Marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, is back again! Today we are talking about how to tell your parents and loved ones that you are getting divorced. Brian has some fantastic advice about navigating family relationships during divorce and creating an intentional message that you and your spouse will share with loved ones. We also talk about maintaining relationships with your ex-family if desired. Brian discusses how to approach telling adult children about a divorce decision and how it may be harder for them than younger children to understand the decision. Tune in today for great tips!
In this episode:
[2:38] How do you navigate family relationships during divorce?
[5:06] How do you make a plan to tell your families that you’ll be getting divorced? [7:40] Communicating the divorce decision when there isn’t a “big reason” why the divorce is happening. [10:48] Creating an intentional message about what you share to your loved ones. [14:19] Tips to maintain relationships with your ex-family. [16:13] How do you approach your adult children about your divorce decision? [18:44] Sharing news on social media about your marriage ending. [22:41] Brian provides his best piece of advice when telling loved ones about divorce.
Key Takeaways:
Have a plan about the message that you want to put out to the world. Hopeful and positive, sharing the bad news of what’s happening in a way that gives enough information to help people understand, but not so much that it violates privacy and hurts people. Talk to your families about your expectations of continued relationships. For example, that you won’t tolerate any negative talk in front of your children about your ex-spouse. With minor children, adult children, and family, you cannot put them in the middle. For adult children, your divorce may be harder for them, as they can feel the emotional weight of the decision.
Quotes:
“As adults we recognize the gravity and emotional weight of things like this, where younger children just don’t have the capacity to really contemplate things that heavy.” - Brian Burns
“Nothing that we're gonna say is more important than love and the care that we have for you, for our family, for our kids, for each other, even though it's bad news. And that just set the tone for continuing relationships. Nothing that we say is going to get in the way of our relationships.” - Brian Burns
Guest Bio:
I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.
Resources:
Brian Burns Website
Bad Weather Podcast
The Grey Divorce Podcast Episode
Lesa Koski Website
Lesa’s Online Courses
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