Artwork for podcast Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals
A Sober Transformation: Overcoming habitual drinking and redefining masculinity with Sean Robinson
Episode 2816th May 2023 • Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals • Stephen Box
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Episode Summary

Sean Robinson, author of Going Dry: My Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking, joins the Unshakable Habits Podcast.

Sean started with a simple dry January challenge. He got completely sober, lost 100 pounds, and changed his view of masculinity.

That’s not to say it was easy. Sean quickly learned the challenges of creating new habits that went against the social norms of his environment.

During our interview, Sean explains how he used minor changes to create a healthier lifestyle and overcome his old beliefs and patterns.

Tune in and discover how you can also take that first small step towards becoming unshakable.

https://ownyourcalendarpodcast.com/episode/redefining-masculinity-how-setting-boundaries-and-connecting-to-a-larger-purpose-can-transform-your-life-with-sean-robinson

Key Topics

  • How societal expectations make it harder for men to make positive changes.
  • How Sean's Dry January challenge led to even bigger changes, including losing 100 lbs.
  • The importance of setting boundaries and staying connected to a larger purpose.
  • The challenge of not falling back into old routines when making lifestyle changes - such as embracing sobriety.
  • Asking yourself better questions and creating a new identity. 

Guest Bio

Sean Robinson, author of "Going Dry: My Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking" is a 38 year old husband, father of 3, electrician and firefighter. Having grown up, worked and lived in mostly male driven environments, it was his belief that he had to be tough to fit in. Toughness that made him believe he couldn't change who I was. Changing his habits around drinking alcohol would help direct himself to the person he always wanted to be.

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(Not in a season) 28

Transcripts

Stephen Box:

Hey guys.

Stephen Box:

Welcome back to the Unshakeable Habits Podcast.

Stephen Box:

I know it has been a while since we released new episodes, but.

Stephen Box:

There's a very good reason for that.

Stephen Box:

I'm gonna touch on that here in just a few minutes, but before I do that, I

Stephen Box:

wanted to tell you what we have in store for today's episode of the podcast.

Stephen Box:

I had a chance to interview Sean Robinson and Sean had this experience

Stephen Box:

where he started with a dry January challenge, gave up alcohol.

Stephen Box:

It was never meant to be a long term thing.

Stephen Box:

But it became a long-term thing and Sean used that to get completely sober.

Stephen Box:

He used that as a springboard to start making other positive changes in his

Stephen Box:

life, including losing a hundred pounds.

Stephen Box:

So Sean shares a lot of his story, and we actually spent a lot of time

Stephen Box:

talking about some of the struggles.

Stephen Box:

That Sean went through, and I know I've gone through this myself in

Stephen Box:

different situations, and I'm sure you guys have as well, where being

Stephen Box:

in an environment with other men was not necessarily conducive to change.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

There's a lot of, how do I say there?

Stephen Box:

There's a lot of issues where as men, we've been kind of taught

Stephen Box:

that we don't ask for help.

Stephen Box:

We're not supposed to encourage each other.

Stephen Box:

We're supposed to put each other down.

Stephen Box:

And this is the old way of thinking of masculinity, right?

Stephen Box:

And some people call this toxic masculinity.

Stephen Box:

I don't think there's anything toxic about masculinity.

Stephen Box:

I hate that term.

Stephen Box:

But what I do think is that there are some things that is men that we've been taught,

Stephen Box:

this society has told us that we should be doing that absolutely hold us back.

Stephen Box:

And we need to let go of those things as men.

Stephen Box:

And one of those things is being willing to ask for help.

Stephen Box:

So Sean and I actually talked a lot about that.

Stephen Box:

Now I wanna be very clear.

Stephen Box:

This is not this new age.

Stephen Box:

Men are supposed to be soft kind of stuff that you hear a lot about now.

Stephen Box:

We actually found a really good balance, I feel, in this conversation where we

Stephen Box:

talked about letting go of some of those old beliefs, some of those old patterns,

Stephen Box:

while also maintaining our masculinity.

Stephen Box:

So that was something that was really important to me and I think

Stephen Box:

it was important to Sean that we also kept that tone to it as well.

Stephen Box:

So hope you guys enjoy the interview today.

Stephen Box:

Before I get you to that, I just wanted to give you a really quick update on

Stephen Box:

what was going on with the podcast.

Stephen Box:

So, as you guys know, and I mentioned earlier, it's been a while since we

Stephen Box:

recorded a new episode, and the reason for that was I wasn't really happy

Stephen Box:

with where the podcast was going.

Stephen Box:

You get a lot of great feedback on it, but it just didn't feel right

Stephen Box:

to me, and I'm really big on it.

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Sometimes we have to trust our instincts and so I sat on it, I prayed on it.

Stephen Box:

I let myself sit in silence.

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And allowed it to come to me, and it did.

Stephen Box:

It came to me.

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Guys, I've realized I've been holding off on something that I'm

Stephen Box:

personally very passionate about, and that's helping men to prioritize

Stephen Box:

their physical and mental wellbeing.

Stephen Box:

Now, why is that important?

Stephen Box:

It's not about six pack abs or big muscles or anything else.

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It's because I believe that when we help men, Become the best version of

Stephen Box:

themselves physically and mentally.

Stephen Box:

They become better husbands, they become better fathers, and they

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become better leaders at home, at work, and in their communities.

Stephen Box:

And when we can help men do those things, we make the world a better place because

Stephen Box:

guys, as I alluded to earlier, it's important that we embrace our masculinity.

Stephen Box:

It's important that we claim that masculine energy that we have as men.

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That doesn't mean that we have to bring along all the baggage, that

Stephen Box:

masculinity is included over the years.

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It doesn't mean that we have to do things on our own.

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Doesn't mean we have to suck it up.

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It just means that as men, we have a certain energy that we bring to the table.

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And society right now, I feel like is trying to take that away from us.

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So I wanted to really put this episode out is the very first relaunch episode

Stephen Box:

cuz I love this topic where we are talking about this idea of how do we

Stephen Box:

move forward, claim our masculinity, yet let go of the patterns and the

Stephen Box:

beliefs that have held us back.

Stephen Box:

So I hope you guys are loving that idea.

Stephen Box:

I hope that you're as passionate about it as I am.

Stephen Box:

Without further ado, let's jump into this thing.

Intro:

Are you ready to break free from your old habits and create a better

Intro:

life for yourself and those around you?

Intro:

If so, welcome to Unshakable Habits, the podcast dedicated to helping

Intro:

men be better husbands, fathers, and leaders by prioritizing their

Intro:

physical and mental wellbeing.

Intro:

Each week we'll look at health from a 360 degree perspective with

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inspiring stories and practical strategies for building unshakable

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habits that'll transform your life.

Intro:

Join Stephen Box, a board certified health and wellness coach, and

Intro:

let's change the world together.

Intro:

One habit at a time.

Stephen Box:

allow me to introduce my guest today, Mr.

Stephen Box:

Sean Robinson.

Stephen Box:

Sean, welcome.

Sean Robinson:

Thanks, Stephen.

Sean Robinson:

I appreciate it.

Sean Robinson:

I've been, looking forward to, our conversation.

Stephen Box:

You have this story that I think so many guys can relate to.

Sean Robinson:

yeah, I definitely don't feel like it's, it's a unique story.

Sean Robinson:

I've worked, construction and I'm electrician by trade.

Sean Robinson:

I've done that about 15 years on the volunteer fire department, near where

Sean Robinson:

I live in, Eastern Ontario, Canada.

Sean Robinson:

but this will be my 20th year.

Sean Robinson:

So, my upbringing and family I've always had that, you know, do it yourself,

Sean Robinson:

get it done, don't talk about it.

Sean Robinson:

And, the environments I've been in with, with careers and

Sean Robinson:

family, it's been very much.

Sean Robinson:

you know, tough masculine, get it done.

Sean Robinson:

Don't complain, don't talk about it.

Sean Robinson:

No feelings.

Sean Robinson:

So, I feel very experienced in keeping things bottled up and not, not exposing,

Sean Robinson:

we'll call it weakness or vulnerability.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I think, especially when you are in those type of

Stephen Box:

environments, it's made even worse, right?

Stephen Box:

Because now you have other people that have been brought up the

Stephen Box:

same way and no one wants to admit that they feel differently.

Sean Robinson:

Absolutely.

Sean Robinson:

It's, the common theme with a lot of the, the personalities and whether

Sean Robinson:

you have that personality or not.

Sean Robinson:

You, you fall in line to a degree with.

Sean Robinson:

With kind of the way that, that, everybody is, you know,

Sean Robinson:

we're not talking about things.

Sean Robinson:

We're not, you know, we're not talking about Unshakable habits

Sean Robinson:

at all in those environments.

Sean Robinson:

And, you know, to work on yourself and, and ask questions whether someone is

Sean Robinson:

or not, you're not talking about it.

