Episode Summary

Sean Robinson, author of Going Dry: My Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking, joins the Unshakable Habits Podcast.

Sean started with a simple dry January challenge. He got completely sober, lost 100 pounds, and changed his view of masculinity.

That’s not to say it was easy. Sean quickly learned the challenges of creating new habits that went against the social norms of his environment.

During our interview, Sean explains how he used minor changes to create a healthier lifestyle and overcome his old beliefs and patterns.

Tune in and discover how you can also take that first small step towards becoming unshakable.

https://ownyourcalendarpodcast.com/episode/redefining-masculinity-how-setting-boundaries-and-connecting-to-a-larger-purpose-can-transform-your-life-with-sean-robinson

Key Topics

• How societal expectations make it harder for men to make positive changes.
• How Sean's Dry January challenge led to even bigger changes, including losing 100 lbs.
• The importance of setting boundaries and staying connected to a larger purpose.
• The challenge of not falling back into old routines when making lifestyle changes - such as embracing sobriety.
• Asking yourself better questions and creating a new identity. 

Guest Bio

Sean Robinson, author of "Going Dry: My Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking" is a 38 year old husband, father of 3, electrician and firefighter. Having grown up, worked and lived in mostly male driven environments, it was his belief that he had to be tough to fit in. Toughness that made him believe he couldn't change who I was. Changing his habits around drinking alcohol would help direct himself to the person he always wanted to be.

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(Not in a season) 28

Hey guys.

Welcome back to the Unshakeable Habits Podcast.

I know it has been a while since we released new episodes, but.

There's a very good reason for that.

I'm gonna touch on that here in just a few minutes, but before I do that, I

wanted to tell you what we have in store for today's episode of the podcast.

I had a chance to interview Sean Robinson and Sean had this experience

where he started with a dry January challenge, gave up alcohol.

It was never meant to be a long term thing.

But it became a long-term thing and Sean used that to get completely sober.

He used that as a springboard to start making other positive changes in his

life, including losing a hundred pounds.

So Sean shares a lot of his story, and we actually spent a lot of time

talking about some of the struggles.

That Sean went through, and I know I've gone through this myself in

different situations, and I'm sure you guys have as well, where being

in an environment with other men was not necessarily conducive to change.

Right.

There's a lot of, how do I say there?

There's a lot of issues where as men, we've been kind of taught

that we don't ask for help.

We're not supposed to encourage each other.

We're supposed to put each other down.

And this is the old way of thinking of masculinity, right?

And some people call this toxic masculinity.

I don't think there's anything toxic about masculinity.

I hate that term.

But what I do think is that there are some things that is men that we've been taught,

this society has told us that we should be doing that absolutely hold us back.

And we need to let go of those things as men.

And one of those things is being willing to ask for help.

So Sean and I actually talked a lot about that.

Now I wanna be very clear.

This is not this new age.

Men are supposed to be soft kind of stuff that you hear a lot about now.

We actually found a really good balance, I feel, in this conversation where we

talked about letting go of some of those old beliefs, some of those old patterns,

while also maintaining our masculinity.

So that was something that was really important to me and I think

it was important to Sean that we also kept that tone to it as well.

So hope you guys enjoy the interview today.

Before I get you to that, I just wanted to give you a really quick update on

what was going on with the podcast.

So, as you guys know, and I mentioned earlier, it's been a while since we

recorded a new episode, and the reason for that was I wasn't really happy

with where the podcast was going.

You get a lot of great feedback on it, but it just didn't feel right

to me, and I'm really big on it.

Sometimes we have to trust our instincts and so I sat on it, I prayed on it.

I let myself sit in silence.

And allowed it to come to me, and it did.

It came to me.

Guys, I've realized I've been holding off on something that I'm

personally very passionate about, and that's helping men to prioritize

their physical and mental wellbeing.

Now, why is that important?

It's not about six pack abs or big muscles or anything else.

It's because I believe that when we help men, Become the best version of

themselves physically and mentally.

They become better husbands, they become better fathers, and they

become better leaders at home, at work, and in their communities.

And when we can help men do those things, we make the world a better place because

guys, as I alluded to earlier, it's important that we embrace our masculinity.

It's important that we claim that masculine energy that we have as men.

That doesn't mean that we have to bring along all the baggage, that

masculinity is included over the years.

It doesn't mean that we have to do things on our own.

Doesn't mean we have to suck it up.

It just means that as men, we have a certain energy that we bring to the table.

And society right now, I feel like is trying to take that away from us.

So I wanted to really put this episode out is the very first relaunch episode

cuz I love this topic where we are talking about this idea of how do we

move forward, claim our masculinity, yet let go of the patterns and the

beliefs that have held us back.

So I hope you guys are loving that idea.

I hope that you're as passionate about it as I am.

Without further ado, let's jump into this thing.

Are you ready to break free from your old habits and create a better

life for yourself and those around you?

If so, welcome to Unshakable Habits, the podcast dedicated to helping

men be better husbands, fathers, and leaders by prioritizing their

physical and mental wellbeing.

Each week we'll look at health from a 360 degree perspective with

inspiring stories and practical strategies for building unshakable

habits that'll transform your life.

Join Stephen Box, a board certified health and wellness coach, and

let's change the world together.

One habit at a time.

allow me to introduce my guest today, Mr.

Sean Robinson.

Sean, welcome.

Thanks, Stephen.

I appreciate it.

I've been, looking forward to, our conversation.

You have this story that I think so many guys can relate to.

yeah, I definitely don't feel like it's, it's a unique story.

I've worked, construction and I'm electrician by trade.

I've done that about 15 years on the volunteer fire department, near where

I live in, Eastern Ontario, Canada.

but this will be my 20th year.

So, my upbringing and family I've always had that, you know, do it yourself,

get it done, don't talk about it.

And, the environments I've been in with, with careers and

family, it's been very much.

you know, tough masculine, get it done.

Don't complain, don't talk about it.

No feelings.

So, I feel very experienced in keeping things bottled up and not, not exposing,

we'll call it weakness or vulnerability.

Yeah, I think, especially when you are in those type of

environments, it's made even worse, right?

Because now you have other people that have been brought up the

same way and no one wants to admit that they feel differently.

Absolutely.

It's, the common theme with a lot of the, the personalities and whether

you have that personality or not.

You, you fall in line to a degree with.

