In this inspiring episode, Sarah Crews sits down with Kassie Kilpatrick- nurse, former performer, and rising Instagram influencer to talk about her emotional journey of embracing her natural gray hair. Kassie shares how letting go of hair dye led to unexpected growth, confidence, and joy, both inside and out. They dive into the pressures women face to stay youthful, how the "Silver Sisters" community became a lifeline, and why the real beauty of going gray is the transformation that happens within.

Kassie also offers practical tips for transitioning gracefully, handling judgment, and finding freedom in authenticity. If you are thinking about embracing your natural hair, or simply want to feel inspired to step into your truest self, this episode will uplift and empower you.

Follow Kassie: @allgrayvybaby

Well, hello and welcome to the Lessons from Your Hairstylist podcast. I'm your host and hairstylist friend, Sarah Cruz. Did you know that 60 to 70 % of us worldwide color our

hair?

chances are if you hit play on this episode, you might be coloring your hair too.

And so today I have Cassie Kilpatrick on. She has been an influencer on Instagram lately with her gray transition. She has been transitioning into her own natural color. I think it looks beautiful mid transition. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see her, but her hair is absolutely gorgeous. And I know that so many of my clients

have actually played with the idea of just letting their gray grow in. I've been highlighting my hair for years and I've noticed that I am all completely gray on the top. And I've had people ask, are you growing your gray in when it's clear that I need my roots done? And I'm kind of like, no, but I'm not mad at the color. So I'm just gonna put my head down so you can see here on YouTube that I have quite a lot of gray. Actually, I'm almost totally gray.

Here is where about where my hair color is growing in, right in here. So I'm pretty gray on top too. I've thought about it, but I'm gonna tell you, I don't have the guts yet. And this is something that I'm interested to dive into with Cassie because I know that you may be interested in this as well.

Emotional, think it's probably mental, we'll go into that, but I really want to find out what that transition is like and what are some of the unexpected that we might be made aware of in this transition. So Cassie, thank you so much for coming on and joining us. You've been making a splash on Instagram with your hair transition and it already looks beautiful, even in transition.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm so excited to be here. I told Sarah I was actually considering starting a podcast. So when she reached out, this was like perfect timing to, you know, dip my feet in. So thank you for having me. I'm super excited to talk about this.

Well, absolutely. I would love for you to just give us first of all, how did you decide that you were going to grow in your gray?

You know, it's funny because I don't think I ever really decided. What I did was push off dying my hair a little bit every time I needed to. I was like, ⁓ not yet. was just, I didn't want to do it anymore. And I think I've been doing it for probably 20 years. I went gray when I was like in my early 20s. And every two weeks I was, you know, getting the little stripe and I was like, this is so frustrating. And ⁓

It was a combination of a few different things. I, number one, just didn't want to. I just kept pushing back the date. I actually had a box die at home. I gave it to my friend, my best friend, and I said, just take this from me. And if I ask for it back, make me wait like 48 hours to give it back. She still has it 15 months later. Just fun fact. But also, I'm very happy about this transition. But if I am honest,

One of the things that sparked it was a bit of a traumatic experience. And I think I mentioned this to you before, but I'm a nurse, I work critical care, and I just have seen so much death and trauma. And then it affected my own family. My niece was 28 and tragically died in an accident. And it was maybe a week after I had just dyed my hair. ⁓ Through that whole process, obviously, we were just busy doing things, you know, as a family.

And then when I came back to it, I remember looking in the mirror one day and just thinking I have the opportunity to do so many things that she won't have the opportunity to do and that a lot of the patients that I take care of won't have the opportunity to do and I was looking in the mirror at my little gray roots showing and I was like I'd get the opportunity to see what I look like with gray hair and like what if I love it? What if I hate it? I can always dye it again, but what if I love it and

I don't know, something about that just stirred in my spirit a little bit and I wanted to see myself, what that would look like. So it was a combination of quite a few things and then I immediately just started talking to friends about it and I posted a story on my normal Instagram, which I wasn't big into using Instagram at that point, but I posted little stories here and there and.

I had a friend I hadn't talked to in years actually. It was somebody I used to perform with. I was previously a performer, which is why image was a big part of what I did. I was a professional dancer in New York City and touring. We had to keep our image. We had to look young. I retired from dancing at 36 and I was dancing next to 20 something year olds. It was just ingrained in me that I've got to look young and I got to look good. This guy that I had performed with, he was a singer.

actually said it sparked a conversation with him and his girlfriend. And they responded to my story so out of the blue, because it's not like my best friends that I'm with. It's like random people that I know that were like, this is an interesting conversation. And I said, yeah, but I'm divorced a few years ago. I'm single. Is anybody going to want to date someone who's turning gray at this age? And I wasn't really looking to date, but still, that's in the back of your mind.

