These two segments focus on forgiveness, which doesn't right a wrong, but it does disconnect us from being a slave to the experience. The forgiveness is really for ourselves. Lori Hutson joins Suzanne on behalf of Vitality Revolution podcast series gold sponsor Humana, talking about physical and emotional wellness. If you're wondering to stay active and vibrant in the second half of your life, we hope you'll join us through this series. Lori, owner of L.J. Hudson Insurance LLC in Washington, talks about the wellness mindset promoted by Humana. In this segment, Suzanne and Lori describe resentments they held onto for decades that affected their lives. In part 2, they talk about how they were able to let go of those grudges and forgive.
Suzanne shares a deeply personal experience that she doesn't normally talk about. When she was 22, a 14 year old skateboarder collided with her car while she was driving down a country road, and he died on impact. The sheriff sent her home, saying it wasn't her fault, but she was nonetheless distraught. Her mother was out of town, and when Suzanne called her on the phone and asked her to come home to help her deal with what had happened, she refused. Suzanne ended up harboring hurt, betrayal, anger, and resentment toward her mother for decades. Those feelings affected her life's outlook, in particular preventing her from being willing to trust and rely on others.
It's a relief to learn how to let go of the expectations we have on others. Learning to communicate not only with others, but get in touch with your own stories that you tell yourself about your life.
Lori shared a personal experience as well. “I'll share a story that I don't share very often, in even my close circle, about my kids' father. I had my kids really young. I really had a lot of things going on, and I really wanted this family, and I jumped into a relationship in my teens. I had my kids really young, and then he turned out to be a major drug addict. And so when my kids were 14 and 16, he tried to force them to do drugs with him. And of course I didn't know any of this was going on, and people that are on drugs, they can snow-job you. I thought he was clean. He was spending time with the kids, and come to find out he was pretty much forcing them into doing drugs or persuading them. My older son was 16 and he was at the point in his life where he could turn his back and say no. My younger son was 14, and he got into it, and that started a very long, eight-year battle for him. And he's doing fantastic now.
"But it was a challenge every day. I wanted to hang their dad — I wanted to hang him up by his toenails. And I was just so angry, hurt, resentment and blame, and it was really easy for me to shift all the things that I needed to take responsibility for, and put those on him. So all my kids problems were his fault. And so it was a long process for me to go through that. And I think one of the things for me is acknowledging, I had to just acknowledge where I was, forgive myself, because I did the best I could, I didn't have a lot to work with, because of my childhood. So I had to forgive myself and then accept responsibility for the things that I did that were not.”
Suzanne adds, " I think we hear things, like you can't change anybody else, you can only change yourself. The other thing I always think about is, life is nothing but a mirror of our consistent thoughts. And I truly believe this, we're gonna attract that type of energy towards us what we're putting out and, and in order to to have a fuller life, it's like banging the drum in your head, it doesn't make you attract the kind of people you wanna be around, number one. But even more importantly, it damages yourself, it damages your self esteem, it damages your own health, because of the resentments that you're you're churning in your head.
"One of the things that we want to talk about in our next segment is about how to let go of those resentments and how to move through it."
You can contact Lori through her website at L.J. Hudson Insurance LLC. Hear more of Lori's podcasts on Answers for Elders. Learn more about the overall Vitality Revolution podcast series and find more episodes about Physical Wellness and Emotional Wellness. Learn more about Answers for Elders, the North Star in Navigating Senior Care.
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