Victim of Narcissistic Relationships to Lymphatic Healer

Episode 8 • 3rd August 2022 • The Hope Station • Diane Belz

Mitzi Love: I didn't want it to be true that I was groomed for abuse. And this is my story, and I used to be very ashamed of talking about it. But I'm not ashamed anymore. I divorced and married five times.

Diane Belz: Have you ever felt hopeless, like nothing good could ever happen again? Well, I have. And that's why I created the Hope Station. Each week, you will hear amazing stories of hope from people just like you. People who have transformed disastrous, disappointing, and depressing events in their lives into messages of hope, turning tragedy to triumph, pain to purpose, crisis to new careers, all through the power of hope. So sit back, relax, and pull into the Hope Station, the place where you can refuel, refresh and realign your hopes and dreams. Thank you for pulling into the Hope Station today. My guest is Mitzi Love, who is one of the woman warriors that I've talked about on the last two podcasts. She is warrior number three, and she has a message for us, a time when she was feeling hopeless and what the Lord has been doing in her life. So thank you so much, Mitzie, for pulling on into the Hope Station. So why don't you give our audience just a chance to know a little bit about you?

Mitzi Love: Well, thank you, Diane, for what you do. I believe that hope is needed for so many people, for all of us, and really for the masses. I think people stay hidden in shame and regret and just being disillusioned with what is good or what is right. And I love what you're doing, so thanks for having me. Goodness gracious. Sometimes I have a hard time knowing, where do I start? So I like to start by saying, no matter what your story is, no matter what your story is, there is great hope in the Lord Jesus, and without Him, I don't know where I would be. In a nutshell, my childhood was very confusing. I was raised by a covert Narcissistic mother. Didn't know what that meant until a few years ago. And because of a series of some very sad things that happened, I started Googling the effects of a child not raised with boundaries or conversation. And then I just started Googling all these things about my childhood, and information came up that made me understand the confusion in my childhood. It made sense. And although I was so happy to have an answer, I didn't like the answer. I didn't want that to be true.

Diane Belz: Can you just tell me, tell us all who are listening, what that means if we haven't had that experience? You might be the Google search for someone else hearing this, that they can hear what went on, that you felt that you were groomed for abuse. That's a tough one.

Mitzi Love: It is a tough one. And that was actually the description that came up, but it made sense. So a covert Narcissist, and I know the word narcissist is thrown around very loosely. But if you are raised by a covert narcissist, you're probably going to marry them as well. Which I did. That's part of my story and which makes my story such a story of hope. But a covert narcissistic parent raises you to like there's really sweetness. Like my mom is so beautiful and has a soft voice. Never cusses. I thought she was just the most amazing woman in the world, but it was based on what now is based on the cool things that she did. It was never about anything that she didn't embrace me. There was never a hug. There was never I love you. So she painted this really pretty picture of her, which it looks great, but there was no conversations. And so I had the freedom, I had no boundaries. At a very young age, at age 13, I was a drug addict, which allowed my mother to save me, so to speak. Covert narcissist like for you to be messed up so they can save you. So then they can make you feel bad about who you are so they can keep saving you. And it's just this confusing relationship.

Diane Belz: What do you mean when you say there was never a conversation? Like it was a house of silence?

Mitzi Love: Yes. Never heard my parents argue ever. Okay, so we never ate around the dinner table. I don't remember a meal around the dinner table. We just all ate wherever we wanted to. That could be in our bedroom, it could be in the living room watching TV. So example, when I was eleven, I was one of the girls with some girls in school, developed early, and I was one of those early developers.

Unknown Speaker: Okay.

Mitzi Love: And there's all these childhood things that you're accused of back then in the early seventies, the 70s. If you were the girl with *****, you got talked about. And someone came up to me at once and asked me if I was a virgin. And I said no. I thought that was a bad word. I didn't know where the word virgin because things said about me like I'd been with boys and I've done things which wasn't true. And I was just so devastated. So when I was asked if I was a virgin, I said no. And I remember this so clearly. They said, you mean you've done it? Remember? This is like eleven year old conversation. No, I never done it. And I know the virgin either. I didn't know what that meant. And then when I found out what it meant, I was devastated. When I had my first child with a son, I had him at 18, got married in July, pregnant in June, I graduated from high school in May.

Diane Belz: Just pause for a second.

Mitzi Love: Yes.

Diane Belz: I don't want to jump that far in advance.

Mitzi Love: Okay, thank you.

Diane Belz: So eleven, you're having this conversation. Are you a virgin or not? How did that conversation lead to drug addiction at 13? I want to just pull those pieces together.

