H is for Hanky Code

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is H and H is for Hanky Code.    I am giving a trigger warning for today because as I go through the whole hanky code, I will mention fetishes that might make you feel uncomfortable, disgusted or trigger a negative reaction.

The Handkerchief Code (also known as hanky code, bandana code, or flagging) was originally used by gay men to signal what type of sex they were into.  There are a couple of theories of where this began.   The stranger theory is that after the Gold Rush, San Francisco was overrun with men.  Since there weren’t enough women at dances, men danced together and the ones who were leading (the male role) wore a blue hanky and those who followed (the female role) wore a red hanky.  Frankly, this theory seems a bit unlikely to me.   

Flagging using keys (left pocket for top, right pocket for bottom) began in the 50’s and 60’s and was one of the ways that gay men could recognise each other.  All through this time, gay sex was illegal in most localities so being able to tell if someone was interested in you without admitting openly that you were gay. 

The second theory was that in 1971 or so, a journalist for the Village Voice (the first alternative newspaper which came from New York City – caters to creates and alternative lifestyles), suggested that instead of wearing keys in the left pocket (top) or the right pocket (bottom) hankies of different colours could give more information about what someone really likes.  This makes more sense to me but has not gone beyond urban legend. It seems no one really knows how this got started.  But get started it did, and in 1982 it was included in the Leatherman’s Handbook.  It was a small code at first, with only a 10 categories signalled and used exclusively by gay men.   In fact, many people suggested that the code wasn’t as important as the fact that it highlighted spaces where these activities took place and people who are open to these activities.   

The use of the code has spread.  It is now common with gay males looking for casual sex, people of all orientations who practice BDSM and in the US, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand.  It is not as widely used as in the past, but it is worth knowing and is an easy way to communicate in noisy environments.  The code has expanded as well.  Traditionally, hankies are worn in the back pocket.  Now they are also worn around the wrist, ankle, leg (on the thigh above the knee) or around the neck with the tie on the left side to signify top, right side to signify bottom and centre to mean switch.

One of the current expanded code looks like this:

Black: Heavy S&M (left = dominant, right = submissive)

Grey:  Bondage (left = top, right = bottom)

Black with white check: Safe sex (left = top, right = bottom)

Grey with Black: Light S&M (left = top, right = bottom)

Grey flannel: Left = Wears suits, right = likes men in suits

Black with white strip = left = likes black bottoms, right = likes black tops

Charcoal: latex fetish (left = top, right = bottom)

Black velvet: videos (left = has/takes videos, right = will perform for the camera)

Light blue: head (left = wants, right = cocksucker)

Light blue with white stripe: sailor (left =sailor, right = likes sailors)

Light blue with white dots: white (left = wants head from whites, right = white cocksucker

Light blue with black dots: black (left = wants head from blacks, right = black cocksucker)

Light blue with brown dots: Latino (left = wants head from Latinos, right = Latino cocksucker

Light blue with yellow dots: Asian (left = wants head from Asians, right = Asian cocksucker

Robin’s egg blue: left = wants 69, right = doesn’t want 69

Medium blue: left = cop, right = cop sucker

Navy blue: Fucking (left = top/fucker, right = fuckee/bottom)

Air force blue: left = pilot/flight attendant, right = likes flyboys

Teal blue: cock/ball torture (left = torturer, right = torturee)

Red: Fisting  (left = fucker, right = fuckee)

Red with white stripe: Shaving (left = shaver, right = shavee)

Red with black strip: Bears (Left = bear, right = likes bears)

Red gingham: park sex (left = top, right = bottom) (This is public sex for those of you who don’t know.  It originally comes from the term parking which was having sex in a car.  Actually, it started with necking in a car and progressed from there.  It was very popular in the 60’s – 80’s and then a resurgence in the early 2000’s)

Maroon: Blood sports (left = cutter, right = bleeds)   People who enjoy blood sports enjoy cutting, seeing the blood and sometimes ingesting it

Dark red:  2 handed fisting (left = fister, right = fistee)  Yes this is fisting with two hands at once.