Sean Robinson:

you don't want to expose that you're, you're feeling like you

Sean Robinson:

could use a hand or that, you know, you might have information that

Sean Robinson:

somebody else might benefit from.

Sean Robinson:

And, and, There's a lot in, you know, coming away from that environment or to

Sean Robinson:

come out in that environment and say, listen, I'm not feeling great today and

Sean Robinson:

this is where I'm at and I've got these habits that I'm wanting to work on.

Sean Robinson:

And, there's a lot of pressure to just stay in your lane and keep living

Sean Robinson:

the same way where I've come from.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and I think something else that we see, and even,

Stephen Box:

in like a corporate environment, people might see this, right?

Stephen Box:

Where because people don't wanna talk about their feelings, it's hard for

Stephen Box:

them to try to make these changes.

Stephen Box:

A lot of times when you do start trying to make these changes, the the amount

Stephen Box:

of ridicule that you get right everyone wants to keep you kind of at their level

Stephen Box:

because they, they feel bad that they're not doing these things and they're

Stephen Box:

like, no, no, no, I don't want anybody else going to do stuff cuz then I'm

Stephen Box:

gonna feel like I have to do something.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, and the men, and they're women too in construction,

Sean Robinson:

so I'm not generalizing that way.

Sean Robinson:

But, you know, it's a lot of the men that are given the hard times, they're, you

Sean Robinson:

know, you're bothering your buddies and there's questioning sexualities and all

Sean Robinson:

these things, and all the harshness of it.

Sean Robinson:

And you're not gonna talk about, you know, the latest podcast or the, the

Sean Robinson:

new books you're reading or self-help.

Sean Robinson:

Don't even mention the two words together in that environment, cuz all of a sudden

Sean Robinson:

you're gonna, you know, the, you're gonna have your picture drawn on the

Sean Robinson:

bath, the porta-potty wall, and you know, all the things that happen in

Sean Robinson:

construction and, you know, it's a lot harder on you than, than saying anything.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's kind of crazy, man.

Stephen Box:

So, kind of take us back to like, what was that like for you?

Stephen Box:

Like your, obviously at some point you, you started kind of realizing

Stephen Box:

I wanna make some changes, right.

Stephen Box:

But you didn't really feel like you could say anything.

Stephen Box:

So what was it like in that moment for you?

Sean Robinson:

I think, I wasn't sure yet what I help, I

Sean Robinson:

needed or what to even ask for.

Sean Robinson:

So in those environments where we're not talking about it, for me to not even know

Sean Robinson:

what was out there and what I needed.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it was hard to find a starting point.

Sean Robinson:

you know, my, my dad was talking about some upbringing.

Sean Robinson:

He's, he was a mechanic by trade, or is a mechanic by trade and, you know, he

Sean Robinson:

was brought up in that environment too.

Sean Robinson:

So a lot of the generational stuff was, was, was in the background

Sean Robinson:

on top of, you know, where, where I came from, from, career stuff.

Sean Robinson:

So, you know, to realize that I had an issue, I didn't even

Sean Robinson:

know that I had that issue.

Sean Robinson:

I didn't realize that.

Sean Robinson:

The thinking about where my mentality was, and this is just who I am.

Sean Robinson:

that it took me a bit to get to a point where I acknowledged the fact

Sean Robinson:

that that was where my mind was.

Sean Robinson:

That, I had fixed a problem that I wasn't sure at that point I even had, right when

Sean Robinson:

this started for me it was, and when we talked in our, our pre-interview, it was

Sean Robinson:

like, where was the real moment that that.

Sean Robinson:

That just cried for change and my weight.

Sean Robinson:

I had been up and down like anybody, dieting, anybody, you know, most of us,

Sean Robinson:

we've gone up and down and, and I was at a point where I was at my greatest, I'd lost

Sean Robinson:

50 to 80 pounds and put it back on, but I was 320 pounds and was feeling awful.

Sean Robinson:

I was so negative.

Sean Robinson:

Everything felt like, You know, there was success around me and, you know, when

Sean Robinson:

was it gonna fall in my lap and very, very down and out about where I was at.

Sean Robinson:

I didn't know where to go for help, but I wasn't gonna ask for it either cuz it was

Sean Robinson:

just brought up in me with my background and my circles to just figure it out, deal

Sean Robinson:

with it, move on, and it wasn't working.

Sean Robinson:

But I couldn't ask to fix it.

Sean Robinson:

So it was like very much caught in this situation that was

Sean Robinson:

never gonna repair itself right?

Sean Robinson:

Until, I acknowledged that I needed to do something, it wasn't gonna fix itself.

Sean Robinson:

So getting to that point and thinking I'm overweight, I'm not feeling great.

Sean Robinson:

I, for whatever reason, whatever inspiration around me, I started

Sean Robinson:

thinking about journaling.

Sean Robinson:

So I took this notebook and I just started venting in it.

Sean Robinson:

You know, why can't I figure this out?

Sean Robinson:

Why isn't this gonna fix itself?

Sean Robinson:

I'm better than this.

Sean Robinson:

Like, just really not nice and, having some really dark, like, confused moments.

Sean Robinson:

And, I learned a lot about journaling later.

Sean Robinson:

And, I'll touch on that, but you know, in the beginning it was just place for me to.

Sean Robinson:

Put this down on paper and vent and say, you know, not see any judgment from it.

Sean Robinson:

Not, get that like, you know, from the, the coworker or from the family,

Sean Robinson:

or from people that just weren't in the same situation, didn't understand.

Sean Robinson:

It was just a place for me to, to outlet and not have to

Sean Robinson:

hear, you know, anything back.

Sean Robinson:

as things went on, I learned a lot more about journaling and, record

Sean Robinson:

keeping and just tracking consistent.

Sean Robinson:

it became a lot better for me later.

Sean Robinson:

It was a good starting point, but I wasn't gonna talk about it.

Sean Robinson:

So as, I mean, I talk about it with my, circles.

Sean Robinson:

So when I decided to stop drinking, it was not because I felt like there

Sean Robinson:

was a problem with my drinking.

Sean Robinson:

I felt like it was a good starting point, dry January.

Sean Robinson:

It was just gonna be, you know, that first thing that I could do to, you know, get

Sean Robinson:

some clarity and start some new habits.

Sean Robinson:

As I started to do that, looking back, it was almost like that was, my

Sean Robinson:

first permission to myself to accept some other things, you know, going

Sean Robinson:

to functions and not having drinks.

Sean Robinson:

you know, past the two week window in dry January where resolutions fall

Sean Robinson:

off, I stayed with it and it was Challenging myself in those environments

Sean Robinson:

and those situations to not have drinks and not be a certain way.

Sean Robinson:

It was I could be a different person.

Sean Robinson:

I could be the person that doesn't drink at a function well.

Sean Robinson:

I could be the person starts to lose weight and stick with it.

Sean Robinson:

I could be the person that has successful resolutions.

Sean Robinson:

once I started asking more positive questions and reflecting on how

Sean Robinson:

I felt about it, was more where I allowed that identity to change.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, it's interesting cuz you know, one of the things we

Stephen Box:

talk about a lot on the show is this idea of, what I call connected health,

Stephen Box:

it revolves around this idea that health is more than just physical.

Stephen Box:

Physical is one sixth of the equation, right?

Stephen Box:

There's also mental health, there's emotional health, there's relationships,

Stephen Box:

there's environment, there's, you know, spiritual health or, or being

Stephen Box:

connected to something larger than you.

Stephen Box:

and you kind of touched on that, right?

Stephen Box:

Where you made really what was in the beginning more an environmental

Stephen Box:

change, maybe a little bit of relationship stuff in there.

Stephen Box:

Also, because you obviously had to be around certain people to kind

Stephen Box:

of get away with not drinking, but.

Stephen Box:

Ultimately it started to turn into more of a mental thing.

Stephen Box:

Right now it's more of a mental challenge for you and then the emotional aspect

Stephen Box:

comes in cuz you start kind of feeling more confident in your ability to do this.

Stephen Box:

You start feeling better about yourself, your self-confidence starts to go up

Stephen Box:

and then you started to see that have positive physical benefits and, and I

Stephen Box:

think that that's just a really great illustration to help people see how

Stephen Box:

even something really small that you don't think will necessarily lead to an

Stephen Box:

end result ken have such a big impact because all these things tie together.

Sean Robinson:

yeah, definitely.

Sean Robinson:

And, I don't think like we realize how important the small things are

Sean Robinson:

to the bigger things and when I started and I, learned more about

Sean Robinson:

habits and creating positive change.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it was, kind of the first thing for me to decide, like, choose something.

Sean Robinson:

So, you know, I wanted to get better at brushing my teeth.

Sean Robinson:

So I thought, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this twice a day.

Sean Robinson:

I'm gonna document it on the calendar, a couple check marks, morning and night,

Sean Robinson:

and, and count how many days in a row.