Mitzi Love: That's good. Thank you. Those are the conversations I never had with my mother. So my older brother was into a bad boy white gang is what I call it. But my mom would allow them all to hang out at my house. She was really geared for boys, not me. Okay. So I was raped by my brother's friend. He was like the gang leader. And in my childhood, my older brother would always hurt me, and I would always tell my mom, like, Mom, John's doing this. He would literally get on my head and just all kinds of things physically hurt me. And I would tell my mom, and she would say, well, if you wouldn't do this, then he wouldn't do that. And so I was raised to not like if I got hurt, it was going to be my fault. And so I just didn't say anything. I am this resilient person by nature. I could put a smile on my face and everything's good, and I praise God for that because it was like a survival skill of mine to get through life. So at 13, when the sexual abuse started, I was offered also by my older brother smoking pod. And then, of course, when you find the kids your age that are also doing that. And so at age 13. I was smoking a lot of pot. And then at age 14. I was doing acid mushroom. You know. All the stuff at the seventies. Like. If you were to offer me the drugs. I'd be like. Yeah. I didn't know I was selfmedicating. But I certainly I remember wishing I could tell my mother things that were going on. But I just couldn't tell her.

Diane Belz: That feels very hopeless, especially as a child, to feel like you have these things happening to you, and when you try to reveal them, you're being blamed that somehow it's your fault. So does that make you a victim or I'm trying to wrap my head around that. How did that make you feel, Mitzy, as a child? Just to say, I'm not allowed to talk about this, I'm not allowed to speak, the pain that I'm feeling. And then I'm in this situation where people are just I don't know, I have this feeling like it's like they're set out to destroy you in some way. They're going to do all these things, giving you all of these things. So how did you escape that? When was the first time that you realize that you were resilient enough that you could keep moving forward, even as you said you were trying to numb.

Mitzi Love: Yourself, right, without even knowing it? That's the thing is, whatever your story is, it's your normal. And so I didn't have anything to compare it to. So that was my normal. So when I was 16, I was the latter end of 16, I met some people. Back in the late 70s, there was a lot of coffee house ministries around, and Jesus people hung out there. That was quite the time. And I was invited to go listen to a band play. And of course, I was looking for someone's ID card. I was 16, looking for an 18 year old ID card so I could go get on the Airmen, go to the Airmen's Club and drink. I don't know. Never done that before. I just thought it sounded cool. And thankfully, the friend who I called her brother answered and invited me instead to come to this place where Jesus people hung out, which I used to make fun of them. I was like, sure. Yeah, sure, Michael. But I couldn't find anything else to do. And there's something inside of me that thought, okay, Michael's cool enough. If he likes it, I'll do it. And so I went and I met love. I met Jesus. The love of God that I met there was compared to nothing else I've ever known. I mean, I never knew love. I couldn't even see anything. So now I'm the girl that I'm carrying my Bible around. I'm even carrying it to parties. Everyone's doing the drugs and the drinking, and I wasn't doing any of it, but I just was so in love with everybody. I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like, he's real. And then I remember because I never beat anyone over the head with the word of God. I just was so excited. I wanted to share, and so I gradually quit going to the parties because I realized that I just didn't fit in there anymore. I still loved them, but I just didn't fit in there anymore.

Diane Belz: For a drug addict at 13. And then at 16, you found Jesus.

Mitzi Love: I did, yes.

Diane Belz: So was that the recovery period or did you say involved with the drug? You said you went to the party still.

Mitzi Love: I did. I love the people, but I realized that we were kind of in two different spaces. Okay, so I can get going now. Here's the interesting thing, if you will. Just because you meet the Lord, you get born again. If you have all these hidden, deep, abusive things inside of you like I did, they don't go away. Like, your body keeps the score. So, mind you, I didn't understand healthy relationships and in the church are unhealthy people, right? So I married this guy right out of high school, and he had his own issues from childhood, and he was physically abusive. And so I entered into an extremely abusive marriage. So I was beat a lot. We had two children, and like I said, he had his own issues. I'm not okaying anything that he did, but I am aware that he just needed healing just as much as I needed healing. Still, I couldn't stay in that marriage. Actually. A friend came over and said, I'm getting you out of here because the death threats are coming and I couldn't save myself. She got me out of the marriage. And this is my story and I used to be very ashamed of talking about it. But I'm not ashamed anymore. I divorced and married five times. Five times.

Diane Belz: What does shame do when you're ashamed of your story? What does that do to you spiritually, mentally, physically, from your experience?

Mitzi Love: From my experience, shame was I didn't really even understand the word. Once again, it's just something that's normal. You don't understand. You don't know until you know it.

Diane Belz: Right?

Mitzi Love: Shame kept me held back and just using my survival skills like no one would ever know I've had my story that I've had because I was really good about showing up with a smile and loving on people. See, that's one thing that has never changed. I love people. That is genuine, that is real. I don't care how messed up you are. I just see hope for everybody. Because of Jesus and even my perpetrators, the Lord taught me about forgiveness in such a supernatural way that I can tell you I don't harbor any hate or anything in my heart for anyone that's ever hurt me. And I mean beat me, discarded me, all kinds of, you name it. And it is by my hope that I have in Jesus that I have not been totally wrecked. Now, there are some things I had to learn because I had to sit with the Lord and say, why have I stepped into five unhealthy relationships? What is that? Obviously that's about me. What is that about? And the Lord took me through boundaries. Remember, I was not raised with I didn't know what a boundary was. I had no idea what a boundary was. So I went through learning about boundaries.

