Linda Beard, podcast host, and guest Barbara Jackson return to discuss living the "Bold Enough" life.

What do you do when you are angry?

Can you express yourself when you have been a people pleaser?

Join us and find out!

Copyright 2024 Linda Beard

Linda: Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's Linda Beard, your host and author of the upcoming book Bold enough, Everyone. We are back with part two of Living That Bold Enough Life, your new life of, uh, balance. Barbara Jackson is back. We ended last week talking about being you, authentically you, regardless of who you are speaking to. We were talking about corporate America and are you going to be who you are at your core, even when you're trying to track your way to the top? And we decided that you were created to be you. And being authentically you is what you need to do, because you were created to be you for a reason, and that's to be different. If God wanted us to be all alike, he would have created us all alike. But he created us to be different for a reason. And that's because we all have a purpose. Let's not create those layers back. Remember, uh, particularly me, I had a lot of baggage. I had a lot of layers that I had to get rid of. And for those of you who took the Bold Enough challenge and started getting rid of those layers, we know that it was a lot of work. And for those of you that are listening and are making that decision, or, uh, considering the decision to get rid of all of these layers, to be bold enough, to be you, to get to that core of who you are authentically, it's a lot of work. And if you're starting to get rid of the layers, you know how hard the work is. We do not want to go back to adding layers or beginning to add layers. Let's just not add layers. It is a lot of work. So layers is not a good thing. Be you. Be authentically you. So as we continue to talk about living this new Bold Enough life, and the reality is we are going to have to continue every single day to protect ourselves. And that means to continue to be able to express how we feel. This is another area that I have completely, really done 180 degrees on, and that's expressing how I feel. I have shared with you that part of that forgiveness journey, and it's being able to express myself, because that, uh, people pleasing phase that I went through was just trying to people, please. I never really was able to express how I felt back there. But in this new Bold Enough journey, I am expressing how I feel if I'm sad, if I'm angry. And not everyone is comfortable with those conversations when I'm expressing that I'm sad, or if I'm angry. And one of the conversations that Barbara and I have had is when you're expressing your anger or, uh, when you're expressing your sad, people on the other side that you're having these conversations with are not sure. I mean, they're uncomfortable in those conversations. They don't know what to do with those conversations, particularly if you're angry and you're trying to work through those conversations, do you let them off the hook? Do you continue to have the conversations? Do you pause? Even if you're respectful, what do you do? So, Barbara, welcome back. I know that we've been chuckling about a lot of things and lately in our conversations and my listeners, you know that, um, Barbara has taught me about the butt word and I've gone from using and yes, and I know I can use but god, but now we're talking about when I'm expressing myself when I'm angry and letting the person off the hook. Yes or no? Using discernments. So barb weigh in on communication and this new life of ah, bold enough, how do I communicate when I'm angry? Or how do the listeners in this bold enough life communicate when they're angry? And do we let people off the hook? Do we pause? Let's talk about that a little bit.

Barbara: Uh, thanks for having me back. It depends on the, uh, situation and because it could be someone that you have let off the hook, you're an enabling and they may not need to be in that comfort zone any longer. And agape love is looking out for the other person's best interest and so they may need to be in that uncomfortable zone because they need to grow. And you always do it in love anyway, mhm? You're not sandblasting them, of course, but do it in love. Plant the seed, let them be watered. And then let the creator do the convicting and the forming in them or reforming, helping them take off a layer or maybe even helping them to grow, mhm? Um, I just had a situation happen where, um, in a meeting I stepped quiet the whole time because I really didn't have anything to say to all the other topics, but maybe for about a minute. And then at the end of the meeting I had something to say and one person cut me off. Well, the old me would have been like, okay, let me just be invisible and put on my invisible quote. But, um, because I have walked through so much grief and have fought for my own voice, my theological voice and everything, then I said, no, I have something to say. And probably four or five words in, someone else said, oh, but and then they went to talking and cut me off. So the first person, um, they didn't intend to do it. But in other words, sometimes in these conversations there can be a dismissal and or a, um, diminish what is happening?

Linda: Mhm?

Barbara: And I've been told the second person let, um, me finish. And then I proceeded to say what I was saying and they still can try to convince me of something other. And let's just make a long story short then, you know, I understand that that person was crying. It was a topic that really didn't have anything to do with them, but they were just so busy trying to get me to not talk or to say something so that they could either remain in their comfort zone and so could other people. And I'm thinking, well, because they were crying, should I go back and say I'm sorry? Should I apologize in a way that says, well, I'm sorry, you misunderstood. What I was saying was this and then leave it? Or should I just maybe let them stay and embrace the uncomfortable zone that they're in? Because I believe there's something that they're supposed to learn from what they did, which was cut me off or, um, they were in an uncomfortable zone and they wanted to get out of that and they might just need to sit there for a while.

