Shownotes
Healing from trauma, childhood grief, miscarriage, and generational pain starts with one step: choosing yourself. In this powerful episode of Doing Life Different, Lesa Koski talks with life coach Vivian Moyo about healing trauma, the impact of losing a parent young, how silence in families creates emotional wounds, and how choosing yourself becomes an act of self-love. Vivian shares her story of childhood loss, two devastating miscarriages, and the moment she began her healing journey. If you’re navigating midlife trauma, divorce recovery, grief, anxiety, or a major life change, this conversation will help you feel seen, supported, and hopeful.
In this episode, we talk about trauma healing, generational trauma, grief recovery, and how to choose yourself when life feels heavy. Vivian’s message is a reminder that healing is possible—and midlife is not your crisis, it’s your comeback.
🎧 Listen now and share this with a woman who needs encouragement today.
In this episode, we talk about trauma healing, generational trauma, grief recovery, and how to choose yourself when life feels heavy. Vivian’s message is a reminder that healing is possible—and midlife is not your crisis, it’s your comeback.
🎧 Listen now and share this with a woman who needs encouragement today.
Timestamps:
(00:00) Welcome + technical difficulties + introducing life coach Vivian Moyo
(02:10) Vivian’s background: born in Zimbabwe, now living in London
(04:20) Losing her mother at age three and having no memory of her
(07:10) The trauma of family silence and not knowing how her mother died
(10:35) Why children need truth, support, and emotional safety
(13:50) Generational trauma and how pain gets passed down
(16:30) Moving to the UK at 11 and feeling different within the family
(20:05) Miscarriage and heartbreak: losing her first pregnancy at five months
(22:45) Losing a second pregnancy at five months and reaching a breaking point
(25:30) Suicidal thoughts and the “still voice” that changed everything
(28:10) Vivian’s calling: helping young girls build confidence and self-worth
(31:10) Supporting women through domestic abuse and trauma recovery
(33:45) Vivian’s upcoming book: The Invisible Girl (launching in June)
(36:10) One powerful tip for self-love: “Choose yourself”
(38:05) Final encouragement + how to connect with Vivian
Key Takeaways:
- Trauma can start early, and silence often deepens the wound
- Generational trauma is real, but healing can break the cycle
- Grief and miscarriage loss can create deep emotional pain, but recovery is possible
- Healing often begins when we choose support, truth, and self-compassion
- “Choosing yourself” is one of the strongest acts of self-love and boundary-setting
Guest Bio:
Vivian Moyo is a London-based life coach, speaker, and founder of women-focused healing initiatives supporting survivors of trauma and domestic abuse. Born in Zimbabwe, Vivian has transformed her personal journey of loss and resilience into a mission to help women heal, build confidence, and reclaim their lives. She is the author of the upcoming book The Invisible Girl, launching in June.
Resource Links:
Vivian:
Youtube Channel : https://www.youtube.com/@MoyoWellnessTherapy
TikTok : www.tiktok.com/@moyowellnesstherapypods
Instagram : @moyowellnesstherapy
Website : https://moyowellnesstherapy.com/
Sign up for my newsletter https://enchanting-basil-714.myflodesk.com/qwzridafyj
Marrie Simpson’s Metabolic Reset
Tags/Keywords:
trauma healing, childhood trauma, generational trauma, miscarriage healing, grief recovery, healing after loss, women’s healing, midlife healing, choosing yourself, self love for women, emotional healing, boundary setting, domestic abuse recovery, life coach for women, healing journey, divorce recovery, midlife comeback, Doing Life Different podcast, Lesa Koski, Vivian Moyo, anxiety healing, faith and healing, healing in midlife
Transcripts
Welcome listeners.
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I am so excited to have you here today
and I do have a guest, but it just
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00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:10,620
doesn't look like it 'cause we're having
some little technical difficulties.
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But we're gonna do our best because
we think you can hear her voice.
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I have the lovely Miss Vivian.
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Moyo, did I say it?
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Vivian?
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Say your last name because I
just got nervous and afraid
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I was gonna say it right.
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Speaker 2: You were doing so well.
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How do you say your last name?
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Uh, it's Vivian Moyo.
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Moyo.
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Moyo?
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Yeah.
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Moyo.
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, I get people calling
me all sorts of stuff.
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So you were doing absolutely fine.
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All right.
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Speaker: Well, listeners, we're gonna
stick with Vivian's pronunciation of,
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of her name, but she's a, a Darlene,
um, life coach that's here and she's
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going to share her authentic story,
which I think you'll find very moving.
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She's been through a lot of
hard things and she's, you know.
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Learning how to help people
through what she went through.
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And so we're gonna start by getting
to know what she's been through her
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story, and then we're gonna learn how
she's helping people deal with trauma.
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So whether you have big trauma
or little trauma, this is a great
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episode for you to listen to.
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So, Vivian, welcome to Doing Life
Different, and would you, well
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first of all, let us know where
you are, where are you located?
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You've got a beautiful accent.
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Speaker 2: I am based in the uk, London,
but I was actually born in Zimbabwe
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and I came in the UK at the age of
11, so that's why you're probably hear
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hearing a little bit of an accent,
but I'm literally based in the uk.
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Speaker: Well, it's beautiful.
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Your voice is beautiful.
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So that's important for a coach, right?
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We're shooting.