Diane Belz: When did you learn about boundaries? Because these are old words when we think of it, mitzi boundaries, shame, they seem to be so much out in the world that I think that sometimes when we use these words all the time, we can dilute the meaning of it. Why don't we connect to three of them? I love that I didn't have boundaries. Narcissism and then the shame and what the Lord was doing with you and for you to teach you about those. So what does boundaries mean from a biblical sense? What was Jesus teaching you about boundaries?

Mitzi Love: Oh, I love that. So the thing about boundaries that I had to learn was that oh gosh, that's such a good question. I had to learn that it is a good thing. Safety is a good thing. So boundaries, I had to view boundaries like a gate, like a fence around my yard to protect a child from running out in the street. A fence is there boundary to keep perhaps a dog, vicious dog, from coming at the child. A boundary for me had to be a protection from people and for me. I had to honor my own boundaries. I had to teach people how to honor my boundaries, and I had to honor my own boundaries. For example, a good example is in a relationship. Let's go back to the relationships that I've had, so many of them. If something was said to me that was confusing, like, gaslighting is one thing that someone will try to make you think that you didn't say this or you didn't say that or you did do this, and you know that you absolutely like, that's not true. So what I used to do is beg someone to believe me that that wasn't true. I would beg to the point where I'd be crying, and I'd be, like, having this emotional breakdown because I knew the truth, and they were accusing me that it wasn't true. So a boundary had to come into where whenever something was confusing to me, like, that person is speaking, like, in a very confusing way that doesn't make sense. I had to understand that I didn't have to engage in that conversation.

Diane Belz: Can you give an example of someone saying something I want to be so people hearing this can be crystal clear.

Mitzi Love: Thank you.

Diane Belz: Speaking out about boundaries and what the Lord was saying. So sometimes we what were they? Because when I'm hearing this, I'm hearing that the Lord is saying, I want you to be aware, like, we can build a fence. And I'm hearing, I'm not building a fence to keep people out. I'm building a fence to keep a certain type of person out.

Mitzi Love: Okay.

Diane Belz: But I'm also building a gate to let certain people in.

Mitzi Love: That's good.

Diane Belz: So what was an example of someone trying to gaslight you? Again, I want to be specific so that other people can go like, I have language of what that means. So you did a beautiful job with the boundary to give us an example of gas lighting.

Mitzi Love: An example of gas lighting would be like, well, for example, gosh, I could go into a marriage of mine being a bunch of phone calls on a phone bill, for example, okay, he was having an affair, and it was with this woman. And so when you ask about it, the answer is I don't know why they're on there. So the fault was in the phone company putting these numbers it didn't exist. Like, the numbers did not exist. I'm making it up. I'm insecure. I'm jealous. That's not there. So it's literally something's there.

Diane Belz: It's concrete. There's concrete evidence.

Mitzi Love: Yeah, but you're being told that you're crazy. I don't know why it's there. I have no idea why it's there and no desire to even have a conversation about it. Another good example was just happened last year, actually. I was being told I was trying to be rescued. So this is where I saw my boundaries are really good. With a friend. She was trying to rescue me, trying to help me trying to save me, and those are the unhealthy people. And because I wouldn't allow her to rescue me. Meaning she was telling me what I needed to do, how I needed to do it. If I didn't do it, she wouldn't respect me at all. And because I was telling her, I am trusting God in this situation, I was told that I was very ungrateful for her help. I was a very ungrateful person. That she even told me that she was afraid of me, that she didn't want me in her house because she was afraid of me. And I was just like it was so bizarre. And once again, for the first time, it was so nice. I wasn't confused by the behavior. I saw it for exactly what it was. And I actually was staying at her house for a couple of months, and I realized that the Lord was just directing me to get my things out and be kind. I didn't engage with any argument or I did not try to defend it myself because I know the truth, and I had to leave her place. So I hope that helps. But the gas lighting, she was trying to gaslight me. She was trying to pull me in, and I just didn't engage with her. And I prayed for her when I drove away because I didn't want any connection to anything negative.

Diane Belz: And this is something I'm trying to understand. Do we send signals that were attracting people like that? And then once we sort of break through this cycle, we're putting up these God given boundaries that he's directing you to, that there's less of an attraction or more of you being able to put up that fence. Because I hear two sides. Mitzi is warm and kind and sweet and loves people, which could attract people, but that at the same time, as they're rushing through the gate, there's people that are sneaking that shouldn't be in there.

