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11: Stop Telling Yourself You're “Worthy” of the Investment — You're Justifying Emotional Spending
Episode 11 • 12th June 2024 • Harmonious Wealth • Iyanna Vaughn
00:00:00 00:27:51

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Another coach or service provider launched yet another offer that you know will help you in your business.

Impulsively, you purchase the offer only to immediately feel overwhelmed because you're on yet another payment plan. This time you're unable to pay yourself from your business.


You didn't realize how this investment would impact your cash and it shows up in your energy, leaving you unable to even implement what you're learning.


 You've been investing in yourself consistently because you believe you’re “worthy” of it, but really you're justifying spending.


In this episode, you’ll understand why you’re spending emotionally in your business — both from a sales psychology perspective and from a money mindset perspective. Plus you’ll hear 3 ways you can stop spending emotionally and know what and when to invest in something. 



📚MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love


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Transcripts

Speaker:

Another coach or service provider launched yet another offer that you

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know will help you in your business.

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Impulsively, you purchase the offer only to immediately feel overwhelmed because

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you're on yet another payment plan.

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This time you're unable to pay yourself from your business.

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You didn't realize how this investment would impact your cash, cash.

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And it shows up in your energy, leaving you unable to even

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implement what you're learning.

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You've been investing in yourself consistently because you deserve it,

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when really you're just emotionally spending, thinking that everyone

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else knows something that you don't.

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So if you just invest this one more time, you'd actually see the results

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that you're desperate for today.

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I want to share how to cease emotional spending for good in your business.

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Stay tuned.

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This is the Harmonious Wealth Podcast, where we're breaking online business

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owners free from chasing every next revenue milestone and instead prioritizing

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lifestyle and legacy goals so you can finally have the personal wealth

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to show for your business success.

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I'm your host, Iyanna Vaughn, fractional CFO and bookkeeper here to guide you.

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Now let's start building your financial legacy.

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Hello, welcome to another episode of Harmonious Wealth.

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My name is Aiyana and we are on episode 11 and we're talking all about

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why you feel that you're investing in yourself, but what's really

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happening underneath is that you're spending based off emotions.

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So first I just want to give a quick snippet that on Friday

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June 21st of 2024 at 12 p.

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m.

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Eastern, I'll be hosting a webinar called why you know how

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to make money, but can't keep it.

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Please join at lovelyfinancials.

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com slash webinar.

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So when it comes to emotional spending You feel like you don't have a lot

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of control of how you're spending.

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You lack direction in how you're spending in your business.

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You don't know what to spend on and you don't have the confidence because

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you feel like there's never enough and there's always something to invest in.

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And then scarcity mindset starts creeping in and you feel like there's

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always some money, something coming up.

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So energetically you attract like late fees, overdrafts and the guilt times 10.

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And the root cause of this is because you lack that control now because you

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didn't have control over things that happened in your life as a child.

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So there may have been some money trauma that happened as a child

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or other trauma that happened to you as a child and it's unhealed.

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So it shows up in different ways where you feel like you have a sense of some

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control and you control it by emotionally spending on things in your business.

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And it's a response to you having like an underlying anxiety, sadness, or stress.

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And when it revolves around your money due to the unhealed trauma.

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So you think someone else knows more than you.

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You think everyone else knows something that you don't, and you

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don't feel like you can attain the success that you desire on your own.

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Well, of course you can't attain success on your own, right?

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But you don't trust yourself and what you've learned and gained and be able

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to implement it so that you can execute your actual goals for your business.

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Now, the solution to this is shifting your mindset of course, right?

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It's easier said than done, but actually shifting your mindset,

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which I'll talk about today.

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And it's also involving you to let go of responding to everyone else's urgency,

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because everyone's urgency when it comes to selling is not your urgency.

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And then actually having a spending plan, right?

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We like to say spending plan, not budget, but spending plan, right?

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So that you actually know what you should be spending in your business.

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And when you connect to that you're able to have that wealth within

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when you're able to trust yourself.

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And speaking of wealth within, I want you to join my community, an email

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series called The Wealth Within Weekly.

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I talk about how to harness the wealth within through your faith

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and understanding how to heal your relationship with money and practical

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tips to grow your profit, manage your cashflow and build personal wealth.

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You can join me at lovelyfinancials.

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com slash wealth to join the series and community.