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Speaker 2: Do you know what the funny
thing I get with people, whether that
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is guys, whether that is females,
like everybody says Vivian, there
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is something about your voice,
like your voice brings something.
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I don't know what it is
particularly guys like.
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They go crazy with my
voice and then I'm like.
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Are they talking about the same person?
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Because I don't know what you mean.
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You know, when you're hearing yourself
it's a little bit different mm-hmm.
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Than what people are hearing.
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Yeah.
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So it is funny that, it's funny
that you said that as well.
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I get that a lot about my voice,
but I feel like I sound like a, a
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mouse or a cat when I'm talking.
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I'm not understanding what
people are, are, are getting.
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So I guess, um, I guess it's a win
situation for people as well, since
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they think my voice is lovely.
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Speaker: Yeah, I think it is because, um,
I think it's probably part of your healing
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and I know that, and you're gonna get
into your story, but I know that you've
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said you have, since a small child felt
drawn to healing, and I think that maybe
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is just coming through in your voice.
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So would you mind, Vivian,
sharing your story?
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Speaker 2: Definitely.
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And I wanna say thank you,
Tess, for having me today.
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And you look beautiful as ever.
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Thank you.
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Uh, so thank you so much and you're
doing absolutely amazing with your
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show, so keep it up like, and I'm
grateful to be here with you today,
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so thank you so much for that.
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Speaker: You bet.
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We're glad to have you.
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Speaker 2: Thank you.
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Okay, where do I start?
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Um, I had to write a book
about my story and healing.
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Yeah.
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And I'm so excited because it's
gonna be launched in June because
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so many things has happened.
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Um, I know I sound young, but I'm
a lot more older than our sound,
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so I'll just summarize it because
we'll be here literally till.
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27 because it's a long story.
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So I'm just gonna summarize, um.
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I was born in Zimbabwe,
um, which is Africa.
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Um, and um, I was born, uh,
straight away when I was born,
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um, when I was three years old.
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Unfortunately, my mother passed away,
so I never got to bond with my mom.
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Three years is very young to even remember
her smell, her touch, how she looked like.
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And so the only like memories
I have of my mom is basically
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through, through pictures, basically
looking through her pictures.
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But even in the pictures, she almost
feels like a stranger because I don't,
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I don't remember her in that way.
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You know, when you look at
somebody through pictures, you're
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like, oh yeah, that is my mom.
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Right?
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But seeing my mom in pictures, it's still
a struggle for me to kind of like identify
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that as my mom, but she is my mom.
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So that would, let me ask
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Speaker: you, Vivian, I'm just curious
because I'm just trying to think like I
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do, and some of 'em are around trauma.
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I do have some like
early memories of my mom.
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Um, do you have those memories?
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Maybe not the picture of her
face, but maybe the feeling or
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any, um, any memories at all?
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Speaker 2: None whatsoever.
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No, that's what I mean.
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It, it feels weird, but I
don't remember her touch.
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I don't remember her smile.
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I don't remember her giggle.
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Um, I don't remember her voice even.
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'cause you know, as a child, like
you would remember your mom's voice.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, I don't remember my mom's voice.
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I have absolutely no memory.
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All I know is I had a mom, but I never
had that relationship with her whatsoever.
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And the worst part
about that is back home.
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I feel like, um, um, I'm from Africa,
so back home I feel like African
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families, they try to protect you
and not really say a lot about.
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You about what has happened.
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'cause in their eyes, you're too
young, you don't need to know too much.
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Um, and so the trouble with that is I feel
like my family protected me too much that
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I never really feel like I got the closure
that I needed to know about my mom because
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it almost felt like she never existed.
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It almost felt like nobody.
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Wanted to talk about my mom.
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Mm-hmm.
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Even when I wanted to ask questions,
so, you know, who's my mom?
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Who's my dad?
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What does she like?
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It almost felt like that was something,
you know, like a forbidden, a, a
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forbidden fruit that you cannot touch.
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So it almost felt like it was a forbidden
conversation that I almost felt scared
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to even ask about my mom because
nobody there to even talk about her.
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So you can imagine, I feel like
that's what made it harder for
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me not to even remember her.
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Speaker: Well, let for our listeners,
I just kind of wanna, because I
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feel like there's a lesson in that,
you know, just what you're saying.
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And I have a good friend who lost her mom
at about the same age, um, from cancer.
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And, um, I don't know if your
mom's death was traumatic.
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I don't, I don't know anything about it.
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But So what you are
saying is for children.
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It's probably a really good idea,
even if it's hard to talk about,
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so that memory stays alive.
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Am I hearing that right?
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Speaker 2: Yes, uh, definitely.
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And I feel like no matter how painful
it is till today, Tessa, I don't think
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I can even tell you what she died off.
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It still doesn't really.
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Yeah.
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And I am like, I don't wanna disclose my
age, but I am as old as you can imagine.
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So I am not in my twenties
or in my thirties, so you can
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probably guess like my age by now.
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Mm-hmm.
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But nobody till today.
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I don't know.
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I'm still guessing.
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I, I, I don't even know.
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What she died of.
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Was it cancer?
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Was it aids?
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All I know is that she, she was
very pain, like she was very, very
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sick and she was in so much pain.
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But to what that was, I don't know.
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And I feel like it's unfair because
imagine if, let's say similar
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situation started to happen to me, God
forbid, that is not gonna be my case.
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But let's just say,
how would we know that?