Sean Robinson:

And I was seeing all these check marks and things, and, and as, as it got

Sean Robinson:

to, you know, over a hundred days.

Sean Robinson:

I tested myself to, you know, okay, now I'm gonna stop documenting it and just

Sean Robinson:

see if this, this thing sticks, right?

Sean Robinson:

Because all the 21 days, 60 days to break a habit, a hundred

Sean Robinson:

days changes of lifestyle, you know, and wanted to test it out.

Sean Robinson:

So once I stopped writing it on the calendar, there's no more check

Sean Robinson:

marks for that particular item.

Sean Robinson:

it was a lifestyle.

Sean Robinson:

I couldn't leave my house in the morning without doing it.

Sean Robinson:

I couldn't go to bed without doing it.

Sean Robinson:

I'd be in bed and be like, no, I gotta go.

Sean Robinson:

I forgot to do it.

Sean Robinson:

I got to go do it.

Sean Robinson:

So, I, brushed my teeth and like, You know, it went from something so

Sean Robinson:

small to, you know, doing the kinds of things that, that allowed me to lose

Sean Robinson:

a hundred pounds, like you mentioned, and, and you know, you, you snowball

Sean Robinson:

and compound all of these small habits and all these small changes over time.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it gives you a lot better result in the end, you know?

Stephen Box:

Yep.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and, and the thing I thing that you kind of touched on too is

Stephen Box:

a, and this is a think an important tip for a lot of guys out there is.

Stephen Box:

You can start with something that kind of has that manly feel to it, right?

Stephen Box:

So if you were to go to your, your buddies at the firehouse and you're

Stephen Box:

like, oh, you know, I'm doing this dry January challenge, right?

Stephen Box:

You're not gonna get as much slack from that because you're doing a challenge.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

It's something that's, that's meant to be hard.

Stephen Box:

You're just, you're testing yourself versus if you go, you know what,

Stephen Box:

man, I just, I, I'm just gonna stop drinking because, you know, I just

Stephen Box:

think they'll be healthy for me to stop, like unlimited ribbing at that point.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Sean Robinson:

yeah, that, that was, that was the book that, that I had wrote.

Sean Robinson:

it was, You could do dry January.

Sean Robinson:

Like I said, in the beginning, it was just, it was a challenge.

Sean Robinson:

Absolutely.

Sean Robinson:

And then, you know, once you get into February, it's like, okay,

Sean Robinson:

well dry February's thing too.

Sean Robinson:

That's kind of a challenge.

Sean Robinson:

All right.

Sean Robinson:

I'm surprised you're still doing it, but, okay, well, we can handle that.

Sean Robinson:

But then once we got out of those two, like dry months where there's,

Sean Robinson:

you know, a lot of marketing for, for this change, it was like that.

Sean Robinson:

It was like, well, no, you're fine now.

Sean Robinson:

You, you did it like what?

Sean Robinson:

You wanna do it longer?

Sean Robinson:

Why would you do that to yourself?

Sean Robinson:

And it was like, you know, it wasn't.

Sean Robinson:

well where, where I wanted to go with it.

Sean Robinson:

Yet I didn't know how long I was gonna not drink for or not do certain things.

Sean Robinson:

But it was like, yeah, as soon as I got outta those, you

Sean Robinson:

know, we call it easier months.

Sean Robinson:

It was, you know, people didn't know how to react to it.

Sean Robinson:

It was like, you know, it was confusing that someone they knew.

Sean Robinson:

Was just not gonna do a certain thing anymore or not be a certain way anymore.

Sean Robinson:

And, and while they can't be in my head it was, you know, it was

Sean Robinson:

difficult for me because I was in my head to handle how I was gonna deal

Sean Robinson:

with it and, express to them what was going on so they could understand.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, you bring up a good point there As you're making these

Stephen Box:

changes, obviously people around you are, are kind of paying attention.

Stephen Box:

You start getting the questions, what was the difference between the

Stephen Box:

actual reaction that you got from people versus the reaction that

Stephen Box:

you were going to get in your head?

Sean Robinson:

There was, you know, there was some mixed reactions.

Sean Robinson:

There was, there was people that were proud of me right there, there was

Sean Robinson:

people that, that, you know, saw the changes that maybe I didn't quite

Sean Robinson:

realize yet in, in my attitudes and, and things as, as, as it went on.

Sean Robinson:

And, and there were, were people that were, you know, maybe

Sean Robinson:

disappointed, you know, in, in my book and in the background.

Sean Robinson:

good friend of mine was, was getting married and, and.

Sean Robinson:

Covid had postponed his wedding to a point where it fell within

Sean Robinson:

my window of not drinking.

Sean Robinson:

And we used to drink together all the time.

Sean Robinson:

So during, you know, this journey, every time there was a function

Sean Robinson:

pre-wedding, you know, getting fitted for the suits and you know, the, the

Sean Robinson:

different showers and celebrations ahead of time, I wasn't gonna drink.

Sean Robinson:

And every time it was like, you better drink at my wedding.

Sean Robinson:

You better drink at my wedding.

Sean Robinson:

And, and, and you know, his reaction, to answer your question, like a few

Sean Robinson:

others were disappointed because I wasn't doing a certain thing anymore.

Sean Robinson:

So there was yeah, the mixed reaction where proud people and, and

Sean Robinson:

disappointed people and, and, and I was in the middle cuz I was, I.

Sean Robinson:

Very happy with, with the progression I had made to a certain point, but I

Sean Robinson:

was also, you know, I was brought up or I thought I was in this mindset

Sean Robinson:

that I had to, you know, be the biggest host in the room and the

Sean Robinson:

biggest participant with this thing.

Sean Robinson:

And if there's shots and celebration and, and toasts, you know, and,

Sean Robinson:

you know, for, you know, speaking to alcohol, it was like, I, I

Sean Robinson:

had to be that, that person, so.

Sean Robinson:

I didn't know, and I felt like I was letting myself down a bit by not

Sean Robinson:

participating in those things until I got to a point where, you know,

Sean Robinson:

I realized that people aren't as worried about those things as we are.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I was the one that felt I had to be the biggest participant.

Sean Robinson:

It wasn't that other people, you know, were expecting that.

Sean Robinson:

And although they, they may have, once I had set my boundaries, you know, they.

Sean Robinson:

We're fine with it, you know, it, there was less and less anxiety

Sean Robinson:

felt by me because of how they were handling the situation than

Sean Robinson:

than I put on myself originally.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I think a big part of that too, like you mentioned your

Stephen Box:

friend getting married, and I think that for so many guys, they have people

Stephen Box:

in their lives that have just come to expect certain things of them, right?

Stephen Box:

they expect you to be a certain way.

Stephen Box:

And so there's this fear that when you're doing something different, that suddenly

Stephen Box:

you're going to become a different person.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And so now it's like, oh, well here's my wedding coming up, and, and, and my

Stephen Box:

best friend here might be a different person because he's not drinking.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, yeah.

Sean Robinson:

In, in my book, in the beginning and, and.

Sean Robinson:

Just to, to touch on that for a second.

Sean Robinson:

I journaled throughout this whole thing, and once I decided to take a year, off

Sean Robinson:

of drinking, I, I, I got it 10 months in and thought like this journal, this, this

Sean Robinson:

book that I have for myself, someone out there can use this, someone can use this

Sean Robinson:

exact experience and take pieces from what I went through and what I documented for

Sean Robinson:

myself and, and apply it to themselves.

Sean Robinson:

The challenge I faced, the anxieties I felt, the, you know, the tools I used and,

Sean Robinson:

you know, I, I talked about these rules and a lot of my rules were just, They

Sean Robinson:

weren't rules to make it hard for myself.

Sean Robinson:

They were just a couple things to keep me focused.

Sean Robinson:

Like I, I wanted to have a good time, you know, one of my rules was have fun,

Sean Robinson:

and that, that to me was just not hide from it, you know, not stay at home,

Sean Robinson:

not, you know, avoid things because, I was afraid how I was gonna handle it.

Sean Robinson:

It was, I wanted to go to these things.

Sean Robinson:

I just needed to, to know how I was gonna deal with myself in this situation.

Sean Robinson:

another was to, you know, basically not be the guy in the corner drinking

Sean Robinson:

water, right, to participate.

Sean Robinson:

So not just go out to this thing, but like, you know, if I have to pour it into

Sean Robinson:

a solo cup, cuz everybody else is a solo cup, it was at least to participate, to

Sean Robinson:

look the part and not feel like I had to have those couple drinks first because it

Sean Robinson:

was in my head that I had to have them.

Sean Robinson:

It wasn't that anybody else knew.

Sean Robinson:

Right.

Sean Robinson:

We don't gauge each other all night and all of a sudden, you know, someone

Sean Robinson:

loosens up that if you think that, oh, they've had a couple, they're fine.