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So the benefits of a mindset shift is reduced anxiety.

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You need to reduce anxiety, have a positive outlook of your life,

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your money, and your business.

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And of course the spending plan, right?

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With our clients, we look at the big picture.

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We help our clients create longterm legacy goals and help them accomplish

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their immediate lifestyle goals.

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And that's through asking them big questions about where do you see

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yourself upon, when you retire, what does that look like a day in a life?

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As someone who is retired, what does that mean?

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What is your greatest accomplishment?

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So I want to share with you three tips on how to change this mindset

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so that you can stop emotionally spending in your business.

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The first step in shifting your mindset around money is like identifying

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what's actually going on, right?

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To be able to shift, you have to know like, where are you

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and where you need to shift to.

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So in 2021, I'm looking at the book.

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The book is called Attachments.

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While you love, feel, and act the way you do, Unlock the Secret to Loving

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and Lasting Relationships by Dr.

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Tim Clinton and Dr.

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Gary So I read this book, funny enough, in like 2021.

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What's really interesting is that this book has a bunch of

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scripture laid in it, right?

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And what's so fascinating is at the time I believed in God However,

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I wasn't set on Jesus, but I was just open to just reading the book.

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It was like, okay, this is cool But what was so powerful was really understanding

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and identifying where I was when it comes to my attachment style and then

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as I dug further into this study of myself I was able to identify This also

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shows up in my relationship with money.

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So I'll read to you what it says about like the comparison of

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the different attachment styles.

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So we have the secure attachment style, and if we equate the secure

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attachment style, we equate this with having a sound relationship with God.

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So a secure attachment style, Instead of saying love because

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this is what we have here.

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I'm going to say money or earning money.

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the secure attachment style From the self dimension is I am worthy of money

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or earning money I am capable of getting the money And support I need Other

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dimension, which is with others, right?

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Others are willing and able to pay me.

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I'm going to say pay cause like money me, no.

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And then next is ambivalent AKA anxious attachment style from a self dimension.

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This person believes I am not worthy of earning money.

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I am not capable of getting the money I need without being angry And clingy.

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Other dimension, like with others.

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Others are capable of meeting my needs financially, but might

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not do so because of my flaws.

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Wow.

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Others are trustworthy and reliable, but might abandon me

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because of my worthlessness.

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Do you align with this?

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Let me know in the comments below.

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If you're watching on YouTube or DM me on Instagram,

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the avoidant attachment style, we know avoid, right?

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We know, we know.

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So this person believes I am worthy of earning money.

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I am capable of getting the money and support.

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I need the other dimension.

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Others are either unwilling, or incapable of being able to pay me.

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Others are not trustworthy.

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They are unreliable when it comes to meeting my needs financially,

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or let's just leave it at that.

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Disorganized attachment style from a self dimension perspective.

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I am not worthy of earning money.

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I am not capable of getting the money I need without being angry and clingy.

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Other dimension.

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others are unable to meet my needs financially.

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Others are not trustworthy or reliable.

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Others are abusive and I deserve it.

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So you can see how disheartening I felt, crestfallen even, when I found out.

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that I have or had, right?

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No longer.

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I had at the time disorganized attachment and relationships as well as money.

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Up until this point, or what I've been healing from, or what I've

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received revelation from is with a disorganized attachment style

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of someone working with money.

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What was so interesting is because of childhood wounds,

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I was able to develop a gift.

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Of compartmentalizing a gift, which really wasn't a gift of dissociation,

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so while I was helping others heal relationship with money, I dissociated

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from my own relationship at the time.

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And compartmentalize okay, this is a whole separate thing from me serving a client.

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I kept those two things separate.

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But what really is important is making sure.

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that you don't neglect yourself.

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So I don't know what the term is, but when someone is really skillful at

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helping others, a lot of times they neglect themselves of the actual thing

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that they're helping someone with.

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So for example, a doctor is helping others, but then they

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neglect their own health.

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And then it's eh, so I wanted to give you permission to identify with

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me here and relate with me and say, you know what, the thing that I.

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have a gift.

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I need to exude that gift for myself first and foremost, so that I can perform even

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better when it comes to serving others.