Mitzi Love: Yes, I absolutely do believe that we attract that. Now, this particular female, I've known her since I was 16. And remember my ability to have relationship examples, I didn't have. I didn't have it for my parents, and I didn't have it early on in my years as a believer. So this particular girl, I allowed her to say things to me that weren't nice. And I'd be like, oh, that's just Suzy. I'm making that name up. That's just Susie. She doesn't mean it. So I took it on, and then I'm like, she doesn't mean it. She did. So I stayed in the relationship, and I just always took the abuse downplaying it, downsizing it. And so years later, when she sees an opportunity I was homeless all last year. When she saw an opportunity to rescue me, I'm like, how sweet. She wants to help me. She's my sister. And it was really good at first. It's called that love bombing stage. Everything's just so great. It pulls you in, you feel so loved and cared for. And then you start seeing wait, you start feeling this hand kind of go towards your throat of control. Like, you have to do this. You have to think this way. So anyways but I see the signs now. I recognize the signs. And with men too, I have things will be said to me where I used to think, oh, it would be so rude not to answer this guy. It would be so rude for me to say, look, stop, you know, leave me alone, or know that I don't owe you an answer, period. I used to think it would be so mean for me not to give an answer or response. And now I'm like, absolutely not. I don't owe you anything. I don't owe you anything. Now, if you were to ask me a hard question and I feel safe with you, I'm all about talking through the hard questions and working through messy life together jointly. But if somebody is upset with you because you won't answer them, for example, let's just say with a male situation, any single women out there, some guy messaged me and said he liked my content and we were practically neighbors and he owns a yacht, right? Yeah. And I was like, I didn't answer him. I'm like, why do I care? That was my thought. Whereas before, I would have said, oh, well, thank you for liking my stuff, and wow, how cool. Yeah, great. Because the next thing would have been, you wanted to come go for a ride on my yacht. I know the story, and I just didn't answer him. And Kirsty responds, Why won't you answer me? I don't understand. I don't have to go there. And I don't feel like I mean, I don't feel like that's. Yeah.

Diane Belz: So if you had to, let's say we're going to rewind your story a little bit, and it had to give someone tips on how to really establish boundaries, because it seems to me, being in a narcissistic relationship that you were with your mother and other people that you've met in your life. There's a whole methodology to what they do, and you become someone that they're very attractive to. What are some things? These are the five things that Mitzi has learned right now that you could say no to the guy with the yacht where before it sounds like you're very interested in not hurting others, and by doing that, you've hurt yourself time and time again. What would you say? What are the five things? Three things. Two things. Give us some nuggets of saying, don't do this. What are some warning signs? Or not a warning sign. What are some recommendations that you would give to say, when this happens? Do this. Do you have those?

Mitzi Love: Wow. I need to write that in a chapter in my book, for sure.

Diane Belz: I think it is a chapter. It's very much because it continues to happen. Whenever I get a message on Facebook and someone gives me a compliment, I just delete it. I don't even respond to it, I delete it. I have not been in that type of relationship. And it is when you're alone. I'm a widow, I've never been alone before. And I'm saying I am really cool being alone because I'm in a relationship with someone else and I'm good with that. We can be here together, which is very things that you can say. The difference between the love you felt with Jesus, let me ask a different way. Did you ever feel like you had to do something to please him, like you had to do for other people?

Mitzi Love: No, absolutely not. And I know that a lot of people, that is their story. It's absolutely not mine. I've never even been mad at God. I've always blamed myself for everything going wrong. I can tell you, I honestly have never been mad at God because I've always thought I'm the problem. The five tips that I would give, I would say, first and foremost, we all have this innate desire to be loved, to love and be loved. And until we have this, I'm a firm believer, this relationship with God, who is love, we will never come to understand what love looks like. So the word of God says to love me with all your heart, soul, mind and body and strength, and to love others as you love yourself. I believe it's not spoken properly when we say love God, love others. If we don't love God and through God to get that ability to love ourselves, we cannot in a healthy way love others or even understand what healthy love looks like, which is what I've always done in my life. I've loved others, but I didn't know what it looked like to receive love or to even love myself. So I had all these unhealthy love relationships. First and foremost, love relationship with God. In that you learn your value, you learn your beauty, you learn your design, you really learn how valuable you are and the gifts that you have that are so unique. Like, I loved unique. Uniqueness, if that's a word, I love it. I love to be in a room, hundreds of people, and everyone's so different. I'm like, I love all of you. But with that understanding of loving God and loving yourself, then there could be that healthy love for others. And with that, you see. So another point is don't ignore the red flags. I looked up the word red flag. A red flag is a warning. It is a warning signal that a storm is coming or something harmful is before you. And so a red flag would be with a covert narcissist. Covert is kind of like under the radar. Nice, looks nice, but there's a knife going in your back. That's why it's so confusing. With an overt narcissist, they're like, you're this, you're that. That's overt. There's no denying that cruelty. But the covert is confusing. In your gut there are those checks and you're like, I don't know, that doesn't seem right, but they seem nice. Don't ignore the red flags. So, for example, one of the relationships I walked into and married was, hey, God told me, and they use God. God told me to give you this credit card so you can get gas and food. And I'm thinking so nice. But I will tell you, this is why I can't talk bad about the guy, because I'm like God. What is it about me that I ignored when he did that? God was already taking care of me. Was I lacking certain things. I was. But God was wanting me to sit with Him and learn and see Him as my provider. So I ignored the red flag to say, oh, that's so nice, but I can't accept it. I didn't want to be mean and turn that down because after all God said. But in my heart I knew I had a check and I ignored it. So, yeah, don't ignore the red flags. If someone listens to your gut, listen.

