Shownotes
Join us on InsideAMind Podcast Season 1, Episode 8, as we delve into Alex Bowen's transformative journey from Love Island glamour to a beacon of hope in men's mental health advocacy. ✨Get into the world of Cold Water Therapy and enjoy 15% OFF all Lumi Products with code INSIDEAMINDPOD! Shop now: https://lumitherapy.co.uk/?dt_id=1119525
Discover how the personal loss of a close friend catapulted Alex into the forefront of mental wellness, utilizing his platform for meaningful change.
The intersection of social media 📱, reality TV 📺, and mental health is a space fraught with pitfalls, particularly for men. Alex gives a candid account of his time after Love Island, shattering stereotypes about the glamorous life of a reality star ✨.
He shares his struggles with online trolls, the physical and mental toll of club appearances and heavy drinking 🍻, and the challenge of balancing a high-pressure career with fatherhood 👨👧👦.
With raw honesty, Alex discusses the importance of privacy 🤐 and shares his strategies for juggling work, family, and mental health in the digital age 📲.
As our conversation with Alex concludes, we tackle the role of fitness in mental resilience 💪🧠. From transitioning from bodybuilding to functional fitness to extreme fitness challenges, Alex isn't just flexing muscles; he's building mental strength.
He talks about how fitness helps him remember his best friend and deal with grief 💭, offering a fresh perspective on dealing with loss. From his approach to fatherhood, his views on resilience, and plans for the future, Alex invites us into his world, revealing the power of presence 👨👧👦 and the significance of supporting one another 🤝.
DONATE TO BIRMINGHAM MIND HERE: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/alex-bowen3
⏰Timestamps
(0:00:00) - Men's Mental Health and Social Media
(0:06:18) - Social Media's Impact on Reality TV
(0:11:51) - Balancing Work, Privacy, and Fatherhood
(0:15:53) - Fitness Linked to Mental Resilience
(0:19:50) - Dealing With Grief and Supporting Others
(0:25:13) - Challenges, Resilience, and Fatherhood Lessons
(0:30:45) - Fatherhood, Resilience, and DJing
(0:39:03) - Men's Mental Health and Future Plans
(0:45:54) - The Power of Being Present
✨Boost your Mental Well-Being with the right supplements—get 10% off all Motion Nutrition products with code INSIDEAMIND! Shop now: https://motionnutrition.com?sca_ref=5189720.dp13IP6zqK
This video is about Love Island To Lifeline: Alex Bowen's Fight For Men's Mental Health - S1 Ep.8. But It also covers the following topics:
Breaking Mental Health Stigma
Support For Men's Mental Health
Alex Bowen's Journey
Video Title: Love Island To Lifeline: Alex Bowen's Fight For Men's Mental Health - S1 Ep.8 | InsideAMind Podcast
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✅ About InsideAMind Podcast.
Hosted by Tom McCormick & Joe Moriarty
We are on a mission to help people better understand their 'problems' and be able to turn them into positives.
This podcast is a lighthouse for people lost in the fog of well-being challenges. We hope the guests we bring on and the obstacles we have overcome ourselves allow you to know you are not alone.
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Transcripts
Welcome back to the podcast. I'm Tom, I'm Joe and this is Inside of Mine. Whether you're watching or listening, wherever you are in the world, we hope that this podcast can provide valuable advice on how to better deal with your physical and mental well-being. Sit back, relax and join me in introducing our special guest today, mr Alex Byrne. What's that?
::Have you and my friend I don't know about special.
::Thank you for having me. Maybe we've got loads to chat about today. It's been great to get to know you off camera as well. The most chilled out guy, cool guy I could ever meet. I told Joe about that because sometimes you deal with people and it's a bit stressful.
::It's been smooth. Saying it, it's been perfect. Let's keep it smooth. Let's keep it smooth.
::So the topics we're going to discuss today is everything based around men's mental health social media, the effects of social media, some of the charity work you're doing and the sick challenges which you've got coming up as well, which I can't wait to talk about later on. So the first off, could you just tell the viewers a bit about yourself and a bit about your story?
::Yeah, so the way that I started to get into the whole men's mental health and raising awareness last year my best friend took his own life. To be fair, it was the hardest thing for me because in the space of a year, I had the birth of my baby boy, which was the highest of the high, and then, within the six months span, my best friend took his own life, and then that was kind of like the lowest of the low, and there's quite a few things that got me through it, Obviously my son being the main one and my wife. But then I just like basically threw myself into a lot of challenges and just tried to use my platform as much as I could just to raise as much money and raise as much awareness as I can around men's mental health.
::So that's amazing and I really appreciate and Joe does as well that you actually using a platform to do that, because that's hard to do. You don't have much, from what I can see, you don't have much of a private life anymore. Everything's quite public so doing that massive respect to you.
::I mean, to be honest, it's kind of annoying to me that it kind of took my best friend to die to keep me up, to be like I need to do something more platform, Because I kind of just used it for like just kind of personal life, business life. I never really done anything for anyone else kind of it on it. So yeah, it was kind of like a good thing that I decided to do really it's great.
::I can't wait to touch on all this stuff later on properly as well. I love with podcasts like this is if I was to meet you in a bar or a parable, wherever you don't really get to know the proper Alex. But I'd love to throw it back to the start and hear a bit about you, a bit about where you're from growing up and what that was like.
::Okay, so, as you can tell from my accent, I'm from Birmingham.
Well actually I was born in West Bram and I lived, I kind of moved around like the West Midlands a little bit. I didn't really know. My dad never met him, so just my mom that bought me up. I'd like to think that she raised the gentleman, someone that's like been brought up pretty well. So, yeah, well done, mom. And yeah, obviously football was pretty much my life growing up. I was going to actually be a PE teacher.