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That is the same thing.
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And how would we be able to prevent
it if nobody wants to talk about it.
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Speaker: Right.
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And that, that's interesting.
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And I also, my baby girl is
adopted and so you do, like,
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you wonder about the genetics.
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Right.
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And so we did, we were able to
do a genetic test to see like
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what kind of things she might, is
that what you're talking about?
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Kind of like.
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But, but here's the thing.
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Not everybody can afford or has the
opportunity to get a genetic test, so
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that's not gonna work for everyone.
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But yeah, you don't know.
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You don't know your
roots on a lot of things.
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And part of that is health related.
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Speaker 2: Exactly.
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And so not necessarily
even a genetic test.
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'cause I, I did do one.
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You did, but it doesn't, but
it doesn't tell you exactly.
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It gives you a broader, it goes back to
your ancestors if more than anything.
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It doesn't tell you specific, like this
is the situation, but I'm talking about
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like, I feel like once something happens.
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To a child, I feel like parents
shouldn't feel shy to, or parents
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or caregivers, shouldn't feel shy to
explain to the child what has happened.
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Mm-hmm.
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So for me, nobody was brave enough
to sit down with me and say,
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Vivian, like you are of age now.
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Your mom died of three.
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The reason why she died was because maybe.
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It was AIDS or maybe it was
cancer or whatever it was.
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She, she died of it and she,
she, she really tried her very
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best to fight for her life.
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And, but unfortunately, right,
like, do you know what I mean?
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Rather than leaving the child, that's
also adding so much trauma to the
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child because she doesn't know.
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Like she really has no clue.
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And I feel like it's important.
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Even if you as a parent or as a caregiver,
you are not able to give the advice,
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take the child for therapy because
the child has, has been traumatized.
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She has no mom.
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Do you know what I mean?
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And to top it up, I mean, mm-hmm.
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And to top it up, I had no father.
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My father was never in the picture.
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So already that's the second
trauma mom dying while I was three.
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Growing up knowing that I had
a mom not knowing who she was.
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Mm-hmm.
210
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:47,325
That also was traumatizing, but
also knowing that I had a dad
211
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and not knowing who my dad was.
212
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:56,895
Again, not having my family support me in
the way that I needed to feel that closure
213
00:10:57,315 --> 00:10:59,325
as in like, these are your parents.
214
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,555
This is what happened.
215
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:02,895
It was secrets upon secrets.
216
00:11:03,015 --> 00:11:03,105
Mm-hmm.
217
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:06,405
So how am I supposed to heal from that?
218
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:07,730
Speaker: Right.
219
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:11,570
So the, so you've had a couple
other things later on in life.
220
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So I kind of wanna get to, so you're
kind of, you're going through life and
221
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:19,490
you're carrying this trauma and you
know, a lot of us have traumas, but
222
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:21,170
you're carrying it and they're big ones.
223
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And then.
224
00:11:22,655 --> 00:11:24,035
And then, and then what happened?
225
00:11:24,035 --> 00:11:25,445
What, what other things were happening?
226
00:11:25,655 --> 00:11:25,835
Speaker 2: Okay.
227
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:30,035
So, and then obviously that happened
and I was raised by my grandmother
228
00:11:30,035 --> 00:11:33,575
and she was like the closest
thing that I know as a mother.
229
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:38,225
And she was the only person I feel like
till this day gave me so much love.
230
00:11:38,285 --> 00:11:38,795
Honestly.
231
00:11:38,795 --> 00:11:41,465
She spoke me, she treated
me like I was a princess.
232
00:11:41,795 --> 00:11:45,665
Anyway, she made sure that before
she died I was in a safe space.
233
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I was all looked.
234
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:47,060
After.
235
00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:51,020
So then that's when I came
to the UK at the age of 11.
236
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:57,680
So again, I lived with my caregivers,
my uncle who did her very best to make
237
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sure that I had everything that I needed.
238
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:04,880
You know, sometimes we feel like
because this person has lost something.
239
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:09,450
All, all, all that they need is
the safety net, and they forget
240
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:11,220
that they need more than just that.
241
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:17,580
So then it also still, that trauma still
lingers because you're not being given
242
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,780
the love that you probably would've
been given by your mom if she was there
243
00:12:22,050 --> 00:12:23,820
or you're not being given the same.
244
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:28,170
Love that maybe your father was
there, would've given you, like
245
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:33,450
you are still feeling like there's
something missing within yourself.
246
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:36,390
So it's not anything that
they did or they didn't do.
247
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:37,680
It was the fact that.
248
00:12:38,195 --> 00:12:42,395
Already, nobody explained
to me what was going on.
249
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So already I felt weird.
250
00:12:44,195 --> 00:12:45,875
I felt like I wasn't enough.
251
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:47,885
I felt like I was a mistake.
252
00:12:47,945 --> 00:12:50,225
I always felt like this emptiness.
253
00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:54,545
So being around my, my uncle and
their, and the way they treated
254
00:12:54,545 --> 00:12:58,685
their children, it seemed very
different to how I was treated.
255
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:03,875
And so that made me feel like,
oh, okay, again, is this safe?
256
00:13:03,915 --> 00:13:07,485
Because why is it that they're
being given this type of
257
00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,405
attention or this type of love?
258
00:13:09,435 --> 00:13:15,255
And then I am not So as much as
they tried to, you know, be there
259
00:13:15,255 --> 00:13:17,720
for me, it just wasn't enough.