I think that's partially because so much of our worth as women is tied to staying youthful. And so that was a big conversation. And the three of us got on FaceTime one day, him and his girlfriend and me, and we just started talking about like the idea of going gray from just like a societal perspective. Is that even a word societal? Society's perspective. But it was really interesting conversation. And I remember getting off the phone like

It is here, yes.

maybe I can do this. And then it was like, you know, I was still thinking about it a month later. And then I started looking on Instagram and I found the like silver sister community. And I started looking at these other young women who were in their 30s, 40s, honestly, all the way up in age, but some starting as young as their 30s. And I was like, wow, they look so good. But I was like, I won't. I'll look washed out and haggard and awful. But I kept looking at them. A few in particular, I was like,

Gosh, they look amazing. And yeah, I just started lingering and then I created an account and I was like, maybe if I just create an account, I'll just have some fun with it. And then it just kind of went month by month and I just kept saying, I can dye it at any time. It's not permanent, you know? It's not like you can't find hair dye right up the street. and then a few months went by and...

All these things started to come up in me and change and it really was a journey and I started to love it. And here we are 15 months later.

Wow,

you are 15 months into this and I think over 15,000 followers now on Instagram who have been interested in this transition. like you said, this has been such a journey and it's I'm sure gonna be so different for anyone who decides to do this.

You mentioned about community, the Silver Sister community. That's

got to be so helpful to see other people that you can look to. The other thing you mentioned was

this idea of feeling like we need to stay young, we need to continue to look young. How has this transition and this process that you're going through changed your perspective on that in any way, if at all?

It has definitely changed my perspective on that. I actually posted something on my stories today because I've had so many conversations about this with the women in this community on Instagram, but just also in real life, you know, as well. I talked to a person who started her transition and she's been following my page and she was talking about mourning who she was. Something about growing in her gray hair made her feel like

a loss toward the younger woman that she was. And I completely understand that. I was like, I felt the same thing. I feel like I almost had to mourn myself as a young woman, as a performer. Like I quit performing because I got too old. My body was breaking down. I had hip surgery, I had back injuries. So it does bring out this, this a little bit of sadness, you know, about who you were and the life you've lived up till now.

But what I told her is what I didn't see coming 15 months later is that it's okay to mourn that person, but what you don't know yet is you're about to meet the woman you're becoming and you might like love her. You might love her. I know it makes me like tear up. I know if there's so much fear to like

You can see I'm tearing up too. I feel like...

for women to age. Like society is just anti-aging, anti-aging all the time, you know? And it's like you have to look young. You have to stay young. Everybody's, you know, doing the Botox and the treatments and the trying to freeze their fat away and get rid of their cellulite and doing all these things. We're just not allowed to exist as older women, you know? And it's like we have so much to offer, but we're so distracted by like...

trying to fit this expectation society has on us. And if we're so focused on that, we're gonna lose all those beautiful things that we really do have, you know, to offer the world. And I just told her, you might love her. I have fallen in love with myself in a completely different way that I never knew was possible. I mean, I was a professional dancer. I had to stay.

in shape and thin and you know that was a big part like I said of looking young. I had to look young for my career and so I've been so hypercritical of myself for so long and you know I'm 20 pounds heavier now. I've got some dimples on my butt and my little bit of belly fat and I'm like but now I go out in a little crop top if I want to and my shorts and I just exist now because I'm like this is this is who I am and

with that freedom of letting go of having to do things the way society expects you to do it, you find this freedom to just be you. And it makes you live life in a different way. It really does. I don't know how to describe it until you go through that process on your own. And you know, I've had people say,

Stop posting pictures of your gray hair. This is ridiculous. Going gray is in a journey. Like having an illness is a journey. I'm like, I'm not saying other things aren't a journey, but everything is a journey. And I feel like this one has been one of the best journeys I've traveled in my life so far, to be honest. And it started with something as silly as my hair.

Wow.

Well, I feel like first of all, I'm in therapy right now. This is so powerful what you're saying. I don't think I was ready for that emotional

but as we said at the top of the episode, this is an emotional process. This is

something that's a lot deeper than just what we see on the outside. And I love what you're saying because it's so transformative, which is what this podcast is really all about. It's about transformation and what you're going through is the ultimate transformation, but not only on the outside, so much more on the inside. And the way that you're feeling about yourself in ways that you never expected

So we talk about community and you mentioned that you had people out there

were inspiring you. as you started to be inspired by people online and your Silver Sisters community,

Can you talk about how they may have influenced your decision-making process?