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So make this pact with me, pinky promise

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So now that we've identified where we are attachment style wise, now

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it's time to shift to secure, I read an article on today it talked about

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Studies show that those who struggle with behavioral health issues are

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predisposed to emotional spending,

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so those with like neurodivergence, it's like really popular in online

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business because I feel like we're just kind of coming into understanding what

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neurodivergence is, and those who have ADD or ADHD, According to this article, they

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have a lot of that shiny object syndrome.

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It's okay, one thing after the next.

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Right.

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And then those with anxiety tend to purchase emotionally to

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help alleviate their dis ease.

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And then those with depression are unfortunately susceptible

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to being convinced to invest in things, even when it's not a great

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fit because of low self esteem.

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So that's why it's very tricky when it comes to having an online business,

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because your job is to absolutely market and sell your offer, but doing

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it ethically from the perspective of me as a consumer, I need to do my own due

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diligence and making sure that I'm not purchasing from a state of feeling that

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I'm not worthy of being Of a thing until I invest, Because when you do invest and

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it's out of emotion and then you come out of the cloud of that emotional high or

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like that high that you get when you've joined a program and you realize okay,

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this wasn't really what it was cracked up to be, or you find ways to kind of

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just have animosity towards it, right?

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When you should have done your due diligence and making sure

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that it aligns with your goals.

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So my approach to this, is really understanding and helping clients

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understand that your business is a mirror of who you are today.

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It mirrors things that you haven't dealt with in life today.

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So say for instance, I'm working with a client and she's saying, there's

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no urgency and people like, buying my program or, and there's no urgency

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with my clients getting results.

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And this was an actual conversation with a client.

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Usually when I'm listening to clients, I'm like actively listening.

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before I even forget, I'm writing a note of okay, this is what you said.

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And I flip it back.

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I asked that question back.

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I'm like, okay, is there anything that you're not sure?

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Like, how are you showing up?

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in your business when you're selling, are you showing up with urgency?

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Because if you're not getting that urgency, chances are you're

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not delivering that urgency.

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And it really helped her like say, okay, you know what?

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That's why

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so side of showing the mirror or putting the mirror on a client and

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when they're experiencing something financially and Mirroring it to how

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they might be feeling emotionally.

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I'll practically tell them Okay, if you have a specific investment that you

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want to do or pursue Here is exactly how it will look on your cash flow.

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This is through the third part of our framework, which is

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highlighting the immediate gaps through a weekly cashflow forecast.

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So when a client has something to invest in, or they want to.

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Whatever they want to do, right?

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I'll ask them the question of gauging what's the why behind it.

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I'll kind of put it on the spreadsheet and then based off of what it computes

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and how it impacts cash flow cash on hand weeks later, months later,

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they can make an educated decision.

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Of course, always go to the Holy Spirit when it comes to you investing

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in things, because what it looks like today had nothing to do with what

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God said, just point blank period.

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Okay.

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What's interesting is as I've been growing my business I'm getting back into some of

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the things that I wanted to do as a child.

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So in high school going into college, I wanted to actually be a therapist.

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My family was like, psychologists don't get money, blah, blah, blah.

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But girl, these, what I'm seeing is they saying different.

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Okay.

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People have online businesses and therapy is, it's so important.

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But

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they pressured me to become a nurse.

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And I'm like, y'all trust me to be a nurse.

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First of all, y'all called me Butterfingers all my life.

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All my life y'all called me Butterfingers and now y'all want me to be a nurse?

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Absolutely not.

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So I went to healthcare management and I wanted to be a CFO at a hospital.

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All the jazz, right?

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But what's so interesting is I'm a fractional CFO to small business owners

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but it turns into a bit of life coaching or money coaching when it comes to

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helping other business owners actually heal their relationship with money.

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So it was kind of interesting to kind of see that full circle,

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but because I'm not a licensed therapist I ask these questions.

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And then also follow up with, okay, have you been going to a therapist?

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How can you kind of like essentially work on this with your therapist further?

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Because that blurs the line of, coaching and consulting with actual therapy.

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So the second thing when it comes to avoiding spending based on emotion is

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having a drem roll, a spending plan.

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Yes.

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A spending plan.

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So one thing I see is business owners spending on emotion and

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they're spending based off of vibes.

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Vibes are really important.

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Your intuition is extremely important.

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However, when you've experienced the negative impact of continuously

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investing because of that vibe, because of that emotion, there's

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something that needs to change.

