Shownotes
Imagine sitting in a room filled with laughter and camaraderie, where women of all ages share their stories and support one another. That’s exactly what the Ethel Circles are doing, and this episode of Boomer Banter takes us right into the heart of this vibrant community.
Host Wendy Green kicks things off with a personal story about a lonely birthday, leading into a discussion with Lisa Marcelino and Shelly Emling from AARP about the incredible impact of social connections on our lives as we age.
The conversation highlights the importance of companionship, particularly for women facing life transitions such as divorce or losing loved ones. Listeners will learn how the Ethel Circle started and how it has blossomed into a nationwide movement that empowers women to find purpose, people, and play.
The episode is filled with heartwarming anecdotes and practical advice on how to navigate the sometimes tricky waters of forming new friendships later in life, making it a must-listen for anyone seeking connection and community.
Takeaways:
- Finding new friendships can spark unexpected joy, especially as we age and navigate life changes.
- The Ethel Circle helps women build supportive communities to combat loneliness and isolation.
- Celebrating birthdays and milestones together can create lasting bonds and cherished memories.
- Making the first move to join a group can lead to incredible friendships and new adventures.
Links referenced in this episode:
- Sign up for the weekly Boomer Banter newsletter. Click on Age Well With Us.
- Join the closed Facebook group for the Ethel Circle
- check out Ethel On-The-Go closed FB to find a travel buddy
- To locate an Ethel group in your area
- Interested in starting an Ethel group? Email aarpethel@aarp.org
- Check out our sponsor, Greenwood Capital
Learn more about Greenwood Capital or find resources at www.GreenwoodCapital.com. Boomer Banter is sponsored in part by Greenwood Capital Associates, LLC. Greenwood Capital Associates, LLC is an SEC Registered Investment Advisory firm with offices in Greenville and Greenwood, SC. As a fiduciary firm, Greenwood Capital is obligated to disclose any potential conflicts of interest with this arrangement. The host of “Boomer Banter”, Wendy Green, is a client of Greenwood Capital, and her show “Boomer Banter”
has been compensated for her testimonial through Greenwood Capital’s sponsorship. Greenwood Capital is a Legacy sponsor at the stated rate of $2,600 for the 2025 calendar year.
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
OP3 - https://op3.dev/privacy
Transcripts
She sat alone on her 70th birthday.
Speaker A:No phone calls, no visitors, no celebration, just like every year before.
Speaker A:But this year, something different happened.
Speaker A:Welcome to Boomer Banter.
Speaker A:My name is Wendy Greene and I am your host.
Speaker A:And on Boomer Banter, we have real talk about aging well.
Speaker A:And today we're talking about how friendships can happen when you least expect it.
Speaker A:So in my recent two part series, we explored how friendships evolve as we age.
Speaker A:We started talking about friendships when we were young and what we've learned from them and how difficult it can be to find friends now after work ends and our kids are grown and relationships end or change.
Speaker A:But today we're taking a different approach because there are women, thousands of them, who are saying no to staying stuck.
Speaker A:Instead, they are saying yes to meeting new people, yes to showing up, and yes to building a circle of friends in this next stage of life.
Speaker A:And you're about to meet two of the women behind the Ethels, a growing movement of real life friendship circles sparked by AARP where older women are finding purpose, people and play.
Speaker A:So stay tuned to hear more about how the lonely birthday I alluded to up front turned out and how finding friendships can open new doors.
Speaker A:Our guest today, first is Lisa Marcelino and she is currently working part time for a small nonprofit in Louisville, Kentucky while caring for her elderly parents full time.
Speaker A:After 34 years of marriage and a heartbreaking divorce, Lisa found herself living alone in Cincinnati due to her commitments to her role in her parents care.
Speaker A:Lisa moved to Louisville and was feeling very isolated and she found the Ethel Circle and quickly realized she wasn't alone.
Speaker A:And Shelley Emling is the Senior Director of marketing, brand and content at aarp.
Speaker A:An executive editor of the Girlfriend, the Ethel, the Girlfriend Book Club, the Girlfriend Social Club, the Ethel Circle, and the Ethel on the Go.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:We have a lot to learn from these two.
Speaker A:But before I bring these fun guests on, I want to give a shout out to our sponsor, Greenwood Capital.
Speaker A:As you know, this month on Boomer Banter, we've been talking about relationships and having a relationship with your trusted financial advisor will give you a comfort level that they understand your needs and your goals and will keep you on a path to achieving them.
Speaker A:I'm lucky that I have such a relationship with my advisor at Greenwood Capital.
Speaker A:As an independent registered advisory firm, Greenwood Capital is a fiduciary, meaning they must place your interests above their own.
Speaker A:And I want to share that.
Speaker A:As a sponsor, Greenwood Capital has compensated my business for this testimonial.
Speaker A:For more information about how they can help you make a financial plan, go to greenwoodcapital.com and one more quick reminder.
Speaker A:If you're enjoying these episodes with my very inspiring guests and want a little extra inspiration each week, I'd love to have you join my email community Each week you'll get links to new episodes, helpful resources, and some thoughts to help you navigate this season of your life with purpose and confidence.
Speaker A:Just visit HeyBoomer Biz and click on age well with us.
Speaker A:I'd love to stay connected with you.
Speaker A:Okay, let's bring Lisa and Shelly on.
Speaker B:Hi, ladies.
Speaker C:Hi, Wendy.
Speaker C:Thank you for having us.