Yeah, of course. So if you decide to do this, will say if you're on social media, find these women. They are incredible. And I feel like I found this sisterhood online that I never could imagine my life without now, you know. But they, are basically the message I just told you a few minutes ago about

meeting the woman you're going to become. These are things you're not thinking about when you've got a skunk stripe on your head and you're feeling awkward and insecure and ugly and like you're not thinking about these things. So having these women and they find you. They will find you. If you post something and hashtag gray hair, I had women just flocking and they like look for the new women that are doing this so they can help and support.

And I got personal messages and this is why I say my DMs are always open. If people are having a bad day, I'll hop on there and send you some encouragement if you need it. The same way they did that for me. just putting advice out there and encouragement because it's hard in those first few months. And you're not gonna always have support from people around you. They're usually your worst critics. And that's what a lot of these women say when they're starting.

my family thinks it looks awful, my husband's telling me he doesn't like it, my daughter's making fun of me. The people around are not always gonna be your support system. And I think finding these women and connecting with them, you're just gonna find, you're gonna find the support that you just don't have.

That is such an unexpected perk to what it is that you're going through is finding your community and finding your sisters and finding your people. women may have, and I talk about women, I know that there are men that struggle with

But I think it tends to be a little more challenging for women in many ways. And having that support system around, I think is very important because when other people are not supporting you, and as you said, I know in your experience, you've had some nasty comments online and those things can truly affect you. And I want to go into that because I know that that's something that you and I talked about was you were dealing with

some nasty comments online. And so when you're already in this process, it's already unsure. You're already going through it. Having that support system that was unexpected, but so powerful and so valuable, I think is

just such a valuable thing to have. When you say that the right people find you, I think that's so true in so many things in our lives where we might set off on a certain path. We're not sure how we're going to get there. We're not sure how it's going to play

And I love that you're saying that the right people find you because right when you need them the most, when other people

coming in and you've got the negativity in your ear, that's when you can really lean on them. I also love that you're saying, hey, if this is something you're thinking about or you're struggling with anything, reach out to me. Now that you have had support from other people, now you're also giving back in that way too. And I can see where this is such a community.

I love that you said Silver Sisters. I don't know if that's like an official thing, but I love that this is like a community of women who are supporting each other. And I know you must get a lot of positive feedback and questions from women who are thinking about doing this themselves.

What are some of the questions that women have for you and what are some of the reservations that you see?

So yeah, the Silver Sister community is official. It's a hashtag. If you're starting, you can look for that. ⁓ And you know what I love about it too is that not only are we a community online that support each other, but they meet up in person whenever they get the chance. Like if someone's traveling, they'll say, hey, I know you're here. Can we meet up? so it's like you've got this friend group that, you know, like you said, it's such a gift. I fully believe the universe puts.

things in your life at the right timing and just like this,

a lot of the reservations, you know, and I think sometimes because I am very single and living my single life right now and talk about that. So I get a lot of the women that are also single or divorced or, you know, they're insecure about going gray because they don't think they'll find love again, which is so sad because number one,

true love is not going to be like, you look terrible, you need to your hair. You know, I mean, we are more than our hair color or the dimples on our thighs. um, yes. But I, but I'm very out there about that. And also, I have not been dating, however,

That's a good sound bite. ⁓

I have never been hit on more in my life than I have since I've had my gray hair out. So I always try to encourage those women. It's a non-issue. Don't worry about that. I worried about it for the first four or five months of growing out my gray hair. And I'm like, I promise you, you don't have to worry about it. And I had women telling me that, and I didn't believe them. was like, no one's going to like me if I look haggard and old. However, when I look at these other silver sisters and women,

online, I don't think they look haggard and old. So it's so funny what we put on ourselves. And then that's why this community is so important because we see it. We just don't believe it for ourselves yet. You know, we see that this person looks beautiful and stunning with their gray hair. We see their before and afters from black to silver. And we're like, they don't look washed out. They're glowing and gorgeous. And we still think, that, I'll look washed out and terrible. You know? So I think that

that community is important because you really are seeing, you just haven't quite stepped into the believing it for yourself yet, you know? And I feel like that's just a lesson for a lot of things in life, but I do feel like that's one of the things in this community that I valued the most. So now I'm giving that back, you know? I'm having these women approach me that just can't see it for themselves yet.

said, because you said that you thought that very same thing. You looked at other people and thought that, yeah, great for them. They look great, but I won't be that way. And now it has been proven to you that, well, you look great in the transition part. You're not even already there.