I didn't really know what I wanted to do my life. To be honest, I was always kind of like last minute like thing. I never really had my life planned out. And then I kind of like got into like PT and stuff, started to do that and that was pretty much my passion, but like I needed to earn a bit of money. So my friend who actually passed, he got me a job scaffolding and I absolutely loved it just being on site with the lads, like having the crack and stuff, like I really enjoyed it. And then straight after that I had a call and that was when I got asked to go on the TV show and then that was when my life just completely changed from there really.
::What was? It? Was football sort of your main, main thing. You're like that's my goal, I want to be a football. Or did you always, kind of in the back of your head, want to be a bit of a social media influencer, or did that just come come randomly to you?
::I mean there's influencer thing I hate with a passion. Like I hate being like the influence. I'm hate being called an influencer Because, like I don't really influence nothing. What I get you to maybe buy a t-shirt or a pulse. I mean, like, to me, influencer is someone that's like adding value to your life kind of thing or like motivating you in a certain way. But yeah, back to that. Like to me, football was always the main thing for me and then obviously when I got injured, I just kind of like sack that off and then I start going to party and drinking and then that's the way in my life kind of a little spiraled a little bit. And then that's when I got into like working full time and stuff.
::And then, sorry, you said, from there you went into scaffolding which your best mate introduced you to.
::Yeah, yeah, he introduced me to it. And do you know what? At first they always used to like have a laugh in a gel at me, used to call me suntan, used to call me boy, and do you know what? I really I loved it, man, like it was just like the best.
That was some of the best years of my life, like in some of the hardest work, but I really enjoyed it, yeah, and then obviously, my life just pretty much like propelled after that and then sorry, from there on to love yeah yeah, so I remember they messaged me on Instagram and then I kind of just split up with my girlfriend at the time and then I was like I remember it just raining one day and it was like horrible, we're sitting in the van. I was like I don't want to do this anymore and then I messaged them back and then we've been like two, three months. I was on the show, so what's that on Instagram.
::They just send you, they just messaged me on Instagram. Yeah, yeah.
::Well, they messaged me like two, three times and then I just never applied them. I thought, you know, because I didn't really know what it was. I don't really watch TV Like I know. The only thing I used to watch was like big brother back in the day. They really know what anything was. And then obviously I went for my interviews. I kind of like played my character up a little bit, so I got on the show and then that was it.
::Yeah, From there you met Olivia, your wife on the show.
::Did you ever?
::think you'd go on that show and actually sort of find love and come away and have a wife from it.
::No, no, I went on there for a suntan Like to be honest, this whole like influence thing, if you want to call it that, like all the paid jobs, and that wasn't a thing really, that was kind of just coming into place when we come off the show. So yeah, I just went on there not knowing what to expect, but I just think, like in this kind of life, you've just got to say yes to all these opportunities and then whatever comes your way comes your way, do you know? I mean, yeah, for sure, mate, that's so good here.
::It's worked out well for you, and the bit I wanted to touch on with love Island is and this is slightly controversial in a way, but I feel like it's either or and you came out really well you met Olivia. You guys have great life. You just had able but I know a lot of people from that show, or not a lot, but few have taken their lives and not been able to sort of deal with the social media pressure. What's that like sort of? In the spotlight of social media, is it hard to deal with the like trolls and people behind screens saying mean things on the show and calling people names and stuff.
::Yeah, I mean to be honest like I know it's controversial, but the way I think about it, like you just said, obviously they are attached to love Island the three that took their life but I feel like they're kind of just use. I've got no loyalties towards love Island. Like I speak to one of the producers now and again, like once in a blue moon, I've got no loyalties to him. So I'm not for him or against them. But that was like can you swear on you? Yeah okay.
To me. I just feel like there's a lot of bullshit that there was, like it's all connected to love Island. It's like people have got other stuff going on in the lives and I kind of know what one of them got going on.
But people just kind of pin love Island to me and it wasn't that at all, do I mean? But everyone just wanted to use that as a thing. But going back to like the social media aspect of it, no one likes to like. I didn't really get that many trolls, luckily, like I kind of like swerved it, but I know a few people that did deal with it. It's like I mean, imagine just someone come up to you all the time and just being horrible constantly, every day. It's just on long bully and that's all it is really. But then there's a kind of it's kind of like you sign up for the show or you go to expect that. Do you know me?
::Yeah, such a shame. Though Did it help at all that you had a living with you at the same time, to sort of you could bounce off each other and say if you Were going to ask your master's?
::for people could do.
::Did it help? Do you think that you came off out of each other?
::Yeah, I mean to be honest because we both had normal lives and normal jobs. Then when we come off the show we can't everything that we went through. We was like learning about it together. So any bad comments online, I mean live always just say you just block and delete and then they're gone forever. Yeah, I mean like that's the you slide.
::We just help teach a girl on the way, really yeah and the majority of people wouldn't say that to your face if they saw you in person and that's the most annoying thing.
::Yeah, exactly that. Probably come to you. Ask for a picture, like you know.
::I mean I just like mate, like it's annoying like Joe and Joe and I've had a few come. Nothing bad, nothing awful to, you're just a bit like. You read it and you're like why? They why they put that I send it to Joe and Joe was like why they put that on like a mental well-being Pop-car.
::Yeah it's Matt, but that's the thing like the fact that people take time at their day to say something bad online. It's just like they're obviously not happy in their life, but the thing is like you're never gonna be able to control it, so there's always gonna be idiots out there that are gonna say horrible things like she just got to try and like forget about them and move on and just come to try on the good that you're doing. I guess.
::Yeah, is that live. You're sort of top tip is just let's you block.
::Yeah, she just blocks and delete everyone she get bothered by stuff.
Not really, she doesn't get bothered. I mean, there has been certain things in the past. I mean one thing bothered me before. It's kind of like when I come out the show. I. I had all these appearances at clubs and stuff and I still find it weird to this day. But like I was like getting drunk every single night, like, and I had a gig Don't know five, six times a week. I had one night off and I remember like my mom coming to visit Essex and then I was having a meal and I wasn't even in the room, like my mind was just gone and I lost loads of weight. And then I had like people comments insane, oh well, you've lost loads of weight, are you ill? And stuff. And I used to really get to me to a stage where I just like I'd have to wear like it being the summer, I put like two jumpers on.