With kind of the way that, that, everybody is, you know,

we're not talking about things.

We're not, you know, we're not talking about Unshakable habits

at all in those environments.

And, you know, to work on yourself and, and ask questions whether someone is

or not, you're not talking about it.

you don't want to expose that you're, you're feeling like you

could use a hand or that, you know, you might have information that

somebody else might benefit from.

And, and, There's a lot in, you know, coming away from that environment or to

come out in that environment and say, listen, I'm not feeling great today and

this is where I'm at and I've got these habits that I'm wanting to work on.

And, there's a lot of pressure to just stay in your lane and keep living

the same way where I've come from.

Yeah, and I think something else that we see, and even,

in like a corporate environment, people might see this, right?

Where because people don't wanna talk about their feelings, it's hard for

them to try to make these changes.

A lot of times when you do start trying to make these changes, the the amount

of ridicule that you get right everyone wants to keep you kind of at their level

because they, they feel bad that they're not doing these things and they're

like, no, no, no, I don't want anybody else going to do stuff cuz then I'm

gonna feel like I have to do something.

Yeah, and the men, and they're women too in construction,

so I'm not generalizing that way.

But, you know, it's a lot of the men that are given the hard times, they're, you

know, you're bothering your buddies and there's questioning sexualities and all

these things, and all the harshness of it.

And you're not gonna talk about, you know, the latest podcast or the, the

new books you're reading or self-help.

Don't even mention the two words together in that environment, cuz all of a sudden

you're gonna, you know, the, you're gonna have your picture drawn on the

bath, the porta-potty wall, and you know, all the things that happen in

construction and, you know, it's a lot harder on you than, than saying anything.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's kind of crazy, man.

So, kind of take us back to like, what was that like for you?

Like your, obviously at some point you, you started kind of realizing

I wanna make some changes, right.

But you didn't really feel like you could say anything.

So what was it like in that moment for you?

I think, I wasn't sure yet what I help, I

needed or what to even ask for.

So in those environments where we're not talking about it, for me to not even know

what was out there and what I needed.

You know, it was hard to find a starting point.

you know, my, my dad was talking about some upbringing.

He's, he was a mechanic by trade, or is a mechanic by trade and, you know, he

was brought up in that environment too.

So a lot of the generational stuff was, was, was in the background

on top of, you know, where, where I came from, from, career stuff.

So, you know, to realize that I had an issue, I didn't even

know that I had that issue.

I didn't realize that.

The thinking about where my mentality was, and this is just who I am.

that it took me a bit to get to a point where I acknowledged the fact

that that was where my mind was.

That, I had fixed a problem that I wasn't sure at that point I even had, right when

this started for me it was, and when we talked in our, our pre-interview, it was

like, where was the real moment that that.

That just cried for change and my weight.

I had been up and down like anybody, dieting, anybody, you know, most of us,

we've gone up and down and, and I was at a point where I was at my greatest, I'd lost

50 to 80 pounds and put it back on, but I was 320 pounds and was feeling awful.

I was so negative.

Everything felt like, You know, there was success around me and, you know, when

was it gonna fall in my lap and very, very down and out about where I was at.

I didn't know where to go for help, but I wasn't gonna ask for it either cuz it was

just brought up in me with my background and my circles to just figure it out, deal

with it, move on, and it wasn't working.

But I couldn't ask to fix it.

So it was like very much caught in this situation that was

never gonna repair itself right?

Until, I acknowledged that I needed to do something, it wasn't gonna fix itself.

So getting to that point and thinking I'm overweight, I'm not feeling great.

I, for whatever reason, whatever inspiration around me, I started

thinking about journaling.

So I took this notebook and I just started venting in it.

You know, why can't I figure this out?

Why isn't this gonna fix itself?

I'm better than this.

Like, just really not nice and, having some really dark, like, confused moments.

And, I learned a lot about journaling later.

And, I'll touch on that, but you know, in the beginning it was just place for me to.

Put this down on paper and vent and say, you know, not see any judgment from it.

Not, get that like, you know, from the, the coworker or from the family,

or from people that just weren't in the same situation, didn't understand.

It was just a place for me to, to outlet and not have to

hear, you know, anything back.

as things went on, I learned a lot more about journaling and, record

keeping and just tracking consistent.

it became a lot better for me later.

It was a good starting point, but I wasn't gonna talk about it.

So as, I mean, I talk about it with my, circles.

So when I decided to stop drinking, it was not because I felt like there

was a problem with my drinking.

I felt like it was a good starting point, dry January.

It was just gonna be, you know, that first thing that I could do to, you know, get

some clarity and start some new habits.

As I started to do that, looking back, it was almost like that was, my

first permission to myself to accept some other things, you know, going

to functions and not having drinks.

you know, past the two week window in dry January where resolutions fall

off, I stayed with it and it was Challenging myself in those environments

and those situations to not have drinks and not be a certain way.

It was I could be a different person.

I could be the person that doesn't drink at a function well.

I could be the person starts to lose weight and stick with it.

I could be the person that has successful resolutions.

once I started asking more positive questions and reflecting on how

I felt about it, was more where I allowed that identity to change.

Yeah, it's interesting cuz you know, one of the things we

talk about a lot on the show is this idea of, what I call connected health,

it revolves around this idea that health is more than just physical.

Physical is one sixth of the equation, right?

There's also mental health, there's emotional health, there's relationships,

there's environment, there's, you know, spiritual health or, or being

connected to something larger than you.

and you kind of touched on that, right?

Where you made really what was in the beginning more an environmental

change, maybe a little bit of relationship stuff in there.

Also, because you obviously had to be around certain people to kind

of get away with not drinking, but.

Ultimately it started to turn into more of a mental thing.

Right now it's more of a mental challenge for you and then the emotional aspect

comes in cuz you start kind of feeling more confident in your ability to do this.

You start feeling better about yourself, your self-confidence starts to go up

and then you started to see that have positive physical benefits and, and I

think that that's just a really great illustration to help people see how

even something really small that you don't think will necessarily lead to an

end result ken have such a big impact because all these things tie together.

yeah, definitely.

And, I don't think like we realize how important the small things are

to the bigger things and when I started and I, learned more about

habits and creating positive change.

You know, it was, kind of the first thing for me to decide, like, choose something.

So, you know, I wanted to get better at brushing my teeth.