Sean Robinson:

When you can turn that switch on anytime.

Sean Robinson:

Right.

Sean Robinson:

Once we realize we don't need that substance or that situation to

Sean Robinson:

happen before we can be a certain way, you know, it opens that door

Sean Robinson:

for, you know, taking that away.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And, and I think something you just touched on there is, you know, for a lot

Stephen Box:

of us, we tell ourselves stories, right?

Stephen Box:

It's, well, I have to have a few drinks to loosen up, right?

Stephen Box:

Or, you know, I have to, you know, eat certain foods in order to kind

Stephen Box:

of fit in and, and whatever, right?

Stephen Box:

And so, We do those things because we fear that taking those things away

Stephen Box:

will make us become a different person.

Stephen Box:

And, and so like you said, it's just like, how do you kind

Stephen Box:

of walk through that process?

Stephen Box:

Say, what things can I do to make sure that I stayed that same

Stephen Box:

person despite changing this habit?

Stephen Box:

And, and you're able to do that,

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, it took some, you know, some trial and error on

Sean Robinson:

my part to figure out how I could be the same, you know, comfortable the

Sean Robinson:

same way without it as, as I did with it and, And honestly, we're talking

Sean Robinson:

about having a couple drinks, but like, this is kind of, this applies to

Sean Robinson:

anything that we want to change, right?

Sean Robinson:

If we're talking about, you know, coffee break at work and you're always

Sean Robinson:

getting a few cookies cuz they're from the food truck or from the cafeteria,

Sean Robinson:

wherever you, you know, your environment.

Sean Robinson:

it's, it's the way James Clear talks in atomic habits and, you know,

Sean Robinson:

different, you know, habit forming.

Sean Robinson:

It's like you take one thing away that you're used to doing in a situation.

Sean Robinson:

You know, you have to replace it with something or you have to, you know, see

Sean Robinson:

what led you to want to, to do that, the way that you're used to doing it?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

So now are you still sober?

Stephen Box:

Have you gone back to drinking?

Sean Robinson:

No, I'm still not drinking.

Sean Robinson:

I'm more and more not on the break that I, you know, started by, in the book.

Sean Robinson:

I, you know, it was, it was always just a, a break.

Sean Robinson:

It was.

Sean Robinson:

I wasn't sure what I was doing.

Sean Robinson:

And, and yeah, I've, I've maintained, I, I haven't wanted to, to go back.

Sean Robinson:

I've found I'm a lot more, I'm a lot healthier.

Sean Robinson:

I'm a lot more comfortable in the environments, not, not having it.

Sean Robinson:

And honestly, there's a lot more, it's a lot more acceptable now

Sean Robinson:

than I think it's ever been.

Sean Robinson:

And there's more non-alcoholic mocktails and craft beers and stuff

Sean Robinson:

that are 0% that you can kind of look more of the part without having

Sean Robinson:

the, The effects of of alcohol.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I mean, when it comes to alcohol in particular,

Stephen Box:

man, I think it's such a, a, a tough conversation for a lot of people, right?

Stephen Box:

I mean, I've personally never got into drinking, so it just, it never

Stephen Box:

appealed to me, and as I, got into like, college, started, you know,

Stephen Box:

working after college, things like that.

Stephen Box:

There was a lot of social pressure from people to drink, and it got to a point

Stephen Box:

where I started finding it easier to tell people that I was recovering alcoholic

Stephen Box:

than to tell them that I just don't drink.

Stephen Box:

They were actually more accepting of me saying that I'm a recovering

Stephen Box:

alcoholic than me saying that I just make a conscious decision to not drink.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, definitely this.

Sean Robinson:

So to to pay respect for, you know, for a minute there's, you know,

Sean Robinson:

everyone's dealing with their own thing.

Sean Robinson:

And substances and addictions or, you know, it, it, I'd give everybody benefit

Sean Robinson:

of the doubt and hope that, you know, that they find the help they need.

Sean Robinson:

But

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

there was a time, I agree with you a hundred percent, if it

Sean Robinson:

would've been easier for me to, to have it mandated that I'm not drank or mandated

Sean Robinson:

that I not do a certain thing or, or to.

Sean Robinson:

You recovering, you know, alcoholic or something, like, it would've been

Sean Robinson:

easier exactly for me to say that to someone because then the pressure's gone.

Sean Robinson:

They're like, oh, okay.

Sean Robinson:

And then they're all quiet and awkward about it.

Sean Robinson:

Whereas if, if for me to just say, I'm not gonna do this anymore, it's like, well, I.

Sean Robinson:

Why not?

Sean Robinson:

And you know, if you want to quit having donuts, people are more

Sean Robinson:

acceptable for you not eating donuts than they are not having drinks.

Sean Robinson:

Because, you know, when we get to someone's house or we get to a

Sean Robinson:

function or you know, a party or wedding, like it's almost, you know,

Sean Robinson:

part of what you have to, to do.

Sean Robinson:

It's just easier.

Sean Robinson:

Someone goes your house, oh, you don't want to drink?

Sean Robinson:

Like, let's have a beer together and it's all fine.

Sean Robinson:

It's not, it's not to take that from people.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I just, and then I don't need people to feel weird.

Sean Robinson:

Like even just the other day there was, you know, some friends that were like,

Sean Robinson:

oh, you know, you're, you're that guy now.

Sean Robinson:

Like, well, no, I don't need you to not drink cuz I'm not like, do your thing.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

You're like, I don't care.

Stephen Box:

You can drink

Stephen Box:

all you want.

Sean Robinson:

I don't feel like I have to have it anymore because someone else does.

Sean Robinson:

And that's with anything.

Sean Robinson:

I'm not gonna have a piece of cake because someone feels it's, you know, necessary.

Sean Robinson:

If I want one, then I'll have one.

Stephen Box:

I think, you know, that's one when we talk about, you know, connecting

Stephen Box:

to things bigger than us, I, I think that's why it's so important, right?

Stephen Box:

Because there's going to be a lot of times that you will be challenged where.

Stephen Box:

Other people feel uncomfortable and it makes you uncomfortable that you're

Stephen Box:

making other people uncomfortable

Stephen Box:

and, and you, and you have to be connected to something bigger than you, to a

Stephen Box:

bigger purpose than just, I'm doing this just because in order to stick with it.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, there was, there was times, and like part of my rules,

Sean Robinson:

right, like having fun and being involved, you know, there was a few from, from

Sean Robinson:

work that were going to, Niagara Falls.

Sean Robinson:

So we were doing a, a guys trip for work and I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna go.

Sean Robinson:

So there was five of us that went and there was, you know, these were work

Sean Robinson:

buddies, so, know, there was times, you know, this, this weekend where as

Sean Robinson:

soon as we left the one guy's like, oh, you're gonna, you're gonna drink with us.

Sean Robinson:

I'm like, well, no, I'm, I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna drink

Sean Robinson:

these 0% things, which, you know, I never did in the beginning.

Sean Robinson:

Like, I wanted to lose that entire habit.

Sean Robinson:

So I stayed off of anything close to it for the first nine or 10 months.

Sean Robinson:

But, you know, at this, this trip, it was like, you're gonna drink with us?

Sean Robinson:

Well, no, I'm, I'm not gonna, the guy was like, oh, well your wife's not here.

Sean Robinson:

O okay.

Sean Robinson:

That, that doesn't mean anything to what's going on.

Sean Robinson:

Like the, this is, this is for me.

Sean Robinson:

I'm, I'm, this is for her and my kids as well.

Sean Robinson:

Like, absolutely.

Sean Robinson:

But this decision, and this, this thing I'm working on, like this is important

Sean Robinson:

to me and this is my own accountability.

Sean Robinson:

So even though like I could have at any point, you know, went back or

Sean Robinson:

snuck a beer or had something here and there, like that was, that was not.

Sean Robinson:

My intention, and like you said, it's it, that's, that was the bigger purpose.

Sean Robinson:

Like this was a challenge I did for myself and, and whether I could hide it or not

Sean Robinson:

was, wasn't gonna help keep me accountable for what I was I was trying to achieve.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

I think one thing you just touched on there that a lot of people kind

Stephen Box:

of miss out on too is that it's not necessarily about the thing, right?

Stephen Box:

It, it's about what else is going on.

Stephen Box:

It's like you're doing this because you know, for whatever reason

Stephen Box:

in the beginning, but by this point you're doing it because.

Stephen Box:

It's making you a better person.

Stephen Box:

You know, I'm, I'm sure you felt like you were a better husband.

Stephen Box:

You were a better father, and you enjoyed being that better person.

Stephen Box:

And so like when, so when somebody says to you, oh, well your wife's not here,

Stephen Box:

it's like, well, okay, yeah, she's not here, but I'm not doing this or I'm not

Stephen Box:

making his decision because I fear some punishment from my wife for doing it.