260
00:13:19,025 --> 00:13:20,165
Speaker: Okay, so there's that.
261
00:13:20,195 --> 00:13:24,515
There's a lot in what you just said
and I think I'm thinking that I, when
262
00:13:24,515 --> 00:13:29,315
you talk about your grandma, ugh,
I am a grandma and I have grandmas.
263
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:29,760
Don't look care.
264
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:30,800
You don't care.
265
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:31,120
Oh, thank you.
266
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:37,415
No, I'm, and I had grandmas that I was
so connected with, so deeply connected
267
00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:39,365
with and a great and great grandma too.
268
00:13:39,845 --> 00:13:44,285
And um, I can imagine that was pretty
traumatic to leave her loving arms.
269
00:13:45,005 --> 00:13:48,095
And then to be brought into
this family when you're 11
270
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:51,095
that has children of their own.
271
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:56,705
But I can't help but wonder, um, if
as you're speaking, I think about
272
00:13:56,705 --> 00:14:00,725
children who go through adoption
and I think about my baby, like.
273
00:14:01,295 --> 00:14:03,215
There's trauma in that.
274
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:07,835
Probably even if like she was
two days old when we adopted her.
275
00:14:08,075 --> 00:14:08,135
Speaker 2: Oh
276
00:14:08,825 --> 00:14:09,245
Speaker: yeah.
277
00:14:09,245 --> 00:14:14,405
So even if though, you bring them in and
you love them and they, and I will say,
278
00:14:14,405 --> 00:14:18,245
and I don't know if it was that baby
stage, but it was like I forgot that I
279
00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:19,955
didn't give birth to her all the time.
280
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,590
That's how it was.
281
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:23,450
And I think that was such a blessing.
282
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:28,490
Um, but you know, I think it's
been a healing journey for her too.
283
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:32,600
And we have discovered things about
her family and there are things we
284
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,200
won't know, but I've tried to help
her with that and, and tried to
285
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,580
let her know that she was loved.
286
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,410
So I hope that you know that your
birth mom loved you very, very much.
287
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:44,900
Um, and I hope people have told you that.
288
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,300
Speaker 2: So here's the thing.
289
00:14:48,245 --> 00:14:49,745
Nobody has told me that.
290
00:14:50,405 --> 00:14:51,995
Ugh, I am.
291
00:14:52,565 --> 00:14:54,755
This is the first time I'm hearing this.
292
00:14:54,755 --> 00:14:55,475
I kid you not.
293
00:14:55,475 --> 00:14:59,615
Like I said, in my family, in my
family, it felt like a taboo to
294
00:14:59,615 --> 00:15:01,775
mention anything about Vivian's mom.
295
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:10,085
To the point where they continued
with that secret that they forgot
296
00:15:10,085 --> 00:15:11,885
to tell me the most important thing.
297
00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:15,275
And thank you for saying that to
me because nobody has said that.
298
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:16,595
I know she did.
299
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:16,805
Mm-hmm.
300
00:15:17,045 --> 00:15:19,505
But nobody in my family said that.
301
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:19,565
Wow.
302
00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:24,425
Because I guess in, in their minds,
I was very young to even understand.
303
00:15:24,605 --> 00:15:24,845
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
304
00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:28,955
Everybody needs to know
that their mom loves them.
305
00:15:29,855 --> 00:15:30,455
You know?
306
00:15:30,575 --> 00:15:31,715
I think, I don't know.
307
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:31,900
Speaker 2: Yeah.
308
00:15:33,185 --> 00:15:34,085
So thank you for that.
309
00:15:34,085 --> 00:15:36,065
Because nobody, yes, nobody, nobody.
310
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,625
Nobody said till today.
311
00:15:37,685 --> 00:15:38,885
Till today.
312
00:15:39,065 --> 00:15:40,445
That is, nobody has said it.
313
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:41,795
Speaker: Interesting.
314
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,085
That's really my question
315
00:15:43,085 --> 00:15:47,795
Speaker 2: for you is what do you
think is happening to my family?
316
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:55,205
Why they feel like they were not able to
tell me or even protect me in the way that
317
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,795
they thought there was they were doing.
318
00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:57,485
Speaker: Yeah.
319
00:15:57,485 --> 00:16:01,625
So it's funny because when you were
telling that story, I thought of
320
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:07,295
a situation with someone that's
like related in the family, and
321
00:16:07,325 --> 00:16:10,205
I remember it's a little bit
different, but kind of the same.
322
00:16:10,655 --> 00:16:11,165
Um.
323
00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:17,495
There, the, the daughter was in a
daycare and there was some like sexual
324
00:16:17,495 --> 00:16:22,505
abuse stuff that had happened in that
daycare, and the daughter had come to
325
00:16:22,505 --> 00:16:30,065
her mom and told her that something had
happened and her mom kind of panicked
326
00:16:30,065 --> 00:16:31,835
and just didn't have the tools right.
327
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,570
And looked at her and said.
328
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,540
Well, you just stop that now.
329
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:36,650
We're not even gonna talk about that.
330
00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:37,370
That's over.
331
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:37,790
It's done.
332
00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:38,180
It's fine.
333
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:42,710
You know, like she didn't, she just
wanted, she, you know how people think if
334
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,780
we don't talk about it, it will go away.
335
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:48,740
Or people just like with our feelings,
how we don't feel our feelings.