So I thought, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this twice a day.

I'm gonna document it on the calendar, a couple check marks, morning and night,

and, and count how many days in a row.

And I was seeing all these check marks and things, and, and as, as it got

to, you know, over a hundred days.

I tested myself to, you know, okay, now I'm gonna stop documenting it and just

see if this, this thing sticks, right?

Because all the 21 days, 60 days to break a habit, a hundred

days changes of lifestyle, you know, and wanted to test it out.

So once I stopped writing it on the calendar, there's no more check

marks for that particular item.

it was a lifestyle.

I couldn't leave my house in the morning without doing it.

I couldn't go to bed without doing it.

I'd be in bed and be like, no, I gotta go.

I forgot to do it.

I got to go do it.

So, I, brushed my teeth and like, You know, it went from something so

small to, you know, doing the kinds of things that, that allowed me to lose

a hundred pounds, like you mentioned, and, and you know, you, you snowball

and compound all of these small habits and all these small changes over time.

You know, it gives you a lot better result in the end, you know?

Yep.

Yeah, and, and the thing I thing that you kind of touched on too is

a, and this is a think an important tip for a lot of guys out there is.

You can start with something that kind of has that manly feel to it, right?

So if you were to go to your, your buddies at the firehouse and you're

like, oh, you know, I'm doing this dry January challenge, right?

You're not gonna get as much slack from that because you're doing a challenge.

Right.

It's something that's, that's meant to be hard.

You're just, you're testing yourself versus if you go, you know what,

man, I just, I, I'm just gonna stop drinking because, you know, I just

think they'll be healthy for me to stop, like unlimited ribbing at that point.

Right.

yeah, that, that was, that was the book that, that I had wrote.

it was, You could do dry January.

Like I said, in the beginning, it was just, it was a challenge.

Absolutely.

And then, you know, once you get into February, it's like, okay,

well dry February's thing too.

That's kind of a challenge.

All right.

I'm surprised you're still doing it, but, okay, well, we can handle that.

But then once we got out of those two, like dry months where there's,

you know, a lot of marketing for, for this change, it was like that.

It was like, well, no, you're fine now.

You, you did it like what?

You wanna do it longer?

Why would you do that to yourself?

And it was like, you know, it wasn't.

well where, where I wanted to go with it.

Yet I didn't know how long I was gonna not drink for or not do certain things.

But it was like, yeah, as soon as I got outta those, you

know, we call it easier months.

It was, you know, people didn't know how to react to it.

It was like, you know, it was confusing that someone they knew.

Was just not gonna do a certain thing anymore or not be a certain way anymore.

And, and while they can't be in my head it was, you know, it was

difficult for me because I was in my head to handle how I was gonna deal

with it and, express to them what was going on so they could understand.

Yeah, you bring up a good point there As you're making these

changes, obviously people around you are, are kind of paying attention.

You start getting the questions, what was the difference between the

actual reaction that you got from people versus the reaction that

you were going to get in your head?

There was, you know, there was some mixed reactions.

There was, there was people that were proud of me right there, there was

people that, that, you know, saw the changes that maybe I didn't quite

realize yet in, in my attitudes and, and things as, as, as it went on.

And, and there were, were people that were, you know, maybe

disappointed, you know, in, in my book and in the background.

good friend of mine was, was getting married and, and.

Covid had postponed his wedding to a point where it fell within

my window of not drinking.

And we used to drink together all the time.

So during, you know, this journey, every time there was a function

pre-wedding, you know, getting fitted for the suits and you know, the, the

different showers and celebrations ahead of time, I wasn't gonna drink.

And every time it was like, you better drink at my wedding.

You better drink at my wedding.

And, and, and you know, his reaction, to answer your question, like a few

others were disappointed because I wasn't doing a certain thing anymore.

So there was yeah, the mixed reaction where proud people and, and

disappointed people and, and, and I was in the middle cuz I was, I.

Very happy with, with the progression I had made to a certain point, but I

was also, you know, I was brought up or I thought I was in this mindset

that I had to, you know, be the biggest host in the room and the

biggest participant with this thing.

And if there's shots and celebration and, and toasts, you know, and,

you know, for, you know, speaking to alcohol, it was like, I, I

had to be that, that person, so.

I didn't know, and I felt like I was letting myself down a bit by not

participating in those things until I got to a point where, you know,

I realized that people aren't as worried about those things as we are.

You know, I was the one that felt I had to be the biggest participant.

It wasn't that other people, you know, were expecting that.

And although they, they may have, once I had set my boundaries, you know, they.

We're fine with it, you know, it, there was less and less anxiety

felt by me because of how they were handling the situation than

than I put on myself originally.

Yeah, I think a big part of that too, like you mentioned your

friend getting married, and I think that for so many guys, they have people

in their lives that have just come to expect certain things of them, right?

they expect you to be a certain way.

And so there's this fear that when you're doing something different, that suddenly

you're going to become a different person.

Right.

And so now it's like, oh, well here's my wedding coming up, and, and, and my

best friend here might be a different person because he's not drinking.

Yeah, yeah.

In, in my book, in the beginning and, and.

Just to, to touch on that for a second.

I journaled throughout this whole thing, and once I decided to take a year, off

of drinking, I, I, I got it 10 months in and thought like this journal, this, this

book that I have for myself, someone out there can use this, someone can use this

exact experience and take pieces from what I went through and what I documented for

myself and, and apply it to themselves.

The challenge I faced, the anxieties I felt, the, you know, the tools I used and,

you know, I, I talked about these rules and a lot of my rules were just, They

weren't rules to make it hard for myself.

They were just a couple things to keep me focused.

Like I, I wanted to have a good time, you know, one of my rules was have fun,

and that, that to me was just not hide from it, you know, not stay at home,

not, you know, avoid things because, I was afraid how I was gonna handle it.

It was, I wanted to go to these things.

I just needed to, to know how I was gonna deal with myself in this situation.

another was to, you know, basically not be the guy in the corner drinking

water, right, to participate.

So not just go out to this thing, but like, you know, if I have to pour it into

a solo cup, cuz everybody else is a solo cup, it was at least to participate, to

look the part and not feel like I had to have those couple drinks first because it

was in my head that I had to have them.

It wasn't that anybody else knew.

Right.