Stephen Box:

Right, it's, I'm doing it because me being this person makes me a

Stephen Box:

better husband, makes me a better father, and that's who I want to be.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

And, and it, it didn't take away from the weekend at all, like, or anything

Sean Robinson:

else I've done since like the, the guys had their, their nights and

Sean Robinson:

there was others that, that didn't feel they had to drink as much.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I've, I've felt an influence where, you know, okay, I'm not doing it.

Sean Robinson:

Other people have, have not done it and I don't need people to feel

Sean Robinson:

that way, but it's like, Anything.

Sean Robinson:

If, if there's one person in the room that's gonna challenge, you know,

Sean Robinson:

positively or negatively what's going on, you know, there will be other

Sean Robinson:

people that will feel the same way that will or won't, depending on what it

Sean Robinson:

is we're talking about, participate.

Sean Robinson:

So, you know, I have felt the benefit.

Sean Robinson:

And like I said, that weekend the guys didn't feel, I don't

Sean Robinson:

believe they felt like there was any less, taken away because, you

Sean Robinson:

know, we still did the things.

Sean Robinson:

I wasn't the guy in the corner judging everybody, you know, I.

Sean Robinson:

Now, one of my kind of rules early on, basically stemmed

Sean Robinson:

around, not all of a sudden being everybody's designated driver.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I was, I I took my share buy-in rounds.

Sean Robinson:

I paid my share cabs and Ubers.

Sean Robinson:

It was, you know, important that it, you know, I didn't want to all of

Sean Robinson:

a sudden be every, like, I want to participate and I want to, you know,

Sean Robinson:

give to the group, but I'm not gonna do it by, you know, being married to

Sean Robinson:

the, the evening by, you know, driving everybody around and, Living that life.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And and I think that's a good point.

Stephen Box:

It's like when you start making changes in your life, whether it's

Stephen Box:

alcohol or anything, you have to set your boundaries on on people.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And you have to decide what do you want it to look like.

Sean Robinson:

Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

And then like a lot of this would've been a lot easier if I wasn't so proud.

Sean Robinson:

Of what I believed was my set mentality.

Sean Robinson:

You know, if I felt like I could have asked the questions and read

Sean Robinson:

the, the books and basically done everything I've done since that

Sean Robinson:

moment, I've decided to change, it would've maybe made it a lot easier.

Sean Robinson:

Now, maybe I would've, I've, you know, not gotten so involved

Sean Robinson:

with it the way that I did.

Sean Robinson:

I can't, I don't regret the way that it worked out for me, but I

Sean Robinson:

can definitely share that because.

Sean Robinson:

While we all have to take the pieces from, you know, all of this content

Sean Robinson:

that we, we relate to, you know, that person that maybe needs that push to say,

Sean Robinson:

you know, I'm just gonna ask for help.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I'm just gonna reach out to Sean and say, Hey, you know, what did you do?

Sean Robinson:

I'm having a hard time.

Sean Robinson:

you know, I want to give that feedback.

Sean Robinson:

That's why I'm here.

Sean Robinson:

I.

Sean Robinson:

You know, for someone like me that, you know, felt too proud to ask was

Sean Robinson:

from similar environments where, you know, you're, you're caught in this,

Sean Robinson:

this bubble that you're not supposed to ask, you're just supposed to fix it.

Sean Robinson:

You know, we're out here and, and absolutely ask, absolutely.

Sean Robinson:

Don't feel like you have to sit there and figure it out when there's lots

Sean Robinson:

of content out there that speaks to the easier way of doing it.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

So one thing we didn't really talk about, excuse me, that

Stephen Box:

you just kind of brought up is.

Stephen Box:

It was a challenge at times.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

There was some difficulties with it.

Stephen Box:

So when you were starting, what do you feel were were the biggest

Stephen Box:

obstacles that you ran into?

Sean Robinson:

My biggest, obstacles and, and a lot of, so the, the

Sean Robinson:

title of my book, going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking.

Sean Robinson:

The habitual part was the most important part in, in how I like,

Sean Robinson:

and then the biggest challenge was it wasn't it, it wasn't, sorry.

Sean Robinson:

It was, it was, I felt I had to have a drink or I had to do, be

Sean Robinson:

doing a certain thing because of, you know, what I was doing?

Sean Robinson:

I was at a wedding, it was Friday, it was, I'm barbecuing, camping.

Sean Robinson:

Like there's certain things that, that I always did.

Sean Robinson:

Not always, but a lot of the time did.

Sean Robinson:

While or with a drink in my hand, you know, a, a friend would come

Sean Robinson:

over, it's like, oh, that's Friday.

Sean Robinson:

Let's have a, let's have a beer.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it was like the habit portion, the routine portion.

Sean Robinson:

So the, the toughest part for me was, was doing that without, You know, it

Sean Robinson:

was, it was learning that I didn't need to have that, drink in my hand anymore

Sean Robinson:

to, to do something a certain way.

Sean Robinson:

And, and some of it felt like it was, I had to learn how to walk again.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it was like I had to teach myself how to go to a, a concert,

Sean Robinson:

you know, or staying overnight with some friends go to a concert

Sean Robinson:

and not drink and not whatever.

Sean Robinson:

So it's like, the biggest challenge was, was just relearning how to do

Sean Robinson:

things that I was so used to doing.

Sean Robinson:

A certain way before.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and and I think that a lot of people find that anytime

Stephen Box:

they start trying to make changes in their life that there are so many

Stephen Box:

things that we just do on autopilot.

Stephen Box:

And we don't even think about 'em.

Stephen Box:

And, and that that's really what you're describing here is there's this

Stephen Box:

unawareness and then all of a sudden, like you start to find yourself in

Stephen Box:

situations and you're like, oh wait, I would normally have a drink right now.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

And, and, and it's, it's like you don't, I didn't have to have that anymore.

Sean Robinson:

Once I was, aware of, you know, how often I would, would grab one

Sean Robinson:

or, you know, like I'm on the fire department, so like, it, it wasn't, I.

Sean Robinson:

That bad for me because I was wanting to be ready to go, you know, I've done

Sean Robinson:

this this long cuz I've wanted to do it.

Sean Robinson:

So, you know, it wasn't that I'd, you know, just come in from work and have,

Sean Robinson:

you know, as many, there was definitely some nights and I wouldn't respond to

Sean Robinson:

calls if they came in, that that was part of being on the volunteer department,

Sean Robinson:

but like, you know, to, to have one or two or five, like, you know, it'd get

Sean Robinson:

to a certain point where that was the routine and that was what I was used to.

Sean Robinson:

And we're on barbecuing, have a couple beers, why not?

Sean Robinson:

You know, to, to then learn how to, you know, have something else.

Sean Robinson:

You know, it didn't to have one or two.

Sean Robinson:

I'm, I'm probably, I might know cuz I haven't had any, a long time.

Sean Robinson:

But you're not gonna feel that, right?

Sean Robinson:

You're gonna, you know, to have that.

Sean Robinson:

It's, it's social, it's fine.

Sean Robinson:

You move on, you know, we're in the beginning, I was doing it

Sean Robinson:

to try and live a bit healthier.

Sean Robinson:

You know, try and lose some weight or find some motivation and, you know, I'd learn a

Sean Robinson:

lot later as I kind of suggested earlier.

Sean Robinson:

There was a lot more compounding on the habits and routines.

Sean Robinson:

I started to work on that.

Sean Robinson:

That had led me to something much bigger.

Sean Robinson:

And if I thought in the beginning I was gonna lose a hundred pounds

Sean Robinson:

and be sober for two years, I would've laughed at myself.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I wouldn't have done it.

Sean Robinson:

So by breaking it down into such small pieces and then doing different things

Sean Robinson:

and documenting it, and consistency, you know, it's led me to where I'm

Sean Robinson:

at now and you know, I'm not special.

Sean Robinson:

Everybody can do it this way.

Sean Robinson:

Just like me.

Sean Robinson:

I didn't have the tools to, you know, I didn't know how to, how to go

Sean Robinson:

about starting it or maintaining it.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, yeah.

Stephen Box:

And I think for a lot of people, that's always kind of the question of

Stephen Box:

like, well, where do I even start at?

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

I mean, Maybe they don't wanna give up drinking, maybe they just

Stephen Box:

wanna cut back on it a little bit.

Stephen Box:

Or maybe it's not even about alcohol.

Stephen Box:

Maybe it's about food for them.

Stephen Box:

Or maybe they just want to get better sleep or stress less or, or whatever.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And, and the question is always like, where do I start?

Stephen Box:

What's the first thing?

Stephen Box:

And I think so many people get caught up in this trap of.

Stephen Box:

If I'm gonna do something, I might as well go ahead and go all in, do everything.

Stephen Box:

And that means that I now need to go out and find the absolute best solution

Stephen Box:

and I need to go and implement it.