And you're already saying that you have been hit on more times than you ever were before. And I love that. And I love that for women who are worried about that type of a thing, that somehow they won't still be attractive. They won't still look and feel youthful. I love that that is a myth that's being debunked through the Silver Sisters. I love

Yeah!

So what I was so fascinated about with you was that you are not all the way through the transition. You're right smack dab in the middle of that part that I think so many women are fearing. And so many people are feeling that that's gonna be such a terrible stage and it's gonna last so long.

Yeah.

I think there's some fear around that. Like what's that gonna be like? How am I gonna get through that? But look at you. Your hair is two different colors and it is amazing. it looks, I mean, looks great. It looks great. And one of the things about this podcast is I want people to see how they are uniquely.

beautiful how they have unique characteristics that make them who they are and nobody else can have that. My hair wouldn't look like that in the transition. It would look totally different, but it could still look really good. It's just going to be my, version instead of your version. And when someone looks at you, when you are in the transition, you're not even all the way through. I look at you and I'm like, that looks amazing.

Yeah.

So talk about being in the middle of this transition. How is it feeling with the time that's going by? How much more time do you feel like you have? Is it just, do you feel like you are, do you feel like it's never gonna end? How is it living in that transition?

Yeah, that's a great question. So the very beginning, I say until about maybe month six, you know, you're just dealing with this stripe that just keeps getting bigger. And, you know, we joke about it. We call it the skunk stripe phase. And there's so many ways to go through this transition. whatever works for you and makes you feel the most confident and the most beautiful and whatever it is that you're looking to get out of this, the freedom of not having to dye your hair, those are the people that just tend to let it go like me.

There's people that spend a lot of money and time at this lawn to slowly, you know, lift this color out and do the gray blending. ⁓ I mean, some people chop it, you know, they go pixie and then they just let it grow gray and I love long hair. I actually just got my haircut. You probably can't even see it, but I just...

my hair

would never grow to that length so i'm so jealous i would not cut it either i would

I've so much cut off, but it's still long. I will always be a long hair person. You cannot convince me. I did a bob one time and I will not do it again. although many people say, hey, it's time to just cut it and go gray. I'm like, nope, I'm going to do this my way. So this line people refer to as the demarcation line, right? And it bothers so many people. In the very beginning, I did not love the skunk stripes. So what I did is I started playing with hairstyles. I would do like

where I would just like gather in different pieces and then pull those pieces together to try to expose more of the gray so it just didn't look like a stripe. I would do braids and bubble braids and like all different things. I just started playing because I thought, let me just show off as much of the gray as possible. Number one, it'll help me get used to seeing it. ⁓ And it just blends that skunk stripe a little bit. Some people use scarves and headbands and hats and some people are just like.

I'm doing this and you're just going to have to look at my skunk stripe. And if it makes you uncomfortable, that's more your issue that you need to work through, not mine. ⁓

love that you're talking about styles that people can do and different options for transitioning because no two people's transition looks the same. And so by you giving people some ideas and some inspiration as to how you can get through that transition stage, especially when you're in the, I would imagine the most hard stage of having a stripe. Can you talk a little bit more about the...

Yeah.

Yeah.

the stripe phase because I would imagine the stripe phase is maybe even more difficult than where you are right now.

it 100 % is more difficult because you're in that phase where people can't tell if you just missed your hair appointment or if you're actually doing this as a choice. And a lot of people ask. It's so funny in that striped phase, people will start to question you. ⁓ I also posted a reel the other day, like if you're gonna do this and you're an introvert, just know you're gonna be having a lot of conversations, so get ready. Because people would just ask me everywhere I went.

at a coffee shop on the street, like riding my bike. Like people want to know, are you, are you actually doing this on purpose? You know, it's like almost like they're afraid to ask, but then they ask and depending on how big your stripe is, I think if it's like here, they're just giving you that look and you always think that look is them judging you. So I felt in the beginning, I felt really insecure. I felt like everybody was staring at my stripe and judging me for not dying my hair. And then around

month, maybe like three, four when the stripe was like to about here. That's when people started, hey, are you doing this on purpose? And that's when I would notice people looking. I felt like I just had to jump in and explain, I didn't miss my hair. Yes, I'm dying. Yes, I'm growing my gray hair out. Like, yes, this is a choice. Like, let me just tell you before, before you bring it up, even though they might not have said anything, it's just my own insecurity feeling like I needed to make an excuse for myself, you know,

Yeah, yeah.

apologize for showing up this way and making this choice almost.

