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5: Unlocking Emotional Intimacy with Sam Gibbs Morris
Episode 5 • 28th June 2024 • I Come First! • Amie Barsky
00:00:00 00:42:26

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In this episode of the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky welcomes special guest Sam Gibbs Morris, a Leader in Self-development, Psychedelics, and Breathwork. Together, they explore the dynamics of creating safe and trusting environments in romantic relationships. Sam shares his personal journey of overcoming pain, addiction, and self-discovery, emphasizing the importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies both internally and externally. The conversation delves into the collective wounds of men and women, the significance of vulnerability, and practical tools for fostering deeper connections. Listeners will gain insights into breathwork, heart-opening practices, and the importance of maintaining open communication in relationships.

What We Explored This Episode

00:06:17: Sam's Journey and Relationship with Masculine and Feminine Energies

00:09:25: The Importance of Masculine Holding the Feminine

00:15:10: The Importance of Feminine Holding the Masculine

00:19:48: Encouraging Vulnerability in Men

00:25:54: Communication and Addressing Issues in Relationships

00:31:03: Unexpected Challenges in Conscious Relationships

00:34:46: Embodiment Practices for Connection

00:37:15: Sam's Morning Routine and Personal Practices

00:38:26: Supporting Each Other's Nervous Systems in Relationships

Memorable Quotes

"It's so important to cultivate acceptance and self-love along the journey, even if it doesn't look like what society or our parents think it should."
"One of the things that we get to be aware of is our core wounds when we come into relationships. A lot of times, those wounds become weapons. We weaponize an abandonment wound or a rejection wound, and it falls into gaslighting or making the other person feel less than for having their experience."
"The work is just beginning. You can do a ton of work by yourself, but the next level of work is when you meet someone and get into a relationship. The relationship will be the ceremony, and your willingness to stay in that discomfort through it is the basis of what conscious means in a conscious relationship."

Resources Mentioned

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma - A book that explores the nature of trauma and how it affects the body and mind.

Connect With Sam

Sam’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/samgibbsmorris/

Sam’s Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/samgibbsmorris369

Connect With Amie

Download My Free Breathwork Practice

https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amie-barsky/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amiebarskycoaching/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmieBarsky?sub_confirmation=1

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Podcast Production & Marketing by FullCast

Transcripts

Sam Morris

0:00 - 0:28

The own pain that I had carried or I had picked up and carried from previous lifetimes and this lifetime of bullying, of rejection, of feeling so different than all my peers, it led me down some, you know, some very destructive paths. And so as I've come out of that for the past ten or eleven years, it's been a real massive recalibration for my own relationship with myself in masculine and feminine internally, and also my relationship with the feminine externally.

Amie Barsky

0:35 - 3:20

Hello, hello and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script and I'm going to show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where ill share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures to be perfect. These juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if youre ready, then buckle up. Its time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. Welcome back to the I come first podcast. It's your host Amy Barsky here, and boy, do I have a treat for you today. Special guest Sam Gibbs Morris is here with us to shed some insight on the dynamics of what it means to cultivate a safe space when it comes to romantic relationships. Today we're diving into not only asking for what you need, but how to build a safe and trusting environment so that both of you can let your guard down, open up your heart, share freely, and ultimately have deeper connections with each other. Now, isn't that what we really all want in the end? I'm a full yes to that, so sign me up. Sam is a leader at the crossroads of self development, work, psychedelics, go Gic. Leadership and spirituality. From professional tennis player to the founder of Transcend, breathwork and master life in consciousness, coach Sam's journey is extremely inspiring. Let's welcome Sam to the show. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement. All right, all right. Welcome to the I come first podcast. Today I have an incredible guest. His name is Sam Morris, and he is not only a dear friend, a colleague, and an amazing medicine man. Overall, just an epic human in how he serves the world. So today we're diving into this conversation, and now you might be thinking you know, this is a podcast for women. Why is there a male expert on today? Amy? Well, it is so important that we understand how we get to nurture ourselves and the men in our lives and our relationships, even romantic and otherwise. And so this is the game we're playing today. So please welcome Sam into the space. It's so important that we all be able to fill up our own cups, both men and women. And today we're going to talk about all of that. So, Sam, welcome in. Thanks for being here. Yeah, go ahead.

Sam Morris

3:20 - 3:23

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Such a pleasure to be here.