Linda: Wow, that's a very good point. Because when I think about my bold enough journey and in fact, as I share with the listeners, if you can recall early on, as I explained the people pleasing and not loving myself first, not expressing how I felt, one of the very key things was that other people were placed before myself. And so now I can not feel guilty about someone feeling just like Barb said, if they're feeling bad about their situation, like if I did the right thing and they're feeling bad at the end of the day because they're, um, in the wrong or, you know, I did the right thing and they're feeling some sort of way, it's okay, it's okay. Now as long as I did the right thing. Does that make sense? Right, Barb?

Barbara: Yeah. Yes. How many of you had the, uh, conversations with someone where something, um, has happened?

Linda: Mhm.

Barbara: And uh, just quickly, someone I work for had the intentions of having me do something that they tried to deceive me into doing later. Knowing the integrity that I had, I wasn't going to do it. So they offered me the job and then later on down the line said, hey, this is what you'll be doing. And me going in and saying, no, I'm not going to be doing that. Well, finding out that that was their intentions from the beginning, what do I do? I go prepare myself in the next week for another job. And then they come back and say, well, you're not able to do this, so we're going to let you go. And then I say, well, you know, I already have something else lined up anyway. And they respond, I know so many of you probably heard this statement before. Oh good, now I feel better. Now you feel better. So I'm uh, a meditator and I think deep and I'm saying, huh, well I'm glad you feel better. I'm glad you're in your comfort zone. What about how I feel? If you have a God they love and you're looking out for the best interest of the other person, you're really not showing me that you're looking out for how I feel. You don't care. What you're saying is good. I feel better. Mhm, I just stabbed you in the back. I feel better, right?

Linda: Yeah.

Barbara: Thank you.

Linda: Thank you for sharing that with the listeners. Because this is really the reality of living this bold enough life. It's loving yourself and understanding at the same time the whole integrity piece and making sure that it is okay walking in that integrity and understanding that the other person may not be feeling good at the end of that interaction. Right? Am I right, Barb?

Barbara: In some cases, yeah.

Linda: Because they have to, at the end of the day, be responsible for their actions. You're responsible for your actions. And it's interesting that over the past few weeks, um, in my bold enough journey, in fact, listeners, it's almost like when you decide to be bold enough, and I constantly keep saying is that it's a fight almost constantly to protect your authentic self, who you are at the core. And it's almost like this bold enough journey is an attacked on integrity. Because for me, integrity is hugely who I am at my core. I am a high integrity person. That's who I am at my core. And so when I am saying take the necessary actions to fight to be who you are authentically, for me, it's integrity to integrity is who I am at my core. And so constantly, every day, I am fighting to be who I am at my core. And integrity is who I am at my core. So lately, it just seems like I am getting hit constantly at my core, which is integrity. And it's been a battle, because integrity is not gray. Integrity is black and white. It either is right or it's wrong. Let that settle in for a minute. And so that's a battle. And it's integrity hits whether you're in the workplace, whether you're interacting with friends, family, wherever you go, your integrity is something that you have to deal with on a daily basis. So I just wanted to come to you and say, when you're walking this new life of, um, boldness and you're protecting the core of who you are and being authentically, who you are, those are characteristics of who you are and the beliefs of who you are. So whoever that core of who you are, what you believe, the characteristics of who you are. So as you're learning more about me, it's my faith. What comes along with my faith is my integrity. And when you think about faith, and when you think about integrity, when you think about what's important to you, your family, your friends, and then when I'm saying take those necessary actions to be authentically, you and when you're thinking about protecting what's important, and then I'm, um speaking of balanced life and then being bold enough, it's a tall order. It's a very tall order. And so that is the reason why I'm staying close to Barbara because I need a support system along with my faith in God. God first family, right? Friends. Because you have to have a support system to be able to walk this bold enough life, stay true to the core of who you authentically are. I wanted to pause because I want you to be realistic as we walk this bold enough journey together. Because it is taking those necessary actions at the right time to be bold enough to have this balanced life of freedom, of peace and joy. You can do it. But I always want to be realistic about this best life because it is work. But I have no doubt that it's all worth it. So thank you again for allowing me to come into your world. Continue to be bold enough and I will see you again next week. And have a great week. Be bold enough.