::Were you not aware of it at the time? Was it a bit of a wake up call for you?
::Well, I was aware of it, but like having people to keep saying it on your photos constantly, I was just like he was getting me down quite a lot with when it comes to the drinking and stuff.
::We relying on that to get through it.
::Oh, yeah, you don't strum as a kind of person who actually thrives that attention when you were from, let's say, a club appearance or yeah, I mean to be honest, I do find it weird, like obviously when I was, I was 24 when I come off that show, so I'm 32 knows quite a long time ago. So I was in a different headspace then. Like I'm maybe I did enjoy, I'm not gonna lie, it was like a fun time for me, but it kind of got to the stage where I was drinking was over, like it was old, like I was shadowing everything else that I was doing. Yeah, it was just kind of like I needed to feel normal and have a drink to be comfortable in a certain like a social situation.
::Being about coming at us with your mom. That was a wake-up call for you. I'm gonna kick up the arse to you well especially because my mom's in Wolverhampton.
::I moved to Essex so I was kind of like that was the first time I've moved at my mom's house. Yeah. I mean a being an only child like as well and just always being me and my mom. That was a tough thing for mom and that as well.
::Yeah, I bet, I bet.
::What about us? Is that in Essex now around like Chelmsford area?
::No, so I moved to Chelmsford and then there we lived, just brand by Stansted Airport. Oh yeah, it's my girlfriend's in Chelmsford.
::Oh, really, I'm there all the time. I love Essex.
::Yeah, I love Essex, mate. It's so funny that when I moved to Chelmsford I was like this is countryside to me.
::No, that's great. In terms of finishing off, I we won't talk too much on Love Island because I know I know you probably get arsed this all the time. But coming off Love Island, what were some of the main sort of lessons you took from that show and sort of Propelling you into your next phase of life?
::I've always been one of these people. That's kind of just like. I think I mentioned it earlier. It's like you just say yes to every opportunity you get and I feel like that's why me and live have kind of Stayed in this kind of industry for so long, because normally you get like six to twelve months and then there's another Love Island and then you just you've gone.
Luckily, me and live have stayed like getting work and we've been like met a living out of it really. But I think that just stems from just being like taking every opportunity you can, being nice to absolutely everyone you meet, because, like a lot of people let it go to their heads, you know, I mean, and to me you just on a little TV show, like it's nothing, it's nothing like yeah, and some people let it go to the heads and they're horrible to, like the makeup artist or the cameraman. Like I'm nice to everyone, I'm just here, I'm just chatting and chatting to you now and I feel like that kind of like gets around and then you get more work and that's so just like stay groundless.
::Yeah, so you got definitely, especially with social media as a whole, and it's. I was scrolling through TV with my parents other than I and your house On some show I did. I didn't end up watching it because I was preparing for this and I was like.
::I was like, what's that like?
::sort of having like your private You're private space in a way. Be on the TV.
::It looked amazing by the way, it was an awesome house.
::There's a great story behind it as well.
::It is. I still find it weird, especially when they're filming at your house and that as well, because everyone can see it. But then again we had our wedding filmed do you know what I mean? And then we did like a TV show after it, like happily ever after it was called, and it was kind of just like life after being married with me and living that. And that was quite difficult because I got to the stage where I was getting sick of all the TV stuff, like I wanted to try and get away with it. But then, like at the end of the day, sometimes you just got to think about the bread and butter.
::That's good. I was going to ask you that Are you able to, because you're both quite down to earth, aren't you? Are you able to separate the two lives together? Because that is work as well? You have to remember that as well, because obviously it's a good earner for you in one way, but actually your private life and holidays with the family, especially now you've got a baby is it quite hard to sort of separate the two together, or have you just got into a habit of doing it yourself?
::Well, obviously, like, all the work and stuff that we do is from home, so it is kind of hard to like separate it. But now that Abel's kind of gone since having Abel, our life just changed completely. We can't even like get to the gym. We're about saying, liv, can you just watch him for an hour? Do you know what I mean? But now, like, he's just a nursery two days a week, so that's the days that we use for work, so that's where we keep the work, work and then all the family stuff separately.
::That's the best way to do it really. What's it been like transitioning to fatherhood?
::Do you know what the biggest thing that I've learned is and I think this stems from me being an only child like I need to have more patience Because it's kind of just like all your time and that is gone as well. So, like I said, if you want to get to the gym, you can't, you've got to plan everything around this little person. But then, like, especially if I'm putting Abel to bed and sometimes he doesn't want to get to sleep I'm like oh God, but then it'll look up you and smile. It just makes it all worth it. I feel like that's what's taught me in a master's just to have more patience and, to be honest, to be more present as well.
I kind of went through a stage of just being on my phone constantly and I mean I was getting to the stage where I was, but I have Abel in my arms walking down the top of the stairs to the bottom. I checked my phone at the top. By the time I got to I put it back in my pocket. By the time I got to the bottom I pull it out again and just check and I was like I'm addicted to my phone.
::It's mad, isn't it, it's mad, it's crazy.
::It's just such a vice.
::Yeah, I have that. Problem at the moment is obviously you get your screen time. That comes through every day and like it's stupid I must be spending six, seven hours a day on my phone.
It's so unhealthy. But the one thing I find hard is the majority of the things I hate social media. That's one of my things. I'm a very private guy and this is tough for me, you know, being on a podcast putting my life out there. But one of the main things which has been really hard for me is, of course, I'm private. I used to switch my phone off, but now everything's on social media, the podcast, what I'm doing, you know, if I'm talking to Shravan on editing behind the scenes, and it's just, I feel like I can't get away from it. And that's what I find really hard is like, do you have sort of digital detoxes, in a way? And just, are you able just to close it off and be like no, that's it, I don't want to, because that's something I really struggle with.