We don't gauge each other all night and all of a sudden, you know, someone

loosens up that if you think that, oh, they've had a couple, they're fine.

When you can turn that switch on anytime.

Right.

Once we realize we don't need that substance or that situation to

happen before we can be a certain way, you know, it opens that door

for, you know, taking that away.

Yeah.

And, and I think something you just touched on there is, you know, for a lot

of us, we tell ourselves stories, right?

It's, well, I have to have a few drinks to loosen up, right?

Or, you know, I have to, you know, eat certain foods in order to kind

of fit in and, and whatever, right?

And so, We do those things because we fear that taking those things away

will make us become a different person.

And, and so like you said, it's just like, how do you kind

of walk through that process?

Say, what things can I do to make sure that I stayed that same

person despite changing this habit?

And, and you're able to do that,

Yeah, it took some, you know, some trial and error on

my part to figure out how I could be the same, you know, comfortable the

same way without it as, as I did with it and, And honestly, we're talking

about having a couple drinks, but like, this is kind of, this applies to

anything that we want to change, right?

If we're talking about, you know, coffee break at work and you're always

getting a few cookies cuz they're from the food truck or from the cafeteria,

wherever you, you know, your environment.

it's, it's the way James Clear talks in atomic habits and, you know,

different, you know, habit forming.

It's like you take one thing away that you're used to doing in a situation.

You know, you have to replace it with something or you have to, you know, see

what led you to want to, to do that, the way that you're used to doing it?

Yeah.

So now are you still sober?

Have you gone back to drinking?

No, I'm still not drinking.

I'm more and more not on the break that I, you know, started by, in the book.

I, you know, it was, it was always just a, a break.

It was.

I wasn't sure what I was doing.

And, and yeah, I've, I've maintained, I, I haven't wanted to, to go back.

I've found I'm a lot more, I'm a lot healthier.

I'm a lot more comfortable in the environments, not, not having it.

And honestly, there's a lot more, it's a lot more acceptable now

than I think it's ever been.

And there's more non-alcoholic mocktails and craft beers and stuff

that are 0% that you can kind of look more of the part without having

the, The effects of of alcohol.

Yeah, I mean, when it comes to alcohol in particular,

man, I think it's such a, a, a tough conversation for a lot of people, right?

I mean, I've personally never got into drinking, so it just, it never

appealed to me, and as I, got into like, college, started, you know,

working after college, things like that.

There was a lot of social pressure from people to drink, and it got to a point

where I started finding it easier to tell people that I was recovering alcoholic

than to tell them that I just don't drink.

They were actually more accepting of me saying that I'm a recovering

alcoholic than me saying that I just make a conscious decision to not drink.

Yeah, definitely this.

So to to pay respect for, you know, for a minute there's, you know,

everyone's dealing with their own thing.

And substances and addictions or, you know, it, it, I'd give everybody benefit

of the doubt and hope that, you know, that they find the help they need.

But

Yeah.

there was a time, I agree with you a hundred percent, if it

would've been easier for me to, to have it mandated that I'm not drank or mandated

that I not do a certain thing or, or to.

You recovering, you know, alcoholic or something, like, it would've been

easier exactly for me to say that to someone because then the pressure's gone.

They're like, oh, okay.

And then they're all quiet and awkward about it.

Whereas if, if for me to just say, I'm not gonna do this anymore, it's like, well, I.

Why not?

And you know, if you want to quit having donuts, people are more

acceptable for you not eating donuts than they are not having drinks.

Because, you know, when we get to someone's house or we get to a

function or you know, a party or wedding, like it's almost, you know,

part of what you have to, to do.

It's just easier.

Someone goes your house, oh, you don't want to drink?

Like, let's have a beer together and it's all fine.

It's not, it's not to take that from people.

You know, I just, and then I don't need people to feel weird.

Like even just the other day there was, you know, some friends that were like,

oh, you know, you're, you're that guy now.

Like, well, no, I don't need you to not drink cuz I'm not like, do your thing.

Right.

You're like, I don't care.

You can drink

all you want.

I don't feel like I have to have it anymore because someone else does.

And that's with anything.

I'm not gonna have a piece of cake because someone feels it's, you know, necessary.

If I want one, then I'll have one.

I think, you know, that's one when we talk about, you know, connecting

to things bigger than us, I, I think that's why it's so important, right?

Because there's going to be a lot of times that you will be challenged where.

Other people feel uncomfortable and it makes you uncomfortable that you're

making other people uncomfortable

and, and you, and you have to be connected to something bigger than you, to a

bigger purpose than just, I'm doing this just because in order to stick with it.

Yeah, there was, there was times, and like part of my rules,

right, like having fun and being involved, you know, there was a few from, from

work that were going to, Niagara Falls.

So we were doing a, a guys trip for work and I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna go.

So there was five of us that went and there was, you know, these were work

buddies, so, know, there was times, you know, this, this weekend where as

soon as we left the one guy's like, oh, you're gonna, you're gonna drink with us.

I'm like, well, no, I'm, I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna drink

these 0% things, which, you know, I never did in the beginning.

Like, I wanted to lose that entire habit.

So I stayed off of anything close to it for the first nine or 10 months.

But, you know, at this, this trip, it was like, you're gonna drink with us?

Well, no, I'm, I'm not gonna, the guy was like, oh, well your wife's not here.

O okay.

That, that doesn't mean anything to what's going on.

Like the, this is, this is for me.

I'm, I'm, this is for her and my kids as well.

Like, absolutely.

But this decision, and this, this thing I'm working on, like this is important

to me and this is my own accountability.

So even though like I could have at any point, you know, went back or

snuck a beer or had something here and there, like that was, that was not.

My intention, and like you said, it's it, that's, that was the bigger purpose.

Like this was a challenge I did for myself and, and whether I could hide it or not

was, wasn't gonna help keep me accountable for what I was I was trying to achieve.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think one thing you just touched on there that a lot of people kind

of miss out on too is that it's not necessarily about the thing, right?

It, it's about what else is going on.

It's like you're doing this because you know, for whatever reason

in the beginning, but by this point you're doing it because.

It's making you a better person.

You know, I'm, I'm sure you felt like you were a better husband.

You were a better father, and you enjoyed being that better person.

And so like when, so when somebody says to you, oh, well your wife's not here,

it's like, well, okay, yeah, she's not here, but I'm not doing this or I'm not

making his decision because I fear some punishment from my wife for doing it.

