What is the Guiding Mindset, and how can it help you navigate parenting with greater confidence? In this episode, Tammy and Shannon introduce the seven interconnected principles that form the foundation of the Guiding Mindset—a practical framework designed to help parents move beyond one-size-fits-all advice and respond intentionally to their child's unique needs. They explore why parenting begins with self-awareness, the importance of truly seeing and understanding your child, building strong family connections, supporting every aspect of your child's development, nurturing their inner spirit, preparing proactively for everyday challenges, and understanding that all behavior is a form of communication. Whether you're parenting a toddler, teen, or somewhere in between, this episode lays the groundwork for future conversations and offers a fresh perspective that will help you parent with greater ease, peace, and joy.

The Shift Beneath the Words:

• Parenting Starts with the Parent
• Building Strong Relationships Through Connection
• Understanding Your Child Beyond Their Behavior
• Parenting with Intention Instead of Reacting

The 7 principles of a parenting approach that leads to greater confidence, ease, peace, and joy for the whole family.

About the Hosts:

In addition to being Mom to four kids in a blended family and a “Gammy,” Tammy Ulrich, MA has always been passionate about making a difference for children and families. For more than 40 years, it has been her life's work—as founder and administrator of a Montessori preschool for 24 years, a college instructor in Child & Family Studies, and now through The Guiding Mindset. Tammy helps parents truly see and understand the unique little human before them. Through practical principles and tools, she supports parents as they nurture and guide their child while navigating their parenting journey with greater confidence and ease.

Shannon Achilles is Tammy’s daughter and the original guinea pig for the Guiding Mindset. Shannon’s a working mom with an exciting job as a grant analyst and is a 20+ year military spouse. She is attempting to train for a sprint triathlon, loves reading and building LEGOs.

Shannon is parenting her own son with the Guiding Mindset framework. She is well versed in the challenges facing parents in our ever-changing world. Shannon is excited to share The Guiding Mindset with other parents and families so we can all add more ease and joy to the adventure that is parenthood.

Connect with Tammy & Shannon:

Website: www.theguidingmindset.com

Linktree (has links to everything): https://linktr.ee/TheGuidingMindset

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGuidingMindset/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theguidingmindset

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tammy-ulrich-43604028/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgVeKtu-X37BwzRqSzaSTxg

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Welcome to the Guiding Parent Podcast,

where you'll find the mindset and tools

to parent with greater confidence, clarity, and purpose,

even when there aren't any easy answers.

Together, we're going to explore

how to better nurture and guide our children,

to support who they are and who they're becoming,

so that they can fulfill their unique potential

and thrive in our ever-changing world.

I'm Tammy Ulrich, your host,

parenting and early childhood educator,

mom, and most fun, Gammy.

And I'm Shannon, your co-host.

I'm Tammy's daughter and mom

to a very energetic little dude called H.

We're glad you're here.

Let's get started.

Hello, welcome back to the Guiding Mindset Podcast.

So our last episode, we went over who we are.

And this episode, we're going to dive into

just what is the guiding mindset,

so that you have the framework.

So mom, what's the guiding mindset?

The guiding mindset is how we think about parenting.

There are seven interconnected principles

that provide the framework and the tools

so that we can better understand our kids

and how to best nurture and guide them.

There's a lot of parent advice out there.

And most of it tends to be something like,

if your child does A, then you do B,

then it will all happily result in C.

Well, that might work some of the time,

but it doesn't work for every situation or child.

Kids are unique little individuals, and so are parents.

So situations vary.

And what's right for one child or one family

may not be right for another.

There just isn't a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all answer.

So with the guiding mindset and the seven principles,

whatever the situation, whatever the age or stage,

we're going to be able to respond intentionally

in that moment, but also in a manner

that supports our kids' development

and the unfolding of the potential

and their becoming just who they're meant to be.

That's awesome, mom.

So what's our first principle?

It starts with you.

You mean it starts with me?

Yeah, well, we all want to go and default

right to figuring out our kids,

but we really have to consider ourselves first,

do a little inner work, looking within.

So to do that, we need to consider

what do we want to bring to parenting

in any given situation?

The kids are learning from and responding

to the world around them, and that includes us.

We are like the biggest influence.

So we need to take the time to know

what we bring as parents from our own upbringing

and what kind of parent do we want to be?

Ask questions like, how was I parented?

What do I want to keep?

What do I want to do differently?

But however we were parented, the world's changed

and it keeps changing, so we need to be able

to parent in a way that supports our kids

to be able to succeed in the world

that they're going to find themselves as adults.

We also need to consider what are my buttons?

We've all got those, those things that irk us

that our kids do that cause us to react

less than in a positive way.