::I'll be honest, I think you're totally right. I struggle with it as well. Like there's so many there's actually a little thing you can buy done if you've seen it and like it's like a little box with a code in and you put your phone in the box and then you time it for an hour, like an hour time, yeah, and it doesn't open until the hour's up.
So you've got your phone. I was thinking about getting that, let's say, but otherwise. But yeah, it's just hard to like kind of keep the two separate because obviously you want your podcast to grow and do well, so you've got to put all your time and effort into it and it's not like you can get all this work done in nine to five.
Sometimes at seven, eight o'clock at night you might need to do something, but I think it's just about kind of setting yourself boundaries and limits to like how much you can work in the day.
::You touched on physical fitness before. This is something we're both huge on, especially Jo's. Jo's a PT, I'm coaching and stuff like that and loves it In terms of physical fitness. What type of things are you doing for it at the moment, because I know you've got some really cool challenges coming up.
::So obviously I was always bodybuilding since I was like 15, 16. And then when I'm made, when obviously Joel passed, I started to like get back into running again. I don't really ruin, since I was playing football I had a couple of injections in my knees so I couldn't feel my knee pain. It was fine. I know I'm just masking it, I'm not fixing it, but I'll sort that one. I'm a bit older but yeah, literally I just made the change to like more functional fitness and I just feel like it helped me mentally, because when I'm just bodybuilding you kind of just like on your phone, do three sets, chill for like two minutes, back for three sets. I was getting bored of it, whereas this it's like constant work. By the time I finished all the endorphins and everything that's released. I just feel great at the end of it and then I started to do some bodybuilding. So, yeah, the running, running like really helps like with my mental health.
::There is a movement behind that as well. I noticed a lot of people are coming away from it by all means like I'm big into my weight training as well, but since I started doing more cardio I feel happier, and a lot of my friends are involved in the mental health space and do fitness as well Since they've started running, swimming, cycling. The difference they've seen compared to the weight training is just through the results. It's just not. They just feel something before it.
::Do you know what I think it is? Yet it's like the intensity of it, like you know to get out and just run a 10K, like you struggle, maybe 3, 4k, then you like your body gets used to it, 5, 6k, you're back in the game. Then, like the last 2K, you really push yourself and when I finish, I feel like I'm just going to collapse on the floor. Then all of a sudden I just get this rush. I'm like I've done that for the day. I've like I'm ready to go a bit my day and just get my stuff done. Do you know what I mean? So I love that.
::Do you feel like mental resilience with a line of physical fitness is something that's big? Because I think this is something I spoke about in the past podcast was I feel like I took the easy way out on a lot of physical fitness and you know I played a high level sport, loved the gym, but in my head I was always like if no one was watching, I'd have to do the 12 reps. I'll do like 10 or 9. And that was such an awful mindset I feel like since I've started actively being like I'm doing that amount, I'm setting that everything in my life. You know, whether it's coming to this, whether it's coming to resilience and work, whatever I'm doing has all transformed just from that one change in physical fitness.
::And it sounds so stupid because it sounds like such a minor thing. Yeah, people would say like it sounds like cliche and that, but it's nice, it's true. I genuinely believe if you, to me it's all a bit confidence, like so, if you get like social anxiety when you walk to a room, I'll get it, I'll get it. I'll still get sometimes. Sometimes I just don't feel confident. If you walk in to a room with your head held high, you feel like you're in good shape, you feel good about yourself mental, like physically, you're going to feel better mentally and that's just a massive confidence thing. Do you know what I mean?
::And you touched on before as well and I know this is a sensitive topic about your best friend and I have so much respect for you for talking about on your platform raising money with Burmian mind and things like that. How has that sort of been dealing with that? Obviously, you said about having the birth of your son around that time as well. So it's a very best day of your life and probably one of the worst days of your life. How have you been able to deal?
::with that. To be honest, with the challenges and stuff that I was doing. I think it was more of a sense of I didn't want to forget him. Do you know what I mean? So it's kind of helping me mentally and then it's also helping everyone else, hopefully, Because I've had people messaging me saying, oh, what you're doing is really great and you're talking about it. It's made me open up to people. Even if I help one or two men a year do you know what I mean? Or even just one, I'd be happy with what I've done. So, yeah, I just think that there's a lot of things that I want to do for men's mental health and it's like helping me, it's helping everyone else and it's just helping me not forget Joe.
::Joe struggled with anything before he took his life. I mean, was there signs there? What time did you have that?
::Yeah, I mean to be honest, there was a few things I mean this person of that didn't really go into it. But the last straw was he lost his nine and he kind of tried to do something before and we thought he was kind of out of it. But you never really know when someone's okay.
::He'd been battling for a while then.
::Yeah, he'd been battling for a while and then obviously his name passed and I feel like that was just the icing on the cake we've been really.
Because, to be honest, the first time it was kind of just like I mean, it's hard for me to talk about it really, but the first time he was kind of telling us Like but so it was kind of like a cry for hell. And then the second time he didn't want to Buck you. Well, we just thought he was fine, yeah, yeah, and that was the worst thing about it really.
Yeah because, like, like, he was supposed to be coming out with me on a night out the week after, like everything was fine and then all of a sudden, I got a phone call and it was gone, yeah, and I just like, yeah, it's horrible really how has it been with the friendship group that you have with Joe?
::How's it changed since then? Has it changed at all with dynamic, wise, in terms of reaching out to each other, or?
::I mean, to be honest, we was kind of always good anyway, because we kind of dealt with what Joel was going through a little bit, because we, like as a city, tried to do something before, but like we've had a few friends, like They've had friends that have killed himself kind of thing.
So we've all been kind of around here. But I always say, like it's a hard thing to like step forward and like even say something to your best friend, or even just like Just someone you know kind of thing. But maybe, like I always call it like the three text rule. So it's kind of like you text someone saying you are you all right, mate?