Yeah. So it's like,

you feel people are looking at you like, wow, what's going on with her? She let herself go or what? know, it's like, we tell ourselves, we tell ourselves all of these stories about what people think. And I know that, you know, it probably is there. probably is some judgment out there.

Yeah.

How have you dealt with some of the negativity that has come your way since you have put yourself out there on social media? I know you didn't expect for it to take off the way that it did. And I know that you shared with me when we spoke before that you had a viral video and somebody actually came in and said something kind of nasty and it really affected you. Can you talk about that a little bit?

Yeah, of course. So you're going to get a lot of positive. You're going to get a lot of negative, especially if you're putting yourself out there on a public platform. It was around my birthday. think I was my birthday since July. So I was around like six or seven and I posted a video and it went viral. That was my first viral. It went to like a million. me, was anything over five thousand views was like viral to me then.

million views, but I woke up on my birthday and I mean I was just getting notification after notification on my phone and they were Awful, I will never forget them because I'm one of those people that I will remember things people said to me and there was one that Said ⁓ you aged like sour milk with a bunch of milk emojis There was one that was just vomit emojis. There was one that said Okay, grandma get off Instagram and go tend to your grandkids. There was one that

the best one or the most awful said, it looks like father time beat your ass in a back alley. Can we say that word on here?

So yeah, for sure. I'm surprised we haven't popped the F word out

I was just like, what the hell? And, you know, of course I was getting really upset. This is the first time I was dealing with that. ⁓ But then I was looking at these people's Instagrams and it was mainly, I don't want to be rude or not nice, but very unattractive, like older men. And I was like, hmm.

Okay, whatever, you know, and then you got people there that don't even have pictures or followers or anything. I guess people refer to those as trolls. They just go on there and be mean for no reason. ⁓ But it was mostly that. But I was feeling so insecure at that point and I thought to myself, like, maybe this was a terrible decision. I got really in my head about it. I booked a session with my therapist. I was just...

It was my birthday and I was just like, I'm old and ugly. You know, I was turning 42. So, you know, I'm not, I'm not by any means old, but I was just in that space. But let me also say I had so many wonderful comments too and supportive comments and also

Comments from women that were like I could never but you go girl, know, like do your thing. I would never And since then I've had other videos do the same thing, you know I've got one at like seven million and I just I turn off the notifications because you're gonna get the good and the bad and now at this point it doesn't bother me because who are these people, know, and Who are they and what are their opinions matter in my life? They don't and I don't really care if you find me attractive anyway

It always comes from someone who doesn't have anything going for themselves. And obviously they're sitting over there with nothing else to do, but to try to, you know, give somebody else a hard time. So, but it is hard, does affect you.

Right.

in the air.

Right. ⁓

Yeah, it does. But I will say those comments from random people like that don't bother me. Like I said, in person, I get way more positive feedback and I get, like I said before, get hit on more than I ever have. it's like, and not by ugly people, but very attractive people. I'm always like, wait, who me? What? Huh? You love my hair? thank you. But.

Yes!

You

do have beautiful hair. it's like that is some great hair. That is great hair. I'm very jealous. Like I don't have any. I've got two little extensions on each side just so I got a little something. We got nothing.

gorgeous, but women women can be the most brutal and those are the comments that do affect me because I Feel for them. It's it's not that it affects me so much in a I get upset for me way it's I feel for them because I know that they're still so afraid of facing the aging process, you know and and also maybe just insecure and I hate that for them, you know that

They have to show up and beat other women down. And you're going to find it. It's not the majority, so that's good. But what I always do try to do is dig a little deeper when I reply to those people. Maybe like a little therapy session. But I'm like, what's going on here? I want to have the conversation. And I try as much as I can to give honest.

and deeper answers to the people that kind of leave those negative opinions because number one, the other people that need to see the messages are going to see the messages. I don't want the person who's thinking about starting out to see that person try to tear me down and it affects me in a negative way. I want them to see my reply. I want them to see what I'm saying back.

leading and inspiring, by example, other women. And I think that that is so encouraging and so helpful for listeners who might be struggling with their own hair related issues out there, who may just be watching, not even engaging, but they're seeing this. You're having an impact on people that you don't even realize you're having an impact on. And when you say that a lot of the negativity can come from women and how sad that is,

Yeah.

That is very sad that women would be tearing each other down. And I've seen a lot of influencers go on social media and reply to these negative comments and post the comment and give them a platform and just like let them have it. And it's given the person some attention now. It's given them.

a stage and I like that you keep it positive that way and you understand where it's coming from because what someone else says or does towards you is not about you, it's about them.