336
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:53,390
So I think your family, yeah, they
didn't mean to hurt you, but they didn't,
337
00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:56,810
they just thought, we're gonna bury
this because it's gonna be painful.
338
00:16:57,170 --> 00:17:01,175
They didn't see that telling you that
your mom, mama loved you so much.
339
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:06,618
They saw it as hurt because it was a
memory and they would remember and it hurt
340
00:17:06,618 --> 00:17:09,618
them and it was hard to feel and it would
hurt you because you had missed that.
341
00:17:09,888 --> 00:17:10,878
So they didn't get that.
342
00:17:10,878 --> 00:17:12,589
You needed to know that, I think.
343
00:17:13,189 --> 00:17:14,449
Is that what you were asking?
344
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:15,770
Speaker 2: Yeah.
345
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:19,098
And then I guess maybe based on maybe.
346
00:17:20,044 --> 00:17:24,184
Because I feel like as well, um,
this is my take as well, I feel
347
00:17:24,184 --> 00:17:28,985
like, um, people will treat you
based on what they have been given.
348
00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:34,534
So I'm a firm, I'm a firm believer
of a generational person where I feel
349
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:39,154
like a lot of the traumas are passed on
through generations, upon generations.
350
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,574
And I feel like a lot of the
traumas, again, are passed on
351
00:17:42,574 --> 00:17:44,465
through our ancestral as well.
352
00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:49,205
So what happens is if, let's
say my grand grandparents went.
353
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:53,110
Through a trauma and they're
never dealt with that trauma.
354
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:57,939
When they come in and they begin to raise
their children, they're not going to know
355
00:17:58,090 --> 00:18:04,000
what to do to the children that feels safe
for the children because they were never
356
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,360
given that same type of safety or love.
357
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,659
Not to say they don't love the
children, it is just that they.
358
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,320
Don't know how to, because
they were not given that.
359
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:19,560
And so again, because it's a trauma that
has been passed on, if let's say the
360
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:24,509
grandparents now have other children,
it's just gonna be a pattern, right?
361
00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:28,860
Because nobody has found
a way to heal from that.
362
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:29,070
So.
363
00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,895
To them, it becomes a normal thing.
364
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:36,605
And I feel like with my family,
maybe they felt like it was a normal
365
00:18:36,605 --> 00:18:38,465
thing not to say anything to me.
366
00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:38,554
Yes.
367
00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:41,735
Not because they didn't wanna hurt,
not because they wanted to hurt me.
368
00:18:42,064 --> 00:18:42,215
Right.
369
00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:46,595
But because they just don't
understand what has happened.
370
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,695
They don't even know that
I've gone through trauma.
371
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:49,145
They don't
372
00:18:49,145 --> 00:18:52,865
Speaker: even have the tools to know
that it would be helpful to you.
373
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,185
But the good news is.
374
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,060
You can heal that.
375
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,410
Speaker 2: Exactly.
376
00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:59,570
Speaker: You know, and that's like
kind of the thing, like, I just
377
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,630
want everyone, that's why I do this.
378
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,200
You know?
379
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,980
I want people to know you can
feel better and you can heal.
380
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:11,090
And yes, there are gonna be
troubles, um, but we can be better
381
00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:13,460
prepared for them and we can heal.
382
00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:19,160
And so when did you begin
your healing journey, Vivian?
383
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:22,340
Speaker 2: Okay, so my healing journey.
384
00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:25,969
You know how, you know the
saying where they say it will
385
00:19:25,969 --> 00:19:27,679
get worse before it gets better?
386
00:19:27,679 --> 00:19:27,799
Mm-hmm.
387
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:35,945
So by the time I was 17, I decided
I needed to leave my caregivers
388
00:19:36,185 --> 00:19:41,495
to find my way because I needed
to find who I was as a person who
389
00:19:41,495 --> 00:19:43,865
is vegan, like who am I really?
390
00:19:44,345 --> 00:19:45,185
And so.
391
00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:52,720
I left at 17 and then I thought, oh my
gosh, like I'm gonna finally be happy.
392
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,420
I'm gonna finally have my own family.
393
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:59,170
I'm gonna create my own,
my own tribe, basically.
394
00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:01,060
So I left and then I.
395
00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:06,405
Was put in a hostel where I was
able to meet amazing people who
396
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:10,485
took me in as their family, meaning
friends and stuff like that.
397
00:20:10,845 --> 00:20:15,345
And then obviously I fell in
love at the age of 18 years old.
398
00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:17,955
And um, the guy was amazing.
399
00:20:18,264 --> 00:20:23,395
And obviously I fell pregnant, and then
when I fell pregnant I was so excited.
400
00:20:23,604 --> 00:20:25,435
It was like the best news ever.
401
00:20:25,435 --> 00:20:28,014
Something of my own, my own child.
402
00:20:28,254 --> 00:20:29,124
I'll do better.
403
00:20:29,425 --> 00:20:31,344
I'll be there and I'll love that child.
404
00:20:31,735 --> 00:20:36,054
Unfortunately, when I was five
months pregnant, I had a miscarriage.
405
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:36,594
Speaker: Hmm.
406
00:20:36,594 --> 00:20:37,675
That's far along too.
407
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:39,455
Hmm.
408
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:40,534
Speaker 2: Yeah.