Stephen Box:

And the reality is that approach fails 99% of the time.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

It, it does, because it, as soon as it's difficult or, you know, if it's

Sean Robinson:

difficult, it'll, you might last for a week, but then, and you give up

Sean Robinson:

because it was hard, you know, I was doing a hit exercise, you know, it

Sean Robinson:

was like a 10,000 step hit exercise.

Sean Robinson:

It, it, I felt tired and amazing afterwards, but after a couple days in

Sean Robinson:

a row, you know, it, it was like I just.

Sean Robinson:

Could not that I couldn't do it, but I wasn't going to

Sean Robinson:

because it was so difficult.

Sean Robinson:

Whereas if I would've started smaller and done something, you know, even

Sean Robinson:

10 minutes, you know, it, would've probably led me to a point where I felt

Sean Robinson:

good with doing this, this 10,000 step hit exercise on a consistent basis.

Sean Robinson:

But because I started so big, so early and it became difficult

Sean Robinson:

for me, it was easy to let it go.

Stephen Box:

I love always sharing this example of, and, and I've used this with

Stephen Box:

clients and everything over the years.

Stephen Box:

I.

Stephen Box:

Is, you know, say you're someone that you know you need to exercise,

Stephen Box:

but you hate exercise, right?

Stephen Box:

So you don't go hire a personal trainer and you don't get a perfect

Stephen Box:

detailed plan, and you don't start doing 45 minute workouts.

Stephen Box:

You put on your workout clothes,

Sean Robinson:

Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box:

and then after a week of putting on your workout clothes,

Stephen Box:

maybe you actually get in the car and drive to the gym, right?

Stephen Box:

And then you sit in the parking lot.

Stephen Box:

And then after a couple days of sitting in the parking lot, you start

Stephen Box:

to go, well, this is ridiculous.

Stephen Box:

And so you go in and maybe the first day you just walk around and look at the

Stephen Box:

equipment, and then you leave, right?

Stephen Box:

And then you do, and then you keep doing that.

Stephen Box:

And eventually you go, well, this is silly.

Stephen Box:

I might as well do something while I'm here.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And so you do a couple of exercises and then you leave and then at

Stephen Box:

some point you go, you know what?

Stephen Box:

I might as well just do a real workout while I'm here.

Stephen Box:

And then you start building consistently, you start doing little workouts and next

Stephen Box:

thing you know, you're one of those crazy people that works out five days a week.

Sean Robinson:

and that that whole system.

Sean Robinson:

In anything, right?

Sean Robinson:

Like if it's, you know, eating better or brushing your teeth, like everything

Sean Robinson:

in that exact same scenario, you know, just put your shoes on like right now,

Sean Robinson:

you know, I've winter blues, whatever it is, I've, you know, had a bit of

Sean Robinson:

a hard time getting that workout in.

Sean Robinson:

So right now I'm just going to my garage.

Sean Robinson:

but I've got a 10 pound medicine ball.

Sean Robinson:

I'm just picking it up, you know, I'm just going make a point to go to the

Sean Robinson:

garage and just hold it for a minute.

Sean Robinson:

And then I started doing some stretches with it, and then now I'm throwing

Sean Robinson:

it down and like, it's, it's, it is the exact example you just used.

Sean Robinson:

And, and I, I've done that, you know, 4, 5, 6 different ways for the few

Sean Robinson:

things I've been able to, to work on this, this past couple years.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I, I love the example of just like mentally

Stephen Box:

keeping yourself checked in, right?

Stephen Box:

It's like, go pick up the medicine ball.

Stephen Box:

Just hold it.

Stephen Box:

Doesn't even matter if you do anything with it.

Stephen Box:

Just, there's something about the routine of walking out there, picking

Stephen Box:

up that ball that keeps your mind, viewing you as an active person.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

As soon as you stop going out there to pick up the ball, you now start

Stephen Box:

to develop a different identity.

Sean Robinson:

Yep.

Sean Robinson:

And, and to add to that, the, the one thing I just heard, and as an,

Sean Robinson:

an interview with James Clear did, once again author atomic habits.

Sean Robinson:

he was talking about how he doesn't like to set goals anymore.

Sean Robinson:

He doesn't like to set goals, he likes to ask himself better questions.

Sean Robinson:

So I found myself starting asking myself better questions and his example is,

Sean Robinson:

you know, instead of saying I'm gonna lose a hundred pounds or, or I'm gonna

Sean Robinson:

get more healthy, blah, whatever, you know, start to ask yourself, what would

Sean Robinson:

a healthy person eat a sleeve of Oreos?

Sean Robinson:

Or would a healthy person not go and pick up the medicine ball and throw it around?

Sean Robinson:

You know, I found it's a lot less pressure if I'm just, you

Sean Robinson:

know, thinking, am I going to eat this, you know, piece of cake?

Sean Robinson:

Or, you know, would, would a healthy person eat another piece of

Sean Robinson:

something or would, would someone that goes to the gym, or would

Sean Robinson:

someone that does this, not do that?

Sean Robinson:

You know, it's, it's, it's an easy question that that kind of gets your

Sean Robinson:

mind back around, you know, making that decision that is or isn't productive

Sean Robinson:

for you, whatever you're working on.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

One, one of the phrases that I, I personally use that's kind of along

Stephen Box:

those same lines, is, I'm choosing to

Sean Robinson:

Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box:

and, and Cause I think so many times, like we put

Stephen Box:

negativity around stuff, right?

Stephen Box:

We focus on things being negative, you know, so we'll go, oh,

Stephen Box:

I, I can't eat carbs, right?

Stephen Box:

Or I can't do this, I can't do that.

Stephen Box:

And what I always like to do is say I'm choosing to, so if I'm having

Stephen Box:

an indulgence, if I'm eating, you know, something that's 1500

Stephen Box:

calories of nothing but plain sugar.

Stephen Box:

You know, I'm like, I'm choosing to enjoy this treat today.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

Not because I've earned it, not because I've been good, not because

Stephen Box:

I ate salad, not just because it's there and you know what?

Stephen Box:

Life's short and I, and I want to eat this.

Stephen Box:

I'm not gonna eat it every day.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

Because then that goes back to your question, would a healthy

Stephen Box:

person eat this cake every single

Stephen Box:

day?

Sean Robinson:

day.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

But, but every now and then.

Stephen Box:

Sure.

Stephen Box:

and by telling myself, I'm choosing to do this, I'm giving myself permission.

Stephen Box:

And it takes all that negative, negative connotations out of it.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

But at the same time, you know, it works the opposite way when

Stephen Box:

I'm wanting to be lazy, right?

Stephen Box:

And I'm saying I'm choosing to skip my workout today.

Stephen Box:

And I'm like, wait, what?

Stephen Box:

I'm doing what?

Stephen Box:

No, no, no.

Stephen Box:

That's not what I want.

Stephen Box:

No, I don't wanna do that.

Sean Robinson:

and, and, and you know what you need?

Sean Robinson:

You need those moments, right?

Sean Robinson:

You need to choose to do that positive and call it negative, you know,

Sean Robinson:

or productive and non-productive.

Sean Robinson:

You need those, those two times because otherwise you'll, you'll

Sean Robinson:

never get back on it if you fall off.

Sean Robinson:

Right?

Sean Robinson:

Like if, if, if I'm gonna avoid sugar for so long or not have cake every

Sean Robinson:

day, you know, and all of a sudden I have a piece of cake, it's like, well,

Sean Robinson:

Now, now, the whole thing's ruined.

Sean Robinson:

I'm not, I'm not making progress because I, I had a carb today like

Sean Robinson:

that, that is not going to help.

Sean Robinson:

That you're just as likely to, you know, go back to whatever

Sean Robinson:

lifestyle you had before because you, you had that one thing.

Sean Robinson:

Whereas you need to, yeah, you need to choose to have that, you know,

Sean Robinson:

non-productive day or that indulgence just to keep yourself, you know, at

Sean Robinson:

check or just to allow yourself to.

Sean Robinson:

But like, I found it, I was, I was, you know, having that one piece and

Sean Robinson:

then all of a sudden it's two and more.

Sean Robinson:

And, you know, that was the lifestyle I had, you know, plus

Sean Robinson:

a hundred pounds from right now.

Sean Robinson:

And, you know, I didn't have it in my mind that I could just have that,

Sean Robinson:

that moment and then get back on it, you know, get refocused again.

Sean Robinson:

So it was, it was important to.

Sean Robinson:

You know, get, get back on after, after letting myself, you know, get off of it.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

It's so interesting because one thing I've noticed it's, I see it in your story.

Stephen Box:

I see it in my story when, when people always ask me like,

Stephen Box:

how did you lose 80 pounds?

Stephen Box:

I'm like, one day at a time, because I really had no set number in mind.

Stephen Box:

I was just like, as you started making healthier decisions,

Stephen Box:

I started changing stuff.