Diane Belz: To God gave us that God's positioning system or internal GPS that said something's wrong. But you've been hardwired to believe that you just have to be nice.

Mitzi Love: Yes.

Diane Belz: You're so afraid to hurt other people. And I think that that's where so many Christians were feeling like we have to love God and then we have to love others. But he says love others as you love yourself.

Mitzi Love: That's the revelation.

Diane Belz: And that's hard to say if you're not loving yourself and sometimes loving yourself. This is where the lack of boundaries is about saying no, I love myself to say no to you, I love myself. Because you can't give that love to anyone else if you're not giving it to yourself first.

Mitzi Love: And then you can't many people can.

Diane Belz: Say that's being selfish, saying, no, I am taking that love that God is giving me. And if I am not immersed in his love, then I'm always going to be looking for love in all the wrong places.

Mitzi Love: Right? That's absolutely right. And I did and that's my story. Yes. Very important to not ignore those red.

Diane Belz: Flags as a young girl at the age of eleven. And I know that you're in a home that didn't support that. And this is where speaking to young women right now, so that they can become this woman warrior that you have become or are becoming, that we are going to want to be loved. God planted that in our heart. He planted us that desire to be loved and to be loved and to give love. And we have to get it from Him first and to learn your value to just say I am valuable because God sees the value in me. Otherwise he wouldn't have sent his son to. Save me, right? Looking for that those gifts that you have, and you have a gift of love, but we've always been told that strength that we have, if we overuse it, it's like going around in circles, that gift of love. You kept on steering the boat with that one or and you would just kept on going in circles, right from one relationship to another. But my guess is, with every single relationship, there was a red flag, like a flare shot up or shot down. Someone warning you. And as you said, you're taking responsibility. You ignored the signals. They were there. You just didn't see. So what would step four be? How do you now know the love? You now know your value. You now are listening to those signals. What's step number four?

Mitzi Love: Step number four would be healthy community.

Diane Belz: Talk to me about that. How do you find or build a healthy community?

Mitzi Love: So the Lord taught me last year during my homeless year, which was the most amazing year of my life, but God told me showed me all the relationships that I needed to cut seven. And I'm talking with female friends as well.

Diane Belz: Why did he want you to cut the relationships? What type of relationships were you cutting?

Mitzi Love: They were the relationships that were trying to rescue me and save me. And along with that comes if you don't allow them to do that, then you hear things like, you are selfish. You think you're better than everybody because you won't. I was told, go get a job at Hobby Lobby. Nothing wrong with Hobby Lobby workers, but I have a profession. Like, I'm a Lymphatic therapist, and I knew that God had something really big for me, and that's what I was pursuing. And I was told that I was selfish, and I thought I was better than anybody, because I wouldn't just go get a job anyhow. I could go on and on with the list of the things that were being said about me. Okay.

Diane Belz: When you're looking at that healthy community cut relationships, and this is very interesting that people were trying to be your rescuer and your savior.

Mitzi Love: Certain people.

Diane Belz: I don't know what you call it, like, they think they're like, God replacements for you.

Mitzi Love: I don't know. But these were people that I've had long term relationships with, girlfriends that I taught how to treat me over the years, and it was time for me to go, you know what? They didn't want to engage in conversation with me. It was always a one way conversation, but I always let it be that way just because I was like, oh, that's how they are. But when I finally stood strong, my warrior woman, and using my voice out of kindness so you can be kind and strong at the same time, I always thought I had to be, like, a B word to get respect. And the Lord's like, no, I made you this way. I just had to learn how to be that warrior woman, kind and strong. And these relationships that try to rescue, they don't want to have a relationship with me anymore because I had a voice. Finally. I finally had my voice, and they chose to. It's interesting. In one way, I cut them off, and another way, they left, right? Because there was no pursuit. There wasn't like, oh, Mitzv, no. I really love you. There was none of that. So pretty much I set my boundary and they're like, yeah, I don't want to be in your friend anymore. Which was just a sign that my strong voice wasn't welcome in their world.

Diane Belz: Well, how did you know that? You claimed or reclaimed your voice? What was the difference in your life when you feel like, wait, I can have a gentle and loving voice and it can be a strong one? What happened when that went like, oh, like, I can do this. I can be my unique self and still be strong?