And if they say yeah, you and I just like no, you're really okay, and that's like like to take all the embarrassment out of it to see if someone's okay, and then that's like the little signal to be like I was actually asking me for more. I don't know. You've got the option, then, whether to like come forward and tell you or just leave it like so yeah.
::I love that I appreciate you showing that a lot. And Just from my point of view, is I lost someone very close to me as well. And one thing I really struggled with and it's kind of a catastrophe why we started this as a whole was I Bottle all that, all of it up inside just for so long and I felt like I couldn't talk and I felt like I couldn't share because I didn't want to burden anyone else. How was it for you when you, were you able to sort of talk about it? Obviously it's hard, very hard to talk about now still, at that time, were you just what was your mindset? Were you let's keep this inside, or did you just bring everyone close to you?
::Well, to be honest, I didn't really. When I first found out I got my phone, do I just drop my phone on the floor? And then I remember just like we've got all country fields at the back of our O's, just when I like a two hour walk. I shouldn't have done it because I left my phone in the kitchen and live was worried about me. Then I come back. I just I didn't stop crying the whole way and then I remember, like, getting in the show, I coming out and I said, leave, can you get me like a bottle of whiskey? And then I drank the whole bottle and I was like Then I walk with the next day and I was like, forget that. I said I'm not doing that again Because that's when you can get into like a little like a bad routine of like thinking that's just gonna be okay.
And then I didn't really speak about it for a while. Then I thought to myself like I've got all these following, like I need to start doing something. And then the first time I spoke about it I got really upset about it. But then after that I remember like people asking me about it and I could actually talk. So it's just that first step of just getting it off your chest, which helps.
::Do I mean she?
::sounds like from what I've just seen. I followed your.
::Instagram for years now. Yeah, this is crazy for us to like be here actually chatting to you, especially when I saw you on TV. I didn't realize it was eight years ago, but she sounds like she was amazing, yeah.
::I mean, to be honest, I'm very lucky to have my wife man like she's. She helps me out through pretty much anything like she looks after me a lot as well, do you know? I mean we've got this a lot really good dynamic. But yeah, she like obviously at the same time when I had my son, like I was kind of focusing on that as well and live like let me kind of add some leniency towards it, because you knew what I was going for it, but like I just kind of had to step back up and just be a dad again, I guess mm-hmm, was alcohol sort of like her, not a soother what's.
::it was the worst, like I'm a coping mechanism for what you were going through at that time.
::Yeah, I mean to me it was I just that first day, and then I didn't do it again, yeah, so woke up the next day feeling really bad and I was just like I felt a bit ungover, well obviously. And then I just kind of thought to Myself I don't want to get into that routine because it didn't, when I was doing it, didn't even make me feel better, do you? I thought, oh yeah, a bit like people say, numbs the panic, I'll do anything. It just makes you feel worse.
::So what was a turning point for you in terms of going down the physical challenges route, or do you just that? That's your background as well, so does that have a um, yeah, I mean to be honest, I've had.
::I don't know if you know Josh Patterson is yeah, yeah 76 marathon, 76 days, like yeah mad I'd done one with him. Yeah, killed me, but yeah, he kind of done a few bits for men's mental health and that and that kind of like. I seen a few of his posts I was like I need to be doing something like that and that's why I just channeled it into that, really so all the pain Sort of just into physical fitness yeah you've seen that guy who um Ran the train line, have you seen?
oh yeah, josh done a little bit with him. Yeah, all the two, all the tubes, and yeah every tube like the net line did every single station.
::Yeah, it's crazy, would you?
::ever do something like that. I'm a dog. I don't think my knees are taking. They're really bad. What's?
::the problem with the needs, you know? Oh, my ACL is just nonexistent.
::Oh really bad, yeah, bad.
::Do you think you'll be able to push through these big challenges? Oh, oh yeah, I'm gonna do it.
::I mean to be honest, it was more of a sense of like when my ACL it's like, like you know actual movements and like stop and start in, like this is just constant straight line running straight line, it doesn't really hurt that much.
::You don't know, tell the guys watching with a little bit about the challenge You're doing, you know?
::yes, I'll some of the challenges I'm doing. I'm actually doing a 24 hour constant run. Well, that's what I was gonna do and I kind of changed the rules a little bit. I'm gonna do 5k every hour on the hour for 24 hours and then, once that's done, I'm not gonna stop there, I'm just gonna do something else. I'm just gonna keep doing stuff until yeah, well, until I'm do you know what? I don't even know when I'm gonna stop. I actually really enjoyed doing it like I want to do like a ultra marathon, like everything like so.
::Have you ever seen that thing called marathon?
::Disable that's you know, spencer Matthews, you have yeah from main Chelsea.
::Yeah, he, he did the marathon to saw a blur and it's 250 kilometers in Six days. I think you you run for fire or you can walk it, whatever. Yeah. You have to stay ahead of the camels, 250 kilometers In the desert, by the way, in the desert, and you do 50 kilometers a day in, like the roaring heat and that's basically a competition. He raised loads of money For it and did it as his like. Obviously did his Everest climb as well. I don't even saw that program, but that guy's does crazy.
::Yeah, that is crazy. Yeah, I'll probably swerve that one as well.
::How much is that 120 kilometers you're doing? Is that awful massive? No, I think it's 120. I mean to be honest.
::I was just gonna do like 24 hours constant, but you can kind of just like run it. You've run at a slow pace. I mean, to be honest, I was kind of tempted to try and beat a target every 5k, so I could. So basically I could run for 40 minutes and then do 5k 40 minutes, then I could have 20 minutes rest, then go again. I want to try and do it in under half hour every time so I get off our every time. Yeah, that'd be good to do.
::I can't make it too easy. You're gonna do that through social media. Have like a team of you said you, when you launch a podcast with your videographers, yeah, yeah, he's gonna do it all.
::I mean, to be honest, I was gonna do it on a track for like 12 hours, getting like a DJ there and stuff and everything else, and then go into the road after. But obviously my knee was pretty bad so I had to like push it back and they're because the weather's getting worse.