Amie Barsky

3:23 - 3:56

Yeah, I'm really excited for this conversation because, honestly, like, this is something I've been navigating. So I'm going to be as fully transparent as I can around my own journey with my relationship to the masculine, specifically romantic. And if we want to go down the father wound, we can. You know, I'm here to be of service and use my own journey as a roadmap to support others. And so let's see. Let's give us a little bit about who you are, just in a nutshell, and your journey, how you got to where you are.

Sam Morris

3:57 - 4:38

Yeah, so how I got to where I am. So, as you're talking about the calibration of the relationships to the masculine and the feminine, I feel like it's a human experience that it gets a little wonky throughout our lives. I mean, we. Coming up, we grow up, and it's, you know, the teenage years where there's, like, faced with rejection all the time, like at the dance or asking a girl of the movies or asking a guy. And so it's so important, I think, that we, as we get older and we become more conscious and awake and aware that we really look at how those interactions have kind of shaped our journey and shaped our lives and how. And what we desire going forward. We lose. It's so easy to get lost in what society tells us should happen or what the parents think should happen.

Amie Barsky

4:38 - 4:41

Yes. I raise my hand to all of those things.

Sam Morris

4:41 - 4:44

Married with two kids in a big event by 30.

Amie Barsky

4:44 - 4:45

Check the box. Check the box.

Sam Morris

4:45 - 6:17

Yeah. Very rarely does it look like that, if ever. I don't know if I've ever seen anybody that looks exactly like that. So it's so important to cultivate acceptance and love, self love and compassion for ourselves along the journey that maybe it doesn't look like that. And we get. And it gets to look however it looks, and trust in the divine timing of all things. And so that's been a huge part of my journey. It has not looked the way I thought parents thought anybody thought it was going to look. And it's also been so, so beautiful. And walking through all the things that I've had to walk through from, you know, starting off with this is part of the reason why I'm a breath work facilitator is starting off with a really, really rough relationship with breath, you know, severe asthma, severe food allergies, and learning that kind of how to work through that and how to live with that. And then later in life, it was a long period of addiction where it was a lot of, you know, the relationship to alcohol, the relationship to myself, my relay. And what was underneath all that was a really distorted relationship with my own pain, the own pain that I had carried, I had picked up and carried from previous lifetimes. And this lifetime of bullying, of rejection, of feeling so different than all my peers. It led me down some, you know, some very destructive paths. And so as I've come out of that for, you know, the past ten or eleven years, it's been a real massive recalibration for my own relationship with myself in masculine and feminine internally, and also my relationship with the feminine externally, you know, and we all, we all want relationships. It's part of the human condition is that.

Amie Barsky

6:17 - 6:20

That's one of the things we're here to relate, right?

Sam Morris

6:20 - 6:51

We're here to relate. We're here to have fun and, yeah, be held by each other. And so a lot of times, you know, we can't fully be held or witnessed in our fullness if we have things inside of us that like shame. For me, it was shame, guilt, insecurities, a lot of that stuff. And I had to work through a lot of that, through, you know, addiction and therapy and plant medicines and all these things, these modalities to really cultivate a clarity about who I am so that I can show up in the world authentically and then be loved for that.

Amie Barsky

6:51 - 8:44

First off, thank you for sharing all of that. I mean, I just feel your heart when you're talking about the obstacles you've moved through in life to get you to where you are today. And of course, always expanding and growing and learning. And I really want to emphasize that we are taught as a society to look outside ourselves for all the things that we desire. Love, belonging, validation, appreciation, attention, affection. We are taught, we are programmed. So imagine, I don't know about you, practiced for decades of my life, these things to seek outside myself. And so here I am on my journey of self love and putting my own self first. Hence the title of this podcast called I come first because for the first time in my life, over the past, you know, even still a practice, but something I've been practicing for at least the past five to six years in my own healing journey of going, can I give this to myself? Can I stop looking outside myself for these things, this idea, this expectation? And we're also taught, or I was taught, I'll speak for myself, to seek that specifically in men in romantic relationships, that they should be able to hold x, y, z. I was under the assumption that wasn't something I was actually taught. Let me rephrase that. I was under the assumption that if I said something really hard or heavy or vulnerable, that the partner in my life at the time would be able to hold it. And I'm learning that is not always the case. And prefacing that not always the case doesn't mean they're wrong or bad. It just means my expectation didn't get met. And therefore, there's another layer of healing to do. And so can we dive in real quick around? I don't know if it'd be real quick, but the importance. Let's go into first the importance of a masculine learning to help, learning how to hold the feminine.

Sam Morris

8:44 - 8:45

Yeah.