Right, it's, I'm doing it because me being this person makes me a

better husband, makes me a better father, and that's who I want to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, and it, it didn't take away from the weekend at all, like, or anything

else I've done since like the, the guys had their, their nights and

there was others that, that didn't feel they had to drink as much.

You know, I've, I've felt an influence where, you know, okay, I'm not doing it.

Other people have, have not done it and I don't need people to feel

that way, but it's like, Anything.

If, if there's one person in the room that's gonna challenge, you know,

positively or negatively what's going on, you know, there will be other

people that will feel the same way that will or won't, depending on what it

is we're talking about, participate.

So, you know, I have felt the benefit.

And like I said, that weekend the guys didn't feel, I don't

believe they felt like there was any less, taken away because, you

know, we still did the things.

I wasn't the guy in the corner judging everybody, you know, I.

Now, one of my kind of rules early on, basically stemmed

around, not all of a sudden being everybody's designated driver.

You know, I was, I I took my share buy-in rounds.

I paid my share cabs and Ubers.

It was, you know, important that it, you know, I didn't want to all of

a sudden be every, like, I want to participate and I want to, you know,

give to the group, but I'm not gonna do it by, you know, being married to

the, the evening by, you know, driving everybody around and, Living that life.

Yeah.

And and I think that's a good point.

It's like when you start making changes in your life, whether it's

alcohol or anything, you have to set your boundaries on on people.

Right?

And you have to decide what do you want it to look like.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then like a lot of this would've been a lot easier if I wasn't so proud.

Of what I believed was my set mentality.

You know, if I felt like I could have asked the questions and read

the, the books and basically done everything I've done since that

moment, I've decided to change, it would've maybe made it a lot easier.

Now, maybe I would've, I've, you know, not gotten so involved

with it the way that I did.

I can't, I don't regret the way that it worked out for me, but I

can definitely share that because.

While we all have to take the pieces from, you know, all of this content

that we, we relate to, you know, that person that maybe needs that push to say,

you know, I'm just gonna ask for help.

You know, I'm just gonna reach out to Sean and say, Hey, you know, what did you do?

I'm having a hard time.

you know, I want to give that feedback.

That's why I'm here.

I.

You know, for someone like me that, you know, felt too proud to ask was

from similar environments where, you know, you're, you're caught in this,

this bubble that you're not supposed to ask, you're just supposed to fix it.

You know, we're out here and, and absolutely ask, absolutely.

Don't feel like you have to sit there and figure it out when there's lots

of content out there that speaks to the easier way of doing it.

Yeah.

So one thing we didn't really talk about, excuse me, that

you just kind of brought up is.

It was a challenge at times.

Right.

There was some difficulties with it.

So when you were starting, what do you feel were were the biggest

obstacles that you ran into?

My biggest, obstacles and, and a lot of, so the, the

title of my book, going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking.

The habitual part was the most important part in, in how I like,

and then the biggest challenge was it wasn't it, it wasn't, sorry.

It was, it was, I felt I had to have a drink or I had to do, be

doing a certain thing because of, you know, what I was doing?

I was at a wedding, it was Friday, it was, I'm barbecuing, camping.

Like there's certain things that, that I always did.

Not always, but a lot of the time did.

While or with a drink in my hand, you know, a, a friend would come

over, it's like, oh, that's Friday.

Let's have a, let's have a beer.

You know, it was like the habit portion, the routine portion.

So the, the toughest part for me was, was doing that without, You know, it

was, it was learning that I didn't need to have that, drink in my hand anymore

to, to do something a certain way.

And, and some of it felt like it was, I had to learn how to walk again.

You know, it was like I had to teach myself how to go to a, a concert,

you know, or staying overnight with some friends go to a concert

and not drink and not whatever.

So it's like, the biggest challenge was, was just relearning how to do

things that I was so used to doing.

A certain way before.

Yeah, and and I think that a lot of people find that anytime

they start trying to make changes in their life that there are so many

things that we just do on autopilot.

And we don't even think about 'em.

And, and that that's really what you're describing here is there's this

unawareness and then all of a sudden, like you start to find yourself in

situations and you're like, oh wait, I would normally have a drink right now.

Right.

Yeah.

And, and, and it's, it's like you don't, I didn't have to have that anymore.

Once I was, aware of, you know, how often I would, would grab one

or, you know, like I'm on the fire department, so like, it, it wasn't, I.

That bad for me because I was wanting to be ready to go, you know, I've done

this this long cuz I've wanted to do it.

So, you know, it wasn't that I'd, you know, just come in from work and have,

you know, as many, there was definitely some nights and I wouldn't respond to

calls if they came in, that that was part of being on the volunteer department,

but like, you know, to, to have one or two or five, like, you know, it'd get

to a certain point where that was the routine and that was what I was used to.

And we're on barbecuing, have a couple beers, why not?

You know, to, to then learn how to, you know, have something else.

You know, it didn't to have one or two.

I'm, I'm probably, I might know cuz I haven't had any, a long time.

But you're not gonna feel that, right?

You're gonna, you know, to have that.

It's, it's social, it's fine.

You move on, you know, we're in the beginning, I was doing it

to try and live a bit healthier.

You know, try and lose some weight or find some motivation and, you know, I'd learn a

lot later as I kind of suggested earlier.

There was a lot more compounding on the habits and routines.

I started to work on that.

That had led me to something much bigger.

And if I thought in the beginning I was gonna lose a hundred pounds

and be sober for two years, I would've laughed at myself.

You know, I wouldn't have done it.

So by breaking it down into such small pieces and then doing different things

and documenting it, and consistency, you know, it's led me to where I'm

at now and you know, I'm not special.

Everybody can do it this way.

Just like me.

I didn't have the tools to, you know, I didn't know how to, how to go

about starting it or maintaining it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think for a lot of people, that's always kind of the question of

like, well, where do I even start at?

Right?

I mean, Maybe they don't wanna give up drinking, maybe they just

wanna cut back on it a little bit.

Or maybe it's not even about alcohol.

Maybe it's about food for them.

Or maybe they just want to get better sleep or stress less or, or whatever.

Right?

And, and the question is always like, where do I start?

What's the first thing?

And I think so many people get caught up in this trap of.