::Yeah, I might just do it from home, really so obviously we spoke about able before and transitioning to fatherhood. One thing I always wanted to know was, and Could you give some advice on what sort of lessons you're gonna teach able? Growing up from things you've learned the hard roads and the best times what sort of fundamental lessons are you gonna teach it?
::Well, I kind of got in trouble for this, david, actually. Oh, really yeah, because obviously I got my own podcast and the first one was about fatherhood and there was kind of like a mixture of views about it. Like to me, yeah, I might as well just reset on it. So you know, obviously we're meant to mental health and stuff that talk about like we should open up more, show our emotions, like cry, show our weaknesses, and that I 100% agree with that. We should.
But then I think sometimes you need to have that resilience about you as well, and I don't, obviously, with a younger generation, if we keep pushing that narrative of showing weakness all the time, like how they're gonna build any resilience. Do you know what I mean? I feel like you've gotta overcome things on your own. And I said that and if you, to be fair, 90% of people agreed with me. Then there was 10% saying like you don't need to push anything on your kids and I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna push it on him, but like I'm gonna teach him a bit of resilience along the way, like life's not always like sunshines and rainbows. You know what I mean? I completely agree with that. I can't agree more.
::You cannot agree more.
::Because it's just a scary narrative that we're pushing, like yeah, and someone said like, oh, so you think crying's weakness? And I went, yeah, it is, but I said the strength comes from you crying in front of someone else, because tears are just pain leaving the body, that's all it is. So it is a weakness, but then for you to like, be stronger, bear it. You do it in front of people and be open and honest, and that's where you show your weakness. Do you feel like?
::you need a sort of strong core group that you can do that to.
::you know where that's friends, family, oh yeah, definitely yeah, I mean, to be honest, it doesn't really matter who you open up to as long as you do it. But that's what I mean. Sometimes it depends on the person's situation. But sometimes you go up and gotta like get your shit together and get sort of yourself, or you gotta open up and just find out what's gonna help you along that road. You know what I mean.
::You mentioned earlier being raised by your mum. Mainly. Did she raise you to be sort of a strong, independent young man, or was it sort of tough love, or was it sort of sensitive?
::I mean cause obviously I never knew my dad Like I've still never met him to this day. It was always just me and my mum. But my granddad, he was kind of like my father figure and he kind of just taught me the main values, just like I was swearing in front of women Do you know what I mean? Just be a gentleman in that. So I got most of my values from him. And just seeing my mum like neither I'm a dad and raising a kid me and leave I know how difficult he is so it's made me realise how hard my mum did have it. But yeah, I feel like they've just taught me like some of the best core values and that really it's funny, isn't it?
::Because I actually weirdly, I was Tom's first guest on here. Oh, really, and we spoke about our sort of father figures in our lives and how Tom's the men in his life, have sort of shaped, how he's behaved in a good way and I've looked at the father figures in my life and they're meant to come into my life and how. That's how it is. I don't want to behave. So it's pretty similar to yours in the sense that you've seen what your dad's done.
Yeah, not done in terms of not been there, and I'm sure with your son you'll be there, for you know.
::Yeah, exactly, but I feel like it's half the job of being a dad is just being there just showing up and my dad never showing up and typically I've never really bitched about it, I've never really whined about it Like Liv's friends. Two of the Liv's friends, their mum and dad split up and they was really upset about it, but they've been together. They've been there like 25, 26 at the time.
And they was asking me for advice and I was like I don't know. I said I've never had a dad, so I don't know any different. Like my life's been great Like to me. So, yeah, obviously I just want to be the best dad that I can be for Abel. That's awesome. Yeah, I love that.
::I love that he's so positive about everything as well, and you know what we touched about on the start is it's so easy to just be so negative and like, oh, I've got this wrong, I've got this wrong. But I think what makes the most resilient people and the best people, in my opinion, the ones to go listen, I didn't have that card, doesn't matter, this is what I'm going to do growing up.
::And when.
::I do have a child or I do you know. Have a best friend. If you lost a best friend, I'm going to be the best version of that possible. I think that's awesome that you sort of in a way, it's tragic you haven't had a father growing up, but you've also come out the side really well from it and you're able to be a great father for Abel, and I'm sure it's taught you a lot as well.
::Yeah, I mean, like I said, man, like not having a dad, a lot of people could like act out on it, but I kind of got everything that I ever wanted. So I was a happy kid growing up. And don't get me wrong, I have my days where, like, I'm not always 100%, I'm not always like confident, but then today, like today, I might feel a little bit shit, tomorrow I might feel good.
::What do you do on those days? What are those that look like for you If you're feeling a bit down? Is it if Louis steps in and she's your rock, or yeah, I mean to be honest.
::You can tell when I'm down because I'm very snappy, I become very irritable and snappy, and the smallest my new thing will just annoy me and then I'll either just go for it. If I haven't, especially if I haven't been to the gym or just been for a run in the morning, I feel so bad. I just feel horrible about myself, especially if I've eaten like I don't really eat that great, but like I've actually come to realise that food is a massive thing. If I feel myself full of a load of crap like the next time, I always feel worse for it.
::That's why I stopped drinking, for that reason. The same reason I stopped drinking is because if I go weeks without it, and. I'll have one, two at the rugby club after a game for example, I feel the next day. If I go months and months without having anything, I'm gonna have something. My sleep's affected.
::I'm really crouched. That's the worst thing is the sleep that's affected. That's why you've got to get irritable. But I bet when you was drinking all the time, probably you were drinking every week.
::Well, yeah, times where I drink more, you get used to it. Yeah, you get used to it, and it's not a normal thing to do.
::I'm not saying that everyone don't go out and drink. You live your life and do what you want to do, but, like I said, it does affect people in different ways. 100%.
::If you fully cut alcohol out or you just minimise it, Because I'm at a point where I feel a bit too awkward, you know, a bit too socially awkward to just cut it out fully.