Speaker A:Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
Speaker A:So I want to start with Shelly and I.
Speaker A:Shelly, I'd like you to tell us briefly who is Ethel and how the Ethel started.
Speaker C:So the Ethels are named after Dr.
Speaker C: y Andrus, who founded AARP in: Speaker C: o we launched a newsletter in: Speaker C:It's written by older women for older women.
Speaker C:It's free weekly e newsletter called the Ethel.
Speaker C:And that led to a public Facebook group called the Ethel.
Speaker C:And that led us to do some research into loneliness and social isolation and what we found.
Speaker C: In: Speaker C:And many of them said to us that sometimes they go more than a week without having any contact with anybody outside their own home.
Speaker C:So we decided we needed to do more.
Speaker C: e started the ethel circle in: Speaker A:And what, and what is the Ethel Circle?
Speaker A:How is that different from the Ethel Facebook group?
Speaker C:So the Ethel Facebook page is a public page.
Speaker C:I can only post on it, and people can react to my posts, but they can't post on it.
Speaker C:And I can't, quite frankly, keep men out of it.
Speaker C:So the Ethel Circle is a closed Facebook group and people have to request to join and then I admit them.
Speaker C:So only women are, you know, allowed.
Speaker C:And it allows the women themselves to put up their own questions and conversation starters and post about their problems and challenges.
Speaker C: a lot since launching that in: Speaker A:Yeah, I've been, I became a member since I found out about you guys.
Speaker A:And there's a lot of all over the board conversations.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So it, it, it's grown organically.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:What surprised you most about how women are engaging with It, I.
Speaker C:It was created under the umbrella of healthy aging.
Speaker C:And I said, you know, let's talk about everything.
Speaker C:The very real joys and challenges associated with growing older.
Speaker C:What I did not expect to have happen, and it happened within the first couple months, is people posting photos of themselves saying, I live in Denver.
Speaker C:Anybody else live in Denver.
Speaker C:I live in Miami.
Speaker C:Anybody live in Miami.
Speaker C:And I didn't expect them to express their loneliness in the way that they did and their desire for connection.
Speaker C:And perhaps it had something to do with the coming out of the pandemic and people were trying to find their footing again.
Speaker C:But that surprised me and also just how real they were about the issues going on in their lives.
Speaker C:I mean, if you've gone into the Ethel Circle, you'll see people talking about everything from can you recommend a place to find a dress for my daughter's wedding?
Speaker C:To my husband no longer finds me attractive after 35 years of marriage and he wants a divorce.
Speaker C:So it runs the gamut.
Speaker C:And people.
Speaker C:Almost every post gets hundreds of comments.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's what, that's what I've been seeing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So, Lisa, you found yourself alone and you're caring for your parents and, you know, you were feeling isolated.
Speaker A:What drew you?
Speaker A:How did you even find out about the Ethel Circle?
Speaker B:Well, moving back to Louisville was a good move for me to come home and take care of my parents because I do still have friends in town.
Speaker B:But it was the tail end of COVID and, and you know, there was a lot of Facebook back and forth with friends.
Speaker B:And one of the girlfriends suggested that the Ethyl Circle might be someplace to check out.
Speaker B:She said, you're social.
Speaker B:They put some funny things on there.
Speaker B:And a lot of it was like, you know, any anti aging cream you can recommend or, you know, what about these chin hairs?
Speaker B:You know, those things that happen as we get older?
Speaker B:So I started on that and then it.
Speaker B:I noticed some people were kind of yearning for social engagement.
Speaker B:So they would say, does anybody live in Cincinnati or does anybody live in Charleston?
Speaker B:Let's get together for coffee.
Speaker B:And I realized that at the time, it was like 10,000 women.
Speaker B:I think, Shelly, correct me if we're wrong, but, you know, it's now like 90,000.
Speaker C:It's well over 110,000 now.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:In the closed Facebook Circle group.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:And with that know 10,000, I thought it was too many to try to do get close connections online.
Speaker B:So I just thought I'd put it out there.
Speaker B:And as I'm a meeting planner by trade.
Speaker A:Oh.
Speaker B:So it kind of, you know, was a little bit different than what I had done.
Speaker B:And I'd been out of it for a couple of years, so I thought, I'll just give it a try.
Speaker B:And the first time I say this a lot on the interviews we've had, most everybody that probably listens to this will remember the Mary Tyler Moore party.
Speaker B:And she would invite all these people and then no one would show up or only one person would come.
Speaker B:So I thought, oh, I hope it's not a Mary Tyler Moore party.
Speaker B:She asked people to let you know, but, you know, they might chicken out, right?
Speaker B:So we actually had sex and we had so much fun and it was just like tell me about yourself kind of thing around the table.
Speaker B:And then we all said, we gotta do this again.
Speaker B:So we, you know, next time we had 12 and then it went to 20.
Speaker B:And now we consistently have between 20 and 30, depending on what we're doing.
Speaker B:And there's always somebody new, we always have new people because somebody just found out about it.
Speaker B:But it was, I thought it would just be like, you know, a nice little group to have lunch with now and then, but it's become much more than that.
Speaker B:There are friendships in the circle.
Speaker A:I want to explore that.
Speaker A:But did Shelly know about the group you were starting?
Speaker A:Had you spoken yet?
Speaker B:We communicated a little bit before they got official with their branding and everything.
Speaker B:And I was kind of possessive because I thought, well, this is my group.
Speaker B:And I didn't want to have anybody take it over because it looked like it was going to work and I didn't know what hers was going to be like.