409
00:20:41,165 --> 00:20:44,915
And so that was another trauma
because in my mind I'm like, oh my
410
00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,355
gosh, I'm finally going to heal.
411
00:20:46,355 --> 00:20:48,784
I'm, I'm gonna, 'cause you know,
sometimes when you're, when you've
412
00:20:48,784 --> 00:20:52,145
grown up in a household where you
feel like that's where pain is, where
413
00:20:52,145 --> 00:20:56,435
you feel like, let me escape that
household and find my own space, I'll
414
00:20:56,435 --> 00:20:59,075
find my own healing, not realizing.
415
00:20:59,294 --> 00:21:01,965
Yeah, it's, it's, it, it wasn't like that.
416
00:21:02,355 --> 00:21:05,145
And then again left that relationship.
417
00:21:05,145 --> 00:21:09,345
And then the next few months
again, got pregnant again.
418
00:21:09,345 --> 00:21:13,845
Second time at this point, I was 21
years old, so the first one was 18.
419
00:21:14,235 --> 00:21:16,425
Um, and I knew what I was having as well.
420
00:21:16,425 --> 00:21:21,254
And then the second one was, um,
when I was 21, again, the same
421
00:21:21,254 --> 00:21:22,815
thing happened at five months.
422
00:21:22,845 --> 00:21:24,044
Another miscarriage
423
00:21:27,945 --> 00:21:28,485
Speaker: two.
424
00:21:29,780 --> 00:21:31,550
So two miscarriages.
425
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:32,360
Yeah.
426
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:36,860
Trauma from, and is that when you
started to heal because you felt Yeah.
427
00:21:38,389 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 2: It.
428
00:21:38,929 --> 00:21:40,549
I'm, I'm summarizing it.
429
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:45,620
So I started, uh, so obviously
already I've lost my, I I, I
430
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:47,120
didn't have my father around.
431
00:21:47,149 --> 00:21:50,389
I've lost my grandfather, my
grandmother by either way already
432
00:21:50,389 --> 00:21:52,370
when, when I was already in, in London.
433
00:21:52,789 --> 00:21:57,679
Um, I've lost my mom at three years
old and then I've lost two children.
434
00:21:57,679 --> 00:21:59,749
So that was a.
435
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:00,970
Big, big.
436
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:03,159
That was already like hard.
437
00:22:03,699 --> 00:22:07,240
And again, at that time I didn't
know that I was going through trauma.
438
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,659
I knew something was not right with
me, but because I never had the
439
00:22:10,659 --> 00:22:15,340
support, I never had the support
system of where people were like, even
440
00:22:15,340 --> 00:22:17,080
actually, you need to go for therapy.
441
00:22:17,290 --> 00:22:19,570
Even actually, you need
this, you need that.
442
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:24,699
Like nobody nev, nobody around me
told me that something that I needed.
443
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,419
Otherwise I would've done that
before getting even pregnant at 18.
444
00:22:29,420 --> 00:22:31,340
That would've been the first
thing that I would've done.
445
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,110
Right.
446
00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:34,820
But nobody, nobody's told me that.
447
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:41,120
But also I feel like a lot of children
that have gone through trauma, they find
448
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:47,330
a survival, a survival thing that they
do where they don't feel any emotions.
449
00:22:47,645 --> 00:22:53,075
As a survival mechanism, not because
they don't want to, but because
450
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,115
they're trying to survive already.
451
00:22:55,325 --> 00:22:59,645
So the best thing sometimes for
children growing up who have been
452
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:04,475
through trauma, they numb the pain
and they pretend nothing has happened.
453
00:23:04,715 --> 00:23:05,195
Mm-hmm.
454
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:12,305
And so it takes ages for you to begin
to realize that something has happened.
455
00:23:12,755 --> 00:23:13,265
Speaker: Yes.
456
00:23:14,795 --> 00:23:16,355
So, so tell me.
457
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:20,779
What, when did you begin your
healing journey and become a coach?
458
00:23:20,779 --> 00:23:21,199
And
459
00:23:21,679 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 2: I began my healing journey,
I think after my second miscarriage.
460
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:31,655
Um, that was a time where
I wanted to take my life.
461
00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:33,155
I had enough of life.
462
00:23:33,155 --> 00:23:35,524
I literally thought of like suicide.
463
00:23:36,034 --> 00:23:40,504
Um, and the moment I was about
to do what I was going to do,
464
00:23:40,804 --> 00:23:42,209
I had that still voice of like.
465
00:23:42,779 --> 00:23:47,340
Um, I call it the voice of God, where
he was like, Vivian, you don't need to
466
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:49,350
do anything that you're going to do.
467
00:23:49,350 --> 00:23:51,479
I've called you for something greater.
468
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,199
You know, everything that you've been
through is something that is going
469
00:23:55,199 --> 00:23:57,370
to save the world, like, you know.
470
00:23:58,070 --> 00:23:59,180
I'm here for you.
471
00:23:59,570 --> 00:24:04,670
And then that moment I was
like, okay, there's something
472
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:06,320
more that I needed to do.
473
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:11,420
But fast forward that even, even going
through what I was going through, I've
474
00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:14,690
always had people coming to me for advice.
475
00:24:15,230 --> 00:24:20,120
Always, like in the midst of all that
pain, I would always have strangers coming
476
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,250
to me, talking to me about their problems.
477
00:24:22,430 --> 00:24:25,790
So that's when I knew there was
something that I needed to do.