I think that's very true. But I do want to really quick,

say that like you're saying, you don't even realize you're having an effect on these other women until I get messages in my inbox. Hey, I've been watching your account for the last 10 months and I now have decided to start my own journey and thank you. You've inspired me so much and I've never even seen them like or comment on a post, but they've been there in the background, you know, watching. You just, you don't know. And

I think to myself how special it is to have a platform like that to be able to

to share this message with other women because as a performer, I think one of the biggest theaters I danced in was at the Chicago Theater. And it seats, I think, 3,500, right? And now you've got daily messages that you're putting out that are reaching 10 to 50, 150, a million, 7 million people. And that's a massive audience. That's why I do try to keep the conversation.

real and raw and positive and not just go back and forth with the people trying to bring it down in a negative way. Like, let's have a conversation. What's really going on here? You know, but those those messages in my inbox, I get those weekly, you know, if not daily, and it makes it all so worth it.

You've got such

good heart and such a positive way about you and just the light that shines from inside. You're absolutely beautiful. I'm so excited that we have been having this conversation. And really, I don't even need to be on this. You've just like taken it away yourself.

I want to ask you if you have any actionable tips for any of your listeners who might be struggling with their own hair related issues or their own self image, ⁓

Yeah, think,

you know, as a hairdresser, know, women carry a lot of emotions in their hair and their image, you know, and so I would say first just examine what's under that, you know, like what's the underlying question or what's the underlying fear when it comes to making changes to your image or your hair or deciding to go gray, whatever it might be, like what's really in there? Like what's the real fear?

⁓ If you have a therapist, great, you can work through with that. If you don't, just try to reflect on that. Obviously, there's practical tips as well. I always say don't make any rash decisions. Just know that nothing is permanent. You can re-dye your hair. You can do it again if the transition's not for you right now. If you start and you're like, you know what, this isn't for me right now, that's fine.

There's no right or wrong way to go through life as a woman. There's no wrong or right way to age. Some people go gray and then they still get their Botox and there are other things, you know? Some people are like, I'm gonna let everything be natural now and just exist. And you gotta do what's right for you.

just don't make rash decisions. Have your friend hold your box of hair dye or put it in a cupboard so you can't just have a bad night because someone said something rude to you and now you're like, I'm going to dye my hair. Remember your why. Why are you doing this? And for me, there's so many reasons. I talked about the emotional reasons, but practically, I was tired of scheduling all my special events and my hair washes and hair dyes. It was another like.

planner I had set. it's like, okay, I have a wedding to go to on this day, which means if I wash my hair on this day, I can only wash it one more time or I'm gonna have to dye my hair before this and I'm going on, I talked to a woman on vacation. I went on a cruise, I went on a cruise by myself because one of the things that growing out my gray hair has done for me has given me just so much more confidence to exist, like I said, to just exist. And I thought, this is my life, I'm gonna live it how I want, I wanna go on vacation.

It's okay that I don't have a partner or a person to go on vacation with. I want to go, I'm gonna go.

I started by having dinner with myself and then two weeks later I was on vacation by myself. So I went through that journey really fast. But on this vacation, this woman was like, man, I'm watching you around the ship and like, you're just having so much fun and you're just so free and confident. And she's like, I traveled to the hotel to board this cruise with a box of hair dye in my suitcase. I dyed my hair the morning of embarkation because I didn't want my roots showing on my vacation pics. And I knew if we're going to the beach, I would have to wash

my hair, so I had to dye it the morning of and I'm like, I remember that. I remember that feeling and it's so stressful. And I actually got tons of women on this cruise that were saying that like, the fact that you're just showing up by yourself, confident, free, not caring what people think, you know, so there's the practical side of it too. I think letting go of that frees you up to just to just

Bing.

Yeah, to just be. ⁓ So I don't know. Yeah. And then obviously there's practical tips for going gray, which you you can talk to your hairstylist if you have one. If not, the women on Instagram, they told me things I would have never thought about, like test all your heat protector sprays and oils and test them on a white paper towel to make sure they're clear so you don't put products in that are going to yellow your gray hair. I live in Florida, so it's super sunny and the UV rays can cause yellowing and chlorine and...

you know, different things that I deal with here in Florida. So just trying to be careful of that wearing hats if I'm going for my walks in the sun. ⁓ Now I'm trying to embrace my natural curly hair because I always heat styled my hair. was a flat ironed and then I put the curls in. I was a, want silky hair kind of girl, but the heat styling can also damage your gray hair. So I've been trying to just, this is my air dried. I told you, I just went for a walk to dry my hair before we started the podcast, but I'm trying to.

your natural hair is like

It's unreal. That is just amazing.