Speaker B:But it was fantastic when they got involved because it provided us the knowledge for technology that we all needed as leaders.
Speaker B:We needed to have that because Facebook is our little senior citizen place now.
Speaker B:We're not into all the extra things, but I still didn't know how to create an event.
Speaker B:I didn't know how to add people and invite people to a group and that type of thing.
Speaker B:So she knew about it, but it, you know, it became more official after I had started it.
Speaker B:So it wasn't a secret.
Speaker B:But I was, I wasn't excited about letting them take over, but I realized it was to my benefit.
Speaker C:So a lot of unofficial groups like hers cropped up in those early days and they.
Speaker C:I noticed that they were cropping up in cities around the country.
Speaker C:And that's when AARP and the Ethel decided, what should we do?
Speaker C:Should we lean into this?
Speaker C:Should we just let everybody do their own thing willy nilly or you Know, what should we do?
Speaker C:And so we decided to create a formal Ethel Gathering Groups program through which people like Lisa raise their hand.
Speaker C:They become an official AARP Ethel volunteer.
Speaker C:We create a closed Facebook group for their town or city with consistent branding, so it looks like the Ethel across the board.
Speaker C:And we give them tools and an organizer kit and name tags and conversation starters, and we just try to help them, those groups grow.
Speaker C:And now we have groups in 47 states with over 40,000 members in these official groups, and they have.
Speaker C:They've held thousands of events in the last year.
Speaker C:This just launched about a year ago.
Speaker C:A little over a year ago.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:So, yeah.
Speaker A:So it's like a.
Speaker A:It's like a party in a box that you give them.
Speaker B:Yes, pretty much.
Speaker B:That's how it starts.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:So what's the name of your group, Lisa?
Speaker B:Well, we're the Kentuckiana Ethel.
Speaker B:So we're the Ethel Gathering Group, Kentuckiana, which is our area, and it includes most of Kentucky at this point.
Speaker B:There is a Northern Kentucky group that meets on their own and is listed separately, but some of the other people are not willing to take charge.
Speaker B:Take charge.
Speaker B:So we're working on that in Kentucky.
Speaker B:But we have a group in Bowling Green, and their side tag is the Butterflies.
Speaker B:And then we're working on a group in Western Kentucky, hoping to get that started in August.
Speaker B:That's where I went to school.
Speaker B:I went to Murray State, so I'm familiar with the area, and I would love to go down and visit and help them get started.
Speaker B:So that's the plan.
Speaker B:We also have a really small group in Lexington, Kentucky.
Speaker B:I'm not as active, but it's hard because people.
Speaker B:I don't say they don't want to compete with the leaders, but they have a hard time thinking they could live up to that.
Speaker B:So I'm like, it's lunch.
Speaker B:It's a winery.
Speaker B:It is so easy.
Speaker B:Just whatever you want to do.
Speaker B:So we're working on them, you know, to get a little bit more active.
Speaker B:But my Kentuckiana takes over southern Indiana and all of Kentucky, except for the Northern Kentucky group.
Speaker A:And so you, as the leader of that group, have started reaching out to help some of these other groups, are offering your help to these other groups.
Speaker B:I am.
Speaker B:Because as much as I'd love to travel, I don't have that luxury right now with my parents.
Speaker B:So I can take a Saturday and go to some of these other cities and help them.
Speaker B:And I know, like, in Louisville, some people will take on one project, but they don't want to, like, take on a lot, and it's okay.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:But these other groups that are farther away, I really need help.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:So I'm working on that so that I don't have to go to Murray, you know, once a month.
Speaker A:Sure, yeah.
Speaker B:Bowling Green, once a month.
Speaker B:So, anyway, we're working on it.
Speaker B:But it's.
Speaker B:It's so great how it grew.
Speaker B:It grew from, like, you know, 80 or 90 people when I first started it to, like, over 500 now.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:We have groups with a thousand.
Speaker C:Over a thousand women in them.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Is that right?
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:So I want to know, like, what people get out of this.
Speaker A:So share some stories with me, Shelly.
Speaker A:Start with a little teaser I gave in the beginning.
Speaker A:Share some stories.
Speaker C:So a few months after we launched the Ethel Circle, I noticed a woman put up a post, and she said, as you said before, I'm 70 years old.
Speaker C:I'm celebrating my birthday today.
Speaker C:And as always, I'm by myself.
Speaker C:Myself.
Speaker C:No phone calls, nobody checking in on me, nothing.
Speaker C:I'm just celebrating alone.
Speaker C:And she just posted that.
Speaker C:And within about half an hour, she had 900 comments on that post.
Speaker C:And people were saying, what town do you live in?
Speaker C:Where are you?
Speaker C:And this woman happened to be in Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker C:And so everybody that was in Atlanta, all these women said, message me.
Speaker C:Private, message me your address.
Speaker C:I'm coming by with a cake or cupcakes or a balloon or a card or.
Speaker C:Or something.
Speaker C:And so she did, and she got all these, you know, presents and, you know, treats and visits.
Speaker C:And then the next morning, she posted.
Speaker C:I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face because I've never had anybody celebrate my birthday in this way before.
Speaker C:And that just warmed my heart.
Speaker C:But there's a lot of stories like this.
Speaker C:I mean, one thing I've noticed is that women, if they're alone and living alone, aging alone, and they get sick, it can be scary.
Speaker C:So I've had a lot of people, even the last couple of weeks, write about.
Speaker C:I'm sitting here, I.