If I'm gonna do something, I might as well go ahead and go all in, do everything.

And that means that I now need to go out and find the absolute best solution

and I need to go and implement it.

And the reality is that approach fails 99% of the time.

Yeah.

It, it does, because it, as soon as it's difficult or, you know, if it's

difficult, it'll, you might last for a week, but then, and you give up

because it was hard, you know, I was doing a hit exercise, you know, it

was like a 10,000 step hit exercise.

It, it, I felt tired and amazing afterwards, but after a couple days in

a row, you know, it, it was like I just.

Could not that I couldn't do it, but I wasn't going to

because it was so difficult.

Whereas if I would've started smaller and done something, you know, even

10 minutes, you know, it, would've probably led me to a point where I felt

good with doing this, this 10,000 step hit exercise on a consistent basis.

But because I started so big, so early and it became difficult

for me, it was easy to let it go.

I love always sharing this example of, and, and I've used this with

clients and everything over the years.

I.

Is, you know, say you're someone that you know you need to exercise,

but you hate exercise, right?

So you don't go hire a personal trainer and you don't get a perfect

detailed plan, and you don't start doing 45 minute workouts.

You put on your workout clothes,

Mm-hmm.

and then after a week of putting on your workout clothes,

maybe you actually get in the car and drive to the gym, right?

And then you sit in the parking lot.

And then after a couple days of sitting in the parking lot, you start

to go, well, this is ridiculous.

And so you go in and maybe the first day you just walk around and look at the

equipment, and then you leave, right?

And then you do, and then you keep doing that.

And eventually you go, well, this is silly.

I might as well do something while I'm here.

Right?

And so you do a couple of exercises and then you leave and then at

some point you go, you know what?

I might as well just do a real workout while I'm here.

And then you start building consistently, you start doing little workouts and next

thing you know, you're one of those crazy people that works out five days a week.

and that that whole system.

In anything, right?

Like if it's, you know, eating better or brushing your teeth, like everything

in that exact same scenario, you know, just put your shoes on like right now,

you know, I've winter blues, whatever it is, I've, you know, had a bit of

a hard time getting that workout in.

So right now I'm just going to my garage.

but I've got a 10 pound medicine ball.

I'm just picking it up, you know, I'm just going make a point to go to the

garage and just hold it for a minute.

And then I started doing some stretches with it, and then now I'm throwing

it down and like, it's, it's, it is the exact example you just used.

And, and I, I've done that, you know, 4, 5, 6 different ways for the few

things I've been able to, to work on this, this past couple years.

Yeah, I, I love the example of just like mentally

keeping yourself checked in, right?

It's like, go pick up the medicine ball.

Just hold it.

Doesn't even matter if you do anything with it.

Just, there's something about the routine of walking out there, picking

up that ball that keeps your mind, viewing you as an active person.

Yeah.

Right.

As soon as you stop going out there to pick up the ball, you now start

to develop a different identity.

Yep.

And, and to add to that, the, the one thing I just heard, and as an,

an interview with James Clear did, once again author atomic habits.

he was talking about how he doesn't like to set goals anymore.

He doesn't like to set goals, he likes to ask himself better questions.

So I found myself starting asking myself better questions and his example is,

you know, instead of saying I'm gonna lose a hundred pounds or, or I'm gonna

get more healthy, blah, whatever, you know, start to ask yourself, what would

a healthy person eat a sleeve of Oreos?

Or would a healthy person not go and pick up the medicine ball and throw it around?

You know, I found it's a lot less pressure if I'm just, you

know, thinking, am I going to eat this, you know, piece of cake?

Or, you know, would, would a healthy person eat another piece of

something or would, would someone that goes to the gym, or would

someone that does this, not do that?

You know, it's, it's, it's an easy question that that kind of gets your

mind back around, you know, making that decision that is or isn't productive

for you, whatever you're working on.

Yeah.

One, one of the phrases that I, I personally use that's kind of along

those same lines, is, I'm choosing to

Mm-hmm.

and, and Cause I think so many times, like we put

negativity around stuff, right?

We focus on things being negative, you know, so we'll go, oh,

I, I can't eat carbs, right?

Or I can't do this, I can't do that.

And what I always like to do is say I'm choosing to, so if I'm having

an indulgence, if I'm eating, you know, something that's 1500

calories of nothing but plain sugar.

You know, I'm like, I'm choosing to enjoy this treat today.

Right?

Not because I've earned it, not because I've been good, not because

I ate salad, not just because it's there and you know what?

Life's short and I, and I want to eat this.

I'm not gonna eat it every day.

Right?

Because then that goes back to your question, would a healthy

person eat this cake every single

day?

day.

Yeah.

But, but every now and then.

Sure.

and by telling myself, I'm choosing to do this, I'm giving myself permission.

And it takes all that negative, negative connotations out of it.

Right?

But at the same time, you know, it works the opposite way when

I'm wanting to be lazy, right?

And I'm saying I'm choosing to skip my workout today.

And I'm like, wait, what?

I'm doing what?

No, no, no.

That's not what I want.

No, I don't wanna do that.

and, and, and you know what you need?

You need those moments, right?

You need to choose to do that positive and call it negative, you know,

or productive and non-productive.

You need those, those two times because otherwise you'll, you'll

never get back on it if you fall off.

Right?

Like if, if, if I'm gonna avoid sugar for so long or not have cake every

day, you know, and all of a sudden I have a piece of cake, it's like, well,

Now, now, the whole thing's ruined.

I'm not, I'm not making progress because I, I had a carb today like

that, that is not going to help.

That you're just as likely to, you know, go back to whatever

lifestyle you had before because you, you had that one thing.

Whereas you need to, yeah, you need to choose to have that, you know,

non-productive day or that indulgence just to keep yourself, you know, at

check or just to allow yourself to.

But like, I found it, I was, I was, you know, having that one piece and

then all of a sudden it's two and more.

And, you know, that was the lifestyle I had, you know, plus

a hundred pounds from right now.

And, you know, I didn't have it in my mind that I could just have that,

that moment and then get back on it, you know, get refocused again.

So it was, it was important to.

You know, get, get back on after, after letting myself, you know, get off of it.

Yeah.

It's so interesting because one thing I've noticed it's, I see it in your story.

I see it in my story when, when people always ask me like,

how did you lose 80 pounds?