We're trying to work on getting this situation to work. But yeah, there's emotional tips and practical tips to go through this.

Oh my goodness that

don't

don't even need to be on this podcast. Like I would need like when I edit this, I'm just gonna edit like all of my stuff out. Cause like, I don't even need to say anything. it's just it's amazing.

No.

So Cassie, how do you envision your journey now continuing as you embrace this new phase of your life?

Ooh, okay. This is such a good question because there are little things I haven't mentioned, but I feel like this is a good spot to bring them up. So I recently wrote a book. It's a memoir. It's not published. I haven't published. I haven't gotten that far. But I did. wrote a memoir. But this has inspired me to write another book that's kind of part real life, but also part fiction, fantasy. but

I never would have thought that growing out my gray hair would lead me into writing. So that's just another thing that I didn't see coming, podcasting. Because of my Instagram platform, I started thinking, I love to talk, obviously.

But I never would have seen myself, you know?

is great.

having these kinds of conversations all the time. So it's not only inspiring a book, it's inspiring a podcast. I now make a second income off my Instagram, which I never saw coming by doing brand partnerships with hair care companies, makeup companies. ⁓ Just, I never would have foreseen like being a paid influencer, you know? So that actually then led me to be able to leave the hospital job that I really wanted out of. I'd been working bedside with the trauma and it was just really weighing on me.

but it was a pay cut to move to a work from home job. And I was able to do it because I had this extra income from Instagram, from my gray hair, you know? And it wasn't a huge pay cut, but this was just enough extra to fill in those little gaps. I just feel like it's such a weird thing that growing out my gray hair is leading to my life changing in all these other ways. And it's a creative outlet because I used to be a performer and a dancer. I really miss like,

performing and showing up in that way. So like the little fun Instagram reels and things that you do to try to stay in the algorithm and attract new followers and stuff. It's just a new performance outlet for me. So I went from just being 12 hour shifts, working overtime all the time, kind of miserable, just kind of existing to like thriving, like confident, self-accepting.

learning a new language right now. I'm learning how to like salsa dance and I'm going out all the time and I just I'm so happy. I'm so free and and I think a lot of that is just letting go of the weight of the insecurities and all the pressures and you know my life honestly it's totally changed my life.

That is so incredibly inspiring And it's just amazing how things are being woven together to create whole new avenues of opportunity and creativity and happiness.

And

this is something that I think is gonna do so many people so much good to hear.

And

I know they're gonna wanna follow you.

So I'm definitely gonna be leaving your Instagram and your information in the show notes.

And before we go there,

I want to go to our last and final segment called Cut It or Keep It. This is something I do based on being a hairstylist behind this salon chair where we make the decision every day to either

Cut the hair or keep it depending on whether or not we think it's worth it.

one, cut it or keep it, going viral.

Keep it. It's difficult, but like I said before, you have a platform to spread a message when something goes viral. And the way you respond to people, you get to spread other little

in the comments and have the conversations and you don't know who's looking. And I really believe that the messages get to the women who need them. So keep it. Keep it.

So keep it.

So number two is actually literally cut it or keep it. We talked about this a little bit, but you are in the middle of your transition. Will you cut it or will you keep it? I agree.

Keep it. I'm here for the long

run. This is 15 months, so I'm thinking another year, and I'm thinking three and a half years before I'm done. Maybe four, but I'm here for the journey, so.

I'm here for it, look at it already, it looks amazing. And I'm the same as you, I'm a long hair girl. If I had long hair, it would be long. If it could grow that long, then I'd have it too. So keep it, you're keeping it.

Yeah.

cut it or keep it, the process.

Keep it. Keep it. You need time for your heart and your soul and your mind to process this whole transition as well because we've already said it's not just about gray hair. It's about becoming the woman that you're going to become and she needs time to adjust. So 100 % keep it.

I love that, yes. And I can understand that now having listened to you, definitely you'd want to keep the process. The process has got to be the most valuable part of the entire thing. We talked about this a little bit, showing your vulnerability online, giving a little bit of behind the scenes about yourself, a little bit about your story. But that does come sometimes with some feedback that you may or may not be looking for.

So cut it or keep it, showing vulnerability publicly.

For me, keep it. For me. I will say I've seen women leave Instagram because it was too much for them. So you have to be self-aware to know your mental capacity and your emotional capacity to do something like this publicly. And for some people, keep it. It'll work for you. And for me, I wear my heart on my sleeve anyway. I am an oversharer. I am a vulnerable, heart on my sleeve kind of person. So for me, keep it.