Amie Barsky

8:45 - 8:56

And let's preface this conversation for a second, because I am specifically talking about heterosexual relationships. However, I think this is across the board. This is across the board. So I want to preface that. Okay, go ahead.

Sam Morris

8:57 - 9:25

Yeah, I love that you preface that. Cause it does fall into that. The heterosexual man, woman, and. But it really does. The concept applies to all of it. So the. One of the things that we get to be aware of is our core wounds when we come into relationships. And a lot of times what happens in a relationship that people aren't conscious or haven't done the work is that those wounds become weapons. You know, we weaponize an abandonment wound. We weaponize a rejection wound. And so when it comes to the.

Amie Barsky

9:25 - 9:31

Masculine holding the feminine, can you define weaponized? Because some people might not get what that means.

Sam Morris

-:

It falls into gaslighting. It falls into, you know, oh, this is just. You're just feeling rejected because your dad rejected you. And not acknowledging that this is the experience that the person's having and actually holding them in that wound, not trying to push it away, not trying to make them feel less than for having it. It's a matter of allowing that wound to be present. And because, you know, like, we make up that we supposed to be healed, completely healed, to get in a relationship and that no wounds are ever going to come up and it's going to be all roses. Right? And so then, but really, we can do a ton of work by ourselves. And the next level of work is when we meet someone and we get into a relationship, especially a conscious relationship, how well are we going to navigate our wounds together to get that next level of healing to be witnessed in it, to get the stuff done that we couldn't do on our own in the relationship? Because the relationship will be the ceremony.

Amie Barsky

-:

Yes.

Sam Morris

-:

And so if we talk about there's two collective wounds, that there's a collective wound that the feminine carries and a collective wound that the masculine carries, and the collective wound that the feminine carries is I am too much. I am too, you know, I am too witchy. I'm too sexy, I'm too emotional, I'm too chaotic, I'm too flowy. Like, women have been told this for decades and centuries. And so it's a collective wound that gets passed down and, you know, oh, don't dress like that or don't show emotion. It's too much. And so when the masculine, as the masculine, does his own work to create capacity to hold himself for one and starts there, and then how well does the masculine hold that capacity of. Because the woman, her too much is her feminine essence, her wild, her dark, her expressive, her sensual. All that femininity is her, you know, basic. It's like a. It's natural for her, and it's expressive for her. And when she can express that and be in that, when she feels free and safe and trusting, but when the masculine starts to feel and express, though, you're being too much, like, I can't hold that.

Amie Barsky

-:

Too intense was my. I'm too. Amy, you're too intense.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. And so. And then what do you do?

Amie Barsky

-:

You shut down self judgment. Let me try and be something else. Then if I'm too much of that, let me put on a mask and pretend to be something I'm not.

Sam Morris

-:

Right. Exactly. And so to fit in, to be liked, to be loved for approval, like all the things that you know are supposed to happen in relationship, it's. There's a self abandonment in there of, like, I'm gonna self abandon my actual needs, my actual full expression, so that I can get love and I can be in this, and I'll meet you where you are so that you can be who I want you to be so that I can trust you in reality, the masculine needs to learn the capacity to hold the full feminine expression and that to the masculine can oftentimes, if you haven't done any work, feel extremely uncomfortable and chaotic.

Amie Barsky

-:

Scary, I bet.

Sam Morris

-:

Scary, yeah. And so this also triggers the masculine wound, which is, I am not good enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm not provider enough.

Amie Barsky

-:

And so I feel like you're talking about every relationship. I'm like, oh, yeah, that partnership, that marriage, that partnership. Yep. Wow.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. So then the man. So now the woman is feeling like she's too much and she's feeling rejected, and now the masculine is feeling like, oh, I'm not enough. And I feel shameful that I can't provide for this woman. And now they're, now it's the inner. The two kids are dating each other. The inner children are dating each other, or the inner teen. It really is, I think, the inner teenagers. Everyone puts all this effort and attention on the children, but I feel like the most when we start to relate to each other is in our teenage years, and that's when a lot of these patterns of rejection, then all that come up.

Amie Barsky

-:

I love that you prefaced or really emphasized on the teenage years. And I also want to add, because I do find a lot of value in our child work and all of that, because we're learning from our parents, and that's why it shows up in the teenage years. Would it be fair to say that, you think?

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, we're in that, like, sponge state from, like, zero to eight years old, where we're, you know, picking up on nervous system, mirror neurons and all this stuff. And then we go out in the world and we start to act on those things that we have learned.

