Yo, we’re diving into some wild shenanigans today! Apparently, some folks in Washington thought it’d be a good idea to treat the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool like their personal splash zone. Yup, you heard that right! Five peeps got busted for messing with the water, which just went through a $14 million facelift—only to end up with algae and peeling paint. Talk about a glow-up gone wrong, am I right? And let’s not forget our star culprit, a former Olympic canoeist who just couldn’t resist the urge to poke the paint—classic human behavior! So grab your snacks and get ready to giggle as we explore this hilarious and totally relatable tale of “don’t touch that!”
Takeaways:
Five folks got busted for messing with the Lincoln Memorial's Reflecting Pool—who knew?
Peeling paint and algae problems? Looks like the $14 million renovation was a total flop!
Guess what? The reflecting pool is like a giant 'Do Not Touch' sign for curious humans!
David Hearn, a 67-year-old ex-Olympic canoeist, got detained for touching wet paint—oops!
When it comes to human nature, touching things we shouldn't is basically our jam!
Pool cops are on the lookout for tourists making jokes about peeling paint—watch out!
Transcripts
Speaker A:
Good morning.
Speaker A:
It's Haystack.
Speaker A:
There is a story out of Washington that sounds like it was maybe written by a committee of park rangers, reality TV producers, and people who take things too seriously.
Speaker A:
Federal officials say at least five people have been arrested, five more cited for allegedly tampering with the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
Speaker A:
Yes, the same reflecting pool that recently underwent a controversial $14 million renovation and then immediately developed algae problems and peeling paint.
Speaker B:
Pool cups.
Speaker B:
Pool cups.
Speaker B:
They're coming for you at the reflecting pool.
Speaker B:
Hey, buddy, what do you think you're doing?
Speaker B:
Uh, eating lunch.
Speaker B:
Is that your potato chip floating down there?
Speaker B:
Contaminating the entire pool?
Speaker A:
It blew in the wind.
Speaker A:
Poke.
Speaker B:
Him,.
Speaker A:
Boys.
Speaker A:
When they drained the swamp in Washington, the pond scum remained.
Speaker B:
Open up.
Speaker B:
We have a warrant.
Speaker B:
What?
Speaker B:
You're under arrest for two counts of swishing your hand around in the water.
Speaker A:
They're not cleaning up algae.
Speaker A:
They're cleaning up the streets of liberals making fun of the algae.
Speaker B:
All units respond.
Speaker B:
We're getting reports of a tourist making an Instagram joke about the peeling paint not being very appealing.
Speaker B:
Pool cups.
Speaker B:
Pool cups.
Speaker A:
They're coming for you at the reflecting pool.
Speaker A:
Pool cops.
Speaker A:
It's all.
Speaker B:
Joe Biden's fault anyway.
Speaker A:
Now, among those arrested, 67 year old former Olympic canoeist David Hearn.
Speaker A:
Said he was riding his bike, noticed a piece of the paint peeling off, reached down and touched it out of curiosity, and was detained for about five hours.
Speaker A:
To be fair, though, there's one thing humans can't resist, and that's touching something we're not supposed to touch.
Speaker A:
You put up a sign that says wet paint and everyone becomes a forensic scientist.
Speaker A:
We all do it.
Speaker A:
Is it really wet?
Speaker A:
Bloop.
Speaker A:
Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:
Now multiply that by the fact it's a national monument that's kind of falling apart.
Speaker A:
And of course people are going to poke it.
Speaker A:
It's not so much vandalism as it is human nature.
Speaker A:
At this point, the reflecting pool has become the world's most expensive do not touch sign.