478
00:24:26,060 --> 00:24:30,650
But because I was trying to figure
out what it is, what was wrong with
479
00:24:30,650 --> 00:24:34,520
me, because I didn't understand what
was wrong with me, why am I always
480
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,680
losing important people in my life?
481
00:24:36,770 --> 00:24:36,860
Mm-hmm.
482
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:39,380
Why am I always losing things or why?
483
00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:41,450
Why are people always leaving me?
484
00:24:41,870 --> 00:24:44,420
Clearly there's something wrong, but.
485
00:24:44,564 --> 00:24:47,414
Regardless of me trying
to figure that out.
486
00:24:47,534 --> 00:24:52,455
They, even when I was like 17 in
school, people would always come to me
487
00:24:52,455 --> 00:24:53,985
and talk to me about their problems.
488
00:24:54,824 --> 00:24:58,245
That's when I knew that I was
supposed to be a life coach.
489
00:24:58,754 --> 00:25:00,104
That's when I knew, yeah.
490
00:25:00,104 --> 00:25:00,374
Go.
491
00:25:01,664 --> 00:25:02,054
Speaker: Yeah.
492
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:02,384
Okay.
493
00:25:02,384 --> 00:25:07,184
So you, so you, you go through
your, your second miscarriage, and
494
00:25:07,184 --> 00:25:08,594
then you start to get some help.
495
00:25:09,164 --> 00:25:09,254
Yeah.
496
00:25:09,254 --> 00:25:13,904
And then you become, you actually
become the person doing the helping.
497
00:25:15,470 --> 00:25:16,190
Speaker 2: Exactly.
498
00:25:16,340 --> 00:25:21,919
Like I said, my story is so
long is so, so, so, so, so long.
499
00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:28,129
And then I think for me is when I started
going into schools and actually helping
500
00:25:28,129 --> 00:25:33,500
young girls really love themselves and
help them to find their confidence, that's
501
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:37,550
when I then realized that life coaching
was something that I wanted to do.
502
00:25:37,790 --> 00:25:38,149
Mm-hmm.
503
00:25:38,389 --> 00:25:40,129
Those little girls reminded of.
504
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,440
Reminded me of me growing
up when I had nobody.
505
00:25:43,650 --> 00:25:48,810
So I vowed that I was gonna be the one
to help those little girls grow up and
506
00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:53,400
love themselves and not deal with the
pain or the traumas that I went through.
507
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,950
And then, so it started off
with, uh, helping the little
508
00:25:55,950 --> 00:25:59,460
girls and then eventually I
realized that it was actually.
509
00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:04,490
Elder women that I was called to
help, like the women, the younger
510
00:26:04,490 --> 00:26:06,290
girls were like the starting point.
511
00:26:06,290 --> 00:26:10,010
I went to schools, did what I did,
and then afterwards I realized that
512
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,600
actually older women, they click a lot
more better with me in terms of like
513
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:19,580
the understanding, the connection, it's
a lot more easier and it's relatable,
514
00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,860
and so that's when I went into having.
515
00:26:22,685 --> 00:26:26,764
My first charity organization called
Safe Haven Women's Organization,
516
00:26:26,764 --> 00:26:30,034
where I was helping women that have
been through domestic abuse and
517
00:26:30,034 --> 00:26:35,495
violence and helping them get back
into training education, whether it
518
00:26:35,495 --> 00:26:37,745
is businesses that they wanted to do.
519
00:26:38,074 --> 00:26:41,465
And then from then that's when
I was, okay, this is my thing,
520
00:26:41,465 --> 00:26:43,235
because it helped a lot of women.
521
00:26:43,504 --> 00:26:46,925
And then from then it went
on to being like working with
522
00:26:46,925 --> 00:26:51,125
individual people as well alongside
the group charity that I was.
523
00:26:51,235 --> 00:26:51,895
Doing.
524
00:26:52,195 --> 00:26:55,975
And then from then it was like,
okay, let's have a podcast about, you
525
00:26:55,975 --> 00:26:58,104
know, healing and stuff like that.
526
00:26:58,104 --> 00:27:00,115
And that's why I've got
the, my wellness therapy.
527
00:27:00,115 --> 00:27:03,594
So my wellness therapy is the
life coaching services that
528
00:27:03,594 --> 00:27:05,885
I'm doing alongside my, um.
529
00:27:06,634 --> 00:27:06,965
Brain.
530
00:27:06,965 --> 00:27:11,344
And then from then it's like,
okay, we have a book like this.
531
00:27:11,344 --> 00:27:17,014
My story is so long, let's turn my
book into a self, uh, a self-help
532
00:27:17,014 --> 00:27:20,705
book that will help other people
heal from their traumas and
533
00:27:20,705 --> 00:27:22,774
that will help them really see.
534
00:27:22,924 --> 00:27:26,164
So the book is like
wanting somebody to see.
535
00:27:26,254 --> 00:27:29,824
Themselves in me and be relatable.
536
00:27:29,824 --> 00:27:35,014
So the book is called The Invisible Girl,
um, because I've always felt invisible
537
00:27:35,284 --> 00:27:40,205
and, um, it's gonna help people with
their healing traumas and stuff like that.
538
00:27:40,504 --> 00:27:42,995
So yeah, that's literally
just the summary.
539
00:27:43,695 --> 00:27:43,934
Love.