Amie Barsky

-:

Right. This is what I know. So this is what I do.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. This is what I saw. This is what I felt. And so we try to recreate those feelings, and it can lead to a lot of. A lot of dysfunction in relationships, so. And also that they're, you know, like, it's hard to be a teenager. You're finally, like, you're first coming into, like, oh, my God, there's a world.

Amie Barsky

-:

Out here, and there's hormones.

Sam Morris

-:

There's hormones. And I have this, like, desire, and then I get rejected and, oh, my God, my life is over. I'm, you know, love sucks and all this stuff.

Amie Barsky

-:

And so he held my hand. What does that mean?

Sam Morris

-:

Right? And then I saw him hold my best friend's hand. Oh, no. Like, it's all over. Like, fuck her and all this. So we care. Like, we. And we don't really recognize it's such a real time calibration that it's hard to, you know, step back and see what's happening. Especially because as a teenager, you don't have the language, you don't have the. You don't really. All you're doing is trying to find your way. And as we get older, then we look back and like, oh, that comes from when I was 14 years old and the girl said no to me to go to the dance. And now I carry this like, I turned into a nice guy because of it, because all I wanted was approval and affection.

Amie Barsky

-:

Amazing. Yeah, I love that.

Sam Morris

-:

So when it comes to the masculine holding the feminine, it really is the capacity to regulate ourselves and understand that the more capacity that we have, the more steadiness and more grounded we can be. That creates the structure of the container relationship, and that allows the feminine to be her flowy, expressive, sultry, dark, wild self.

Amie Barsky

-:

I love that. I love that so much. And so we are going to flip the coin over and ask, what or why is it so important that the feminine be able to learn and hold.

Sam Morris

-:

The masculine so the masculine, how can.

Amie Barsky

-:

We say all of this in ten minutes? A lifetime of unpacking.

Sam Morris

-:

Exactly. This is a little bit of an extreme way to say this, and it's a little bit of a generalization of the experience. A lot of the masculine feel like it's a thankless existence. Right. There's not a lot out there, as far as, you know, getting support. It's a lot. There's so much of do it on your own, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, throw some dirt on and stuff your feelings, all this. And so that is the. That goes against nature. And so a lot of men are exhausted, and a lot of men don't have a place to go. Unless they have a really solid men's group and really solid brothers, they don't have places to go to fall apart. And so there's a concept out there that I heard a few years ago from a friend of mine, and it said that women would rather see a man shot off his horse than see a man fall off his horse. And so. Yeah, and men, the same thing. Like, a man would much rather get shot off his horse than fall off his horse, like looking stupid versus looking chivalrous. And so why it's important for the woman to do her work, to increase her capacity, is that there has to be room in the relationship for the man to feel like he can fall apart and be seen in what he sees as less than, you know, what used to be shameful for him and to have a place for the man to go where he can fall apart and be witnessed and held and be human. Be human? Yeah, basically. And not be judged and not be looked at as not be threatened with leaving or any of that is so important because there's really not nowhere else in the world that a man can really go do that. And so if it's not present in his relationship, then he's going to come into the relationship with armor on, trying to portray some sort of image.

Amie Barsky

-:

Correct.

Sam Morris

-:

That is not sustainable.

Amie Barsky

-:

Right, men. And I'll speak from my own upbringing. Like my father, he was the provider. I mean, my mom provided as well. Overall, umbrella statement. Men are expected to provide, provide financially, provide materialistically. For the most part, in my upbringing, it was less expected for my dad to provide emotional support. However, some of those other things, I think, hold a lot of pressure on men's shoulders. That I have to have a certain level of income and a certain status in material things. And that's a lot. And it's a lot to carry a big expectation of what society has said. This is what you're supposed to do, men, and then be able to manage your emotions and manage your personal care. And so it totally makes sense now that I've learned a lot about myself and relationships, that of course the men want a safe place, which I would want. I want my partner to turn to me and say, I feel scared x, y and z is happening. I'm worried I'm going to lose my job. I'm worried about whatever the thing is. Like, I want that open space to say all of me is welcomed here because I also want that for myself. And I didn't get that. That was probably one of my missing links for most of my life when it comes to particularly romantic relationships.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, it's so huge. Like, it gets so understated when you experience things like that, when it's not there. The experience of that space not being there is so awful. Because what you learn is like, in my past relationships, like, I've come, like, been willing to like, have a bad day and the partner will be like, it'll either like, turn into about her or it'll turn into about, like some sort of, like, I'll feel anger or I'll feel like, distrust. And so what? Over time, what happens is, okay, I just stopped having bad days or stop.