So by just being aware of that,

we can then respond more calmly

rather than let it really get us.

And then in any given moment,

particularly when those buttons get pushed,

what's going on for me that might be preventing

my reacting calmly?

Like, was I busy and I forgot to eat lunch again

so I'm reacting because I'm a bit hangry?

So how more specifically does this help

with our interactions with our kids?

Well, it allows you to parent with intention

so that you move from parenting unconsciously

and reactively to having an awareness

and understanding yourself,

knowing who you want to be as a parent,

and then what matters most to you for your child

so that then you can make conscious

and intentional choices and decisions

and how you are with them.

So there's a question that we can ask

for each of these principles.

So for this first one, our question is,

what part of this situation belongs to me?

That's great.

What's our next one?

Appreciate the miracle.

Now, it really is quite miraculous.

Children come into the world with everything within them

to become who they're meant to be.

They have this inner drive or essence

that guides their growth and their development.

And it's up to the nurture then from the environment

for that to evolve and to become.

This is their potential that we talk about.

So an example of this,

we see this in a lot of ways in development,

but brain development is a great example.

Kids come in with all the neurons

that they need ready to go,

but it's the interactions and the experiences

that create the synapses that literally build their brains.

So another example is learning to walk and talk.

In just a short time,

they do that without any real instruction.

We just are there supporting and guiding them.

Kids are wired with this innate drive

for the experiences that they need for their development.

So we need to appreciate how miraculous that is

and work with that inner essence.

So how do we actually do that?

By really knowing and appreciating

who this unique little person in front of you is.

Now, what is their temperament?

What are their interests?

What are they driven toward at any given time?

What are their own little quirks

or particular little needs?

So by connecting and observing,

we can just get to know who is this little person.

And then as Montessori would say, follow the child.

It sounds like it can lead to less struggle,

a shift from trying to mold a child

into a specific version of what we think they should be

into seeing them with maybe our curiosity

and discovering and supporting who they really are

and their inner essence and potential.

Absolutely, that's exactly right.

So for this particular principle,

appreciate the miracle we're asking,

how am I staying true to who my child is?

That's great.

What's our next one?

Nurture connection.

This really is the foundation for everything else.

It's through relationship that we support our kids.

It's through relationship that we guide and teach.

And it's through relationship that we have influence.

Their development, their learning, their behavior,

their mental health and their future relationships

are all shaped by our connection.

How we communicate also has such an impact on this

and it can make or break our connection.

It's all about how we listen and respond

and work through feelings together

so that everyone feels heard and understood,

accepted and respected.

There's a saying, connection before correction.

We all have difficult moments,

but we definitely need to be sure we connect first.

So if I am super connected,

does that mean I automatically have a child

that's gonna do what I tell them?

Yeah, if only.

But with connection,

we are more likely to invite cooperation.

So we get a lot closer to getting there

and having them work with us and things go smoothly

than if we end up in a power struggle.

But it also sounds like in creating this connected culture

that it extends beyond just a parent-child relationship,

but really can foster a whole family culture.

Definitely.

We want to be teaching our children

that everyone in the family needs to be loved and cared for,

that we're all in it together.

When our family relationships are strong,

the whole family functions better.

And we just set up this idea

that we all take care of each other.

So the question that we ask for this principle is,

how can I strengthen our connection?

I love that.

What's next?

Guide the whole child.

Development is holistic.

We often have this tendency to pay particular attention

to our kids' physical development.

We make sure they're fed and watered.

And we're paying attention to their cognitive development

that they're learning.

But really the body, the brain, and the heart,

they're all interconnected.

And they're all very important to the whole.

The physical, the social, the emotional,

the cognitive, language, spiritual,

all of these come into play

and are interconnected and work together.

And we need all of them to really understand

how our children best learn and develop.

By understanding our kids' development,

then it also helps us to better understand them.

Why do they do the things they do?

And why don't they always do

what we think they should be able to do?

For instance, temper tantrums.

For a two-year-old, it's to be expected developmentally.

As much as we might like to be able

to teach or train it out of them,

it's a developmental part of being two.

And so having that understanding

helps us to ease our frustration,

have a little bit more empathy and compassion

for this little person that is,

just can't hold all these big emotions.

We can adjust our expectations

and then we can respond with guidance and support

that they need in that moment.

Is there a way that we know

what's developmentally appropriate?

Well, it takes us back to the principle

to appreciate the miracle, knowing your child,

as well as nurturing connection.

When we connect and we observe,

they really do show us who they are and what they mean.

And there's lots of resources that can help us

be more aware of those developmental milestones and such.

You can check out our website for resources.