540
00:27:44,114 --> 00:27:44,264
I
541
00:27:44,264 --> 00:27:44,834
Speaker: love this.
542
00:27:44,834 --> 00:27:47,324
I love learning about you and I
think we'll have to have you back
543
00:27:47,324 --> 00:27:49,215
on in June when that book comes out.
544
00:27:49,664 --> 00:27:55,574
And I just wanna say, so I love your
heart and I feel like a connection with
545
00:27:55,574 --> 00:28:01,754
you because you know, you, when you
were talking about going into schools
546
00:28:01,754 --> 00:28:05,174
and working with those little girls
so that they really love themselves.
547
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:10,115
That's what, that's the feeling
that I have for women my age.
548
00:28:10,115 --> 00:28:10,205
Right?
549
00:28:10,445 --> 00:28:14,885
Like I just feel like I just want you
to love yourself and so we are like
550
00:28:14,885 --> 00:28:17,465
getting a little bit going over time.
551
00:28:17,885 --> 00:28:21,665
Wanna ask you, I know like we don't
have a ton of time left, but what
552
00:28:21,665 --> 00:28:27,784
would be like one quick little tip
to help a woman love themself more?
553
00:28:30,455 --> 00:28:32,915
Speaker 2: I would say
choosing themselves.
554
00:28:35,195 --> 00:28:36,514
Speaker: Say more about that.
555
00:28:37,174 --> 00:28:41,914
Speaker 2: So in order, so if
you, um, choosing yourself means
556
00:28:41,914 --> 00:28:45,574
walking away from things you know
that no longer serves you anymore.
557
00:28:45,844 --> 00:28:47,945
That is the first step
of you loving yourself.
558
00:28:47,945 --> 00:28:53,344
So walking away from a toxic, toxic
relationship that is you choosing yourself
559
00:28:53,344 --> 00:28:55,834
and that is formal of you loving yourself.
560
00:28:56,074 --> 00:28:57,965
You like walking away from.
561
00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:02,800
SP habits, things you know that are not
good for you, you're choosing yourself.
562
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,280
That is you again, you
know, loving yourself.
563
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:12,220
So walking away from things, situations
that you know are unhealthy, and
564
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,470
learning to set healthy boundaries.
565
00:29:14,770 --> 00:29:19,570
That is a form of you choosing
yourself, yourself, and loving yourself.
566
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,930
Speaker: I love, I love the way you put
that, and I haven't heard it that way
567
00:29:22,930 --> 00:29:27,160
before, because immediately when you
said that, I thought, oh, boundaries.
568
00:29:27,739 --> 00:29:31,070
But it's a, I like
saying choosing yourself.
569
00:29:31,519 --> 00:29:36,560
I like that thought way better
than shut up your boundaries.
570
00:29:37,009 --> 00:29:42,050
I mean, you know, you need to, but
doesn't it just seem, um, more positive,
571
00:29:42,050 --> 00:29:43,820
more healing to say choose yourself.
572
00:29:44,419 --> 00:29:47,480
Yeah, literally you're a
daughter of the king, right?
573
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:48,620
I mean, we are.
574
00:29:49,189 --> 00:29:52,669
So choose yourself so that you
can go out and serve the world.
575
00:29:53,030 --> 00:29:53,929
Speaker 2: Exactly.
576
00:29:53,929 --> 00:29:58,070
And then, you know, when I said to you
I was fine, I was waiting for something
577
00:29:58,070 --> 00:30:02,780
and I was in such of something out
there, and the lesson I learned was
578
00:30:02,784 --> 00:30:04,879
that I, I needed to choose myself.
579
00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:05,610
Speaker: Yes.
580
00:30:05,610 --> 00:30:06,210
Amen.
581
00:30:06,210 --> 00:30:07,200
That's the biggest one.
582
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,920
And I'm so thankful that came in
right at the end of our podcast.
583
00:30:11,245 --> 00:30:11,855
Literally.
584
00:30:13,050 --> 00:30:15,000
Ian, I just wanna thank you so much.
585
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,110
I'm sorry we didn't get to see you
on camera, but for all the listeners,
586
00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:22,770
your beautiful voice rang through and
I'm so thankful that you were here.
587
00:30:22,860 --> 00:30:27,930
And we will have, um, your
information in my show notes.
588
00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:32,135
So I just, um, make sure that people can
reach out to you if they want to connect.
589
00:30:33,110 --> 00:30:37,670
Speaker 2: Thank you so much and I cannot
wait to be next on your show as well
590
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,890
Speaker: in June when that
book, I've got a book coming out
591
00:30:39,890 --> 00:30:41,840
too, so yes, we'll chat more.
592
00:30:42,650 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 2: Exactly.
593
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,220
Thank you so much and you need
to come to my show as well.
594
00:30:46,220 --> 00:30:48,440
I, 'cause I feel like
there's a story there.
595
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,580
There's a story there.
596
00:30:49,910 --> 00:30:50,629
Speaker: I would love it.
597
00:30:50,629 --> 00:30:51,200
I would love it.
598
00:30:51,230 --> 00:30:52,190
All right my dear.
599
00:30:52,190 --> 00:30:53,870
You take good care and thank you.
600
00:30:53,875 --> 00:30:54,065
You too.
601
00:30:54,530 --> 00:30:56,540
Take care boy.
602
00:30:56,545 --> 00:30:56,855
Bye-Bye.