them joy now?

Now you may know all these answers back when you were dating because you spent a lot of time together.

You talked a lot.

Talked a lot, talked a.

That's one of the great benefits of dating and telephones.

You can just talk, talk, talk for hours.

And you knew things like this.

Do you know them now?

What brings your spouse joy now?

Yes.

These type of conversations, they create emotional intimacy, don't they, Teresa?

Yes.

That's so excellent.

I hope people are taking notes because that's really good.

You might want to back this up and listen to those questions again because it does change over the years, doesn't it, Jeff?

What really moves us?

What really gives us joy, what really has caused us pain or we're carrying something that we needed to let go, needed to turn that over to the Lord.

Exactly right.

Teresa and I are not the same people we were 34 years ago.

We just aren't.

We have matured and we've.

We've grown a lot since then.

But these answers are different today.

Oh, definitely.

Than they were 34 years ago.

So true.

And then if you're looking for conversation starters on your next date, which it could be in your living room, these are great conversation starters.

And it's okay if they may not even know the answer.

You might ask them, what are you dreaming about?

Right.

What are you talking about?

I'm just trying to get through Today, right?

Dreams are important.

Dreams are very important.

Marriage is not the land where your dreams go to die.

Yes, yes.

That's so good.

That is so true.

A really wise person said that one time and.

But these emotional intimacy, when you strengthen your emotional intimacy, you will strengthen your friendship.

That is so good.

So, Teresa, we also believe that emotional safety is incredibly important.

If couples do not feel emotionally safe with each other, friendship weakens.

Your spouse has to be feel like they can come with you with anything, any concern, any thought, any belief, any dream and not be dismissed.

Or you're thinking like a woman, or you're just being emotional.

That's silly.

Why would anybody ever dream about that?

Exactly.

Why are you talking about.

It's just they need to be able to come to you and be honest with you without the fear of those things happening, Teresa.

Yes, yes.

Because it will shut down conversation.

It will actually shut down your spouse from sharing much of anything if they get answers like that.

Like, I can't believe you want to do that.

I can't believe that's important to you.

You should listen because apparently if they want to tell you it is important, it's something they've been thinking about, might be something very emotional to them or very deeply important.

It could have been something they've dreamed of their whole life.

You don't know until you let them share those things.

So we don't want to our spouse to stop opening up to us and stop bringing things to us.

That's very sad situation.

You have to be able to.

To be honest with each other.

If you don't like something your spouse is doing.

This, this really bothers me.

I don't like the way you do this.

Or if you don't call me before you come home, I don't.

I'm not able to prepare for you when you get here.

Just little things like that.

You have to talk about these things.

So if you stop feeling safe, what's going to happen is you're going to shut down.

You can become defensive, you become disconnected.

Yes, but healthy marriages create room for honesty without fear.

Yes, exactly.

It doesn't mean you both have to be perfect.

No.

And just because say I come to Teresa with a concern and maybe it is not a mature concern.

Maybe it.

And.

But she can help me through that and not make me feel silly or dumb, but just help me get through whatever feeling I have or whatever concern I have.

Help me work through it.

Pray with me, apply grace towards me.

That's right.

I have mercy towards me, patience, gentleness.

Yes.

Self control.

I know.

Self control exactly is listening.

When your spouse comes to you, try listening rather than reacting.

That's so good.

Yes.

And one thing we've learned over the years is that people open up more when they feel safe instead of criticized.

Oh, yes.

So true.

And then emotional safety becomes one of the strongest protectors of friendship.

Yes.

And this is going to take some time.

If you're not used to sharing your emotions like a lot of men are not used to talking about, this made me afraid, or I was anxious or concerned about this, or this made me angry.

Some men don't want to talk about emotional things, but they need to know if they're going to come to you.

Wives, you might just want to say, honey, if something ever bothers you, if you're upset about something, you can talk to me.

I'm not going to just go off the deep end or get upset about.