Speaker C:I've got a fever.
Speaker C:I.
Speaker C:I don't feel well.
Speaker C:I'm exhausted.
Speaker C:I shake, you know, chill, getting chills.
Speaker C:I just want to tell somebody about it because I'm.
Speaker C:I'm alone, that I have nobody to talk to.
Speaker C:And then, you know, people will urge them to go see the doctor or not, or just check in on them.
Speaker C:And I think it's so important to, like, support one another.
Speaker C:And then another woman had never traveled by herself before she had lost her husband a couple years back.
Speaker C:And so she was a widow.
Speaker C:And she said, I would love to travel again, but I'm afraid.
Speaker C:I'm afraid to travel alone.
Speaker C:I've never done it before.
Speaker C:And all these hundred women said, I know how you feel.
Speaker C:I've done this.
Speaker C:I did it myself six months ago.
Speaker C:Here's where I went.
Speaker C:Here's what happened.
Speaker C:And she was just like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:And then she did actually go somewhere and then reported back and said, I had the best trip of my life.
Speaker C:Thanks to you all for encouraging me to step outside my comfort zone.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:People will post.
Speaker C:You know, my grown child hasn't spoken to me in five years.
Speaker C:Has anybody experienced this?
Speaker C:Many women have.
Speaker C:You know, like in Lisa's case, she went through a.
Speaker C:A heartbreaking divorce.
Speaker C:You know, my husband left me for another woman.
Speaker C:My husband thinks I'm overweight and unattractive, and we haven't had sex in 20 years.
Speaker C:I mean, it's.
Speaker C:It's everything they talk about, everything real.
Speaker C:And they get so much support back.
Speaker C:And it just really.
Speaker C:It always just warms my heart.
Speaker C:It really does.
Speaker A:Yeah, I've been seeing that.
Speaker A:Lisa, what about in your group?
Speaker B:Well, I've got a couple stories in particular.
Speaker B:One of them is one of our early members.
Speaker B:She came on early.
Speaker B:She is very sick right now, and she's going through a lot of treatments and all that.
Speaker B:And so I'm kind of the one that's been sending her occasional notes because I don't like to send her every day, check in every day.
Speaker B:But her mother lives with her, but she's.
Speaker B:And she's always really good about responding because I always tell her the group wants to know we're going to see each other this weekend.
Speaker B:But she's received cards and notes and get well packages and things like that.
Speaker B:And it makes me really happy because she's very timid.
Speaker B:She's extremely kind and sweet and will carry on a conversation in that group, but she's just.
Speaker C:She won't.
Speaker B:I don't think she would ask for help.
Speaker B:So I have seen this happening and I'm really happy about that.
Speaker B:And then we have a bunco group that meets every month for those that don't know Bunko.
Speaker B:It's a dice game.
Speaker B:You don't have to think much.
Speaker B:You can talk during the game.
Speaker B:And we have a member in that group that one day she was fine and the next day she had an eye stroke and now she's blind.
Speaker B:And I didn't know how she came to Bunco, and I didn't know how much I could tell people because it wasn't my story to tell, but she said, feel free.
Speaker B:Feel free.
Speaker B:So while we were eating lunch before we started to play, now, you got to imagine she can't see.
Speaker B:I mean, she can see a little bit of a shadow on the outskirts of her eye, but she has very little vision.
Speaker B:So when you're playing Bunko, I looked up, you know, special dice and everything, and she said she didn't need that.
Speaker B:And she, I guess, can either feel it or see it.
Speaker B:Now, she has never had any kind of training, no Braille or anything, but everybody there was telling her, you got two threes, you know, keep rolling or whatever.
Speaker B:And they were helping her with her paper.
Speaker B:She was keeping tabs of her score.
Speaker B:Somebody drives her to and from the events, and she doesn't know if she will ever get it back, but this is something she can look forward to.
Speaker B:And that's been our most recent thing.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:That has truly warmed my heart, because I'm like, people don't know her.
Speaker B:She's come to a lot of our events, but they sure know her now.
Speaker B:And I don't think she's afraid to call if she needs something.
Speaker B:There is a member that's really kind, you know, and does extra things for her.
Speaker B:But, you know, we've all put ourselves out there.
Speaker B:If she needs a ride or whatever, you know, we'll take care of her.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And I happen to have some resources with somebody at the Federation of the Blind, so I was able to get some contact information when she was ready.
Speaker B:And so that helps, you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker B:And they know what's going on with my family.
Speaker B:So there's times that, you know, this isn't a good day.
Speaker B:I'm gonna miss lunch.
Speaker B:And, you know, everybody says, don't worry, we'll be there.
Speaker B:Well, I'll buy name tags on the way there.
Speaker B:And, you know, it's kind of nice to know that they can run without me.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker B:And they understand, you know, because there are a lot of them have been in that same position.
Speaker A:And it sounds like you guys have really worked to.
Speaker A:To establish friendships, and friendships take time.
Speaker A:You know, in.
Speaker A:In the last episode that I had, we were talking about, you know, how.
Speaker A:How difficult it can be to even have the courage to step out, you know, and to push through our comfort zones and be intentional about friendships.
Speaker A:And so when you see people that are thinking about coming to the Ethel group, I mean, how would you all these great stories, right?
Speaker A:But, but what would make somebody feel comfortable, like push through that comfort zone and just go that first time.
Speaker B:Shelley, you want to speak to that?