When you're out with your mates at the pub and everyone's just on a different wavelength to you. It's just like I feel so awkward being there. But I think now I'm getting older, a bit more mature. I kind of doesn't bother me as much now, but it's still. I'm not at a point where I can just what are you holding here 21.
::Older, 21. Older, 21 years old.
::Oh, my God, I'm 32. Mate, I'm old.
::That's mad. 21 years old, yeah, 21 years old, that is insane. I'm not old yet. Yeah, you are an old age. I'm not a headline as well. Mate, if you'd have met, me at 21,.
::You wouldn't have had me on this podcast to say that. That is mad. No, that's fair. Yeah but we've like the drinking and that Like I do drink, I'm not gonna lie Like I do like a good drink, but I used to do it quite excessively, Especially like DJing and that as well, like going out you're always kind of around that, so but now I can actually go and not drink if I don't want to drink.
::And that's the hardest thing Tell me about DJ, then, because that's something that you're going really into at the minute, isn't it?
::Yeah, so obviously I grew up like going out. I didn't really go to pubs and clubs, I was going to Raves at like 18. I was gonna say 17 then, but I might get you yes.
Yeah. So I was going there to like Raves and stuff. So I kind of grew up around that. All my friends was kind of DJs and then I kind of just like I always wanted to do it but I never had the time. And obviously when my life changed and like my work and had more time to do whatever I wanted to do, pretty much, I decided to do it. And then it was so funny how I got booked. My mate he could actually DJ at the time I couldn't. I was in Dubai and there was a video of me on the deck so I didn't really know what I was doing. He said turn that down and turn it back up. And then these lads that I knew from Birmingham there was like I don't know, you could DJ.
::And I was like yeah, yeah, I can DJ.
::And they had to run a big event in Birmingham and I used to go to this club when I was a kid and they said we've got an event in two months. Like, do you want to play, you and Joey? Back to back, and I went yeah. So I went to this place called Porridge Studios where you can, like, you rent the deck set, you rent this place for anyone and I was there four times a week for two months.
::Last weekend.
::And then, when I first got behind the deck, I was shaking. I dropped the tune and everyone mad and it was the best thing I've ever felt in my life. Don't just propel from there.
::Having a back. Yeah, never look back.
::That's what I'm saying Just take the opportunity.
::Yeah, yeah.
::I love that.
::What have you got lined up for it now? So I'm actually this weekend I'm DJing three gigs, so I'm going to be quite tired this weekend.
::What?
::three and five no just three and Saturday, daytime ones and nighttime ones, and then hopefully iBeat is on the cards next year and Malta.
::How does it marry in with your life at the minute? Does it work perfectly with the family set up?
::Yeah, I mean to be honest, like I'm glad it's not. I used to do it every week and it's kind of like once, twice a month. But to be honest, it's nice because I don't want to.
::When I go out I can enjoy myself and have a drink then, if it was kind of becoming like every week doing it.
::then I'd get myself into a bit of a rut and then having a kid and being on guard for the next day is not the best thing.
::So also probably a bit that's like your thing Separate family life. Like you said, it's quite hard to separate family life to an extent you've able and live doing the same thing, but that sort of music thing. When you go to the studio you're practicing. That's probably your thing, that physical fitness.
::Well, it's a hobby. I don't really look at it as work, like if I met money from it. Yeah, fair play. But I do because I love doing it. You know what I mean. So it's kind of like you said. It's like fitness and music. I feel like that's my thing.
::Would you ever do like a music event for raising money for charity? Oh, 100%.
::I mean to be honest. I actually spoke about this Lab 11, where that's the first club I played. It's one of the biggest clubs in Brom. I was thinking about doing a 24-hour DJ set, but all my mates jump in for 24 hours and you live stream it, and then we just go back to back for 24 hours and we start doing that.
::I know, I know, would you do that for Birmingham Minds?
::Yeah, everything I'll do is for Birmingham Minds. I went rare, looked at all their offices and all their work that they do and I just feel like that. And obviously it was close to Joe and that as well.
::So that's the reason I chose Birmingham Minds. Tell us a little bit about what we're on the subject of what Birmingham Minds are doing, what the difference they're making, what kind of work they're doing and their local community.
::Yeah, so obviously when people they've got like the hot, is that hotline, if you wanna call it that.
::Yeah, so they call it.
::Obviously they've got people working the phones and stuff like that. They've got like social community events that they do and all the money goes to like employ more people to be on the phones to talk to more people, because not a lot.
There's always some people that slip through the cracks and never get through to them. So obviously the more people that we can get beyond the phone, the better. Then you've got a chance of helping people really, and when I went around the offices and they showed me everything that they do, I was just blown away really. Some of them not a lot of them get paid Like it's just all I mean it's volunteer stuff.
Yeah, there's a lot of volunteer stuff and that as well. So it's really good. And yeah, like I said, because it was like close to home, I just thought that would be the best way to do it.
::Is it based around men's mental health Is?
::it all, just yeah, it's men's mental health, yeah.
::That's it. I'll put all the links below, make sure everyone knows all about Burmian Mind.
I just wanted to read you this quote, which you put on your Instagram, and see your point of view on this. Now You've done so well with it, I hope you can all get on board with this journey with me and we can make a difference to how men deal with their mental health. I'm ready to talk and I want others to be too. I will challenge myself month in, month out to make that happen. I just need your support to raise funds and give Burmian Mind the opportunity to make a difference. This is for Joe. How does that feel listening to that now, knowing you've had over 500 people donate to your Burmian Mind cause from what you've set up, is that like a massive sense of pride that comes from that?
::Yeah, and do you know what? Yeah, like I called it for Joe because I didn't really know what to call it. So we just kind of like I'm doing this for Joe, I'm doing this for Joe, and that just become a thing. And to read that back now and like listen to it, it's like I was very humbled, like, but, like before, and like I said, I never use my platform to do something good, and there that I have, like it's just like you said, it does fill me with pride. But, like I said, I'm doing it to like help me mentally and I'm also doing it to like help as many men as I can. So do you have a set amount you want to?
