What happens when your friends finally tell you the hard truth that you were settling for crumbs when it comes to relationships and that you deserve better? When you decide to use all the tools that you've gained through healing yourself and becoming the best version of yourself and *then* try dating?

You definitely promise yourself that you won't settle. You know that you are looking for the *real thing*, and you also accept that its okay if you don't find it. You make peace with that.

Today on The Fire Inside Her, you get to meet Josh Humphreys. Someone who is very important to Diane. Their relationship is clear evidence that it's "Never Too Late to Find Your Person."

Diane's podcast mentor, Shawna Rodrigues, interviews Josh and Diane as they share their story. Be warned, you might get goosebumps. You'll definitely believe that relationships that can become your bedrock do exist, and you'll even learn some of the ways that Josh and Diane prepared themselves and work in their relationship to have that.

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Are you excited to get copy of the Self Care Audio download that Diane mentioned?

You can get that HERE -

TheFireInsideHer.com/audio

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[00:00:15] Diane: For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be married and have a family. I used to dream about having five kids and growing old in the same big house and having family dinners every weekend

[00:01:10] Diane: I learned a lot of things in school and college. One thing I didn't learn was how to be in a relationship, and I didn't really ask anyone what being in a relationship looked like. So I spent my teen years, twenties, and thirties. learning through trial and error, what a healthy, functional relationship is like.

[00:02:01] Diane: It wasn't until I was given some pretty hard advice by two of my very best friends that I needed to stop settling for crumbs. That I was worthy and that I deserved more. I don't know that I would've heard that advice 10 years ago, 15 years ago, even five years. but because I've been doing the work and going through the messy middle and healing my trauma, I realized they were right. I am worthy and I deserved more.

[00:02:58] Diane: I was looking for the real thing. I decided that if it happens, great, and if it doesn't, I still have an incredible life that is worth celebrating.

[00:03:33] Diane: I signed up for a dating app and within a couple weeks I met the most incredible man. He is absolutely wonderful, and when we talk about who we have at our table and who we spend a lot of time with, it would be silly for me to not introduce you to my partner and my love Josh. In this interview, we were chatting with my podcast mentor Shawna Rodrigues, and she was able to get a little bit of our story and reminding everyone that it's never too late, that you can find true, meaningful love at any stage in your life.

[00:04:36] Shawna: So as we talk about strong relationships, I'm very glad to have with me Josh and Diane. I'm excited to learn the way that you guys met and came together. So let's start with how you guys met.

[00:04:50] Shawna: That makes sense.

[00:05:06] Shawna: I am glad there was an overlap. Josh, what about Diane made you pay attention and decide she was somebody you wanted to meet?

[00:05:15] Shawna: MMmm.

[00:05:40] Josh: I think you were actually the one that reached out to me first. So we just started chatting. The first time we met physically, we were together for almost four hours. It seemed like, you know, 10 minutes.

[00:05:53] Josh: It wasn't enough. Right. It wasn't nearly enough. So yeah, it was, it was pretty cool.

[00:06:08] Diane: The first date, probably before the first date, cuz we had talked on the phone and even the first time we talked on the phone was quite a long conversation. Yeah. And just, he was so grounded. And I remember towards the end of the date, I was like, I don't want this date to end

[00:06:25] Diane: this is. This is such a good time.

[00:06:35] Josh: I think we both felt it, right. I mean, we both walked away from there thinking like, this is different. Um, it's different than the rigmarole that we had been through before. So much so that, what was it, A day or two later, I sent her a text and I said, how'd you like to go to Mexico in February?

[00:07:03] Shawna: That's a good sign. That's a good sign. Yes. And so Josh, you were about to get off the dating app. Were you kind of done with doing the online dating?

[00:07:35] Josh: And that's exactly what happened. I mean, we met and, and she was in the same space of that kind of just being in a sweet spot of self care and of, of taking care of ourselves.

[00:07:50] Josh: Mm-hmm.

[00:08:06] Diane: Well, for me that's interesting because I swore I'd never get married again. I was pretty, pretty resolved in that, you know, it was part of my, I'm good enough for me. I don't need anyone else. I'm happy with my life and if it means I'm gonna be alone, then that's okay. And we met and fell in love and I was like, all right, cool.

[00:08:45] Diane: And then I think, I don't know. It just, it made sense, like everything with us has made sense and being adults and going through a lot of life and hardship and dark times and bumpy times to do the work, to be two people that are independent of each other, yet just have the synergy when we're together and it's just easy and everything aligns with us.

