Most of us think boundaries fail because our words aren't firm enough. Boundaries coach Barb Nangle returns to The Mindful Journey to explain why boundaries actually collapse when we don't feel safe enough inside ourselves to hold them.
Barb walks through the moment at 52 that led her into twelve-step recovery, how codependency and victim mentality show up in subtle everyday ways, and how learning to build internal safety helped her heal her relationship with food and with other people.
About the Guest:
Barb Nangle is a boundaries coach, speaker, author, and podcast host who helps women build internal safety. Her own twelve-step recovery journey, beginning at 52, led her to understand codependency, intergenerational trauma, and compulsive overeating. She hosts the podcast Fragmented to Whole and is based in New Haven, Connecticut.
Key Takeaways:
- Boundaries fail less because of the words we use and more because we don't feel safe enough inside to hold them.
- A concrete boundary is clear, not rigid; think of a fence with a gate, not a wall.
- Victim mentality can be subtle. Saying "if only they would" is still handing your power away.
- Discomfort doesn't mean danger. Someone else's upset feelings are not proof you did something wrong.
- There are two kinds of discomfort: the discomfort of dysfunction that gets worse over time, and the discomfort of growth that eventually fades.
- Boundaries are less about saying no and more about saying yes to what you actually need.
Connect With the Guest:
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Cold Open (approx.) - Why boundaries really collapse
[03:00] The Snowstorm That Changed Everything (approx.) - hitting a co-dependent bottom at 52
[08:00] Discovering Codependency and ACA (approx.) - intergenerational trauma and childhood emotional abandonment
[14:00] The Subtle Face of Victim Mentality (approx.) - "if only they would" and giving away your power
[19:00] Boundaries as the Antidote (approx.) - getting to know yourself and reclaiming choice
[24:00] Food, Shame, and Compulsive Overeating (approx.) - how boundaries showed up in recovery from food addiction
[28:00] Building Internal Safety (approx.) - discomfort of dysfunction versus discomfort of growth
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