Mitzi Love: Yes. I think that hopefully I'm answering this correctly, but that finally happened when I really chose to trust God to the next level. Just the next level. Like, gosh, that's such a good question. But I started using my voice, like, instead of my default childhood days where I just didn't say anything because I didn't want people to get mad at me. Yeah, I just started speaking my truth, that this is what I'm going to do, this is what I'm believing God for. It's amazing how many people do not understand those words. This is what I'm believing God for, and I'm taking action in it. I was actively looking for the right job because for a year, I lived at five different homes. Last year, just really, like, trusting God, like, where do I go? Because for the first time in my life, I'm not going to let anyone rescue me. I'm telling you, when you trust God to that level, he's like, oh, baby girl, here, here. And doors started opening up. I had this woman say, hey, I need a personal assistant because she owned a real estate insurance company. It was open enrollment season, and I need a personal assistant. Would you be able to do that for me? For, like, three months, that job enabled me because it was a good income to find a home for me to live in, which is where I am now. For the first time in my life, I'm on my own. I am on my own. And I didn't think I could ever do that. I was always looking for the husband because my mom is a stay at home wife, and she kept a really nice home, and my dad took care of her and everything, and I was just like, I want to do that. And then I get to be free. Being mom and helping people in the community, whatever. But anyhow, that was a squirrel, but I am on my own. The bills are coming in. So the Lord just really, like, opened up this window for this extra income to come in for me to establish a place. And then I found this job, like, six minute drive away to work as a massage therapist. Lymphatic therapist. That was really cool. Now he told me, you're not putting roots down here because when you work for someone, they get almost half of your hardearned money. So August the first, I will be opening up another therapist. And I, we were going in to rent this place together, so it's just ours. I'm not sharing my hard earned money with anybody. I'll be doing workshops there. I'll be doing all kinds of things. So the Lord progressively just took me as I trusted Him, and he just proves Himself over and over as my provision and my love, and I don't need to be rescued by anybody on any level. I still get to be Mitzy.

Diane Belz: How does that new found freedom feel?

Mitzi Love: Well, it is new. New describes it. Well, I'm 60 years old. I've never known it before. So it feels like for the first time in my life, I understand what relationship with people looks like. Healthy relationship with people. Not just guys, but women, friends, community. Freedom is truly a good definition of it. I don't feel bound. I don't feel I don't feel locked in. I don't feel held down. I feel like the sky is not like there's just no limitation to what God has for me and what I can step into because it's still my choice, I get to step into it.

Diane Belz: This is 60 years of a very hard life. Is that okay for me to say that?

Mitzi Love: Yes. Because I could hold it together here, it might not look hard to people, but in here, yes. Abuse. Yeah.

Diane Belz: So this freedom, you fought, you suffered, you've done so much to fight for that freedom, and you probably didn't realize that you were fighting the whole time.

Mitzi Love: That's true.

Diane Belz: So how are you going to fight different now that you have this freedom to never let ever let any one person or situation or circumstance take that away from you? What are you going to do differently?

Mitzi Love: Well, what I am doing differently. Okay. Living what I teach, because health all starts in your thoughts, in your mind. And that's where it started with me. I had to understand that the words that were being spoken to me were being held in my body. My body keeps the score, and they would always come up, and then I would make agreements with them, and they were unhealthy. So I have learned, and I continue to learn how to recognize thoughts, discard them, replace them with truth food and drink choices. I teach that in my lymphatic Health coaching as well, and it's in my book, lymphatic Health and you Made simple our food and our drink choices if we're not healthy in our mind and our emotions they actually kind of can create foggy thinking. So the food feeds the body. It's going to be either feeding positively or negatively. It all works together so synergistically, doesn't it? And I've learned to breathe breath and body movement. You know, people that are living in trauma hold their breath a lot and they're not even aware of it. It's a survival skill but I want.

Diane Belz: To go back to help that people understand the thoughts and then the replacement. So give us an example of a mitzvah thought that was we've auto programmed ourselves. We have no idea the world has programmed us and continues to program us and then we sort of accept or reject that programming and when you've accepted it year after year after year as he said, that's going to be a powerful force that's fighting against years of programming. So if we look at our brand like a Google search, the minute you would type in something you would get that thought so something happens, someone says something to you or you think something then we have an automatic feeling and thought that comes with it. How do you do that replacement? Because that is so hard.

Mitzi Love: It is very hard and I'm glad that you said that because it's not a matter of going oh, I'm blessed and highly favored and just having that and I'm not dismissing that because that's true we are blessed and highly favored but you are right to say it is hard, it is work and it is pressing in and it is believing. The Romans twelve two do not be conformed to the ways of the world. The ways of the world are just kind of giving in and accepting failure and blowing it off but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And I don't like to stop there because the rest of it says to prove the good and acceptable will of God. So I knew that as I continued this hard work in taking out and putting in that transformation would take place and it was always to prove God's good and acceptable will for me. He's good. And so when a thought would come up like of course things don't work out for you, of course things don't work out for you, it's just always this way. It will always be this way. And last year I memorized Psalm 23. I can memorize it in my sleep all the time and so that answer is oh no, surely and absolutely. Goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. And so when I have a stop that nothing's going to work out, like things just follow me. No, what follows me is goodness and mercy. Goodness and mercy. And so I believe that memorizing scripture is vital so that in those times where those stocks just pop. Like, you'll be driving your car and the stock comes out of nowhere like, boom.