Stephen Box:

You know, I tell people I ate fast food for the first 40 pounds.

Stephen Box:

I was still eating fast food like five days a week cuz I was working

Stephen Box:

in retail at the time and that was all that was available to me.

Stephen Box:

I just made better fast food choices.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And you know, the thing is it made it sustainable and, and I never

Stephen Box:

got to a point where I completely took something away from myself.

Stephen Box:

So I never had to feel like, oh, I can't go back to this.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And that's, I think sometimes, It can be good to cut certain stuff out if you

Stephen Box:

know it's a trigger for you, obviously.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

But like in your instance, you know, let's say that you got through this first two

Stephen Box:

months and then you said, you know what?

Stephen Box:

I just wanted to see if I could do it.

Stephen Box:

I'm gonna go back to drinking, you know, but I'm gonna drink less.

Stephen Box:

How long do you realistically think you would've drank less for?

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

At some point, all those old habits probably would kick back in.

Stephen Box:

If you didn't have a real plan in place, and that's where I think a lot of guys

Stephen Box:

struggle at, is they try to like knuckle through something for a short period of

Stephen Box:

time and then there's no plan in place to like make it sustainable for life.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, I, and I, and I did find that mentally thinking about

Sean Robinson:

it because I got to that 60 days, you know, two months away from, from it.

Sean Robinson:

And I was like, well, I'm not ready yet.

Sean Robinson:

And I learned about a hundred days.

Sean Robinson:

I, I forget which podcast it was.

Sean Robinson:

It was probably, you know, a School of Greatness.

Sean Robinson:

I wish I remembered who was on as a guest, but.

Sean Robinson:

They had said a hundred days, and I, I looked a little more into it and

Sean Robinson:

I'd already got 60, so I was pushing to get to a hundred and at 60 days

Sean Robinson:

I'm thinking about this a hundred, thinking like I'm, it's not enough yet.

Sean Robinson:

I don't feel like it's enough.

Sean Robinson:

I.

Sean Robinson:

I, and yeah, I could, could have easily, just like anything I've, I've been

Sean Robinson:

able to, to give up or add or change, you know, to go back after a short

Sean Robinson:

time, it would've been easy for me.

Sean Robinson:

Like, we're just programmed that way.

Sean Robinson:

We'll find a way to do it easier.

Sean Robinson:

And if it's our routine and our habit and it's, it's a trait that we're used

Sean Robinson:

to doing, absolutely we're gonna find our way back, back that way sooner.

Sean Robinson:

And, and, yeah, if I, if I didn't.

Sean Robinson:

Not have, if I had the 0% in the things that tasted like it, or, or if I had, you

Sean Robinson:

know, went back to it sooner, you know, not to say it would've gotten worse,

Sean Robinson:

but it, it wouldn't have gotten better.

Sean Robinson:

I wouldn't have, you know, learned as much as I've learned since then and, and

Sean Robinson:

applied it positively in, in my life.

Stephen Box:

yep.

Stephen Box:

And, and it's like now, if you were to decide that you wanted

Stephen Box:

to drink again, you'd have a much better structure around it.

Stephen Box:

You'd have a better plan in place.

Stephen Box:

But after being away from it so long and realizing that you didn't

Stephen Box:

need it, The desire to even go back to it is just not there.

Sean Robinson:

And that's, that's kind of, that's where I'm at.

Sean Robinson:

Like, you know, I've, I've got the tools and the confidence to.

Sean Robinson:

You know, be in that environment and not have it where I felt like I just

Sean Robinson:

had to before, like everybody was doing it and it was just, you know, the, the

Sean Robinson:

common theme in the room and, you know, talk about construction, everybody

Sean Robinson:

comes back from the weekend and then Mondays in the work trailer were always

Sean Robinson:

about, what'd you do this weekend?

Sean Robinson:

And, you know, how bad did you feel yesterday?

Sean Robinson:

Like it was, you know, to get through and not need it anymore.

Sean Robinson:

Like, yeah, I don't, I don't have to have that mechanism.

Sean Robinson:

I'm still gonna be involved in the function.

Sean Robinson:

I'm not gonna, you know, Leave early because I'm not drinking.

Sean Robinson:

Like I still wanna have a good time.

Sean Robinson:

I just don't need that anymore to do it.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

what that hits on it, and just to kind of bring this back is, is a point for,

Stephen Box:

for the guys listening to us right now is you didn't sit down and necessarily

Stephen Box:

make a conscious decision to do this, but what you did was you started to create

Stephen Box:

an identity before that identity existed.

Sean Robinson:

Yep.

Sean Robinson:

That was what I alluded to earlier about, you know, realizing later where my,

Sean Robinson:

this is just who I am mentality, where I thought I had to just keep existing and

Sean Robinson:

keep the same habits and routines because this is, this is just where I'm at.

Sean Robinson:

You know, I'm gonna be this person because that's just what I'm used to.

Sean Robinson:

Once, once I got to a point later I was like, you know what?

Sean Robinson:

Like, I, I don't need to do that anymore.

Sean Robinson:

It was, it was absolutely that, that, that moment where I.

Sean Robinson:

You know, didn't need to continue on the same path.

Sean Robinson:

I could change what it was I thought, made me who I was to be someone that could

Sean Robinson:

listen to podcasts and could read books and, and could listen to audiobooks and,

Sean Robinson:

you know, could appreciate listening to a Brene Brown or a Mel Robbins book that

Sean Robinson:

would've never been okay to talk about in the work trailer or at the fire department

Sean Robinson:

like, We are, we're not doing that, you know, and I don't, I don't care because

Sean Robinson:

like, it's, it's given me a lot of tools to be able to, to make myself better

Sean Robinson:

and to make me better for my family.

Sean Robinson:

You know, listening to and appreciating different perspectives

Sean Robinson:

and different resources.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's very interesting.

Stephen Box:

I see this a lot where people who have made positive changes in their

Stephen Box:

life are always happy to share their story, share their experiences, but.

Stephen Box:

Very rarely do you see people who have gone through that kind of transformation

Stephen Box:

trying to force other people to make that transformation, right?

Stephen Box:

Versus people who are doing a lot of things that might be more negative

Stephen Box:

or might not be helping them.

Stephen Box:

They're very persistent about getting everybody to come along

Stephen Box:

and do it with them, right?

Sean Robinson:

Yeah, there was, you know, I, I've, I've never been,

Sean Robinson:

you know, the, the extroverted out there, kind of, kind of type.

Sean Robinson:

It was, it was, especially because I was, you know, not wanting to work on

Sean Robinson:

things, but not asking questions and being, you know, in my, in my own mind

Sean Robinson:

about it, you know, for me to share it.

Sean Robinson:

Now it's like, I'm doing it not because it's my comfort zone,

Sean Robinson:

but because I needed that.

Sean Robinson:

And, and I'm hopeful that, that anybody that, that, that I can reach

Sean Robinson:

with, you know, my story cuz I, like I said, when we started, it's, I

Sean Robinson:

don't feel like it's a unique story.

Sean Robinson:

I feel like this is, this is very common and something a lot of people deal with.

Sean Robinson:

Well, you know, I'm okay talking about it.

Sean Robinson:

I'm actually, I'm actually wanting to get it out there even more just so that

Sean Robinson:

someone like where I was at, sitting in the lunch trailer or at the fire hall,

Sean Robinson:

completely fine with my own masculinity and, you know, completely, you know,

Sean Robinson:

Comfortable in the group, but just feeling like there was something I needed to

Sean Robinson:

be able to work on or talk about or, or whatever, you know, just to say like,

Sean Robinson:

you know, there's people out there that are doing it and you can do it too.

Sean Robinson:

If, if, you know, you wanted to just accept that you're

Sean Robinson:

not stuck where you are.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I mean that's, you know, for me, man, that was a big part

Stephen Box:

of my passion for, you know, the recent change we made to the podcast, to

Stephen Box:

focusing on men specifically, because I just feel like there's so many guys

Stephen Box:

out there that are living the life that other people want them to live.

Sean Robinson:

Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box:

They're, giving into the pressure of their buddies.

Stephen Box:

They're, you know, they're doing whatever their significant

Stephen Box:

others telling them to do.

Stephen Box:

Their whole identity is wrapped up.

Stephen Box:

And then just like, I'm a dad and so I just have to do whatever,

Stephen Box:

you know, the kids have going on.

Stephen Box:

And the truth is when we take a step back and we start taking better care of ourself

Stephen Box:

and we start developing that deeper health, We can be in great shape, we can

Stephen Box:

be great employees and leaders at work.

Stephen Box:

We can be great husbands, we can be great fathers.

Stephen Box:

We don't have to choose.

Stephen Box:

We don't have to just be one thing, and we don't necessarily have to live

Stephen Box:

into other people's expectations of us.

Stephen Box:

We can set our own expectations and then we can be a light to other people.