Speaker C:I was going to say, I mean, I belong to my local Ethel group because we moved recently to the Catskills north of New York City, and I don't know anybody up here and.
Speaker C:But there's a couple groups.
Speaker C:So for me, I was like, I could take advantage of my own initiative.
Speaker C:And so I went and it's what I noticed is when somebody posts an event, you have to really comment and say, don't be afraid to get out of your car in the parking lot of the restaurant and walk in the door.
Speaker C:Because believe it or not, a lot of people don't, don't want to do that.
Speaker C:They're really afraid to walk into a restaurant and look around for a group of women that you don't know, you've never met, it's scary to identify them.
Speaker C:But after the first time or two, even I was nervous going the first time or two.
Speaker C:But you.
Speaker C:Everybody starts now recognizing somebody.
Speaker C:And now we've formed real friendships and it's.
Speaker C:But I don't know, what would you say, Lisa, how would you get somebody to go for the first time?
Speaker B:Well, just like Shelly said that a couple of times I've pulled up and there's people sitting in their cars and I know they're Ethel, so I'll go tap on the window and I go, are you an Ethel?
Speaker B:And they go, are you an Ethel?
Speaker B:And they'll either walk in with me or, you know, they'll say, I got to think about this.
Speaker B:And I said, you're not a stranger once you get in.
Speaker B:You're not a stranger once you get in the door.
Speaker B:And that is truly how I feel.
Speaker B:Everybody, you know, I usually hug everybody because I'm Italian, I'm a hugger.
Speaker B:And I usually hug people when they walk in.
Speaker B:And if they're a first time person, we try to acknowledge that by their name tag has something subtle, you know, so people know.
Speaker B:And we got a couple people that say, I'm going to sit over here, so send the newbies to me.
Speaker B:And that kind of thing.
Speaker B:So, you know, it makes it, it makes them a little more comfortable.
Speaker B:And I know there are people.
Speaker B:I was very social and I.
Speaker B:But after my divorce, I'd never been to a restaurant alone, you know, so I had to make myself do that in the couple of times that I did after my divorce, just by myself.
Speaker B:Made the mistake of going to a restaurant on Valentine's Day by myself.
Speaker B:Didn't think about it, but it was a night, everything going on, of course.
Speaker B:And I went in on Valentine's Day, and I'm like, well, this wasn't a good day to practice this going in alone.
Speaker B:But I feel like, well, if you.
Speaker A:Can do that, Lisa, you can do that.
Speaker A:You can do it.
Speaker B:I can do it.
Speaker B:And I figured, well, if I survived it, other people can survive it, too.
Speaker B:And there's a lot of anxiety as we get older about different things.
Speaker B:We're afraid we're going to fall.
Speaker B:We're afraid, you know, somebody's going to make fun of us because we're in a wheelchair or a walker.
Speaker B:I'm going to be the oldest one there, that kind of thing.
Speaker B:And, you know, once they do get in, I mean, we move a chair out of the way for your wheelchair, or we move the chair out of the way for your walker.
Speaker B:Everyone has had some kind of surgery in the past couple of years.
Speaker B:So, you know, we're all like, how's that knee?
Speaker B:You know, I need to keep it straight out so I have to sit on the end or, you know, those kinds of things, because that's what happens when you're our age.
Speaker B:And I, like, I just.
Speaker B:It's so natural now, and that's how I feel about it.
Speaker B:It's just part of what we do.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Which is awesome, because you're right.
Speaker A:I mean, the.
Speaker A:The first time you walk in, you're thinking, you know, everybody's gonna know everybody.
Speaker A:No one's gonna talk to me, you know, and so it sounds like the way you're describing it, particularly as the leader, you know, you make a big effort to make sure that the newbie is not sitting over there by themselves.
Speaker A:So, yeah, that's important.
Speaker B:And we try not to have one long table when we go somewhere because our group likes to eat and drink.
Speaker B:So we do a lot of lunches, and we try not to have one long table.
Speaker B:We try to get smaller tables, like four and six.
Speaker B:So people.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker B:You can move around a little bit more.
Speaker B:And we do make an effort, a lot of our people, because everybody.
Speaker B:Not bragging, but a lot of people want to sit by me for, like, that comfort.
Speaker B:And I go, I don't know where I'm sitting.
Speaker B:And then I'll just kind of, like, sit somewhere and.
Speaker B:And then I'll get up and move around because I.
Speaker B:And the poor server has to find me when it's time for my food or drink.
Speaker B:But that's.
Speaker B:That's the job and the joy for me is to be meeting other people.
Speaker A:Here's I, here's a fun comment I have to share with you.
Speaker A:Cheryl says she went to a restaurant one year on Valentine's Day by herself and someone anonymously paid for her dinner.
Speaker C:Oh, that's nice.
Speaker A:How nice was that?
Speaker B:I could try that again maybe.
Speaker A:So, Shelly, you said that the purpose of, of the Ethels is purpose people and play.
Speaker A:Can you talk more about what you mean by that?
Speaker C:Well, what we've noticed, the common theme that runs, runs through everything is that almost every woman in these groups and in the main Ethel circle, that's what they're seeking, either purpose people or play, or all three.
Speaker C:And so we're trying to give a purpose to women such as Lisa, who has other purposes, but give more of a purpose to older women so that they feel like they're making a difference in other people's lives.
Speaker C:And people, women over 60 are often looking for play again.
Speaker C:They've retired, they've, their children have moved out, they've moved to a new city to downsize, whatever the case may be.