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And then another thing that I see is there's a lot of you don't know what you

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should be spending your money on, but you're spending money everywhere else

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besides understanding your finances.

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And that has been another thing that I've seen with business owners,

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because there's no provision with how, The business is growing or should be

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growing, or you're spending on things where you might have an issue with

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sales, but you're spending on leads.

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I'll talk about that in another episode, but.

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Stay tuned for that.

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So my approach when it comes to having a spending plan is actually creating one.

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So first we help our clients create one and our first step of our harmonious

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wealth framework, and that's through creating a legacy plan, but then we

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also mix in your immediate lifestyle goals through creating a personal

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spending plan so that we know What you should be paying yourself.

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And we have an idea of a customized, unique to you,

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revenue goal for your business.

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So when we do this, we also look at how can we create based off of your

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legacy goals and your lifestyle goals, a three year plan for your business.

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Not one, not a quarter, but a whole three years so that you know how your

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business should be growing and growing.

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Within the next 3 years.

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I want to practice like helping you get out of the weeds of the day to day right?

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Which day to day is important, but as a CEO of your company to get out of this,

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the weeds of your business, the weeds of the day to day and look at your business

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trajectory from a bird's eye view.

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So one way you could also do a spending plan like without all the spreadsheets

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is through implementing a cash flow system similar to Profit First.

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I girly, however, an issue that I see is you don't know how, like what percentage

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You are in expenses and payroll and all those different things right now.

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So, join my email series, lovelyfinancials.

:

com slash wealth.

:

And I'll share a bit about how to understand your profit now so that

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you can kind of gauge where it is.

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So if you do want to start doing something similar to profit first,

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you're able to do so we're profit first, it's like essentially profiting

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first, it's like income or revenue minus Profit minus owner's pay minus

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taxes equals expenses It's like flipping the typical revenue minus expenses

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equals profit and then whatever the profit is Whatever it goes, right?

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So it flips it and it allocates it to Towards percentages based off of

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where you are in business and then kind of gearing you towards a healthy

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percentage of income for different Categories and bank accounts.

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So the bank accounts include your income account, your tax account, your profit

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account, your expense account And then I like to put payroll, owners pay and

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payroll like together Of course your team is an operating expense, but I feel

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like your team should be separate to me.

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So what I like to use the profit account for is like when you want to invest

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in a program so that you don't miss it in anywhere else in your business.

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So say, for example, you have a program that's coming up,

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you just want to pay for it.

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Guilt free when you build that profit account.

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So it's quite fruit ninja.

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Okay.

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In a good way and not in a bad way.

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Third way to cease spending emotionally is to stop reacting

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to everyone's sense of urgency.

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So this is, I don't know how you will take it.

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I don't know how anyone would take it, but it's like, of course we

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need to sell in our businesses.

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Of course, there are incentives that we want so that clients

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can have some type of urgency.

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It's like I want my client to do their own work and understanding that yes, there's

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a time sensitive component to this.

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However, I know that this is something that I am willing and want to invest in so

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that I can get the results that I desire.

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That's what I want my ideal client to do.

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Like I want my ideal client to not base their spending off of emotion,

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but more so based or spending off of part intuition, part knowing that it's

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the best fit and part understanding that they're going to execute.

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on that investment, no matter what, that, that would be a perfect client for me.

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And I know that's something that you want for yourself.

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However, that's not always the case.

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So when it comes to the time sensitive launches, say someone always launches

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a certain time of the year and they only take those clients during

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that year for their launch period.

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If you know this to be true, you could potentially save and

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then know, what's coming up.

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You kind of know what's coming up versus you want to get in

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as soon as it happens, right?

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And then you resent the program.

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You find an excuse to leave early because something always happened.

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Remember we talked about whenever you buy on emotion, the negative impact can mean

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that something always comes up, right?

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Something happens because when you have that unhealthy attachment

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style, you probably don't.

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I feel like you deserve what you're gonna get out of that program.

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You energetically cause something to come up personally in your life urgently

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that causes you to really have to get out of that program potentially.

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my approach to this is when I want to release everyone else's urgency.

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I lean into God because it'll be important to say, okay, God, is

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this a great fit program for me?

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Because you're aligning God's will with what you should be doing in your

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business versus everyone else's like urgency, the marketing tactics and all

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the different stuff, which is great.

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You do need that in your business, but understanding from a personal level.