Stephen Box:

Because like you mentioned earlier about, you know, your, your weekend trip.

Stephen Box:

Because you made this decision, you never had to go and start preaching to people.

Stephen Box:

You never had to go start telling people about how much a better life is and

Stephen Box:

how they should all give up alcohol.

Stephen Box:

People saw it, people saw the changes in you, and they said, I want what he has.

Sean Robinson:

And then, and it was, it was absolutely, there was, there was

Sean Robinson:

times afterwards where I had people that I worked with reach out and, and, you

Sean Robinson:

know, from all my circles and just ask questions or, you know, start to talk

Sean Robinson:

about different podcasts or books and appreciate different things and, and

Sean Robinson:

like, It was almost like in some of my circles, it was, it was inviting other

Sean Robinson:

people that were wanting the same or doing the same to start talking about it.

Sean Robinson:

You know, because where I was saying I didn't have that, you know, didn't know

Sean Robinson:

someone that, that I could reach out to, to ask about, oh, what's a good podcast?

Sean Robinson:

That, that will gimme some tools, know, teach me about Unshakable habits.

Sean Robinson:

What are the, where are these things, you know?

Sean Robinson:

I became that for some people and, and it was empowering.

Sean Robinson:

It was great to.

Sean Robinson:

Because, no, I didn't want to thrust it on people.

Sean Robinson:

I don't, because I wouldn't have been receptive to that.

Sean Robinson:

Like I wouldn't have listened to the information I didn't want

Sean Robinson:

because I was, you know, stubborn and in my own mind about it.

Sean Robinson:

Like, if I didn't want that and it was being thrust upon me, it, I wouldn't

Sean Robinson:

have been very receptive to it.

Sean Robinson:

So I'm not about to do that to somebody that doesn't want it.

Sean Robinson:

But if somebody asks me questions, like, I want to help that person, I

Sean Robinson:

want to say, listen, this is a great podcast and this book is incredible.

Sean Robinson:

Like you should check it out.

Sean Robinson:

There was, there was a lot of that that, you know, I was wanting to do, but needed

Sean Robinson:

the, you know, the right time to do it.

Sean Robinson:

You know, when somebody's looking for it, that's when they're gonna

Sean Robinson:

be the most receptive to it.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, that's the key, right?

Stephen Box:

And that's why I always, like with my coaching, I, I have what's called

Stephen Box:

client centered coaching where.

Stephen Box:

I believe in allowing people to decide what they wanna work on, right?

Stephen Box:

Even if it's not gonna be the best thing, even if it's not gonna be like

Stephen Box:

the thing that's gonna create the most change for them or anything else.

Stephen Box:

Where do you wanna start?

Stephen Box:

Where are you most receptive to change right now?

Stephen Box:

Because people do not like to be told what to do.

Stephen Box:

Even when we asked to be told what to do.

Stephen Box:

We don't like being told what to do.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

No, it, yeah.

Sean Robinson:

If, if there's something that we, we want to, we want to do, Especially

Sean Robinson:

if you're getting started, you know, back to where, where do I get started?

Sean Robinson:

You know, if it's, you wanna, you know, start walking more,

Sean Robinson:

you know, it's not about getting that person on something else.

Sean Robinson:

You know, where they want to start is where they're gonna feel

Sean Robinson:

the most, impact because they'll find them their own momentum.

Sean Robinson:

They'll, they'll be consistent with it.

Sean Robinson:

They'll be accountable for it.

Sean Robinson:

If.

Sean Robinson:

If I didn't want to not drink or I didn't want to brush my teeth, you know,

Sean Robinson:

I wouldn't have done it the same way.

Sean Robinson:

Right.

Sean Robinson:

I would've been very passive with it and, and given up long

Sean Robinson:

before it, it became productive.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

I think if we just kind of put a bow on this for people, the, the big takeaways

Stephen Box:

here right are number one, start small.

Stephen Box:

Don't try to like, imagine some big, huge thing, right?

Stephen Box:

I always like to give an exercise to people.

Stephen Box:

I call it the, The back to the future exercise.

Stephen Box:

You know, imagine the Doc Brown comes and picks you up in the DeLorean.

Stephen Box:

So, you know, hopefully everyone listening to this podcast is old

Stephen Box:

enough to get that reference.

Stephen Box:

but you know, imagine, you know, he picks you up, takes you into the future,

Stephen Box:

and you see what your life is gonna look like 10 years from now, right?

Stephen Box:

What do you, what's going on in your life?

Stephen Box:

Where are you?

Stephen Box:

How do you act?

Stephen Box:

What kind of people around you, what are the things that you do?

Stephen Box:

Like, what does your life look like day in and day out?

Stephen Box:

And then don't try to be that overnight, but start saying, what kind

Stephen Box:

of behaviors would that person take?

Stephen Box:

You know, going back to those questions that you, that you asked earlier,

Stephen Box:

like, what does a healthy person do?

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And it's like, what would that future me do to get to that point?

Stephen Box:

And you could start doing some of that stuff today, even if it's not perfect.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

So, so that's the first thing.

Stephen Box:

The second thing is, Don't try to make this about some big long-term

Stephen Box:

dream that you're taking on.

Stephen Box:

Just literally take it one day at a time, right?

Stephen Box:

It doesn't matter how big the steps are, as long as you're always moving forward.

Stephen Box:

And then, you know, the last thing I, I would kind of give people to take

Stephen Box:

away from, you know, this conversation today is you don't have to be stuck.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

You can get past all the, the expectations of other people.

Stephen Box:

You can get past being brought up a certain way.

Stephen Box:

All the thinking, whatever person you are that you feel like you're stuck

Stephen Box:

being, you don't have to be that person.

Stephen Box:

You can change if you want to and, and I really think that that's really

Stephen Box:

what your story illustrates more than anything else is that even though you

Stephen Box:

felt like this is my identity, this is who I am, this is such a huge part of me.

Stephen Box:

You were still able to change that.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

that's, that's a hundred percent it.

Sean Robinson:

Once it became clear to me that, that where I came from or what my influences

Sean Robinson:

are, who and what my circles are, the, my environments, once I've realized that,

Sean Robinson:

while that's all helped me be who I am, it doesn't have to define everything I can.

Sean Robinson:

I can go about.

Sean Robinson:

Changing that and being a different person, and it's not a special story.

Sean Robinson:

Everybody has the same, you know, capability to do that.

Sean Robinson:

You know, you don't have to be what, what people are setting out for you to be.

Sean Robinson:

You don't have to live that life.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, you don't have to play by other people's expectations,

Stephen Box:

and you don't have to continue to be the person that you've always been.

Sean Robinson:

That's right.

Stephen Box:

But if you like the person you are, then you know,

Stephen Box:

by all means, stay that person.

Stephen Box:

But

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

if you're not happy, then change something.

Stephen Box:

Do something about it.

Stephen Box:

So, Sean, real quick, if you could, I know you mentioned it earlier,

Stephen Box:

but if you could again, just let people know about your book and also

Stephen Box:

where they can connect with you at.

Sean Robinson:

Okay.

Sean Robinson:

Yeah.

Sean Robinson:

My, my book is called Going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking,

Sean Robinson:

very much the first stage in my journey and, and I think an important stage for.

Sean Robinson:

Anybody's journey.

Sean Robinson:

It, it's about my relationship with drinking, but it's, it's

Sean Robinson:

definitely something that's relatable for any, anything that,

Sean Robinson:

that you might be going through.

Sean Robinson:

I've definitely applied it in a lot of other areas.

Sean Robinson:

right now I've got, all my socials, my, my website, SeanRobinson.ca.

Sean Robinson:

I've got, links to all, all my podcasts and stuff I've been on.

Sean Robinson:

I'm putting as much content there as I can.

Sean Robinson:

I've got, you know, I'm on Facebook, going dry and Instagram.

Sean Robinson:

Also going dot dry and Sean Robinson on LinkedIn.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

And, and we will have links to all that, including links to where

Stephen Box:

to purchase the, book at in the show notes on the website also.

Stephen Box:

so make sure that you, check those out.

Stephen Box:

So, Sean, I want to, thank you very much for, for coming on today and sharing

Stephen Box:

your story and, and some of your insights about what your journey looked like.

Stephen Box:

really think you, you gave a lot of valuable insights to people

Stephen Box:

today, and I hope that people are walking away with a clear plan on

Stephen Box:

how they wanna move forward and, and taking that very first small step.

Sean Robinson:

Yep.

Sean Robinson:

Thanks a lot, Stephen.

Sean Robinson:

I, I appreciate being here and, and, I've taken a lot of value from,

Sean Robinson:

from all of your insights as well.

Stephen Box:

I appreciate it, man.

Stephen Box:

And just wanna remind everyone that we are not all born unshakable.

Stephen Box:

But we can all become Unshakable.

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