Speaker C:They're looking for play again.
Speaker C:And they're also looking for people across the board.
Speaker C:And I've discovered that it's, there's so much loneliness out there.
Speaker C:And like I said before, I think the pandemic did not help.
Speaker C:But there's a myriad of reasons as to why these women feel this way.
Speaker C:And it's because so many of them, I've noticed, they've lost their husbands, either they've died or divorced, they've retired.
Speaker C:And so they don't have that social circle through the office anymore.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:Their kids have grown up and moved away.
Speaker C:And so many have downsized to a new city where they don't know anybody for financial reasons or something else.
Speaker C:And also many of them have had best friends that have died.
Speaker C:And so they really are alone.
Speaker C:And they find themselves alone at 70, 75, 80 years old.
Speaker C:And what do you do?
Speaker C:How do you make friends at that age?
Speaker C:And the other thing I've noticed is older women, as we all know, they feel invisible.
Speaker C:They don't feel like people take them seriously sometimes.
Speaker C:They don't think they, you know, I was walking in New York city with my 23 year old daughter yesterday.
Speaker C:Nobody's looking at me, man.
Speaker C:Here am I?
Speaker C:You know?
Speaker A:Yes, we all have experienced that, right?
Speaker C:So you feel like, does anybody see me?
Speaker C:Does anybody hear me anymore?
Speaker C:And so that's what we tried to do through the newsletter, through, you know, aarp events through the gathering groups, the Ethel, the Apple circle, the Apple on the go.
Speaker C:We are trying to give women purpose, people in play.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So, Lisa, how has being a leader in the Ethel group changed your life?
Speaker B:Well, I think for me, like Shelly said, it.
Speaker B:It has given me a purpose.
Speaker B:When I first was divorced, I went in that little pity pile because I had had a great life.
Speaker B:It was very surprising to me.
Speaker B:And you were married 35 years, right?
Speaker C:Was it 35 years?
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, almost 35 years.
Speaker B:And, Greg.
Speaker B:And it's now.
Speaker B:It's been almost seven years since then.
Speaker B:So I've been through a lot of therapy and a lot of everything to get myself to this point.
Speaker B:So it's not overnight, but I was determined that, number one, I wasn't gonna let him win this.
Speaker B:You know, like, I.
Speaker B:I wanted to be.
Speaker B:Come out of that hole at some point.
Speaker B:And I told my counselor I didn't want to be a bitter word, and.
Speaker B:And she said, well, you're not a bitter person.
Speaker B:So you.
Speaker B:You know, you can be mad and you can get over it.
Speaker B:So that's how I felt.
Speaker B:So I thought, you're right.
Speaker B:And I did get mad, and I was very sad.
Speaker B:And then I just decided I have to do something about it.
Speaker B:Well, then when I moved to my parents, I thought that was my purpose.
Speaker B:I was in the place to be able to take care of them.
Speaker B:And then being social, it was really hard.
Speaker B:So, like everybody says, even when you're in a group or with your family, you can still be alone.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's when I realized there was a problem.
Speaker B:And I had friends in Louisville, but the dynamics had changed on so many levels because I wasn't a couple anymore.
Speaker B:And my really good friends, you know, encouraged me to.
Speaker B:To do this.
Speaker B:And I, like, now they're like, okay, what's going on with the ethos?
Speaker B:Like, you know, so I have a.
Speaker B:I have my classmates from school that I'm still friends with, and then I have my Ethel friends.
Speaker B:And a lot of times they merge and they meet when we do some social activities, you know, they'll.
Speaker B:They'll be a part of that.
Speaker B:But it's.
Speaker B:It's really.
Speaker B:I look forward to it.
Speaker B:Even my parents with the memory issues, they still know when I'm going out that they ask, is this Ethel's or is this school?
Speaker A:Oh, is that right?
Speaker A:Oh, that's sweet.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker B:And they've met some.
Speaker B:We had some over at Christmas time, and they met some of them, and now they know why I like to go.
Speaker B:It gives me that time and that space.
Speaker B:But I.
Speaker B:And I feel like maybe I've encouraged people to come out of their shell a little.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So that.
Speaker B:That makes me feel good.
Speaker A:Oh, it sounds like it's given you a lot.
Speaker A:I mean, certainly a sense of purpose, but it's.
Speaker A:But, yeah, but friendships and.
Speaker A:And feeling like you're helping others and you're.
Speaker A:You've come out of that depression, and that's a wonderful.
Speaker A:That's a wonderful gift that you found and you've given to yourself and now sharing with others.
Speaker A:So good for you.
Speaker A:Good for you.
Speaker B:Everybody needs touch.
Speaker B:We all need to be hugged or touched.
Speaker C:The health repercussions are really amazing.
Speaker C:I mean, a lack of social connection over extended period of time can take 15 years off of your life.
Speaker C:It can be equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Speaker C:So you don't want to be socially isolated for years.
Speaker C:You want that to maintain that friendship group as you.
Speaker C:You grow older.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So, Shelly, what do some of the other ethyl groups do?
Speaker A:I know Lisa and her group said to go eat and drink.
Speaker A:They do other stuff too, I'm sure.
Speaker C:But yes, some of the groups.
Speaker C:We have a group in Chesapeake Bay and Annapolis, Maryland.
Speaker C:It has, I think, over a thousand members.
Speaker C:They have subgroups.
Speaker C:They go hiking one weekend.
Speaker C:They.
Speaker C:They go to a craft.
Speaker C:They do watercolor.