I'm going to listen and let you express that to me because it's important.

You got to be able to share that with your own spouse so you know you can let your husbands know it's okay.

I'm not going to think you're a weak man just because you have an emotion about something.

Now.

Maybe you're listening to our podcast today and you're feeling a little discouraged.

Maybe your marriage is already feeling distant.

Maybe the friendship is feeling weaker than it once did.

Maybe you love each other, but emotionally things just feel tired.

We want to encourage you today because it is not too late to reconnect.

Do not believe the lie that emotional drift has become permanent.

Distance.

Friendship can be rebuilt intentionally.

And marriages all over the world are rebuilding their marriages intentionally today because connection can grow again, joy can return again, and restoration begins through very small, intentional moments.

Teresa.

Yes.

That's so good.

Just decide to have one conversation a day or choose one evening in the week that you can just sit together or talk together with no distractions.

It might be your dinner time.

It might be when you go on a date.

No phones, things like that.

Decide to have prayer.

Just one prayer on a regular basis can do so much for your marriage.

And showing acts of kindness.

Each of you decide you're going to show an act of kindness for the other.

You may not tell each other what it is, but that just goes for a long way.

When you start doing something for your spouse that they didn't even ask you to do or didn't expect, it just makes a person feel so loved and cared for, and that really deepens your friendship.

It's so beautiful.

And you can have one honest discussion.

Jeff was saying, being able to talk about your feelings and knowing you can come to each other and you won't be criticized, you won't be made to feel insignificant or silly about it.

But one honest discussion.

Okay, we're going to agree not to react to what each other says.

And so we can talk this out calmly, whatever it is, finances or something going on with the kids or just something in your marriage that you need to talk about and work out together.

Because there's always things in your marriage you can talk about.

And it just removes so much misunderstanding, just clearing the air and talking about.

It's amazing what a difference that makes.

That is so true, Teresa.

Because these small redeemed moments become powerful over time.

And honestly, what we notice is some couples are waiting for some huge emotional feeling to hit them before they take action.

Oh, my.

But really healthy marriages work the opposite way, right?

Intentional actions frequency help restore the emotional closeness.

That's right.

Sometimes couples reconnect emotionally because they started reconnecting intentionally first.

That's exactly right.

And we also want to encourage your couple, Christian couples, not to panic when the seasons become difficult.

Every marriage goes through seasons.

Some seasons feel lighter, some seasons feel heavier.

Some seasons are full of energy, some seasons are exhausting.

But difficult seasons do not automatically mean your marriage is failing.

Sometimes they just reveal the need for intentional reconnection.

And honestly, many couples, you're not broken.

You're just simply disconnected.

You're too busy, you're too distracted.

You're too emotionally tired.

And that's why slowing down matters.

That's why redeeming time matters.

And that is why friendship matters.

Friendship is the key.

It really is.

So we're about to close today.

I just want to thank everyone for tuning in, but we want to encourage you with this thought.

You may not be able to change the past, but you can begin redeeming the time today.

You can begin rebuilding connection.

You can begin protecting your friendship.

You can begin creating healthier habits.

And those small choices matter more than you realize.

Strong marriages are not built through perfection.

They are built through intentionality.

One redeemed moment at a time.

Thank you so much for joining us today on Inspiring Marriages.

You can find us over on YouTube.

Search for the Inspiring Marriages podcast and you can see a lot of videos dealing with the same subject.

And if this episode encouraged you today, anyway, please share it with another couple who may need it and also download our free resource From Lonely to Best Friends again.

Yes.

And if you go to our YouTube channel, you can find a link in one of our videos.

You find a link to From Lonely to Best Friends Again, which is a seven day devotional with practical steps.

I'll take you from where you are to Best friends Again.

And remember God, God designed husband and.

Wife to be friends for life.

We love you, we pray for you.

We're so appreciative of you.

And we'll see you next time on Inspired Marriages.