Amie Barsky

-:

Sharing that you had a bad day. And then the disconnect happens in the.

Sam Morris

-:

Relationship, do it in private, isolate. And then she's like, well, why aren't we connected? Why aren't we being intimate?

Amie Barsky

-:

That's what I want to get into. Because I want to know how to welcome men into being more vulnerable, being more open, being more available emotionally, because I think that's what I crave most in my romantic relationships. I want. I want to feel connected. I want to feel emotional intimacy, not just physical intimacy. And so share with women from your point of view, how do we do that? Give us the magic pill.

Sam Morris

-:

Oh, I wish there was one.

Amie Barsky

-:

Don't we all?

Sam Morris

-:

Honestly, the magic pill is it's inner work, really, because you have to. Like how? Well, because what the woman wants to feel is our heart above all else. Like, once they feel our heart, then the quote unquote bad days or the anger or the disconnect is palatable. It's digestible. Because they know the essence underneath that is that this man is trying. This man is putting forth the effort. This man is coming to me with something, or he. They see beyond. Men think that we catastrophize everything. Like, we go, right.

Amie Barsky

-:

We do, too. Hold on. Women do, too. I just want to preface that.

Sam Morris

-:

None of this conversation is exclusive, really. It happens for both. And what we make up is that if we open up and don't get met with met there compassion, that it's like compassion that we are now seen as less than and we feel less than a lot of times, like, we have so much programming that says we are less than if we show emotion, it's the. We're not the provider anymore. We're not the protector. The protector can't show any emotion, can't show any weakness. And these are all stories. And so one thing to do is heart opening meditations or heart opening practices, physical, emotional stuff like that, because the women are so tapped in to energetics, like, it's wild, and a lot of men are, too, but women will immediately feel like that, closing off of the heart. And so, as men, like, one thing we can do is really, really practice. Just, you know, those moments when we can feel ourselves close. If you're a man, if you're talking to a man and he's like, well, I don't know when I close. No, you do. You just. You may just not have the language to make it make sense to you, but we feel it, like, literally those physical symptoms of, like, a collapsing. And then there's the emotional, the glazed over, the disconnect, that kind of thing. So the thing about the vulnerability is how well can we remain open in a moment that wants us to close. And so if we can remain open through those moments, that's what the woman can feel. That's when it doesn't feel like, you know, a mothering situation coming in or something like that. The woman knows that it's. The man is remaining open. He's in pain or he's struggling or scared, but his heart is remaining open. That's the shift when that is felt, that the things work out.

Amie Barsky

-:

How do we know if their heart is open? What's there? What happens energetically?

Sam Morris

-:

What happens energetically when the heart is open?

Amie Barsky

-:

So because they're not going to say, hey, babe, my heart's open. You know what I mean? Like, so how would a woman intuitively go, oh, he's moving through some stuff and his heart's open.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. So posture is a big one.

Amie Barsky

-:

Okay.

Sam Morris

-:

Perfect posture, eye contact, willingness. If a man. One thing that. One of the ways that gets lost in the quote unquote masculine leadership is that a lot of men will wait until the woman says, what's going on? What are you doing? Like, what's up with you? Whereas if the man can, like, lead with, like, hey, babe, I noticed when I left this morning that there was some funky energy. I was carrying some funky energy. I'd like to acknowledge it. This is what was happening, and I'm happy to talk about your experience about it later on. So when the man can kind of call himself forward in that closed energy, that's when the woman knows, okay. He's at least in touch with his heart.

Amie Barsky

-:

Okay? So playing the opposite of that. If a woman notices that her man, her partner is doing such collapsing in the body, how can she lovingly invite a conversation without shaming or, you know, mommying or pointing the finger? What could that look like? This is like, I'm getting my own therapy session here, y'all.

Sam Morris

-:

You should talk to Michelle about this. She's great at it. So it's a welcoming. It's. There's some sort of energetic. Knowing that, like, that it's, the man's not in trouble, that you still. That you're not going anywhere. Like, it really comes down to, like, are you leaving me or not?