Diane Belz: And you're like, it doesn't feel like a punch. You're not seeing her do this, but it feels like a punch. I'm trying to take you out again.

Mitzi Love: Yes. And as we memorize the word of God, which is alive, right, and which is putting on Christ, the armor of God is putting on Christ. I love that. The helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the spirit, the shield of faith, the belt of truth, the feet of Shod with the gospel of peace. Simply put, that's just putting on Christ. And so I believe that as we memorize scripture verse, one of the my favorite scripture verse is one John four eight. It's what I teach my grandkids first scripture verse. I teach them because they think they can't memorize. I'm like 30 words. God is love. Anytime a thought comes into my mind that is like a hopeless thought that I'll never know love, that's such a lie. And immediately, oh, that's such a lie. God is love. And in that love relationship, he's so good to me. He's so good to me. And that hope that is in love is indescribable. It's just indescribable. So the invitation to everyone is you got to experience this through this intimacy with Christ. You've just got to well, I think.

Diane Belz: If I'm looking back and here's a non believer that might be listening and when I'm looking and saying, but God did not step in and save Mitzi when her brother's friend was raping her. He did not protect her from all these men. He didn't protect her from these female relationships we had. He didn't protect her from homelessness. What is your response to what they are going to say, that God isn't good?

Mitzi Love: I love that question, and thank you for asking me, because it's a fair question. That is such a fair question. If we think about God is love. Love requires choice. In a love relationship, you get to choose to love each other. In a domineering relationship, you don't get to choose love. In four of my five marriages where it was like, I had to do this, I had to do that, I had to do this, I didn't have a choice to love. So love requires relationship. So unfortunately, the heart of a man that is not transformed by God's redeeming love makes some really bad choices. I've done it in my life. We just do it. So, yes, a lot of bad things happen to me. Lots of bad things. I believe that god, he was there. I believe that he is why I am so resilient, why I can always see the best in everybody. And his goodness is so good. Like, there's nothing that's ever happened to me that hasn't been redeemed by his love. And now I get to speak to women who have been abused, sexually abused, my sexual abuse goes a lot deeper than that. I can tell you about a police officer. I could tell you about a counselor pastor. I could tell you about stories of being sexually abused. There's a lot of it. So I get to bring hope to women or men that think I'll never be well again. I'll never be able to think again, I'll never be free of it again. It's always going to be with me and it's always going to control me. I get to be that hope to them, like, oh, that's not true. That is so not true. That is the love of God. Like, it takes something that, you know, feels ugly and like, there's this washing, there's this cleansing, there's this renewal, and it's real. And once again, unless you experience it, it will always just be words to you or empty words to you.

Diane Belz: Free will. And there have been times God and I apologize, why did you give me free will? If my will has caused will, my choice has caused probably, I'll say 90% of my pain. I'm not saying all of it. There's been other people who've breathed into it. I have a very different life story, but I've made bad choices myself. And I love one of the first verses that I memorize. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. Those who are called according to his purpose. You're living proof of that, that you are going to turn. I'm going to cry all your heartache, all your shame, all your pain, and you're going to use it to good, to show God's love because you are love. You're Mitsy love. You're going to pour that onto other people.

Unknown Speaker: Yes.

Diane Belz: And you're going to do what God did for you. You're going to help set them free.

Unknown Speaker: Amen.

Diane Belz: You're going to give them power like they've never had before. And you would not be able to speak this if it wasn't for everything that you've been through. You would have been just like an empty voice because they're going to say, you don't know. And you can say, I do know. I do know what sexual abuse feels like. I do know what empty love and control and false promises feel like I delivered that. And I'm saying I stepped out of that and chose something different. The same choices that got you into trouble, that same free will is getting you into something so awesome. So I want you to talk about your part and the woman. I'm worried. I'm a big cry baby.