Light pink: Dildos (left = dildo fucker, right = dildo fuckee)

Dark pink: Tit torture (left = torturer, right = torturee)

Mauve: Navels.  (left = likes belly buttons, right = likes belly button being worshipped)

Fuschia: Spanking (left = top, right = bottom)

Magenta: Armpits (left = likes armpits being sucked, right = loves armpits)

Purple: Piercing (left = piercer, right = piercing)  Most of these are ‘play’ piercings.  The person does not intend them to be permanent so the needle or jewellery is taken out at the end of the session.  Training is needed to do this safely.

Lavender: Drag (left = likes drag queens, right = drag queen)

Yellow: Watersports (left = pisses, right = likes receiving piss)

Pale yellow: Spit (left = spitter, right = likes being spit on)

Mustard: Large penis  (left = hung – 8 inches or more, right = wants a big dick)

Gold: Triad/Ménage a Trois (left = couple looking for 1, right = 1 looking for couple)

Yellow with white stripe: Left = likes Asian bottoms, right =  likes Asian tops

Gold lame: Muscle boys (left = likes muscle boy bottom, right = likes muscle boy top)

Orange: Left = anything, anytime, right = not now, just cruising

Apricot: Left = two tons of fun, right = chubby chaser

Coral: Left = Likes having toes sucked, right = toe sucker aka shrimper

Kelly green: Rent boy (left = for rent, right = looking to hire)

Hunter green: Left = daddy, right = boy

Olive drag: left = military top, right = military bottom

Beige: left = rimmer, right = rimmee (If you don’t know, rimming is licking and sucking on someone’s asshole)

Brown: scat (faeces) (left = top, right = bottom)

Brown lace: Left = uncircumcised penis, right = likes uncircumcised penis

Brown satin: left = circumcised penis, right = likes circumcised penis

Brown corduroy: Left = headmaster, right = student

Brown with white stripe: left = likes Latino bottoms, right = likes Latino tops

Fur: This is a controversial one.  Some say it is for Furries – people who are adopting animal personae and dress as the animal and have sex – so then left is top, right is bottom.  Others say it is actually for bestiality which is having sex with animals. This is not only illegal but non-consensual.

White: Hand job  (left = receiver, right = giver and himself)

Cream: (left = cums in condoms, right = sucks cum out of condoms)

White lace: Left = like white bottoms, right = likes white tops

White velvet: Left = voyeur/likes to watch, right = exhibitionist/will put on a show

White with multicolour dots: left = hosting an orgy, right = looking for an orgy

Silver lame: Left = star fucker, right = celebrity

Leopard: left = has tattoos, right = likes tattoos

Tan: Left = cigar top, right = cigar bottom  Cigar play revolves around the smoke and the ash of the cigar.  Bottoms learn to prepare a cigar for smoking, may have smoke blown in their faces, and may be used as an ashtray.  Their hands can be used or they can learn to take an ash safely in the mouth.  Some put the lit cigar close to the flesh without creating burns. 

There are others that have been added but are not necessarily universal.  For example, a hanky with a fire pattern on it signifies fire play, a piece of cling film/saran wrap = mummification, hounds tooth = biting/likes to be bitten.

There are many fetishes that are not yet represented in this code.    Interestingly, they are not all rare fetishes.  For example, electro sex which is very common.  Electro sex is using electricity as part of sexual play.  There are a variety of toys made explicitly to do this.  It can be very mild stimulation or quite sharp and intense.  Toys range from an old fashioned violet wand to new electro-stim toys.  Violet wands were originally used as medical devices.  Then they were used as beauty devices (and sometimes still are).  In the early 1900’s, these were medical devices used to cure all sorts of things.  The glass electrodes come in all sorts of creative shapes from a comb used to help with headaches to a light bulb.  The gas running through the electrodes creates a colourful glow (colour depending on the gas). 

Though the hanky code seems to be declining in some areas, it is still useful.   You are most likely to see people flagging at leather events and by knowing the code, you start with some extra information about that attractive person you have been watching.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week.

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