For some people, know your boundaries. It may not be healthy for you to show up that way. And I've seen it really affect some women in a negative way, and then they leave. So cut it or keep it, depending on your own heart and mind space.

So for you it's a keep it because it has led you down some amazing avenues, but for some people might not be for them. And then the last one, and this is sort of aligned with what we just talked about, but as you have shared and become vulnerable and shared your story, you've become an influencer. So cut it or keep it becoming an influencer.

be healthy.

Keep it! This is so

fun! You know, and I will say my family makes fun of me. I get it the worst from my nephews, or from my nephew. They make fun of me all the time. But I'm like, go ahead. I don't even care. I've had so much fun. I've made this community of women that feels like family and sisterhood to me. And I make an income from it.

To me, I'm like, what's not to love about it? I never saw it coming. And I hate even using the word influencer. Like, I've got 15,000 followers. There's women out there growing out their gray hair that are like hundreds of thousands of followers or, you know, they're influencers. I feel like I'm just this tiny little micro influencer, I guess. But keep it, you know? I love it.

Yeah.

The question probably should have been, cut it or keep it, the term influencer, because we use the term influencer. But when you think about it, all of us have influence over other people. And I think that you are such an inspiration in the way that you do that, because you influence in such a positive way. And again, I know everybody's just gonna wanna check out your Instagram page and find out more about you.

So can you tell us where people can get in contact with you, where they can find you?

Yes, so I mainly just work on Instagram. It's all Gravy Baby and there's the Y in there for gray, all Gravy Baby. ⁓ And I did start a Facebook page. So if you're only on Facebook, I do have that set up. There's not a lot of traction on there because I didn't necessarily use it. I think I had to start it in order.

to do a partnership with someone just through Meta. But yeah, just on Instagram, and my DMs are always open if someone wants to message me. And if I don't have time to type, I often will just send video messages to women and just show up and be like, hey, I saw that you commented this and I just want to jump on here real quick and encourage you or address that. ⁓ So yeah, find me on Instagram and I'm more than happy to connect with you there.

We will definitely put that into the show notes as well so that that can be easily found.

So Cassie, any final parting words or comments that you might have for the listener?

Yes. So I do just want to say thank you first to you because it was perfect timing for this podcast. When you reached out, I was so grateful that as a hairstylist, you were accepting and interested in this gray grow out process. ⁓ And just yesterday I had two things happen with hairstylists. One that shared a post and said she will always support clients who decide to go gray and natural. And another one who commented, ⁓ you look disgusting.

And I was, I clicked on her profile and realized she was a hairdresser. But I do get probably the best and the worst comments from hairstylists. So when you said you were interested in sharing this with your clients and your listeners, I was just so grateful that you're out there as one of those hairstylists that support the women who decide to do this. So thank you so much for that.

is absolutely appalling that a hairstylist would say that to you. In my opinion, why do you go into this industry if not to help other people feel beautiful? And I cannot imagine that a hairstylist would say that. It is such the opposite reason for doing what we do. I am so sorry that happened to you and that does not represent most hairstylists that I know.

For me, what I care about is the health of the hair and the health of the clients and the happiness of the people who sit in my chair. So if somebody goes on and stops coloring their hair and only sees me for a trim maybe once a year, I'm happy for that because I'm happy for them. There's plenty of people that color their hair.

Yeah.

And

I don't ever want anybody to feel like we're not for them in the beauty industry because hair of any color, people of any age or any sort of style influence, there's room for everybody in the beauty industry and everyone is beautiful.

So thank you for saying that.

Yes, thank you. Thank you so

this

been great.

Yeah,

you never know until you try something. And if you try it and you fall in love with it like I had and you feel the freedom that I feel and you feel the confidence that I feel, it might change your life. And if if it's not for you at this time, it's never a permanent decision. So like

You know, you've got one life. Like, live it how you want to live it and find the joy every day. That's just a message. It doesn't have to do with my gray hair, but just from my job at the hospital and all the trauma and death in my own family, I just want people to find the joy in life. And for me, that came through this freedom and growth process. I say growth process because it's not just hair growth, growth process. So, yeah.

Wow,

well that is so beautiful. Thank you so much for being on. This has been absolutely wonderful and I have loved every minute. Cassie Kilpatrick, thank you for coming on Lessons from Your Hairstylist.

Thank you. Thank you. This was amazing. You're awesome. Thank you for having me.

You're awesome.