And there's also gonna soon be a book you can purchase,

The Guiding Parent.

Also, this is exactly the kind of thing

we'll be talking about today.

Throughout our different episodes on our podcast.

The newsletter is also on our website

and you can subscribe.

Absolutely.

So there's lots of ways that you can find out more

about how to utilize these principles.

So a question for guiding the whole child is,

what's happening developmentally?

What needs or learning is needed?

All right, next.

The next principle is feed the spirit.

This is all about connecting with our child's

and our own wonder, curiosity.

And that's something that's beyond ourselves

to nurture that natural sense of awe and discovery

and our search for meaning and purpose.

All of our human inventions and progress

really comes from here.

Our imagination and our creativity.

It's also about supporting our kids

in developing a strong sense of self

and connection to their own inner guidance

to be able to know who they are

and feel good about who they are.

That they have a nice strong self-worth.

This is part of their developing values and character

and being able to hear that inner voice

that helps them to know what feels right and true for them.

It includes things like kindness and empathy,

having gratitude, as well as experiencing beauty

and joy and music, you know, appreciation for the arts.

All those little things that make life meaningful

and much more worthwhile.

It sounds almost spiritual.

It really is.

We often tend to overlook that spiritual aspect

that's such a big part of who we are as humans.

You know, it's those mountaintop experiences.

It's watching a sunset,

stopping to watch a ladybug crawl up a leaf.

Those moments of just awe and wonder.

It's enjoying and appreciating all that's around us

as well as having an awareness of that inner part of us

and having our inner knowing and guidance.

Makes me think of our experiences in my family

of raising monarch caterpillars into butterflies.

That's always so cool to see that whole progression

from caterpillar to butterfly.

I always love doing that with kids.

So the question for Feed the Spirit is,

does this nourish and protect my child's spirit?

What comes next?

Preparing with purpose.

This principle really helps us to be proactive

rather than reactive.

By planning ahead, and that includes us,

we can prevent so many struggles

and save a lot of time and really save our sanity.

Rather than reacting, we can anticipate and prepare

so that then we can respond a lot more calmly

and intentionally.

So there's really two parts to this.

So we're preparing our child's little world,

their environment, our home environments.

So we create opportunities for learning and development,

things that support their budding independence and autonomy.

But it also means creating those routines

and those schedules that help everyday life

run more smoothly and make sure

that we're meeting needs along the way.

Then the second part of that is that we're preparing

our kids for those everyday life and changes that happen.

So helping them know what to expect

when things are going to be different,

to move through transitions more smoothly,

to deal with changes in routines, new experiences,

major life events, whatever happens to come our way.

So preparing for things from a quick trip

to the grocery store with less incidents along the way

to maybe an unexpected late bedtime,

to grandparents visiting,

or maybe even a major move across the country.

It's definitely easier to prepare

than to try and pick up the pieces.

I know my family definitely has a lot of experience

with this.

Yes, especially the visiting grandparents

and moves across the country.

So the question for preparing with purpose is quite simply,

what preparation is needed?

So this leads us to our final principle,

which is behavior is communication.

This is the principle we all want to start with,

but really we need to understand the other principles

in order to best decipher the language of behavior

and understand what it's communicating.

So instead of seeing our child

and their behavior is the problem,

we look beneath it to understand what's driving it.

We can connect, get curious,

and then use the principles to understand what's needed

and how we should best respond.

Difficult behavior really is just mistaken behavior

and it's communicating an unmet need.

When we come at it with this mindset,

it allows us to respond with connection and guidance

rather than control and punishment.

I love the saying,

my child isn't giving me a hard time,

they're having a hard time.

And so it's up to us to figure out what's going on for them.

So our question for behavior is communication is,

what is this behavior telling me?

I know for me,

these principles have really given me so much confidence

in knowing what to do

and handling any kind of a scenario that comes about.

I know that I'm parenting my child in a way

that helps them become the fullest version of themselves.

And our world is changing so rapidly

and I feel like as a guiding parent,

I can set up a life that helps my kid thrive

in that ever-changing world.

Absolutely.

And along with that,

what's really important to me

is that when we change how we nurture and guide our children,

we change what becomes possible for them,

for ourselves and ultimately for our world.

So now everyone has had a quick overview of the principles

and we're excited to dive deeper

into just a whole variety of parenting situations

where we can apply these.

We've given you kind of the tip of the iceberg

of the principles.

And so for a deeper dive,

you can visit our website

and review them in more detail for today

and as a touchstone to go back to

as you're listening to future episodes.

Please be sure to subscribe

so you don't miss our future episodes.

You'll find all of our links in the show notes.

And we'll see you in the next episode.