::achieve for.
::Well, I put like 50K on there, but I just feel like I'm just gonna get more than that. Cause, when it goes, when it reaches 50K, I'm just gonna keep it going. There's not really a limit, like really so.
::And sort of using your social media to boost that up. Obviously, we spoke about social media before and I think social media can be quite a damaging place, but, as we just said, then social media can also be a pretty awesome place.
Especially raising funds like this as well. Just to come back to it before I forget. You said about these challenges Is that gonna be so? Everything's linked to Birmingham Mind? And then you're gonna do this five kilometer run 24 hours, so 120 kilometers, which I think is like I don't even know how many miles.
::You could do it if you were. You could do it if you were. I'll do a 5K. I love you, mate.
::I'll be a pleasure, I'll be a pleasure, I'll be a pleasure, I'll do that with inside of mind, raise much awareness for Birmingham Mind, that'll be great, that'll be awesome. So these are physically demanding tasks you're doing and we said before does it sort of come to mind over matter when you're doing these things?
::Yeah, I mean to be honest, when I'm running and stuff, and sometimes I cannot be bothered Like I'll be on like a 5K or a 10K and I'll be asked today, and then I do think in the back of my mind like for Joel, for Joel, that's what I kind of think, of Remind yourself.
Yeah, you've got to remind yourself a little bit. But yeah, like having like a challenge in place and like a time I've got until this day to do it, that like excites me. Do you know what I mean? I've got a challenge to do myself.
::What's the time set for it?
::Like the date, you're gonna do it, so the date was moved because obviously I've redone my knee, which was not good, so I'm just waiting to get some injections done so I can't feel any pain, and then I'm ready to go Awesome.
::Yeah, it's so bad I shouldn't really say enough. I'm doing it, yeah, but I bet Liv's thrilled to hear what he's like.
::As long as I can still carry out. But Liv's fine, She'll be fine.
::I was gonna ask Instagram. Well, this is what we normally do. We ask Instagram, leave some questions for the guest date. I didn't want to put you on the Instagram just yet. I wanted to sort of let everyone see that when it comes out and we hopefully do a good job of producing this in a good way. But when I sat down a couple nights ago, I was like what were two sort of questions I'd love to ask Alex and if I was in Alex's boots, what questions you know would I feel like would help the most people? But the first one I want to ask is I'd love to know what your sort of goal is over the next five to 10 years, both personally, obviously you've got this charity stuff as well Personally, with Abel is there another kid on the car, potentially and then obviously with the charity stuff and work stuff. What's your plan for the next five years, or is it spontaneous?
::I mean, I'm pretty spontaneous really, but I want another kid, I want a little girl.
::Yeah.
::That'd be amazing. And to be like I'm pretty like I like an easy life man, like, like I said when I was scaffolding at the time of my life, because I had a nice easy life. I get to work, get paid, leave, which I mean my work is very much scattered. Now what I'd like to do just like really in a little bit, not do like social media as much, like posting kind of stuff, and like maybe develop my podcast a lot more. Yeah, we're actually moving out of our house at the minute, so that's like a big thing. We're going to move in more into the town, so Abel's around or the kids and stuff.
We're kind of like secluded at the moment and, yeah, to be honest, that's pretty much it. Man, I really thought I'd bared it too much, like with the challenges and that I don't think they're going to stop. I'm just going to keep doing as many as I can.
::Yeah, I love that, and with your podcast as well. We'll talk about it quickly, because I know you released your first episode today on the what the fuck podcast.
::What the FAQ? Whatever you want to call it.
::And that was based on fatherhood.
::Yeah, yeah, yeah.
::What's the next one coming out? I saw you film like it behind the scenes.
::Oh, there was a Halloween special that we did so basically, with the podcast that I do, it's kind of just like it's because I shoot it at my house just me and Elliot, my friend, and then we'll have guests on on that as well. It's very like you're walking in the cameras and already rolling. It's just a chat. Do you know what I mean? There's no lot of questions on that. I just wanted it to feel like a chat that everyone can get involved in, a laid back.
Yeah, just really laid back and just like if you mess up, you mess up and say like if someone has to go out to the toilet, I'll just be on my phone and the camera will still be running. It's not mean, it'll just be like really natural.
::You've got like topics to talk about as everyday stuff, so that's the reason why we called it what the FAQ?
::So we are on my Instagram. I'll put like a question box up and they'll say what questions do you want to ask this week or whatever, or over the next. I'll just put done like a massive question box and then they just sent loads of stuff in. So there was like 10 a bit men's mental health.
::Yeah.
::Then I'd make one episode around men's mental health. Yeah, there was a lot around fatherhood, so I did it a bit fatherhood I'm not going to give too much away. But the next one is Halloween special. And then we're going to do a music one. So I'm going to get a DJ to come in it's like quite well known and then talk about what the actual scenes like. And then we'll do a social media one. It's something. It's good, isn't it? No, we need to have fun.
::Yeah, let's go, yeah, mate.
::I'd have you on man for the mental health one That'd be great.
::I'd be good mate. I don't know how well we'd, I'm sure we'd be all right.
::But I don't know how well. We'd be fine, mate, you'd be fine man. We've only got three marks. We'll get another one. I'd be fine.
::I love that, appreciate it, I'm going to end it on this question, and this is something that I tend to ask at the end of all of the podcast, but I think it's one of the most powerful things, and it's if you have the opportunity to broadcast one single message to the world. Given all you've experienced, everything you've learned and everything you've advocated, for what would that one message be?
::Just be present. Just be present in everything that you do. And I've learned to realise that when I had my son, like I said, I'd sometimes be on my phone when I was giving him his bottle and I'd be like what are you doing? Do you know what I mean? This is only going to be this like age and size for a little bit, like you've got to cherish every moment. So just be present in everything that you do and just give you 100%.
::The ministry of presence goes a long way. That's wicked man, awesome man. Thank you so much for coming on.