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that is supposed to be aligning with you, aligning with God.

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And when it comes to me as a business owner who sells right before I even hop on

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a sales call, I'm praying for that person.

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I'm like, father, if this is someone that should be working with me, let it be.

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So if that is in your will,

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so anytime a sale does not go through, I know that it wasn't a good fit.

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Of course, I do my due diligence of following up.

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Because things do fall through the cracks, things do come up, and, when it comes to

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selling others on sales calls, if I'm not the best fit, I'll give them alternatives.

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Before just trying to make that sale, and that leans into episode six of

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being desperate for that sale, because on the business owner side, you want

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to be careful of how you energetically show up when you're selling, but then

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on the consumer side, you want to be.

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Also be cognizant of how you're showing up and doing your investments.

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And when you invest in something, you have to invest the time to execute on

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it and implement because you don't want to have a graveyard of investments.

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software, subscriptions, memberships that you've invested in, but you

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haven't been able to kind of go through.

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So when you're releasing yourself from the urgency of others, you need to know

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exactly what you need in your business.

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And.

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You can't just guess of course, there's always something that your business needs.

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However, is this something your business needs now?

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So what I've seen or what I've known, right?

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I knew when I was building my business back up, I had an issue with sales.

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I had an issue with marketing.

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I had an issue with my operations, all of those things I had

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issues with at the same time.

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However, what was I made the calculated decision or calculated risk, right?

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Because we can't guarantee anything of fixing my operations first and

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foremost to serve the community.

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The current clients I have even better.

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And then I wanted to work on sales because if I were to add leads and go on

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a bunch of sales calls and my sales skills weren't up there, girl, what's going on?

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So after I invested in operations, I invested in my sales and

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I invest in my marketing.

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And now I want to really hone into launching and building my leads.

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So all those things strategically for my business in this season, it helped me

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kind of say, okay, of course I need all the things, but to avoid overspending,

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I'm able to kind of Identify what I need next and even with that, I'm not

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immune to overspending as well but with our clients, when it comes to creating

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a profit plan, which is in step four of our harmonious wealth framework, we

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outline what will they be investing in?

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Say, for example, I had a profit planning session with the client and

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she wanted to 1, focus on growing her savings and then she also wanted to.

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Have like successful launches, but she noticed that she hit a cap on her

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launches because of her team size.

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Because of that, we made the decision to say, okay, the month or so before

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you launch getting a team member and so that you don't have a cap on how

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many people you can sell to so that you can have a successful launch.

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And then we understood how it impacted her.

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Cash on hand, her profit, right?

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And because we knew in advance what she was investing in, she was able

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to feel really comfortable, even though her launch was months down

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the line towards the end of the year.

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So when you have someone working with you on a profit plan, you're

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able to kind of join together and say, okay, these are my goals.

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How can I get there?

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Especially if I have a team, I don't want to be capped.

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And how can I strategically place team members in place?

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Not too early and definitely not too late.

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hope this was helpful.

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Just to recap, we went over first shifting your mindset.

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Then we went over second, creating a spending plan for your business.

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And then third, we wanted to introduce like a way to release everyone else's

:

urgency and understand exactly what your business need for that season.

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So I shared three ways to fix your emotional spending.

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Which one resonated with you most?

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The shifting of your mindset, having a spending plan, or releasing everyone

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else's urgency from your business?

:

Let me know in the comments below if you're watching on the YouTube version.

:

If you're ready to join a community of women of faith striving to

:

heal their relationship with money, to grow their business,

:

and grow deeper into their faith.

:

Sign up for my email series, the wealth within.

:

Each week on the wealth within I'll share tips on how to face your money.

:

Increase your profit and manage the cashflow you already have.

:

Go to lovelyfinancials.

:

com slash wealth to get started.

:

If you're a woman of faith, growing both your business and family

:

and want to release worry around money in your business to build

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personal wealth and create a legacy, Subscribe on either YouTube or

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wherever you listen to podcasts on.

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I'm on a mission to help at least 100 women reach their first 1 million in net

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worth so that they can create generational wealth and break generational patterns.

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If this aligns with you, join us on Harmonious Wealth each week.

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Hey there girlfriend, if you're ready to finally have the lifestyle

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and legacy to show for your business success, I would love for you to

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click that subscribe button on your favorite podcast app or YouTube.

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