Speaker C:They meet to journal.
Speaker C:They have like a cooking club.
Speaker C:So they do tons of stuff together.
Speaker C:And a lot of the groups are like that.
Speaker C:They have formed these subgroups based on your interest.
Speaker C:In fact, the one that I'm in, they do watercolor every Tuesday morning, which I can never do because I working full time.
Speaker C:But not only do we eat and drink, but people are meeting up to go on hikes and things like that.
Speaker C:And a lot of people are traveling.
Speaker C:We had a group of 36 ethels take a cruise to Alaska like two or three weeks ago from Seattle.
Speaker C:And this woman just said, I'm going on a cruise.
Speaker C:I'm by myself.
Speaker C:I would love to have people come with me, but you got to sign up, of course.
Speaker C:Pay for yourself.
Speaker C:And she had 36 ethels from around the country join her on this cruise to Alaska.
Speaker C:I mean, it's incredible.
Speaker C:And she just looks fabulous.
Speaker C:Yeah, she wrote that I had the time of my life.
Speaker C:I met, and I now have all these friends.
Speaker C:So it's amazing.
Speaker A:Travel's a wonderful thing.
Speaker A:Pal says they have a tea group, a book club, and they travel.
Speaker A:So there's stuff for everybody.
Speaker A:It sounds like, you know, you Just have to find your group.
Speaker A:So, so Shelly, tell us how.
Speaker A:If, if.
Speaker A:Well, let's talk about.
Speaker A:First of all, how do you find an ethnic.
Speaker A:If there's an ethyl group in your.
Speaker C:Area, you can go to.
Speaker A:And I'm gonna put it up here.
Speaker C:Yeah, put it in the chat because I don't, I don't want to get it wrong.
Speaker A:Is it this one?
Speaker B:Yes, here it is.
Speaker C:Do you have it in the chat?
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:RP ethel.com gathering-groups that's right.
Speaker C:It has a drop down menu.
Speaker C:Like I said, we have groups now in 47 states and, and in D.C.
Speaker C:and so you can see if there's a group in your area if there's not one in your state.
Speaker C:And I think there's, I don't think we have one in Alaska or Montana yet.
Speaker C:So if you want to start a group in your area, you can email us@aarpethelarp.org and I will get back to you and help you try to start a group in your area.
Speaker A:You get that party in the box thing.
Speaker B:I'm happy to travel.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And then if you're in a group and you want one of those subgroups, what do you do to say, well, you know, I want to, I'm good at cooking.
Speaker A:I want to do a subgroup on cooking.
Speaker A:How does that happen?
Speaker C:I think you just go to the leader, the main organizer for your, your formal organizer for your group and I mean 100 of the time they're going to say yes, fantastic.
Speaker C:Organize the subgroup.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:Your interest.
Speaker C:Because what we're trying to do is a lot of these women, again, trying to find purpose and people and play.
Speaker C:They have a, something they're really good at that maybe they'd like to share.
Speaker C:You know, I'm a good, I make quilts.
Speaker C:You know, could we all get together and I could teach you.
Speaker C:And that gives these women.
Speaker C:This is happening in groups around the country.
Speaker C:This gives them a sense of I'm sharing my experience, I'm meeting people, I'm helping people and I'm having fun while I'm doing it right.
Speaker C:Some groups are encouraged for sure.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I love this idea.
Speaker A:I've got to look and see if there's an Ethel group here where I am.
Speaker A:And I believe there is.
Speaker C:You think there is?
Speaker B:Checked it out.
Speaker A:I know who's going to come hold my hand as I walk.
Speaker B:You're never too old to make new friends.
Speaker B:Wendy.
Speaker A:I totally agree with you, Lisa.
Speaker A:I've been talking about that all month where it's all about making Friends.
Speaker A:And, you know, sometimes we have day like yesterday.
Speaker A:I didn't have a really planned day, and there was some downtime.
Speaker A:I thought, oh, I'm so lonely, you know.
Speaker A:But that passed because.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:There was plenty of stuff to do.
Speaker A:But it does happen sometimes that you're just thinking, who am I going to call?
Speaker A:And we all need that person or two or three of those persons that we can call.
Speaker C:And I was just going to say, within the Ethel Circle, we have a singles chat room with a couple thousand women that are.
Speaker C:So it's all just for single women.
Speaker C:And so if you go into the Apple Circle, you can click on chat room and find that single chat room, and somebody's on there 24 7, basically.
Speaker C:So people.
Speaker A:Is that right?
Speaker C:Yeah, it's, it's great.
Speaker A:So the Ethel Circle is a closed Facebook group.
Speaker A:You have to ask to join, you.
Speaker C:Have to request to join, and I will let you in.
Speaker C:As long as you're a woman, that's the only thing.
Speaker C:And then you go from there.
Speaker C:You can start perusing the posts.
Speaker C:You can start putting up your own posts.
Speaker C:People can post anonymously because some of their posts are quite personal.
Speaker C:But I have to approve all those anonymous posts, so I make sure they are from an actual human being because people are really posting some very, very personal challenges that they're, that they're facing.
Speaker A:They are.
Speaker A:They are.
Speaker A:I was looking at some of those and they're brave to post them and they get so many responses.
Speaker A:It's really a beautiful thing.
Speaker A:And then you have the onthego group.
Speaker A:All of these links will be in the show notes, by the way.
Speaker C:The Ethel on the go people are finding travel buddies.
Speaker C:They're exchanging tips and tricks and posting photos of themselves on vacation.