Amie Barsky

-:

Right. Can you give us a live example from your own relationship, since Michelle is his partner? For those who are listening. So is there, if you're willing to share, of course. I don't want to respect privacy.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, I appreciate that and absolutely open to sharing. So I'll give you, like, a cute examples. But here's a general thing, is that it's she will invite in her own experience of it first. And so that way, it's not necessarily about me. And I know enough that, like, I know when this comes up, like, there's something that I'm like, I already know going in. But if she beats me to it, if she comes, if she experiences it more intensely first, it's a welcoming in of, like, hey, something I noticed some energy shift. This is my experience of it. And that gives the permission slip. That's the opening to say, okay, it's safe for me to express now what I was experiencing, because a lot of times, the woman that's. This goes back to the wound is that, like, when the woman brings these things up, their programming says, I'm being crazy. I'm being crazy right now. And so, again, this is, like, the feedback loop here is that when the man has the energetic, open heart, that means that the woman feels welcome without feeling like she's crazy to say, hey, I was experiencing something earlier. I would love to hear what you were experiencing, too. And if it feels big enough, there's always the, I want you to know I'm not going anywhere. Like, I'm here for this. Like, that statement alone. Like, just. Even if it's been months or years and, you know, they're not going anywhere. Just hearing that, like, hey, I'm not going anywhere. Because, again, like, it's so easy to go from, like, oh, this is going to wreck us. This is going to ruin us. And so there's a lot of times, like, we'll be driving in the car, and I'll just, like, get up in my head and she'll say something to pull me out of it. She'll just, like, mention, like, hey, I felt an experience here. I felt something come through. What are you experiencing right now? And so that way, it's not like you're what is going on over there. Like, it's not an attack on me. It's more of a shared experience of the energetics.

Amie Barsky

-:

And, gosh, so much is happening in my mind right now that I want to speak into. However, I want to respect both our time, and I want to share this. So, as a child, I was often asked, well, one, I was a very sensitive child. I was intense and sensitive, emotional, vulnerable, all the things all the time. And often I would get asked, Amy, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you now? Why are you crying now? And so I learned simply through the language of the word wrong that something must be wrong with me right and so I was in partnership, and he would say, what's wrong with you? Like, in a very inquisitive, like, curious way, but the word wrong, I would be like, I feel the bubbling up of the stuff. So it was a beautiful opportunity for me to do another layer of my own healing to go, he does not have any ill, and he doesn't have any mal intent here to, like, get at me or dig at me or whatever. And I got to lovingly set the boundary of, hey, this is a word that actually doesn't resonate for me. Can we try something else? And luckily, you know, that did work out, and it was beautiful. But it is fascinating how, you know, women can have that intuitive hit and then judge it. And that's probably what I did most of my life. And then I also drove most of my life in the masculine energy of go do be into that, like, like, product productivity cycle. And so it was really challenging as I started to accept, because we all have the intuitive connection, I started to accept that knock on the door was my actual truth of what needed to be held or seen or heard or expressed. And the more that I created the safety within myself to say, I get to express this, I get to be my own safe masculine, while my feminine expresses. And because that intertwined connection within creates the safety to go, I've got my own back, and I'm not self abandoning anymore. And therefore I get to express it in my relationships as well and feel, okay, whatever. However it comes out in regards to how the other person views it, that's always going to be their perception. And I can't change that, you know? And obviously now we can dive into, if you want to, what's something that we don't anticipate when it comes to conscious relationships.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, yeah. Yes. And one last thing on that. Like, within those conversations, when something comes up, it really is the energy, a lot of it is the energy you bring, like, that energy that you just talked about where it was. I've done this work on myself, and I'm aware of something going on inside of me. And I'm not asking you to fix it or pull it out of me or save me. I'm simply bringing it to you to share where I'm at so that we can be more connected to each other. That's a whole different thing than the save me or fix me energy, right?

Amie Barsky

-:

Which I was in most of my life because that's what I expected of my relationships. You're supposed to save me. You're supposed to fill in the blank.

Sam Morris

-:

So, yeah, as soon as I heard I love you, it was your job to save me now.

Amie Barsky

-:

Man, oh, man.

Sam Morris

-:

So what's unexpected in conscious relationships?

Amie Barsky

-:

I'm like a little kid in the candy store.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, I know. There is. The work is just beginning. I'd say it's a really, like, simple way to put it. There is work to do outside of the relationship. And we've been talking about it, like, get yourself ready. Get yourself really, really okay with yourself. Meet yourself in your depths. Full acceptance, full gnosis. Knowing of your pain, of your depths, of your shadows, of all that stuff, because, no. And knowing those aren't going anywhere, but the how you can hold them going forward is the most massive asset you can have on your side going into a conscious relationship. Because those things that you thought you worked on great, they are going to come rushing back and the tendency would be to, oh, crap, I didn't do enough work. I'm not ready for this. In reality, it's just, it's a recalibration of. It's actually more, it's more like, like a sport. Like practice. You're practicing and like, if you have problems, like basketball, if you have problems dribbling the basketball and you practice, practice, practice, and you get in a game and there's another person in front of you now trying to steal the ball, your dribbling skills are gonna feel a little bit weird. Same as in relationships. If you've done all this work on love, on nervous system work on all this stuff, energy regulation, and you're getting a relationship, there's another person now that's going to say, how much work have you done? Not literally, but energetic. Energetically. It's going to be like, okay, let's put this work to the test. And a lot of times, like, people can make up that. It's like, oh, I wasn't ready, or it's too much work, or, this is not the right person because she makes me feel this type of way. In reality, this person is in front of you as the invitation to your next evolution. There's no one else on the planet that could be in that position. You can't do it on your own. You could leave that relationship and go do more work. You're going to get another relationship. And it's the same experience. Like, your willingness to stay in that discomfort through it is the, it's the basis of what conscious means in a conscious relationship.

Amie Barsky

-:

I love that because, self included, I'm pointing the finger right at myself. I did for a while have the idea of, well, if I'm in a conscious relationship, it's going to be easy. It's going to be just, you know, love and butterflies and unicorns and rainbows all the time. Because we're both conscious.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. No, wrong answer.

Amie Barsky

-:

And it doesn't mean to say there isn't a level of more ease to it because I feel that it's an opportunity to then use the skills and the knowing and the information and the work you've done on yourself to then, like you mentioned to say, I can hold more now. I can witness more now. I can have more empathy, more compassion, not only for myself, but for the partner that is before me and see them in a light of pure love and pure willingness. Because if they're showing up in that way and there's, you know, maybe the judgment or the pointing of the finger or the shaming or whatever, then there's, you know, it's really powerful to then sit with it. And I think sometimes that's the discomfort, is I have to sit with this in order to go through it. The being with it is the path to the other side.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, it's so true. And I mean, there's things that communication helps, like having communication skills, having nonviolent communication, doing relationship check ins. I talk a lot about this, too, is that imagine your relationship is like a toddler. So we talk about how, like, kids are so brilliant because nothing sticks in the nervous system. Something upsets them, they're going to express it, and there'll be three minutes of a tantrum and they're going to be done. Yeah. Looking. Looking for the next toy, whatever it else it is in your relationship. In my relationship and in relationships I see work, nothing sticks. Like, there's no, like, a lot of people in resentment. Resentment. Like, people will be building an evidence case all the time. Like collecting evidence to say, to use against them in a future date. Like, stop collecting evidence. If something comes up, like express it, like talk about it, like, within 24 hours, don't let it go longer than that. Like, while it's still actually alive for you because you know what? It will fall away and it'll get less intense. But the value in it is saying, oh, this is really intense for me right now. Like, I would love to have a conversation about this.

Amie Barsky

-:

If you do not bring it sooner than later, let's say it's probably going to get stored and then it's going to come up and probably come up more in a volcanic expression versus, hey, can we talk about this thing? It's going to come up because it's been held in the department of, I don't know, resentment or what have yous. And so, hell yeah. To that. Like, the conversations get to be had. And I feel that most humans will say something like, I don't have time. We don't have time. Especially when it's a couple that maybe has children or maybe they run businesses or things like that. There are other things that come before it. And again, we're coming back to the title of this podcast. I come first because when we fill up our own cups and we take care of our own business, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, then we're giving from an overflow, we're giving from the excess. We're giving from a fountain of continuous expression of availability of what's available.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah. Capacity. All of it.

Amie Barsky

-:

Capacity. I love it. I love it. So, as we start to wrap up this conversation, gosh, there's so much here that we could just keep going down the rabbit holes. What is a good embodiment practice that you feel for both men and women? Because, you know, maybe there's someone here that's in partnership and wants to have a practice they can bring home. Or, or again, even if you're single, do it with yourself. What is that from? Between connecting the head and the heart?