Mitzi Love: I love it. Me too. Yes. Part of the month of summit. On the summit, the three day summit. So it's actually four days. August the second it starts, just get to know us. And then August 11, 12th and 13th, the eleven and twelve, you're going to get four of us. Woman warrior coaches talking about our unique posture. And then on the third day. Ernestine shepherd. Oh, my gosh. Oldest female bodybuilder in the world. She's amazing. I love her. So anyways, so, yes, I will be talking about the lymphatic health and how to support, like, everything I just told you, how to support our lymphatic flow, that fluid that flows in us, that cleans up our body. So your thoughts, food and drink and breath and body movement. The other thing that I'll be teaching, I'm the only single woman on the panel. A lot of women talk about, oh, you know, I want my Boaz. I can't wait for my Boaz. And if you study The Book of Roof, what I love about the Book of Roof is that, yes, Ruth found Boaz, but she wasn't, like, preparing herself for Boaz. She made a commitment to her motherinlaw, Naomi, because her husband had died. And she says, your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And so this woman, Ruth, of great integrity, meant every word of that. So when she went with Ruth back to her people, ruth was so committed to caring for her mother in law, was so noticed by Boaz that he brought her in. So my heart for single women is to understand this love relationship, I encourage everyone to read Song of Psalms in the Passion Translation. And I would never read Song of Psalms because it made me sad, it made me depressed. And about four weeks ago, I went to a church and just praying at a little church, and someone put something in my hand while I was praying, and it was a piece of paper, and on it said, you are truly His Rose, and Sang of Solomon 21. And I thought, oh, God. Why are you? Why? Song of Solomon. And so I went home and I was like, okay, Lord, I'll read it. I'll try. And I got my translation out, and I fell asleep. Couldn't do it. Then the Lord directed me to this Bible. The Passion translation. Okay. So it takes it up, and I discovered songs in there. And in verse 21, it says, I am truly His Rose. And I thought, that's the translation on this letter that was put in my hand, the Passion Translation. So I started reading it, and the Passion translation is totally about what it was meant to be, the love relationship with God. And you.

Unknown Speaker: Okay?

Mitzi Love: I can tell you now there are eight chapters in the Song of Song of Songs. That's how I like to say I can tell. I read it every single day. I can't get enough of it. It is such a sweet, sweet picture of this love relationship that he has with us. So sweet. So I get so excited about when I'm talking about my love.

Diane Belz: Let me ask you a question. Where did you get the last name of love?

Mitzi Love: I'm so glad you asked. I was wanting to tell you in coming out of my last divorce. In a divorce decree, if you want to change your last name, you can write then and there. So you come out of it with a new name. And it was such a triggering name for me. I didn't want to come out of it with this last name. And so I sat with God and I'm like, I can change my name. What is my last name? What does my last name need to be God? And I was silly going through all these last names and I thought, nothing makes sense, guys. What should my last name be? And he said, Love. And I'm like, I get to take on you. Like, I get to take your name on. Like that's it. That's how I got love. I just sat down with love and he told me to take his name on.

Diane Belz: Okay. I have such bad goosebumps right now. Thank you for that.

Mitzi Love: Makes sense, doesn't it?

Diane Belz: It does. Because who are you? And when the Lord told me this, I don't know how long you will say at least twelve. I was doing purpose work to become a purpose. I've been afraid of so many different things that God's called me to do. And one of the things he told me is, I bring hope to the hopeless. And I'm like, I don't know how to do this. That is not the tagline I won. It's like calling a bunch of loser people who can't figure out I was one of those. I was one of those. And when he moved me down to Florida and I'm sitting by my window back there and I'm in like a deep meditation, I said, Just tell me. I am so tired. Please make it clear. What do you want me to do? The Hope station, which he gave to me a year, maybe two years ago. Lord, how do I bring hope to the hopeless? I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I have that much hope inside of me. And then that's why I have it. Like you pull on into the hope station. I'm just bringing it. And you have brought hope to so many people with what you're going to do. So who should arrive not at the Hope station, but through the hope station to Mitzvlove and to the summit? What type of people are you calling to come and listen to what you have to give?

Mitzi Love: I love that. So my particular I speak to women over 50 who think that their life is just useless. They've never done anything right. They're unhealthy. They don't think there's any hope for them. And they just think that their life is just over. And I just bring that message. I love the name of your thing because I've always said that. I just bring that message of hope that no matter what, I actually have that tattooed on my arm. No matter what. No matter what God sees you. Yes. You can see it when I play my guitar.

Diane Belz: Well, Mitzvlov does sound a little bit like a rock star.

Mitzi Love: Yeah. Right?

Diane Belz: There's Courtney Love. Now there's Midseat love.

Mitzi Love: Right.

Diane Belz: You're delivering a very different message.

Mitzi Love: Yeah. Just the women that believe that they've wasted their life and there's no hope and they're suffering in every single way and emotionally, physically, mentally. And I'm just like, not only do I see you, but God sees you.

Diane Belz: I want to thank you so much, Mitzi, for your vulnerability, for your honesty to share. I'm going to just put the good, the bad, and the ugly to really show us what God can do with us broken vessels. So I just want to thank you so much for, as I said, pulling into the hope station.

Mitzi Love: Thank you so much for having me. It's been a joy.

Diane Belz: I do fall in love with my guests, and Mitzv love was no exception. She opened my heart. She opened my mind. She opened my spirit to the possibilities of how amazing God's love is to transform a life that was groomed for abuse. She didn't turn bitter. She turned to our lord and savior and is now spreading that love and the message of God's love to other women through her coaching program. And she will be sharing her stories and her teachings at the woman warrior summit that is happening on August 2 and then the 11th through the 13th on how to sign up for that free summit is included in the show notes. So thank you again so much for pulling into the hope station. And until next week, I wish you a blessed and beautiful week.

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