I'm like, one day at a time, because I really had no set number in mind.

I was just like, as you started making healthier decisions,

I started changing stuff.

You know, I tell people I ate fast food for the first 40 pounds.

I was still eating fast food like five days a week cuz I was working

in retail at the time and that was all that was available to me.

I just made better fast food choices.

Right.

And you know, the thing is it made it sustainable and, and I never

got to a point where I completely took something away from myself.

So I never had to feel like, oh, I can't go back to this.

Right.

And that's, I think sometimes, It can be good to cut certain stuff out if you

know it's a trigger for you, obviously.

Right.

But like in your instance, you know, let's say that you got through this first two

months and then you said, you know what?

I just wanted to see if I could do it.

I'm gonna go back to drinking, you know, but I'm gonna drink less.

How long do you realistically think you would've drank less for?

Right.

At some point, all those old habits probably would kick back in.

If you didn't have a real plan in place, and that's where I think a lot of guys

struggle at, is they try to like knuckle through something for a short period of

time and then there's no plan in place to like make it sustainable for life.

Yeah, I, and I, and I did find that mentally thinking about

it because I got to that 60 days, you know, two months away from, from it.

And I was like, well, I'm not ready yet.

And I learned about a hundred days.

I, I forget which podcast it was.

It was probably, you know, a School of Greatness.

I wish I remembered who was on as a guest, but.

They had said a hundred days, and I, I looked a little more into it and

I'd already got 60, so I was pushing to get to a hundred and at 60 days

I'm thinking about this a hundred, thinking like I'm, it's not enough yet.

I don't feel like it's enough.

I.

I, and yeah, I could, could have easily, just like anything I've, I've been

able to, to give up or add or change, you know, to go back after a short

time, it would've been easy for me.

Like, we're just programmed that way.

We'll find a way to do it easier.

And if it's our routine and our habit and it's, it's a trait that we're used

to doing, absolutely we're gonna find our way back, back that way sooner.

And, and, yeah, if I, if I didn't.

Not have, if I had the 0% in the things that tasted like it, or, or if I had, you

know, went back to it sooner, you know, not to say it would've gotten worse,

but it, it wouldn't have gotten better.

I wouldn't have, you know, learned as much as I've learned since then and, and

applied it positively in, in my life.

yep.

And, and it's like now, if you were to decide that you wanted

to drink again, you'd have a much better structure around it.

You'd have a better plan in place.

But after being away from it so long and realizing that you didn't

need it, The desire to even go back to it is just not there.

And that's, that's kind of, that's where I'm at.

Like, you know, I've, I've got the tools and the confidence to.

You know, be in that environment and not have it where I felt like I just

had to before, like everybody was doing it and it was just, you know, the, the

common theme in the room and, you know, talk about construction, everybody

comes back from the weekend and then Mondays in the work trailer were always

about, what'd you do this weekend?

And, you know, how bad did you feel yesterday?

Like it was, you know, to get through and not need it anymore.

Like, yeah, I don't, I don't have to have that mechanism.

I'm still gonna be involved in the function.

I'm not gonna, you know, Leave early because I'm not drinking.

Like I still wanna have a good time.

I just don't need that anymore to do it.

Yeah.

what that hits on it, and just to kind of bring this back is, is a point for,

for the guys listening to us right now is you didn't sit down and necessarily

make a conscious decision to do this, but what you did was you started to create

an identity before that identity existed.

Yep.

That was what I alluded to earlier about, you know, realizing later where my,

this is just who I am mentality, where I thought I had to just keep existing and

keep the same habits and routines because this is, this is just where I'm at.

You know, I'm gonna be this person because that's just what I'm used to.

Once, once I got to a point later I was like, you know what?

Like, I, I don't need to do that anymore.

It was, it was absolutely that, that, that moment where I.

You know, didn't need to continue on the same path.

I could change what it was I thought, made me who I was to be someone that could

listen to podcasts and could read books and, and could listen to audiobooks and,

you know, could appreciate listening to a Brene Brown or a Mel Robbins book that

would've never been okay to talk about in the work trailer or at the fire department

like, We are, we're not doing that, you know, and I don't, I don't care because

like, it's, it's given me a lot of tools to be able to, to make myself better

and to make me better for my family.

You know, listening to and appreciating different perspectives

and different resources.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's very interesting.

I see this a lot where people who have made positive changes in their

life are always happy to share their story, share their experiences, but.

Very rarely do you see people who have gone through that kind of transformation

trying to force other people to make that transformation, right?

Versus people who are doing a lot of things that might be more negative

or might not be helping them.

They're very persistent about getting everybody to come along

and do it with them, right?

Yeah, there was, you know, I, I've, I've never been,

you know, the, the extroverted out there, kind of, kind of type.

It was, it was, especially because I was, you know, not wanting to work on

things, but not asking questions and being, you know, in my, in my own mind

about it, you know, for me to share it.

Now it's like, I'm doing it not because it's my comfort zone,

but because I needed that.

And, and I'm hopeful that, that anybody that, that, that I can reach

with, you know, my story cuz I, like I said, when we started, it's, I

don't feel like it's a unique story.

I feel like this is, this is very common and something a lot of people deal with.

Well, you know, I'm okay talking about it.

I'm actually, I'm actually wanting to get it out there even more just so that

someone like where I was at, sitting in the lunch trailer or at the fire hall,

completely fine with my own masculinity and, you know, completely, you know,

Comfortable in the group, but just feeling like there was something I needed to

be able to work on or talk about or, or whatever, you know, just to say like,

you know, there's people out there that are doing it and you can do it too.

If, if, you know, you wanted to just accept that you're

not stuck where you are.

Yeah, I mean that's, you know, for me, man, that was a big part

of my passion for, you know, the recent change we made to the podcast, to

focusing on men specifically, because I just feel like there's so many guys

out there that are living the life that other people want them to live.

Mm-hmm.

They're, giving into the pressure of their buddies.

They're, you know, they're doing whatever their significant

others telling them to do.

Their whole identity is wrapped up.

And then just like, I'm a dad and so I just have to do whatever,

you know, the kids have going on.

And the truth is when we take a step back and we start taking better care of ourself

and we start developing that deeper health, We can be in great shape, we can

be great employees and leaders at work.

We can be great husbands, we can be great fathers.

We don't have to choose.