Speaker C:And like I said, countless women have said, you know, I haven't been on a vacation in years.
Speaker C:My husband died.
Speaker C:Does anybody want to go for a weekend trip to Charleston, South Carolina?
Speaker C:And, you know, somebody will raise their hand and they'll, they'll be off and running and then they post photos of themselves and it's just great.
Speaker C:So it's, it's, it's really encouraging women to step outside their comfort zone.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Now, what if they want to sign up for the newsletter?
Speaker A:I don't think I have that link.
Speaker A:How did they sign up for the newsletter?
Speaker C:Search on the Ethel on Facebook.
Speaker C:It'll.
Speaker C:I mean, on Google, it'll come up like, the first thing is the Apple newsletter.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker C:And then you can subscribe there.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker C:Yep.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I get that too.
Speaker A:And there's usually like three or four articles in there.
Speaker A:And you know, sometimes it's going to be stuff that you're really interested in and other times it'll be like, okay, but you said you get writers just like you and I and, and Lisa and just regular people are writing.
Speaker C:All the writers have, are in their 60s, 70s, 80s.
Speaker C:We have.
Speaker C:But we've had famous authors do pieces for us.
Speaker C:We've had some actor actresses do some pieces for us.
Speaker C:So it's not just average people that write for us.
Speaker C:We've had a wide range of freelancers write for us.
Speaker C:They're all older women, you know, and usually the pieces are very personal first person essays about challenges somebody's facing.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:And I don't want to make it sound like the Ethel Circle is all gloom and doom because people also post, I just had my first grandchild.
Speaker C:Here's a photo of my grandchild, or here's my husband and I on a trip to Miami.
Speaker C:Whatever it is, it's not.
Speaker C:It's celebratory.
Speaker C:We're also celebrating each other as we grow older, in addition to supporting one another as we face challenges.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker A:And there is a lot of uplifting things that you see in there.
Speaker B:There's a lot of joy.
Speaker B:And, you know, I think that for some people, because they are maybe not with a group or whatever, that online is just kind of fun for some to just scroll through and see.
Speaker B:And I've learned to be a big scroller because the Ethel's Circle has so many members that it's hard to read everything.
Speaker B:But I love seeing people that have just celebrated big anniversaries or some people that just got married at our age, you know, and that's fun that they're reacquainted with a high school sweetheart or whatever.
Speaker B:So there's a lot of really fun things.
Speaker A:And you have a private group for your Kentuckiana and for all of the different.
Speaker B:Yeah, for our events are private.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But I mean, if anybody asks, join.
Speaker B:Like we're having an event in August.
Speaker B:It's really for all the Kentucky people.
Speaker B:And so anybody from Northern Kentucky group that wants to come, I shared it with them too.
Speaker B:So some people are crossing over to be in our group as well.
Speaker B:But we have some friends from Indiana that want to come too.
Speaker B:We had gotten together with them last year, had like a weekend event and we got to be good buddies with them.
Speaker B:So they want to come down.
Speaker B:They're like, can, can Indiana people come?
Speaker B:And I said, of course, of course.
Speaker B:You're part of us.
Speaker C:More the merrier.
Speaker A:Yes, more the merrier.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So, you guys, this is exciting and fun and I love your energy and, you know, this gift that you're giving to everybody to find friends in a, in a comfortable way and a fun way.
Speaker A:So, yeah, thank you for all that you've shared.
Speaker A:If you guys listening have loved this show, I know you have.
Speaker A:We've had lots of comments.
Speaker A:Share it, share it with your friends.
Speaker A:Share it on social media.
Speaker A:Let everybody know about what the Ethels are doing and what's available to them so that they can get out there and enjoy it as well.
Speaker A:And for those of you who don't know, every week I try to recommend another podcast for women over 50.
Speaker A:And today I am recommending the Jane Leader, who is the host of Older Women and Friends and Older Women and Friends takes a deep dive into the joys and challenges of being in older women.
Speaker A:Her podcast tries to set the record straight that we are not just getting old, we are aging well.
Speaker A:And she explores many, many contributions that older women have made and the wisdom that we've earned.
Speaker A:So check out Older Women and Friends.
Speaker A:You can find it on her website, janeleader.
Speaker A:L E D E R dot and before you go, we have a cool show next week.
Speaker A:Very interesting.
Speaker A:Still in our relationship thing.
Speaker A:And my guest next week is Lindsay Farrell from the Grandmother Collective.
Speaker A:And their big mission is to raise the profile of grandmothers as unique and essential contributors to social change.
Speaker A:They work to equip grandmothers and older women so they can leverage their wisdom and experience, insights and contributions to make impact around the world.
Speaker A:And if you're looking for ways to connect, they seem to have an abundance of opportunities, from book clubs to writing groups and storytelling groups.
Speaker A:So join me next week to learn more about that.
Speaker A:And finally, I want to thank Greenwood Capital for sponsoring this podcast.
Speaker A:Greenwood Capital is a fiduciary and they are an independent registered advisory firm providing wealth management, investment solutions and financial planning to clients in 23 states.
Speaker A:So thank you, Lisa and Shelly, so much.
Speaker B:Thank you, Wendy.
Speaker A:This has really been fun.
Speaker C:Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker A:Oh, thank you.
Speaker A:This has been fun and hopefully I will see all of you next week.
Speaker A:Thank you, all of you for listening and participating and being part of the boomer banter community.
Speaker A:See you next week.