[00:09:14] Josh: No, I, I was in the same space. I mean, I told, you know, the close handful of people in my life, I can never see myself getting married again. And it wasn't negative on the institution of marriage. I just didn't think that it, it just wasn't important.

[00:09:50] Shawna: Yeah. You keep having that theme of you met each other where you were, and it seems like that's the one thing that definitely differentiates this relationship than where you guys have been in other places in your life. So what makes that different? What do you think you each offer each other that makes it easier to meet each other where you're at?

[00:10:28] Josh: Mm-hmm. .

[00:10:56] Diane: And I, I had spent a lot of time learning how to be that for myself.

[00:11:01] Diane: So when we connected, it was just like, wow, it's that Rumi quote, " Let the winds of heaven dance between you." So we're two complete people that come together and it's really cool cuz we can still be our individual selves.

[00:11:25] Shawna: So how do you guys navigate the bumps when one of you has a hard time, like how do you come together and support each other in that?

[00:11:52] Josh: Well, I think you're right. And, and we listen to each other. I think that's really, I mean, we do talk and we don't have a problem. We sometimes we have a bump to get to the talking, but, but when we do start talking, neither one of us have a difficult time sharing our hearts, because that's the basis of our relationship.

[00:12:29] Josh: Not that we're trying to change each other, because that's not it at all. Um, it's just the grace. It's the grace and the space that comes in my opinion, with true bedrock love.

[00:12:56] Diane: And I think that's really important when it comes to the communication and grace and just, you know, it's always being vulnerable and exposed and that's really scary. That's really hard for me. It is so hard for me to let my guard down and, you know, learn how to receive. Love and acceptance. Um, so I think that's probably a big,

[00:13:29] Josh: And in, in spite of that loved. Right? That that's a big deal. Mm-hmm.

[00:13:58] Josh: Yes. Well, and I think that you would agree , and we've talked about this, that we're not here to; we're not trying to change each other, we're accepting of, of where we're at. And, and that makes all the difference in the world.

[00:14:18] Diane: And you know, you spend time as precious and the older we get and we're on the back half of life. We recognize that, but it's, it's really too short to try to, put him in to be someone else, and I don't want him to be anyone else.

[00:14:35] Josh: We're accepting of, like I said, where we are. It's kind of redundant, but it's, um, neither one of us are trying to change ourselves to be what we think the other one wants. That's true. That's a good point. And I spent a lot of time in my life doing that in every relationship that I had.

[00:14:53] Josh: And I think that, that, that's really true of where we are.

[00:15:04] Shawna: Mm-hmm. And are you good at communicating to the other person what you need? Is that something you guys have been able to do and that you work on? A little bit.

[00:15:14] Josh: Yeah, we're working on it. And, and I would say, the answer is yes. We're not consistent. We're not every day. Perfect. Um, but I told you the other day. There's nothing that, that is off limits. There's nothing that you don't know. And, we're doing better every day at this is what I need, you know, type thing.

[00:15:56] Diane: And it's like, okay, that went well. It wasn't used against me. The world kept spinning. The sun came up. All right, let's try this again. and a bigger ask next time.

[00:16:14] Josh: No, I can do that. . No, let me, no. And it's just, there's some feeling in there that, that happens, but it's all part of, of growth. That was our, that was our word for last year, was growth.

[00:16:26] Josh: um,

[00:16:33] Diane: listen.

[00:16:39] Josh: Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

[00:17:02] Diane: No, we're, we're in our mid forties, um, mid to and late forties. I'll be close to 50.

[00:17:11] Shawna: Really?

[00:17:14] Shawna: I would not have guessed that. And so it is something worth looking for and finding it when you, is it at least expected type of thing? Or did you both believe it was there if you found it? Or you're both kind of done with looking?

[00:17:54] Diane: I folded it up, I wore it in under my bra for several months and just carried it with me with this intention of w ho I wanted to meet in my life, and sure enough, you know, I stopped wearing it and it wasn't that I'd given up, I just let it go. You know, I set the intention and eventually it was when I let it go that we met each other.

[00:18:30] Diane: That was pretty cool. And it's not like, I mean he has a 22 year old son. I have a 10 year old son.