We don't have to just be one thing, and we don't necessarily have to live

into other people's expectations of us.

We can set our own expectations and then we can be a light to other people.

Because like you mentioned earlier about, you know, your, your weekend trip.

Because you made this decision, you never had to go and start preaching to people.

You never had to go start telling people about how much a better life is and

how they should all give up alcohol.

People saw it, people saw the changes in you, and they said, I want what he has.

And then, and it was, it was absolutely, there was, there was

times afterwards where I had people that I worked with reach out and, and, you

know, from all my circles and just ask questions or, you know, start to talk

about different podcasts or books and appreciate different things and, and

like, It was almost like in some of my circles, it was, it was inviting other

people that were wanting the same or doing the same to start talking about it.

You know, because where I was saying I didn't have that, you know, didn't know

someone that, that I could reach out to, to ask about, oh, what's a good podcast?

That, that will gimme some tools, know, teach me about Unshakable habits.

What are the, where are these things, you know?

I became that for some people and, and it was empowering.

It was great to.

Because, no, I didn't want to thrust it on people.

I don't, because I wouldn't have been receptive to that.

Like I wouldn't have listened to the information I didn't want

because I was, you know, stubborn and in my own mind about it.

Like, if I didn't want that and it was being thrust upon me, it, I wouldn't

have been very receptive to it.

So I'm not about to do that to somebody that doesn't want it.

But if somebody asks me questions, like, I want to help that person, I

want to say, listen, this is a great podcast and this book is incredible.

Like you should check it out.

There was, there was a lot of that that, you know, I was wanting to do, but needed

the, you know, the right time to do it.

You know, when somebody's looking for it, that's when they're gonna

be the most receptive to it.

Yeah, that's the key, right?

And that's why I always, like with my coaching, I, I have what's called

client centered coaching where.

I believe in allowing people to decide what they wanna work on, right?

Even if it's not gonna be the best thing, even if it's not gonna be like

the thing that's gonna create the most change for them or anything else.

Where do you wanna start?

Where are you most receptive to change right now?

Because people do not like to be told what to do.

Even when we asked to be told what to do.

We don't like being told what to do.

Yeah.

No, it, yeah.

If, if there's something that we, we want to, we want to do, Especially

if you're getting started, you know, back to where, where do I get started?

You know, if it's, you wanna, you know, start walking more,

you know, it's not about getting that person on something else.

You know, where they want to start is where they're gonna feel

the most, impact because they'll find them their own momentum.

They'll, they'll be consistent with it.

They'll be accountable for it.

If.

If I didn't want to not drink or I didn't want to brush my teeth, you know,

I wouldn't have done it the same way.

Right.

I would've been very passive with it and, and given up long

before it, it became productive.

Yeah.

I think if we just kind of put a bow on this for people, the, the big takeaways

here right are number one, start small.

Don't try to like, imagine some big, huge thing, right?

I always like to give an exercise to people.

I call it the, The back to the future exercise.

You know, imagine the Doc Brown comes and picks you up in the DeLorean.

So, you know, hopefully everyone listening to this podcast is old

enough to get that reference.

but you know, imagine, you know, he picks you up, takes you into the future,

and you see what your life is gonna look like 10 years from now, right?

What do you, what's going on in your life?

Where are you?

How do you act?

What kind of people around you, what are the things that you do?

Like, what does your life look like day in and day out?

And then don't try to be that overnight, but start saying, what kind

of behaviors would that person take?

You know, going back to those questions that you, that you asked earlier,

like, what does a healthy person do?

Right.

And it's like, what would that future me do to get to that point?

And you could start doing some of that stuff today, even if it's not perfect.

Right?

So, so that's the first thing.

The second thing is, Don't try to make this about some big long-term

dream that you're taking on.

Just literally take it one day at a time, right?

It doesn't matter how big the steps are, as long as you're always moving forward.

And then, you know, the last thing I, I would kind of give people to take

away from, you know, this conversation today is you don't have to be stuck.

Right.

You can get past all the, the expectations of other people.

You can get past being brought up a certain way.

All the thinking, whatever person you are that you feel like you're stuck

being, you don't have to be that person.

You can change if you want to and, and I really think that that's really

what your story illustrates more than anything else is that even though you

felt like this is my identity, this is who I am, this is such a huge part of me.

You were still able to change that.

Yeah.

that's, that's a hundred percent it.

Once it became clear to me that, that where I came from or what my influences

are, who and what my circles are, the, my environments, once I've realized that,

while that's all helped me be who I am, it doesn't have to define everything I can.

I can go about.

Changing that and being a different person, and it's not a special story.

Everybody has the same, you know, capability to do that.

You know, you don't have to be what, what people are setting out for you to be.

You don't have to live that life.

Yeah, you don't have to play by other people's expectations,

and you don't have to continue to be the person that you've always been.

That's right.

But if you like the person you are, then you know,

by all means, stay that person.

But

Yeah.

if you're not happy, then change something.

Do something about it.

So, Sean, real quick, if you could, I know you mentioned it earlier,

but if you could again, just let people know about your book and also

where they can connect with you at.

Okay.

Yeah.

My, my book is called Going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking,

very much the first stage in my journey and, and I think an important stage for.

Anybody's journey.

It, it's about my relationship with drinking, but it's, it's

definitely something that's relatable for any, anything that,

that you might be going through.

I've definitely applied it in a lot of other areas.

right now I've got, all my socials, my, my website, SeanRobinson.ca.

I've got, links to all, all my podcasts and stuff I've been on.

I'm putting as much content there as I can.

I've got, you know, I'm on Facebook, going dry and Instagram.

Also going dot dry and Sean Robinson on LinkedIn.

Okay.

And, and we will have links to all that, including links to where

to purchase the, book at in the show notes on the website also.

so make sure that you, check those out.

So, Sean, I want to, thank you very much for, for coming on today and sharing

your story and, and some of your insights about what your journey looked like.

really think you, you gave a lot of valuable insights to people

today, and I hope that people are walking away with a clear plan on

how they wanna move forward and, and taking that very first small step.

Yep.

Thanks a lot, Stephen.

I, I appreciate being here and, and, I've taken a lot of value from,

from all of your insights as well.

I appreciate it, man.

And just wanna remind everyone that we are not all born unshakable.

But we can all become Unshakable.

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podcast with Coach Stephen Box.

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