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, it's breath work. It's. That's probably the number one. You know, there's other things, like you can go qigong and like, you know, like the tapping on the body and stuff like that to really, like, it's so crazy because really the head does not know the body exists. The more I learn, like, especially reading, waking the tiger, like, the more like, it's almost like the head's like, oh, there's a body down there. What? I didn't know that. What's going on? What is that down there? Like, and so the more that we can just, like, mindfully tap into what it feels like in our body. So tapping, like here, like, really, like, intentional breath work. Not just breathing deep, like, we do that all the time. That's a fight or flight response, really, but breathing deep into the diaphragm, into the solar plexus, into the, you know, the chest area, and then back down. So really conscious construct, like, structured breathing is really the best embodiment practice that we have. Brings everything down. It connects everything. It takes the mind offline for a second, and then when it reconnects, the body's there. You feel the tangles in your body. And in partnership, there's great things like sitting indian style with knees, touching, eye gazing, looking and breathing together, like co regulating and getting in the same breathing pattern. These things are ways that partners can do. Embodiment practices. There's, I mean, cuddling, caressing, touch, sensual touch. Like, all these things are great acknowledgments of the way things feel. Now you think the way things feel, the way something actually feels, the way someone's hand feels on your heart or on your head or on your leg. These are great ways to tap into what it actually the embodiment of self and the relationship.

Amie Barsky

-:

I love that. Those are really valuable things that can be implemented, like ASAP. Really? Even single or in relationship, like we. That's available ASAP, without a doubt. Wow. Well, how can people find you? What's the best way to stay connected to you? Sam?

Sam Morris

-:

The best way is Instagram. It's amgibs Morris. That's g I b b s. Sam Gibbs Morris.

Amie Barsky

-:

Amazing. I love that. And if you have a moment to share one of your I come first practices, to put yourself first, what is that?

Sam Morris

-:

One of the ways? So many. But I'd say my morning routine is the most important thing for me. And this is something. This is one of the. This actually, as I look back, this is one of the things that you're not ready for in a relationship, is how your morning routine is going to all of a sudden become secondary to the warm body next to you in the bed.

Amie Barsky

-:

Forget my morning routine. I'm just gonna.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, totally. The alarm goes off at 630, when I used to be up and doing breath work and meditation, but I'm rolling over and there's this warm body, and I'm like, this is better. So for me, the I come first is getting up and doing my morning routine and taking that time for myself to really just because I know the things I do in the morning are the things that set me up to be a better man that day, with capacity and range and. And groundedness in my nervous system.

Amie Barsky

-:

I love that. And speaking of nervous systems, I want to just wrap this up in a nutshell of when you're in partnership, it's not anyone's duty to fix the other person or, you know, make the problem go away or anything like that. In my experience and what I've learned and what I'm starting to practice is the most sane, regulated, open person supports the other person who might be having their spiral, their moment, their breakdown, their what have yous. You know, like, I think that's. It's not a. It's a team effort.

Sam Morris

-:

Totally. Hundred percent. And on that, do not rush the person through their process. If the, if you like, if you want, if the other person is having a, you know, moment or a dysregulated time, it's easy to come in and be like, okay, another way to fix this. Like, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this. You're essentially, you're leaving an open loop in their system and you're rushing them through their experience. This especially, I think, goes for the man holding the woman, because men like to get through things. Women like to stay in things a little longer, to feel it and to process it through. So as the man is so important to cultivate staying power, the ability to stay in something with the, the woman in front of you.

Amie Barsky

-:

Beautiful. I love that. Well, on that note, thank you so much for all of this. What value you have brought to this conversation. And yeah, I am extremely excited to practice some of these things that you just put in my back pocket. So thank you, thank you, thank you and have a beautiful rest of your day, and I will talk to you soon.

Sam Morris

-:

Yeah, thank you too. I just want to take a second to it's been so great to like to get to know you and to call you a friend and to see your growth and to see the way you show up in the world and how you hold people in. The medicine that you bring to the world is absolutely spectacular. So I deeply honor you for who you are.

Amie Barsky

-:

Oh, thank you, Sam. I receive. You're welcome to all my sisters listening. Receiving is a big, big, yeah, energetic that we get to keep opening up to. So I receive, Sam, thank you.

Sam Morris

-:

You're welcome.

Amie Barsky

-:

Thanks for tuning into today's episode. I know your time is valuable and I'm so grateful that we get a chance to share this space together. If you're wanting more from myself or any of my guests right now, I am a hell yes to that. I love your enthusiasm. So let's make it happen. Simply check out the links in the show notes for all the information on the latest offerings, programs, and possibilities to connect outside this space. Or feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. Amybarskycoaching and of course, if you have any reflections or feedback, I am all ears. Also, if you feel this episode supported you, will you please leave a rating and a review? Your reviews really help people to discover the show and if you know of anyone you feel would benefit from this podcast, please pass it along. A special thanks to my parents for always watching over me and for my team at fullcast for making this show possible. I can't wait to be back in your ears next week. Trust me, you won't want to miss this next episode.

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