[00:18:56] Shawna: Yeah. I think there's something about when things flow and there's an ease in a relationship. I think that sometimes you hit an age where you feel like you have to try and you have to try to make it all happen and make it all work, and those aren't the relationships you need to be in. You need to find the one that flows and the one that you have the support and you have the ease, and there's things to work on.

[00:19:22] Diane: Yes.

[00:19:23] Shawna: So can you guys share with me what you guys do for self-care?

[00:19:34] Diane: Um, we come into a little sacred space, and so we've combined some of our independent rituals that we did separately when we consolidated and started doing it together. So definitely meditation and breathing.

[00:20:08] Diane: What else?

[00:20:26] Diane: shows, we go to a lot of concerts.

[00:20:34] Josh: Live music is something for me that's really been life changing.

[00:20:40] Josh: And so that's part of my self-care. It may sound weird, but it's absolutely true.

[00:20:54] Josh: Yeah. But the, you know, the yoga practice was life-changing for me. I don't know how many years ago now, 12 years ago or something like that. Um, and that's really been foundational for me and my self care.

[00:21:12] Shawna: I do wanna take a moment cuz I wanna hear a little bit more about your work and Josh's supporting of your work. So can you tell us a little bit about your podcast and your work and, and then we can have Josh talk a little bit more about how that's been for him to support that.

[00:21:49] Diane: Like, you do not have to be stuck in a job that you're just settling for for 20 more years. Like, no, we need to come up with a better plan. I don't wanna stay in my profession for another 20 years. Like I, I really want, I want something different. And so we named it Plan A and you know, what could we do to support each other, to Plan A, so we can have that freedom and enjoy our lives without being, feel like we're stuck.

[00:22:40] Diane: And then last fall I told him, I'm like, I really think I need to create a podcast because I want to grow my community. And I just, I think podcasting is the way to do it. And I had spoken to a mutual friend at the yoga studio and she was like, oh my gosh, we just interviewed this gal on our podcast and it would be amazing you two should connect. And you know, the stars just aligned. And I came home and I told him, and he was like, absolutely, whatever you need. Like at every turn he has just been, yes, I believe in you. I, I support you. It has probably been the most impactful, support of my entire life cuz it's, it's genuine and I feel it

[00:23:31] Josh: So it's, it's easy. I mean that, and here's why. Because I, I see when she talks about the podcast, when she talks about her desire and what really, motivates her and everything changes. Everything changes in her face, in her demeanor, and it's what she's supposed to be doing. And so there's no, there's zero resistance.

[00:24:18] Josh: Um, and so it's easy, it's, it's easy to do that because it's just joyful. I mean, there's so much joy that comes out of her, which then gives me joy just to see it.

[00:24:52] Josh: And just to see the fruit of the work that she's done, it's awesome. And, there's no place I'd rather be than supporting her.

[00:25:07] Diane: Yes,

[00:25:23] Shawna: I love that.

[00:25:36] Diane: Well, and the universe, you know, it's that the universe conspires to help you when you've truly committed to something and everything has just, it continues to fall in line.

[00:25:56] Shawna: Mm-hmm. and this partnership you both fully committed to and it looks like it's working out pretty well as well.

[00:26:01] Josh: Oh yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. Absolutely.

[00:26:19] Diane: I think doing the work on yourself first, you know, expecting that you are, you have to believe that you are enough as a human, as an individual, and to not settle for anything less than yourself and not look for someone else to fill that gap for you. I think is the first step and that it's never too late.

[00:27:01] Josh: And yes, And, for me, I, I would say be aware.

[00:27:28] Josh: Right. The reality is we did, we do. Everybody does. Mm-hmm. And if you're aware of what you want and you put that intention out there and you set it and you think about it and you write about it, um, journaling is another piece of self-care that we didn't, we kind of glossed over. But that would be my thing is just be aware and don't be afraid to set that intention.

[00:28:00] Shawna: That is incredible I have my amazing partner that I am so blessed to have and so grateful for.

[00:28:25] Shawna: And I love that. I love that you had it in your bra, Diane , and then let it

[00:28:30] Diane: I, it was in my heart. It was as close to my heart as I could get it.

[00:28:46] Shawna: Yes.

[00:28:49] Shawna: .People need to know that and to own that, to know that they can have that in their, their relationships that they have too, to be able to live up to that.

[00:29:00] Diane: Thank you.

[00:29:02] Diane: Yes, it's awesome.

[00:29:31] Diane: Until next time, remember- you are a badass and you are not alone.